Eli's Dirty Jokes - Episode 24 - Prime Mates

[Music002734]

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love? Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.

[theamvgirlx]

Should've seen that coming...

[paliyah309]

@dmtoflinski2 is this for real

[carbine781]

This is how AIDS started...

[thepugpoet]

a girl with no face? how the fuck will she find me?

[swimchick345]

@thepugpoet lol ikr???

[Lummyscape]

@thepugpoet lolololol

[thepugpoet]

poor monkey......U STUPID FUCKER ITS AN APE

[THXmurkaXHT]

so freakin funny! ,oh no my is falling out aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh­hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!@#

[mrayquaza]

On November 20th, 2011 at 7:15 pm, a man was found dead in his computer chair. Doctors found out that his ass fell of and he bled to death. His mother checked his firefox history and found this video, she suffered the same fate. Post this to 6 other funny videos to warn people and never watch this video or else you will laugh your ass off.

[dmtoflinski2]

On December 24,2006 at 8 o'clock in the morning, a young 14 year old boy by the name of Scott Jackson was found dead.Doctors couldn't come up with the cause of his death.His mother checked his emails to see if she could figure out what happened.Turns out he was still signed into myspace.She found he had gone to sleep after he read and didn't repost a chain letter.if you don't repost this to 6 videos a girl with no face will kill you tonight. sorry don't wanna die

[wwefan12372]

الله اكبر

[MrSukaPunch]

Two kids And Three babysitter Each a different race(mexican, black, asian) The three then start to kiss and smear the youngest with their lipstick on. without noticing the younges is coverd in lipstick when the mom gets home she sees the youngest child, acusing the baby sitters of a child rape The asian gets 20 years, the african gets life, and the mexican immediatley gets shot

p.s. im puerto rican.

[banjoadejobi]

so this is hoe sexually transmitted deseases started

[Lummyscape]

@banjoadejobi you mean AIDS?

[northendproductions]

@GoPotatoTVHey I was reading my Maxim magazine about a month ago ago and reading the jokes section and i saw this same joke. Someone probably saw this and sent it into maxim not a big deal but shouldn't u get royalty's or something?

[aicdethfan84]

@northendproductions Not likely. It's an old joke that's been around in one form or the other for years

[Tristan25000]

i laughed my ass of seriously xD

[helloIlikepie5]

awesome

[slickfireburning43]

haha

this is my 56th time watchig all of them try

[TrainerJaz31497]

That's no monkey! It has no tail! Tis an APE!

[cucumberdip]

hahha



[itendtogobeastmode44]

no not the monkey the bartender stupid

[TheAirsoftpwner]

i want one

[MultiDeanster]

I dont understand this sufisacted video, please explain in deep detail this wonderful video. God Bless America & God Bless Your Face.. Just kidding.. EXPLAIN THIS FRICKING VIDEO!!!! AHH!..please(:

[linkgota1up]

@MultiDeanster he wants to give the monkey a blowjob.

[qwerty123566]

@MultiDeanster ok well u know the monkey is qivinq the bartender head because he hit him in the head with a bat. && so when the bartender asks if he wants to try it, the quy thinks he asked if he wants to try qivinq the bartender head so thats why he said ok but dont hit him that hard u qet it now.?

[JenniferPKeaton]

loooollll

[Bubblegum632]

im almost 555,555th viewer. but im really 555,836th viewer!

[psych0ticj0ker]

that's a new reason for animal hoarding.......

[dickcheese663]

haaaaaaaaaaa

[davidcuban2010]

ok dis video is fucked up

[rwjmgmannoyorangefan]

anyone notice the guy behind the bar at 00:20 looks like Eli?

[BigAndTall666]

That monkey must be a knock out offer, gotta be cheaper than having to hire the organ grinder. :P

[warwickdude1]

nice

[animerox155]

Lol

[stinset2]

A very wealthy man enjoyed to walk around town naked. since he had so much money, he paid the police to let him keep doing it, as long as when someone walked up to him he had to act like a statue. so when 3 blondes came walkin down, he freezed. the first one says "Oh look, a vending machine!" she then put a coin in his mouth and pulled his penis. when nothing happened, she got angry. the same happened to the second blonde. the third blonde tried to pull more times. "look, I got some soap!" :P

[drakoon476]

@stinset2 hahahahahaha eeeeewwww

[shaigen1]

that was funny!

[csswessel]

theres a girl on my bus named briana james we call her BJ rofl shes gonna be a hooker

[TimThetToolMan]

BAHAHAHAHAH fucking funny cunt :L

[LuvZippy]

Eli is the other guy down the bar.

[WhyImHere619]

eli is at 0:20 xD

[20tchris]

lol



[hallelujah59]

I did indeed see that one coming :)

[ashdalefan10123]

that bartender is HOT

[THEKIDMARVEL]

jajaja ahora recuerdo porque estaba en mis favoritos xD

[EdeathD]

yuck!

[ekayode7]

one word WTF i have a better cork for him to suck

[BigPoppa1609]

@ekayode7 queer

[zythepsarian]

rofl

[harriettisamallow]

this is the funniest.

[CP661Penguins]

omfg im to young but who cares its a free world

[KennyRemixReed]

@CP661Penguins your too young? I was watching porn every day since I was 11 And Im fine cmon man its just the rules people make they think its their world so they can make rules and say cant do that till 18 cant do that till 18 but man fuck them they say porn is dengerous and it makes you stupid but I was watching it for 3 years now and I am still in control of my self I bet you can even have sex right now rofl

[CP661Penguins]

@KennyRemixReed how the hell is it dangerious?

[KennyRemixReed]

@CP661Penguins I said its not dengerous

[CP661Penguins]

@KennyRemixReed i know im just saying how is it?

[KennyRemixReed]

@CP661Penguins I know yeah I know diseases and stuff but cmon... a condom would be just fine

[SOyouTHINKurFUNNY]

haha that was so funny i laugh so hard i fell off my dinosaur

[asgafrat]

why is this a response to Mortal Kombat?

[MrErki1234]

eli is in the blue at 0:21

[xxxpizza14xxx]

eli is wearin the blue jacket thing on 0:20

[FriedChickenlunch369]

heh.....dont hit me so hard.....lol

[SwaggaSoSick32]

The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?"

Little Johnny replies "The feet miss"

So the teacher says "Why the feet?"

And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"

[DSgamrz585]

A man goes to the doctor after having pains in his nether-regions. The doctor decides to perform a simple test. He instructs the man to pull down his pants, so he does. The doctor then lightly grips each testicle and instructs the man to turn his head and cough, and the man does this. So the doctor nods and says "I think I know the problem. You let a stranger grab your balls".

[h32956]

just watch some of these funny jokes and i must say these jokes suck ...lame shit ...FAIL...

[2alexcool2]

if i get a boner am i gay ....

[MrHandro13]

@2alexcool2 yeah.

[retrogamemaniac]

@2alexcool2 100% gay

[9Iamthewalrus]

heysh wash mysh joksh on shinamaksh, frishday nightsh befr thesh ten oclocksh moviesh

[xRockandMetalx]

@9Iamthewalrus Lol.

[cammyboy2k10]

0:50



[Thinbladeii]

Tom Tucker, you silly alcoholic.

[getfunky79]

@96jortega I will tell you y it turns you on ..... because ure a FAGGOT!!

[BooyaaPwned]

Lol wtf?

[116gaara]

hahahahaha

[7PlanBSkater7]

okay, 3 girls in a bar, all friends for a girls night out, after a few drinks and random conversation one girl brag's about how loose she is and says, "im so loose, i can fit 3 fingers in myself", the girl next to her says, "oh yea? im so loose, i can fit my hole fist in", then, the 3rd starts laughing, as shes sliding down the bar stool xD

[Scatertom1]

@7PlanBSkater7 you mean 3 sluts rite?

[7PlanBSkater7]

@Scatertom1 basically

[Death82]

@7PlanBSkater7 omfg!!!!! gross! but funny as heck lol

[yizo247]

@7PlanBSkater7 Lol thnx for makin my day XP

[triplehfan13071]

@7PlanBSkater7 i dont get it

[Be1smaht]

@7PlanBSkater7 hmmm... I dont get it. 

[TrainerJaz31497]

@7PlanBSkater7 So the third one wasn't wearing any pants?

[TheNYCbarbiegirl]

@TrainerJaz31497 i was thinking the same thing lol

[FatGuy574]

hahaha wow, this guy in dunny

[SuperAndrei5]

HAHAAHAHAHAHA lol to funny

[96jortega]

I don't know why this joke turned me on

[LSDkitteh]

that was jacked up lol

[shizzlepamizzle]

ELi's sitting at 0;22

[xxxzanmotoxxx]

too funny 

[traynorfong]

when he said wanna try it? the man thought he will hit him on the head and then suck his dick

[CowBoobie]

@traynorfong o rly

[strongghy65]

ewww...

[rosered316]

I thought the joke was going to be about him drinking the monkey's shit,but this turned out to be better. :D

[YEZR18]

@rosered316 LMFAO why wat made you think that ?

[rosered316]

@YEZR18: Well,his drinks are brown and then I saw the monkey and thought (because you know monkey's like to pick up their own shit and throw it at each other) It gave me that idea for some odd reason.

[bykert]

omg funny

[LilJ367]

i dont get it

[shortanimationz]

@LilJ367 You stupid?

[AgentBonerShinobi808]

@shortanimationz nah he is just too young for this

[shortanimationz]

@AgentBonerShinobi808 I hope so.

[cathkatnydri4eveer]

OOOH MY GOOOD!!!

[videobezerker]

Eli is the guy at the end of the bar

[mrmaplestory12]

LOL NICE 1 XD Rates Thumbs up

[elricik2]

i love his jokes but his new jokes suck ass

[octoberboiy]

LMAO... that was madd funny

[rocketman15190]

how do you people come up with these jokes?

[legomaster335]

if you look,you can see eli as a guy with a pony tail and beard lol.its funny

[sandy12345641]

you know how to tell a joke

[XxKO3xX]

i will get one of those monkeys! but i am afraid it might peel my ding dong before sucking! XD...like a banana

[boomk330]

@XxKO3xX Easiest way to get circumcised.

[XxKO3xX]

@boomk330 LOL

[damani2455]

@XxKO3xX 

[standaman614]

(.)_(.)?

[TheGogitta]

@standaman614 (.)_(.)

[DjPaanda]

thats groooooooss

[Katrieka]

@ballsopt i was thinking the exact same thing lol

[videoman24681012]

the joke is,the bartender got the monkey to give him a bj,then he offered the monkey to the man so he can get a bj by saying"u wana try it?"and the man thought that the bartender was asking him if he wanted to suk his dick and said hell yes

[joel12340]

0:22 is eli

[alzairraven]

=))

[ballsopt]

you'd think a guy who likes getting blowjobs from a monkey would be less surprised

[LeeTerminator]

@ballsopt HAHAHA =D

[tomyo669]

Great joke

I also like that the guy said bj instead of blow job

[stickemon]

For some reason this video makes me wanna get a bj >.>

[GuitarHero43701]

omfg thts funny!

[rachelzworld]

theguy got the wrong idea lol

[TheMaxwellVideos]

"Just don't hit me that hard!" LOL!

[piggiesrule123]

lol... the bartender looks like a cartoon version on alexander skarsgard... dont know why, that just popped into my head.

[THEKIDMARVEL]

xD #ROFLMAO

[krisTian625]

,ahahaha.,

[TheAngelwifwings]

ewwww !!!!!!!!the guys a monkey

[KenpachiZeraki1]

hows this one? A man walks in to a bar and there is a donkey over in the corner crying so the guy asks the bar tender whys that donkey crying the bar tender says he has no idea why. So the man says for 100 bucks and a free beer ill make that donkey stop crying the bar tender agrees and the man walks over to the donkey and whispers something in his ear and the donky starts to laff and the man drinks his beer and takes his money

[spacepolic29]

@KenpachiZeraki1 dont get it

[octogirlpretty]

@spacepolic29

Same here.

[csinger527]

this is just hilarious. I loved every second!

[pokiri446]

i actually laughed my ass off

[Blacklash2]

he said don't hit me so hard . He shinks that he ganna give him a BJ >>> drinks and what can do

[multiblake12]

you're a sick man

[Locbui1989]

HAHHAA

[montrailroper]

ewww dats nasty

[senl12]

omqoshh! hahaha that was qood but discustinq hehee

[PlayFishy123]

rofl

[MeikoMan800]

@PlayFishy123 OMGWTFBBQ

[HORRIOR]

BRAVO!!!!!!! that was a good one

[manfuckinginatree]

That's not eli idiots that's chuck norris

[bubblinbrownsugar616]

LMFAO!!!

[caoily987]

Ha at second 22 Elis in the backround

[ultimateninja69]

Monkeys are kind of like humans so it would only kind of be like bestiality.

[me199009]

Lmao that was funny, probly best classic

[stuntzforlife]

hey search stuntzforlife on youtube and watch Wake Up Scare Prank, thanks!!!!

[coolerbuttbuddy]

animal cruelty :( but funny

[halferuga]

Lol. That was awesome)

[jimrevo727]

Oh god funny

[15swen]

i wish it would work on my wife

[bikeridereveryday]

@15swen haha, Zing!

[David1582]

@15swen rofl.

[Beckylicious456]

OMG LOL

[bro671]

id let the monkey do it

[flamethrowerofsuns]

dude thats so disgusting why would he want a bj from a monkry. a least keep a chick in there thats drunk.

[babiesown]

@flamethrowerofsuns hmm good idea have a chicken in there XD

[z0mbi3slay3r700]

Hes Gay!!! not eli of course. :D

[BurieDCat]

hahaha the only eli dirty joke i love the most

[darkdestiny0002]

@BurieDCat

Ofc then it wouldnt be the most if you liked one just as much XD

[ylil007]

d man want to suck d bartendar penis