The Worst Novel Ever

[BerwynPotHead420]

I wish you were my English teacher in high school

[thejoachimk]

I seriously thought that the book would be Twilight.

[Riathsin]

@thejoachimk same here

[tomaf]

i read a worse book, "Into the Mirror Black" by Frank Bittenger.

[tomaf]

myspace??? what's that???

[BTTFMovie]

I was hoping this video would've been about Twilight.

[thejakalsden]

@BTTFMovie that was the thought i had when i was clicking in here.

[CartoonsAndComedy]

mlm ('o') mlm FUCK THIS BOOK!!!!

[gibblers1996]

jk

[gibblers1996]

wouldnt mein konph be the weirst

[ZachSolten]

Ender's Game started with a line of dialogue. However, it was an interesting line of dialogue.

[qwiksquirrel]

@ZachSolten

Indeed.

But the book, to a large extend, revolved around those external dialogs, so opening with that made perfect sense. And it was well written.

[yourfaceninety]

This video is awesome... I'd like to see you do more like this these days, TJ. Great review.

[savannahmersola]

can't believe i just watched the whole thing... but it's so entertaining. its like a train wreck; i cant look away.

[TearsOfWar1]

@savannahmersola Now watch the whole 100 hour video of neon cat.

[ninguemvj]

Hank´s Post Office opening line is still the best.

[Iskander0027]

"Very ancient"? I thought ancient was ancient.This is incredibly fantastic...

[UrbyKris]

I think this video is ...pointless

[Nathankthanks]

Rofl, how did this get published?

[dryce]

energy release means jerking off.

[sensitivebeat]

Better than Twilight

[Deshaies7]

"Whence cometh evil bitch?" I'm gonna use that one.

[1234doawee]

somewhere the writer of this book is hanging themselves

[IvenPadilla]

I'm a terrible writer. I'd be terrified to have him review my shit. lol

[BloodSinVIII]

I always use... Maybe I should stop...

[foojuice101]

TJ, I have to disagree on you with this one. This book is not the worst book ever written. The 'Maradonia Saga' is.

[kipkayify]

@foojuice101 I've never read that series, but I heard they were beyond bad. I watched some a video with the author, and you don't get any more pompous than that. She read the synopsis of one of her books and it sounded so banal and uninteresting. And what's worse, she calls her series a saga. That is seriously one of the most overused words thanks to Twilight. I also love how in the interview, she boasts about it taking less than a year to write her story. That's nothing to be proud of XD

[ImTotallyAwesome123]

Energy must be released daily means that you have to jack off at least once a day. :3

[Ignomatus]

Talking about book called waves of atlantis. Video has an ad about dragons of atlantis

[crmags]

This is the worst novel you've ever read? You need to read more.

[disturbedking8]

@crmags Was that supposed to be an insult? Perhaps he doesn't take it upon himself to purposely read literature he doesn't find entertaining?

[crmags]

@disturbedking8 not a particularly personal insult but of all the literary crap floating out there, this one was the worst he could find. Even if he didn't purposely read them, he should have at least accidentally stumbled upon some.

[cosmicmofo]

The next bible!

[edwardLRS]

There must be a backstory behind this video, since when does TJ ever review books?

[ImJustSlime]

You are a toy, you are a childs play thing!

[AnthonyRF1996]

@ImJustSlime you are a sad, strange little man. and you have my pity. Farewell.

[ultimategoobah]

@AnthonyRF1996 xD

[leeham991]

JRR Tolkien used elipses for a pause so that's all the reason I need for disagreeing with the apparent proper use.

[Nagneto]

Classic. 

[tifforo1]

I have seen some VERY well-written games that have ellipses used to indicate a pause.

[MartinPerssonDotName]

I almost feel like reading this book after watching it just to see why he hates it so much. I watched Troll 2 only because people tolled me it was awful so why not read a book just because it is awful?

[luke666808g]

so basically what you're saying is, this author is of low spiritual consciousness, and therefore it's illegal for her to fuck anyone.

[LordCustos3]

So this book was...what...Celestine Prophecy for Retards?

[dyslexicplaid]

T.j., I would have LOVED to have you as a college professor. It's pretty bad that I had to learn what an ellipsis is off of a YouTube video, and not in English 110. Sweet fuck, that's just sad. :(

[Buddhuzlefthandman]

Your 'Kurt Cobain' look is your best look.. bring it BACK =)

[simshigh]

Also, in the beginning, when they said "Listen Pierre," they're supposed to put "Listen, Pierre," This just... just no...

[dthorpe33]

"Maxine Asher, the author of that novel, actually runs a diploma mill called American World University. She's widely considered to be a con artist. " Used those smarts in such a wicked way @raywilliamjohnson

[maynardfangirl]

Damn, I thought it would be Twilight.

[shaunclarey77]

It makes me want to read this piece of shit!

[quicksand198989]

Dude ur awesome u should read my novel

[MrRationalgaze]

I am absolutely bursting for a dump here. Seriously, it's touching the cloth.

[JxXStarManXxB]

I was really astonished by the book he focused on until I noticed this was made a bit before Twilight got so popular.

[stephaniemchanonfan]

I got so bored i fell asleep as he was reading

[ThaDanishGuy]

@stephaniemchanonfan Cool story, moron.

[stephaniemchanonfan]

@ThaDanishGuy it wasnt a story retard...

[ThaDanishGuy]

@stephaniemchanonfan I'm quite aware of the fact that it wasn't a story, just so happens that I used a "Meme" since I didn't feel the need to put more effort into replying to your braindead comment.

[stephaniemchanonfan]

@ThaDanishGuy uhm y do u care what i comment on it ddnt offend u in any way so u need to stop.

[ThaDanishGuy]

@stephaniemchanonfan You must be mentally disabled if you think that calling someone a "Retard" isn't offensive - Plus, this is the internets, stop being such a bitch.

[stephaniemchanonfan]

@ThaDanishGuy uhm im talking about u commenting to my comment in falled asleep during his reading and u offended me and that ddnt offend you, you mentally ill danish asshole

[bobwantsyourspleen]

@ThaDanishGuy HEY! my female dog finds that offensive

[salikali2]

@bobwantsyourspleen your dogs speaks, wow isnt that cool.

[dumbasffff]

@ThaDanishGuy if he was mentally disabled wouldnt he find calling someone a retard more offensive?

[ThaDanishGuy]

@dumbasffff Plausibly, I'm guessing this was directed at Stephaniemchanonfan.

[comprehensiveboy]

I buy every book with Atlantis in the title. I'm rarely disappointed. I don't believe he read it all the way through.

[gameknight102xx]

TJ, it's a bad book, but, you are arguing morality with a fiction book. Why?

[zombieemperor]

@gameknight102xx it has an undertone that he strongly disagrees with

[Pr0pagandaFilms]

No the worst novel ever is the Bible I am not a fan of fictional text I guess.

[titaniumnips]

Banana

[rodan311]

Ok whats with banana comments?

[iwanfishz9]

@rodan311

There is a Sex tape of TJ sticking a banana in his butt.and every family of trolls across the globe is here to mock him.

[deatXbyXchocolate335]

I disagree with the opening bit. It's blunt when you tell the reader everything out in the open.

[tarrizzzzzzzzz]

@deatXbyXchocolate335 does that mean you think the author should tell, not show? :S

[deatXbyXchocolate335]

@tarrizzzzzzzzz

What are you talking about?

[tarrizzzzzzzzz]

@deatXbyXchocolate335 what TJ was talking about in the video, which I thought you were critizising ...

[deatXbyXchocolate335]

@tarrizzzzzzzzz

Well, yeah.. But.. What's with the whole 'tell, not show' thing? What do you mean by that?

[tarrizzzzzzzzz]

@deatXbyXchocolate335 It means that the writer i supposed to show us the characters personality and motives, through their behaviour, the way they speak, their oppions, reactions and so forth, instead of writing "He was an intelligent man, with such and such views, But he was also an asshole at times". You're supposed to discover and realize it by yourself, which is a way more interesting read. Al though, it takes a special kind of author to get it right. :)

[BornAgainRockstar]

Dude...does this guy have palsy or something, with the rocking back and forth? LOL

[1967adayinthelife]

i couldnt go on with IT after page 867, i couldnt focus that much longer. with the werewolf thing. pennywise and whatever the hell went on with beverly

[TheOneTrueComedian]

I'm reading It also, that book is long as hell. :)

[clyneandras]

While you were reading parts of the dialog from that book, I threw up a little bit.

Also, Stephen King for the win!

[saretardedfilms]

8:31 TJ's subtle, well-spoken way of informing the audience that the author is a girl.

[Ioganstone]

@saretardedfilms whence comith evil bitch!

[saretardedfilms]

@Ioganstone Oh, fuck you.

[TheKnoxvicious]

Awww, and I was hoping you were going to talk about Twilight :(

[ZombiePlz]

"Evil" is the lack of "good"?

Just saying; even though I am on your side. :P

[Samuslovr1]

lol that story sounded so much like fanfic

[gradsssara]

my friend sucks ass at writing and her intro was 10 times better then this piece of shit.

[EDDlEMEDUZA]

crystalinks (dot) com (slash) atlantisasher (dot) html

That is the writer!

[CouchPotato343]

Energy must be released, hahahahaha.

[CouchPotato343]

Rule 10, we have to be alone once a day, giggity!

[Brala42]

And this is when I subscribed (2)

[spitfiremanlizerd]

and this is when i subscribed.

[Bakmoon]

Wait. What did I just watch?

[BrotherhoodOfTheDead]

My brother is an English major and he said that ellipsis can be used to denote pauses :P

[Kibonsensei]

@BrotherhoodOfTheDead

Yeah, TJ was talking out his ass there using 19th-century rules... especially the part about the space, that wad the rule for when typewriters couldn't make enough room between the characters.

Good points on a lot of the other bits though.

[SemperFidelis0229]

I think a very poor novel was Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.

[billymayer1000]

is that a hitler stache?

[Flopper01Gaming]

I think you just increased my IQ.

[nokturnal5647]

Hell yeah! IT is a fucking amazing book.

[McSqueaky]

"Whence commeth evil, bitch?"

[JavaSpitLava]

that...is some awesome, inspiring art work behind you....gives me ideas!!!

[SwarthySkinnedOne]

Well...inspite of the alledge hack writing the book contains, there'll always be xmas in December. I know, precious small consolation there. Perhaps the writer is more interested in the size of the bankroll from sales than in attaining Pulitzer Prize acclaim; and that's grown to be more of the name of the game now than ever in making a quick buck with pen applied to paper. I heard it's mediocrity that sells, not quality. So scathing criticism here may as well be deemed as completely pointless.

[dcorps]

why did you buy this?

[LadyRyuga]

I thought I was bad...I can write....but I'm not that bad...worst with me is grammar errors. xD

[MagusMistake]

Using mind control isn't a special ability if you work in advertising. XD

[RsPro911]

ffail author much.

[ajb7811]

3:20 that sounds more like a dash

[RectalDiscourse]

I feel like I should watch this with a bottle of Jack Daniels and take a shot every time he says "Spiritual consciousness"

[6EELZE6U6666]

love your videos TJ, but I regret to inform you that an ellipsis... can actually be used to show a pause in speech.

[BatOtaku13]

how pathetic is it that one of my best friends and I actually read this book because of this video?

my god, this book. its somehow even worse than amazing atheist described it as.

[nrvrine427]

@BatOtaku13 I hope you didn't fuckin buy it and create profit for the dumbass author

[DrFizz28]

yay for It!

[KrfNYC2]

"This is real great shit, huh?"

[reallybigd]

First video I've seen by you, and I have to say, you are a very intelligent, honest, and hilarious person. I'll be sure to check out your other videos, but I must say; Thinner is arguably Stephen King's best story. Gypsy CURSES

[GodKiller97]

Sounds like it was written by a fucking eight year old

[bakersk8r41]

You want the worst novel read a brett keane "novel".

[Blivia]

You make some good points, and the book does sound pretty bad- But I just find you too annoying to watch. >.>, I don't find you funny, your points once in a while catch as interesting, but that interest is lost when you jump over the top, and you seem too serious while your at it.

I guess I just don't like your style, but that gives me no right to disrespect you.

[procritic09]

@Blivia I respect your opinion.

[DarkRising022]

hate to break it to you because you make such a good point but... An ellipsis can also be used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought, or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence. so it can be used for a break, but ye other then that good point

[lebronjamesXD]

i like how he reads it like a first grader :P make it sound even wrose.

[TheAndiePerson]

The Joker looked on from the background as if to say "See? It's all bullshit. It's all just trying to make order out of chaos, and we all know that can't be done!" As TJ read the horrible, bland novel he made more and more sense of why the author's supposed, and imposed, religion made no sense at all. With a fine example of literature from Stephen King's "It" fresh in my mind it was easy to be swayed and convinced of the pure bullshit attempt at writing this author had given, and bullshit it was

[deadbabyfromspace]

Scary idea: what if people with"low spritual conscientiousness" are gay or black :o

[ROBLOXingHabbo]

@deadbabyfromspace

Alright then, you're a homophobe and a racist.

[MartinPerssonDotName]

Hehe, if you google "The Waves of Atlantis" this video is number 4 =)

[hammerogod]

"Under the Dome" is King's best novel.

And the worst novel ever written is "Sail" by James Patterson.

Isn't it great that we can make up our own minds and cater to our own tastes?

[glennjridge]

am I the only one to think ironically stephen kings best books are the ones that arent horror? I think his horror stuff is remarkbly chliche. yet books like the shaw shank redemption are fantastic almost genuis.

[hammerogod]

@glennjridge

Thumbs up.

[marilynknotborgir]

where is the thumbs up system.

[hxzxxl]

@marilynknotborgir it's absent.. i'm assuming to avoid thumbs up whores from whoring themselves out for thumbs upsssses.. :p

[exodus9001]

Hm. Well I must be a teenage girl then, since I use the dots all the time for pauses.

[unamaxify]

so how do you show a pause with punctuations ?

[Altair122122332345]

The last rules means go to the bathroom

[DodsonHere]

Fucking brutal.

[OldaurGold]

Best line ever: Rule #2 God is the source of all power regardless...

Ironically, the person talking is an atheist and the line has to do with God.

[zypno]

@OldaurGold Derp

[TearsOfWar1]

This author needs to do the world a favor and die. I am not joking at all, I am being serious.

[TearsOfWar1]

That aspect ratio took about 50 pounds off of TJ XD

[TheRorschachian]

The hell? If you can only have sex with people of high spiritual consciousness, then when the FUCK does sex ever happen if the other person is always of low consciousness?

[markersandtea]

It might be an awful book but it's worth about 48 dollars +

[hansel73]

@markersandtea Really?!?

[G0ldstonE]

@hansel73 he does...

[hansel73]

Atheist . . . you need a girlfriend.

[youtubian2500]

@hansel73 he has a girlfriend. -.-

[jacci08]

@hansel73 He has....

[VoodooTheGhost]

Sounds like #12 is about mastubation.

[TearsOfWar1]

You should write a book about how awful this book is. 

[TearsOfWar1]

Holy shit, TJ just called me his friend! O_O

[youtubian2500]

How did he even find that book?

*At the library*

- Let's see...

- 'Crap fiction influenced by religion', the Bible, the Koran... The Waves of Atlantis? *grabby grab*

[666unknowndevil666]

@youtubian2500 I know right? I went to a Barnes and Nobles and I asked the guy there if they had this book so I could see it for myself and they didn't have it.

[MennacetoSociety]

WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS BOOK DX

[niccilomachiaveli]

IT'S.... worse then twilight, wow. you sir are winrar.

[zsofinyecz]

According to wikipedia: "An ellipsis can also be used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought, . . . When placed at the end of a sentence, . . . then there are three dots, each separated by a space, followed by the final punctuation.

[TheArcadianFlame]

that book is worst than the crap I wrote in my early high school years

[Wildebeest2008]

TAA you are entertaining and usually logically correct but sometimes you 'pwning' someone reminds me of someone beating on a cripple.

[LCxCZ]

@Wildebeest2008 Beating a cripple is fun! =D

Joking aside, TJ's pwning is great and entertaining. You think the author of this novel does not deserve the shit he's got?

[funkbrother216]

I could have pissed a better opening in the snow!

[Salt0fTheEarth]

It can't be as bad as the Eye of Argon

[DOBBSA87]

Snicker? It's 'snigger', surely? Is that just a pronunciation quirk or is it actually a spelling mistake?

[veronicachic]

@DOBBSA87 It`s snicker.

[DOBBSA87]

@veronicachic Snickers = confectionery treat. When referring to a sly laugh, the word is snigger. :)

[veronicachic]

@DOBBSA87 actually I just looked it up. there are two versions; snicker AND snigger. so either or is correct.

[sunset261]

seems like it makes about as much sense as twilight. Stephanie Meyer often uses words incorrectly. Like when both bella and her dad are silent stephanie meyer writes, "neither of us were particularly verbose."

[sunset261]

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" Now THAT'S how you open a novel.

[eddievanhalenndslash]

i thought elipses were used to show times passed

dammit

[whjq]

@eddievanhalenndslash

You obviously don't know anything about grammar anyway, so why bother?

[eddievanhalenndslash]

@whjq  that's a bit uncalled for

[techfighterminal]

rule number 12 speaks of masturbation (Dot Dot Dot)

[omnilateral]

thank you for clarifying the elipses... I have a bad habit of doing that..... as you can tell.... LoLz..... I'll keep that in mind from now on. Thank you. ;)

ps. not being a smart ass either. thanks.

[hillbillyjim2010]

@th3vampan3z3l0rd, ya but this is a professional writer, fan fic is allowed to be shit because for the most part its just dumbasses who think they can write

[th3vampan3z3l0rd]

Feh, it may be bad, but it's better than a lot of fanfiction out there. read the "my immortal" harry potter fanfic and then you try and tell me any book is bad.

[VillainsVindication]

@th3vampan3z3l0rd there's a huge difference in writing for fun and being PAID to write

[MomoTheBellyDancer]

Two hyphens is a valid way to represent an em-dash. THREE hyphens, on the other hand, are just silly.

But if you really hate this novel so much, wait till you read one of mine. You'll never recover.

[AskALibbieist]

But I do agree that the em dashes should be of the same length. Basically, this kind of frustration and rage is what you get for reading self-published books. Next time, buy one that was traditionally published, either from a big house or from an independent small press, and you should run into less crap.