Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist

[wwechamp7100]

very very funny! congrats!

are you scared?

not really no.

AND NOW?

not really no.

how about now?

no.

god damn it!

[themercedesshow]

i love Achmed ...................I KILL U

[crisp2882]

I love the way Achmed says "Stop touching me"

[stormchasers101]

SILENCE! I keel you! :O

[daddysracingbuddy]

lol. so funny. i watch it all the time!!

[TheCarebear9090]

silence! i kill you XD lol!

[trayshouse747]

Jeff- some people say they see a white light when they die what did u see

achmed-umm flying car parts

jeff- what was the last thing going through your mind

achmed- my ass



[katherinelovesyou750]

jeff: so you finished

achmed: what?

jeff: you've done your job

achmed: no i have'nt

jeff: but your dead

achmed: no im not

jeff: but your all bone

achmed: it's a flesh wound

[LPSTwilight12]

I love u ACHMED

[Nightmare1000100]

I KILL YOU!!

[ErickElizondo]

jeff: so what do you think of bush?

achmed: oh i love bu- oh you mean the president im sorry.

lol

[lavaxtris1]

how to find funny show quotes:

1. open up internet

2. get on youtube

3. find a show

4. look at top comments

[WolfGameWalkthroughs]

36 people are Achmed's virgins

[13pigpig]

that was drak was it not

[goodgirl111100]

how about now?

Jeff:No

Achmed:God dammit

[MyLola1975]

Omg I am lmafo'ing and i am listening to party rock anthem

[tashigirl6]

Jeff: so Achmed... where did you come from?

Achmed: your FRICKEN suitcase!! ahhhhahhahahahaha.... I TOLD ANOTHER ONE!

Jeff: Look, if you've been in my suitcase all this time, how have you been gettin thru

security at the airports?

Achmed: oh thats easy! they open the case and i go "HELLOOOO! i am lindsay loHAAAAAN....

[Stargirl64100]

STOP TOUCHING MEEEEE.......I KEEL YOU....

[Deadheven]

Oh lets see uhh a uhh c fleemm

[Tiffany797000]

Ackhmed is my absolute favourite. "premature detonation!" hahaha!

[lilmisstrustworthy]

Silence I kill u LMFAOOO

[THEGODOFDARK5000]

LOL 10:33 

[kylie131209]

the washington monument, it looks nothing like the guy. LOL love achmed

[tymaxie2]

@kylie131209 it looks more like a tribute to bill clinton

[colorfulshades789]

terrifing terroist lmfao

[yankees4571]

Jeff: But your dead

Achmed: No I'm not. I feel fine.

hahahahahahhaa

[rjurmanovich19]

One of the funniest comedians i have ever watched. I keel you \

[itchibowl]

2:05 l-o-l!

[usarabians1]

ELLO IM LINDESY LOHAN!!!! hahahaha made my day

[Angieebaybee60]

Silence! I'll kill you(:<3

[shockwaves360]

Achmed - wait if im dead ooh.. that means i get my 72 virgins :D... are you my virgins..? i hope not.

Jeff - Why?

Achmed - Theres some ugly ass guys out there.

Achmed - if this is paradise i been screwed!!!

[slayerguy48]

@shockwaves360 we all saw it idiot



[shockwaves360]

@slayerguy48

That comment was over a month ago you prat and who cares if everyone saw it don't give a fuck say what I like don't act hard over the internet.

[littleerica10]

i SAW THIS ONE!one TUSDAY!

[javier151983]

I think there mouths are about a second or a couple nanoseconds late.

[EverMarie13]

Achmed: SILENCE! I kill you! >:)

lol gotta love achmed.

[Firfkdjfs]

Jeff: How do you spell it?

Ac*flem*hmed: Uhh well lets see here.. a... uhh c, err.. flemmm..

[501peacegirl]

Achmen- ok i will not move my ass

Walter- u idiot u dont have an ass

[jonta7]

3:00 Stephen Quire?

[FlowofParkour]

how do you spell it?

what!?!?

[XLightsaberRocksYouX]

imma just say something random cuz thats when people get thumbs up... porn.

[steven19992008]

jeff: sit still

achmed: ok i will not move my ass

walter: you idiot you dont have an ass

[HOTMEXICAN71]

Hellllllllllo i am lidnsey lohan

[mskingdomheartsgirl2]

35 people are infidels and were keeled by achmed!!

[SuperSubers1]

lol

[tasha112796]

he has gass I KEEL U

[jpopnlock]

I KILL YOU!!!!

[MyLeshae]

ha hilarious stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!

[blacknaja1]

jeff achmed is my fav pupet :)

[360MJM]

moobs



[Luv2swimfree]

hes my favorite

[Luv2swimfree]

Major LOL

[AhPalmKanya]

SILENCE I KILLLL JU!

"So achmed"

"no it's accccchhmed"

"achmed"

 "no its ACCCCCHmed SILENCE I KILL JU!"

[TaylorxMelina101]

STOP TOUCHING MEEEEE!!!

I KEEEEL YOOOU!

[cupcakeredheadx]

What the hell happened to my feet !! No no no stop touching me ! I KEEL YOU.

xDD

[thevideomaker234]

on 10:14

[thevideomaker234]

thumbs up if you can hear the girl that says WHY thumbs up i you did hear it :)

[themadhatterisme]

 <0

[themadhatterisme]

<

0



[Amber5040]

i took that verison bastard with me!

[0haloman0]

Jeff-How do you get through security through the airports

Achmad-Oh thats easy they open the case and i go "Ello!! I am Lindsey Lohan!"

[19lionkingfan]

lol i was at school in the cafeteria once and the principle was trying to get everyones attention, and we wouldn't shut up, so this guy jumped on the table and shouted "silence! i keel you!" then he did this REALLy good immitation of a gun, and everyone started screaming and ducked under tables. only a few people had seen achmed and were cracking up laughing. (i was one of them lol) even though he got in big trouble, he's like a school legend now. :)

[AnimeFreak081]

achmed should be in the epic rap battles of history

[Leopardstar757]

Are you kidding me? I'd kill you for a Klondike bar!

[azado237]

33 PPL DONT HAVE AN ASS!!! XD

[tymaxie2]

@azado237 36 now because of premature detonation

[Dante5637]

achmed,peanut,jose,bubba j are the masterpieces

[Leopardstar757]

@Dante5637 What about Walter!? He's the best! XD

[NateGregersen1]

STOP TOUCHING MEEEE!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

[NateGregersen1]

Are u kidding me I would kill u for a clinging bar!! Hahahaha

[martingallegos01]

SILENCE ! I KEEL YOU

[domofan4life]

SILENCE ! I KEEL YOU!

[GuitarMan97100]

i never actually noticed he's beard...

[MrToceMKD]

Silence!! I kill you!!! haha they are the best :)

[MsRemi100]

I won't move my ass

You idiot you don't have n ass

[MsRemi100]

Slients ...I kill you!

[hutzudu]

@MsRemi100 learn writing english

[zylawyapz]

I don't like alternative comedy

[chursher5]

A C Flem

[Musicboy315]

10:10-10:25 is funny!

Achmed: i think some idiots must live here. For example the Washington Monument.

Jeff: Yes?

Achmed: It looks nothing like the guy. It looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton!

LMAO

[dsengel01]

this show is soooooooooo funny i think im gonna pee my pants

[Gallllade]

Sadaum's mustard gas was nothing compared to a Walter fart.

[dsengel01]

@Gallllade lol

[zipojonez]

I love this!!!

[20ninjagal11]

this is so friggin funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[WhiteWolfTomboy]

I NEED SOME LIGAMENTS!!!!



[oklahomaguy08]

SILENCE I KILL YOU!!!

[caityrockstar]

lol walter's farts make achmed scared lolz!!!

[TheSpartanOfSparta]

Best Comedy ever !=)

[leoBardo1922]

funny??  0.o

[Darkangel22378]

So wait wait wait.. people get thumbs up for repeating what we just heard??

[ruthk9ramos]

@Darkangel22378 Silence, I KEEL YOU!

[Dante5637]

@Darkangel22378 yep they do

[Darkangel22378]

@Dante5637 That's not right..

[MrBlackwingman100]

@Darkangel22378 uhh yes be we do and u need to be silent before i KEEEEL YOU!!!!!!!

[Darkangel22378]

@MrBlackwingman100.. it's weird. I mean really. What's the point of repeating what the heck we can hear?

[peterpanda4u]

I am a terrorist.A terrifying terrorist.

[Taxman58]

@peterpanda4u Named peterpanda4u -_-

[halogames4life]

LOL.XD

[lilprincess24100]

a. c . flemcccchh.. haha.. SILENCE I KILL YOU!!!!

[bellasfan1]

Achmed :Rawr! And now?

Jeff: Not really

Achmed: RAWR how about now?

Jeff: Not really

Achmed:God damn it O.O OH I mean Allah Damn it!

SILENCE ! I KEEL YOU!

[tawib05]

@bellasfan1 AY YO SILENCE I KILL YOU... =P



[GoGoGadetDildo]

31 people are dead terrorists

[LRCryptic]

"How do you spell it?"."What?".

[IMsuperDUPERable]

I just noticed that achmed had a beard... am i the only one?

[callofduty1164]

@IMsuperDUPERable no. i didnt know he had hair

[TheSkilletfan111]

Hey look...it's Osama de dead terrorist

[000crazyshit]

"A-c-phlem-m-e-d."

ACMED! 

[5053078artgrey]

O_O.... ok ill stop touching you ._.

[xDoMEPoP]

osama the dead terriost

[liddlebee10]

STOP TOUCHING ME!!! I KILL YOU!!!

Wait wat are u doing holy crap im in da air......wati wait something is backwards holy crap

Ello Im Linsey Lohan!!

[asull100]

i just got my flu shot

[HEMI027]

it's a flesh wound...lol

[kyle1232123456]

ackkkmed

[asdf1gh2jkl3]

Jeff "If you've been in this case the whole time, how did you get through the airports."

Achmed "Oh that's easy, they open the case and I say, "Ello I am Linsey Lohan!" "

"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Me, I KILL YOU!!!"

[superpokemonsoccer]

everyone visit cody606111's channel

[memeandme0321]

31 people are about to be a dead terriost

[Roxy28788]

"SILENTS ......i kill you"

[miesrah12]

im a muslim and i can't get over how REDICULOSY FUNNY THIS IS

[freakystuffandothers]

what would doooo for a klondike bar

[ivanrodd]

walter,jose,peanut are funnier well to me

[AnimeGirl1723]

Achmed: If this is paradise, I've been screwed!

Jeff: Well, did they say, only female virgins?

Achmed: Holy Crap!

We love you Achmed! You have so many fans in Dearborn! Please visit!

Jeff, you could teach Achmed how to shout profanities in Arabic, that would make it way more funnier! Lol, how do I get Achmed as a ring tone? I Keel You!

[Mrbarajas1000]

THis shet is too funny xD

[LocoIsTheSameAsCoco]

Did you know, when you go down the highway in a Prius and you put your hand out the window, the veicle all TUUURNS?!

[ElyTitaShow]

5:34

ELOO!!!!!! hahahahaha LMAO

[ThexDespairxFactorx]

Achemed: are you my virgins. i hope not

Jeff: why

Achemed: there's a bunch of ugly ass guys out there

[meow6699]

achmed aaaaaaa cccccccccc flemch

[Jenni4091]

Jeff: What kind of terrorist?

Achmed: a Terrifying terrorist?scared?

Jeff: No

Achmed:*growles* how about now

Jeff No?

Achmed: glowels louder Now?

Jeff: no......

Achmed:God Dammit *Laughter* oh..oh I mean Ala Dammit

[cimphonque2]

slience i'll kill you

[CODmaster6661]

Little did he know that four little words would start a franchise...

[Blingstar98]

You racist bastard xD

[connorbob100]

lol i mean olaa damn it

[TheNarutofan2468]

Achmend: Are u kiddin meh ill keel u for a klondike bar!!!!!!! XD XD XD XD XD

[mysterousstranger132]

he is so funny

[mysterousstranger132]

Scilence I kill u

[mezcallica]

ACH(flem)MED is so f*cking  awesome

[dogdig7777]

some funny shit

[sumbodey]

Jeff: what was the last thing going through your mind? Achmed: My ass. XD Thumbs up if you like that part

[Crazywaffle8520]

Lindsey lohan made 30 YouTube account's and dislike this video 30 times

[101JWOWW]

hello i am lindsy lohan

[Crazywaffle8520]

how do u spell ur name A C FLEM........... SILENCE I KILL U LOL THUMBS UP IF THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE PART

[hdmt2010]

hahahahaha. best video ever. i keel you for a klondike bar lol.

[ForerunnerConstruct]

Why the hell do people thumbs up quotes from the video? I mean for Christ's sake, we just watched the damn thing, we know what they said.

[katnjas]

ELOOOOOOOOOOO I am linsey lohan

[videogameaddict100]

30 were new guys at a suicide bomber base

[kingdomgirl4]

its okay i took that verison bastard with me

[JessTheLengend]

knock knock

who's there?

Me! I KILL YOU!

[jennylover456]

"i tossed in a small boy" omfg xD

[laura161211]

funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SuperRocker671]

STOP TOUCHING ME!!!!!!! I kill you!!

[michelle121593]

WALTER:YU DNT HAVE AN A** YOU DUMBA**

ACHMED:"IS THAT WALTER" ??

JEFF:YESS

ACHMED:"HE SCARES THE CRAP OUT OFF MII"

"PLZ DO NOT PUTT MII BAKK IN THE SUIT CASE"

JEFF:WHY

ACHMED"HE HAS GASS"

LMFAO

[cutiepie28639]

SILENCE!!!!...I KILL YOU!

[kleeliac1998]

where did u come from? YOUr freaking suit case >.>......hey but if uve been in my suit case this whole time, how do u gett pass secutity in the air port? oh thats easy, they open the suit case and i pop out saying ELLO.... im lindsey loan!!!!!

[fortheswarm]

i want to say to 29 people SILENCE, I KILL YOU!

[Rubenmon1]

"I did the same with two catholic priest, but I tossed in a small boy. Yes, yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson."

Yeah, verizon sucks!

[pwnsaurus]

[Insert hilarious quote from vid here]

[insecticide332]

a terrifying......-looks side to side-.......terrorist

[littlelibby12345]

Silence...... I Kill You.....

My favorite part.

[GoalieLiam43]

jeff: if you been in my suitcase all this time then how have you been getting past security all this time

Achmed: oh thats easy they open the case and i "HELLO I AM LINDSAY LOHAN

[yankee2liljeter]

silence I KEEL YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ARcodeworld]

"lets see, uh... A...C...flem?" lol :p

[GoalieLiam43]

@ARcodeworld you spelt phlegm wrong idiot

[bakecl6]

@GoalieLiam43 it is spelled not spelt....

[theawesomeman23]

Oh Goddammit.. oh oh I mean alah dammit!!! lolol :D

[Amaliebieberbaby]

"he has gaaas" xD

[2002kyler]

you really dead but I just got my flew shot

[a1cheergrl]

HOLY CRAP IM IN THE AIR HAHA HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA

[acefunacho]

STOP TOUGHING ME I KILL YOU !!!

[vegaswaddlez]

Achmad: "What the hell happend to my feet?"

Jeff tries to fix Acmed's feet

Achmed: "Son of a bitch"

Jeff fiddles with Achmed

Achmed: ; "STOP TOUCHING ME (audience laughs) I KEEL YOU!!!!

[1997vamyboy]

STOP TOUCHING MEEEE................. I KEEL YOU

[tory111199]

SILENCE! I KILL YOU!

Me and my friend say that to each other all the time cause we both love Achmend so much!!

[kenzieuchiha1191]

Achmed: Wait that means i get my 72 virgens! *looks around at the crowd then frowns* are you my virgens? i hope not!

jeff dunham: why?

Achmed: theres a bunch of ugly ass guys out there!

LMFAO!!!!! XD *Dies of laughter*

[ECL28E]

@kenzieuchiha1191 "Oh wait! I can have Clay aiken!"

[Tissetrold0]

I have 3 off his movies :D

[miniuziscarEqgetnuke]

Okay 2 jews walk in a bar jeff: no, no, no. What??? jeff no. What u don't let jews in ur bar....... U RACIST BASTARD