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From: azsuperman01
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  • LOL. you pick on bible versus....how weak. try picking on Gods grand design, consider what it is to be infinite. consider science and the beginning of the universe as we know it.

    "it is he who has revealed the book to you, some of it's versus are precise in meaning, they are the foundation of the book. And some are ambiguous.Those who's hearts are infected with dis-belief observe the ambiguous parts as so to create dissension among men" - The Imrans.

  • Ohhhh I get it!  God was talking through his ass!

  • He has ridden his own ass? He has to be very flexible.

  • I fell out of my chair. Imagine substituting God as Uncle Rico, and Bellock or whatever as Napoleon Dynamite. I'm sure the movie would sell.

  • I think I Know which fairy tale Donkey from Shrek comes from now.

  • @slicingwater That's funny, because I thought the same thing the first time I saw Shrek!

  • Talking animals make story telling fun!

  • your a loser DUDE!

  • Strange little people these Israelites.

  • It'd be perfect if you'd mention that for saying thank you a chapter later the israelites kills Balam with the rest of the country.

  • "Hate filled atheists spewing their acid"? Tell me, what part of what he said.. is not true? Seriously man, open your damn eyes. You get a good point shoved in your face, and you just blow it off. Tell me whos the idiot.

  • well said!

  • You have a good chance to learn more about Christianity here. True Christianity as it is in Bible.

  • if you want one sided christian arguements go to godtube . if you want honest people calling the bible as they see it stay on youtube. if you want acid i know a fella...

  • yeah, like avoiding the Truth. ;)

  • That was a good one. The "god" of the bible is a completely insane, maniacal bastard.

    "Gods are to morality, as toilets are to food."

  • Creative! poetic superb cuote. I wish I had said damm!

  • There is no laugh emote big enough for the dark humor I find in that.

    Hitler was not one who truly believed that Jesus died for his multiple sins. He was ONLY allied with the Catholic church which he used as a political tool, like many politicians. So far in my research, the Catholic church slowly began to realize what was going on, and Hitler was devising a way to rid of the Catholics.

  • WACKY STORIES BY A WACKY HEAD

  • dowronghadesawaits,...you have done wrong so I guess that hades awaits you. You bore false witness against the great do-gooder azsuperman01, a man who devotes oodles of his time in order to liberate those who have the brains to see through the many layers of silliness of the bible, but, had been SO indoctrinated since birth, that they needed to know that others think as they do (think being a key-word, here) and you call him a wacky head? Of COURSE you should have said WACKY BOOK...BOOK!

  • Comment removed

  • Tell me the truth now,...ruthyelisabeth is an inside job, right? I mean, I've heard some real dillies of fundies, but she is in a class of her own. Whirlybird and then some. Even her good comments which are few and far between make no sense. Precious! And then there's Jesrael1986M who says, "The wackiness adds to the truthiness. WOW! Where did he come up with THAT one? Actually, they are probably Siamese twins, joined at the asshole and haven't ever had the pleasure of a decent shit - backed-up

  • i would like to say i like this but seriusly your wois makes it imposible to consentrate on you. could you use a less monotone vois? it would make things so much more interesting =)

  • Dude you are the greatest...Love your story telling....it's even better than Nick Gisburne's..lol

  • Man,...I love your stories. Every night I turn on YouTube and climb in bed while you read me a bible story. And sure enough, I..fall......asleeeeeeep. But not this time. No! no no, this time you gotta talk about ghostes and scare the "HELL" out of me!!! I pulled the covers over my head and lay there trembling, and shivering. Afraid to peek out! I lay there awake for a long long time. I don't know what time I got to sleep. Don't do that no more. Tell nice stories like you used to.

  • As a Christian, I agree with you that this story is REALLY wacky, but somehow that only seems to add to the beauty of the Scriptures. If everything in the Bible was neat and 'pat' I would really doubt if God was the author. For me this "quirkiness" seems to add to its "truthiness". Real thing are messy,quirky, not what we would have expected.

    As for the "talking animal", if it is a "fairy tale", why is the concept never again used in all of the scriptures? It happened once-ONLY once.

  • Jesrael1986M - If wacky talking animal stories "add to the truthiness" of the Bible, what would take away from the "truthiness?"

    If the Bible is a storybook of fables, what would prove it to you?

  • the bible is said to be the word of god.....now people will sidestep the looney stories and pick and choose what they want to believe, religion is the worst thing that ever happened to the planet.....

  • It's the people's fault for picking and choosing, not the Bible's.

    No religion?

    Nazi Germany.

    Rare exception?

    Soviet Russia

    Too cold?

    Well, if you like heat, I can't stop you.

  • Uhhh, hitler was a christian dude.

  • I AGREE!!!

  • Also another thing to consider is this. In the end of Chapter 24 and the beginning of Chapter 25, it looks like Balaam is telling Balack to send the daughters of Moab down to the children of Israel and the men will marry them, this will displease God and he will smite some of the Israelites which is exactly what happened. This way Balaam got his money.

    By the way I have really enjoyed your wacky bible stories and tough questions for christians series

  • Balaam outsmarted an all knowing God, awesome.

  • just because God allowed it doesnt mean he outsmarted God.

  • Gods are fictional characters, so there is no reason to try to outsmart them.

  • This also explains verse 34 where Balaam says that he has sinned. He knew he disobeyed God when he went, because the men didnt call him. Balaam tried to put God on a guilt trip so he could still go,cause he wanted the money.God then proceeded to tell Him he could go but that he had better give Balack the message, just like God told him,without changing it like he had just done. When he got there God used him to actualy bless the children of Israel,and Balaam did it becasue he feared for his life

  • First, God has some things he is rock solid on,he wont change his mind, but some things he is flexible on and will change if we request it, thats one of the reasons we pray.This wasnt the perfect will of God but it was the acceptable will of God,He allowed it.But there was a stimulation,the second time Balaam prayed to Him.God said he could go IF the men came to call him again,verse 20 (KJV), the men never called him,he just went.Alot of the new bible change this to since, changing what God said

  • .......and talking donkeys.....

  • Okay.

    This is either one of those stories that Athiests can use to say "look at the Bible. Is it not silly?" or God is actually a really funny guy.

    Abuse of power and influence? Sure. But actually....it is funny if that was God's intent.

    As someone who can happily say that I don't believe in God or Unicorns on the dark side of the moon, I have to choose my first option.

    2nd option is a nice alternative though :D If it turns out that God is real and I've been wrong all along.

    Later!

  • Just think about that comment for a second that you worte....What if turns out God is real?? And His instruction book for us was the Bible? Where does that leave you?

  • I've thought about that comment that I wrote for over a second. I have no fear of God. Why? Because I have no fear of Zeus. I also have no fear of Odin. I have no fear of Unicorns on the moon either.

    If all the above are real. Cool. I was wrong. Oh well.

    If I'm right. Cool. I was right. Oh well.

    I don't live in fear of what will happen when I die. You do. I'm happy to die, be buried, become part of the carbon cycle and ultimately be consumed by the sun.

    Sounds like fun :D

  • he didn't tell him he should go he said he could go

    like when a kid begs a parent and the parent finally lets them

  • What I get out of it, sexaphone666, is that HE should have told god where to go and the poor donkey could have been spared a beating. Then again, god supposedly likes the smell of animals' blood, especially if they are being burnt too. Some kind of demented gods they had back then. I am SO GLAD that we've long outgrown worshiping gods like that. People are just too smart these days to let themselves get sucked in to gods and demons and devils and all that kind of nonsense, right?

  • Don't be so sure about that. >.>

    Don't have to look much further then the states to find it. BTW there is an episode of animal cops, that shows them rescuing a goat that was marked for sacrifice. Animal planet showed it.

  • dont you like the smell of good ribs that have been cooking all day nice and slow with just the perfect barbeque sauce or even some nice roast beef thats been cooking in the crock pot for a few hours and the delicious smell just fills the room?

    because most humans do so why cant god enjoy his steak that was given to us by him anyway

  • saxaphone4444 I think your reasoning is a wee bit flawed here. We take the fur off and remove the guts, head, arsehole, etc. That tends to make a different smell than the whole animal thrown on a rockpile. Besides, it is VERY obvious that it was a man-made offering. We seem to be really good at giving the creator of the universe our traits - if, indeed, there is a creator at all, of which there is no guarantee...

  • are we giving traits to god or were they given to us by him you are using the assumption that there is no god to try to support your idea that he does not exist

  • Well, saxaphone4444, I don't know if God exists or not, in the sense of a creator, that is. It's just that the Bible stories make little sense and are SO contradictory, that it is plain to see that they were written by men who were biased in their thinking. MEN wrote the Bible, so, od course, they're going to make women second grade. Also, since the Jews wrote it, of course they're going to be God's favorites, etc. I personally believe there's something that made us, but beyond that...I dunno...

  • the sin he does is trying to do something god says not to do

  • saxaphone444 - God said not to go, then told him he should go... then stopped him to tell him (again) that he should go... where exactly was the sin?

  • According to the bible verse, he was on a 'reckless path' as said by the angel of the lord, probably noting (though the verse's translation in and of itself is not completely clear/known) that he was still recklessy involved in rituals trying to curse god's people, even after speaking with god, himself. (As continued in the next chapters that you mentioned)

  • Spark117 - So.... God appeared in person to a guy who was "recklessly involved in rituals trying to curse god's poeple" but it won't show up to you or me? Weird guy.

  • "beats his ass"

  • Hey Check out Verse Exodus 33:20-23 God Shows Moses his Ass lmao

  • lol

  • and his big god cock.... lol.

    and moses got on his knees and "prays"

  • POST2: Jesus said, about the temple the jews built when they came back from the babylonian exile: NOT a stone will be left unturned. Well, the Bible doesn't tell us what happenned with the temple. Flavius Josephus (A roman historian that witnessed the destruction of temple) tells us that they took EVERY stone out, to recover the melted gold from the foundations (the soldiers burned temple, against imperial command and against Titus command, because it was already appointed by God to be that way)

  • Post I + II

    The Seige of Jerusalem is a indeed one of the few impressive prophecies in respect to timing. However, I would not make much of the specifics of the "turning of the stones," I assume that the writers knew that there was gold in the foundation. All it takes is a sufficient knowledge of human avarice to predict the outcome.

  • POST1 The most amazing of all is Daniel 9:24-27 (theres a rabbinic curse (of the jews) to anyone who investigates the times of Daniel 9:24-27). 483 years after second temple was built (first one was destroyed by Babylonians), messiah needed to be annointed. Then, he needed to get killed, after half of 7 (3.5) years of ministering. Then, temple needed to be destroyed again (Titus did it, 70 AD. NOT IN THE BIBLE). Sacrifices needed to end (they did and so the jews wail on the western wall.

  • About Messiah, the king of Israel, it was prophecied: a)born in bethlehem b)Born in the family of Judah, of Jesse, of David c)would be killed by his own people d)would be called God, everlasting father e)would bring gentiles to the God of Israel f)needed to die on jewish passover g)temple and city destroyed after He died h)sacrifices in Jewish temple cancelled after him i)needed to be God himself j)needed to die in 33 A.D. k)needed to come 483 years after building of second temple, WHO COULD BE?

  • A study of messianic prophecy and its fulfillment in Jesus Christ, is just the most amazing thing a person could discover. Old testament (scripture accepted by the jews, who are opposed to Jesus) gives hundreds of prophecies regarding their coming King. And Jesus fulfills every single one of them, according to christian accounts (new testament), and NON christian accounts (Flavius Josephus, Pliny the younger, etc). Chaoscaligraphy, have you read the entire text of the (King James) Bible?

  • The Bible has a clear difference, when compared with (to put just two). The qran, the bagavhad gita. And this is the difference: The Bible makes specific, clear prophecies, about real people, and real nations. And it makes them without fear, shamelessly, unapologetically. A sincere simultaneous study of Bible prophecy regarding nations (babylon, greece, persia, niniveh, assyria), would leave anyone convinced of the Bible's supernatural inspiration. And specially a study of MESSIANIC prophecy.

  • "The...prophecy"

    The Bible says that Nebuchadnezzar would destroy Egypt. This didn't happen.

    The Bible says that the Nile would dry up. This hasn't happened.

    The Bible said that Babylon would destroy Tyre & it would never recover. Alexander the Great destroyed Tyre and it was rebuilt as an important seaport.

    Almost all Prophecy is either, vague, erroneous, or within-text.

    HOWEVER, EVEN IF a God did fortell, that does not in any way implicate him as an omnibenevolent source...

  • II

    ... of morality. IE, relative to ants, we are basically gods. Ants are capable of building societies, but we could crush them at any given moment. We possess knowledge that they are totally incapable of comprehending. A human can accomplish in minutes what thousands of them cannot do in a million years. Sometimes we are merciful to ants, care for them, put them in little ant farms, & other times we break out the insecticide.

    Does that make us moral authorities? Should we be worshipped?

  • The Bible:

    Retarded.

    Religious People:

    Retarded.

    The Moral?

    Religion is Retarded.

  • God bless you, surathan, in the name of Jesus.

  • You're retarded.

  • are you a satanist ? That is what your avatar indicates, because of the dark star, which represents the head of baphomet, a false god. You satanists wage most wars on earth, and are deceived into thinking you will win at the end. The war in iraq is led by satanists right now. Look at the white house from above, in google maps, and you will see the inverted star and the pentagon within it, that is the way the white house and the streets surrounding it were built. Old fashioned America is gone.

  • Indeed. Damn satanists with there crusades! By the way the country isn't run by satanists it's run by the communist free masons who hide Tu-Pac Biggy, and Elvis in a cave in Sweden where they also hide the remnants of an alien space shuttle crashed in Roswell New Mexico.

  • The freemasons actually worship baphomet, who is an idol with a goat head (represented by the inverted "dark star" of the satanists). This is not for a new mason, but for the advanced degree masons to know. For beginners, masons can belong to any religion, pray to ANYbody, BUT they can NOT PRAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS (this indicates some Jewish connections). Their salvation is at stake, when they can not pray in the name of Jesus, because there is no salvation in any other name given to men.

  • davidbenjeshua, I was making fun of his stupid conspiracy theory about the government being run by Satanists.

  • Post 4: For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God

    For God has no pleasure in the death of the wicked. But rather instead that HE Changes. So, if you know you are wicked, REPENT! And believe in the Holy Name of Jesus. Ask God for forgiveness, in Jesus name, and it will be granted. Decide to read the whole Bible.

  • POST 2: But Thank God, who will forgive you of ALL your wickedness, if you just CHANGE, and FINALLY, once and FOR ALL, SUBMIT TO HIM. But, WHAT about the punishment you already deserve? JESUS TOOK IT!. Imagine this: Can a killer say: to a judge: "OK, I now see that what I did is wrong and I won't do it again, so, let me go free" No, justice demands that he be punished, even if he changes. And EYE for and EYE and a tooth for a tooth. But God so loved the World that He gave his only begotten Son..

  • POST 1: Now, regardless of whether you have read the Holy Bible, or not, you are without excuse for doing what is wrong, because your conscience tells you its wrong, YOU KNOW my friend, YOU KNOW its wrong. In the day of Judgement, you will perish, JUSTLY, because of your wickedness, of doing what is wrong in spite of you knowing. Since God is righteous, He MUST punish evil. Must not He? Should a secular judge just let a killer go free? would that be fair? In the same way, God will punish you.

  • "POST 1: Now... you."

    You are incorrect my friend. Morality is subjective. It is a aquired trait, not an instinct. This explains most of the atrocity in the Bible. You see to you and me, killing women and children, even during a war is immoral, they are innocent. However, the Hebrews even depicted their God as approving of such killings. That is because they had constant tribal warfare and their survival demanded a very harsh, relentless sense of ethics. Morality is taught.

  • Morality is partially taught, the issue is who teaches you that morality. Your society? (many kinds of societies, many kind of moralities, which one is TRUE?) or GOD. (Many gods, which one is TRUE?). A sincere investigation would begin at the sacred texts of different religions to see if there is something that really could prove those texts are God-breathed. Read entire KJV Bible and explain to me how Daniel knew, in Daniel 9:24-27.

  • "Morality...27."

    There is no objective form of morality. Each society, each person develops a moral construct based upon their understanding of the world. This is why a radical Muslim can kill a dissenter without guilt, a Buddhist monk can set himself aflame without cries, an ancient Hebrew could murder an entire family without relent. The weakness of Divine Law is that when God says killing is moral, it automatically becomes moral and you have no say....

  • II

    ... When the Hebrews were killing these "abominable" men, "thou shalt not kill," was already law. Thus, God can does break his laws whenever he pleases. Who are you to say what is moral and what is not if or when God decides to break the law that Jesus put forth? When "turn the other cheek" becomes "pass the ammunition."

    Where's the guilt? Where's the fear? Where were the ancient Hebrews? Killing was never moral, even when the victim "deserved" it and even when God said that it was.

  • Now, if you believe the Bible has some degree of historical accuracy (I think its as far as I know very, very accurate), then we could use this text as a reference, to see if God is righteous or not. If you don't believe the bible is historically accurate, then your accusations are unfounded because you are basing them on a text you dont believe in. Lets assume the Bible is true. Then the Bible says God is Righteous and this is also true. If the Bible is false,thenyoucan't accuse Godofwhatitsays

  • If there is no God, and we are just the product of evolution, then what Hitler did had NOTHING wrong. Its just as wrong as it is wrong for a lion to hunt and kill his pray. How can anyone say something is wrong, if he thinks there is no God? After all, if you are just an evolved carrot, why not chop you into pieces, to take away your money, as long as noone sees me? Friend, FEAR God, and KNOW, HE will repay. But you still have the chance to abandon selfishness and follow the GOOD LORD, JESUS.

  • Well, there are these little things called MORALS... See, I follow my morals, which tell me not to kill ppl, among other things. Your morals are shaky and you are a bad person, because the only reason you follow your morals is because you fear getting in trouble for disobeying them. Lions kill for food, Hitler killed to "purify" there is a vast difference there you jackass.

  • Wait, do you believe in God? if you don't, what is the logic behind your morals? For example, I know a guy who assaulted me, and who harmed me, got me out of my job through shrewdness. And today, it is in my hands to throw him in jail, and to take revenge, because I know something about him that can destroy him. But by the grace of the Almighty, and his Son, Jesus of Nazareth, I don't do it. God tells us to leave revenge to him and not get it ourselves. Jesus tells us to love our enemies.

  • "Wait...enemies."

    My friend, we have an evolutionary imperative to be moral. You kill me, I kill you: mutually assured destruction. Look at all we have produced by working together. Therefore, protecting each other takes priority over harming each other, and that minority who break the peaceful law are chastized by the majority to prevent further destruction. Not only does this secure our own safety, but it ensures the safety of our offspring, which is biologically more important.

  • In nature, there is such thing as "natural selection". The strongest overpowers or kills the weakest and so the strongest chromosomes survive. Males take as many females as they can and females choose the strongest males. What makes us humans stronger than all other kinds of living creatures is our brains. Because of our brains the king of the jungle fears us, as all other creatures. Natural selection is seen, tested. Undeniable science. But evolution is not seen, nor tested. Its not science.

  • Evolution is any change in a population that benefits that species survival. You can argue the difference between micro-evolution and macro-evolution all that you like. Evolution is science and has been observed. And I find it insulting that you think that I need a biology lesson.

  • II

    Besides, even if you disagree with macroevolution, that has nothing to do with the crux of my argument, you're basically spouting pedantic gibberish. o_O

  • Has been observed? That is not true. We have seen changes WITHIN a KIND of animal (flies that get bigger, smaller, with no wings, with double wings, etc etc, bacteria (which reproduces millions of times in a month so you should be able to at least see some evolution there) that changes traits) BUT WE HAVE NEVER SEEN A CHANGE IN KIND (a fly that turns into another insect). Evolution is complete nonsense. Where are the animals in between the Whale and the next smaller mammal? No hint of them...

  • "Has...them..."

    Evolution is any change in a population. Period. Within a species, outside of a species. A new strain of antibiotic-resistant bacteria is evolution. The huge barrelled chests of mountain-dwellers is evolution.

    Draw a distinction between micro-E and macro-E if you like, but the evolution that I mentioned is cultural and therefore within species; thus your entire argument is red herring, off-topic tripe. Address my argument, don't make up your own.

  • Comment removed

  • Although sometimes I remember the evil that this person did to me, and sometimes I really feel like harming him, I am afraid that my God may punish me also, because I have not been perfect either, in my obedience to him.

    So my moral is based on the fear of God. I think there are many people whose deaths be favorable for mankind, but God in Revelation 13 tells us basically (King James Version) to not take arms, or put into captivity. So Im afraid. But what are your morals based on?

  • "Although...him."

    See, this is why revenge is degenerative. It is a vicious cycle. Your opponent never could have expected that you would have him under his power, so who are you to say that eventually, you would not again be at his mercy again? The cycle of revenge will eventually destroy you both, you do not need God to tell you why it is illogical to feed it.

    We do not punish criminals because we hate the criminal. We do it because if we don't, anarchy & destruction will ensue.

  • In my case, my enemy would not even know that I harmed him, if I did. So the fear of mutual destruction is not a factor in me not harming him. The fear of God is the only factor, in this case. Hitler was a roman catholic, a deceived person, not a christian. roman catholicism claims to be christian and to be the church of christ, but anyone who reads the entire text of the bible and compares its teachings with the deeds and teachings of Rome can notice the unbridgeable differences.

  • "In my case..."

    I

    Divine Law suffers that same weakness. Remember I Samuel 15:2-3, God orders the Israelites to kill every man, woman, and child for revenge. Therefore, God would not have chastized me for killing a child at the time. Does that make it ok?

    Even If you decide to take revenge and the victim does not find out, there are always unexpected ramifications. For example, someone else might, and that may sway them into thinking revenge is ok...cont....

  • II

    ...The ramifications causes society to degenerate ever so little making the world just a little more hostile. This accumulates into pandemonium. Each individual is responsible for securing their small part in order to assure that the entire world is peaceful. If one person abandons this responsibility, it is no big deal; but if we all do it, no one survives. This is why we should at all times seek to preserve that order, even if there is no direct consequence.

  • In the old testament it was perfectly OK to kill an abominable person. The Old testament tells the story of a People defending a nation, with borders (Israel), the nation of God, supposed to be a Holy nation, where no wickedness would exist. Yet, men failed miserably, and God sent Jesus, as a way to atone for men's miserable failure. So we are forgiven now, and we christians are not to kill anymore. Your reluctancy to kill comes from your western culture, kind of christian, once upon a time.

  • "In...time."

    I

    You are half right. My morality is derived from my culture, but it has nothing to do with divine will. Siddartha Buddha was teaching high morals and peaceful morals hundreds of years before Jesus was even born. Apache Indians practiced concept of reciprocity (the format of which is simular to the morality which I advocate) before the Europeans ever thought of imposing religion on the West.

  • II

    And we are not only talking about the killing of 'abominable' people, but also that of their children, ones who were not even given the choice to be 'abominable' yet; what happened to their free will?

    It is also interesting to note that they also often killed the cattle & animals. The needless massecre of animals is often considered immoral in itself. The Apaches for example would always ask for forgiveness to an animal he hunts and only kills when he and his family needs to survive.

  • III

    That is because as opposed to the egotism of Jeudo-Christianity, in their theology, humanity is considered the weakest and most unnecessary part of the "Creator's" design.

    So far these people, and their God is far more peaceful, and moral than yours.

    Buddhists, primarily atheistic, also exibit on average a higher amount of tolerance and moral structure than the average Christian. Even when you do not warrant an eternity of suffering for a mere lifetime of misdeeds.

  • My morals are based off of what I tell myself is right and wrong. You don't have to fear to feel compassion, and to know that certain things are wrong. Religion is for people who can not understand things, and who need answers to all of their questions, even if they are wrong. And religion is mans way of controlling each other.

  • Yes but N3rd, Hitler killed to Purify the Races in the name of "god"

    Its the same thing as a lion killing for food because Hitler had "god" on his side.

    Lion > Food > Right and Just

    Hitler > Purify > Right and Just because of "god"

  • You are correct, there is no objective morality, but that is a different subject, it is a cultural construct..

    This begs the question, are you moral because it is right or are you moral because you fear ultimate consiqunce from God? Since God has historically ordered the death of the innocent. rape, pillage, and all other manner of atrocity, I would rather stick with my evolutionarily based, culturally relative morality.

  • Dear Friends, this guy makes the stories sound wacky, and Paul Washer makes them sound great. Great and Fearful is Yahveh of hosts. Who will tell him: "What are you doing?" In any case, any serious person would take it upon himself to read the entire text of the most published book in history. A guy who reads, who is not in front of the TV. If anyone is serious, read the Whole text by yourself and be careful when you speak about what you have not read. Read it yourself. Check my favs. God Bless.

  • I just heard the story of the short biblical book of Jonah, speaking of a reluctant prophet, a big fish, and a repentant people. This would be a real treat if retold by Azsuperman.

  • I need my Az fix. I hope we get a whacky bible 3 story. These are great!

  • That story makes the BuyBull sound like a loosely cobbled together collection of myths, legends and fairy stories, compiled by a primitive tribe of nomads wandering around a semidesert.

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmm?? ;-)

  • The signs in Matthew 24 were signs for the people of Jesus's time of the destruction, the end, of Jerusalem, BUT are also the signs of the end of the world. These signs were fulfilled within the "generation" Jesus was talking about, but they will also happen at the end of the World. You may call God cruel, but He is as loving as He can be, because He still gives you the chance to repent, instead of striking you dead right now, in spite of all you say about him. May God bless you in Jesus' name.

  • Why does an angel need a sword. Whats the freaking point in an angel carrying a bronze age weapon? Wouldnt they have machineguns that fired swords that fired axes that fired guns that fired bombs. Or lazers. Or even no weapon at all, because y'know, theyre a fucking angel and can destroy planets by wiggeling their fingers? What use is a sword?

  • Daniel 9:24-27. 483 (69 "weeks"(sevens) )years after rebuilding temple after babylonian exile, (By decree of Artaxerxes)(30 AD, year when Jesus started his ministry) Comes Messiah. He gets "cut off" (Killed). Temple and city destroyed (roman general (later emperor)Titus, Fulminata Italiana, 70 AD, not in the Bible but in Roman accounts), sacrifices and oblations ended in the temple until today (hence the wailing wall). HOW did Daniel know? SUCH prophecy, SUCH accuracy, is just impossible.not4God

  • more, more, more Wacky Bible Stories!!!

  • Read it yourself, friend (King James Version) and see, perchance in addition to "wacky" they may also be true. Fear, friend! fear, for the Day of the Revenge of the Lord is coming. Fear and look for Him, while He can still be found. At least do your investigation, read the whole thing by yourself. And after that, ask yourself: how did Daniel know that 483 years (69x7)after rebuilding the temple would Messiah come?and then Messiah gets killed?And Titus comes destroys temple again? and city? SEE.

  • david

    I've already explained Y I can't submit to anything, man or god, that I have to fear. And I might add that if that's your primary reason for being on your knees to him, you might want to rethink it. Besides, if he's tht ruthless and terrible, what makes U think he'll keep his word to U?

    If U gotta go out, go out on your M F'ing feet! Maybe U and me aren't made of the same stuff, I don't know, but I sure don't see god the way U do, especially if U have to face him.

  • I like when you do gods voice haha

    great video

  • For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

  • Amen. Blessed be the name of Jesus!

  • Posting again, I want to encourage Arizona Superman to continue his Wacky Bible series. Don't rush, but whenever a chance to create another video arrises, please do it. I think Az has a knack for doing these, and one day it'll be a mainstream show. The humor, knowledge of the actual bible stories, delivery, and somewhat interesting vernacular give Az a good shot at successfully expanding this idea. I want to encourage Az, so I can learn the bible better, lol. I'm to lazy to read it.

  • Hahaha, these are fun! These are the stories that should be read to christian children to show them exactly how loving their god is!

  • THESE are the stories that SHOULD be read to children, so that they learn to FEAR THE LORD. "The Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom" says the Bible. Read the story by yourself, in the King James Bible, and judge better. Our God is a TERRIBLE God, and our very breath is in his hands. Do you think you can mock God, or fool him? Of what use will shrewdness be with him? No, God is a terrible God, but loving at the same time, that offers free salvation if you Believe in JEsus, (not in churches).

  • No, it should be taught that, "This is how primitive leaders convinced themselves that being violent to others is justified - they used to create gods to solidify their wavering followers, to ease them into thinking that killing other people is a good thing, as long as they believe that this made-up god will punish them for not complying. Some people are ignorant enough to believe these kinds of things, even today! I know, it's totally ridiculous - you have to watch out for them."

  • Read the entire Bible, cover to cover, and then speak. After Jesus, we are not allowed to kill, but we are told to show the other cheek, to love our enemies, and to pay good for evil. Now why are most "christians" killing people? For the same reason that makes you not be a christian: they have not read the entire Bible, but are following what the pastors say. You, read the entire thing, if you have an inquisitive mind. And after reading the whole KJV, try and count the times in Daniel 8:24-27.

  • The bible's just not one of those fantasy novels i'm very interested in. I've read 12 books of it (mostly old testament), but it still promotes the idea of spreading the faith and that everyone else who doesn't have faith in jesus is "wrong" - mix it with man's passion: that's the fundamental root of the religion's history of violent conversion methods. Once we eliminate that mindset (that everything else is wrong), we end the religious bigotry. I don't need to read fiction to understand that.

  • Dear friend, you are going through a good way, if you are at least reading it. I think the best way is to read it front to back (King James version, if you are able to read good old english), and then evaluate if the messianic prophecy in the old testament really has its fulfillment in Jesus, or not. And if it is genuine fulfilled prophecy, or a scam. Now if its a scam its interesting how early christians WITHOUT FIGHTING BACK would give their lives for their testimony. Because they SAW.

  • david

    U said; "Read the entire Bible, cover to cover, and then speak."

    Listen kid, I'm 63 years young, but I have read the bible front to back. I've also read parts of the Codex Sinaiticus and the Vulgate, among other assorted texts like the Apocrypha, both old and new, and some of the Forbidden Books of the Bible.

    So do yourself a favor and come off that high horse.

    Btw, do U know for a fact when "all" the scriptures were written?

  • david

    What I meant to say. Do U know when all scripture were written in relation to each other? Do U know who wrote them?

    Please don't say God. I'm referring to the men who physically wrote them, and when. I'm not asking what you think, or what you've been told, or what you've read, but what U "know."

    This is the problem we have with any ancient texts.

  • david

    Any god I have to fear, I cannot love respect or worship. In fact, I refuse to do so simply bcuz I detest tyrants, dictators, and bulies.

    If I have to face him, I will tell him exactly that. If he was a god of love and taught thru love, then it may be a different story.

    Just bcuz someone/something is more powerful than U, and threatens U, is all the more reason not to kiss his/its ass.

    I thnk I see Y Lucifer and the angels rebelled now!

  • BURN IN HELL SINNERS !

  • Considering the Jews dont like Jesus (they killed him, together with the romans), how is it that Daniel (A jewish writer, in the jewish book(old testament)), BEFORE Jesus even came, gave the EXACT TIME of the coming of the Messiah (70 sevens original, from the rebuilding of the temple, formerly destroyed by the babylonians). Check in my favorites the video 3 and 4 of "just another man?) by Walter Veith. A-MA-ZING, my friend, A-MA-ZING.

    Praise be to The Lord Yeshua on high!.

  • david

    Since all of this was written several thousand yrs ago there was plenty of opportnumity , especially for the early church fathers, to make everything fit. They manipulated scripture and had it portray the Xtianity they wanted or believed it should be.

  • Dear friend, if you read the entire Bible, cover to cover (King James Version) and then the book "The Messiah" (Tony Alamo), and you are still not a believer, come and tell me. But if you say you were a Christian and you didn't read the entire Bible nor really believed in Jesus as the Jewish Messiah (Christ), you were NEVER a christian. Since you say you were a christian, can you tell me what prophecies are out there to make me believe in Jesus? Once you discover Daniel9:24-27, youll fallonknees

  • david

    Isaiah 19:4-5 And the Egyptians will I give over into the hand of a cruel lord; and a fierce king shall rule over them, saith the Lord, the LORD of hosts. And the waters shall fail from the sea, and the river shall be wasted and dried up.

    The river mentioned here is the Nile. The Nile is still one of Egypt's greatest natural resource.

  • david

    Jonah 3:4 And Jonah began to enter into the city a day's journey, and he cried, and said, Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown.

    Nineveh was never overthrown. Why? Because God changed his mind in verse 3:10, despite what Malachi 3:6, Numbers 23:19 and Ezekiel 24:14 says about God never changing his mind.

    Jonah 3:10 And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.

  • Dear six: Niniveh in deed, and just according Bible prophecy WAS overthrown, a NEVER rebuilt. JUST according to bible prophecy. Just google niniveh and you will find the ruins of it. The generation that lived in the times of Jonah repented of their wickedness, and they were spared. But Niniveh WAS overthrown and destroyed, as the Bible prophecied, and NEVER rebuilt, as the Bible prophecied. This is the case also with the city of Babylon (google it up) as it was foresaid in the Bible.

  • david

    I can assure you that when I read and understood the god of the OT, I decided nothing in the bible could make me fall to my knees.

    "God is only as good as his worst deeds." (Coota)

    God said he would rebuild his temple but there is a Mosque there instead.

    The O and N testaments could have been made to to correspond, but with the failed prophecies I listed earlier, we don't even need to consider it.

  • Beloved Six: The prophecy of the rebuilding of the temple, in Daniel 9:24-27, was fulfilled inmediately after jews came back from babylon. This is ABSOLUTE fact, COMPLETELY and perfectly undisputed, not ONE atheist historian debates this, so the prophecy was fulfilled. But the SAME prophecy in Daniel says temple would be destroyed again, AFTER messiah gets killed. Jesus was killed and Romans (Titus) destroyed temple. Today theres a mosque so effectively sacrifices were stopped (just as prophecy)

  • david

    Heres one final one for U:

    Matthew 24:34 Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.

    Jesus states that all the signs marking the end of the world in Matthew 24 would be fulfilled before his generation ended. That generation ended 2000 years ago, and the world has not come to an end, neither has all those signs been fulfilled.

  • Dear friend: He didn't say: "end of the world" (In Matthew 24), but these are the signs of the end. OK. 1: Read the signs. 2:Read the account of Roman historian Flavius Josephus, who accompanied Titus whose soldiers (against imperial command)destroyed Jerusalem to fulfill Daniel 9:24-27. F.J. was not a christian. Read his account. Christians were saved because they FLED Jerusalem (as Jesus told them to). After reading F.J. (google), read the curses in Deuteronomy 30. Again, 2 fulfilledprophecies

  • Your objection seems fair, sixkiller. But your objection in deed shows that you NEVER KNEW HIM. Now, regarding Old testament, JEWISH messianic prophecies, is is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE that Jesus could have arranged the fulfillment of every single one of these. Unless He is God himself, which of course He is. So yes, He arranged everything to end up being the only one ever to fulfill all those prophecies. Now, regarding the first christians lying, the thing is that pagan sources confirm scripture.

  • david

    This is a catch-22 for U Xtians. U can never be honest in your respnse to anything we pose to U as previous Xtians bcuz U must always say that we never knew god since we now don't believe.

    U give us absolutely no ability to discern 4 ourselves what we find in our understanding & experience with Christianity.

    I have found very few honest so-called Christians.

    If U admit we R correct even once, U admit that we may in fact be correct in our positions now as Atheists.

    Sad U R dishonest.

  • Good $hit. Funny stuff, ha, ha , ha. This is a good gig or a good idea for one. I can just imagine a sermon being told like this. I like the voice change for God. Other ideas while telling your "sermons" might be to get a priest's outfit and collar, and a church or chapel setting if possible. Then, maybe give the reading like you're really serious about it and sincere about the integrity of God, but it comes out all fu_ked up like these stories. LMAO, it's good stuff though.

  • none of the 10,000 possible gods exist including the one u are speaking about here... why worry so much about analyzing retarded books like the bible and stuff? haha

  • Maybe "ass" didn´t mean "donkey" in that story...;-)

  • Vito

    Ha! Yeah....He found the local village Idiot, jumpled on his back, started hittin' him with a branch! I can see that now, ha.

  • those people were destroyed for there sins, Israel did not just kill,they were judged and found guilty.

  • daddy..

    The women and children had to be slaughtered too? What sins did the children commit. And even if they were all guilty of sin, why didn't god, with his infinate wisdom, just appear to them and say "repent?" I'd bet every lst one of them would have. Why didn't he give them the chance? Cuz he's evil and ruthless. But then if he was a real, loving, compassionate, forgiving god, he woudl have done exactly that.

    Sorry daddy...noit real. Just primitive, superstitious BS.

  • A Loving God MUST hate. If you Love what is good, you must HATE what is not good. If you love virtue, you must hate sin. A JUST God MUST punish. Today, for christians (Unlike in the Old testament), we can not go to war or serve in the police or put ourselves in a position of harming anyone. We are told to "love our enemies". Jesus came to speak peace unto the gentiles, and to break the chariot of ISRAEL. And we, who believe in the King of Israel, JESUS, ARE israel. We dont have chariots.

  • david

    Now I hope U will think about that; "a loving god must hate." There R hmans who truly love but don't hate. Y would an advanced loving god have to hate? Besides, U don't know anything of the mentality of god. U don't even know what he looks like. U say he must hate bcuz U have to make sense out of scripture. This is the same problem AZ talks about in an earlier video. This is what got him started in asking the important questions. U spout them out as if U R reading from the OT.

    THINK!

  • God, who is the Truth, the Way, and the Life, MUST hate LIES. Should God not hate rape? Yes, He hates rape, adultery, fornication, greed, oppression. But my God loves purity, generosity, virtue. But He is so compassionate that He does not destroy humans who practise these things that He hates, but gives them chance after chance, to repent. And if they do, Jesus Christ's atonement pays for all our sins. He took all our punishment. God wants us to be true, to have compassion, to be pure.

  • God had no problem killing everyone in Sodom or Ninivah or Jericoh. He had no problem wiping out the world in a flood. He had no problem giving divine support to the Israelites invade the sinful cities and rape and murder and pillage. I mean, allowing them is one thing, helping them is another.

    The problem is... if God is a liar, then his statements about being the Way, the Truth, and the Life can't be trusted in the first place.

  • Dear friend, God wipes off the face of the earth millions of people every year. So, is He evil because He takes what He gave? He lent you your life, IT IS NOT YOURS. You don't know if you will be alive three days from now, you are completely in His hands. It is not wrong to take back what you lent. Now, in the Old covenant God told his people to punish wickedness (the abominations of the pagans around, like children sacrifices, harlotries, etc). But Under Jesus, we are to love our enemies.

  • Then you admit that the statement...

    "But He is so compassionate that He does not destroy humans who practise these things that He hates..."

    ...is incorrect, he DOES do these things, but you believe he is justified in doing so, because he owns us.

    Child sacrifices are wicked, thus the solution is to kill the children? Harlots are wicked, thus the solution is to forcibly marry the women, which is effectively ceremonially rape? Check your argument.

  • II Your argument also fails in that if you accept that God can take life back without infringing free will, then he could take the life of evil men, such as Hitler, before they have the chance to kill millions.

    Your logic basically suggests that men such as these are carrying out God's will, because if God did not want these men to succeed, they wouldn't and that it was therefore God's will to take the lives of these murdered people back.

  • Everything makes more sense when you realize that all men will be judged, in the day of the resurrection. ALL will be resurrected, and our secret deeds, good or bad, WILL come to the light. Those who suffered here unfairly, and died early, will be compensated, and those who hated God (Like Hitler) will also be compensated. This life ends anyway, early or late. But what is to come, is what makes everything make sense. If God does not exist and no judgement is to come, then lets all be selfish!

  • What blatant red herring. I asked you if you admitted that your previous statement is incorrect.

    If I were to injure you and then nurse you back to health and compensate you, does that make my injuring you any less of a crime? It means that I have committed evil and then committed good. Your logic only implies that God is evil now and will become good. This cannot be. God does not change. Hence, the only reasonable conclusion is that he will remain evil, and his promises are a false Nirvana.

  • Also, God cannot righteously punish Hitler As your logic implies, Hitler was the left hand of God and was doing his will, he killed millions because God thought it fit to take their souls back. He cannot punish Hitler any more than he can punish Joshua or King Solomon or Moses. This is why I advised you to check your original logic instead of proceeding to make subsequent claims.

  • Beloved, before go on. You are accusing God of all these slaughters, performed, according to the Bible, by His people (Like David, Joshua), with His Blessing, and also by Himself (like in the case of the People who died because they worshipped the golden calf, in the times of Moses). What is your proof that God performed these killings? Is it the Bible? (These killings are described in detail in the Bible). If it is the Bible, then, do you believe there is some degree of historical accuracyinit?

  • "Beloved...accuracy."

    I PERSONALLY believe that all "supernatural" accounts of the Bible are fictional.

    However, like many forms of fiction, like Fullmetal Alchemist and Harry Potter, there are also some very real places, names, and events which coincide with history.

    Yes, my proof is derived from the Bible, that is I am assuming that the Bible is completely accurate. Therefore, if my argument is coherent, you must accept either that God is maltheistic, or the Bible is inaccurate.

  • Well, If you put harry potter on the same plane as the bible, because both contain names of real places, and events which coincide with history, I dare you to try to make people believe that harry potter is real. Not even the author of Harry Potter thinks its real. (the money harry potter gives to the author is real, for sure). The Bible tells these events and these miracles, and the author never indicates its fiction, but completely and seriously claims his narration as real. Try n do the same.

  • "Well...real."

    But people do think that L. Ron Hubbards works are real. People do think that Joseph Smith's tales were real. People did believe in Jim Jones and all the other idiots.

    People believed in some Indian Guru in Atlanta so much that they were willing to burn out their retinas staring at the sun. Fifty intelligent modern-day people.

    The only reason there aren't people lining up to die in the name of Voldemort is because J.K. was nice enough to file her books under fiction.

  • God was "talking out of his ass"...what do you expect?

  • Excellent.

  • King

    I was waiting for something like that :)

    When you gonna be coming out with some new stuff? Always look forward to your vids.

  • Another example of why the bible is mythology! :D

  • "Dude, you're crazy...and forgetful. That's the worst kind of crazy!"

    That's not the worst kind of crazy. The worst kind of crazy is crazy, forgetful and all-powerful...oh, wait.

  • Did you upload this video again? I remember watching it several months ago.

  • (I think he's at least done something very similar to this one before)

  • hpesoj00- It looks like God isn't the only one that is forgetful, LOL.

  • BTW, the same can be said for the wacky stories #1 too. az, did you forget about these or did you modify them in some way, just curious.

  • hpesoj00 - Yes, this was part of an earlier video. I had so many requests to make these into a series of their own that I decided to pull them out and post the original two as stand alone videos... so when I make more it'll be easier to keep the series going.