NHL Woos Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line

[Jtunes12]

You guys know this is fake right? I play hockey and thought this was funny. Look at their other videos.

[acenace24]

Its the NBA that needs more fans

[QazJer]

Funny thing is, this looks hella fucking balls to the wall awesome. I'd watch it.

[pat3000721]

"just good old fashion dunks, 10-car pile ups and home runs" lol

[bobhockey123]

is that actulay true

[SillyPutty30]

@waperkid dohkay. Real hockey sucks camel dicks

[KiprusoffFan3]

@SillyPutty30 well then stick to your mens volleyball

[JaddKaizanMC]

"i am soaked with sweat" hahaha

[Detiminator]

damn anyone have a towel? I need to dry off...

[13maxmom]

it would be football with soccer nets and artificial turf and lines all over the place. whoever was the creator of this idea has no life or is just hopeless

[KiprusoffFan3]

SO RETARDED!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[hockeyhoy]

fuck you! your retarted

[mergynj]

i love the fucking ignorant retards that say that hockey is boring and that they never score goals. Almost every game has about 4 to 6 goals if you watch an nhl game and the 1-0 games are usually the most exciting because there will be about 40 shots on net with both goalies absolutely standing on their head. If you think hockey is boring to watch your either a retarted redneck from the south or have never seen a good hockey game/ playoff hockey game

[bobo13695]

@mergynj rednecks like hockey too...its niggers who can't stand it

[bigkarem]

@mergynj everyone has their own opinion probably sports you hate too, but seriously hockey is about as fun to watch as baseball, or cricket, only fun part is when they have a little fight and even then its boring, infact your boring, the only reason im writing this is because im bored and guess why. . . because im watching a hockey related video

[mergynj]

why are football fans and hockey fans arguing? theyre the two toughest sports by far

[bigkarem]

@mergynj wrong. try playing rugby, gaelic football, or maybe aussie rules football you lose every time! dnt bother replying cus i just dnt give a shit and i know my spelling is crap and my grammer may be off but i really dnt care

[paccplayer11]

@mergynj nope wrestling is the toughest sport

[7th75thCallaghan]

How about all spectator sports are for the bored and uninvolved?

[FinalEx3cution]

I don't know what they're talking about. Hockey is extremely popular. and I'm a huge football fan

[itswatswedo]

cept hockey is way more exciting to watch than football. football the play is stopped after 10 sec and like another 30 sec before 1 starts again

[pompei1968]

@waperkid hockey is a real gay sport!! guys protecting their balls is pure gayness

[firemage195]

@waperkid Thats because you dont know who Gary Bettman is.

[DeadIslandTrailers]

canucks suck



[MrBobsmith45]

I am soaked with sweat

[CanadiaMiliatry15]

God, football is not hockey. Hockey is for people with real skills and who have finshed high school!

[XoXoSakuraKissXoXo]

@CanadiaMiliatry15 And also people with the intelligence to start one of the biggest riots in Toronto...;)

[jmbtake6]

@XoXoSakuraKissXoXo you mean Vancouver, dumb fuck?

[XoXoSakuraKissXoXo]

@jmbtake6 Woah woah woah. Go chill out in your igloo. And no, DUMBFUCK. I meant Toronto! G20 riots that were set off BY the Vancouver ones. But good work, ma bear-wrestlin' brotha.

[jmbtake6]

@XoXoSakuraKissXoXo the Toronto G20 riots had nothing to do with Hockey, and nothing to do with Vancouver, you're literally a retard.

[XoXoSakuraKissXoXo]

@jmbtake6 I didn't say it had anything to do with Hockey. It has something to do with CANADA. I was making fun of Canada. It was a fucking JOKE. Seriously, take the stick out of your ass. Calm down. Sorry about your love of hockey! hahaha

[jmbtake6]

@XoXoSakuraKissXoXo lol way to dig yourself a deeper hole dumbass.

[XoXoSakuraKissXoXo]

@jmbtake6 Haha ok. Good for you, picking fights on the internet with people who make jokes that you don't understand. Bye:)

[jmbtake6]

@XoXoSakuraKissXoXo lmao picking fights about jokes i dont understand? You're LITERALLY wrong about the G20 riots (which took place quite awhile ago now) and you think that that, Vancouver, and hockey all have something to do with each other. You're back tracking because you're too much of a pussy to admit you were being a bigoted bitch and you weren't thinking about what you were saying. You actually might be the stupidest person I've seen on the internet

[XoXoSakuraKissXoXo]

@jmbtake6 No. I was making jokes about Canada.

I was being a bigoted bitch on purpose. if you go back to me commenting on igloos and bear wrestling you would know. I'm connecting them all to CANADA.

So if I insult you when you call me a dumbfuck, don't act like you weren't expecting some kind of retaliation, intelligent or not.

So, I was making fun of CANADA. CANADA. CANADA, aye. Because Canadians love hockey.

It was a joke, and you took it was too seriously. So, sorry for offending you. Bye.

[jmbtake6]

@XoXoSakuraKissXoXo the only thing I'm taking is seriously is how much of a remedial retard you are

[XoXoSakuraKissXoXo]

@jmbtake6 k

[jonah232]

@jmbtake6 Jesus dude, you're quite a dickhead.

[SuperBluepurple]

@jmbtake6  SHUT UP

[cincynj85]

i thought this was espn for a minute...

[Strang3rDanger]

Now it's gonna only be as good as football.

[AlwaysAlexWins]

not funny...

[liamsp544]

The Steamroom is actually pretty badass :D

[joeskis]

the only thing The Onion forgot to rip ESPN for is having a sponsor for every single thing they do. "Let's go to the Coors Steam Room where they'll be debating the Subway 5 questions at the T-Mobile Power Desk in their Ford Super Seats."

[IcyScythe]

@joeskis hahaha no kidding

[TonyAKA30]

AKA Arena Football

[colepleshe]

@Skilledman4 someone loves Minnesota too much

[H0ll0w360]

@skilledman4 shut the fuck up, i bet you like tennis dont you?

[sirgalabadass343]

"No more low scoring games, cold arenas, or skating. Just good old fashioned dunks, 10 car pileups and homeruns, which is what goals will be known as."

[NHLDanesNielsen51]

Nice

[Skilledman4]

if this happened i would shoot myself.. football is the worst sport ever. soccer is for fags. baseball is too boring to watch. basketball is just stupid. hockey is the greatest sport ever invented and nothing will ever change that, unless this shit happens.

[Mossgate97]

@Skilledman4 Baseball and Basketball are the best.

[Prim3StaR]

@Skilledman4 100% AGREED. Hell yes!

[GhostOfAStranger1]

Less scoring games bring more suspense

[SlobbyHill]

This would make hockey watchable.

[wakkyjan]

Its the fact that it's so hard for ppl to score that makes hockey all the more suspense -.-

It is the fastest paced sport in the world. I mean, you can't even go pee wyl watchin a game cuz u myt miss out on a huge breakaway or a penalty or sumtin xD

I FKIN LOVE HOCKEY xD

[kidkong584]

The sad thing is that this is something NBC would push for.

[AntalisVonLeus]

LOL All Canadian teams will move to Florida or Las Vegas

[Evolu1313]

I love the Onion, football is an awesome crushfest, lifetime NY Giants fan here; this does show how we Americans aren't happy unless it's an exciting 6 pt score to make things entertaining. Some of us anyway. I love hockey the way it is minus the shootouts, but at least it isn't Cricket! :P. We'll see how the Draft turns out and MAYBE they'll be a season coming up...curious. Down with Gary Buttman! I'm all over the sports map.

[farneyblakeley]

nice sendup of ridiculous sports shows which have absolutely no value

[kidkong584]

lmao just tell me they'd keep fighting.

[WatchmenDrManhattan]

This seams so familiar.

[MickeyPrice]

gotta love the onion

[11215142615]

They also should've allowed players to randomly execute strangles, jabs, crosses, elbows, knees, roundhouses, armbars, triangles, guillotines, etc. to whoever has the new puck! That'll definitely get some fans! But then again it'll also probably lose some too! Hmm, ok bad idea...

[kidkong584]

@11215142615 They pretty much do that anyway... lol.

[ReverendSyn]

Sounds like all theyre really doing is turning hockey into football

[ozena52]

@ReverendSyn Sounds like you don't recognise a obvious spoof when you see one.

[12Wid3N12]

@ReverendSyn your a fucking genious bud, you must have watched the video and at least 1 game of football.

[PallaTheDancingCow]

man, hockey was cooler when it was still underground.

It was better for the ice. Colder too.

[jmoneyboy08]

so its like football??

[gobo760]

Who else is stoked about the Hockey Bowl tomorrow?!? :D

[onething1471]

I'm sure Bettman would approve of this video.

[animationswithjands]

Hey this is better than real hockey

[undeadjohnson1]

last time your team won the stanley cup there was no color television

[iFBable]

11 Guys????

[RWDatsyuk]

@iFBable Football reference lol

[TheLogicJunkie]

How is this any more stupid than actual pro sports?

[leaftix1]

-Penalty box replaces with Twelve-Round octagon matches" LOL

[lordkomodo123]

Eli!

[SashaNein]

Saw something similar to this at the Olympics: Handball. Pretty decent sport.

[n8style]

"I am soaked with sweat" - nice mental image

[EuchridEucrow1]

"...stuff that thing to the goal zone just like Gretzkey used to do."

"The great one."

[frankfrank65]

0:11 All Canadian Teams Will Move to Florida Or Las Vegas.YEah right...

[elfofevil]

Penalty box replace with twelve-round octagon matches. i would watch that.

[MikeBA10]

"Whenever the NHL makes these LITTLE tweaks fans get all bent out of shape."

Yeah, I guess making the net just a tad bigger and altering the rules a little bit shouldn't make them cry. lol

[rrpostalagain]

On a somewhat serious note...I hate that hockey is always worried that it's not popular enough. Who cares? There should be enough of us that like it the way it is to support the game. There is no need to compete with other sports with player salaries and air time on major networks. Keep spending realistic and there are 500 channels on my TV. One of them is all Big 10 sports and I live in Big 12 country... Maybe if they raise the net off the ground and make bouncy pucks?

[ProjectNatal37]

here with me is steve meister also known as the steve meister

[jayblob716]

lmao epic

[prateek523]

All Canadian teams will move to Florida or Las Vegas?

lolwut?

[theADDKIDD88]

Indeed Hockey would be much more interesting with more dunks, ten car pile-ups, and home runs.

[demayonnaise]

@DtrainBigHammer Ohhhhh, is that what they did...thanks for clarifying...went right over my head.

[MrSafetymeeting]

Seems like a good idea to me.

[failblogtoo]

Haha, Steve Meister, also known as the Steve Meister. CLASSICK

[arachnophile01]

This reminds me of a comic i read a while back "I love hockey, except for the boring intervals where guys hit a puck around with a stick. Come on, just fight already!"

[simpsonguy8]

why do they trash the nhl so much? haha

[dgd151]

@simpsonguy8 because the nhl commisoner garry bettman is a complete douche bag

[hazard26]

@TheMadMoravian ....

[stoopkid80]

@TheMadMoravian Duh.

[jasrogg]

finnally someone did what we all talk about in the steam room

[10forCOMEDY]

Lol

[sportsfeath]

I'm not saying this video isn't hilarious but why don't they make fun of soccer (football), there are 10 times the amount of 0-0 games in soccer. Plus soccer players are a bunch of pussies, and it makes the sport boring. The only reason why soccer is so popular is because its sometimes the only sport available to people.

[KEWB99]

@sportsfeath It's not so much the low scores they're making fun of, it's all the rule changes the NHL made a few years back.

[sportsfeath]

@KEWB99 Yeah I see your point, but i think that there should be rule changes to soccer, so I dont fall asleep during the game

[KEWB99]

@sportsfeath Yeah, I agree. Maybe they should make the field a sheet of ice and make the ball a small rubber disc that they hit with sticks! That'd make soccer a lot better! :D

[sportsfeath]

@KEWB99 Hahaha it would, but i was thinking more along the lines of making the soccer goals wider, and getting rid of the offsides rule

[PeterTheEvilBastard]

@sportsfeath I got an idea. Scratch the rules against punching, and equip the players with spiked gloves. Also, get rid of the referee.

[sportsfeath]

@PeterTheEvilBastard That is pretty much a frozen gladiator battle hahaha

[WilliamJLePetoma]

@sportsfeath

Ask and thy shall receive....

"Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay "

[aknonnerd]

@sportsfeath they just made a new one saying soccer is gay

[shahherwan93]

@sportsfeath yeah u just need a ball..

[stoopkid80]

@sportsfeath Watch the video "Soccer Officially Announces It's Gay."

[Headsetphobias]

"Rule changes biggest since NHL tried using horses in '75" ... I know this is fake but I'd still like to see some footage of THAT haha...

[longboards4josh]

LMAO! "I'm here with Steve Meister. Also known as the Steve Meister." LOL

[aashapa]

hockey to football, that'll definately bring more fans

[Oli3TB76]

Football(soccer... ugh) is the best sport going

[Spanky00Cheeks]

Canada wins hockey! All of it!

[TWchronic]

"I am soaked with sweat"

[Die548forEGO]

ROFL

[sventoby]

I am soaked with sweat

[YEE941]

@sventoby LOL

[jmatt926]

There's gonna be some naysayers... but hockey's never been about the body checks, the ice, or the skating... it's about 11 guys, working together towards a common purpose.

[taekneek]

you can say the same for every team sport

[chukas88]

@jmatt926

sounds like football to me. not american football btw.

[csoimpossiblec]

@chukas88 yeah....except the whole hands thing lol the only sport more boring that hockey it european football

[1danyol1]

@jmatt926 Thanks, I didn't just watch the video myself.

[shorerydr10]

@jmatt926 While hockey is differentiated from other sports because of the puck, skating, shooting etc., I really have to say that that resonates with me..

[aggradef]

I really the difference I've noticed between two of these videos:

-Onion News video about hockey: Hockey fans laugh with it.

-Onion News video about soccer: Soccer fans weep and gnash their teeth like crazed children.

It really says a lot.

[Roflcopter4b]

@aggradef No, it says one thing. Europeans are fags and Canadians are not!

[NonEmoSebby]

@jmatt926 yeh...ur canadian arent ya

[blindside55]

That's right, just grab the puck, get behind the blocker and stuff that thing through the goal zone just like Gretzky used to do!

[HMAARTN]

haha love this. the steam room! HA!

[pindabird]

the last line of the tom brady joke is blocked please remove red thing

[Tibeerious]

@pindabird it says "pretty little face" underneath the red box; just to let you know.

[chromaholic]

lol

[seano1313]

everyone realizes this is fake, right?

[punkduck123]

@seano1313 News flash, everyone knows this is fake

[RockleTim]

lol I love how it's just like sportscenter.  Reminds me of why I hate sportscenter

[SpeedyRaven2000]

As much as I love hockey the way it is, this is just an improvement.

[papertrailTIP]

In reality nothing can make hockey an exciting sport. It's the only sport where you can start watching the game and go away and then come back with 5 minutes left with the score still the same. It's so boring, don't say the fights make it exciting. If I want to watch people fight I'll watch UFC.

[alexvlk]

...like soccer...?

[papertrailTIP]

Oh yeah, I forgot about soccer. Soccer is pretty boring, too.

That's why I only watch Basketball & Football.

[quinquennis]

soccer isnt boring

[seiver1088]

@quinquennis soccer is very boring

[Flamesfan7]

papertrail, this has to be the dumbest comment I've ever seen.

You from Phoenix?

[papertrailTIP]

No, believe it or not I'm actually from Pittsburgh, PA. I just don't like hockey. I just like basketball (Cavs) and football (Steelers eventhough they suck lately).

[kiminokami]

Because they are not busy in school and work and have a whole bunch of time on their cock.

[damnthatsagood]

Hockey, becoming a mix between American football, Football, and Basketball?!?!?

That's crazy!!!

LOL I love the Onion.

[sportsmania21]

Lol. All Canadian teams will move to las vegas or Florida. Probably what Bettman really wants to do.

[roboneko77]

won't change a thing

[piethrower91]

Seriously though, that would be the most ridiculously awesome game ever!!!

[sirprimetime95]

what does it say at 1:53 after "Tom Brady's"

[petrocksemen]

Pretty little face

[jam0523]

pretty little face

[h2theizzo31]

pretty little face

[peniosasdasd]

Hey maybe with this new implement, the leafs will get some points.

[medevilmidget]

@peniosasdasd We all know that will never happen.

[djessbee1]

@peniosasdasd ya right

[KosaiAvonej]

@peniosasdasd Maybe they'll actually WIN a stanley cup in the next century! LMMFAO!

[andyllamanipl]

@peniosasdasd What? No.

[cheezman22production]

@peniosasdasd ZING!!!!!!!!!

[darkwolf809]

@peniosasdasd I'm a leafs fan and i bet what ever gay team your cheering for, toronto will kick their @ss

[NoisemakerArrow]

@darkwolf809 No, it won't, cause the Leafs are crap. I'd look up when the last time they won anything was, but I only keep newspapers from 1972 on.

[bwckid10]

@darkwolf809 to bad that the gay leafs are 5th last in the NHL there buds

[GatorCue]

wow, it was hot in there. Also great choice by NHL. These features go hand in hand. They really needed the three point line obviously, but then they would have to add the bigger net if anyways actually gonna make somthing

[arceustamer14]

lol at 1:45 "I am soaked with sweat"

[steelshug]

Hockey Rules......last good sport out there.

[TealtownUSA]

amen brother

[crimson182]

I love this, because professional hockey is a joke. If they want it taken seriously then they need to stop the fighting, because that just makes is a side show and not a real sport. It is up there with professional wrestling to me

[bjgresock]

fuck you... if you ever even played hockey you would see how pissed you get at people and why you fight.. your just a puss on the chess team

[crimson182]

Actually I was a state ranked wrestler and a starting linebacker on my high school football team. And I have relatives that play hockey for the school and on a traveling team, they are pretty good, but at the high school level there is much less fighting and much higher penalties for it, so It is much more interesting. I have watched a few pro/semi pro games in person and the games are good until the first fight breaks out, then that's all they do after that.

[shockey66]

fighting makes it all the better