cutting to prevent harm

[JovialGardenia]

I total know how it feels to be in the position as a Christian who happened to be transsexual. I've had a history of self-injury, but I rationalized the destructive nature. There were better way to deal with the situation. People, in general, didn't help much because they've said I was out of control or needed to be committed to an asylum. I do not recommend anyone to do it, but it served its purpose.

[Anaprince]

Doctors told me that that feeling is called Disociative Seizures. Which sounds scary to hear but I dont think they actually understood how it feels to be that distant from the world. Sometimes its as simple as a cut to bring you back to the real world. I understand. <3

[hatebreeder6666666]

ok trany fuck tard shut up no one cares maybe u should go kill yourself

or fuck turtle pussy

because u sound like a man and u look like a man and every one can see your a fucking man go die stupid thing

[Jink5]

Thank you Arianna.

[Innergoth333]

yea... she says "transvestite society"

xXMistyXx

[raymoch3]

hey i like your vid gave me somthing to do

and im extreamly sry to ask are you a guy or girl? now i feel bad for asking :(

[xZeeMx]

only retards cut themselves.

OMG I CUT MYSELF TO FEEL BETTER

HOW DOES ONE FEEL BETTER WHEN CUTTING HIMSELF?

THIS DOESNT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE YOU ASSWIPES

FUCK

[weerobot]

Excellent...

[annbgc]

"you have to stop running from problems and take care of them one at a time as they come up. all so you have to except that you can not control every thing no one can."

I remember the last time I felt like NOTHING I did was right, and I CAN'T go back there again! It's SO hard for me not to run when I feel bad about myself: shame makes me run. I don't always, but often.

[annbgc]

My last year of grad school was last time I felt like as hard as I tried, I messed up more than I got it right. That's what leads to s/i and not getting hungry.

I try SO hard to control things so that I do it right, and then I beat myself up, thining, "Why didn't you do THIS/why did you do THAT?" The stress is overwhelming. I'd rather feel numb than feel all this self-hatred. -AnnieMiranda

[manman523]

emofeg

[annbgc]

What does that mean?

[manman523]

mean your an emotional faggot

[annbgc]

So, are you bored or something?

[TaylorT345]

your name says it all (ignorant). usually you are the type that is hiding something as well.

[StealthCloset]

I don't like to cut myself. Just my social life. Even here on YouTube I tend to scare people away. I don't know how I can care without caring what other people think. I'm a weird person I guess.

As for self destruction, I go after my social life.

But when I'm at work & accidentally get cut by something. I'm like, ouch, & who cares anyway.

One time at work, I cut my hand deep enough to leave a scar. I didn't care, & I didn't need stitches.

I Love Life! No matter how Good Or Bad it gets. :-D

[xlostgracex]

i have struggled for two years now with this and i understand what you are going through. though i am not transgendered myself, i know that it would take a lot of strength and courage to get yourself out there, and am proud of you. i hope to have half the strength you have someday. stay strong! :)

[devilmachine1984]

What ever you need to get you through f*cked up times. There are much worse things to do...

[danablack]

Pain and Numbness are inevitable. Your thinking is faulty, kid. Open your eyes and experience the MIRACLE of living, of friendship, of solace, of peace, of fury, or sadness, or real joy. You're NOT SCREWED UP, you have faulty wiring in your brain. Find people that DO Understand. Find unity and it ain't here on the Internet. Person to person, soul to soul. Go live and find peace.

[pgy001]

"Find people that DO Understand."

That's EASY enough!

[Ann7107]

Absolutely, point well taken, pg001 (I'm sorry, I don't know what you prefer to be called)! It's damn hard to find people who understaand because so many people say so easily, "I understand" when they don't kow anything about what you're going through. But, hopefully, we can all find those genuine people understand just by listening to us talk about our pain.

-Annie (JAnnOMal)

[pgy001]

Thanks Annie:)

Well it's hard, VERY HARD trying to pick a name for YOURSELF. I've gone back and forth with so many names. I'm kinda leaning toward Joanna.

[Ann7107]

Joanna...awe, that's pretty!

-Annie

[pgy001]

Annie- My mom told me if I had been born female she would have named me either Heather or Erika, so for a while I went with Erika, b/c I liked that name better and I wanted to keep it as REAL as possible so I would be named what my mom would have really named me.

But that after a while that name didn't seem to fit me so I went by Eve, but again that name didn't either. So Now I like Joanna, b/c my birth name is John, and it feels more natural, since I'm used to having that J----n- sound:)

[TaylorT345]

i know what you mean with the names. i went with Kristina for a while but the name Taylor kept screaming at me. so, now i go with Taylor Anne.

[danablack]

I know pain. Not the same but know my own. Hurting yourself, making excuses, rationales/distorted reasons for cutting yourself is FAULTY. It's harmful. When is ENOUGH ENOUGH? See a THERAPIS, please. You CAN feel without having to hurt yourself. Pain can come and go, and yes, it's good to be in control of that, but there's a problem. This will ultimately lead to more pain and more shame. You know that. Listen to someone ELSE for a change,. You're not that smart, not that unique.

[kingblasphemous]

Self harm feels like the opposite of suicide. I don't see how it's any worse than prozac. It is ten times more effective. Just not socially acceptable I guess.

[StewartJerk]

I don't think you know anything, Aire!

[aire420]

you have the the right to think what you want.

[Spytrxter]

I envy you

my walls are perfected after 46 years of constant improvement '(

It is way too late for me to open the gates now - glad you saw it in time

[aire420]

that is bull It is never too late

[Spytrxter]

'never too late'?

Once you release the string of the bow and the arrow started on it's path - I'd call that too late to change your mind, wouldn't you?

[aire420]

but you are not a bow and the arrow. every day is a now start.

[Spytrxter]

You cannot begin to imagine the images and feelings a soldier of 30 years has locked up inside him - add an abusive childhood to that (at a time where beating a child was seen normal at home and at school) with the dogma punched into you that boys don't cry you come get an idea of the pressure built up over the years. Trust me, the slightest crack could spell a catastrophe by now

As much as I like to dream of having no walls - life would be impossible for me now without - just as without air

[Spytrxter]

You cannot begin to imagine the images and feelings a soldier of 30 years has locked up inside him - add an abusive childhood to that (at a time where beating a child was seen normal at home and at school) with the dogma punched into you that boys don't cry you come get an idea of the pressure built up over the years. Trust me, the slightest crack could spell a catastrophe by now

As much as I like to dream of having no walls - life would be impossible for me now without - just as without air

[jfcash84]

Thanks for the inspirational words, we all need a "Wake Up Call" every now and then. It's sad to see that it has to be us young ones issuing that wake up call.

Take care of yourself, and may you succeed in your other endeavors.

[Ann7107]

Arie, thanks so much for this statement you made in your comment: "you have to except that you can not control every thing no one can." The past few days, I've been reminding myself of that. I wish I could correct past mistakes. When I can't, I feel such anger at myself that I self-harm and I eat very little. I feel like I don't deserve to take care of myself. I'm trying to not think like that. I really am. Thanks for that statement. -AnnieMiranda

[chibiusa255]

*huggles* Though I've never been a cutter I can relate to a lot of what you say here. I spent a long time making myself numb and for a while was comfortable living like that. The time leading up to me starting my transition, I began to reattach me emotions. I owe a lot to a special person that opened up my heart...

My heart breaks and I cry sometimes. I feel great pain... but I also feel great love and great joy.

Thanks for sharing something so personal.

[hintgiver]

Great video. I have a dear friend who has had to deal with cutting as well. Thank you for sharing such a personal issue with so many. This video really hit home. Thanks so much again.

[walyfree]

May God give you peace and tranqulity with your inner self ...

[tunisianswife]

that was really so interesting, Aire. It helped me gain some perspective on the issue, which I try to understand a little bit of. You're looking so pretty; love the outfit and necklace. You've got alot of support here. Susan

[podcastbard]

Nice vid. Glad you broke through your emotional barrier. Hugs. :)

Love the necklace. It's pretty.

[aire420]

o thank you my broth Ryan gave that to me not to long ago.

[mad7o7]

oh the past I cut everywhere legs feet arms wrist everywhere but i'm gettin help so yah thats my past i know wat u went through babe I know the numbness and all that shit but sometimes i'd get so upset i wood close down and couldnt even control or remeber wat i did... but yah i know wat ur goin through

[pgy001]

The part you mentioned about life being like a TV show and you're just a spectator and not a part of, I get THAT feeling at family get-togethers!

[Ann7107]

Arie, you said you don't self-injure anymore...do you remember how you stopped? I want to stop but I always go back there. I hate myself...that's why I inflict alot of the physical pain on myself. Have you ever haerd of people who do that?

-Annie Miranda

[aire420]

yes you have to stop running from problems and take care of them one at a time as they come up. all so you have to except that you can not control every thing no one can. I still working on this one. we all have emotional pane it is ok dill with it as it comes. waking away from your problems dose not make them go away they joust pial up. but hell like I said I am still working on it. take it one day at a time and dont beat your self if you bake slide just start agin. with love Arianna

[Ann7107]

The self-hatred hasn't come up for me in a long time until recently. And, when I get like that, I self-injure and I eat very little. I stop feeling hungry. A couple hours ago, I ate the first actual meal I've had in a week. If I make mistakes, I call myself a screw-up and a bad person, and that's when the self-injury starts. Thanks so much for your comment.

-AnnieMiranda

[Ann7107]

Sorry, I thought I was gonna run out of room. But, thanks so much, Arie. Everything you said is so helpful.

With love,

Annie

[ryroluver]

*Hugs tightly* You're not "Just taking up space" sweetheart. But I've been there with the self harm, I've been cutting since I was 6. I was checked into an insane asylum when I was 12. But I'm sorry about your brother *Hugs* You've made a difference in my life, and I thank you for that

[cp7932]

Great vid. I am glad you made it. I recall having the same experiences. It is only been within the last year that I realized I was an empty shell and have begun to do something about it. The progress is slow, but I am starting to see results. Thanks Aire.

[davyjoe2000]

I have tried to write a response several times and none of them express how I feel. I will have to do it with a vid response. I am overcome with compassion, not pity, and fervently wish that there was someone in your life that would automatically give you a hug at random and frequent intervals.

Love,

Dave

[aire420]

some times i relly do think of you as a father thank you.

[davyjoe2000]

Me too, dearheart. Really.

[Ktronica]

I agree with you.

Keep in up.

You are a brave and strong person.

Blesses

[Tristan14578]

wow. very stong words. its good to know know how far you have come since then.

[Haruhixyourxuke]

<3 love it and couldnt have said things better.

[dizyrache]

hi, good video with some really wise words. i've gone through the whole of my life feeling too much and the other half of my life trying to block those feelings and succeeding really well, in a bad way, i might add! now im back to feeling too much which is leaving me kind of disabled, unable to function, but i too used to cut myself and starve myself then just throw up any food which i consumed, but thats another story! thank you for the video hon! XXX

[boomingpearl]

wow u cut too?

i used to nick my wrist a bit, but my parents they found out then i started cutting my hip. i still do mainly to keep from going crazy. i have numbed my self from the world now for my own reasons and i dont regret it at all! i just have to quit cutting

[Gray99]

WAIT?! You're cutting yourself?! Nevamind, you done!

Prostitutes! LOL!

[pgy001]

You don't know anything about what she goes through so just shup up!

[Gray99]

Honey you know if you saw me in real life, you'd shit in your granny diaphers! Cause I'd get one of my girls to drop your ass so you'd go barren!

First off BITCH, you only came here to gawk at this woman as a "freak" and not as a woman! You don't support her, and you don't know shit!

[aire420]

time out WTF? did i miss some thing?

[pgy001]

I was saying that to Gray, I don't know why these coments don't show up under the right comments they are intended for, I guess I'll have to start writting the names of the person I'm addressing.

[aire420]

it is ok i did not think it was twored me so dont sweet it.

[TransQueen1]

Gray-Quit making internet threats!

[aire420]

time out WTF? did i miss some thing?

[changingone77]

For me cutting is a way to validate or articulate something I can't otherwise express or don't understand. I'm not suprised so many trans people are cutters, given the contentious relationships we so often have with our bodies.

Insightful video. Thanks for sharing. -jamie

[MissouriGothGirl75]

I understand what your saying as at one time I was like that. After the death of my best friend, I became hidden inside. I put this on my favorites.

[MissouriGothGirl75]

meant to say playlist too

[tobyr3]

Thank you for sharing these deep feelings. I see growth and wonder for you, Aire. I'm better for it as well.

[JAnnOMal]

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's passing away back then. I'm glad that you can feel so many things that you couldn't feel before. I'm glad you're not numb anymore. You said without a reality check, we'll think, "What if I take it one step further" I signed into a crisis center because of that. "scary" doesn't describe it. I hope you don't feel that way. I worry when I hear someone talking about it. Very educational video. I hope poeple who need to see it do.

-Annie

[JAnnOMal]

And, I know self-injury and feeling suicidal are two different things (hell, I used to be a counseling major...I BETTER KNOW THAT!). But, for me, they went hand-and-and...I know it's not the case with everyone who self-injures OR is suicidal. I felt such intense pain that I cut myself because I didn't know how to deal with so much pain. I needed to releas it. I still struggle with self-injuring but I've gotten alot better.

-Annie

[Kumbulu]

Excellent, excellent video, Aire.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

♥