How to plant a church

[jbmanning]

Our churches are dying and spoofs like this that criticize people helping the Church to move do no good for the mission. We are in serious trouble, people. Serious trouble.

[davindia08]

very true... and you can perceive 'christian' manipulation seeping thro' these organisations & churches!

[Discerningthetruth]

He is speaking of planting a "religious organization"!! The "church" cannot be planted as it is already alive in Christ & growing!!! Hallelujah,,thank You JESUS!!! We must BE the "church" & stop hanging out in buildings that are institutions of man-centered, cash funded, hypocritical .... well , you get the picture!! ;-)

[mimamagyar]

your church is relevantand fun... unlike the crummy church they used to attend... someone had fun thinking up these lines!! : )

[enhabit77]

haha too bad this is the total opposite way of how to plant a church...do not plant a church this way.

[paulfbest]

@enhabit77

apparently you mujst be *christian*,,you did not GET the video,,its a spoof on EXACTLY whats happening with so called christianity TODAY, NOW,,All churches (Joel's might be somewhat exception) are fake, false. They destroy lives. God is slowing judgeing this false church and the few who escape are His Few Faithful

I've been around 30 yrs,,seen it all,

A Living faith in Jesus is rare now a days.

Religion will not save in these last days.

[0b]

the holy spirit only moves in dotted eighth notes. XD

[CheetoBronze]

where's the goatee that each contemporary pastor or worship leader must have. A hidden tattoo on the upper right arm that shows itself every 6th week is also a great idea to bring authenticity to your life.

[thesacredcowtipper]

@CheetoBronze LOL.

that's good

[mesmith26]

You may want to also consider investing in a MAC so you can get IMovie to create sweet trailers and montage

[0b]

That's right, dotted eighth note delays are SUPER important. XD

[RedemptionsAnthem]

@0b hahahaha thank you U2 and Hillsong haha

[Xeiim1]

"Keyboard worship leaders can no longer be used by God." HAHAHAHA!!! Wow, too funny.

[jessehagy]

This is a step by step guide on how to make your church plant fail.

[ryanthecalvinist]

it's only funny because it is true. 

[Churchnote]

If you don't have the hair, you have to go bald headed with the go-tee. And then preach from exponential missional reproducing manual from the emergent authors of the relevant church. I had thought I had seen it all.

[Tremari0]

this was so hilarious to me!!! as a kid, my parents took me to a newly planted church...it could have been the very one this guy was talking about! :D

[1plus1b2]

Excellent resource... especially the "piles of cash" part! If someone had only told me almost 30 years ago now to get piles of cash, things would definitely be different...

[hcmontessori]

This is too funny! But so true! So many people lose sight of what church should be and instead, focus on the daily minutia and hype. This is so sadly true in most churches today. I have to admit, I'm drawn to churches with full bands & good singing, but I would like to find one that focuses on the teachings of Christ & convicts my spirit. A church that has those two things together? It's been a tough to find something like that.

[05delirious]

@hcmontessori I totally agree.. with everything you just said! Right on.

[Julzx]

i am moved by the dotted eighth note spirit.

[philWynk]

I dunno, I saw God move once with the worship leader playing dotted quarter notes ... probably He was making it easy for some of the older folks.

[pastor0aggie]

Wow, I'm in the process of planting a Church right now, a little afraid of how true this is!

[joroschmo]

It's scary how true this is.

[jesusfreak59]

@joroschmo I know, right!? ohhhh man...

[MsTornado3]

hahaha!!! OMGosh!! this is so funny yet so sad that some may actually be this way..

[pinoybboy2004]

"Relaxed, Relevant, and Fun"

Soooo true! Haha.

[mjsummers49]

Wow! I'm a stereotype!

[masteroftheobvious86]

Hahaha, this is brilliant

[jlct3]

hah im with you james this was hilarious!

[thebridgehs]

All you all need to lighten up. It is funny. I am a church planter and I am laughing my rear off! Sometimes you just need a good dose of humor, stop taking yourself so seriously and get out there and reach people!

[cigardawg]

@thebridgehs

Physician, heal thyself! How can you be reaching people if you're watching youtube and responding to other postings on a Saturday afternoon?

It's nice to see you're following the seeker-sensitive planter: Denigrate any criticism or questioning of your methods by telling them they aren't "reaching people" with their petty concerns over doctrine and proper Biblical exegesis and teaching. After all, your success is defined solely by the number of butts in the seats, right?

[Chairchuckee]

@cigardawg Dear Mr Dawg,

...huh? I don't understand the significance of Sunday afternoon that makes it impossible for anyone to ever reach anyone if they ever watch Youtube during that time period.

All that aside, however, I'm not sure who Mr Bridgehs is responding to, as more or less all the comments below seem to be in furious agreement with him as to the humour in this little clip.

[RJFerreiro]

@cigardawg Don't hurt yourself, there. Here, have a Valium.

[cigardawg]

@RJFerreiro

Thanks, but you're a little late to the party aren't you? I'm already  off of condemning self-righteous church planters and on to the self-righteous snarky youtube respondents.

[RJFerreiro]

@cigardawg Condemning yourself, then?

[Godpleaser77]

Nice, living in the Detroit area; we already have too many of these! I am looking for a Real Body of Christ! Just incase someone reads this and can show me one!

[amandamorin1]

hmm, sounds like someone has an ax to grind

[blandccastagno]

if you replace giving away a car with getting wasted, you get the makings of a art exhibit opening.

[WitherWing59]

Wait -- he forgot trying to force in current Top40 and/or indie rock songs into the service.

[bdpweb]

My church launched eight weeks ago. Holy cow, I don't know if I'm dying of laughter or conviction. Ha!

[CheetoBronze]

yes! and the little goatee patch underneath the bottom lip, slightly arrogant teaching style, with emphatic pronunciations where they don't belong. But the goatee patch is a must. Also the hidden tattoo that shows itself on the arm every once in a while. He followed the lead from the worship pastor.

[ahosch]

You forgot at least $150,000.00 of a/v equipment.

[geoffpot]

@ahosch naw you start it out with your home stereo and a wal-mart mic, the 150,000 in a/v equipment comes after your first fund-raiser :)

[ahosch]

@geoffpot exactly

[epikosmke]

This was funny and convicting at the same time!

[thirdstreetmusic]

awesome, thanks

[1lebero]

So sad but so true....

[RevJeffreyNE]

Yes... the hipster glasses, the cup of tea.. (Latte's are so 2000's) and absolutely you must have the fuzzy patch on the face

[AisForAutism]

ha!

[lgfarlow]

He also left out the strategic use of funky patches of facial hair.

[musclecasper]

They forgot the unnecessary scarf that all worship leaders wear today as well. LOL

[nuggieman]

"the holy spirit only moves in dotted 8th note delay" haha

This is so wrong, but its damn funny

[deurty]

"Since the Reformation God has only used men to lead worship."

"That Jobe chic."

"You don't want to incur the wrath of Piper so just stick with a man for worship leader."

Love it!

[w84harpazo1]

What?! no hipster glasses? No culturally relevant church planter is without the black framed lenses. He also forgot about the usage of words ending in "al," that is truly imperative!