My day Where I Didn't Get Punched In the face....before 6 pm

[emogirlrocks131]

HE HIT ME! SHE HIT ME FIRST! not gunna work in third grade not gunna work on the lapd"XD

[78misfitz45]

For getting in trouble with the cops a lot.

He calls them a LOT.

xD

[CazexXSMTCXx1]

Can't help but laugh wen it reached 3:42

[gamerdude7100]

Arcadefox did the best job on his animation based on this, even titus agrees

[timbodaclown]

what show is this from

[raeuch]

@timbodaclown Norman Rockwell is Bleeding

[Armygrl159]

she had a 180 I.Q... oh wait, mom had an 180 I.Q XD

[Metalthrasherz]

Haha this dude is hilarious, always makes me laugh.

[kennycupcake16]

does anyone get the feeling that this guy is kinda like Rorschach from Watchmen?

[timwrestler]

@kennycupcake16 yeah just a little funnier

[vampian420]

its, its bookcase... as in, book?:3 i love that part:)

[The09animal]

this was whit eran or whit the jew wan

[The4EverYoung85]

@The09animal This was when he went with the Jewish girl who always punched him in the face. Erin started out good, but became bad when they got married.

[The09animal]

@The4EverYoung85  thanks man

[coyote7272]

hello? hi this is christopher titus this is a domestic- let me just talk to Rick

[ChaosBlaziken2]

this is hilarious.

[author0raivin]

This son of a bitch hit me! She hit me first! Which didn't work in the third grade, NOT gonna work on the LAPD. lmao

[rdevil666]

@luffylvr676 oh, pretty fair relationship then :p

[luffylvr676]

@rdevil666 lol, totally ;)

[rdevil666]

@luffylvr676 no no, he means if you hit him 5 times he has permission to hit back xD

[AlanHollow]

"And like a real man, I locked myself in the bathroom."

[Thevampman24]

Dinerser Head!!!

[cshgeo]

The Fifth Annual End of The World Tour (2007) Comedy Central Records

[badflamer]

@cshgeo i hope you don't mean that that was when this was taped

[fecklehen]

he's superb!

[Kooly1]

Hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa... Heyyyyyyyy. You guys work this out.... we don't want to have to come back here. *Chik chik* lol

[Kuze86]

Great Show, i enjoy it :D

[SurefireEvil]

Ill wait for you guys in the car.

thats fuckin great!!!

[CalebTheGatekeeper]

so i smacked her, open handed and i regret it, cause it wasn't as hard as i could have man.

[UpRoaryus]

Oh, Titus, I am in LOVE!....

Laughter cures- especially when it makes you feel like you aren't alone in even the weirdest shit...

[sk8er1gurl]

OMG hes like a legend!the vary best eva!

[PenthusProductions]

I swear, I hit her! lmao

[BackyardJedi219]

She had a 180 IQ

o wait mom had a 180 IQ

Oh God

[cbishop1782]

3:39 lmao

[pink3puppy]

"i smacked her..open handed....and i regret it :( ....becase it wasent as hard as i culd have >:(

[dk5388]

i agree no man should EVER!!!...hit a woman, until the 5th time she cracked him in the face lol that was great

[ModernxSamuraixKiyo]

lmao at the end

this guy's amazing...

[logan00721]

hes the funnyest comic ever

[AkaneByakuya]

ROFLOL THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!

[Dareman15]

"My god it was a fucking nightmare"

[Nealeagle]

this guy is crazy. I don't mean "omg he's crazy!" I mean "we the jury find the defendant." lol. however..... it's like he knows my family.....

[hellhound124]

it's like he knows my family.....

I know the feeling.

[shubiedooby]

Hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa....heeeeeeeeey. Now you guys work this out. We don't wanna have to come back

Hahaha

[mlawren7]

There's often a fine line between a raving lunatic and a stand-up comedian. I'm not sure which this is.

[Kuzkula]

It is pure awesome. Simple as that.

[FirstClassHeel]

It's both. That's why it's funny.

[gringo335]

you cant make shit this bizarre up...lol thats what makes it really funny

[MrMackeyMmmkay]

He's a funny psycho. It's good to have a change of pace once in a while and he's not like other comedians. He and Demetri Martin are just different and so funny.

[mostgnarlydude]

he has such impacking delivery....he is one great comedian...prolly the best like ever!

[mostgnarlydude]

i think a man should never hit a woman...until the fifth time she cracks him in the face....cuz i smacked her...open handed...and i regret it...cuz it wasnt as hard as i could oh man i.....this is seriously the funniest thing i have ever heard!!!!!!

[ZoloTheSwordsMan]

the only type of woman that will report being hit by a man is a girly girl or a pissed off tomboy because a regular tomboy wont care she'll fight back i know i am a tomboy

[Applemask]

Cos I don't take any shihaahahahahaha

[DeStY69]

it its a bookcase........ book

[LEONA15512]

...hold her at bey, whatever the hell that means,...

[HPslash]

hahahahahaha

"I'm 6'2,I'm blonde,I'm wearing white,and I realize...I'm a very pretty man... So I made some new friends..." favourite quote ever XD loool

[jthecarpenter]

not hitting a woman, on the pure basis that she is a woman, just goes against their hole equal rights movement. lol

[6shatter6chandelier6]

I agree with you, and I am a woman.

[afropuffjake]

THANK YOU!! :D

[Megadeth36176]

I agree to and Im a woman too.

[vanillabear23]

i think if a woman seriously hits me and hurts me i should have the right to hit her.

[MxBri]

Meh, I'm a chick, and I never understand that whole "you can't hit a girl" bullcrap. Girls fight dirty these days, and if someone hits you it's your right to hit them back, regardless of gender.

Titus is hilarious.

[AoshiFan]

Totally agree with you!

[andrewsaswom]

no just let me talk to rick

[chopperhead2011]

That's funny as hell!!!

It is wrong to hit a girl, even if she hits you first. Just block her blows, let her go to town if she wants, just block them all. Unless she grabs the 30 ought 6, then it's different...

[Alexisxoxlove]

LMAO "I'm 6'2,I'm blonde,I'm wearing white,and I realize...I'm a very pretty man" The ending was funny, LOL just killed me

[Lycan4]

When the geograhpy changed, my God, it was a FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!

[AsenkaEngel]

Chris Titus rocks!

By the way, I think it is wrong to hit a girl, unless you know, she hits you first. Then everything changes, same if a guy hits a girl first. Anyway, Titus is awesome...

[ChrisRedfield267]

XD When Chris is groping himself he looks like some kind of uke jail bait.

[iAnothony]

lol! And while I'm probably the only other that knows what "uke" means, I totally agree. It was... perfect like that. I love that comment, dude, way to think ahead~!

[Megadeth36176]

I agree. All the way.

[88lxnotch]

If a woman wants to act like a man, then she better expect to be treated like one..... What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes.....Nothing you already told the bitch twice hehe

[Megadeth36176]

hahahahahaha

[icadagoon]

I understand what your trying to say, but most man are a lot stronger then women. Thats why I feel a man should never hit a women. Of course there are exceptions, like if your wife/GF has a gun and is going to blow your brains out. Thats a different story.

[3foxstangs]

you don't have to hit a woman......but what you do is wait outside the house for her to come out and then SPRAY HER WITH THE HOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know it doesn't sound all that great but do it in January when she is on her way to work and see how well it goes over.

[AnonymousNovelist]

i &♥ christopher titus

he is MAD funny

[simsgirlgem]

hey woah hey woah

[wolfwoman357]

....and I realize I'm a very pretty man" The end made me LMAO

[jumpinjax2]

Lemme talk to Rick :)

[BleedMaizeandBlue]

"I don't think a man should EVER hit a woman ...... until the fifth time she's cracked him in the face!!!" Titus is absolutely hilarious!! He's great on Big Shots!!

[BleedMaizeandBlue]

"I don't think a man should EVER hit a woman ......... until the fifth time she's cracked him in the face!!" lol. Titus is da man when it comes to comedy!

[pregler1234]

HEY WHOW HEY WHOW HEY WHOW HEY. WHOW. Hey. whow.

[moparchicky11]

SHe was moving to LA and i went there with her. The relationship went through some geography change. Oh my god it was a freakin nightmare.

[EminemFan117]

I HIT HER! I SWEAR TO GOD I HIT HER!

[corinneiscool]

i sware i can hardly breath right now, the ending was the fucking best ever;D i'm gonna cry

[corinneiscool]

and i smacked her.. open handed.. and i regret it, because it wasn't as hard as i coulda!!;D that's awesome.

[blomjenny]

"Hey-woh-hey-woh-heeey!"

[dantesblackrose13]

lol i have this dvd and its so dammmn hilarious... i especially love the part where he goes "STOP BEING A WUSSAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" after he talks about he and his dads fight... it cracks me up every time... the first time i every saw that part i choked on dinner lol

[kcqueen12]

"she had a 180 iq oh wait mom had a 180 iq .... oh god!!"

[moparchicky11]

I'm 6'2", I'm blonde. I'm tan, I'm wearing white pants........I'm a very pretty man.

[missskittles93]

"but they'd have to come back...cuz those 2 had worked it out but the loser...was dead"

lmao

[birdman44]

3:41-4:05=a very awkward part

[RavenousSihkness]

ahahhahaha wow

[moparchicky11]

Yes very akward.

[MasterfrigginChief1]

how is that bad its quotes idiotes I love this i have the dvd.

[MasterfrigginChief1]

I have a sugar imbalance!!! lol shouldnt hit until the 5th time shes cracked you oh you hit me omg lol

[Leah138703]

hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey....hey lol

[jay36719]

awesome

[novemberdove]

hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey.... hey rofl

[sir0wnzalot]

and wen the geograghy change...the relationship..omg. it was a f'in nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!! bwhahahahahah

[rickjaames]

i regret it cause i didnt hit her ass hard as i could of hahaha XD

[aggiegirlgurlklm]

-i hit her!i swear i hit her!i know my rights. I'll wait for you in the car.

XD

[xxmissxlgxx]

HEY. WHOA. HEY. WHOA. HEY. WHOA. HEY. lol

[corysgirl2007]

(sultry) you hit me...ha ha its funny that sum ppl get off on that.

[chadloflin20]

I've had girlfrieds like that. Damn, that's sad.

[fakepoetry]

This guy saves lives. he's like jesus only white.

[ShiyuNakiro]

"Quit being a wussy!" xDDD

[billabam]

hey woa hey woa hey woa hey woa hey woa hey woa. LMFAO

[xlXlxPiMPxlXlx]

Chris Titus, hes funny...

[circecatismycat]

hes a very pritty man lol

[fableofspuntales]

ive said it before and ill say it again. CT=the freaking man!

[Dees4Eva819]

Dude, Chris Titus is just AWESOME, i love the motions he does for some of his jokes HAHA

[circecatismycat]

pritty man lol hes so funny

[lcdidicos]

Chriss rules. totaly. SOmetimes his not even funny but i just can't stop laughing

[Cheddar323]

titus is cool.. but sometimes he is not funny but i just cant hate on him cuz he just seems like a real cool guy

[da5rebelz]

quit being a wossy, haha

[RealGateGuardian]

Fucking right I am

[EdwardElricHaganeNo]

So i grab the front of her shirt and held her At bay, what ever the hell that means.....Y'know what just let me talk to rick. hey man whats up ,YES she's doing it again!

[SilentWolf382]

gotta love Christopher Titus! i put more of hs jokes! check out more of his jokes if you love this one!

[wtf58]

i have a suger embalance! lmao!! NO DIEBIETIES IS A SUGAR EMBALANCE!!!

[Dees4Eva819]

HAHA I love this guy hes fuckin hilarious, the one about falling in a bonfire is the best..!!

[stickzrockerondrums]

dude chris RULES!!!!!!

[nutshell88]

'I have a sugar imbalance'

LMFAO i love it!!!!

[Anathwin]

"I don't think a man should ever hit a woman...until the 5th time he's hit in the face" I love this guy.

[callsighnace]

I go to prison im 6'2" im blonde, tan, im a real pretty man

[Lumsden20]

Hey, woah, hey, woah, hey, woah, hey! Now you two work this out, we don't wanna have to come back.

rofl

[Sephiroth1025]

where did u download this?

[keupsoh]

i swear i hit her!

i know my rights - ill be in the car

so they take me to prison and i realize, im 6'2", im blonde, im tan, im wearing white pants - im a very pretty man

so i made some new friends, made bail and broke up with her, cuz i dont take any shit(haha)

fuckin hilarious man

[dnlkr]

"You hit me..." To which I replied: AAAAAAHHH!!!! And like a real man I hid in the bathroom...

lmao

[NanaharaShuuya]

LMAO"I'm 6'2,I'm blonde,I'm wearing white,and I realize...I'm a very pretty man"XD

[finalkeyblade13]

he survived 3 years on fox

[UltimaWeaponDeux]

Dude. # 1 all comedians steal a little from each other. it's just the nature of the buisness. even titus took some of his material from old jokes and made them new age and outrageous.

[agentsmithversion2]

Why isn't this on dvd????!!!!!!

[111emo]

this guy is just fucking hiliarous i can't believe they canceled his show

[UndeadAngel993]

wait...he had a show!?

[loksyn]

Yes. He had a show on fox 59 called Titus. I believe you can find a couple of episodes on youtube. It was a great show. It sucked when it got canceled.

[UndeadAngel993]

chris titus is right up there in my list of favorite comedians along with lisa lampanelli, carlos mencia, dimitri martin, and david spade.

[cjvs1604]

you put titus on the same pedestal as mencia and spade? you have ALOT of problems man

[EmoSniper1313]

:D yes he is a pretty man

[Dreed122]

"I'll wait for you guys in the car"

Titus kicks ass!

[dnlkr]

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, except the psycho bitch on the couch.

I looked pleadingly to my girl, her face fury red

While visions of me and the Doublemint twins danced in her head.

With bile in my throat and no help in sight, I put on a smile and my sphincter got tight.

"This is Rudolph," I thought, and turned to argue my case,

but I must've had a "what's your problem, bitch" look, 'cause she punched me in the face.

[simplywayne908]

dude thank you thanks hilarious man

[dnlkr]

I picked up her $300 Pradas, the left and right shoe,

and into the street, both shoes I threw.

Out the front door she went, in hot pursuit,

Yeah, this girl would chase a designer label like a fat guy after a Valor jogging suit.

In fear for my life, I locked up the place,

I turned my attention to Rudolph and wished I had mace.

When all of the sudden, there arose such a clatter...

I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter.

[dupac09]

i smaked her. and i regret it. becuz it wasnt as hard as i can.

[Nexus5001]

"hey this is christopher titus, there's a domestic..ah jus let me talk to rick." LOLOLOLOLOLOL! he roks!

[Clericman]

I broke up with her!

Cause I don't take any shit!

XDDD Classic Titus.

[crashcloud]

i was a man hoe for a couple month there

[powerrangerofdoom]

im a very pretty man...

...and i made some new friends.

god i love titus

[saitoghost]

"BUT THE LOSER WAS DEAD" ROLMFAO

[joshpyneman]

HAHAHA

this is so funny

please put some more on