so easy to slip into a relationship, so many years to stagger out of it.
btw, anyone else noticing how the narcissism/psycho label is all over the net as the definition for whatever ails ya? reminds me of 'Men Who Hate Women and the women who love them'
pop remedy. 'experts' show up when they are just complaining.
end any relationship that is continually painful. just give up & take care of yourself.
all i'm saying is please exercise some discernment when searching definitions of things.
I wouls say her "solution" is narcissistic. To automatically think that what you say controls a persons actions is part of the defintion of narcissism. Since Smeagles mom is.tossing lables, lets throw in sociopath, a fitting assessment for her, considering the nonsense she just spouted.
NutriaGratia run run run get as fara away as possible while you are still young. this will not get better and the longer you are there the worse you will feel and the more she will entrap you. Save yourself
True definitely agree with everything. I made the mistake of not doing this and trying to be honest but then when I realized what was going on just agreed with everything until I could get the heck out of there. Sometimes it takes a while becaue you find out they have set multiple traps for you when you try to leave. The other thing to do is be emotionless. This really works great they leave you alone more. They like to get a rise and if you dont give it they will move onto someone else
It's interesting to see videos like this and then go and look at what the other side has to say.
It's become quite obvious that the problems generally occur when the female in the situation is attempting to essentially lie to, betray, and otherwise mislead the "narcissist". What makes it worse is when the knowledge of the lie is revealed, instead of apologizing for it or simply saying "yeah so what", the female undertakes a mission to assassinate character with labels while feigning innocence.
Married 22 years with one. Walked on egg shells with every word I said. No matter how hard I tried, it was already wrong and bad. She was constantly pushing buttons and if I got upset, she would point out to everybody, including our kids what a terrible person I am. I walked away and THEN realized how bad it really was. Life is so much better now. I'm alone now and want to keep it that way, I will never be able to trust again.
Thank you for posting this. I lived in a situation like this and every single word I said was remembered and later used against me. The constant verbal abuse and destroying my things. He was always trying to bring me down. And my so called friend always had an excuse for everything. I have never been so happy since I got away from that nut. Run as soon as you can. And don't let them back in your life. Ten years later and I am still in therapy, but happy!
Once you recognise the person to be a narcissis(n)t you need to be in exit mode.Gone once practically safe never having further contact using a lawyer & police only for further dealings n precipitates. While with n tell him nothing of importance. You can look like your listening and n often won't notice if you don't reply or say you need time to think about what n said to give a meaningful answer. If n tries demeaning you the response is telling him politely not interacting when acts that way.
Ann- I am happy to see this information available. I feel it is important, however, to note that if you agree with a narcissist, in my experience, they will use that fact against you in the future. I had a client who did this, and it created more trouble for her down the road. This was not a "you're right, I'm sorry" instance, but something that was a supposed negotiation. So please, use caution!
Dissengage, it is not a matter of winning as the competition is theirs only. It is important to not want or need anything from them, then they can't deny and dehumanise. Let them think they are in control and never react to their devices. Challenge them only as a fatal blow and final departure.
P.S. I strongly suspect that you may have some 'control' issues that are not being fully addressed.
This is a serious subject because the advice you are giving will get someone else as ensnared, mired and bogged down in the same hellish pit (emotionally) you are living in while trying to 'control' a narcissist.
Anne, This is some of the worse advice I've ever heard! There is only 1 way to deal with a narcissist and that is to ALWAYS shine the light of truth on them. ALWAYS. Dont push any buttons, dont attempt to elicit rage. Dont even try to get any emotion from them bc you know the dont have any true feelings for you or anyone else.
If you believe you are 'handling' this person with this advice you are giving, you need to take a long hard look at yourself because it appears you are losing yourself.
@lynnegordon I lived with one for 29 yrs so what she is saying is spot on, she is saying WHILE you are stuck with them as I was with no escape, you can fight back and and shine the light of truth as you say but that will enrage them.......if you lived with one you will know what i mean in a second. So instead she is saying to play the game to survive, as I finally figured out to do, just say yes your right and agree until you can get out. you will only know if u have experienced living with one
this is soooo true, you have to eat your self esteem after it has been destroyed with distortion campaigns. Focus on the goal! To elicit the rage is more devastating.
"Narcissism" and NPD are SYMPTOMS of an underlying set of psychological wounds developed from early-childhood trauma. Most lay people and mant mental-health people are unaware of these wounds and how to reduce them. See sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm and the "gercacn"{ channel on YouTube
they don't fly into a rage because you push their buttons!!! they fly into a rage without any provocation no matter how careful you are, no matter how much you're walking on eggshells....their stratospheric sense of entitlement makes them feel outraged by the mere fact that you breathe in their presence....let alone if you try and safeguard your legitimate rights.....get real!!!!!!
@NuntiaGratia I've noticed that they do both; on a whim and when they are confronted. You can't predict their hatefulness. It usually rains down when they are feeling especially bad or bored.
@DayMare2000 excellent observation....in fact I used to say about my ex he was like a shark that smells blood...if i was down, anxious, worried, sick....that's when he'd hit
@DayMare2000 so they'd be feeling bad or bored and they would need their fix to make them feel better.....a taste of your blood when you're at your most vulnerable
@NuntiaGratia Unfortunately so. :( It tends to get worse when they are suffering somehow. My mother has been striken with fibromyalgia and she has never been as cruel to me now as she was in the past. She has called me a bitch - her own daughter - threatened to throw me out on the street in the middle of winter, accused me of being a whore (I'm a virgin), screamed in my face, complains that I'm not good enough, and so on. My turning into an adult has made her narcissism escalate.
@DayMare2000 oh Im so sorry to hear this, I have dealt with the same ;( how old are you hun? I finally got out when I was 29 yrs. my bf saved me, he cld not stand to see me treated the way I was, intact he is the one who showed me how bad it was by showing me how other mothers treat their children, I was shocked! here all my life I was told it was me and I had a mental problem, when it was her and her abuse. Just know its not you hun, I hope you get out soon. always here if u need to talk.
... I keep reassuring myself that the agony my mother has smothered me with, and the fact that I've seen her do this to other people, will help me escape from the pain and leave her in the dust - to heal. However, I'm all too cognizant that anger is just as sneaky as pain. ... I have a long road ahead of me. I'll be traveling it for some time.
My best strength is that I have found myself through my will to survive. If I can just hold on. . .
im the kind of person that just doesnt walk away when theres an issue, because that narocist might annoy another person. anyone know what to do? right now, ive figured out that since they think theyre perfect all the time, you cant make them wrong no matter what.
want to talk with a narcissist? make a point. only one way..quietly and little drama say buh bye..taken me 8 years. i was told to do this 7 years ago as i saw it but thought it will be better. It got worse but by doing some homework as this helps. She had all 9 symptoms and all at once. Walk away and you win win. set yourself free and take control away from them..eewww they hate the most.
This woman preaching acquiescence, appeasement and self-abasement as a response to abuse looks and sounds herself like an abuse victim, hiding bruised eyes behind her sunglasses, having had to sneak out of the house to make this video poolside, speaking in hushed tones so that the abuser won't hear her, yet giving exactly the kind of advice the abuser would want an abusee to adopt--Is he standing just off-camera, threatening her?
This woman preaching acquiescence, appeasement and self-abasement as a response to abuse looks and sounds herself like an abuse victim, hiding bruised eyes behind her sunglasses, having had to sneak out of the house to make this video poolside, speaking in hushed tones so that the abuser won't hear her, yet giving exactly the kind of advice the abuser would want an abusee to adopt--Is he standing just off-camera, threatening her?
Is this woman preaching acquiescence, appeasement and self-abasement as a response to abuse looks and sounds herself like an abuse victim, hiding bruised eyes behind her sunglasses, having had to sneak out of the house to make this video poolside, speaking in hushed tones so that the abuser won't hear her, yet giving exactly the kind of advice the abuser would want an abusee to adopt--Is he standing just off-camera, threatening her?
@limellexX If you're a guy.... wait till you get married. If you're a woman you'l needing to be paid attention to a whole lot...... that means the guy has one job.... you. If he doesn't pay attention to you you'e going to get very upset. All men know that the world is about making woman happy all the time.....
Google: Martha Laura Granados Immigration Prostitute
The VAWA Immigration Loop-hole:
If you are a woman, pretend to be in love with a US citizen or a Legal Resident, get him to marry you. As soon as you got the marriage certificate dial 211 and falsely accuse him of Domestic Violence and Rape and move to a VAWA shelter.
You will be on a fast-track for a Green-Card and US citizenship - all expenses paid for by the US tax payer and as a bonus you will be getting full social benefits.
Sycophants enable and give energy to narcissists, many of whom are psychopaths as well. We live under the psychopathic control grid as there are too many people who pander to psychopaths and become like them.
It's easy to push their buttons as the goal posts keep shifting. Once you learn how to please them they want more and more so rage is something you cannot avoid. The best thing is be yourself and let the insults wash over your head.
@jagara1 Plus you can never appease. It goes round in circles as you put your foot down to the abuse and isolating techniques and walk away but they come crawling back saying it will all be different this time.
get therapy...to learn how to cope and don't put blinders on because they are parents........I did that for most of my life and I am paying for that............
plan ahead.....injure them and mirror them...and before they can rage back ....leave them alone ...disappear /no contact ....while exposing them to their friends (these people probably already know ).
so easy to slip into a relationship, so many years to stagger out of it.
btw, anyone else noticing how the narcissism/psycho label is all over the net as the definition for whatever ails ya? reminds me of 'Men Who Hate Women and the women who love them'
pop remedy. 'experts' show up when they are just complaining.
end any relationship that is continually painful. just give up & take care of yourself.
all i'm saying is please exercise some discernment when searching definitions of things.
IronicalSmirk 4 days ago
@freespirit66 That makes you a narcissistic retard, boom! You've just got mentally.and verbally raped.
Jackreyes81 3 weeks ago
I wouls say her "solution" is narcissistic. To automatically think that what you say controls a persons actions is part of the defintion of narcissism. Since Smeagles mom is.tossing lables, lets throw in sociopath, a fitting assessment for her, considering the nonsense she just spouted.
Jackreyes81 3 weeks ago
I have 2 in my family and chose not to talk with both. Every conversation is fruitless and annoying.
wakingup2010 3 weeks ago
Doesn't work on me I always want proof
Melodicryan 1 month ago
"career" victims are also narcissists. Their "victimization" makes them feel special (especially victimized).
ACIMpsychology 1 month ago
NutriaGratia run run run get as fara away as possible while you are still young. this will not get better and the longer you are there the worse you will feel and the more she will entrap you. Save yourself
persiancatsarecool 1 month ago
True definitely agree with everything. I made the mistake of not doing this and trying to be honest but then when I realized what was going on just agreed with everything until I could get the heck out of there. Sometimes it takes a while becaue you find out they have set multiple traps for you when you try to leave. The other thing to do is be emotionless. This really works great they leave you alone more. They like to get a rise and if you dont give it they will move onto someone else
persiancatsarecool 1 month ago
Never stick a camera in a bowl of JELLO!...... I agree with you Mam Ty for Posting But I could not resist...
Stoneforter 1 month ago
My husband is a narcissist only when he's maniac.
Chrissie315 1 month ago
It's interesting to see videos like this and then go and look at what the other side has to say.
It's become quite obvious that the problems generally occur when the female in the situation is attempting to essentially lie to, betray, and otherwise mislead the "narcissist". What makes it worse is when the knowledge of the lie is revealed, instead of apologizing for it or simply saying "yeah so what", the female undertakes a mission to assassinate character with labels while feigning innocence.
n0s1r 1 month ago
I Love Being a Narcissist... It Validates how Truly Great I Am!!!
MichaelJRodriguez 1 month ago
@MichaelJRodriguez you will die one day and you won't take anything with you. there is no afterlife and you will cease to exist.
runtubefantasy 1 month ago
Married 22 years with one. Walked on egg shells with every word I said. No matter how hard I tried, it was already wrong and bad. She was constantly pushing buttons and if I got upset, she would point out to everybody, including our kids what a terrible person I am. I walked away and THEN realized how bad it really was. Life is so much better now. I'm alone now and want to keep it that way, I will never be able to trust again.
charkee1 1 month ago
@charkee1 Don't buy the ass, rent it!
plalelal 1 month ago
@plalelal I don't even want it for free.
charkee1 1 month ago
Thank you for posting this. I lived in a situation like this and every single word I said was remembered and later used against me. The constant verbal abuse and destroying my things. He was always trying to bring me down. And my so called friend always had an excuse for everything. I have never been so happy since I got away from that nut. Run as soon as you can. And don't let them back in your life. Ten years later and I am still in therapy, but happy!
StaunchComic 1 month ago 2
great advice-- but the shaking of the camera is hard to watch-- a tripod would make this easier to watch.
sculptresslink 1 month ago
I prefer to mentally and verbally rape narcissists. That's how I deal with them.
freespirit66 2 months ago
@freespirit66 me too.
limellexX 2 months ago
@freespirit66 cool
Terrigm45 2 months ago
Once you recognise the person to be a narcissis(n)t you need to be in exit mode.Gone once practically safe never having further contact using a lawyer & police only for further dealings n precipitates. While with n tell him nothing of importance. You can look like your listening and n often won't notice if you don't reply or say you need time to think about what n said to give a meaningful answer. If n tries demeaning you the response is telling him politely not interacting when acts that way.
zephyrseas 2 months ago
Ann- I am happy to see this information available. I feel it is important, however, to note that if you agree with a narcissist, in my experience, they will use that fact against you in the future. I had a client who did this, and it created more trouble for her down the road. This was not a "you're right, I'm sorry" instance, but something that was a supposed negotiation. So please, use caution!
JaieArianna 2 months ago
Dissengage, it is not a matter of winning as the competition is theirs only. It is important to not want or need anything from them, then they can't deny and dehumanise. Let them think they are in control and never react to their devices. Challenge them only as a fatal blow and final departure.
GrumpSkull 3 months ago
P.S. I strongly suspect that you may have some 'control' issues that are not being fully addressed.
This is a serious subject because the advice you are giving will get someone else as ensnared, mired and bogged down in the same hellish pit (emotionally) you are living in while trying to 'control' a narcissist.
I wish you the best.
lynnegordon 3 months ago 2
Anne, This is some of the worse advice I've ever heard! There is only 1 way to deal with a narcissist and that is to ALWAYS shine the light of truth on them. ALWAYS. Dont push any buttons, dont attempt to elicit rage. Dont even try to get any emotion from them bc you know the dont have any true feelings for you or anyone else.
If you believe you are 'handling' this person with this advice you are giving, you need to take a long hard look at yourself because it appears you are losing yourself.
lynnegordon 3 months ago
@lynnegordon I lived with one for 29 yrs so what she is saying is spot on, she is saying WHILE you are stuck with them as I was with no escape, you can fight back and and shine the light of truth as you say but that will enrage them.......if you lived with one you will know what i mean in a second. So instead she is saying to play the game to survive, as I finally figured out to do, just say yes your right and agree until you can get out. you will only know if u have experienced living with one
MsDanny444 2 months ago
this is soooo true, you have to eat your self esteem after it has been destroyed with distortion campaigns. Focus on the goal! To elicit the rage is more devastating.
brianjacksun 4 months ago
@brianjacksun yes very true!!!
MsDanny444 2 months ago
Comment removed
tkathryyn 4 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
"Narcissism" and NPD are SYMPTOMS of an underlying set of psychological wounds developed from early-childhood trauma. Most lay people and mant mental-health people are unaware of these wounds and how to reduce them. See sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm and the "gercacn"{ channel on YouTube
gercacn 4 months ago
Why do you only refer to the subject in question as 'him'??? For this reason, your vid fails. Females have this disorder TOO.
MikeSVOR 4 months ago
@MikeSVOR A very large proportion in this age of consumerism and gender equality.
GrumpSkull 3 months ago
they don't fly into a rage because you push their buttons!!! they fly into a rage without any provocation no matter how careful you are, no matter how much you're walking on eggshells....their stratospheric sense of entitlement makes them feel outraged by the mere fact that you breathe in their presence....let alone if you try and safeguard your legitimate rights.....get real!!!!!!
NuntiaGratia 5 months ago
@NuntiaGratia I've noticed that they do both; on a whim and when they are confronted. You can't predict their hatefulness. It usually rains down when they are feeling especially bad or bored.
DayMare2000 5 months ago
@DayMare2000 excellent observation....in fact I used to say about my ex he was like a shark that smells blood...if i was down, anxious, worried, sick....that's when he'd hit
NuntiaGratia 5 months ago
@NuntiaGratia yes me too this is true
MsDanny444 2 months ago
@DayMare2000 so they'd be feeling bad or bored and they would need their fix to make them feel better.....a taste of your blood when you're at your most vulnerable
NuntiaGratia 5 months ago
@NuntiaGratia Unfortunately so. :( It tends to get worse when they are suffering somehow. My mother has been striken with fibromyalgia and she has never been as cruel to me now as she was in the past. She has called me a bitch - her own daughter - threatened to throw me out on the street in the middle of winter, accused me of being a whore (I'm a virgin), screamed in my face, complains that I'm not good enough, and so on. My turning into an adult has made her narcissism escalate.
DayMare2000 5 months ago
@DayMare2000 oh Im so sorry to hear this, I have dealt with the same ;( how old are you hun? I finally got out when I was 29 yrs. my bf saved me, he cld not stand to see me treated the way I was, intact he is the one who showed me how bad it was by showing me how other mothers treat their children, I was shocked! here all my life I was told it was me and I had a mental problem, when it was her and her abuse. Just know its not you hun, I hope you get out soon. always here if u need to talk.
MsDanny444 2 months ago
@MsDanny444 Yes, it's psychological torture.
... I keep reassuring myself that the agony my mother has smothered me with, and the fact that I've seen her do this to other people, will help me escape from the pain and leave her in the dust - to heal. However, I'm all too cognizant that anger is just as sneaky as pain. ... I have a long road ahead of me. I'll be traveling it for some time.
My best strength is that I have found myself through my will to survive. If I can just hold on. . .
DayMare2000 2 months ago
@NuntiaGratia yup they do both
MsDanny444 2 months ago
im the kind of person that just doesnt walk away when theres an issue, because that narocist might annoy another person. anyone know what to do? right now, ive figured out that since they think theyre perfect all the time, you cant make them wrong no matter what.
WaroWari 5 months ago
want to talk with a narcissist? make a point. only one way..quietly and little drama say buh bye..taken me 8 years. i was told to do this 7 years ago as i saw it but thought it will be better. It got worse but by doing some homework as this helps. She had all 9 symptoms and all at once. Walk away and you win win. set yourself free and take control away from them..eewww they hate the most.
swill1020 5 months ago 2
This woman preaching acquiescence, appeasement and self-abasement as a response to abuse looks and sounds herself like an abuse victim, hiding bruised eyes behind her sunglasses, having had to sneak out of the house to make this video poolside, speaking in hushed tones so that the abuser won't hear her, yet giving exactly the kind of advice the abuser would want an abusee to adopt--Is he standing just off-camera, threatening her?
URLy2Rise 5 months ago
@URLy2Rise What are you on ?
Clariccy 4 months ago
This woman preaching acquiescence, appeasement and self-abasement as a response to abuse looks and sounds herself like an abuse victim, hiding bruised eyes behind her sunglasses, having had to sneak out of the house to make this video poolside, speaking in hushed tones so that the abuser won't hear her, yet giving exactly the kind of advice the abuser would want an abusee to adopt--Is he standing just off-camera, threatening her?
URLy2Rise 5 months ago
Is this woman preaching acquiescence, appeasement and self-abasement as a response to abuse looks and sounds herself like an abuse victim, hiding bruised eyes behind her sunglasses, having had to sneak out of the house to make this video poolside, speaking in hushed tones so that the abuser won't hear her, yet giving exactly the kind of advice the abuser would want an abusee to adopt--Is he standing just off-camera, threatening her?
URLy2Rise 5 months ago
most women are too preoccupiedwith their own narcissistic needs to puts up with mens narcissistic needs.
o0POSH0o 6 months ago 8
@o0POSH0o 75% of narcissists are men.
limellexX 2 months ago
@limellexX If you're a guy.... wait till you get married. If you're a woman you'l needing to be paid attention to a whole lot...... that means the guy has one job.... you. If he doesn't pay attention to you you'e going to get very upset. All men know that the world is about making woman happy all the time.....
o0POSH0o 2 months ago
@o0POSH0o +1
livevilife 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Google: Martha Laura Granados Immigration Prostitute
The VAWA Immigration Loop-hole:
If you are a woman, pretend to be in love with a US citizen or a Legal Resident, get him to marry you. As soon as you got the marriage certificate dial 211 and falsely accuse him of Domestic Violence and Rape and move to a VAWA shelter.
You will be on a fast-track for a Green-Card and US citizenship - all expenses paid for by the US tax payer and as a bonus you will be getting full social benefits.
VAWAhorrors 6 months ago
Sycophants enable and give energy to narcissists, many of whom are psychopaths as well. We live under the psychopathic control grid as there are too many people who pander to psychopaths and become like them.
lemsip 8 months ago
It's easy to push their buttons as the goal posts keep shifting. Once you learn how to please them they want more and more so rage is something you cannot avoid. The best thing is be yourself and let the insults wash over your head.
lemsip 8 months ago
My experience is that there is only one solution to narcicists, a solution that can be summed up in two words - "Walk away!"
There really is no other solution - you cannot fight, reason, appeal or win as the narcicist will always be the winner... in their own mind...
jagara1 9 months ago 41
@jagara1 Plus you can never appease. It goes round in circles as you put your foot down to the abuse and isolating techniques and walk away but they come crawling back saying it will all be different this time.
lemsip 8 months ago
@jagara1 so true.
Redflowers9 4 months ago
@jagara1 That's not true.
Terrigm45 2 months ago
@jagara1 yes (all true) especially what you said in the end, "in their own mind..." VERY, VERY TRUE!
praeeo 1 month ago
I'd like to be a fly on the wall and witness 2 severe narcissists going AT it.
denisethepainter 1 year ago
@denisethepainter ah, my childhood watching them fight. adulthood is good signed, beautiful and kind.
thepixieful 6 months ago
Respond to this video... book "if you had controlling parents" by susan forward.
thepixieful 6 months ago
get therapy...to learn how to cope and don't put blinders on because they are parents........I did that for most of my life and I am paying for that............
LUVJONZ99 1 year ago 2
plan ahead.....injure them and mirror them...and before they can rage back ....leave them alone ...disappear /no contact ....while exposing them to their friends (these people probably already know ).
edwardtang1977 1 year ago 3