Demetri Martin - Jokes

[heatbucspies55]

There aren't a lot of comedians who have their audience cracking up as much as he does.

I went to his show liek a year ago, and my jaw literally hurt.

[cfromcass]

What happened to the full episode of Note Pad Jokes?

[DeathnoteBB]

I don't get the football pain your chest joke...

[DeathnoteBB]

1:08 like my favorite of all of his jokes

[12345funkymonkey]

i am so glad more than just i believe that Demetri is the best comedian ever. we have intelligent people in the world!

[DeathnoteBB]

@12345funkymonkey What about George Carlin?

[12345funkymonkey]

@DeathnoteBB never herd of him

[DeathnoteBB]

@12345funkymonkey youtube search him, he's awesome

[12345funkymonkey]

@DeathnoteBB true hes awesome and i agree with his stuff but Demetri is more clever with the jokes and funnier to me.

[DeathnoteBB]

@12345funkymonkey Yeah, I'd say he's more clever, too, but personally I love them both as comedians :)

[devinrosswood]

@12345funkymonkey Nor learned how to spell 'heard' either it seems.

[nintendo917]

I just love how he thinks outside the box

[tokyocraze]

@pablomon3 Amen dude! There are some smart people left around here. But very few.

[CannabisSativa713]

whats the second half from?

[theresabogart213]

fuck, i just peed my pants lol

[tokyocraze]

@BigDaddyDave42020 , Demetri Martin is a comic genius and one of the greatest stand up comedians ever. Perhaps he is too original and to intelligent for you. You don't get him because you don't have the intellect to appreciate the level of his greatness. You are an ignoramus and it's really sad. You're missing out.

[mistamikey123455]

@tokyocraze Hey, look at that! someone with a DIFFERENT opinion than you..

[TonyFury420]

orale este cabron se la rifa eh!

[perdew129]

@ Pabloman3 I totally agree! It's a shame that his humor isn't widely accepted, or even understood, for that matter!

[TheOfficialOC]

Love him, smart humor

[GuitarShreder1000]

hahaha. thats narley shit. there needs to be a vid though

[BigDaddyDave42020]

This guy is not even funny he sucks soooooo fucking bad at stand up and his show was even worse hense y he only had a couple seasons

[pablomon3]

@BigDaddyDave42020 lol he has a very profound sense of humor. it's intelligent and makes you think. i suppose you're used to family guy, fart jokes, and cavemen banging coconuts on each others' heads. its not his fault most people in the world, including you, dont have a tasteful sense of humor

[goyankeesandgh]

17 people don't have leather sleeves

[20PK20]

what/where is this show so i can find the video? I want to see the material enhancers haha

[theGzeusprepuce]

I like his Hedberg logic style comedy

[catchitkillitcookit]

Just... poor british humour is way better than shit pile of dog shit stupid twitter link setn me to this crap

[minecreafter6789]

@catchitkillitcookit go fuck yourself this is funnyer than anything out there

[catchitkillitcookit]

@minecreafter6789 I'll list just a few people who are 10x more funny than him. Lee Evens, Peter Kay, Frankie Boyle, Bill Bailey, Rufus hound, Russel Howward, alan car, Jimmy Car, Jack Dee, Alan Davis, Ricky gervais Hugh Dennis Omid Djalili Andy parsons Jack whitehall Noel Fielding Michael McIntyre Richard Ayoade. To list just some of the British Comedians that still performed not including some of the best Classic Comedians. American Humour is almost like childrens Jokes.

[minecreafter6789]

@catchitkillitcookit oh ya then why did you look dimitri martan up if you dont like him? hmmmm

[catchitkillitcookit]

@minecreafter6789 Twitter link can't remember who some gamer or w/e said this guy was funny, but nope he isnt.

[tdotK1D]

yeaaaaah... not that funny :l

[AdamScadAdam]

This is EXACTLY why American humor is looked down on by the rest of the world...its so obvious and basic!

[Pyromaniac8971]

@AdamScadAdam there is great american humour (see joss whedon's Firefly) and relatively untactful british humour as well.

[AdamScadAdam]

@Pyromaniac8971 Yeah I agree... each to their own. Prime example of shitty British humor is Ricky Gervias! I'll give Whedon a look

[applegiant11]

@AdamScadAdam I didnt know the world paid attention to our comedy.....I never paid attention to europe or africas comedy...

[AdamScadAdam]

@applegiant11 Well that just displays an ignorant and uncultured personality...nothing to be proud of!

[CH3BURASHKA]

@AdamScadAdam He's the only American comedian that does this; it's his shtick. Maybe do a bit of research next time so as not to seem so ignorant.

[AdamScadAdam]

@CH3BURASHKA The thing is I'm heavily into comedy, I've seen thousands of comedians and sketches from across the world through sites such as YouTube. But this video was a kind of 'cherry on top' for the low level of American comedy. I've done research, trust me..and therefore am sorry for sounding ignorant! 

[Themacecomplex]

turn on the closed captioning for this video its flipping hilarious

[kewlpegs]

it kinda sucks without the video....video enhancers of no effect

[rockingfarmboy]

material enhancers dont work as well with just audio :(

[thetarnishedsoviet]

@bgreen97 There's no accountaing for taste :-P

[bazoil007]

really good :)



[DanManThePurple]

It's hilarious when he says a fly got in the kitchen, and some lady goes "Ohh".

2:26

[moocher2121]

yo man, you can't do material enhancers without showing them! doesn't work. bad ninja.

[Caseytehspacey93]

This would be so much better with videos lol

[ramadanaffan]

um you should stop doing ICP videos and just keep doin demetri martin stuff

[tony77586]

this guy has some great philosophies on life

[chuntusmac]

@tony77586 yes he does

[TheShlee325]

Why put a video up that's only funny to see what he's doing with nooooo picture?....

[thebigbib]

What is a juggalo? A person with no taste in media whatsoever, except this one likes a good comedian for some reason.

Oh, and btw, how do magnets work?

[metallica1123456]

@thebigbib Magnets work because they are made from metal thats been mined from the earth. Theyre magnetic because they still have pieces of gravity in them

[Nardril]

no material enhancers :(

[123legodude]

his picture is evil. no matter which way i move he still looks at me........creepy (hahaha)

[zeeslag123]

I think that's how the theme song to spiderman was written: bananananananana bananananananana

[skimh]

I hear a big Mitch Hedberg influence here.

[mattcarltonn]

juggaJOKES you stupid wicked douchebags

[mattcarltonn]

juggaJOKES you stupid wicked douchebags

[1thisismyaccountname]

icp is for faggots



[ckboy05]

don't dislike it jus because your to slow to comprehend the jokes

[dreaminsleepin]

... why is one of the top comments containing the word hella? that has to be the gayest word ever created. Demetri Martin is the most quotable comic in the world

[shimmerspear]

did demetri release any new albums after "These Are Jokes"

[GHeroandRScape]

Rob Halford Cool + No Leather sleeves = still fucking awesome

[Theinsanemoose]

Yes, the "material enhancers" are hilarious...when you can see them.

[fr0zenhound]

It sucks... "here are some visual aids"

[whatnowsnoop]

Yeah it needs video.

[GrImR3aP3r916]

this audio needs video with it :\

[JoBoHD]

Demetri martin is an elegant example of a hipster and a pedophile :D

[SlipknotKnowItAll]

8 poeple dont have leather sleeves



[MrArnas25]

3 people don't understand comedy 3 is a 8 with less Pizzaz

[lammas]

Back seat driver joke is ripped off Mitch Hedberg. What's the stand-up etiquette in cases like this? is it ok to use other people's jokes?

[MrAwfulFalafel]

@lammas It wasn't ripped off word for word. That would be stealing. Demetri had the same concept but he added his own flair and worded it differently. If anything it was a nice homage/tribute to Mr. Hedberg.

[ForgottenChiller]

at 4.50 you really wish you had the video footage from this show

[SixtehNien]

@ForgottenChiller No I don't. He's funny with and without visuals.

[ForgottenChiller]

@SixtehNien yeah but... Ah you dont get what im sayin anyways! XP

[alexhamster1134]

laffter ruinz it.

[MrCollinshow]

Demetri Martin is the funniest comedian ever to live.

[88retrac]

similar rhythm to Mitch Hedberg. Love both guys.

[jakerazz]

pants, uh oh

bathing suit, ok

nothing, we'll see lol

[Gimme2breaks]

3 people don't understand English.

[CBPCorps]

At the cactus joke it took the audience a bit to get it.

LOL.

[ItsBland]

Heres some...

comedians (dot) jokes.com/demetri-martin/video­s/demetri-martin---material-en­hancers

[ItsBland]

This is off Comedy Central. He did a special. Trying to find it... Its on my iPod.

[suppusan1]

AWWW i wish there was video :(

[kevintothe11]

Stop commenting saying 3 people arent this and 3 people aren't that. Just watch the video and chill.

[TehLazerBean]

@kevintothe11

3 people disliked this video

[mangodoofus]

is this from his show or from a stand up thing? wats it called thanks

[googleboy314]

Love him, but he says the same jokes over and over.

[niallt2k8]

When does he do the DreamCatcher joke? Which show was it in?

[mrjackwhite49]

@niallt2k8 It's on his C.D. "These are Jokes"

[27Lechmann]

3 people were persuaded by drunk back seat drivers?

[hjstuckey]

3 people are too stupid to get Demetri Martin

[jayfiver]

JETS?

[TechKickers]

Looks like 3 people were piñatas for Halloween

[U2fan24]

Demetri rocks! This was awesome.

[Awesomekiwikid]

Yes.

[baw1369]

glad to see another one of the fam likes demetri WHOOP WHOOP

[FuckBieber]

I LOVE HIIIMMMMM

[orange3543]

i wanna marry this guy he is my life

[Sunshineisinsane]

A hawk becomes.... a double hawk!

[FireMasterYang]

Everybody goes through the "Dane Cook" phase xD just a phase. You think hes original, and by the time you see "Good Luck Chuck"....

wtf?...

GRAPEFRUIT?!...

Hes a poserr~

</3

Hes unoriginal :/

Dimitri Martin comes with this shit on the fly, without narcotics...

or atleast im pretty sure XD

DIMITRI MARTIN = <3333

[WindiaxHeroes]

Way to not show the enhancers. I didn't connect with the jokes visually because of you...

[secfan38]

Jets ?

[newfytiger]

i love how he takes things in the most diffrent random ways and compares stuff so diffrently its so hilarious

[Useurbandage15]

first

[milchana]

Happy Birthday Jesus!!

[SK3RO]

funny, i looked up demetri , then i saw icp in your text, and im a juggalo haha

[LongWindedUsername]

Juggalo's are pieces of shit wiggers with no lives.

[zailin1957]

Haha Demetri Martin is awesome.

Dane cooks good too. (<-- two o's in every word. o.0))

[DisportMusic]

Its funny you say that considering Dane Cook has shamelessly stolen Demetri Martins jokes before. He has also stole jokes from countless other comedians.

I hate Dane Cook he is over rated and not really funny. Also he runs around on stage like an idiot on speed.

Demetri on the other hand is genuinely talented.

Do a search for 'Dane cook steals demetri martins jokes' There are videos on youtube tha will show the stolen routines several years after Demetri did it originally.

[Miradart]

@DisportMusic No kidding! Dane Cook is like Dmitri Martin if he were on on meth. The only problem is that he doesn't use Dmitri's best stuff.

If anyone thinks that Dane Cook is funny, try watching his video while facing the wall opposite the wall to the TV. He really isn't that funny. He just struts around and strikes poses while telling jokes.

[TheDisturbedslayer]

5:00, wish i could see it.

[wheredidhuntergo]

i didnt know he was a ventriloquist???

[Eric2Javelin]

@wheredidhuntergo You can never be sure with Demetri, he self-teaches alot of cool stuff.

[ebeatworld]

This guy really won me over

[Jared8Randall]

He's just staring at me

[payton9696]

Happy Birthday Jesusss... gotta use that one. lol

[jhaketheturtle]

JETS?

[Scorpio8726]

lol he's funny

MCL

[rippenjoe]

babatteries

[MyMomStoleUrLunch]

Donkey with some Pizzaz! <3

[alpacallamas]

@MyMomStoleUrLunch Let's kick his ass! (Just don't make the same costume mistake as I did)

[Robopiglet]

@MyMomStoleUrLunch lets kick his ass.

[CarniCarnage]

This guy is hella funny.Thanks for posting this,family.  MCL

[JjBinks09]

i luv this guy!!!!!

[KatsavesAnimals]

i luvs Demetri Martin. and Dane Cook.

[ineedalifeLTD]

PostOffice6 ha ur really that lonely u flame on other videos for a response , well here u go kid

[b0bm3rley]

@ineedalifeLTD, lol, his parents dont love him

[ineedalifeLTD]

yup

[ElPhillipo]

hahaha..."I Own Leather Sleeves" =P

[RectalDiscourse]

these are jokes

[RectalDiscourse]

yes feces

[gotXtheXmunchies]

that's the title of his album, dumbass.

it's called "These are Jokes"

[TheDestiny303]

this is greattt

[TheDestiny303]

lol

[nitemaric]

lol

[zeldafreak9943]

wow im less nurturing than a desert. (ladies thats not true*he had a big pad and thats what it said*)

[DaTacoSauce]

LMAO HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[clark0660]

Hahaha should i be swimming faster? Or am i getting laid?

[mac1136]

And a hawk becomes, a double hawk. HAHAHAHA

[ICPDarkLotus18]

LOL!

[imstillwaitin]

jahahahahha theres a donkey with pizaz, lets kick his ass