Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart

[jasonamaradio9]

omg dillow s**t his pants

[SMMsideproject]

1:17 aha he's the guy who let the American Dream die

[masonkim7]

what the hell??? is this for real?

Goddamn... America just sank lower.

[wfield123]

@masonkim7 OMG how do you not know about Onion ITS FAKE (its only the best news satire organization ever)

[mattjeh]

@masonkim7 /laughs and points

[ehandkz]

@masonkim7 You're an idiot.

[mewsikitty]

This is a riot!

[310sucks]

So true. Shit your pants you might as well leave the country.

[Flerndw2222]

read the article at 1:26 :D

[canufi]

@Flerndw2222 you could see the poop on his sock

[wing2912]

story of my life

[cozstuart]

I though he was being given the purple heart for shitting his pants, not for service in Afghanistan lol

[bunghole211]

I will fucking flip if someone thinks this is real

[ErBoi1]

@bunghole211 It's flippin' time then! Check some of the newest comments.

[MrPoby69]

very funny



[zicuenca]

Totally shit my pants in grade 2. I'm nowhere near as successful as this pants shitter. One day.

[0Heavy0Metal0]

"The guy who shit right down his leg and into his sock donates his time and money..." lol The Onion rules!

[RustySporks]

"You're our #2 hero"

LOL

[DoctorWeeTodd]

This kinda reminds me of how my friends and I always call David Fincher "that guy who directed Alien 3 and ruined the franchise".

[MrBrilliantChaos]

He would rather go back to Afghanistan than stay in the town.

[dredful00]

@Mirozenx

They're mocking them you idiot....

[Mirozenx]

telling you what WE want you to know, subliminal messaging much? one world order people

[Riftoff]

@Mirozenx lmao are you for real

[TheKenTerry]

@Mirozenx

lol even as a troll you sound like a fucking idiot.

[321reball]

@Mirozenx your an idiot

[Mirozenx]

@321reball no you are, wake the fuck up

[Mossgate97]

@Mirozenx Wake the fuck up, its a parody, i bet its people like you who wan't everything to be a subliminal message, you probably would think that the movie "They live" was a subliminal message.

[Mirozenx]

@Mossgate97 yeah it was, they're telling us and idiots like you don't even listen (:

[Mossgate97]

@Mirozenx Its a fucking parody, if it was not they would want you to think that we are hearing the truth you idiot.

[Z0mbieS1ayer]

wow I can't believe that they seem to be more interested in mentioning that he had an accident rather than that he got a purple heart, can't they see how embarrassed he is!? poor guy.

[TheWatzitooya]

@Z0mbieS1ayer The Onion is fake...

Which makes comments like yours so hilarious...

[Z0mbieS1ayer]

@TheWatzitooya

yeah right, if it were fake, why would it be so proffesionally done. idiot.

[TheWatzitooya]

@Z0mbieS1ayer That's the whole point...

But I can't tell if you're trolling me or not.

Anyway. Yes, The Onion is fake. The fact that it looks so professional is what's so great about it. That's what makes people go like "0.0 OMG THAT'S HORRIBLE!!!1"

Seriously. One of the headlines is "Some Random Bullshit Happens Somewhere." Another one is "Are tests biased against students who don't give a shit?"

It's all fake...

[Z0mbieS1ayer]

@TheWatzitooya

proove it then if your so sure

[TheWatzitooya]

@Z0mbieS1ayer Ask anyone...

Go search "Should Children be allowed to be let into R rated movies where we masturbate?"

You think something like that would be put on a real news show?

I don't know how to prove it to ya. Just use you're common sense. It's not that hard to figure out that all of The Onion's stories are bullshit...

The related videos says "Ear of Genetically Modified Corn Begs for Death."

If you're trolling me, then it worked...

[Z0mbieS1ayer]

@TheWatzitooya

but y would people make up news like that??

[TheWatzitooya]

@Z0mbieS1ayer Because...

The ridiculous stories are hilarious. And the things that the fake new anchors get to say are hilarious...

[Z0mbieS1ayer]

@TheWatzitooya

i dunno. i still don't c why they would mislead ppl like that. its just not proffessional.

[TheWatzitooya]

@Z0mbieS1ayer Now, I really think you're trolling me, lulz...

Gratz to you...

Anyway, it's all just meant to be funny. Like Monty Python or something...

[ExpertOfSound]

@TheWatzitooya

He either plays runescape or left 4 dead, so it is possible that he really does think that it is real.

[Drakohjin]

they couldn't see the embarrassment in his face?! omg i feel so bad for him i mean Jesus Christ that has to be bad for him, i mean the man is a war hero for Christ sake and these people are still bagging him for what he did in GRADE SCHOOL?! i mean wow, this is so sad, i feel for the man....

[flamingmonkays]

@Drakohjin I feel sorry for you. Wait a while, you'll find out why eventually.

[Primordialfan1]

@Drakohjin

You think this is real?

[BEST459]

@Drakohjin your a slow one

[nemzus]

What the fuck... is this a legit news report? it's fcking retarded, not the topic but the presenters and people interviewed.... seriously what the fuck

[FaBFaB66]

@nemzus ... Look people, this retarded thinks Onion News is legit news

roflmao

retard

[nemzus]

@FaBFaB66 Well obv, this is my first time watching onion news, get over it.

[awesomesaucemcgeezer]

@nemzus Wow... you're calling the Onion retarded, when obviously you're the fucking moron here. Use some common sense for God's sake.

[rockplannet1]

@nemzus Christ, you're the fucking retard. You think The Onion is a real news network? There's no common sense in the world these days...

[nemzus]

@rockplannet1 what's your fucking problem? Yeah i fucked up, I have never watched onion news before, yeah i fell for the joke. But for fuck sake what gives you the right to be a fucking asshole about it? fuck me man, you bitch about common sense and yet you lack to common sense to be civilised and are just being an absolute twit.

[DEIMOSLOL]

I remember I shit my pants on a field trip walk but no one ever knew. Luckily another kid shit his pants and the smell of shit was blamed upon him. I kept it in my pants the whole bus ride home. I am a god.

[xJoeEDangerouslyx]

Voted "Most Likely to Shit Pants Again."

[watanabe757]

is this the old ones? cause the host is different,,,,

[20pwn20]

this is just way too funny.... I say we should make onion news most subscribed, lol

[TheYouwontgetit]

this is the same town that has troubles with cody who inpregnated all the girls there... ...poor town...

[kartrix1]

the mayor is a douche

[theknightlynews]

Has anyone thought that maybe he's the guy who left the tire behind the Kroger? 

[dwyImike]

LOL!!!!!!!!

[ClrCades]

"most likely to shit pants again"

[passivepower]

This can't be real

[Omnidominatus]

@passivepower its not. ONN is a mock news network.

[jcrowley1985]

@Omnidominatus

Correct, almost in the same way FOX is a mock news network.

[Omnidominatus]

@jcrowley1985 No news network can truthfully claim 100% credibility in my opinion. They will all say just about anything to bash the opposing political parties for ratings.

[MEGAMAN7659]

@passivepower this a Satire news network so of course it isn't real! xD

[Bridagierz]

I saw the title and was like "dude what the fuck?"

Then I saw it was posted by The Onion and was like "oh, okay."

[pervysage35]

I actually feel bad for him.

[guitarlawyer75]

Poor John, nobody forgot it...

[gredangeo]

I wish news would swear. That might make them more open to be more human and not so politically correct all the time. It also may show THEIR opinions as well, as a bonus. :)

[Clancys28]

the article in the newspaper--read it; it's hilarious!

[Clancys28]

"Dillow . . . he's the pants shitter who lived past the old Cranston place" Hilarious!

[PowerThrash]

the past tense of shit is shat.

[TheTake1action]

1:27 MOST LIKELY TO SHIT HIS PANTS AGAIN YEARBOOK!! lmaooo

[irishberry6]

Hilarious! 

[octupus6]

THE Tuffy's tavern?! The place where the last American lost hope of the American dream?! Small world.

[Peon546]

I'm a very long penis and I was not offended by this video at all. -_-

[MrRunescapeEpic]

Holy SHIT people are mean to that guy!

[bdaniportillo]

AhahhahHhahhahaha that's funny

[Hejzwej]

So honorable to be remembered as the man who shit pants...

[ChickWithPurpose]

ugh... i want to put it in my mouth and suck on it

[JADEGOODYSCORPSE]

183 PEOPLE SHIT THEIR PANTS IN SCHOOL

[ilovehell666]

@JADEGOODYSCORPSE Yes, I shit my pants, but I also liked this video. They don't have to be mutually inclusive =P

[JADEGOODYSCORPSE]

LOL, 

[ihmen]

this is so true. i knew this kid who pissed his pants in 3rd grade and after he graduated and was in a middle school everyone still remembered and made fun of him for it. even when he was in highschool people still made fun of him for it and he never was able to get a girlfriend. its been like 16 years and still whenever i see him walking around the college campus i think "theres the kid who pissed his pants".

[terrybeans]

no one forgets if u shit ur pants.

[DeaXi69]

""Congratulations John Dillow i know we'll see you shit out some great things in the fufure"" >_O wut!

[helloanygoodbye]

FAKE AND GAY

[jauffRINDIR]

@helloanygoodbye lol someone doesnt know what the onion is.

[tymars45]

Is this real cause I think it's real

[totoynani143]

@tymars45 its fake,cz soldier rank r not on the arm,its on the chess.

[Dee3BoobTube]

I shit my pants in second grade. No one remembered me for it. :( Shoulda waited two years.

[Inediblehulk]

Right in his sock!

[Big12189]

I was in tears when I first saw this!

[Zolatour]

is this real

[EdinSumar]

@Zolatour Totally real.

[luvbb23]

i dont get the ed edd and eddy thing. someone please explain!!!

[wisewarrior7]

@luvbb23 The dude's clothes look like Ed's

[luvbb23]

@wisewarrior7 ohhh i thought it was that kid whose face was blurred out bc it said "look to his left"

thanks!!

[wisewarrior7]

@luvbb23 Yeah the dude standing up with the brown jacket.That's the left

[VirtuesPenumbra]

I think some people are failing to get the joke. He didn't get a Purple Heart for shitting his pants. The joke is the fact that winning a Purple Heart and being a war hero FAILED to overshadow the fact that he shit his pants in grade school.

[hellomynameisme13]

@VirtuesPenumbra fuck you

[LexL94]

@hellomynameisme13 Yes please :)

[SeCONdagenda1]

@VirtuesPenumbra If you didn't get that your IQ. is in the negatives

[Juggaloserialeater]

This is stupid. Whyd they give him a purple heart for shitting his pants come on. Theres so many bigger heros..This is bullllllllllshit...PEOPLE ACTUALLY DIE FOR US.

[onehaistct]

@Juggaloserialeater you do know this is all a joke....right?

[samman401]

@Juggaloserialeater He shit in his pants as a child, and got a purple heart from fighting in a war - two separate things, are you following yet?

[ocergnairb]

John Dillow. From.. Ahh. Okay. LOL

[BrandonToddCarr]

Most likely to shit his pants again.

[searsda12]

Hear, hear!

[Courtjester138]

lol, the town he grew up and crapped himself in 

[TheKeyWestian]

into his sock??!!!!

WTF

[zomgscissors]

This is the funniest shit XD

[OneLemming]

Just not that funny anymore.  You had a good run though onion. RIP

[crypticnivek]

@OneLemming I thought it had a good metaphor 

[SketchyBack]

"the town he grew up in crapped himself in" LMAO!! Haven't laugh this hard in days!

[davethehostage]

"Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Shart ".

[JoeJoeyJose]

1:25 Read the article, it's hilarious.

[RayLedgend]

@JoeJoeyJose Holy cow. I never took the time to read that. My god, that was priceless =P

[MechaArnzilla]

@JoeJoeyJose Kudos to you and the Onion, that's some friggin attention to detail!!

[kurumais]

so so

[macchonk007]

I shit my pants when i was on the fourth grade... i refused to attend any classes for a week.... true story...

[justmedawg]

0:43 its the guy from burger king who ate a head burger XD

[hockeyham]

You mean this isn't real news? Next you'll be telling me the Onion's man-on-the-street "American Voices" interviews on their web site are just 10 different stock photos in a rotation with different names tacked on

[potterjc]

i remember when the onion used to be good

[haircutbob2]

0:40, isn't that the same guy who found a human head in his Whopper?

[MusicalWrestling]

What's with all these shitty jokes?

[manchoi44]

171 people have pooped their pants in school.

[george6900]

I think everyone remembers someone either peeing or shitting in their pants in the early grades of school. Man that has stayed with me through adulthood... much worse than bedwetting.

[jake44514]

It's funny, but it's also a not so subtle insight into the minds of the Onion...liberals who have no respect for people who serve in the military. Thankfully, these jokers will never be our last defense, as they would shit their pants just thinking about it.

[arcticwolf164]

@jake44514 I don't see it as a lack of respect for the military since what they are parodying is people's inability to dissociate him from his childhood shame even though he is doing all these amazing things. If they were disrespecting military achievement here they would also be disrespecting people that help leukemia patients and I don't think that's what's at play here

[flameroller]

@arcticwolf164 I agree. Only an idiot would think they were "disrespecting" the military here. They are using peoples reverence and respect for the military as the obvious side to the ridiculous notion of paying exclusive attention to the pants shitting event of the characters past. If anything they are glorifying military service, not mocking it. Note that I am not saying anything for or against military service, just pointing out what SHOULD be glaringly obvious.

[TheRenaiged]

Here Here

[derekjtaylor]

Had to borrow a pair of old gym shorts from the nurse!!!!!

Here here, Dillow!

[Boogeyman7]

Voted "Most likely to shit pants again". Onion you SLAY me!

[Smokie1960]

You're our #2 Hero! lol

[JCis4every1]

@Smokie1960

Nice! LOL! :)

[RonnnieBuckley]

1:10

Look to his left.

It's Ed, from Ed Edd n Eddy!

[MrJewJake]

@RonnnieBuckley yo what ed?

[DigiTan000]

@RonnnieBuckley - Pffffft. LOL! Ed Edd n Eddy. Good eye!

[bscutajar]

@RonnnieBuckley where?

[MsFunnyStuffz]

@RonnnieBuckley his left or our left?

[RonnnieBuckley]

@MsFunnyStuffz ... Our left... *feels shame*

[nigeyboy101]

I shit myself 5 minutes ago and still haven't cleaned it up.

[datzfast]

i never understood awarding someone for getting shot. seems to me they should get a pay raise for not getting shot.so what message are we sending? if you dont get shot your not doing a good job? fuck that we should only give medals for killing the most enemy the cheapest cost to the taxpayer.

[datzfast]

i think it was the Mrs Barnes that shit her panties and blamed it on the kid. she never asked him to leave the room. because had she done that, the stink would still be coming out her shit. you just have to listen to the story as told to find the real truth.

[063naMdialook]

In the beginning it says he shit his pants in the middle of a social studies lesson, but at 1:25 it says he was giving an oral report when he shit his pants.

This is a cover up...He didn't shit his pants.....ALIENS OH SHI-

[rizkunisnator]

"Most likely to shit pants again."

[PLURIC]

such a fail, soldiers don't wear ranks like that lol

[jtollison]

This is awesome!

[olbrwnshoe]

160 people are pants shitters

[justagrrrrrl]

What's happened to The Onion?

[Nysyarc]

@justagrrrrrl They got a recurring spot on television, and are no longer just about the amazing articles and video shorts. The implications? More quantity and less quality of content to be released in the future. That's my prediction anyways. I've always loved The Onion but I don't really approve of this latest move of theirs.

We'll see what happens.

[SloppySailor]

Daniel S?

[Mgs3Se1]

I lol'd "most likely to shit pants again"

[quidnick]

I wish they did this to all veterans. 

[Yyyyzyyy]

This is real?

[eatmytool1]

@Yyyyzyyy Duh!!

[DoJaenin]

Really, Onion, you have an educational mission here! Little children watch these videos and they too have a right to learn the correct past tense forms of "shit".

[Mazequax]

hey the fat man #1 was from the horse head in da burger vid :DD

[lemonrind]

I shit my pants in kindergarten once.

[ZaKAttaK716]

So what if John Dillow likes to sit on a shit pillow. Is that such a crime? No. But it is hella nasty.

[BIG96SMOKE]

do you guys... smoke crack??? just wondering, cuz some of these videos are like crazy as fuck...

[psychedelnick1]

I sharted at school one time and i went to bathroom to wipe the shit off my underwear and wipe off the shit that was running down my leg. I was standing in the stall, facing the toilet with my pants around my ankles and everybody who walked in was like, why do you have you pants around your ankles and i was like, i dont know.

[heyocanada]

#2 hero

[Themeatloafer13]

407 babies will shart themselves in the future

[g0tcadaver]

@Themeatloafer13

Where exactly are you getting that number from? There are only 152 dislikes