I have a friend who hit me with a pool stick and broke it on my body. This same friend also helped take care of me when I was sick after major surgery. He would make me soup and sit and talk with me. I just don't know if he is my real friend or not. And right now our friendship is in limbo because of this. Any advice?
@mxzysptlik Well I don't like his breaking a pool stick on you but I do like his being nice to you at a time where it really mattered. I personally have rough housed or fist fought friends for fun; it has to be your decision but if he just breaks stuff on you when you aren't expecting it then that's not cool. Keep in mind Aspies keep friends far too long quite often. Sometimes it's good to cut to cord sooner on being friends.
SillyGayBoy; You make some good points there. I am not Cynical and Misanthropic ALL the time......just some of the time! Mind you, I do have a very black sense of humour about such things. But one of the ways I deal with Negative energies and people is to try to avoid such people and circumstances as best I can. Which isn't always easy! To Be Continued, I think.....
I can certainly relate to this, and to the horrible experiences that others have been through as a result of their Disability. I have been far too trusting, naive and gullible with people and it has indeed cost me. Put another way- I have been too trusting with the WRONG people. But I am now quite cynical.....if roughly 80% of the people you have come into contact with in your life have been horrible towards you in some way, shape or form.......how else do you respond?
I rate high on the autism spectrum. I was sexually assualted while in the army and was still nice and polite to my assailant. I know how you feel. I was also too nice to my bullies in school.
@scotticus80 Sorry to hear that. Us on the autism spectrum do a lot more things alike then people think; it's refreshing to hear a similarity but I'm sorry it happened to you. I'm curious to know more too if you'd care to share.
I'd already thought about in a very logical manner how to consider some of this stuff.
Odd thing is until I remembered what caused the old paradigm of thought I was unable to cast off the old one.
I hope a hypnotherapist can put me in touch with my entire set of childhood memories.(I know some of us can remember everything long-term, I come close but I can't remember that well).
I just realized when I was a child my dad said "be everyone's friend" and I reacted by assuming that meant I always had to act friendly.
When I'm a parent I'm going to be very, very clear with my kids. If I tell them something I'm telling them the exceptions too. I'm not leaving them to figure it out. I don't want to risk it. There are so many things I was told as a child that I've realized screwed me up because I took it too literally.
When I was a kid I fell in the love with the idea of those high school-style parties on tv but I didn't get invited to enough(managed 1, but it was a flop) and still feel like I don't get enough partying in college.
When I was a kid I loved the idea of partying from movies and I'm in college and still don't party much on average but want more so much.
People told me some weird story that I did NOT believe at all BUT it was so ridiculous it made me pissed they thought they could get away with it on me. But instead I played nice and pretended to be amused by their "joke". I wish I could go back & tell em 2 f 'off.
I often feel bad for not standing up for myself, and then it keeps happening again and again.
I've been nice sometimes when I didn't want to be but thought I had to looked back and didn't have to. Sometimes I've wanted to express meanness but wasn't sure just where the line was. I actually feel alienated by people seeing me as "nice" because they're not seeing how I really feel some of the time. Any tips?
@sicktoaster "Silence is acceptance" so don't put up with something that is wrong like someone being mean to you or playing a prank on you. In bad cases where someone else should be informed that can help a lot if it's the right person. Other things we just need to speak up for ourselves. I hear tattling can make things worse though but I've also seen things get a lot better if the right person is told; at work or school stuff.
I think there's something about aspies that's very authentic, honest and non-pretentious, which is very virtuous but can get you into trouble if you're not careful. I'm not naive thankfully but I am one of those people who is too polite to say no. And I was one of those children who just couldn't deal with it when I found out that everyone was nice and that there is something like cruelty in the world. As you grow up you get a skin and a radar for deception that keeps you out of trouble.
Yes I myself was very easily taken advantage of and like you It's been a verry similar case with me I didn't have the pervert thing happen to me though that really sux dude but yea as I got older I found more respect for my self I find it easier to stick up for myself nowadays
@jeffrielly I'd get "stuck on my words" when I was younger but as I got older I developed confidence and became less gullible. I needed some cold slaps to the face with life first though; not everybody has good intentions but I believed everyone did. I checked your profile and you and I are the same age; 25. It was around 21 and my bad relationship that fixed my way of thinking and I'm glad.
@jeffrielly yea i' myself am stright and yet find myself a girlfriend at 25, but i do go to this social skills group unfortiantly it is all guys but since it is run by our therapist I thought what the hell why not bring up in the next meeting that I woulden't mind if a potential date had the same condition. I mean there brains function the same as ours so thus they actualy understand us but about your relationship was he an nt?
I agree with all this, we can easily be taken in by people and situations that aren't as they appear to be, I've learnt this the hard way too, but I'm still willing to give people the benefit of the doubt as I won't let people turn me into someone suspicious and paranoid.
@spondicious I'm glad you have learned and I too had the "innocent until proven guilty" mentality but now I just look for untrustworthy clues and if I don't find any after a while then maybe it's worth it to test them and see if they can keep a small thing to themselves and that kind of stuff. Many people are untrustworthy, few can be trusted. When I was young I thought everyone was good and it caused problems.
They are wheeler dealer art dealers. I am an artist. But the worst thing that happened to me was at work where a woman flirted with me after I showed interest (I am bi) and then she said she was "not that way" when I finally told her naively that I loved her and she made a big stink and almost got me fired. I have made peace with her since but will never know the truth.
@Lnred1 The same kind of bad gossipy stuff has happened to me so sorry to hear that but you are not alone. Us Aspies are targeted for gossiping all the time and it gets really old. That's one of the reasons awareness needs to be spread and these people can gain understanding or be around people that have it so they won't make such bad and dumb destructive choices for Aspies. Life can be hard enough sometimes without people making things difficult with gossip.
I was/am very naive and trusting and people laugh at it. I don't mind-- my husband loves it about me and enjoys teasing me. He is Aspie, too. We both got taken advantage of financially by my younger sister and I still feel badly cutting myself off from her but you can't trust anything she or her husband do or say.
@Gook987 Yeah there are situations that call for us to be a little blunt and Aspies don't really get that and it leads to people taking advantage of us or pushing for what they want. Neurotypicals can just be rude in bad situations and don't care. Aspies overthink it to death and want to be nice even when we shouldn't be.
@SillyGayBoy Thank you for responding. I have a friend with Aspengers. He is a really good kid, and I am always proud of him. He's a good kid. When I first met him, I had no clue he had Aspengers, and I often have friends who have some sort of problem (ADHD, for example) and help them out. Well, it's getting late today, and I have to go. It was nice talking to you though :)
@Gook987 I'm glad you are friends with people that are different and unique like with Asperger's or ADHD that shows a lot of integrity for you while others might just say "he's weird" and walk away. Some people are better then that though and see a unique person and realize the positive things about the person.
I'm like that in a way, I feel bad being rude to people as weird as that sounds. I have a sister who most call a bitch but she's just brutally honest and doesn't feel bad about telling people what's up, sometimes I wish I was like that which is why people tend to walk all over me, but I am trying to change! So it's not like people do that to me... much.
@SharinByakuGan I say we should try to be decent but don't be afraid to say "no". If someone asks you the same stuff several times it's okay to (gradually) get a bit angrier just not full blown right away. Also "quit asking me that, I've said 'no' and if you ask me 10 more times the answer will still be no" might work too.
I know what you mean, I am 41 and can still be taken easily. I believe we Aspies still have our child-like innocent ways embedded in us. I instinctively believe almost any story told to me because the concept of lying to promote oneself is still an alien concept and I mistakenly assume that others are of the same mindset, thus setting myself up.
I appreciate this video very much and it strikes a cord with many of us with Aspergers.
@Bigbiff70 I appreciate your super thoughtful comment and I hope you can share more with us with my videos. I'll bet you have a lot to teach us. I will teach what I can and I keep thinking of more video ideas. By the way this "child like innocence" is why I think people are drawn to me in some ways that I don't quite understand. Liars really frustrate me and I can't be around them.
@Clonetrooper87 Yeah I didn't mean that as a stereotype against Asians at all but he happened to be foreign. I too am glad he got arrested and expelled. He was beyond creepy and crossed some very bad boundaries and it messed with my head. He had mental problems in some way; definitely not the norm.
@jon91xp I really love being around people so for me I wouldn't say so. If I can think of more I'll get back to you. I've actually been told I'm the "best" at a number of jobs and tasks. With certain stuff I may have trouble at first; but when I get better I get better very rapidly (after a slow beginning). Order taking at In N Out Burger was one; but then I became their best one.
@jon91xp For myself, I would have to say yes. How do I know? Last January, I completed a test for Disability Evaluation Analyst with the State of California Social Services. For the Civil Service exam I only needed to score 70% to pass, however I scored 90% and was invited to an interview.
The Interview involved three panel board members asking vague, open-ended questions (a major obstacle to many Aspies) I did not do well on the social interview and was not hired, aptitude good social bad
You have been so prolific with the videos I can barely keep up, so I thought I'd start with the newest one and work my way back. I think you are a very compassionate person from the way you described your stories (whether or not that is part of Asperger's, I don't know). Compassionate people feel guilty when they have to establish themselves without being overly empathetic. I think you have come a long way learning how to say no and kudos to you because I still find that very difficult.
@juliuschase Yeah I definitely didn't know how to say "no" before. Sure you can borrow my money; copy off my homework, etc. Glad you have understanding of this and I hope you continue to enjoy my videos and suggest ones as well.
I've known known an aspy person who have fell into a few bad situations because of how gulliable the person was, but this same aspy person could be very mean.
@RavenBlaze I think Asperger's people can sometimes be temperamental; and sometimes have a dark side they have to come to terms with. Hope your friend grew into a great grown up. The challenges we face are very different from the neurotypical world.
@UnversedSong Sounds like you and I are very alike. I've ditched friends so many times and didn't even think twice about it. I've often said I'd much rather be alone then have a bad friend and I am not that desperate to spend time around such a person. If people let me down in a bad way then see you later; bye bye. I'm not going to kiss and make up if I feel it's a bad enough thing; and many things have been bad enough things. Good friends or no friends for me. What did they do?
@UnversedSong Yeah we have to get to know someone before we get to see their values as a friend but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy them in the meantime just not dive all in right away. Someone who might appear well natured could end up being back stabbish. We just should watch for a little bit.
@UnversedSong People believe Asperger's to be passed down in the family often times. You may have a number of people in your family with some amount of autism and not even realize it. I have a lot of traits from my dad and I wonder if he has any autism. Sorry people have taken advantage of you. What have you learned from this and what do you do differently now though?
@SugarInHisBlood I've learned I really need to trust my gut even if I don't understand why I have a bad feeling about something and I've gotten better at listening to that.
I have a friend who hit me with a pool stick and broke it on my body. This same friend also helped take care of me when I was sick after major surgery. He would make me soup and sit and talk with me. I just don't know if he is my real friend or not. And right now our friendship is in limbo because of this. Any advice?
mxzysptlik 5 days ago
@mxzysptlik Well I don't like his breaking a pool stick on you but I do like his being nice to you at a time where it really mattered. I personally have rough housed or fist fought friends for fun; it has to be your decision but if he just breaks stuff on you when you aren't expecting it then that's not cool. Keep in mind Aspies keep friends far too long quite often. Sometimes it's good to cut to cord sooner on being friends.
SillyGayBoy 4 days ago
SillyGayBoy; You make some good points there. I am not Cynical and Misanthropic ALL the time......just some of the time! Mind you, I do have a very black sense of humour about such things. But one of the ways I deal with Negative energies and people is to try to avoid such people and circumstances as best I can. Which isn't always easy! To Be Continued, I think.....
eibon81 1 month ago
I can certainly relate to this, and to the horrible experiences that others have been through as a result of their Disability. I have been far too trusting, naive and gullible with people and it has indeed cost me. Put another way- I have been too trusting with the WRONG people. But I am now quite cynical.....if roughly 80% of the people you have come into contact with in your life have been horrible towards you in some way, shape or form.......how else do you respond?
eibon81 1 month ago
@eibon81 Let's not forget that not all people are bad; but we learn ways that people are untrustworthy; this might be a good video topic.
SillyGayBoy 1 month ago
I rate high on the autism spectrum. I was sexually assualted while in the army and was still nice and polite to my assailant. I know how you feel. I was also too nice to my bullies in school.
scotticus80 1 month ago
@scotticus80 Sorry to hear that. Us on the autism spectrum do a lot more things alike then people think; it's refreshing to hear a similarity but I'm sorry it happened to you. I'm curious to know more too if you'd care to share.
SillyGayBoy 1 month ago
I'd already thought about in a very logical manner how to consider some of this stuff.
Odd thing is until I remembered what caused the old paradigm of thought I was unable to cast off the old one.
I hope a hypnotherapist can put me in touch with my entire set of childhood memories.(I know some of us can remember everything long-term, I come close but I can't remember that well).
sicktoaster 5 months ago
I just realized when I was a child my dad said "be everyone's friend" and I reacted by assuming that meant I always had to act friendly.
When I'm a parent I'm going to be very, very clear with my kids. If I tell them something I'm telling them the exceptions too. I'm not leaving them to figure it out. I don't want to risk it. There are so many things I was told as a child that I've realized screwed me up because I took it too literally.
sicktoaster 5 months ago
When I was a kid I fell in the love with the idea of those high school-style parties on tv but I didn't get invited to enough(managed 1, but it was a flop) and still feel like I don't get enough partying in college.
When I was a kid I loved the idea of partying from movies and I'm in college and still don't party much on average but want more so much.
sicktoaster 5 months ago
People told me some weird story that I did NOT believe at all BUT it was so ridiculous it made me pissed they thought they could get away with it on me. But instead I played nice and pretended to be amused by their "joke". I wish I could go back & tell em 2 f 'off.
I often feel bad for not standing up for myself, and then it keeps happening again and again.
sicktoaster 5 months ago
I've been nice sometimes when I didn't want to be but thought I had to looked back and didn't have to. Sometimes I've wanted to express meanness but wasn't sure just where the line was. I actually feel alienated by people seeing me as "nice" because they're not seeing how I really feel some of the time. Any tips?
sicktoaster 5 months ago
@sicktoaster "Silence is acceptance" so don't put up with something that is wrong like someone being mean to you or playing a prank on you. In bad cases where someone else should be informed that can help a lot if it's the right person. Other things we just need to speak up for ourselves. I hear tattling can make things worse though but I've also seen things get a lot better if the right person is told; at work or school stuff.
SillyGayBoy 5 months ago
Whoops, meant to say: 'that NOT everyone was nice'. That just didn't compute for me.
Annique 7 months ago
I think there's something about aspies that's very authentic, honest and non-pretentious, which is very virtuous but can get you into trouble if you're not careful. I'm not naive thankfully but I am one of those people who is too polite to say no. And I was one of those children who just couldn't deal with it when I found out that everyone was nice and that there is something like cruelty in the world. As you grow up you get a skin and a radar for deception that keeps you out of trouble.
Annique 7 months ago
Yes I myself was very easily taken advantage of and like you It's been a verry similar case with me I didn't have the pervert thing happen to me though that really sux dude but yea as I got older I found more respect for my self I find it easier to stick up for myself nowadays
jeffrielly 8 months ago
@jeffrielly I'd get "stuck on my words" when I was younger but as I got older I developed confidence and became less gullible. I needed some cold slaps to the face with life first though; not everybody has good intentions but I believed everyone did. I checked your profile and you and I are the same age; 25. It was around 21 and my bad relationship that fixed my way of thinking and I'm glad.
SillyGayBoy 8 months ago
@jeffrielly yea i' myself am stright and yet find myself a girlfriend at 25, but i do go to this social skills group unfortiantly it is all guys but since it is run by our therapist I thought what the hell why not bring up in the next meeting that I woulden't mind if a potential date had the same condition. I mean there brains function the same as ours so thus they actualy understand us but about your relationship was he an nt?
jeffrielly 8 months ago
@jeffrielly and aside from that she might actualy know of someone that she could actualy introduce me to.....(forgot to through that in there)
jeffrielly 8 months ago
I agree with all this, we can easily be taken in by people and situations that aren't as they appear to be, I've learnt this the hard way too, but I'm still willing to give people the benefit of the doubt as I won't let people turn me into someone suspicious and paranoid.
spondicious 8 months ago
@spondicious I'm glad you have learned and I too had the "innocent until proven guilty" mentality but now I just look for untrustworthy clues and if I don't find any after a while then maybe it's worth it to test them and see if they can keep a small thing to themselves and that kind of stuff. Many people are untrustworthy, few can be trusted. When I was young I thought everyone was good and it caused problems.
SillyGayBoy 8 months ago
They are wheeler dealer art dealers. I am an artist. But the worst thing that happened to me was at work where a woman flirted with me after I showed interest (I am bi) and then she said she was "not that way" when I finally told her naively that I loved her and she made a big stink and almost got me fired. I have made peace with her since but will never know the truth.
Lnred1 9 months ago
@Lnred1 The same kind of bad gossipy stuff has happened to me so sorry to hear that but you are not alone. Us Aspies are targeted for gossiping all the time and it gets really old. That's one of the reasons awareness needs to be spread and these people can gain understanding or be around people that have it so they won't make such bad and dumb destructive choices for Aspies. Life can be hard enough sometimes without people making things difficult with gossip.
SillyGayBoy 8 months ago
I was/am very naive and trusting and people laugh at it. I don't mind-- my husband loves it about me and enjoys teasing me. He is Aspie, too. We both got taken advantage of financially by my younger sister and I still feel badly cutting myself off from her but you can't trust anything she or her husband do or say.
Lnred1 9 months ago
Nice when they shouldn't be? Oohh crap! Ok now I get it. Like the situation you described.
Gook987 1 year ago
@Gook987 Yeah there are situations that call for us to be a little blunt and Aspies don't really get that and it leads to people taking advantage of us or pushing for what they want. Neurotypicals can just be rude in bad situations and don't care. Aspies overthink it to death and want to be nice even when we shouldn't be.
SillyGayBoy 8 months ago
@SillyGayBoy Thank you for responding. I have a friend with Aspengers. He is a really good kid, and I am always proud of him. He's a good kid. When I first met him, I had no clue he had Aspengers, and I often have friends who have some sort of problem (ADHD, for example) and help them out. Well, it's getting late today, and I have to go. It was nice talking to you though :)
Gook987 8 months ago
@Gook987 I'm glad you are friends with people that are different and unique like with Asperger's or ADHD that shows a lot of integrity for you while others might just say "he's weird" and walk away. Some people are better then that though and see a unique person and realize the positive things about the person.
SillyGayBoy 8 months ago
I'm like that in a way, I feel bad being rude to people as weird as that sounds. I have a sister who most call a bitch but she's just brutally honest and doesn't feel bad about telling people what's up, sometimes I wish I was like that which is why people tend to walk all over me, but I am trying to change! So it's not like people do that to me... much.
SharinByakuGan 1 year ago
@SharinByakuGan I say we should try to be decent but don't be afraid to say "no". If someone asks you the same stuff several times it's okay to (gradually) get a bit angrier just not full blown right away. Also "quit asking me that, I've said 'no' and if you ask me 10 more times the answer will still be no" might work too.
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
I know what you mean, I am 41 and can still be taken easily. I believe we Aspies still have our child-like innocent ways embedded in us. I instinctively believe almost any story told to me because the concept of lying to promote oneself is still an alien concept and I mistakenly assume that others are of the same mindset, thus setting myself up.
I appreciate this video very much and it strikes a cord with many of us with Aspergers.
Bigbiff70 1 year ago
@Bigbiff70 I appreciate your super thoughtful comment and I hope you can share more with us with my videos. I'll bet you have a lot to teach us. I will teach what I can and I keep thinking of more video ideas. By the way this "child like innocence" is why I think people are drawn to me in some ways that I don't quite understand. Liars really frustrate me and I can't be around them.
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
As an Asian, your story with the creepy kid was cringe-inducing and embarassing. Glad to know he got taken away.
Clonetrooper87 1 year ago
@Clonetrooper87 Yeah I didn't mean that as a stereotype against Asians at all but he happened to be foreign. I too am glad he got arrested and expelled. He was beyond creepy and crossed some very bad boundaries and it messed with my head. He had mental problems in some way; definitely not the norm.
SillyGayBoy 8 months ago
did aspergers at times make getting a job more difficult?
jon91xp 1 year ago
@jon91xp I really love being around people so for me I wouldn't say so. If I can think of more I'll get back to you. I've actually been told I'm the "best" at a number of jobs and tasks. With certain stuff I may have trouble at first; but when I get better I get better very rapidly (after a slow beginning). Order taking at In N Out Burger was one; but then I became their best one.
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
@jon91xp For myself, I would have to say yes. How do I know? Last January, I completed a test for Disability Evaluation Analyst with the State of California Social Services. For the Civil Service exam I only needed to score 70% to pass, however I scored 90% and was invited to an interview.
The Interview involved three panel board members asking vague, open-ended questions (a major obstacle to many Aspies) I did not do well on the social interview and was not hired, aptitude good social bad
Bigbiff70 1 year ago
You have been so prolific with the videos I can barely keep up, so I thought I'd start with the newest one and work my way back. I think you are a very compassionate person from the way you described your stories (whether or not that is part of Asperger's, I don't know). Compassionate people feel guilty when they have to establish themselves without being overly empathetic. I think you have come a long way learning how to say no and kudos to you because I still find that very difficult.
juliuschase 1 year ago
@juliuschase Yeah I definitely didn't know how to say "no" before. Sure you can borrow my money; copy off my homework, etc. Glad you have understanding of this and I hope you continue to enjoy my videos and suggest ones as well.
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
I've known known an aspy person who have fell into a few bad situations because of how gulliable the person was, but this same aspy person could be very mean.
RavenBlaze 1 year ago
@RavenBlaze I think Asperger's people can sometimes be temperamental; and sometimes have a dark side they have to come to terms with. Hope your friend grew into a great grown up. The challenges we face are very different from the neurotypical world.
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
@SillyGayBoy he has grown up a lot and is in a good situation now. I am happy for him, but I still have a lot of anger at the past.
RavenBlaze 1 year ago
@UnversedSong Sounds like you and I are very alike. I've ditched friends so many times and didn't even think twice about it. I've often said I'd much rather be alone then have a bad friend and I am not that desperate to spend time around such a person. If people let me down in a bad way then see you later; bye bye. I'm not going to kiss and make up if I feel it's a bad enough thing; and many things have been bad enough things. Good friends or no friends for me. What did they do?
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
@UnversedSong Yeah we have to get to know someone before we get to see their values as a friend but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy them in the meantime just not dive all in right away. Someone who might appear well natured could end up being back stabbish. We just should watch for a little bit.
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
@UnversedSong People believe Asperger's to be passed down in the family often times. You may have a number of people in your family with some amount of autism and not even realize it. I have a lot of traits from my dad and I wonder if he has any autism. Sorry people have taken advantage of you. What have you learned from this and what do you do differently now though?
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago
I don't have that condition, but I used to be that innocent as well.
Experiences with people who play others and such other low lifes, has toughened and wisened me up.
SugarInHisBlood 1 year ago
@SugarInHisBlood I've learned I really need to trust my gut even if I don't understand why I have a bad feeling about something and I've gotten better at listening to that.
SillyGayBoy 1 year ago