Should Adults Be Allowed To Bring Kids To R-Rated Movies Where We Masturbate?

[TheGameplaygeek]

Wtf keep it in your pants! Lol who masturbates in a movie?

[sPxd3v1oUs]

omg its clifford baines!

[MrAmazingLady]

hilarious.

[scarketzanpakto]

Kinda curious as to why they were allowed in in the first place... or is it just British law that says '18 plus means you have to be OVER 18 before you can come in'?

[SalientK]

@scarketzanpakto In the US, minors can come into R rated movies if accompanied by an adult.

[grisflyt]

@scarketzanpakto R rated is not 18. R is 17 or older. Then there's the "hard" 17, NC-17.

[katie123286]

@coldfist11 I'm kinda wondering that my self..

[bigdog440sp]

Lol

[Unguidedone]

i masturbate like 3-5 times a day :D

[mingermanger]

lol! XD new utube layout makes it say : Should adults be allowed to bring children to..... masturbate?

XD

[wardragonprime]

Seriously, I only problem I have is when the parent won't control the kid.

[ryukXsayu27]

@ 2:28 "Pro-family values conservative congressman outed as rapper Ludacris."

[theemotions]

If you add "...sure enough, I sit right down on a big Black dildo" to the end of any story, it makes it 10x better! (I was in the hospital last week getting my appendix removed, sure enough, I sit right down on a big Black dildo.) {I was in line at the DMV waiting to renew my drivers license and sure enough, I sit right down on a big Black dildo.}

[coldfist11]

Who the FUCK masturbates in a movie theater!

[cars675]

@coldfist11 I do i sit all the way back in the corner with my gf

[SirTannen]

@coldfist11 I'll tell you who, the people who give a SHIT about BIGFOOT.

[Rickardius]

Clifford Banes actually showed up at work!

[indecentthinking]

If you think the onion is serious, you're an idiot.

[EClunibusTractum]

@indecentthinking Funny, I say the same thing about Fox News..

[indecentthinking]

@EClunibusTractum

I think almost every news station is full of them.

[AlexLozanovski]

Lmao really? Ok then u ppl just need a life then hahahaha

[heavyvideo445]

LOL WTF!!?!?

[AlexLozanovski]

You ppl need a life and need to understand that everyone has rights

[bioniclefan1999]

@AlexLozanovski THIS. ISNT. REAL.

[cb400f75]

The difference between ONN and Fox news is Fox news is being serious.

[YoungFitting]

Omg at first I thought this was real. Hahaha

[TheYouwontgetit]

i do not remember the last time when i went to the movie theater and didn't jack off...

[jnnx]

This is not funny, this is sickening. And ads are helping to pay for it?

[BolookiBoy]

@jnnx Learn to relax. Its a joke.

[MrBunnyWasHereFirst]

@jnnx Learn to take a joke dude, if you can't laugh a little, you're going to be leading a very sad existance.

[Squeedledorf]

I love The Onion. Satire at its finest.

[DaGavinX]

Oh, it's Clilfford Banes!

[knolswimmer]

I took my little sister to Kung Fu Panda 2 and she kept asking why I was breathing so heavily.

[blackkat77]

1:41 i almost spit out my milk, and ive already seen this clip before lolol

[Omghedgehogs]

Im afraid theres something terribly wrong with these people. i mean... Kung Fu Panda? Seriously?

[TackyRackyComixNEO]

@Omghedgehogs I know, right? Cars 2 was MUCH more titllating!!

[WeEatBrainz]

CLIFFORD BANES! YOU ARE BACK!!!!!  HUZZAH!

[sisiroxu]

I don't see anything sexual about  a flabby panda doing kungfu

[qazzy]

this was actually enjoyable to masturbate to until they started talking about kids.

[GuyWithBluePoop]

@qazzy Then it was super enjoyable.

[MyLhansen]

why in the fuck are they fucken masturbating in a movie theater

[atheistworstenemy]

@MyLhansen why not?

[willk27]

@MyLhansen Come on, don't play coy now, didn't you know everyone masturbates in the theater?

[MyLhansen]

there fucken disgusting

[santahchrist]

@MyLhansen

You're not serious right?

[lokalllize]

thats disgusting the fat woman talking about her tits like that

[Linaeth]

@lokalllize

'Cause it would be okay if a thin, attractive woman did it. >.>

[ScottLieksMudkipz]

@Linaeth

It'd be ok if I was touching a thin, attractice man.

[SheSCREAMSRemedy7]

How do they stay so seriois xD

[KevinDobbie]

Roller coasters have height limitations

[Mitsu3000gt515]

In kung fu panda?really?lol just playin with my bare nipples!!

[b0010100b]

"they know not to turn around even if it sounds like i'm getting hurt" lol

[CCCBSneed21]

Ugh! Cant get this damn thing open!

[Hoops313]

Yay! Clifford Baines showed up for once

[atmatheprophet]

Yay Clifford Baines showed up to talk about masturbation.

[96bornthisway]

Lmfao, is this for real? I'm in stitches

[SirSebastianWang]

@96bornthisway Of course it's real. The Onion News Network is a respected, unbiased and fair name in news.

[DuskChill]

The question isn't why she had a jar of pickles, it's what was she going to do with them.

[Pelea10000]

Lol @ the end

[Bradguy123]

Wait... Does anyone here actually masturbate at the movie theaters?

[xXxKyonkichixXx]

just playin' with mah bare nipples! 

[justmedawg]

I'm 12 and what is this?

[CuddlyBadger]

This is so bad.

[VyzrX]

Tomorrow morning on today now, i never found out why people are always horrified these days.

[generalaone]

Little too explicit

[RammsteinTranslator]

@generalaone

Haha good one.

[TheUsername1029]

OMFG clifford banes finally came to the show!

[TrevorISmehName]

U CAN MASTURBATE IN R RATED MOVIES

[Abridgedfan134]

KIDS EVERYWHERE!

[PicturelessStories]

...so what, you're telling me my kids can't watch commercials now? hahaha

[foxinsocks88]

And here i thought i was the only person playing with my nipples during kung fu panda

[EClunibusTractum]

@foxinsocks88 i know the feel

[knolswimmer]

@foxinsocks88 Thank God we're not alone.

[WolfPredator89]

Lol - Clifford Banes wearing a perfect latex Juliana McKannis mask!!

[kleban10]

More Today Now!

[IamAmazing2011]

has there ever been a bad episode of the onion i havent seen one yet

[colombiantom]

who masturbates to a rated R movie, just freaking watch porn. and that's it

[id1337x]

@colombiantom Competent jerkers masturbate all the time to all sorts of things.

[terrorrname]

i find this relatively hard to masturbate to because thats what the video is on

it makes it sound educational

[RaZzze95]

Comedy diamond.

[XxElizabelleExtacyxX]

i dont even think kids should be in the movie theatre in the first place!! they cant even sit still for 15 seconds let alone an hour and half or so. and they cant keep their mouths shut long enough for me to understand what the hell the people in the movie are saying. don't get me wrong i dont mind kids but they need to behave in public :/ and then people don't need to be masturbating in public! its nasty nobody wants to be around that nasty fish smell or your jizz nachos.

[strongyang]

@XxElizabelleExtacyxX

are you kidding??

[XxElizabelleExtacyxX]

@strongyang no not really :/

[kakompo]

She [is] Clifford Baines. LOL

[Clearie552]

omg the ending with the jarr XD lolololol

[Notwithoutmypants]

Yeah, screw kids at R rated movies. They can't sit through it for like more than twenty minutes, then they start screaming and running around!

[BackwardAssassin]

I think Pee-Wee Herman would totally agree with these guys.

[JMBInuYasha]

Been watching R-rated movies since I was 3, I love horror :) Who the @#$%! masturbates in the theatre??? Yea, people (adults) are just nasty, and there's no hiding it (genitals/sex) from kids, no matter their age, especially in a PUBLIC place lol. They're funny :)

[DokDicer]

How very... bizarre....

I mean... usually I get the idea and the general problem Onion is getting at... but in this case I am just baffled...

[mertz313]

LOL aww fuck wut are you doing trying to open pickle har :P

[compwiz309]

2:24-2:35 LMAO!!!!

[XLordPikachuX]

Hi I am Peewee sitting in for Clifford Ban

[blueshogun96]

Lame.

[AnotherHam]

I can't be the only one who tries to figure out the satire of every episode and be completely stumped with this.

[Mcheetah]

People still masturbate in movie theaters? Hell, I didnt even know people still WENT to movie theaters!

Just download it online and watch it with friends after getting high and eating Cheetos, like everyone else.

[deedundone]

I didnt think i was gonna make it through alive lmfaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooo

[deedundone]

HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG LOL!!!!!!!

[Rhoten666]

watching 1:48

someone walks in...

awkwardness.

[SDCParrot]

I laughed a lot at the video, but then I laughed even more at the dumb people who think it's real. Lawl.

[ThatMazenierKid]

Yeah those jars of pickles are a bitch to open.

[zeitgeist1958]

LMAO!!!!! Dying laughing!!!!

[captainCanuck96]

is this fuckin real holy fuck

[lovekurtpeace004]

@captainCanuck96 yup. totally real. like santa

[helix4811]

@captainCanuck96

u must b neu around hurr...

[TsantenAnthony91]

@captainCanuck96 It's the Onion..... Of Course it's real...... NOT!

[lumin750]

@2:06

[ThePhantom89er]

OMG!!!! i dont know how these ppl made this!!!

[confusedkid6]

was that supposed to be Dean from Supernatural? lol thumbs up if you thought so too

[MapleJars]

2bucks sent me

[mko1okm1]

If i see the kid, I just spray over their faces

[EpicShyGuy]

I honestly thought this was real lol

[TheChincoFluffimus]

What is 2 bucks?

[ALSFLAVOUR]

@TheChincoFluffimus go to amzingfilms 247

[bpgt96]

2 bucks sent me as well as the 5235466 people who he also sent

[anEPICchild]

hahaha thank you 2 Bucks

[KATANAG0D]

a musical chinese immigrant sent me

[TheSTEFAN3MShow]

lol 2Bucks sent me

[MOHH2COD4]

2 bucks.

[Gazkhuul]

Comon this cant be real..

[asmileyface199]

@Gazkhuul you do know what the onion is right?

[Gazkhuul]

@asmileyface199 No what is it?

[TheVisibleWind]

@Gazkhuul If you mean "real" as in aired on TV, then no. It isn't real.

[XfberkX]

clicking a 2bucks link:smart

[JohnMonyror]

oh 2Bucks you always link me to amazing things

[TheurgicDragon7]

wow these guys are f*cked up

[RaymondBrickheimer]

i love 2 bucks

[iHORTYxz]

DAMN YOOUUUU TWO BUCKS!

[uJellie]

@iHORTYxz What did 2bucks do?

[ClearViewport]

cmon guys this is a parody news organization

[NinjaDeathstarVideos]

HAHAHAHAHA! turn on transcribe audio! oh fuck i am dying!

[forgetandforgive21]

CLIFFORD BANES?!

[GWdarkly39]

my parents walked in while i was watching this. it was an awkward conversation.

[bugattisupersport141]

who the fuck masturbates off of kung fu panda

[1simo93521]

@bugattisupersport141 erm.......not me ......

[tophersadvice]

@philldezzy96 read comment below fail tag

[tophersadvice]

@pheeldezzy96 not gonna live never wanked it in a theater but I've had sex multiple times in one. Most current insidious lol.

[mikevalla]

Wait... WTF?!  Clifford Banes isn't sick or otherwise disposed of? Fuck, I knew the end of the world was here!

[examinationboard]

God, the thought of these guys doing their business. Awful.

[MickeyDee420]

LOLOLOLOLOL



[higiggly59656]

Omg, Clifford Banes has is finally here!!!! (I wonder how he got out of being hung for high treaston...)

[BigDan2KC9]

press 7 for bare nipples haha

[gregaman]

they should have this on tv like comedy central or adult swim

[JMMT7022801]

@philldeezy96 Is that supposed to be a trick question???

I suppose it wouldn't hurt for a dude to stroke it to Megan Fox in the theater, provided his girlfriend brought a blanket with her.

Oh, I don't know.... What do you think?

Personally, I think it would be fucking hot seeing a girl whipping out her vibrator in the theater, lol!

[wilhelmcooning]

How the hell do they keep straight faces?

[redwallcools]

@wilhelmcooning they takie... SO many takes...

[Insignia96]

@wilhelmcooning no idea

[TheBobert324]

@wilhelmcooning Crack.

[TheOutspokenman1]

@wilhelmcooning Its just grate journalism :)

[blueshogun96]

@wilhelmcooning It's easy when the video isn't funny..

[Sclunger]

@wilhelmcooning It's not in 1 take.

[OtakuJyasuten]

@wilhelmcooning lolol so true

[SENTRY000]

I will never go to a theater again.

[HeikinAdamJ]

I feel the same way whenever Hannah Montana is on and I'm watching it with my cousin. God, that bitch makes me horny...

[viking977]

@HeikinAdamJ ...

[learber]

@HeikinAdamJ is your cousin hot? my  cousin freakin hot

[ElongatedVowels]

@HeikinAdamJ ...0_o...

[Sirthatguy]

Tell me about it. I was twangling my meat in the midnight screening of Deathly Hallows part 2 and this little girl saw me. I was infuriated with the parents for bringing a child, but quickly pulled it off as me doing a very complicated spell with my wand.

[isisdron]

@Sirthatguy lol! accio stiff penis!

[supermanXL]

@Sirthatguy Deathly Hallows isn't rated R

[KrazyKevinB2]

@supermanXL It doesn't matter the rating of the movie i'll be whackin' and jackin' it in the theater no matter what.

[YeahImAPrincess]

@MrCommentTroll Why thank you kind sir *bows*

[Tonian205]

I love "The Daily Show" and "In The Know".

Best shows ever.

[marine5546]

Clifford Banes has a rocking bod

[rmr355]

The best Onion episode of all time.

[JMMT7022801]

@philldeezy96 Relax, dude . Think of this way... The Onion is like booze--it's an acquired taste and for adults only.

[philldeezy96]

@JMMT7022801 But dude how the hell is somebody gonna beat their meat in a movie theater .......... foreal

[Khrene]

@philldeezy96 peewee herman did it

[philldeezy96]

@JMMT7022801 But dude how the hell is somebody gonna beat their meat or play with their pussy in a movie theater .......... foreal

[philldeezy96]

Motha fucker the only reason you worried about beating yo lil old ass meats and pussys in a movie theater seat thats some nasty ass shyt do you think adults even wanna see that bullshit y'all look a very mature age keep you'r shit in you'r pants damn it's a public place ... whats next its okay to masturbate in a mc cafe cause they don't advertise children on the commercials and signs ... dude what you really need to do is get some pussy and lady get some dick .... DAMN !!!!!

[ElongatedVowels]

@philldeezy96 ...Trolling to the extreme? I mean, wow...That's....well....dude..­..