@TheAnMish Have you ever in the workplace or school beeen told to do something that you do not enjoy and have no interest in and find it very hard to focus on it wanting to move on to other things, and you are chastised for it?.
@TheAnMish, you seem bent on wanting to be an "Aspie" but have you considered that you may be "suffering" from a high I.Q. that you haven't learned how to fully cope with? Just an impression, based on how you speak and ponder things. Very smart people often feel psychotic because they can't stop thinking about concepts!
Average dullards (many of whom have degrees) can be put off by true higher-thinkers and realists, so they automatically want to diagnose them with something
I found this by way of associated Bartlett overpopulation videos and was not expecting this much intensity!
Toward the middle of this video is probably the deepest angst I've ever seen on YouTube. Yes, you definitely feel, and you're very bright, but please hold it together! There is such a thing as too much self-involvement.
I have emotions oright the only time I don't is when I'm expected to show empathy because I feel overloaded or don't know what to do if a person is crying or upset.
Asperger Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder on the higher-functioning end of the autism spectrum. An individual's symptoms can range from mild to severe.
Their IQ's are typically in the normal to very superior range. They are usually educated in the mainstream, but most require special education services.
Because of their naivete, those with AS are often viewed by their peers as "odd" and are frequently a target for bullying and teasing.
I never saw someone being sad for being normal :P it is like you are enjoying the fact that you have this thing, and i think that is cool, means you already understood your disease and you are not like these other guys on the net saying that their lifes sucks :) you are cool, really really cool :) so don't cry, cus you should not be worried about what they say or think about you...cus you have aspie.
Thanks for uploading this video., It is good to see the invisible truth about aspergers. I work in an intership as a social worker. Colleagues often ask me to show more of the way I work. While I work right under their noses and tell them anything. It is as if they dont want to see the truth.
Colleagues tell me they totally accept me being an aspie, but they will not accept any restrictions. It is good to be accepted but I wonder if they even realise what they are saying...
Bringing awareness to autism is an amazing thing to do. I've created this Youtube channel to promote this new independent film called White Frog. It's about a young boy who has aspergers a form of autism. Please help spread the word with me. To watch the trailer type in "White Frog movie trailer 2" on youtube. Thank you.
I have ADHD, with some strong OCD leanings, and am also a graduate student in Developmental Psychology. The number of times other people hear that and immediately decide that because I made it through school that I am simply further evidence that ADHD is overdiagnosed and I was done a great wrong, because I obviously have no problem... well people make that assumption a lot. The reality is that people just do not see me on the bad days either.
I feel your frustration, it seems most people-whatever ur issue and if its diagnosed or not, whether it impacts on your life somwhat or greatly, (and they are arrogant enough to think they know how much it 'should') just want to judge in ways that fulfill their egos. I hope for the day when the many with thier ignorance become the few. In the mean while, try not to energise this with your focus to the point you find it debilitating, I know I give too much power to these ****s!
doesnt everybody act in some way.life is just a movie in wich u r the leading role.you write your own scrpit.you choose to be who you want to be .thats why different kinds of people from different places act different isnt it!?
Im an Aspie but whaaaat do u do when not even ur fam or ur husbands understnds you ??? What do I do? .... I try to be like normal but even when I have to fake a smile it hurst so much.
What i've found over my life time of having autism, is normal people don't actually respect us. i mean to them we're just things to beat up or test or even experiment on. i had to go from the age of 4 to the age of 14 getting tested on for autism and getting seen by Doctors who gave me medicine which destroyed my feelings and made me become a husk, one day a doctor found out what the medication was doing to me and took it off me telling me if i kept taking it, i'd die before i turn 15.
@Gaslydeath from the age of 15 - 18 i went to the hospital for more tests which also lead to local gangs finding out who i am and what was wrong with me which sent me to the hospital more times than anyone cared to know. i think i was 16 when the doctors had said the chances of me surviving was about 20%, 6 years later i don't trust people and tend to make sure i stay miles away from anyone due to the living hell they gave me, even tho i was diagnosed at 14 the doctors kept on at me
not anymore tho. it stopped when i was 18.. and i meant 6 years later from 16 not 18 as i'm only 22.. but meh it stopped because i know a good few people i had helped from doing odd jobs for them to pretty much risking my own life to save them. so they returned a few favours. and now i rarely come in contact with others and tend to like being miles away from any towns. i currently live in a small village type area and where i go to calm down is 14 miles away from where i live
@MrSkynetAdmin i have autism and i won't rise up to take people down. i mean due to my autism and the way my life was fucked up i've become one of the most defensive people known throughout my town, and due to the way i think and work i've ended up risking my own life to rescue others. i know i do it, but why i do it, is unknown. however it has had an effect on my life.
@MrSkynetAdmin its ok.. i've learnt how to be more than people are these days.. they keep saying evolution will make us better, does that mean i've evolved? as i do not require technology to get me to where i go wherever it may be, yet i have a full understanding on all technology, also it takes me between 10 mins - 2 hours to learn stuff then i'm fairly good at it. but yeah the way i've lived when i was younger made hospitals not so fun.. especially last year 5 days after my 21st Bday
@Gaslydeath mainly because 16 weeks of pain started then. having my jaw put back in place after what some people did to me, it wasn't a nice feeling then they said they'd have to remove most of my teeth and make the rest metal.. so now i have metal in my teeth and can't walk past magnets without it interfering with my teeth. all i can say is, i might not have a girl friend due to the way i live, but where i go would make others cry from the beauty of it. i even have pictures on my mobile..
@MrSkynetAdmin just need a way to get the pictures off my mobile and into a slide show.. but knowing the way slide shows are done on here people will probably have a go at me.. sadly its the way that lives go these days.. but still nothing like walking up a place at 4am with nothing but a bag with extra clothes in, in case it gets cold some hot drink in a flask then watching the sun rise miles above the town you live in. its like something magical when the sun is rising
wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
The problem with acting NT is that the NTs in your life (even those who live with you) forget that your emotional and intellectual life is completely different than theirs, and they freak out when you let the act slip and they see the real you.
I think you think NT care about your syndrome...NO WE DON'T! You're smart, courageous, intelligent, beautiful, creative...The list goes on. People like you for you, not because you're playing some stupid NT role, so you say.
It shits me that you hide your bad days...Just be yourself dude. You're fucking awesome, know that. You have a problem but so do millions of others in life. I don't think you should change to a NT just because there are more of us... BE YOURSELF.
look at her lips----then all aspies should look in the mirror .....the vast majority of us aspies will have very similar lips -----ie a thin cupid bow upper lip and a full lower lip.... it is one of our lesser known traits.....just fyi for every one to ponder... ;)
(the term is morphological facial traits of aspergers/autistics.) so u can pick an aspie out a mile away by looking at their lips as well as our unusual eyes/stare.
haha You don't have to play a role, the secret is that you must impose your emotions. Try to dare it, and if people aren't happy with your strange feelings, just shout and become crazy. You have to lead others to your tiny and dirty internal room, never try to come to them. TRY IT! Protect yourself, don't be a comedian, you have to DAAAARE, and don't be sad like this, it hurts me. Okay I m another youtube comment, but just dare what you always feared : get out of yourself!! YEEEEEES you can!
In the video, between 05:35 - 05:40 you look down and tear something off of something. The object is a small white circle. My question is, what is the small white circle?
so how are you as yourself, as an aspie ? when you're not pretending to be neurotypical. what goes through your mind ? how do you act ? what is your "normal" ?
@zarehara Well the thing is for me at least the act is being dull, expressing already learned expressions not exactly what we feel but what is most "normal" for that moment. That's is my entire act when I'm with friends always thinking on what I'm going to say, never just saying something random everything is evaluated and said with precaution the same goes with my act.
@zarehara But what you really want to know is how we consider our "normal" yet whenever I think of it I just come up with an empty shell, I think the only time i can really feel the "normal" is when I do what I love or express it to someone I can trust and doesn't judge me for what I am. I really have no freaking clue how I am out in public when I'm "normal" its just no place for it.
@Melchersson I honestly don't try to adapt that much, I'm more considering what to say a lot to prevent saying something rude or un-funny, since something funny in my head usually ends up in coming out a disaster, however if I meet new people I usually put my character on for a moment to try to understand how they work befor I relax down a bit. Bit safe play, however Im still actually thinking of this. Befor I answered the comment below I hadn't really though that much about it.
Part VI- "We Feel"- Yes, to such an intensity that we become stunned, sometimes appearing lifeless (i.e., perception of flat affect.) With me, high anxiety is a constant; relaxation and privacy becomes a necessity. Emotions brim over with such fluidity that it shorts out the circuitry when one laughs, but cannot sense the ecstasy, and when one cries, but does't wash away the pain. -- thank you for your patience, reader.
Part IV continued- You are a good person for 3 reasons: 1- You know how difficult it is to do good and you practice it; 2- because we can't do good all the time, sometimes doing good isn' good enough, so we learn to do better; and 3- because you learn to do better, you have not surrendered that desire to be and do good. All of us search for our better and greater Selves. The to-do lists and priorities differ.
Part IV- 'You don't know what it's like'- Yes, we do. Many of your readers are Aspie also. We live it, just as you do. We remember and hurt as you do. Emotionally burned memories play like a runaway movie projector, and at times we feel helpless to stop it. You're not alone; someone out there is hurting with you.
Part III- NT acceptance and difficult to own AS as a fact- We work hard to earn our acceptance, and we often become the last one to accept ourselves. Being matter-of-fact makes me an awareness tool, and I don't have to look over my shoulders. As a culture difference, I had to learn how to speak 'NT' and find those who can interpret Aspie language. I sense a lot of pain in you: memories you don't want, memories emotionally burned in for a lifetime. Still, you're a good person- I'll explain--
Part II- Fall flat on one's face- I keep reminding myself that no one sees my internal script of responses and to keep interactions short. It seems I'm regularly on my guard to protect myself from the likes of me. Although my intent is to give my brain some quality time to be itself, the isolation and depression can be addicting. It can be destructive to be alone with one's pain. For me, it's the anticipatory anxiety that drains my battery and I completely shut down.
I have many comments for this video that needs more than 500 characters. So, I'll address them (linearly) one at a time Part I- NT Actor- Good for you. Every person needs acceptance, and, as an Aspie, I tend to help others feel comfortable through scripted, 'appropriate' behaviors. Of course, this is an exhausting ordeal. As though each person interacted with has their own rules of engagement, and being 'found out' mixes the info until it's useless to go on with the show.
who are you? i didn't think there was anyone who acted and had the same views i do i thought i was a one of a kind aspie who hid his true self from everyone out of fear of being an outcast you basically made a 10 min video of my life
Thanks for that video, its very brave of you to make it. If NTs understood how the world receives Aspies when they act totally naturally then they would get why learning to imitate NT behaviour is such a crucial survival skill. I am kind of amazed at your 'authenticity' though; I think I come across as relatively 'normal' in most interactions but I could never be like you are on video.
I am a “HSP”, and (many) people mistake “HSP” for autism, as Dr. Elaine Aron says that they do. I had that happening to me with a psychologist (who clearly did not know HSP).
HSP’s are extremely empathic (so much that it hurts), and they are probably the first persons that can (somewhat) imagine what an Aspie goes through.
Fellow Aspie here. You have an awesome collection of videos, and more often than not you're also speaking my story. When it comes to days where I'm more Aspie than NT (for lack of a better thing to call it), I go about my business anyway and get a few extra odd looks from some, but those who know me know it's just part of who I am (even if they don't know I'm an Aspie). Also, thank you ending all your videos with "Have a nice day" and waving. I do that routinely too.
just be yourself, fuck anyone who doesnt accept you for who you are. ive met people who had asperger syndrome and it didnt matter to me that they had it, i looked deeper into who they were and liked them for their personalities.
I feel like you are speaking for me and I don't think I would have the courage to do what you did in this video! I just discovered your videos recently and am enjoying/relating to each one. Thank you so much, I don't feel quite so alone anymore.
Who ever said people with Asperger's don't have emotions? On top of it, I'm bipolar and smoke pot all day to keep from going into a deep depression, or a rage over the stupidest thing.
Wow....One of the best real life moments I've ever observed on video!!! You're truly helping mankind with your videos. Please continue putting out these amazing videos!!! Everyone out there...please share this video with all your friends!!! It's truly eye-opening stuff!!! Heart-wrenching moments yes...but valuable indeed!!! Young lady...again...you're one brave soul!!! Adonai...Baagit8!!!
Young sister....you're what's known as an Indigo or Crystal Child. You're an extremely brave spirit. This 3D realm is extremely difficult on you loving souls. I hope you'll investigate this truth for yourself. There's great love here for you beautiful young sister!!! Adonai...Baagit8!!!
We do have emotions and use emotions, the problem is we dont understand emotions of other people. An we do act like NTs and sadly because of this people sometime misteak us for having multiple personailies lol
Cont - Pps he has AS. sorry for typing so much, should have sent a msg instead. I hope you dont mind if i share this. cos your words, its like me talking through someone else (hope you dont mind me saying). can i also ask if like me you often communicate how you really feel through the likes of music? and do you ever go down the road of depression? i think all this needs said to those idiot therapists in britain who missdiagnose over 100 women ever year, because they "seem normal" arseholes!
P.s Although we are both proberably different as individuals, as live different lives, we've both known our whole lives what people were just to ignorant to see. Its so hard for women as alot of us often have the same tale. Its why i strive to be an actress. Its not sympathy as such, but your vid is one of the true ones that actually spoke to me. one of the ones that made better sense. the best Aspie experts, are those who have it Dr Tony Attwood, he knows how it differs in women from men etc
(cont) the dark weeks, i'm with you totally on that. there are days like yourself infact if i dont have to go out, i wont. my husband went on tour for a month, i didnt leave the house!... you are definately an aspie to me, you and i have the same struggle every day. we are normal, just wired differently, for what is normal? i was only tested for 2 30min sessions, they looked for "classic autism" instead of aspergers. We know oursleves better than anyone else could ever.
with you every step sister!!! why i am an actress!! its good to see my words in someone elses words, i still struggle to be diagnosed, as A i can communicate , make connection i seem "normal" ... but like you i act. no-one knows us but ourselves. I want to thank you for sharing how you feel, it can be different in women than men and is also why missed because we can immitate well. I know about "one of those days" like you i wouldnt show people those days, my husband sees tho the shutdown day.
..A relief to finally know but overwelming at this age though during the evaluation I was told I've made a lot of adaptations on my own just from feeling I was different from everyone and being aware I wasn't acting normal so I'd try my hardest fit in as normal as I could which really hasn't worked that much. I have a long road ahead of me to ever come off neurotypical and starting so late it's hard to stay hopeful even though I want to be. At Least my whole life makes sense now. Thanx again!
writing limit opps! to add to my previous comment that got left out and I dont remember all of it is AS had been suggested but overlooked my whole life from being diagnosed with so many other comorbid pychological disorders and learning disabilities at a young age mostly because the Dr.s and people from the generation b4 mine had so little known about AS and its comorbidities.So lucky for me I'm almost 30 and have missed out on over 2 decades of "acting lessons", scares da shit outta me more..
Thank you so much for these videos they all help me with my new found identity as well as get me emotional n even cry which I know is a problem for AS being looked over or unbelieved from my experience too. I just recently got a Dx of AS at age 27 (will be 28 in 2 months) after feeling like an alien my whole life and like there was something wrong with me that I couldn't comprehend and i even thought my family was hiding from me from as far back as I can remember in preschool. It had been su
I absolutely 100% agree with everything you said in this video. I got diagnosed late in life so for years had to act like everyone else around me just to get through life. Yes, sometimes it's impossible to maintain the act and we have to withdraw from the world. Of course, because of that, the world doesn't see what we go through on those days. I wish I had your courage to make videos like this, but I could never do it. If you can get just 1 NT to understand, then it's worth the hardship
It sounds very difficult to uphold the impression of neuro-typical normalcy. What are your perceived benefits of maintaining the facade? Is it worth it? Why?
"Parroting" is not the right word to use. Since I perseverate on language/words/dialect/cultures, I actually take on the jargon of a group...even the accents. It's strange but I am not sure if it is just AS, or if it might be one of the psychological "side dishes" I have yet to realize.
I don't really know who I am because I play the NT game to get on about my everyday. And I have the parroting issue pretty bad because I tried to blend into so many different groups and I am like a chameleon now. :(
You shouldn't have to act normal. There's nothing wrong with who you are. I'm sure you must have had to deal with a lot of terrible people over the years.
I have Aspergers Syndrome as well (diagnosed by my PhD at school), I also get intense impulses to retreat into my room. It is really hard for me to socialize with other people let alone having a girlfriend, which makes me sad at times + I gave up. Forget about that but picking up a cell phone, I really try to ignore it. I also noticed the more I socialize the more I have to isolate myself.
Please if you can stand it, keep this video up. You're ME, somehow copy-pasted into another body. That's including the frustration that you put on display here. This was a real eye-opener. Thank you so much for making it, it can't imagine how difficult this video must have been.
dude u need to calm down its not all that bad i mean i took a test and i didnt even take it seriously but they still diagnosed me and idc its not that big of a deal i go out and i dnt have to "ACT" normal i just do normal i mean sometimes i do something stupid but it might be the ADHD that comes along wit this so called disease but u need to pull urself together u said u didnt want sympathy so im not givin it mabey u just need to relax cause thats a bunch of bs having aspergers isnt that bad
This actually sums up my daily routine, I'm 16 and I've already almost perfected my act, I wake up and put on my masks of comedy and tragedy. Thank you for defining a whole life in a nutshell. I have a large group of friends and act almost normally, it's nice to hear from an aspie who's not obsessed with car's and is good looking ;) and has also proven that aspies can function in decent if not interesting and creative society.
I mean, doesn't automatically tend to *display* emotion physically (I missed the word display). BTW, regarding those people that'd say you're not aspie.I don't respect the opinion of people that'd dispute what I know to be true,it doesn't bother me too much, it causes some disdain from me to them when they do that,but I am not with them for their opinion on that, and so I keep it to what i'm with them for, be in advice within their area of expertise, or some activity that i'm joining them in.
Have you looked up INTP? I think we are perhaps INTP Aspies.. or something some kind of Aspie that -does- understand facial expressions, and -can- act an emotion,but doesn't automatically tend to emotion physically, and would have to do it consciously.That's how I see it and i'm thinking you're perhaps like that,my experience relates to you a lot.
Don't worry about people that think you're not an aspie, they mean well , i've got a friend that'd say so. I don't normally discuss it with people.Maybe I shouldn't be giving you advice, because you're better than me,you understand my situation pretty well, and you've got a deeper grasp of things than I do.I've tended to just not care about being an aspie and not act, but it has been disasterous because a better way to communicate with normal people can be/is to adapt.Thank you for this video
i thought i was a psycho for a bit when i looked my disorder up online and it said lacks empathy and looked up psycho and said same thing so i started to try and act creepy serail killerish.
all ruined when marley died on that movie and i cried.
Well, first of all, what the fook IS "normal"? And who decides what it is? Secondly, Aspergers is exhausting, because every day is a challenge, in a world that seems so strange at times. Everything is tuned up to high in the Sensory Department, noises, taste, vision, confusion, hurt, pain, happiness, smell...To be 'acting' 24/7 wears the Spirit out. Many folkswith Aspergers are kind, soft, seeply sensitive, gentle people..who simply want to live their lives quietly. It's OK to be YOU. xx
thank you for making this video. i know it wasn't easy. the one this that i find hardest to explain to people is what you have expressed here. you are completely right about how people see people like us and it's hard to talk about it without them thinking that i feel sorry for myself. i have the most respect for you and i am glad to see that you have to courage to do this.
Funny thing is that growing up I would dream I was "socially normal" and visualize great conversations. Wouldn't dream that I was the most popular but just having simple conversations. Afterwards I would wonder why I couldn't do that awake.
Never diagnosed but everything is clicking. What threw me off for a bit is that it seemed that Aspies were not receptive to emotion. I am extremely emotional, inside. Extremely emotionally stable which didn't seemed to fit with Asperger's. And extremely intimate, inside. It just doesn't seem to come outside.
interesting how NTs look to the expanding prefrontal cortex as a measure of evolutionary changes , but when they see that us ASD folks have 50-70 % more neurons in our prefrontal cortex than they do , they say it must be abnormal , even when our traits describe a more evolved entity than an NT. my heart goes out to the NTs who ache to have a prefrontal cortex like ours. aspie stress arises from NT judgements. On entering med school, i felt i came home as we were ALL aspies,,,so sweet/gentle :)
If I forget to take my meds, I will get depressed. If I do take them, I will get in a good enough mood to function but I still fake it. I laugh at jokes when I understand them from a logical standpoint. I had to learn sarcasm and irony like it was math or english. It's hard to make everyone in the room laugh at your jokes but know when you stop everyone will go back to hating you like usual. It brings great relief to know there are other people out there like me.
I feel good knowing that there are other people like me in the world. I can tell that people know i'm different from them. When I start talking, either people will hold back tears, get angry at me or laugh at me and walk away. Sometimes I say have a good day to people at work and they say yeah right or turn away and say nothing at all. People seem to think that I am hiding something when I am just standing there. Sometimes I don't have any thoughts in the middle of the day. More...
From the mom of an Aspie teenage girl...thanks for the video. It took me almost 15 years to get her diagnosed. It is hard. I understand. Oh, and you are not that great of an actress...or you let your gaurd down in this video. I totally see the aspie in you. I hope my daughter learns to fake it as well as you do. I hope she will be able to function in society. Good luck.
I actually assumed you worked hard to imitate "normal" people, because I've had experience with Aspies. The truth is that you are really good at acting neuro-typical, but it still shows and people who are close with aspies probably see it pretty clearly in your videos. That said, I don't like the fuck you part of the video. You worked hard to blur the line, I don't think you should get upset because the line is blurred. I really enjoy your videos, though. You're lovely, stay strong - okay?
@deathofsmokey Thanks. I actually completely agree. I don't like this video myself, to be honest. I was very emotional, sad and angry at the same time when I made this.. and a part of me would like to take it down, but many people have requested that it stays up, so for now, I'm keeping it.
I think you should just measure the part of you that wants it down against the part of you that wants it up. I think it should stay up, but since this is a deeply personal subject for you, you really shouldn't care what I think or what all those other people think. I'm sure I didn't have to say that, but sometimes you just feel compelled to say things, and so you do.
I really do hope this is not a ''fake''... you want to study in psychology and ''help'' aspies, wherever they are on the spectrum.... because you say you are one.... Once again, I really really hope this is not a fake just to get a ''career'' and... a ''NAME''.... TheAnMish Atwood...;-) .... I really do hope not........... Aspies DO HAVE emotions......... They are more clever than some people might think they are.......... If they start doubting, it's over!
there's a lot of aspergic people in this comment sexun...so i guess i should speak like this so they can all understand ?? ERR HURRRRRR. . .. ERR AH DURRR HURR DURRR DERP. DERP DERP? MEUGH.
@silverlight00 There is so much I could say to you on with regard to what you've just said, but it wouldn't all fit into this box, so I'm just going to give you the short explanation.
1) I am an officially diagnosed high-functioning autistic male.
2) I have an extensive background in (among others) the medical/paramedical/psychology fields.
3) Evertyhing you wrote in this comment is absolute hogwash. You don't have the singlest clue as to what ASD is.
@TheAnMish Actually, it's not really about the brain chemistry - that's only a secondary mechanism. The primary difference is that an autistic brain has literally an order of magnitude of the neurons of a neurotypical brain, and those neurons then form different connections (associations). Or in geek speak, a neurotypical brain is a PC, but _we_ are mainframes/supercomputers. ;-)
@AragornCF There are several differences, of course. One is that the amygdala is bigger in autistic brains. Also, it's not connected quite as much as it "should be" to the frontal lobes.
At least, that's what I've understood.
But yes, I know that autistic brains and neurotypical brains are very different. I'm just going by the definition I heard, of the word neurotypical :)
@littleflowwer Elsewhere in this thread I have made a reference to the Vulcan species on Star Trek, but this is actually quite a fitting comparison. We DO have emotions, and they are often far more intense than for neurotypicals, but we can't always SHOW our emotions, and because they are so intense, they frighten us. The intense emotions of the Vulcans once brought violent wars to their world, so they suppress their emotions through meditation.
Being one myself, I know the pain I feel inside, and how it destroys me on thoughs days and weeks. No one will ever know, not even friends, family, or even our lovers. Thanks for saying what I'm too afraid to say. Sincerely, from a guy you will, likely, never meet, know, or perhaps (lol) even like.
First of all I would like to congratulate you on your courage. Being an Aspie myself, I am fully aware of how difficult it must have been to say all this in front of a camera, and one can see that. When I saw it, and when those tears started coming, I wished I could just wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug.
Secondly, I can fully relate to your explanation of the acting. Those of us with a high IQ are generally very good at that, but like you say, there are times when we can't. And now that I too have been officially diagnosed - and I'm MUCH older than you - I have stopped the pretending on most part. I even "out" myself as an Aspie whenever I think someone is going to react strangely to something I do or say. I still do act, but I don't try to seem "perfectly normal" anymore
And that brings me to my next point. Autism is not a disease, and I wouldn't even call it a condition anymore. It's a neurological difference, that's all. All through the course of history, it has been autistic people who have brought about the greatest changes, or the greatest scientific developments. Think of Tesla, Einstein, Newton, Mozart. It is my belief that HFA/Asperger's is just like ethnicity. It's a difference, not "abnormality". We may even be the next step in human evolution.
OUPS!... I just noticed that you probably had it (the ''communion bread'' ) in your hand from the beginnig of the video.... Sorry, i missed a ''detail''
I was making a mini KAT-kit at the time, and when I get uncomfortable, I just grab whatever is close because it comforts me to have something in my hands. I think it's the sensation of something pressing against my fingertips that allows me to distract myself from the emotion a little bit. Makes it easier :)
@TheAnMish :-D !! LOL!!! Silly me! Sorry for the mistake! I guess I'm overdue for an eye exam!!! ;-) Especially as I'm doing something similar, and for the same reasons : I ''scratch'' (I don't know how to explain it, especially as I keep my nails very very short...) my thumbs (one at a time, but mostly, the right one) very hard with my forefinger or my middle finger , trying to be discret.... but it makes a sound when I do that, so if it's very quiet around, people notice it... lol!
Why do you take and hold very tight an ''Oblat'' or communion bread or ''Hostie'' as it is said in my mother tongue (french), just after you said ''I can't face the world when I'm an Aspie'' and you don't let go of the ''Hostie'' or ''Oblat'' or ''communion bread'' , never , even when the youtube video is over ... You still have it between your fingers.... It's not a pill, it's an ''Oblat''... Thank you for reading me, and perhaps answering me.. TheAMish.....oups.....I mean TheANMish.....
Look, before you respond, you really have no reason to get defensive. If you believe you are an Aspie, based on the diagnoses you have received that's fine.
However, if the claims of your abilities are true, then I would say you are like me, and I self diagnose as a "Pretender". There was a TV show by that title and the characters in it are the closest I've seen to what I do, and by your claims, what you do.
If your friend would diagnose those characters as Aspie's then fine, you are one.
@Theobrothers Sorry to step in, but please allow ME then cast a diagnosis - on the younglady who made this video, not on you.
This video is just over 10 minutes long, and it is very obvious to me that this younglady IS afflicted with high-functioning autism, also known as Asperger Syndrome. I'm an Aspie myself, and WITH a training in (among other things) the paramedical/psychological field. And I can FULLY relate to the younglady says in this video. Narcissism has nothing to with any of it.
@Theobrothers We are just often described by the ignorant masses as being narcissistic and/or arrogant because we do talk a lot about ourselves, but this is i-unjust. We talk about ourselves because our experiences are much more intense than for neurotypicals and so we need to vent. We are also often called arrogant simply because we state facts, without regard for protocol.
@Theobrothers If me knowing that I'm a fairly good actress, and playing a part makes me "special", or "dexterish", then everyone is. Well, okay, most people aren't aware that they're acting. Difference is I had to teach myself how.
As for my psychologist, she wouldn't have to defend my diagnosis based on a 10-minute video, because the diagnosis affects much more than what this video is about.
She'd defend my diagnosis based on 7 years of cognitive treatment and conversation.
if you're so good at acting nereotyoociopuioacal or however you spell it, then you have nothing to complain about . . . . .DO YOU ????? DO YOU ????? NO YOU DO NOT .
@Theobrothers And the reason I would agree with your conclusion (which so far as I can tell, is based on this 10 minute video of mine), over that of my psychologist through seven years or so, who is the leading expert in my country on ASD, is?
It's not that you're not entitled to your opinion, it's just that.. I generally don't think it's possible to diagnose someone correctly, on the basis of videos.
Also, people throw around terms like "narcissist" way too loosely.
Two and a half minutes actually. I have a knack for reading people. In fact I know you responded to me cause I'm not the first person to point it out and you've thought about it yourself. Aspergers, visualizing yourself as Dexterish, and your relationship with a "leading expert", make you feel special.
Nearly no one seriously throws around the term, perhaps as a joke, but as a serious belief that the person they are speaking to could be classified medically as such, ya..no.
@Theobrothers Others have made comments of how they don't see the difference between the two diagnoses, which is a matter of ignorance. Yet others throw it my way due to that I "always talk about myself", without considering for a moment what I do here.
1. No, I don't consider myself "Dexterish".
2. No, I don't feel special. I think my psychologist is special, in the way that she knows a whole lot about this spectrum.
Sure, she's a friend of mine, but that doesn't make me anything.
If you have Aspergers syndrome can you also have Attention Deficit Disorder?.
newmusashi1 1 day ago
@newmusashi1 Yes. Many aspies also have other diagnoses, and attention disorders are common, as well as anxiety and depression.
TheAnMish 1 day ago
@TheAnMish Have you ever in the workplace or school beeen told to do something that you do not enjoy and have no interest in and find it very hard to focus on it wanting to move on to other things, and you are chastised for it?.
newmusashi1 17 hours ago
as aspie in nt world it you really need to fake normality----else NT judgement arrives quickly.
"when they take my hand, will it be to burn me , or to say amen?"
usaneanderthal 1 day ago
@TheAnMish, you seem bent on wanting to be an "Aspie" but have you considered that you may be "suffering" from a high I.Q. that you haven't learned how to fully cope with? Just an impression, based on how you speak and ponder things. Very smart people often feel psychotic because they can't stop thinking about concepts!
Average dullards (many of whom have degrees) can be put off by true higher-thinkers and realists, so they automatically want to diagnose them with something
NoEcologyNoEconomy 2 days ago
I found this by way of associated Bartlett overpopulation videos and was not expecting this much intensity!
Toward the middle of this video is probably the deepest angst I've ever seen on YouTube. Yes, you definitely feel, and you're very bright, but please hold it together! There is such a thing as too much self-involvement.
NoEcologyNoEconomy 2 days ago
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I don't feel sorry for you... I'm proud of you, you make me feel hope for the human race. =]
InfurnusChaotix 2 days ago
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InfurnusChaotix 2 days ago
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InfurnusChaotix 2 days ago
I have emotions oright the only time I don't is when I'm expected to show empathy because I feel overloaded or don't know what to do if a person is crying or upset.
TinyTracey 3 days ago
why do aspergers people poop themselves? my roomate has it and hes been pooping all over himself recently...
yarfness69 4 days ago
@yarfness69 whaaaaaaaaaat? :O yeah, i don't think that's aspergers..... :P
erewrwify 3 days ago
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ASPERGERFRIENDS COM
Asperger Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder on the higher-functioning end of the autism spectrum. An individual's symptoms can range from mild to severe.
Their IQ's are typically in the normal to very superior range. They are usually educated in the mainstream, but most require special education services.
Because of their naivete, those with AS are often viewed by their peers as "odd" and are frequently a target for bullying and teasing.
gayandpeace 4 days ago
I never saw someone being sad for being normal :P it is like you are enjoying the fact that you have this thing, and i think that is cool, means you already understood your disease and you are not like these other guys on the net saying that their lifes sucks :) you are cool, really really cool :) so don't cry, cus you should not be worried about what they say or think about you...cus you have aspie.
yeskamaniaca 5 days ago
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bluestucco 6 days ago
Thanks for uploading this video., It is good to see the invisible truth about aspergers. I work in an intership as a social worker. Colleagues often ask me to show more of the way I work. While I work right under their noses and tell them anything. It is as if they dont want to see the truth.
Colleagues tell me they totally accept me being an aspie, but they will not accept any restrictions. It is good to be accepted but I wonder if they even realise what they are saying...
Yodan82 1 week ago
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Bringing awareness to autism is an amazing thing to do. I've created this Youtube channel to promote this new independent film called White Frog. It's about a young boy who has aspergers a form of autism. Please help spread the word with me. To watch the trailer type in "White Frog movie trailer 2" on youtube. Thank you.
wfrogmovie 1 week ago
you do get them across, amazingly well.
i hope the very ignorant people that make judgements about you or other aspies watch this.
pantalks 1 week ago
This is actually one of my favourite youtube video ever. I'm an spie though, so hey, I've probably watched it about 40 times by now.
erewrwify 1 week ago
Tater wants to be one a them aspies too. Where's the sign up sheet?
TaterGumfries 1 week ago
I can abstractly empathize with this video.
I have ADHD, with some strong OCD leanings, and am also a graduate student in Developmental Psychology. The number of times other people hear that and immediately decide that because I made it through school that I am simply further evidence that ADHD is overdiagnosed and I was done a great wrong, because I obviously have no problem... well people make that assumption a lot. The reality is that people just do not see me on the bad days either.
squirrelywrath2 1 week ago
Sheldon Cooper. Thoughts?
squirrelywrath2 1 week ago
Thats a very powerful message, thankyou for sharing it
teafag 1 week ago
I feel your frustration, it seems most people-whatever ur issue and if its diagnosed or not, whether it impacts on your life somwhat or greatly, (and they are arrogant enough to think they know how much it 'should') just want to judge in ways that fulfill their egos. I hope for the day when the many with thier ignorance become the few. In the mean while, try not to energise this with your focus to the point you find it debilitating, I know I give too much power to these ****s!
CarolinaSoulStar 1 week ago
doesnt everybody act in some way.life is just a movie in wich u r the leading role.you write your own scrpit.you choose to be who you want to be .thats why different kinds of people from different places act different isnt it!?
gummynumberone 1 week ago
Im an Aspie but whaaaat do u do when not even ur fam or ur husbands understnds you ??? What do I do? .... I try to be like normal but even when I have to fake a smile it hurst so much.
WhiteMGirl 1 week ago
What i've found over my life time of having autism, is normal people don't actually respect us. i mean to them we're just things to beat up or test or even experiment on. i had to go from the age of 4 to the age of 14 getting tested on for autism and getting seen by Doctors who gave me medicine which destroyed my feelings and made me become a husk, one day a doctor found out what the medication was doing to me and took it off me telling me if i kept taking it, i'd die before i turn 15.
Gaslydeath 2 weeks ago
@Gaslydeath from the age of 15 - 18 i went to the hospital for more tests which also lead to local gangs finding out who i am and what was wrong with me which sent me to the hospital more times than anyone cared to know. i think i was 16 when the doctors had said the chances of me surviving was about 20%, 6 years later i don't trust people and tend to make sure i stay miles away from anyone due to the living hell they gave me, even tho i was diagnosed at 14 the doctors kept on at me
Gaslydeath 2 weeks ago
not anymore tho. it stopped when i was 18.. and i meant 6 years later from 16 not 18 as i'm only 22.. but meh it stopped because i know a good few people i had helped from doing odd jobs for them to pretty much risking my own life to save them. so they returned a few favours. and now i rarely come in contact with others and tend to like being miles away from any towns. i currently live in a small village type area and where i go to calm down is 14 miles away from where i live
Gaslydeath 2 weeks ago
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MrSkynetAdmin 2 weeks ago
@MrSkynetAdmin i have autism and i won't rise up to take people down. i mean due to my autism and the way my life was fucked up i've become one of the most defensive people known throughout my town, and due to the way i think and work i've ended up risking my own life to rescue others. i know i do it, but why i do it, is unknown. however it has had an effect on my life.
Gaslydeath 2 weeks ago
@Gaslydeath i am autistic as well. i am sorry you feel that way. your not alone.
MrSkynetAdmin 1 week ago
@MrSkynetAdmin its ok.. i've learnt how to be more than people are these days.. they keep saying evolution will make us better, does that mean i've evolved? as i do not require technology to get me to where i go wherever it may be, yet i have a full understanding on all technology, also it takes me between 10 mins - 2 hours to learn stuff then i'm fairly good at it. but yeah the way i've lived when i was younger made hospitals not so fun.. especially last year 5 days after my 21st Bday
Gaslydeath 1 week ago
@Gaslydeath mainly because 16 weeks of pain started then. having my jaw put back in place after what some people did to me, it wasn't a nice feeling then they said they'd have to remove most of my teeth and make the rest metal.. so now i have metal in my teeth and can't walk past magnets without it interfering with my teeth. all i can say is, i might not have a girl friend due to the way i live, but where i go would make others cry from the beauty of it. i even have pictures on my mobile..
Gaslydeath 1 week ago
@Gaslydeath oh.
MrSkynetAdmin 1 week ago
@MrSkynetAdmin just need a way to get the pictures off my mobile and into a slide show.. but knowing the way slide shows are done on here people will probably have a go at me.. sadly its the way that lives go these days.. but still nothing like walking up a place at 4am with nothing but a bag with extra clothes in, in case it gets cold some hot drink in a flask then watching the sun rise miles above the town you live in. its like something magical when the sun is rising
Gaslydeath 1 week ago
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wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
audrianacheyenne 2 weeks ago
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wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
audrianacheyenne 2 weeks ago
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wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
audrianacheyenne 2 weeks ago
wow from what i've seen from your videos, you are very inspiring. your absolutely gorgeous, courageous, and incredibly intelligent. i just wish you could show the real you. aspergers and all. i dont think anyone would disapprove, and if they do, who gives a shit. Your beautiful no matter what.
audrianacheyenne 2 weeks ago
@TheAnMish:That's a good way to say it.
INDLIS 2 weeks ago
Im like you. Does this come naturally for us? It seems like it does!
Those weeks when we cant function..... How can u kerp a job. Hun...i need ur help.
mezmaries 2 weeks ago
I feel like aspergers is ruining my life
mezmaries 2 weeks ago
I act too
mezmaries 2 weeks ago
The problem with acting NT is that the NTs in your life (even those who live with you) forget that your emotional and intellectual life is completely different than theirs, and they freak out when you let the act slip and they see the real you.
Yinepuhotep 2 weeks ago
I think you think NT care about your syndrome...NO WE DON'T! You're smart, courageous, intelligent, beautiful, creative...The list goes on. People like you for you, not because you're playing some stupid NT role, so you say.
JoelQuinnPhotography 2 weeks ago
It shits me that you hide your bad days...Just be yourself dude. You're fucking awesome, know that. You have a problem but so do millions of others in life. I don't think you should change to a NT just because there are more of us... BE YOURSELF.
JoelQuinnPhotography 2 weeks ago
look at her lips----then all aspies should look in the mirror .....the vast majority of us aspies will have very similar lips -----ie a thin cupid bow upper lip and a full lower lip.... it is one of our lesser known traits.....just fyi for every one to ponder... ;)
(the term is morphological facial traits of aspergers/autistics.) so u can pick an aspie out a mile away by looking at their lips as well as our unusual eyes/stare.
usaneanderthal 3 weeks ago
@erewrwify
purdy = pretty.
Is ere wr wify pronounced "ear wister wy fee" ?
Bloodydigger 3 weeks ago
haha You don't have to play a role, the secret is that you must impose your emotions. Try to dare it, and if people aren't happy with your strange feelings, just shout and become crazy. You have to lead others to your tiny and dirty internal room, never try to come to them. TRY IT! Protect yourself, don't be a comedian, you have to DAAAARE, and don't be sad like this, it hurts me. Okay I m another youtube comment, but just dare what you always feared : get out of yourself!! YEEEEEES you can!
cocardeux 3 weeks ago
@cocardeux yeess... thank you
Toro953 3 weeks ago
You seem to have a lot of insight into your condition :-)
erewrwify 3 weeks ago
I so so Relate to you... Thank you
AthenaAbbey 3 weeks ago
In the video, between 05:35 - 05:40 you look down and tear something off of something. The object is a small white circle. My question is, what is the small white circle?
ShaXdow5 3 weeks ago
@ShaXdow5 a velcro sticker :)
TheAnMish 3 weeks ago
She sounds a little bit like Gillian Anderson. Also she's purdy.
Bloodydigger 3 weeks ago
@Bloodydigger LOL she does! ;) what's purdy? :/
erewrwify 3 weeks ago
Very emotional video, very brave video.
TheRealGethelmanbwoy 3 weeks ago
I´m half Danish, n I am Aspie, how could I contact with that Asperger expert?
Thanks´s good day.
TheRealGethelmanbwoy 3 weeks ago
so how are you as yourself, as an aspie ? when you're not pretending to be neurotypical. what goes through your mind ? how do you act ? what is your "normal" ?
zarehara 3 weeks ago
@zarehara Well the thing is for me at least the act is being dull, expressing already learned expressions not exactly what we feel but what is most "normal" for that moment. That's is my entire act when I'm with friends always thinking on what I'm going to say, never just saying something random everything is evaluated and said with precaution the same goes with my act.
MrToobie 3 weeks ago
@zarehara But what you really want to know is how we consider our "normal" yet whenever I think of it I just come up with an empty shell, I think the only time i can really feel the "normal" is when I do what I love or express it to someone I can trust and doesn't judge me for what I am. I really have no freaking clue how I am out in public when I'm "normal" its just no place for it.
MrToobie 3 weeks ago
@MrToobie Are not normal people boring In my mind the people who is a bit different and dont try to adapt is the most interesting to get to know!
Melchersson 3 weeks ago
@Melchersson I honestly don't try to adapt that much, I'm more considering what to say a lot to prevent saying something rude or un-funny, since something funny in my head usually ends up in coming out a disaster, however if I meet new people I usually put my character on for a moment to try to understand how they work befor I relax down a bit. Bit safe play, however Im still actually thinking of this. Befor I answered the comment below I hadn't really though that much about it.
MrToobie 3 weeks ago
Part VI- "We Feel"- Yes, to such an intensity that we become stunned, sometimes appearing lifeless (i.e., perception of flat affect.) With me, high anxiety is a constant; relaxation and privacy becomes a necessity. Emotions brim over with such fluidity that it shorts out the circuitry when one laughs, but cannot sense the ecstasy, and when one cries, but does't wash away the pain. -- thank you for your patience, reader.
MaestroMediaGroup 3 weeks ago
Part V- "Life Is A Stage"- 'All the world is a stage,' but the play is badly cast.
MaestroMediaGroup 3 weeks ago
Part IV continued- You are a good person for 3 reasons: 1- You know how difficult it is to do good and you practice it; 2- because we can't do good all the time, sometimes doing good isn' good enough, so we learn to do better; and 3- because you learn to do better, you have not surrendered that desire to be and do good. All of us search for our better and greater Selves. The to-do lists and priorities differ.
MaestroMediaGroup 3 weeks ago
Part IV- 'You don't know what it's like'- Yes, we do. Many of your readers are Aspie also. We live it, just as you do. We remember and hurt as you do. Emotionally burned memories play like a runaway movie projector, and at times we feel helpless to stop it. You're not alone; someone out there is hurting with you.
MaestroMediaGroup 4 weeks ago
Part III- NT acceptance and difficult to own AS as a fact- We work hard to earn our acceptance, and we often become the last one to accept ourselves. Being matter-of-fact makes me an awareness tool, and I don't have to look over my shoulders. As a culture difference, I had to learn how to speak 'NT' and find those who can interpret Aspie language. I sense a lot of pain in you: memories you don't want, memories emotionally burned in for a lifetime. Still, you're a good person- I'll explain--
MaestroMediaGroup 4 weeks ago
Part II- Fall flat on one's face- I keep reminding myself that no one sees my internal script of responses and to keep interactions short. It seems I'm regularly on my guard to protect myself from the likes of me. Although my intent is to give my brain some quality time to be itself, the isolation and depression can be addicting. It can be destructive to be alone with one's pain. For me, it's the anticipatory anxiety that drains my battery and I completely shut down.
MaestroMediaGroup 4 weeks ago
I have many comments for this video that needs more than 500 characters. So, I'll address them (linearly) one at a time Part I- NT Actor- Good for you. Every person needs acceptance, and, as an Aspie, I tend to help others feel comfortable through scripted, 'appropriate' behaviors. Of course, this is an exhausting ordeal. As though each person interacted with has their own rules of engagement, and being 'found out' mixes the info until it's useless to go on with the show.
MaestroMediaGroup 4 weeks ago
who are you? i didn't think there was anyone who acted and had the same views i do i thought i was a one of a kind aspie who hid his true self from everyone out of fear of being an outcast you basically made a 10 min video of my life
sin234543 4 weeks ago
I have so much respect for you! you're a very brave girl! and ur video helped me alot! :) Greetings from Holland!
NBK0014 4 weeks ago
Thanks for that video, its very brave of you to make it. If NTs understood how the world receives Aspies when they act totally naturally then they would get why learning to imitate NT behaviour is such a crucial survival skill. I am kind of amazed at your 'authenticity' though; I think I come across as relatively 'normal' in most interactions but I could never be like you are on video.
n31348 1 month ago
I am a “HSP”, and (many) people mistake “HSP” for autism, as Dr. Elaine Aron says that they do. I had that happening to me with a psychologist (who clearly did not know HSP).
HSP’s are extremely empathic (so much that it hurts), and they are probably the first persons that can (somewhat) imagine what an Aspie goes through.
TheAnMish, you are a very courageous woman...
eivissano 1 month ago
you are brave inspiring & beautiful. thank you for your courage
perramaldito 1 month ago
Fellow Aspie here. You have an awesome collection of videos, and more often than not you're also speaking my story. When it comes to days where I'm more Aspie than NT (for lack of a better thing to call it), I go about my business anyway and get a few extra odd looks from some, but those who know me know it's just part of who I am (even if they don't know I'm an Aspie). Also, thank you ending all your videos with "Have a nice day" and waving. I do that routinely too.
MortiusLoop 1 month ago
just be yourself, fuck anyone who doesnt accept you for who you are. ive met people who had asperger syndrome and it didnt matter to me that they had it, i looked deeper into who they were and liked them for their personalities.
TheBombShhh 1 month ago
I feel like you are speaking for me and I don't think I would have the courage to do what you did in this video! I just discovered your videos recently and am enjoying/relating to each one. Thank you so much, I don't feel quite so alone anymore.
JACKIEKLIS 1 month ago
Who ever said people with Asperger's don't have emotions? On top of it, I'm bipolar and smoke pot all day to keep from going into a deep depression, or a rage over the stupidest thing.
resincoatedlungs 1 month ago
Wow....One of the best real life moments I've ever observed on video!!! You're truly helping mankind with your videos. Please continue putting out these amazing videos!!! Everyone out there...please share this video with all your friends!!! It's truly eye-opening stuff!!! Heart-wrenching moments yes...but valuable indeed!!! Young lady...again...you're one brave soul!!! Adonai...Baagit8!!!
baagit8 1 month ago
Young sister....you're what's known as an Indigo or Crystal Child. You're an extremely brave spirit. This 3D realm is extremely difficult on you loving souls. I hope you'll investigate this truth for yourself. There's great love here for you beautiful young sister!!! Adonai...Baagit8!!!
baagit8 1 month ago
your video moved me. thank you.
msirkin 1 month ago
We do have emotions and use emotions, the problem is we dont understand emotions of other people. An we do act like NTs and sadly because of this people sometime misteak us for having multiple personailies lol
jaymeeface 1 month ago
Cont - Pps he has AS. sorry for typing so much, should have sent a msg instead. I hope you dont mind if i share this. cos your words, its like me talking through someone else (hope you dont mind me saying). can i also ask if like me you often communicate how you really feel through the likes of music? and do you ever go down the road of depression? i think all this needs said to those idiot therapists in britain who missdiagnose over 100 women ever year, because they "seem normal" arseholes!
AliaETorrie 1 month ago
P.s Although we are both proberably different as individuals, as live different lives, we've both known our whole lives what people were just to ignorant to see. Its so hard for women as alot of us often have the same tale. Its why i strive to be an actress. Its not sympathy as such, but your vid is one of the true ones that actually spoke to me. one of the ones that made better sense. the best Aspie experts, are those who have it Dr Tony Attwood, he knows how it differs in women from men etc
AliaETorrie 1 month ago
(cont) the dark weeks, i'm with you totally on that. there are days like yourself infact if i dont have to go out, i wont. my husband went on tour for a month, i didnt leave the house!... you are definately an aspie to me, you and i have the same struggle every day. we are normal, just wired differently, for what is normal? i was only tested for 2 30min sessions, they looked for "classic autism" instead of aspergers. We know oursleves better than anyone else could ever.
AliaETorrie 1 month ago
with you every step sister!!! why i am an actress!! its good to see my words in someone elses words, i still struggle to be diagnosed, as A i can communicate , make connection i seem "normal" ... but like you i act. no-one knows us but ourselves. I want to thank you for sharing how you feel, it can be different in women than men and is also why missed because we can immitate well. I know about "one of those days" like you i wouldnt show people those days, my husband sees tho the shutdown day.
AliaETorrie 1 month ago
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..A relief to finally know but overwelming at this age though during the evaluation I was told I've made a lot of adaptations on my own just from feeling I was different from everyone and being aware I wasn't acting normal so I'd try my hardest fit in as normal as I could which really hasn't worked that much. I have a long road ahead of me to ever come off neurotypical and starting so late it's hard to stay hopeful even though I want to be. At Least my whole life makes sense now. Thanx again!
rachelfeldman84 1 month ago
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rachelfeldman84 1 month ago
writing limit opps! to add to my previous comment that got left out and I dont remember all of it is AS had been suggested but overlooked my whole life from being diagnosed with so many other comorbid pychological disorders and learning disabilities at a young age mostly because the Dr.s and people from the generation b4 mine had so little known about AS and its comorbidities.So lucky for me I'm almost 30 and have missed out on over 2 decades of "acting lessons", scares da shit outta me more..
rachelfeldman84 1 month ago
Thank you so much for these videos they all help me with my new found identity as well as get me emotional n even cry which I know is a problem for AS being looked over or unbelieved from my experience too. I just recently got a Dx of AS at age 27 (will be 28 in 2 months) after feeling like an alien my whole life and like there was something wrong with me that I couldn't comprehend and i even thought my family was hiding from me from as far back as I can remember in preschool. It had been su
rachelfeldman84 1 month ago
I absolutely 100% agree with everything you said in this video. I got diagnosed late in life so for years had to act like everyone else around me just to get through life. Yes, sometimes it's impossible to maintain the act and we have to withdraw from the world. Of course, because of that, the world doesn't see what we go through on those days. I wish I had your courage to make videos like this, but I could never do it. If you can get just 1 NT to understand, then it's worth the hardship
TheNuclearonion 1 month ago
why imitate. Be yourself, as long as it gets you places. Only play by there rules if they are in controle.
2583060 1 month ago
I only have 2 emotions, happiness, and anger.
2583060 1 month ago
@2583060, you are very lucky, then.
eivissano 1 month ago
Thank you. Your words are the words I didn't know how to say.
Gilleiand 1 month ago
you look like jenifer garner
TheFallingAutumn 1 month ago
It sounds very difficult to uphold the impression of neuro-typical normalcy. What are your perceived benefits of maintaining the facade? Is it worth it? Why?
rotatingorb 1 month ago
I agree, life is hard for me.
MarcusHarris93 1 month ago
"Parroting" is not the right word to use. Since I perseverate on language/words/dialect/cultures, I actually take on the jargon of a group...even the accents. It's strange but I am not sure if it is just AS, or if it might be one of the psychological "side dishes" I have yet to realize.
fightfiles 1 month ago
I'm with bluntedboywonder on that one.
I don't really know who I am because I play the NT game to get on about my everyday. And I have the parroting issue pretty bad because I tried to blend into so many different groups and I am like a chameleon now. :(
fightfiles 1 month ago
what a convincing video.
Mohrkai 1 month ago
You shouldn't have to act normal. There's nothing wrong with who you are. I'm sure you must have had to deal with a lot of terrible people over the years.
bookcreator 1 month ago
@bookcreator:So have I
INDLIS 2 weeks ago
I also noticed the more I socialize the more I have to isolate myself and sleep.
Hawkx101 1 month ago
@Hawkx101:I feel the same way too
INDLIS 2 weeks ago
I have Aspergers Syndrome as well (diagnosed by my PhD at school), I also get intense impulses to retreat into my room. It is really hard for me to socialize with other people let alone having a girlfriend, which makes me sad at times + I gave up. Forget about that but picking up a cell phone, I really try to ignore it. I also noticed the more I socialize the more I have to isolate myself.
Hawkx101 1 month ago
@Hawkx101 I get that completely.
" I also noticed the more I socialize the more I have to isolate myself."
Gilleiand 1 month ago
Please if you can stand it, keep this video up. You're ME, somehow copy-pasted into another body. That's including the frustration that you put on display here. This was a real eye-opener. Thank you so much for making it, it can't imagine how difficult this video must have been.
bluntedboywonder 1 month ago
dude u need to calm down its not all that bad i mean i took a test and i didnt even take it seriously but they still diagnosed me and idc its not that big of a deal i go out and i dnt have to "ACT" normal i just do normal i mean sometimes i do something stupid but it might be the ADHD that comes along wit this so called disease but u need to pull urself together u said u didnt want sympathy so im not givin it mabey u just need to relax cause thats a bunch of bs having aspergers isnt that bad
TheMusickid155 1 month ago
This actually sums up my daily routine, I'm 16 and I've already almost perfected my act, I wake up and put on my masks of comedy and tragedy. Thank you for defining a whole life in a nutshell. I have a large group of friends and act almost normally, it's nice to hear from an aspie who's not obsessed with car's and is good looking ;) and has also proven that aspies can function in decent if not interesting and creative society.
123ManCat 1 month ago
we do have emotions. the only question is in what kinds of situations do we show them
Aaaaalex1357 1 month ago
you're very pretty do you're think;) be yourelf
thegirlinaw26 1 month ago
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Requimind 1 month ago
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Requimind 1 month ago
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Requimind 1 month ago
There's no such thing as "normal".
Scot913319 1 month ago
Why do you care if people think you are an aspie or not? What are you trying to prove to people... Just keep doing what you are doing!
musicdocumentary 1 month ago
I mean, doesn't automatically tend to *display* emotion physically (I missed the word display). BTW, regarding those people that'd say you're not aspie.I don't respect the opinion of people that'd dispute what I know to be true,it doesn't bother me too much, it causes some disdain from me to them when they do that,but I am not with them for their opinion on that, and so I keep it to what i'm with them for, be in advice within their area of expertise, or some activity that i'm joining them in.
boliussa 1 month ago
Have you looked up INTP? I think we are perhaps INTP Aspies.. or something some kind of Aspie that -does- understand facial expressions, and -can- act an emotion,but doesn't automatically tend to emotion physically, and would have to do it consciously.That's how I see it and i'm thinking you're perhaps like that,my experience relates to you a lot.
boliussa 1 month ago
Don't worry about people that think you're not an aspie, they mean well , i've got a friend that'd say so. I don't normally discuss it with people.Maybe I shouldn't be giving you advice, because you're better than me,you understand my situation pretty well, and you've got a deeper grasp of things than I do.I've tended to just not care about being an aspie and not act, but it has been disasterous because a better way to communicate with normal people can be/is to adapt.Thank you for this video
boliussa 1 month ago
You are brilliant, fascinating, i'm also aspie. I like Spock and don't mind imitating him!
boliussa 1 month ago
i thought i was a psycho for a bit when i looked my disorder up online and it said lacks empathy and looked up psycho and said same thing so i started to try and act creepy serail killerish.
all ruined when marley died on that movie and i cried.
darkalleywalker 1 month ago
Well, first of all, what the fook IS "normal"? And who decides what it is? Secondly, Aspergers is exhausting, because every day is a challenge, in a world that seems so strange at times. Everything is tuned up to high in the Sensory Department, noises, taste, vision, confusion, hurt, pain, happiness, smell...To be 'acting' 24/7 wears the Spirit out. Many folkswith Aspergers are kind, soft, seeply sensitive, gentle people..who simply want to live their lives quietly. It's OK to be YOU. xx
LizzieCornish 1 month ago
@LizzieCornish Apologies for spelling mistakes there, I pressed 'post' too soon! :0)
LizzieCornish 1 month ago
thank you for making this video. i know it wasn't easy. the one this that i find hardest to explain to people is what you have expressed here. you are completely right about how people see people like us and it's hard to talk about it without them thinking that i feel sorry for myself. i have the most respect for you and i am glad to see that you have to courage to do this.
caster4955 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
In your search for identity never let a psychiatrist tell you who you are. It'll ruin you.
crazy10bears 1 month ago
In your search for identity never let a psychiatrist tell you who you are. It'll ruin you.
crazy10bears 1 month ago
Funny thing is that growing up I would dream I was "socially normal" and visualize great conversations. Wouldn't dream that I was the most popular but just having simple conversations. Afterwards I would wonder why I couldn't do that awake.
MayonR 2 months ago
Never diagnosed but everything is clicking. What threw me off for a bit is that it seemed that Aspies were not receptive to emotion. I am extremely emotional, inside. Extremely emotionally stable which didn't seemed to fit with Asperger's. And extremely intimate, inside. It just doesn't seem to come outside.
MayonR 2 months ago
I am not basic I am not a human being!!!
extrememushroomhead 2 months ago
I agree with you 100%.
bigedz80 2 months ago
interesting how NTs look to the expanding prefrontal cortex as a measure of evolutionary changes , but when they see that us ASD folks have 50-70 % more neurons in our prefrontal cortex than they do , they say it must be abnormal , even when our traits describe a more evolved entity than an NT. my heart goes out to the NTs who ache to have a prefrontal cortex like ours. aspie stress arises from NT judgements. On entering med school, i felt i came home as we were ALL aspies,,,so sweet/gentle :)
panda5061 2 months ago
If I forget to take my meds, I will get depressed. If I do take them, I will get in a good enough mood to function but I still fake it. I laugh at jokes when I understand them from a logical standpoint. I had to learn sarcasm and irony like it was math or english. It's hard to make everyone in the room laugh at your jokes but know when you stop everyone will go back to hating you like usual. It brings great relief to know there are other people out there like me.
ajsimpso 2 months ago
I feel good knowing that there are other people like me in the world. I can tell that people know i'm different from them. When I start talking, either people will hold back tears, get angry at me or laugh at me and walk away. Sometimes I say have a good day to people at work and they say yeah right or turn away and say nothing at all. People seem to think that I am hiding something when I am just standing there. Sometimes I don't have any thoughts in the middle of the day. More...
ajsimpso 2 months ago
From the mom of an Aspie teenage girl...thanks for the video. It took me almost 15 years to get her diagnosed. It is hard. I understand. Oh, and you are not that great of an actress...or you let your gaurd down in this video. I totally see the aspie in you. I hope my daughter learns to fake it as well as you do. I hope she will be able to function in society. Good luck.
muehleisen1 2 months ago
i feel the same thing i have to act every day
komandirvodka 2 months ago
I actually assumed you worked hard to imitate "normal" people, because I've had experience with Aspies. The truth is that you are really good at acting neuro-typical, but it still shows and people who are close with aspies probably see it pretty clearly in your videos. That said, I don't like the fuck you part of the video. You worked hard to blur the line, I don't think you should get upset because the line is blurred. I really enjoy your videos, though. You're lovely, stay strong - okay?
deathofsmokey 2 months ago
@deathofsmokey Thanks. I actually completely agree. I don't like this video myself, to be honest. I was very emotional, sad and angry at the same time when I made this.. and a part of me would like to take it down, but many people have requested that it stays up, so for now, I'm keeping it.
But yeah, I agree with you :)
TheAnMish 2 months ago
@TheAnMish
I think you should just measure the part of you that wants it down against the part of you that wants it up. I think it should stay up, but since this is a deeply personal subject for you, you really shouldn't care what I think or what all those other people think. I'm sure I didn't have to say that, but sometimes you just feel compelled to say things, and so you do.
deathofsmokey 2 months ago
... and you have a very nice voice, ... I like your singing... :-)
Hekyvoq 2 months ago
I really do hope this is not a ''fake''... you want to study in psychology and ''help'' aspies, wherever they are on the spectrum.... because you say you are one.... Once again, I really really hope this is not a fake just to get a ''career'' and... a ''NAME''.... TheAnMish Atwood...;-) .... I really do hope not........... Aspies DO HAVE emotions......... They are more clever than some people might think they are.......... If they start doubting, it's over!
Hekyvoq 2 months ago
there's a lot of aspergic people in this comment sexun...so i guess i should speak like this so they can all understand ?? ERR HURRRRRR. . .. ERR AH DURRR HURR DURRR DERP. DERP DERP? MEUGH.
NormbrettaMod 2 months ago
@silverlight00 There is so much I could say to you on with regard to what you've just said, but it wouldn't all fit into this box, so I'm just going to give you the short explanation.
1) I am an officially diagnosed high-functioning autistic male.
2) I have an extensive background in (among others) the medical/paramedical/psychology fields.
3) Evertyhing you wrote in this comment is absolute hogwash. You don't have the singlest clue as to what ASD is.
AragornCF 2 months ago
@TheAnMish Actually, it's not really about the brain chemistry - that's only a secondary mechanism. The primary difference is that an autistic brain has literally an order of magnitude of the neurons of a neurotypical brain, and those neurons then form different connections (associations). Or in geek speak, a neurotypical brain is a PC, but _we_ are mainframes/supercomputers. ;-)
AragornCF 2 months ago
@AragornCF There are several differences, of course. One is that the amygdala is bigger in autistic brains. Also, it's not connected quite as much as it "should be" to the frontal lobes.
At least, that's what I've understood.
But yes, I know that autistic brains and neurotypical brains are very different. I'm just going by the definition I heard, of the word neurotypical :)
TheAnMish 2 months ago
@littleflowwer Elsewhere in this thread I have made a reference to the Vulcan species on Star Trek, but this is actually quite a fitting comparison. We DO have emotions, and they are often far more intense than for neurotypicals, but we can't always SHOW our emotions, and because they are so intense, they frighten us. The intense emotions of the Vulcans once brought violent wars to their world, so they suppress their emotions through meditation.
In essence, that's what we do too.
AragornCF 2 months ago
Being one myself, I know the pain I feel inside, and how it destroys me on thoughs days and weeks. No one will ever know, not even friends, family, or even our lovers. Thanks for saying what I'm too afraid to say. Sincerely, from a guy you will, likely, never meet, know, or perhaps (lol) even like.
mridlon 2 months ago
First of all I would like to congratulate you on your courage. Being an Aspie myself, I am fully aware of how difficult it must have been to say all this in front of a camera, and one can see that. When I saw it, and when those tears started coming, I wished I could just wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug.
AragornCF 2 months ago
Secondly, I can fully relate to your explanation of the acting. Those of us with a high IQ are generally very good at that, but like you say, there are times when we can't. And now that I too have been officially diagnosed - and I'm MUCH older than you - I have stopped the pretending on most part. I even "out" myself as an Aspie whenever I think someone is going to react strangely to something I do or say. I still do act, but I don't try to seem "perfectly normal" anymore
AragornCF 2 months ago
And that brings me to my next point. Autism is not a disease, and I wouldn't even call it a condition anymore. It's a neurological difference, that's all. All through the course of history, it has been autistic people who have brought about the greatest changes, or the greatest scientific developments. Think of Tesla, Einstein, Newton, Mozart. It is my belief that HFA/Asperger's is just like ethnicity. It's a difference, not "abnormality". We may even be the next step in human evolution.
AragornCF 2 months ago
OUPS!... I just noticed that you probably had it (the ''communion bread'' ) in your hand from the beginnig of the video.... Sorry, i missed a ''detail''
Hekyvoq 2 months ago
@Hekyvoq It's actually a round velcro sticker. :D
I was making a mini KAT-kit at the time, and when I get uncomfortable, I just grab whatever is close because it comforts me to have something in my hands. I think it's the sensation of something pressing against my fingertips that allows me to distract myself from the emotion a little bit. Makes it easier :)
TheAnMish 2 months ago
@TheAnMish :-D !! LOL!!! Silly me! Sorry for the mistake! I guess I'm overdue for an eye exam!!! ;-) Especially as I'm doing something similar, and for the same reasons : I ''scratch'' (I don't know how to explain it, especially as I keep my nails very very short...) my thumbs (one at a time, but mostly, the right one) very hard with my forefinger or my middle finger , trying to be discret.... but it makes a sound when I do that, so if it's very quiet around, people notice it... lol!
Hekyvoq 2 months ago
Why do you take and hold very tight an ''Oblat'' or communion bread or ''Hostie'' as it is said in my mother tongue (french), just after you said ''I can't face the world when I'm an Aspie'' and you don't let go of the ''Hostie'' or ''Oblat'' or ''communion bread'' , never , even when the youtube video is over ... You still have it between your fingers.... It's not a pill, it's an ''Oblat''... Thank you for reading me, and perhaps answering me.. TheAMish.....oups.....I mean TheANMish.....
Hekyvoq 2 months ago
Look, before you respond, you really have no reason to get defensive. If you believe you are an Aspie, based on the diagnoses you have received that's fine.
However, if the claims of your abilities are true, then I would say you are like me, and I self diagnose as a "Pretender". There was a TV show by that title and the characters in it are the closest I've seen to what I do, and by your claims, what you do.
If your friend would diagnose those characters as Aspie's then fine, you are one.
Theobrothers 2 months ago
@Theobrothers Sorry to step in, but please allow ME then cast a diagnosis - on the younglady who made this video, not on you.
This video is just over 10 minutes long, and it is very obvious to me that this younglady IS afflicted with high-functioning autism, also known as Asperger Syndrome. I'm an Aspie myself, and WITH a training in (among other things) the paramedical/psychological field. And I can FULLY relate to the younglady says in this video. Narcissism has nothing to with any of it.
AragornCF 2 months ago
@Theobrothers We are just often described by the ignorant masses as being narcissistic and/or arrogant because we do talk a lot about ourselves, but this is i-unjust. We talk about ourselves because our experiences are much more intense than for neurotypicals and so we need to vent. We are also often called arrogant simply because we state facts, without regard for protocol.
AragornCF 2 months ago
@Theobrothers If me knowing that I'm a fairly good actress, and playing a part makes me "special", or "dexterish", then everyone is. Well, okay, most people aren't aware that they're acting. Difference is I had to teach myself how.
As for my psychologist, she wouldn't have to defend my diagnosis based on a 10-minute video, because the diagnosis affects much more than what this video is about.
She'd defend my diagnosis based on 7 years of cognitive treatment and conversation.
TheAnMish 2 months ago
@TheAnMish
if you're so good at acting nereotyoociopuioacal or however you spell it, then you have nothing to complain about . . . . .DO YOU ????? DO YOU ????? NO YOU DO NOT .
NormbrettaMod 2 months ago
I'd say you are much more likely to be a narcissist.
Totally serious.
Theobrothers 2 months ago
@Theobrothers And the reason I would agree with your conclusion (which so far as I can tell, is based on this 10 minute video of mine), over that of my psychologist through seven years or so, who is the leading expert in my country on ASD, is?
It's not that you're not entitled to your opinion, it's just that.. I generally don't think it's possible to diagnose someone correctly, on the basis of videos.
Also, people throw around terms like "narcissist" way too loosely.
TheAnMish 2 months ago
@TheAnMish
Two and a half minutes actually. I have a knack for reading people. In fact I know you responded to me cause I'm not the first person to point it out and you've thought about it yourself. Aspergers, visualizing yourself as Dexterish, and your relationship with a "leading expert", make you feel special.
Nearly no one seriously throws around the term, perhaps as a joke, but as a serious belief that the person they are speaking to could be classified medically as such, ya..no.
Theobrothers 2 months ago
@Theobrothers Others have made comments of how they don't see the difference between the two diagnoses, which is a matter of ignorance. Yet others throw it my way due to that I "always talk about myself", without considering for a moment what I do here.
1. No, I don't consider myself "Dexterish".
2. No, I don't feel special. I think my psychologist is special, in the way that she knows a whole lot about this spectrum.
Sure, she's a friend of mine, but that doesn't make me anything.
TheAnMish 2 months ago