Coming Out - To the Queer Community

[whosyodaddyyy]

The guy with the glasses in the video makes some good points

[CybershulDotCom]

You ladies are funny... in a good way...! :-)

[abbypeoplehands]

I haven't came out to moat yet. I'm actually wanting to grow my hair out to my shoulders before I do because I don't want people to find me stereotypical, and I miss long hair. Short hair is nice too, but I just want to see what it's like again.

[ooblaee]

i hope this doesn't get lost in a sea of previous comments but i want to say THANK YOU. i have had so many gender queer issues floating around inside me for so long, and i am just recently starting to come to term with them. it's just really comforting to hear frank discussion about it, and thank you for sharing your personal stories, it means a lot to me and i'm sure it must mean a lot to others in the community as well.

<3

[areyouokayy]

I need help and any help would be great, I kindof am actracted to guys and I am a guy but I don't think I'm bi , it's hard to explain but Im only a freshman in hs. And I don't know what to do like I'll see a guy and be like he looks hot or something, I don't know what to do and my family would never treat me the same if I told them please help!

[QueerFAQtor]

@areyouokayy so i got your message on my video and wanted to respond. I know that what you are feeling is really strange, but the advice that i offer is to not be afraid of what you are feeling. it is totally normal! We are all sexual being and while we are hitting hormonal stages, our bodies start to react in sometimes strange ways.

[QueerFAQtor]

@areyouokayy I would encourage you to explore your feelings and then assess how it feels. There are plenty of guys that i know that have had feelings for other men, acted on those feelings and then realized that they were in fact straight. I also know a lot of guys that did not realize they had feelings for men until much later in life. I suppose what I am trying to say is, don't get to caught up in trying to label yourself. So many people are eager to say they are gay, straight, bi, ...

[QueerFAQtor]

@areyouokayy

However, my personal opinion is that there are sooo many grey areas between those categories. So don't feel like you need to label yourself as one of those things. You may be a straight identified male that occasionally enjoys men. That doesn't mean you are gay or even bi. So yeah...look up the Kinsey scale. it will help you get a better idea of what i'm talking about :)

Hope this helps! And you have any other questions, feel free ask :)

~chris

[RainbowSpiceGirl]

I can relate to this video cause Im a Lesbian but all my friends look at me and say "No your not you look straight." and I live in a small town with like maybe 10 LBGTQ people including me so it sucks.

[Chelsea4966]

I am kinda unsure what to do. I am grateful to have found your video about coming out, and the thing is, I am 30 and have just (within the past month) realized that I'm pretty sure I'm Bi-sexual. I know I'm a bit old to be having this realization, and that is pretty upsetting for me. I want to say that (without going on and on) I am only now at a point in my life where I can start to find myself. I told somebody I work with (who is gay) that I'm bi, but that's all.. I don't know what to do next.

[laflakadelflow17]

this is really helpful for me thanks i recently decided to cut my hair like really short my mom and fam. keep budging me about it they think that im going to look really gay but that's the point if i want to get hit on by girls i gotta let them know im gay lolz but seriously i love you guys ;p

[Poniella81]

This is the first video of you guys I've seen and I'm definitely gonna subscribe and watch more. It's SO refreshing to see people talking about stuff that I think about a lot but have no one to talk to about. I think I am very much taken to be straight (I am bi but prefer to just think of myself as queer.) I love feminine things but I want people to think 'there's something different about her' so I tend towards an alternative look- I feel outside both gay and straight worlds.

[DoctorShepp]

I want a goatee and eyeshadow.

[ase894]

I dressed really girly, and I was always acting homophobic and I was really involved in my church, so when I came out, I struggled alot with my apperance and church and alot of things that made me think people wouldnt believe i was queer.

[aubreexxoo]

you guys are so adorable :)

[ferret22222]

Ive only come out to my friends but i dont know what to do from there........

[EmilysBloodycorps]

i really like this video im trying to come out to my family as lesben/genderqueer

but its heard to find some one i live in a vary small city and i like the long hair and makup but i wear guy clothes and when i was question me being lesben i was like trying to change short hair but i really dont look good in short hair thow i like short hair you guys videos are allsome you helped me alot :)

[TheLemiword]

^^ u guys are so coool i love ur video and i hope that i'll be able to do like u, even if t's hard, specially that i'm in morocco so there's no way that i can find a lesbian here ... well good luck for every one (peace)

[lezzbuzz]

Wow! You girls are so cool! I love this video! Thought I'd just let you know that I am helping host an online Coming Out Story Contest for all lesbians and bisexuals in an effort to break the stigma and show the world who we really are! It's connected to the launch of an all lesbian dating site, but you can enter the contest without signing up. finishes end September. Would love to see your story on there! go to google and look up SHE DATE. see ya there! kate

[gayjane]

hey girls, i totally feel what you say! i actually experienced and still experience quite the same.....

me myself, i find it so hard to come out to my family.....all of my friends know but telling my mom?? i just can't do it!!

i come from berlin and everyone is pretty free and opened with gay people here....but telling my mom is an obstacle i can't overcome.

the fact of having "fucked" men before also causes a lot of misconceptions. you can fuck someone without feeling something.

[nevashiva]

rofl u both are thooo cute!!!^^

[WhipItIntoShape]

I totally had a little freak out myself a while ago about what i looked like. I've always dressed kind of boyishly but never used to be afraid of dressing super girly if i felt like it but a little while back i started wearing like exclusively boyish clothes, but i think that was all part of wanting people to know my sexuality without me actually having to say it. Now i'm back to just dressing whatever way the mood strikes me but there are times when i wished i was more obvious looking!

[DeadEndJustice13]

i have came out to most of my friends except my bestest friend cause she is somewhat conservative. and i havent came out to my parents but they are suspious and im like oh shit oh shit lmao! cause its awkward when i brung up some breast reduction thing lol. i hate being bisexual AHHHHH lol

[monkeysred4]

I'm a gay guy, and I actually thought about getting rid of my beard simply because it seemed too much like a symbol of heterosexual men. Now that I look back on it that idea was stupid. Nobody fits a stereotype, you have to make your own type. :]

[Buspejflii]

Great vid!

I come out last year and actually the last person to know that I was gay was my parents and it wasen´t even I that told them cause it was my sister. Bur the are fine with it and they really don´t care.

The hardest thing for me when I come out was that one of my friends was kinda homophobic so she like hating me now. But I think it is a relief and most of the people take it really good and who want to be friend with someone like that anyway so come out and be proud!

[SlamTheLabel]

What i'm having trouble with i that i'm not a very femme gay guy, and worried what the gay community will say. I'm gay but i seem bi. It is so hard being me.

[SlamTheLabel]

I'm 17 and still haven't came out. I go to the lgbt community center and everybody else has already came out. It's so freaking hard to come out.

[psycocrunch]

I like the things you talk in here. In my case I'm a gay men and I've been trough a lot of pressure about what makes me look like gay or straight. because of the music that i liked, my work, my style, makes me look like a "straight guy" but i was not. so i think is really important to all the queer community to reinvent ourself and our own concepts of being gay, lesbian or whatever you want to call yourself.

[thestupidppl27]

I'm Pretty Straight:]

I Like Meh Some Girls=]

But Whatever Floats Your Boat=]

[Jordyn912]

Hey, i havent come out to my parents but i have to most of my friends, i was so scared that they would stop being my friend but alot of them supported me. I've happily been with my girlfriend for 9 and a half months. I think that you guys are very brave for posting this video. I've recently met a few lesbians and ive been able to share my love with my girlfriend with other people.

[vigilante5992]

I'm one of those painful 'half-in/half-out' people. I'm out to close family/friends, but that's it.

The one thing that I had to overcome with coming out was my virginity with girls. I'd never kissed a girl when I came out, but I'd had two boyfriends, so my friends had to get used to that. AT first, I think they assumed I was jumping on the bi-bandwagon that everyone seems to be on now, but I was firm and said, "No. I've felt like this for a long time. I love women, not men, deal with it"

[FunWithCosplay]

I came out to my mom as bisexual when I was14. But then I told her i was J/K. Now, she's asked me several times if I'm gay, every time I decline. I really don't know how to answer, I constantly have conflicting feelings. Here goes- I love girls, but only like guys. I don't mind kissing either, it's when it gets...more romantic, that I don't care for guys. What the hell label is THAT?

[freedomgrl11]

I feel the same way. No Joke. Like I've had boyfriends and I liked kissing them but then I fell in love with my best girl friend. I consider myself gay but I'm not saying you have to, too. But like... I dunno... I see guys and I think wow, he's fricken hot but girls can be fricken hot, too and like, girls and guys have lips that feel the same so thats not really, you know, a gender defining thing but a penis is. Lol. Yeah so...I love vagina. yay! And I dont mind kissing guys. Its who I am. :]

[Lima247]

Thanks for the vid. I'm coming out, and I worry that people won't think I'm lesbian because of my long hair/makeup, but I look really bad with short hair so my longish hair is staying. Maybe they'll realize I'm more butch than they think when they hear what comes out of my mouth, heh.

Anyways, thanks for being so open and you're both adorable.

[kcgalexis]

i came out in the 7th grade.

at first i thought a lot of people wouldnt understand, and they would be homophobic about it, but after i told my friends everything kinda just started getting better. since everyone knows its a lot better, and easier to pursue a girl.

so come out guys, it'll all be good :]

closets are fer clothes not people!

[mistermaste6]

omg you got into berkley!!! CONGRADULATIONS!!!

[Whiskygirl101]

wish i could do it and come out...

[mistermaste6]

i wish i could come out to. its extrordinarily dificult. i would like to say that I'm okay with myself as gay but i'm going to have to say i'm not. even my supconcious is in denial (based on a dream where i denied being gay) i've seen in my life discrimination against gays and it brings me fear that that will happen to me every 2nd of every day of my life. many of these videos say that you shouldn't rush into it but i wanna come out i wanna be myself now i'm only 14...how long can i delay it

[FoxyPope]

I haven't come out to anyone but my friends about being bi, but I've never dated a girl and kind of REALLY want to, but I've kind of been hiding out until high school's over to actually "pursue" girls, so to speak. It's kind of hard because I'm waiting until I actually meet a girl to come out to my family--so they don't just think it's a phase or something. This video was helpful, though; I'm bi and feel intimidated by lezzies a bit, so I'll try to feel more confident in who I am as a person.

[beastiesandnasties]

Yeah, I'm similar... I'm at college atm and have fantasies about bringing a 'friend' home to meet the folks haha- cause an outrage and what not. But I've only come out as bi to my guy friends...I have a fear that my girl friends will think i'm a lesbian and will try to hit on them, which is ridiculous.....I'm kinda seeing a girl now, though, and I really want to come out because of her but it's just so much simpler staying in, you know..?

[ccrustyboot99]

lol i dont plan to tell my family any time soon every time my family gets on the gay subject they call gays fagget and stuff like that u know i laugh along with them but really it kills me

[ACsoccerGurl]

dude i totally know what you mean. :( it sucks.

[ToiletEarth]

Honestly who gives a shit these days if your gay. Why do you people like to label yourselves?

Why do you see it as some kind of nationality? I mean why the fuck should i even want to know about your sexual orientation in the first place?

[pinkismyhero]

i loved the video. im totally opposite from the looks tho i have long hair wear make up but i play sports and wear guy clothes .. i came out as a bi sexual to my mom and she doesn't believe n being bi. after a while i i put myself more into the lesbian category and she was kool with it then i told my dad and he is in complete denile. im not shure how to deal with him. if you have any ideas plz passs em along tnx.

[ZFroggirl]

Thanks guys, this was a really wonderful video to watch going through some of the same stuff you were talking about. I think the hardest thing for me is fation. I do not have the kind of hipster look most queers are diging today, and sometimes I feel a pressure to be what I am not.

[TattooToad16]

cant you be gay and not look like it

[0stephanie123]

i love the way you made this vid. awesome work ^_^

[pishaw13]

I totally understand all of the things that you're talking about concerning femininity and being queer. I am one of those people who like to wear dresses and I wear makeup every day, however I love to do drag too. I hate the gender binary and although I'm not genderqueer I'm going to exist in between male and female or different days.

[YeungE]

yeah totally. i mean the whole reason of coming out is for ppl to know who u r ryt so i guess being urself is the best way to do it. express the way u feel about things in life. it's lyk doing calc (so sad how i'm using maths to describe this) u frequently find problems with mulitple way to solve it or get multiple answers. just b who u r comfortable in being. and yes about the friends part, if they r real friends they will c who u r not wat u r. be strong ppl!!!

[Nutzthawakahoohoo]

Well aren't stereotypes just great, everyone thinks i'm straight or fake cus i don't really look "gay" I am homosexuall but I felt that I were forces out of the bi-term cus everyone always said that "oh right your bi? you'll just end up with some dude in the end" And people don't seem to trust bisexualls the way that they should. In one way it was good that I came to terms with my homosexuality I just think that everyone should take their time and not feel forced :)

[sararockt]

first of all i have to say how much i love you and your videos! they helped me so much to become more confident with my sexuality. i know that sounds cheesy but it's true!

i totally agree with you! even though i haven't came out yet, i feel this ridiculous pressure to prove anyone how gay i am or to fit into these stereotypes. sometimes i question myself or feel even asexual!! how lame is that!?

so thanks so much for encouraging the queer community with your videos!!

(sorry for my bad english!)

[Boliive]

i felt like i had to give up wearing dresses, but like sometimes i like femming up a little bit but i think that if i'm not butch i wont totally fit into the queer community + it probably sounds silly but like, thats they way it goeess.. x

[feline42grrl]

Thanks for your vid ladies, I came out at 25 to my christian family but at 19 to myself and friends and had girlfriends and went to dyke bars in LA. I totally agree that people should be able to present as they feeland be intimate with who they are attracted to. I have been out for 10 years now and am still mostly excited to be around other queer folks because we are a minority. I do believe queer folks need to stop policing eachother's gender and orientation expressions and support..identity

[monroe702]

This video was great! I definitely struggle with this, being a "femme" yet wanting people to understand my queer identity. I enjoyed that you brought up how even within the community people can have misconceptions. You're both totally cute. :)

[comradecaitlin]

this is exactly what I am going through and exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you both -CB

[MyChemicalCarly]

I'm having hair issues. I have medium lengthish hair and people call me out on me being bi and having shorter hair telling me i have to be a lesbian and crap. I wanna cut my hair shorter, you know kinda like Shane from the L word , but i know I'm gonna face so much criticism for it so I'm scared to do it. You guys help me so much with out even realizing it. Thank you.

[nattynarcosis]

i love you people :)

[Deadromance666]

wow thankyou so much for this.

Me and my girlfriend can fully relate to this. Her family is really religious, and both me and her share the same religion. But in the end, by trying to please everyone else you just end up unhappy.

[stuckinabubble1226]

brilliant pair

[yaiknowscrewme]

Boy,u 2 are fugly..

[xnaturallyoddx]

are you freaking insane? they're amazing.

they're beautiful inside and out, and you're really a jerk for saying anything negative about them.

i would say "you have some nerve," but that statement doesn't even need nerve. it doesn't even have merit!

gr. leave them alone. they're great.

Jen and Chris - you're amazing.

-danyell.

[iLOVESARA22]

boy,your an asshole(:

[imaCONvict]

Omg :]

Sounds really hard, what you've been through.

Here in DK it's a lot easier to come out and get into the milieu.

[ghostmanic]

finding my own self.

[krdmonika3]

TO NEVERCHANGELOVE: I don't think there is a big chance your parents could find it.I mean,who could search for queers videos?But if you're scare to do so,I think you can leave your video for 3 days and then delete it.

[M0A]

I don't see other lesbian as my "sisters". Actually I get a little anxious of being seen as a part of an unchosen community where most of the girls have their head too far up their ass to realize there is a world outside their usual gaybar and a little group of friends. That stuff only leads to inbreeding and parochialism. That's just how I see it, but that doesn't mean I don't have any queer friends at all or anything.

Stupid 500 characthers limit. ^^

[M0A]

I try to not to be part of a "queer community". Maybe I'm just not good at being a lesbian with other lesbians. Actually there are a lot of elements in my personality besides my sexuality. I'm not proud of being a lesbian like they tell you to be. It doesn't take that much to be with a girl, you know.

[ammaaannda]

i don't know if anyone else asked this but what is biomale i looked it up but i cant seem to find a good definition

[QueerFAQtor]

Simply put a Bio Male is someone who was born biologically Male.

-paulina

[lalolesbianworld]

OH SHIT :(

i made a video response for you but internet dont let me put it in youtube

im sad now :(

well, someday perhaves it might be nice with me an let me xD

KISS

[imaJENtleman]

let us know if we can help you figure out the issue

[vlpaige]

Thank you so much for this vid. No one really talks about what it's like after you realize you're queer. It's good to hear that you two have felt the same things I have. Such a great contribution!  I am so grateful.

[imaJENtleman]

glad you enjoyed it!!

[astripofred]

...continued from my last comment. I am sometimes confronted as "sir" and over time it has became easier to hear but honestly, I don't see the confusion. My appearance, my fashion, my style.. is just that. I'm happy with my gender, I'd never want to change that. But that's another topic. I see myself as a masculine mannered female. I just also happen to be queer. They have nothing to do with eachother but others beg to differ. It can be frustrating at times.

[astripofred]

Lovely video! I'd have to say something I struggled with (I am the androgynous one) and am still struggling with is the fact that my gender, to the public, is in question. I don't stamp a label on myself, but if I had to, it would be somewhat butch I guess. But this is me, I'm comfortable. Just as Mara in her video on this topic, she has had struggles with the genderqueer issue. I didn't cut my hair or begin to wear male oriented clothing because I want to look like a boy. ...to be continued...

[petpplluv]

i so am going thru the where the hell do i meet ppl thing! thank you guys so much! there is this place in my city i know of but as much as i wan go i am scared outta my mind!

[drocker127]

go with a friend:

walk around, browse, check out who you like =p

[imaJENtleman]

queer people are usually really nice if you talk to them. give it a try- go for it

[1470ARUP]

how did you get to know the queer people?

I really want to know becouse I sorta have the same problem

[QueerFAQtor]

i joined groups at my school, met people off the internet, and began telling people who knew people i could talk to.

[Kijanawazhere]

I'm out to most of my friends, still working on it though. The problem is I just got into High School this year and I would like other people to know I like girls, not just my friends ... the problem I think would be my long curly hair, if I had my way it would straight and short, but alas ... it probably won't be. Ever. It's horrible :P Anyway, I think it makes me look "less-gay". Really depressing.

[QueerFAQtor]

why won't it ever be?

[sakura2390]

yea i kinda know what you guys are talking about but for me as an individual...its always been pretty different for me because of my past...and also the people surrounding me. so for me...it was actually the other way around. when i started to question myself of being gay or watever...i first said i was bi and i still label myself as that...but i didnt want ppl to know anything about that. so instead of trying to look gay...i wanted to look less gay. so yea...thats how it was for me.

[ganymedeIV4]

hahha jenns are always lesbos.

[songbirds2]

I know lots of what you are talking about is after the coming out process, and even though Im not there yet, lots of the things you mentioned have definitely crossed my mindespecially the part about being surrounded by a huge queer community and not being able to tap into it. So frustrating. I keep imagining coming out will be easier if I knew just 1 queer personbut that seems near impossible sometimes. Anyways, I really appreciate you both for sharing your stories!

[HeatherIsACommonName]

I totally appreciate the fact that you two were so open.

Thankfully I haven't questioned other aspects of myself based on coming out as queer. But I also don't know anyone who is part of the community, so I'm still stuck at the point where the people in my life know, but that's it. It sucks because I live right outside of DC so I know there's something out there, just not how to be a part of it. Meeting new people has never been a great skill of mine, so it's been pretty frustrating.

[caughtnbetween]

yeah, believe it or not, i am quite shy myself. but i have had really good experiences when i force myself to put myself out there. d.c has a huge queer community, so you should look into it more. There are all kinds of community events you can go to. One way i started meeting other queer people was volunteering for a queer event (in my case, the queer film festival). anyway, hope this helps :)

[EmilyGh2o]

i don't know what i would do without your videos...especially this one. you have vocalized so many things i have been experiencing in the past months. ironically, i have often been more scared of the queer community than the straight community during the coming out process...because i want so badly to be accepted...

luckily ive met some pretty awesome people...but still. you guy rock for discussing this.

[caughtnbetween]

why thank you :) The queer community sure does make it hard for people to come out. There is so much pressure to be the ultimate queer person. But there are definitely some rad queer people out there that will accept you for the person you are. glad you found a few!

[DMmonkeys30269]

but its ok. i was stereotyping biomales hardcore. i realized i dont have to fit the all-american-male image to be male. its a new form of masculinity. its big pimpin =]

[DMmonkeys30269]

im trans. been on t 14 weeks. i finally have a job where no one knows me as anything but male. i felt, at first, that i had to do everything by myself and should never ask for help. im 5'5'' and i work with 4 guys who are over 6foot tall. a lot of what i need is literally out of my reach. i struggled and struggled trying to do it myself for weeks. now i just point and smile. they laugh at me for being short all the time.

[stonefawx]

I really like this video, I think every queer person has thought about all the things you guys mentioned. Way to go :)

[thenewstmudfrog]

what is a biomale?

[imaJENtleman]

biological male and not a trans man

[badazzrockchic]

Wow guys! I really appreciate you guys sharing your stories. I can defenetely relate.. my story is very similar to ur's I just moved to the bay area from a very small town and Im having a hard time to find people that I can relate to. great video!

_ Yessenia.

[caughtnbetween]

where did you move to in the bay??

[badazzrockchic]

EL Sobrante.. dats near pinole.

[Gpatick90]

Thank you so much. This means alot. I really appreciate someone covering this topic. It can be really hard to find support. Some of the thoughts and worries you guys are talking about are word for word the same as mine. Thank you so much you guys are so awsome.

[caughtnbetween]

no..thank you for this comment. it is so good to hear that our videos are doing good :)

[jessicah35]

Some of my lesbian friends say things to me such as "you don't wear the right underwear for a lesbian" and "you have a handbag that's not very lesbian"

my mum buys my undies i don't care! haha

its just frustrating because i then joke and call them butch and they get defensive and say they aren't.

i just really hate the whole stereotype thing.

[liselle87]

I barely know how to verbalise my thoughts on this video. Then again I'm also hungover...

Meeting other gay people who are interested in my 'type' of lesbian is pretty hard, especially where I'm from and also given the fact I don't think I adhere to a specific stereotype, nor have I ever wanted to.

I am who I am. I just wish looking wasn't such hard work sometimes XD

[hakeemkaz]

i'm gay n had the opposite, i wanted to be androgynous, or free to be more feminine or creative, with how i look yet at the same time had ingrained homophobia n didn't want t be the stereotype n wanted to avoid hate n insults from ppl, especially the ghetto youth, i'm black n live in a mixed rough area.

[pe1biv]

I haven't been able to walk in heels for quite a few years after having a crushed foot in '99, but it's OK again... Though, I guess it will never be as easy as it was before..

[pe1biv]

I definitely like heels and dresses and even make-up..

Been living together with my partner/girlfriend now for almost 10y and no real idea what is going on in the local Lesbian and Gay soc. at the moment. Not even been to gay pride for quite a few years, but next year is in a town where friends of us are moving and 2010 might be regional.

And professionally? Well, the work is currently bad in telecoms, but for that I did climb roofs and even antenna masts....

[pe1biv]

Hm. How people just seem to have to make life more difficult that it already is...

This reminds me of the Lipstick Lesbo issue of some 10-20y ago in NL.

In the local Lesbian and Gay soc. I did have contact wilth more guys than girls, as with most of the 'girls' I was too fem....

Well, with most of them I thought I might as well look for a nice guy and can only say that all 'girls' involved were definitely not my type...

Most times I'm just in jeans and a T-shirt, but on occasions ...... next

[Greg78X]

why just the gay community... why not just everyone>?

[QueerFAQtor]

it does apply to everyone... but we were speaking of our specific experiences dealing with gender roles that are unique to the queer community in some ways.

[monkeyluver95p]

wow i love QueerFaQtor and i really have been enjoying this weeks videos about coming out.

Im a a lesbian i have just started coming to my friends And its really hard because i have long hair but then i wear like skinny jeans and t-shirts and i hate makeup, and alot of of my friends are like what the hell your pretending cause i dont look it so i really liked your video it helped :]

[QueerFAQtor]

whatever you do- don't change unless it comes from within!

[nihilisia]

"you can't always prove your queerness" :)

[imaJENtleman]

exactly! it's internal :)

[ThYdArKoNe]

OMG JEn I love how you said I'm not some prissy bitch with lipstick on, I hate that common miss perception of Femmes, I'm a femme and I am not some prissy bitch either

[imaJENtleman]

glad we can be seen as femme but act a totally different way than the stereotype. this comment got me all fired up :)

[makeupismygirlfriend]

i dress like a boy, i have really short hair, shorter than yours Chrislol but i LOVE to wear makeup and i feel odd wearing ripped pants & big Tshirts & wearing makeup. i feel like i look like a gay guy wearing makeup. but i dont want to look like a guy, but a girl only.sometimes i feel like i'm not queer enough & i dont want people to think i'm not serious about my sexuality, but now that i watched thisi feel like it doesnt matter how i look, what matters is the person i am. thnx

[imaJENtleman]

i love that you challenge the norm. keep on rockin the short hair and makeup!

[shanaquaasheep]

i have such an internet crush on both of you :) heehee.

you guys are so queertastic and articulate and i adore your videos. i'ma total femmey femme bisexual and people almost ALWAYS assume i'm straight. its sad that appearance is such a factor (faqtor?? ;)) in people's perceptions of you.

[imaJENtleman]

yayaya! chris was stoked that you called us articulate... and I am stoked that you are crushin on us <3

[downoutinparislondon]

I never noticed how expressive Richie is with the brows. yahhhh :)

[BelloBec]

...Man, so bored of trying to live up to the good old gold star lezzer, you can never be good enough! Just carve your own niche would be my advice. The rest will follow... at least here's hoping they will :)

[BelloBec]

Heh, yep same for me. The only gay in the village so I went through exactly the same process - got on old trusty internet for fellow gays, ditched the heels, chopped the bangs and pretended I never slept with blokes. Hehe. But, I found that every time I got a step closer to Dykesville, someone always puts up another barrier. All I ever hear is 'oh you haven't got enough tatts', 'you've never done this', 'you're not doing that', 'you've never seen this film'...

[tishafoo]

When I came out I felt uncomfortable telling certain friends of mine because after I told them...its like they felt weird around me. Like just because I like girls means I'm attracted to every girl I see. Thats not how it is at all but thats how they saw it.

[maria012587]

i agree with u guys, something that im SO glad i learned while being gay is to not categorize myself in any label because i dont fit in 100% in just one label. Therefore i dont pay attention to any labels anymore and just be myself, cuz no matter how i look or act at the end of the day im still gay.

[minutemae]

I loved this video. I recently came out.. [4monthsish] I, have ONE queer girl and ONE queer boy at my school. Their both AMAZING kids, and are very supportive, and easy to talk to. But there is this pressure to fit into the butch/femme catagory. Basically, I just have a hard time with this. It makes me second guess myself everyday. "Do I look gay enough today?" Ive asked myself that before. Followed up by "Ahh fuck it." But that feeling is still there. Like theres something to prove. <3 ya'll!

[VestaVesVesStar]

When I was coming out as bi I felt like EVERYONE was coming out too. Then all of a sudden everyone went back in their closet and I was left hanging. Then this year it was like all the gay guys graduated and left and I didn't even have them anymore. Let alone a real girl that's smart and I feel can talk with me on my own level. Then lately I've been having these mini internal struggle about what I really identify as and maybe deciding I'm not just a fem bi chick with purple hair.

[xoxocorriexoxo]

wow, im not homosexual, but i feel homosexuals are not any different then i am, there just more people around me. I know people have a hard time with homosexuality, coming out, or exceopting it in someone else who is, but I really dont see the big deal. religion is usually the root of the 'fear' so i guess a vast majority bide by that, but I dont think someone should have to fear being known as gay, and sometimes i forget that they do fear it.

[caughtnbetween]

thanks so much for this comment. It means a lot to have allies like you in the queer community.  if only there were more people like you.

[ImpishPuck]

One off the biggest obsticales I found in my "queer community" when i came out, was the fact that I'm a mom. My son comes first always has and always will and because of that I had to end several relationships. My wonderful girlfriend completely understands (she's a mom too!). Like Chris I too cut my hair and started wearing more butch clothing. I never felt pressure to do so, I was just finally able to reflect my inside on the outside. I was able to be me.

[malloryspiderwick]

What do you do when you've been in a long term relationship as a queer person and then find yourself attracted to the opposite sex? Gold star lesbian who finds she might be hot on a guy?

[QueerFAQtor]

i think you need to be honest with your partner in that you are intrigued by the opposite sex. It may not be easy for them to hear. But maybe you could explain to them that it is not about leaving them or not caring about them, but rather that there is an urge in you to experience something different and explore yourself. It may not be easy, and it may not end the way you want, but at some point you must ultimately decide which is more important, your partner or discovering yourself.

[QueerFAQtor]

not that i think choosing your partner over yourself is wrong. i think when we love someone there are always sacrifices that we have to make.

[notquitebutch]

I'm going through something similar, I've been dating a 'biomale" (lol) for about 2 and a half years now, and It's been way too long and I'm going to end it soon... I won't ramble, but thanks for giving me some hope that I can leave and find the girl I'm looking for ; 3;

[QueerFAQtor]

absolutely. I'm glad that this could help :) I know it's a really hard thing to get out of. so if you wanna talk or need advice or whatevs...feel free to send me a personal message. you can never have enough support when you are going through something like that.

[k8omiller]

i am boyish in dress and appearance, but i still wear girl's underwear, hanes he he he, my friend thinks it's weird that i still do, she says i SHOULD be wearing boxers

[QueerFAQtor]

bah...to each their own :)

[Shmoo06]

Loved this video, like always. haha.

It's funny because most lesbians that I talk to have told me that they have had previous experiences with a man, so I always feel like the odd one being a "gold star". lol.

Meeting people - big problem for me, same for the whole image thing. Being in a place where there is an extremely small queer community. I always wonder if by changing my look, I'd come to meet more queer people. I don't think I ever would, but the thought is there.

[QueerFAQtor]

I'm glad you liked it :) I definitely agree that it is hard to meet other queer people. Especially when presenting oneself in what society would consider feminine, it's even more difficult because people automatically assume you are straight. As for changing your appearance in order to meet more people, I'm not sure that's a good idea. I'm sure that in looking more queer, you would meet more people, but who would they be meeting???

[Shmoo06]

Oh, I'd never actually do anything of the sort(youtube has a limit on comments. haha)It's just the "what ifs" and "Would it actually be easier for me to find more people like myself".

and I must say that it's like a mystery game when "QueerFAQtor" responds because I don't know who it is. lmao.

[imaJENtleman]

it was chris ;)

[LikeTinkiWinki]

my roomie is the girliest lesbian in the world.

when we go out on the scene in gay town, everyone thinks shes just pretending to be gay. A lot of girls turn her down thinking that shes just pretending.

however she refuses to change her look and still pursues femmes.

the queer community is internally prejudice.

[QueerFAQtor]

this is so true. it's sad how much internalized prejudice the queer community has. But give your friend a big high five for me for staying true to herself and not giving in to the pressures of the community :)

~chris

[BekiLou85]

I Know what you mean about the appearance when i first came out as a lesbian i felt like i had to look like non-femminine. i have been out for 5 years i have learnt to just be myself and be girly and the right people dont care. It is hard negotiating who you are within the queer space because there is pressure for us to be "identifyable" to each other. My hardest thing was my family questioning my butch partners with the "but if she looks like a guy why not just date a "real" man comment.

[tatasjeep]

I'm out to a hand full of people and not to long ago and still a little bit now I feel like I need to where boys clothes and and stuff like that. But I'm inbetween being femish and buch so I'm confused a lote on what I should me wearing and stuff like that. But now I finaly findeing myself. Not to mention the fact that my step dad is always wanting me to be more girly and feminine whihc is extremly annoying it's like let be be who I am!

[QueerFAQtor]

I'm glad to hear that you are on the way to finding your comfort zone for yourself. Sometimes if I wonder if I will ever know who I really am. I feel like transformation lasts forever..

[tatasjeep]

thank you!

[imaJENtleman]

don't be anything but you!

[macbear26]

I have been out since I was 15. Thats like 1986. I have seen this community change over that time and I have changed as well. It has taken a bit of time for me to really come to terms with the fact that I'm gender queer. My spouse and I have been together for about 10 years and I had short hair when we met but one thing she always said was she likes women who look like women. So I gave that a try. Talk about painful. She still likes women that look like women but she loves me for me!

[imaJENtleman]

just be yourself!!! keep on rockin.

[VivienneVita]

i needed this! thanx you 2 are great!

[imaJENtleman]

glad we delivered ;)

[twizzlersandcameras]

I know what you mean by ridding yourself of femininity I did that.

[imaJENtleman]

yah... it sucks that it feels necessary sometimes

[iamakinkychicken]

all I know is I've always been queer and it's just taken me time accept the fact that I am a professional queer. ;-)

love you both! This is an awesome vid!

[caughtnbetween]

oh..you old pro u :)

[pigpen7471]

i r <3 crazy

[iamakinkychicken]

I popped the comment cherry! I've been sitting here waiting for this!!

[caughtnbetween]

yayahhh!! oh and for the record I totally want to be on your unds :)