Added: 1 year ago
From: RoyZimmerman
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  • Poor guy got burned by a lack of client confidentiality! ;p

  • Well, daaaah!!

  • YOU FORGOT PHIL HINKLE!

  • COMING SOON - "Marcus Bachman is completely heterosexual, Marcus Bachman is completely heterosexual, Marcus Bachman is completely heterosexual, glory how-he-blew-ya"

  • Dry retd rt en effeCT

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  • NEW: Phillip Hinkle (R-IN) IS COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL.

  • Marcus Bachmann is completely heterosexual.

  • Look at what that dirty self-hating Christian hypocrite did to Kirk Murphy

    /watch?feature=player_embedded­&v=A-irAT0viF0

  • "Gays should not adopt a child ... but renting one's ok!"

    Oh BURN.

    Seriously, though, hypocrites are the worst, especially ones like George Rekers. Don't try to make out-and-proud people miserable because of of you own insecurities.

  • JOHN PAULK is comletely heterosexual...

  • Fred Phelp's most be a total manslut then! Wonder if he swallows? If you see him or his family, be sure to ask!

  • @MultiRaep The biggest closeted public figure out there at the moment. Has to be.  Can't wait til that guy dies and we can all protest at his funeral.

  • @MultiRaep I live less than 50 miles from this cult....so I asked Fred your question. He took his teeth out.....wiggled his tounge at me, and told me to meet him in the bushes in 30 min.. I haven't had a good nights sleep since...I wake up in panic attacks...I find myself rocking back and forth now....I now answer my own questions....people will only talk with 1 of the 6 voices in my head, (they claim they can't hear them)....but i do have good news, i found a WONDERFUL Dr. cont.

  • @MultiRaep His name is Dr Richard Cohen. He is GOOD. He feels me (for only 2k $ a session.) He has established a dialog with all 8 voices in my head, he found 2 more than only spoke while i cat napped. After my 6th session he has promised a weekend retreat in the Hampton's. (just he and i, and some boy from ..rentboy.com) as well i now require NO sleep! :) And Fred never did answer the swallow question.

  • Heard this from a third party... Fred Phelps used to troll for blowjobs in Swope Park (Kansas City)

  • hey roy memorize your lyrics man! it would have been so much better that way...great song though

  • HEre is a really good suggestion: "Bishop Eddie Long is completely heterosexual..."

  • @ChavoMysterio Hell is that the truth!

  • wait wait you were in my town and i was not informed? WTF am i not mayor anymore?

  • Great chorus, verses a bit weak at first, but they get stronger as it goes on; are you still warming up, maybe, at the start?

  • @JCLeSinge I assume that he hadn't finalized the lyrics when he was performing, so it was a bit of a test.

  • *clap clap clap*

  • You own the fuck out of the guitarists that play for churches.

  • Cavity search!!

    No matter how many versions of this song you record, it never gets old.

  • LMAO.

  • "[X] is Completely Heterosexual" is the gift that keeps on giving. Barring a major, epochal shift in human nature in the next 50 years, Roy will always have fresh fodder for it. The real challenge is going to be keeping up -- he just doesn't copy and paste a new name into the lyric; every new target gets the full satirical Monty -- two or three verses of fully personalized, Olympic-class verbal gymnastics. I'd ask how he keeps doing it, but I don't know how he does it in the first place.

  • "Saddam Shame" used to hold the same place in Roy's oeuvre, written during the first Gulf War around 1991 for the Foremen (great harmonies), and updated periodically over the next decade and a half - particularly during the early days of "Gulf War II - Gulf Harder."

    Sadly, -- well, not really -- Hussein's capture in 2003, and his incredibly timely (if legally and politically appalling) death by hanging in 2006, put an irrevocable DS al Coda on that tune.

    Unless, you know...zombies.

  • So, who's next? Which rabid homophobe will be next out of the closet.

    -

    My money's on Bradlee Dean. What do you think?

  • @KapitanoStuff I'm gonna go with a woman this time and guess Coulter or a fox news anchor.

  • @graaar

    Good idea. Women can by hypocritical slime too. Though I'm not sure I want the image in my head of Ann Coulter face-down in a prostitute...caught on camera.

    -

    Heh. The image is in your head now, isn't it?

    -

    How about Carrie Prejean! Phyllis Schlafly? Sarah Pa...no, never mind.

  • @KapitanoStuff Yeah, I've wondered about that, no woman can sustain that level of girliness without some insecurity. It's just too much work, trust me. Someone like Carrie Prejean could easily act extra feminine (in the archaic sense of the word) to compensate for something that's not stereotypically considered womanly.

  • @KapitanoStuff Well, there was a new one this week... Tom Brock - a virulently anti-gay preacher from Minneapolis -- he recently called tornado damage to a local Evangelical Lutheran Church God's punishment for that denomination's passing of a resolution to allow openly gay ministers. To be fair to the shmuck, the resolution had passed just that day, at a convention _in_ Minneapolis. How could he resist?

    Anyway, he was just outed by Lavender Magazine (YouTube won't let me link. Google it.)

  • @RemixedMag

    Hmm. If only I could think of something to rhyme with "Brock". :-)

    -

    "Fred Phelps will be outed."

    -

    I think he may be the ONE who's straight. The other mad homophobes are obsessed with gay sex, but he's obsessed with linking everything *to* gay sex, but not the sex itself.

    -

    Phelps is IMO just a nut.

  • @KapitanoStuff He may not be _next_, but I am convinced that at some point -- maybe posthumously -- Fred Phelps will be outed.

    No, not just outed. I expect him to be found dead in a motel room, naked (except for the S&M gear and um, phallus replicas, in every orifice), hovering over either 40 years worth of Polaroids of young boys, or possibly the strangled body of the rough trade he hired for the evening.

    I'm already preparing my "God Hated Fred Phelps" placards for the funeral.

  • This song will live for ever!

  • Roy can just keep adding, enough material for years to come.

  • LMAO @ The 2 thumbs down! Has to be an accident. 

  • @fiusux12 Or related to George Rekers

  • hahahahaha

  • Another win for Mr. Zimmerman! And another win for pro-gay activists. :D I always love the part about "choosing to be a hetero and seven foot two".

  • There's been, like, five generations of this song as more and more anti-gay people turn out gay.... How long till you run out of rhymes =P <3

  • I just loved this. ESPECIALLY THE ENDING!!! Brilliant!

  • I got the Harry Reems reference. Is that a bad thing?... Roy, the cheezy mustache reference is funny as heck, but completely irrelevent in this case--Harry Reems only made "straight" porn movies... Maybe you should have chosen one of the gay porn actors that they hire for the Bohemian Grove events like Chad Savage--oh, wait gay porn stars are usually clean-shaven... Never mind...

  • I should have seen this coming--the song, not the whole scandal thing. Although I'm of the opinion that most of these virulently anti-gay are that way because they don't want others to find out how much fun it is, and thus cut down on the competition.

  • George Rekers is completely owned!

  • I see you've come to the same conclusion I have; all the most vocal anti-gay people must have super-glued themselves to the closet floor. Can we just declare all of them gay, now? I mean, the pattern's pretty well established at this point.

    Seriously, folks, if you're going to argue a group of people is somehow bad, you may want to make sure you're not one of them. I thought that was common sense, but apparently not.

  • @SariEverna

    It is common for people to believe that since they are 'one of the Good Guys', the rules don't apply to them. People seem to nearly always have reasons why 'it' can't happen to _them_---see German Jews pre-WWII, guys who do gay guys but consider themselves straight,and so 'can't get AIDS'...and probably me in some way I don't recognise.

  • @ObviousSockPuppet23 I'll definitely buy "screw the rules, I'm a good guy" as reasoning. I can only really wrap my head around "it can't happen to me" as applied to getting caught. That type of reasoning always seems like it's only for things that aren't fully in your control, and while being gay is in that category, speaking out against gays certainly is not! Maybe he realized late-ish in life, and was afraid of how a change in his public opinions would look(Hint:better than hypocrisy does!).

  • @ObviousSockPuppet23 The same mentality is seen in some anti-abortionists, who, when they need an abortion are " But you don't understand, I'm different, I really need this, those other people are just sinners"

  • very funny!

  • Thank goodness for the youtube channel if this hadn't come up 3 days ago I'd have never have checked his webpage and found out about his concert in my town today which was gut bustingly funny.

  • another good job, Roy...:)

  • This singer forgot to mention something. Rekers REEKS.

  • A lovely video!

  • streeeeeetching it a bit lyric-wise, but still funny every time.

  • This is so cool & thanks Roy! I'm not gay but I'm I Florida citizen and I'm REALLY PISSED my tax dollars go to this totally creepy hypocritical nutcase. I'm so tired of this sh*t and the political parties that think this is okay and what they are supposed to do.

  • Oh George!

  • I've never heard of Roy Zimmerman, but now I'm subscribing. Brilliant satire in the style of Tom Lehrer!

  • George Rekers & Ted Haggard should hang out!!

    Great song!

  • Well done!

  • This song gets better every time you rewrite it. How many times does this make it?

  • Harry Reems is your father.

  • I think I'll denounce masturbation publicly and loudly

    In about 10 minutes time ^>_>^

  • This song is going to turn into a modern "Alice's Restaurant". You'll have to keep adding verses about the next rabid anti-gay completely heterosexual mouth piece. Yeah, I went there.

  • seems to borrow heavily from a song about a certain haggard individual I remember

  • I'm ashamed to admit that I got the Harry Reems bit. LOL

    Another great twist, Roy! This is a theme that deserves recycling, as the list gets longer, and longer, and...

    Hilarious!

  • Hey Roy, I love your stuff, but you need to get it right! That "completely heterosexual" never blew me. I'd tell ya ;) You gotta know that I'm just kidding. This master of science is loving your intelligent humor! You're an Atheist blessing to youtube, the US, the world, and my mind.  "...but renting one is okay." I was crying laughing at that point! Also when they say that masturbation is wrong, I say, "Open REVOLT."

  • Gosh, you are SUCH a good musician. And you're hilarious. And every song you sing could not be more true AND relevant. Why the FUCK are you not more popular. The funny thing is, if you were a contemporary of Bob Dylan (Robert Zimmerman) you would most likely be incredibly famous.

  • Great research. Thanks for the laugh.

  • Are you just going to use the same melody for songs about dudes who we find out are "completely heterosexual"? Not that I mind, I'm just curious.

  • @QddpprrQ

    I think it makes a point that, well... there is -maybe- (or may not be) some kind of TREND there. Just Maybe. :P

  • @HealingBlight lol Yeah probably...

  • @QddpprrQ I so think he should. A good tune deserves to be re-used. I just wish he would come up with different abominations from Leviticus each time.

  • @Narmical

    My personal favorite is shellfish...I'll start worrying about homosexuality being an abomination when Fred Phelps starts picketing Red Lobster restaurants.

  • @Narmical Personally I like the ones he uses.

  • ooh Harry Reems... I GOT IT!!

  • Bewdiful Roy!

  • dang you totally crack me up.

  • LOL I Love that!

  • 3:28 Roy you forgot Charlie Crist.

  • could be funny if it flowed a bit better

  • Hahaha I love this version!

  • Really liked this, look forward to seeing you at The Amazing Meeting this summer.

  • "The question then becomes how do you know when a rabid virulent anti-gay activist is in fact gay?"

    The answer is "yes".

  • @FairCogent It was way funnier the way Roy said it.

  • 'Choose to be a hetro and seven foot two' LMAO

  • Brilliant :)

  • Pfwaahahahahaha!!!  major LOL @ rent one is ok!

    Awesome adaptation Roy!!!

  • Comment removed

  • I love your songs Roy. You're the man. I'm sure you will remember the lyrics next time ;-) Sorry, couldnt resist...

  • Nice to see more from you.

  • I liked this but it is the same old tune... perhaps Larry Craig might sue

  • always love your uploads roy, as soon as i heard about this i knew you'd have a new song about it in the next few week XD

  • Love the latest in the "Completely Heterosexual" series, Roy! I'm beginning to doubt that these will ever stop being hilarious.

  • Ha this song pwns George Rekers up the ass........ no pun intended.

  • As a musician who proudly almost always has a music stand with them whilst performing, I can sure appreciate this. Go Z-man.

  • You have two thumbs down on this video...? Wow, nice to know George Rekers and Ted Haggard are suscribed to you on YouTube, huh? LOL Well, DUH!!!!

  • thanks for getting that part stuck in my head "and what did Leviticus have to say/ yeah what did it say/ about being gay/ to lie with man..." in all three of the "completely heterosexual" songs that catches in my head

  • transcribe audio hilarity:

    "... wearing polyester and that's it"

  • Roy Zimmerman, you are the man.

  • Yup the list is getting embarrassingly funny. Love it Roy. Keep at 'em!

    Oh and we missed you in Reno. You went all around us.  :P

  • YES!

  • heh, i called it.

  • awesome!

  • its been far too long since you've posted something, keep em coming Roy 5/5

  • lmao roy!

    Proud to say I got the Harry Reems reference!

  • Another hit!

  • Niiice.

  • bwahahaha!! I was at that show! Awesome.

  • Fucking brilliant! XD

  • glad to have you back sir... and harry reems did have a mouthfull of mustache.

  • missed you on the tube sir!

  • Now I've posted twice and they haven't shown. If I now have 3 posts, OOPS!

  • Yay! Another video! I'm glad you grabbed onto this one, Roy.

    Uh, that didn't come out right. !

  • Ah- HA! Now Roy grabbed it... uh, so to say.

    I'm so happy you posted a new video, Roy. See you in a couple of weeks. :)

  • Can't wait for the day when Roy Zimmerman writes a song about me, I'm going to have to make sure to actually win the representative job in November and not just run like the joke I'm intending.

  • Awesome, Roy!

    - Jason

  • flawless victory

  • please learn the song first. its funnier when you're not reading

  • Very nice! Can't wait until the next installment;)

  • what if he simply has a song where he lists all the politicians (GOP And Dem) who've had to come out because they've been caught out like this

  • how many of these are you gonna have to write? lol

  • Bravo Roy. The original Ted Haggard version is still the gold standard though.

  • Roy, the Harry Reems line is probably your best obscure reference since Wally George. :)

  • Look at that brilliant son of a bithc!

  • This is completely awesome! Looking forward to hearing this in person on the 24th!

    Anyone in the Philly area, come see Roy in Drexel Hill on the 24th of this month!!

  • Good thing this one never gets old - I have a feeling it's going to experience many more incarnations before the self-hating nutters realize that they need to just shut up about their own issues...

    d;^>

  • Harry Reems shout out!

    Awesome!

  • I love that you have an old song that keeps becoming new again. lol

    I can't wait for the next new version (we all know it will happen again)

  • In case anyone's wondering, Harry Reems is a porn actor in Deep Throat.

  • Roy -- fantastic work!! I still want an entire DVD of Roy Zimmerman!

  • Dammit.. I got the Harry Reams joke... I'll be ashamed of myself after I clean up. :P

  • Wonder who's next. I love this stuff, keep it coming Roy! I hope that even more of them are dragged out of their closets just to make them look ridiculous and to entertain us :D

  • When it comes to xtian leaders the jokes just make themselves sometimes heh.

  • Cheers Roy!  Well done!

  • Good laugh !

  • Spot on, man!

    Tan-Fucking-Fastic!

  • Why does he have to keep looking at the lyrics? :S

  • something about the way you made this one gets me not wanting to hurt your feelings but in an odd way I don't think I can't not do that if I tried.

  • Excellent work Roy!

    I was waiting for this as soon as I learnt about Rekers' story. Thanks for not disappointing!

  • Bloody hell, if they continue like this, within 10 years that song will be to long to upload on Youtube without a membership account.

  • Kudos to Zimmerman..

  • You keep adding to the list, give it a year your two just remembering the whole list of new self-hating homophobes caught will be a chore.

  • @anubis2814 Instead of singing the songs one at a time we'll do it in rounds, like row row row yer boat.

  • @anubis2814 you know all these ant-gay-gay's are only further backing up the psychological theory of "hate what you do not like being" which dates back to Freud.

  • I was there when he sang this one at Phinney - epic awesome. He's a genius with an amazing singing voice. Go Roy!

  • @CCGilthoniel I can totally hear myself laughing in the background.  My laughs are the super high, shrill ones. ;)

  • Bravo!!

  • yes! this song will have so many incarnations.

  • @b4baby it already is.

  • Someone actually voted down this video! They must be gay =P

  • @scbluesman13 now that is not true, they are COMPLETELY heterosexual ;).

  • Just awesome!

  • How long till you can fill a whole CD with the different versions? XD

  • Love you Roy!!!!!!! You are the coolest!

  • Roy Zimmerman is completely heterosexual

  • haha! everytime it's funny xD

  • Roy is always good.

  • Never mind the guitar chops, your skill as a lyricist never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for helping make this crazy world more bearable.

  • wow good song

  • Roy Zimmerman for world president!

  • They're ALL gay. I'm starting to feel sorry for the gay community, They have plenty of shit to deal with as it is and on top of it all they have to deal with these fucked up members (so to speak)-

  • @LynxChan now that was fun!

  • Love it, love it, love it.

    The comment I leave on every one of your videos. Because it's damn true.. :D

  • luggage, tug-gage, plug-gage

    Roy, you're too much!

  • Its funny watching him read from the lyrics (because the story is so fresh, he can't memorize it yet) Quick turnaround!

  • @filorps as a musician myself, I have done the same thing, and I think its totally cool that Roy would put this up unpolished. Much respect to he man, and you! :-)

  • glory how they blew ya?