Dane Cook Atheist

[xxLumbagoxxx]

haha wow,look at all these unchristian pricks here lol. Hey anyone here christian or babtists or whatever...fuck the other guys haha.Just ignore the stupidness.Theyre just stupid they dont get it lol.I promise you "against christian" pricks will have a different idea when ur burning in hell.I promise itll happen.And besides,how could you not believe in God when this world can show you the devil,huh? Youll see.feel kinda bad for you people haha!

[WaffenSSComander]

@xxLumbagoxxx why thankyou i know i am going to hell but people like you go to the deepest pits of hell where you belong fucking prick i don't tell people there religion is stupid and can you believe in some scientificly cannot be if there is a god why can't you see him/her yes i said him or her

i am Atheist and GOD DAMN PROUD BITCH

[anders092]

@xxLumbagoxxx yeah you can keep on beliveing in the magical invisible sky daddy who lives in the sky. but there is ONE thing that you stupid fucker forget, if im going to hell and i am going to roast in the fire for all off eternity im pretty sure that i will get kinda used to it. and how are we stupid? you guys say"yes my 2000 year old book is correct but yours is not" now THAT is being stupid

[underballbutter]

@MrPurpose79 heaven is just wishful thinking and the entire idea of Hell is disgusting. (not what goes on but how a supposedly loving and understanding god can send you to a terrible place like that FOREVER for a sin

[jasonXllX]

@MrPurpose79 Why feel sorry?

[Jackmachinima]

im an athiest umm i agree with @underballbutter

[underballbutter]

yea christianity is stupid and I got that it is just comedy but this was just a poorly made video

[jasonXllX]

@underballbutter You sir, need to die and become a tree

[underballbutter]

@jasonXllX I don't know why you sir would have any incentive to become Christian because if by the most uncalculably minute chance you're right, you'd still go to hell for eternity anyway. So just go ahead and die and tell me what you think.

[jasonXllX]

@underballbutter lol k i will

[SRFColonel]

@underballbutter Hey, dont be mad, why dont you go have a protest to have "god" removed from the pledge of allegiance.

[underballbutter]

@SRFColonel why dont you go protest some funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq and tote big signs that say they died because god is mad that americans let gays marry. yea, this does happen; look it up in case you dont believe me

[SRFColonel]

@underballbutter Im not a extremest baptist moron, every organization has extremists...

[underballbutter]

@SRFColonel see what assumptions do? You have no idea what my stance is on the word "god" in the pledge of allegiance yet you make the assumption. and I'm sure you dont protest funerals I'm just reflecting your idiotic ignorant rhetoric. bitch.

[KodedHart]

I'm an atheist and I still think this is hilarious :)

[zarcon3]

what happened at the end would be awesome

[molly1002]

I'm a christian and this was freaking hilarious! XD

[futurefeet]

You know when people talk about comedic genius? Well, this is the opposite of that.

[miiror13]

haha lol tree it could have been worse some teens could have run through the foret had sex on him then animals crap on him wood peckers hollow him out he gets chopped down dragger away and burnt BAM!

[TheCaliKing100]

no ones an atheist because we all carry money

[thecrazypenguins]

does anyone even care if there catholic or atheist or some other religion? just screw it...screw everyone(even myself)...i would've found this funny if i was an atheist. bury the damn hatchet already....-.-

[yinyang10020]

feels like i'm honoring hitler GESUNDHEIT!

[darkreaper500]

fuck the atheist... who the fuck wants to be a fucking tree or w/e the fuck u fags believe in

[dragonoid250]

@darkreaper500 everyone has a choose of what they want to believe in. Even thought I'm unsure about what to believe, I respect other peoples choices and I like to know more about them. That way, I can understand different point of views. Try to be a little more open.

[SunflashTheMace676]

Dane Cook's a bit of a dick when it comes to atheism, but hey, the punchline was funny. Go atheism :)

[ShayanShafii7]

fuck god

[RobtheBig]

As an Atheist I still found this funny

[Riley0143rsj]

@RobtheBig Me too :p

[ogrish84]

@RobtheBig I feel sorry for you and your loved ones. The shit your loved ones must put up with.

[RobtheBig]

@ogrish84 Put up with what exactly?

[ogrish84]

@RobtheBig how big you are Rob.

[Nowefilm]

@RobtheBig im glad people can take a joke...unlike half of youtube

[kurt9876543210]

they do a lot of work with breezes!

[tannerboyXX]

god bless you = cover your fucking mouth

[ogrish84]

Dane Cock is not funny.

[xLexC7x]

Its funny because its true.

[hasards]

Lol, he is not worthy of having the bible printed on him. I'd say that, instead, those little pamphlets that are handed out by door to door church solicitors :p

[RuneScapiansAreUs]

Listen how many people cheer when he says raised Catholic, whooo hoo! :D

[TacoKing96Studios]

I think this is funny how dane thinks he's right and he thinks god is really existing

[RuneScapiansAreUs]

@TacoKing96Studios And it's equally funny -cough- oh wait, no, even funnier how you think he doesn't.

[TacoKing96Studios]

@RuneScapiansAreUs Well there is no such thing as an afterlife.... If there was I was supposed to be killed last night. The Bible is wrong about the creation of the earth. so you can assume the liars at churches are wrong about other stuff to

[RuneScapiansAreUs]

@TacoKing96Studios Thats probably one of the worst attempts to convince someone I've ever heard. :P

[rampart23]

he makes all atheists sound like assholes :\ (btw your brain doesnt work when your dead or if you help fertilize a tree lol) just saying

[WEFAILZLIFE]

Im kinda in the neutral zone, i believe in reincarnation.

[wael1234567890]

could you people shut up this is comedy not jesus christ tv T_T

[Stiengrabber]

This is funny btw srry my last comment is so long I feel like i was being like a person who is trying to convince people I'm not I hate those kind of people. Dane Cook ftw

[Stiengrabber]

I have no religion but I still believe in God but I believe god is life but don't get mad at me I'm not being a atheist jerk who thinks they know everything I'm just explaining my beliefs. You know when they say God is in you he is not literally in your life is his vessel life is God . That is what I believe. And don't post comments saying Im wrong cause if so your an asshole

[alejandrocristobal98]

haha



[xxxpcs]

I end up on the History Channel cuz the guy sneezed. LMAO!!!

[XXMagic0XX]

This takes place in an Elevator btw....

[NeighborhoodTroll]

This guy is so unfunny it almost makes me want to cry. He's trying to preach to us but lacks the intelligence and wit to convey even the most simple point: People shouldn't regard their beliefs above others... Oh the irony...

[mechaspark1]

@NeighborhoodTroll Nobody cares. He is funny, and you're obviously jealous. If you got on stage, all you would say is stupid stuff. Nothing even good. You really are a troll. He has more intelligence than you, probably because you're only 13, trying to be funny? Seriously, you're too slow to understand humor. And he didn't say "HE SHOULD BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE" like you probably think he did. You're really slow, and I feel bad for you. Don't bother replying, I wont read it.

[NeighborhoodTroll]

@mechaspark1 He isn't stupid, he has the money to prove it. That doesn't make him funny, or this bit any less ironic. "Don't bother replying, I won't read it', that sounds like someone whose little intimidated by what I might have to retort. Let me sum it up for you: You have too much trouble articulating your opinion in the above comment to tell me that I'm slow.

[mechaspark1]

@NeighborhoodTroll Fail.

[NeighborhoodTroll]

@mechaspark1 Fail? I'm quite sure you're the one who failed. I had you at a loss of words. Did I hurt your feelings? I'm sorry about that. Sometimes I can't help but let people know how stupid they are.

[mechaspark1]

@NeighborhoodTroll No no no, you got it wrong. See, this is why you fail. Lol. No, I'm only saying that because its true.

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 Dane cock is not funny you dumb fuck. Go sit on Dane's Cock you stupid cock sucking bitch.

[mechaspark1]

@ogrish84 Someone mad?

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 you still sucking dick?!

[mechaspark1]

@ogrish84 Awww, baby need his bottle? Is that all you can say?

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 please stop sucking Dane's bottle.

[mechaspark1]

@ogrish84 Nobody likes you, just give up.

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 please go kill yourself.

[mechaspark1]

@ogrish84 Man, you are really hardcore! He asked me to kill myself..

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 well, we are all waiting for you to go kill yourself. Get it over with. We don't have all day.

[mechaspark1]

@ogrish84 That's funny, because no one even cares. Why don't you just run to your mommy and cry to her?

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 If you did not care about what I state on this Dane Cock clip, why do you keep on talking back to me?! It seems like you want to get your groove on with me but I'm not a fag. So please, go look for your Daddy and ask him to bend over for you. Your Father will be proud to know you're a fag.

[mechaspark1]

@ogrish84 Hmm, why do you keep replying to me on a video you don't even like, like an idiot? You were the one who came back and started talking to me again. No one likes you, just give up life. I've noticed you are low on comebacks at the moment, so why don't you just stop replying if you can't handle it? I understand you are a troll and you have no life and you live in your mothers basement, but really.. 2 camels in a tiny car.

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 why do you keep on sucking Dan'es Cock?

[mechaspark1]

@ogrish84 Why do you keep using the same comeback? Oh, also.. I don't have time for playing your little games. So goodbye troll.

P.S. 2 camels in a tiny car.

[ogrish84]

@mechaspark1 why do you expect me to feed you fag troll?!

[NurseRekka]

@mechaspark1 RWJ ftw <3

[thejww96]

@ogrish84 GO LISTEN TO JUSTIN BEIBER YOU FUCKED FACE UNCLE FUCKING PRICK AND AFTER THAT GO SUCK SOME BIG FAT JUICY COCK TO WASH IT DOWN and know that why your doing that im fucking your mom

[ogrish84]

@thejww96 can you please take Dane's cock out of your mouth.

[narutorules79]

@ogrish84 lol u only say tht cause ur a fking idiot who doesnt understand his joke's and ur prob an atheist wich like he said u become part of the earth u beocme a tree then u get turned to paper then of course the best part of all UR THE BIBLE =D so go fk ur self u fking ahtiest oh and jst to let u know i killed ur grand mother u faggot ass son of a bitch ;D oh and jst to let u know ur mom's twat is tight as fk i had funn geting thru it =]

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 You stupid cunt, you get recycled after death too you fucken idiot. What do you think happens after death you retard theist? Your body doesn't disipate into thin air. You rot, just like every other living thing decomposes after death.

Please, go kill yourself an then tell me about how you can live after death. If you think we all live on after life dumb shit, kill yourself. Lets see if you keep on living on after death.

[narutorules79]

@ogrish84 Problem with that is if i kill my self i get reborn or i stay in heaven or hell if i get reborn i dont have any memory's of my past life and if im in heaven or hell ill be stuck in hell no way to escape if i go to heaven y would i come back to earth to tell u wat the fk ahppend's ill be with all ym freind's who have died over the yr's and all ym family so y would i waste my time on ur skinny ass to come back and say "HA HERE'S PROOF U FKING IDIOT" i cna jst stay in gah im outa space

[narutorules79]

@narutorules79 heaven and party u faggot so wat if im a cunt atleast i belive in sutming else than fking becoming a tree and having a hard on every time a fking animal pass's by u fking idiot

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 If heaven & hell exist (Which they don't) then all your loved ones will be burning in hell. That will turn heaven into hell. Unless you would like to suck on your nonexistent god's cock for all eternity. I guess you would love to suck on a god's dick that placed your loves ones into hell for all eternity. You seem like the prison bitch type of guy.

[narutorules79]

@ogrish84 actualy i think tht most of my family would be in heaven casue the past 12 member's of my family gave all ther money to orfanig u idiot so i think god would take them butt i wouldnt suck his [for give me god] cock for me to stay butt i would do it if i could have my family stay ther forever u faggot now how bout u go grow some ball's and get them crushed?

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 you see, this is where you theist hit the pavement like the idiot fucken morons that you are. You seem to think you understand what this invisible sky daddy wants out of you an your loved ones. How the fuck do you know that giving away money is what this sky daddy wants to see your loved ones doing, so they can gain access to heaven?

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 For all we know, if there was a sky daddy, he might love pedophiles, rapists, murderers and atheists. You retarded theists never thought about that one, did you. You never thought that your own god could be a complete asshole to you in this life an the afterlife. Theist idiocy knows no bounds.

[narutorules79]

@ogrish84 idk if he does or doesnt like that kind of ppl butt if he does all i know is tht he made them for a resone

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 have you ever thought about the concept that we were not made by a god but through other means. No evidence is provided to show proof that a god exists. Let alone a god that created you an everything you see around you. Look, you need to study more science based information. Here what this youtube channel that contains a fact based doco call "Through the wormhole": youtube.com/user/EverlastingIn­finity#p/u

[narutorules79]

@ogrish84 ok then how bout let me aks u this ok "how were we made?"

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 you can find many lectures on youtube about biology. It is up to you to look at the science. You can't expect people to spoon feed you facts for your entire life.

[narutorules79]

@ogrish84 ha u cant tell me cause u kno ther's a god and u cant think of any thing else to say so U tell ME

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 you stupid fuck! This is why theists are so ignorant. They don't want to learn on their own.

[narutorules79]

@ogrish84 nah i can learn by my self i jst want to see if u know cause ur a stupid fuck =]

[ogrish84]

@narutorules79 go learn English.

[SunflashTheMace676]

@ogrish84 I want to learn on my own and by others as an atheist.

[RedlineMMA]

Dane cook is a douche bag.

[GDchick13]

@RedlineMMA then get the fuck off the video you dumbass bitch!!

[RedlineMMA]

@GDchick13

LMFAO.......come make me you fuckin fag !!!

[GDchick13]

@RedlineMMA I'M not the fag here.I'M not the one whose wasting my time commenting on some video with some dude i don't even like. if you don't like him, then you don't have to watch it. you can leave! think for once!!!

[ampcorp]

this is a comedy video, not a f*cking religious discussion, seriously people

[theanimator16]

god rulz

[ElCallado]

hahaha awesome. never heard this joke b4. is it on any of his cds?

[BlacknWhitesAlright]

HEE CRITIIICIIIISEEED MMMYYY BELLIEEFFSSS NOOOOO

-goes on to mercilessly mock his unbelief-

Yeesh, this comedian is an asshole.

[marleymama420]

catholics, if youre so intent that the atheists will go to hell, then you shouldnt care what they think anyways because you'll never deal with them in the afterlife and by judging them now as bad people or freaks you are assuming the role of the entity you are trying to so passionately defend, which i believe is a sin. Atheists, if you truly believe that the catholics are wrong and that you die and become energy for the earth then they'll figure it out sooner or later so whats the point arguing

[marleymama420]

HOWEVER they need to understand that catholics,christians and many other religions believe in a one higher power, God, now, my religious views consist of many small parts of many different religions which if i had the time to explain would probably make at least a little sense to almost everyone in every religious view. onto the subject of catholics, leave the atheists alone, they have ther beliefs and you have yours they dont co-encide but who cares? just believe what you do and let them

[marleymama420]

to all those who seem to find it nesesary to debate religion over a comedy sketch, lets clear the air. *ahem* a religion by definition is a group of people who share the same beliefs and views on moralistic fiber as well as the happening in the afterlife. now this means, *dah da daaaaaah* atheism IS indeed a religion. people who claim to be atheist are declaring that their belief system consists of no after life but the repenergizing of the planet through their dead bodies

[Vindaven]

And this is why Dane Cook has done nothing good since. Lost a good portion of his audience that day.

[MultiUniv3rsal]

@Vindaven Like me.

[jjkellner42]

Tecnically atheist isnt a religion cause its definiton it belife in wat happens after you die and athiest dont belife anything happens

[commerceskate]

@jjkellner42 technically? not even technically, its just NOT a religion, atheists dont believe in religion so how could it be one? even technically speaking it is not so.

[xcarlosssx]

Religious people think they know that a God exists. Atheists think they know that a God does not exist. If you think of religion and Atheism as the north and south poles, Agnosticism is the equator. It neither refutes nor accepts the belief of a God.

[drea7258]

He is sooo funny!

[dreamfan61]

going to c him on sat bitches!!

[LuigiMario98981]

ill print the bible on him

[CarlosJoseMunez88]

LOL at the pic on 2:08

[xMKIVxVR6x]

Dane Cook is the anti-funny!

[italiono252]

i love dane cook hes a funny son of bitch OMG!

[Account2000001]

Your comments not only show a lack of understanding, but it also shows intolerance and misguided, bigoted hate, from a joke, IT'S A JOKE.

"Yeah athiests SUCKS !!!"

"...go s*** on yourselfs atheists"

What the heck is wrong with you guys?

[Account2000001]

You guys in the comments seem really misunderstood about atheists.

[dreamgirlz96]

you print the bible on him!!

[Tessy899]

saying u be a tree when u die somewhat sounds druidic instead of atheist. but i've never met an atheist b4(let alone one who doesn't appreciate god bless u)

but still lol ^^

[yuukicross091]

XD fertalizer a.k.a poo

[15babigurl]

1:58!!! rofl!

[footworkassassin]

nah your misguided everything you say goes back 2 God. your the tool

[footworkassassin]

tht was 2 sum athiest dude btw

[commerceskate]

@footworkassassin there are galaxies in our solar system that the light alone coming from them would take billions of years to reach earth for them to even be visible. do you understand the point being made here?

[LotharioCasanova]

No evidence for your fairy, you're still the tool.

[footworkassassin]

ok well you got die and tell me if you turn out 2 be a tree and i hope excatly what Dane said in the video happens 2 u. If u reply 2 this i dnt care what you say you admit God is real. Deny it all you want but if you reply in anyway you admit it so bite me bitch

[iknowyou131]

thats right god is real so go shit on yourselfs atheists

[AtheistLurker]

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

[thejww96]

@iknowyou131 finally someone has the balls to say that :)

[kurt9876543210]

@iknowyou131 doubt it for the god is real part, i think god is a metaphor, but metaphor was too mind altering for most people though

[jameshowlett1991]

@iknowyou131 Oh really? When did they find this out?

[theanimator16]

dude u r right god rulz

[NeighborhoodTroll]

@footworkassassin If there's a God, why did he only give you half a brain?

[wikiih]

@footworkassassin quick question, if dying is so cool that you get to rejoin with your loved ones and you can hug jesus in a green field full of trees and flowers.. be at peace with yourself while you play innocently with children, making them flower tiaras.. why are people afraid to die?

[ultimatelifeform777]

@footworkassassin and also if you are one to belive in God (I am christian by the way) you should very well know that hoping something like that happens to him, no matter what they say, AND swearing at them AND using profanity is like a 3rd degree sin! So I hope you have forgivnes toward them and feel bad for what you said. If you do God will dismiss it, but if not you brought it upon yourself

[jameshowlett1991]

@footworkassassin Your lack of grammar is disurbing.

[SamusV4]

@LotharioCasanova

I hope that when you go to Hell, in the Lake of Fire, a demon just slowly pulls your body in two...

have fun believing now :D

[GRAFFREVIEWS]

aww dont say stuff like that! let it be a suprise for them when they get there haha

[scarface8999]

@LotharioCasanova

Look around, those trees ad that sky didnt just make themselves!

[ultimatelifeform777]

@LotharioCasanova dude just leave us be.there is no evidence but there is something that we have, it's called faith. And I'm fine you don't believe and you need to be fine that we do. It's all in the name of faith and or opinion. So plz just leave us alone and we'll leave you alone. agreed?

[SuperShyGuy62]

nice comeback. (internet high five) :D

atheist are pricks anyways.

[labidala]

Yeah athiests SUCKS !!!

[footworkassassin]

I dnt judge people 4 wht they believe but i was raised christian so yea i aint 2 fond of athiests lol

[labidala]

Yeah im with you brother. Im Orthodox.

[GRAFFREVIEWS]

I'm greek orthodox

CHRISTIANITY (and Catholicism) FTW!

[labidala]

Im russian orthodox

FTW BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[identitycrises]

this was awesome. made the skit funnier, too. haha, good job.

[clubpenguinman800]

lmao i love this "ummm when you die nothing happens" lmao

[smittysmit911]

funny video

[billyshake]

I don't know, man, I just can't get on that Dane Cook bandwagon.

[konakevin777]

Good God! That must have taken forever to edit all that! You must have a lot of time on your hands. Nice.

[footworkassassin]

thnx bro

[RationallyYours]

I don't care much for Dane Cook, but that is one of his funnier bits. You did a GREAT job of editing it all together. 5/5. :)

[footworkassassin]

thnx