Otherwise, not too bad. You kept it fairly subtle for the camera. Could make it just a bit more subtle so it draws us, the audience, in rather than us sitting back listening to you...we want to be drawn in like we're leaning forward so we can feel it.
That moment at 1:44 "So that's what I did" is the moment of change where he realises what he's learnt from the experience & how he has changed. It would've been nice to feel a change in your energy. (Always look for the "moment of change" in a scene/monologue) Your voice & rhythm stayed the same & therefore had no arc, just flat.
Other images include "I was gonna get sick, injured or something." Sick and Injured are different thoughts. Maybe "sick" is the feeling of a migraine or vomiting and "injured" is a broken leg or whatever...we need to feel your reaction and feeling towards these thoughts so we can be affected...and we will only feel it if YOU feel it.
Also, this is a monologue where the character is re-living the experience as he is telling the story so find those images where as you visualise the experience and let it affect you. Images like a "warm blanket" --> felt like there was no weight when you delivered it. Why did he use a "warm blanket" to "descirbe this feeling that came over him".
First off...Careful of jaw tension. Relax it more.
Just be cautious of those moments where it felt like you were pushing for effect such as "I was gonna die there. Totally alone!" and "the weight of the log snapped the limb off a tree."
Thanks James Jonathan for all you feed back.....never got so much from one person...HAHA...thanks again
craigd1955 1 year ago 2
PART 5
Otherwise, not too bad. You kept it fairly subtle for the camera. Could make it just a bit more subtle so it draws us, the audience, in rather than us sitting back listening to you...we want to be drawn in like we're leaning forward so we can feel it.
Overall, 6/10
JamesJonathon013 1 year ago
PART 4
That moment at 1:44 "So that's what I did" is the moment of change where he realises what he's learnt from the experience & how he has changed. It would've been nice to feel a change in your energy. (Always look for the "moment of change" in a scene/monologue) Your voice & rhythm stayed the same & therefore had no arc, just flat.
JamesJonathon013 1 year ago
PART 3
Other images include "I was gonna get sick, injured or something." Sick and Injured are different thoughts. Maybe "sick" is the feeling of a migraine or vomiting and "injured" is a broken leg or whatever...we need to feel your reaction and feeling towards these thoughts so we can be affected...and we will only feel it if YOU feel it.
JamesJonathon013 1 year ago
PART 2
Also, this is a monologue where the character is re-living the experience as he is telling the story so find those images where as you visualise the experience and let it affect you. Images like a "warm blanket" --> felt like there was no weight when you delivered it. Why did he use a "warm blanket" to "descirbe this feeling that came over him".
JamesJonathon013 1 year ago
PART 1
Not too bad.
First off...Careful of jaw tension. Relax it more.
Just be cautious of those moments where it felt like you were pushing for effect such as "I was gonna die there. Totally alone!" and "the weight of the log snapped the limb off a tree."
JamesJonathon013 1 year ago