Added: 4 years ago
From: RoyZimmerman
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  • Republicans say homosexuals undermine family values, but they never stop to consider their effects on property values.

  • You're AWESOME!!!

  • Ruben Diaz is completely heterosexual

    Marcus Bachmann is completely heterosexual

    Bishop Eddie Long is completely heterosexual

    Roy Cohn in completely heterosexual

  • Bishop Eddie Long is completely heterosexual.

  • how about the democrats and others (it's possible not to belong to one of the "two parties")...are there no sex crimes there? i like this guy, but he's kind of one sided...

  • Comment removed

  • @clemep The difference is that those on the right are often dead set against these things in public, whilst they do them in private. The left generally have a much more live and let live ideal.

    It's not the sex that's bad, it's the incredible hypocrisy.

  • @clemep

    Most of the "family values" politicians tend to be republicans. That's what Roy is pointing out, their hypocrisy.

  • @clemep It's not a sex crime to me a homosexual.

    It's just hilarious to think it is, while being gay, getting caught, and denying it.

    That's something the left doesn't do.

  • leviticus sounds so great in this song xD

  • "Ted Haggard is completely heterosexual" was catchier.

  • Ha this song never gets old! It's fresh ever 2 weeks.

  • Why is this unlisted?

  • 16 dislikes...

    16 people are completely heterosexual.

  • @Sylocat ya beat me to it.

  • Lyrics please!

  • jerry falwell is completely deaderosexual.

  • Dude. xD

    This is fuckin legendary, nice job :D

  • GLORY HOLE

    *pauses* Le ulya!

  • Looks like it isn't just Ted Haggard that Roy has his eyes on.

    You're such a tease Roy. Just pick one of them and commit.

  • 'Cause he denied it in such detail and before he'd been accused!'

    That line is so great.

  • How about , "Martin Ssempa is Completely Heterosexual."

  • Read 3:25 Craig-Foley-Allen-West-Schrock­-Huffington & Haggard- ALL 7 REPUBLICUNTS WHO DON'T LIKE IT....(CUNT)

  • I think I'm in love with Roy zimmerman....

  • Let's NOT forget Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church.

  • Here is another list to go by: Roy Cohn, Jim Bakker, Paul Crouch, Richard Curtis.

  • XD It's like Sesame Street or Fred Penner for adults! You rock!

  • He really does like these "Completely Heterosexual" songs doesn't he?

  • You remind me of Tom Lehrer, I don't know if that was on purpose but it makes you awesome.

  • @mrbobmanbob

    If you like Zimmerman and Lehrer, you'll like these guys also, me thinks ^_^

    Jonathan Coulton and Tim Minchin

    Great freaking artists.

  • @mrbobmanbob agree.... Roy is the heir to Professor Tom Lehrer.... another topical intelligent musical satirist from the 60's and 70's. the rhyming schemes are almost identical... Tom did his on piano tho.

  • The same melody as for Ted Haggard...

  • I think when Larry said "Bill Clinton is a naughty boy" he was thinking " and I wanna spank him."

  • @devanaire lol

  • Glory hole eiluiah

  • I LOVE this. It's brilliant! :)

  • Very good again.

  • george rekers is completely heterosexual

  • What kind of tuning are you using, Roy? It's not the standard E-A-D-G-B-E, is it?

  • I think I'm getting a clue! Oh yeah me too.

  • Another name for you Ray! Roy Ashburn.

    It doesn't matter how many times it happens, it's still funny :D

  • This song does never get old, at first I was hesitent but then I realized it's just good old Ted Haggard is Completly Heterosexual with a spin on it. Great Job!

  • Kirk and Ray are completly heterosexual! Everybody!

  • I think they're completely heterosexual together.

  • @Cuythulu Oh my ... what a nice banana you have

    It fits perfectly in my mouth

  • @TheStrayCross Just the way the Lord meant it!

  • @Cuythulu Kirk?

  • @Zeldarulah Cameron

  • @Cuythulu Ah, Cumfart and Cameron, I see.

  • It just never gets old.

  • I vote for a how to play video. Please?

  • NICE

  • I like this one better than the Haggard version.

  • I think it's the list of the guilty that makes it (although it helps that every time I hear 'Larry Craig' there's a Daily Show skit I'm reminded of...)

  • The Haggard version is better musically, but you take your favorite song and sing about something completely different. The list at the end of this song is the best part. All but Ted Haggard are listed as Republican.

  • Yeah, probably, but I doubt that John Mcain would have had serious policy differences. His views on the economy were just disgusting to me. I personally think America would've died either way.

  • I hear what you're saying, darebear42. In any case, I was so nauseated by all the choices, this time I could not bring myself to vote for McCain, or for that other one (who, from the moment I first saw him on film, struck me as being exactly the same person as Baby Bush). And the independents were a joke. Anyway, America's gone and will never return. It's over.

  • I don't believe that all the independents were a joke. Green party for change! Legalize it! Lol, just kidding, you may want to look into ron paul though, I agree with most of his views on the economy, I think he could probably get us out of this mess with the support of congress and senate.

  • You're probably right, darebear42. My information source about the independents was public radio, which obviously was doing everything it could to discredit everyone but the one who won. Just heard a Ron Paul interview and was impressed.

  • The only thing that could be potentially damaging to any campaign he runs would be that some people are trying to smear him by calling him a racist. I've looked into it myself, and he hasn't really done anything to lead me to believe that's true and I think the people propagating those lies are acting scandalously and *niggardly.

    *Note to troll dumbasses

    niggardness - meanness: extreme stinginess

    It has nothing to do with the racial slur.

  • Simply failing to pander, these days, can get a politician labeled as racist.

  • @darebear42 It's still a racial slur no matter how YOU define it. Period. You can't have that word so just leave it alone and stop trying to 'bring it back' or what ever. You simply look like a racist using it.

  • @SFspaceboy Niggardly is not a racial slur. Nigger is a racial slur. Niggardly is a totally different word, with a totally different origin. It is (or should be) 100% acceptable in our society. The only reason it would not be, is because there are dumbasses like you who have yet to grasp the subtle eccentricities of the English language. Yes, there are words that sound similar and mean totally different things. Type in "origins of niggardly" into google, and bask in the glow of actual knowledge.

  • @darebear42

    Dude, it doesn't matter where the word originally came from or that it has no relation to the word 'nigger.' Politicians have lost their jobs due to the use of the word. No matter how badly you want to sound cool using a big word you still come off sounding like a bigoted racist using it.

  • @SFspaceboy Actually, it does matter interestingly enough. Because you see, no matter how I come across using a word, it doesn't matter. I'm right. No matter how many ignorant people think I'm a bigoted racist, I'm still right.

  • @SFspaceboy

    Dude, it's not his fault if you don't know what words mean.

  • @darebear42 Thank you for reminding me of that word. Too bad fools have to stigmatize that word because they are too ignorant to make the distinction between niggard and nigger. I will try to find a way to use "niggard" daily. And with all the Jews that I cross in my travels I should not have any trouble. Kudos to you. Thanks for not being niggardly with your verbal prowess and thank you for your insightful contribution to this otherwise angry, stupid and uneducated forum.

  • @darebear42 I think we took it from Africa.

  • lol. I don't know why everyone gave you a thumbs down. I'm pretty anti-republican but you are right. Bush and company were not true conservatives. They are radicals. Just like the gay baiting fundamentalist Christians who make a mockery of their own religion.

    I can say that, because I'm gay and Christian. Having said that, what's Obama done for gay rights? Absolutely nothing. Don't know who I'll vote for in 2012 but I wont make the same mistake twice with Obama.

  • errrr, that was addressed to megaswenson's getting 12 thumbs down so far. Dang.

  • I dunno, pop0it0rocket.... But somebody really is upset. Can't remember what I said. Had no Idea all this 'voting' was going on over here. And didn't BO sell out his gay supporters within weeks of taking office? I forget what he did, but it was to be expected. Clinton did the same thing with the 'Family Protection Act'.

  • Yep.The justice department, under Obama's watch, filed a brief in support of DOMA. They compared gay marriage to pedophilia.Nice, huh?

    Then there is the Dont Ask Don't Tell (DODT) policy. Dozens of qualified military personell have been booted out since Obama was elected. Obama could halt enforcement of DODT with the stroke of a pen, though he can't technically change the law. BUT The law itself allows for the president to suspend its implementation.

    What a sleaze bag.

  • I had no idea DODT was still being enforced. So stupid, if only from an economic standpoint. After all, gay soldiers generally don't leave dependents for the government to support. And gays seem to be a good source of high-IQ career military.

    But this is turning into a third-world dictatorship, and Homophobia is a part of that third-world mentality...

  • Um I'm not American, but just a note:

    DODT was originally proposed (by Clinton??) to protect gays and lesbians, was it not? The problem was that gays could be rejected as soldiers from the army arbitrarily and could also be discriminated against when in the army, just for being gay. DODT was to protect them.

    Let's just hope America is ready to embrace the gays openly .. without DODT.

    So the problem is not stopping DODT, but putting something else in its place and making that POLICY.

  • *Creationist impersonation* . . . :

    "Yew arnt' n amurican? WHY THE HELL r YEW ON MY YOUTUBES, GET OFF FAG ENALBLBELR? !? ?! !?!? yeah I BET you wanna embrace some gays openly. . . I think don't ass don't tell is thuh onliest thing keepin our boys in afghanistan safe from bein buttraped by their feller soldiers! I mean if I was over theer and I knew that there was gay guys in the cervis I wud bend that faggy over and show him what its' all about11! wait . . . "

  • alot of right-wingers presured him to do it

  • @8DX, the solution is ENDA.

    Employment Non-Discrimination Act.

  • @8DX You are correct that President Clinton proposed DADT. I think there is some truth to the idea that openly gay members of the military would have faced discrimination; as did women over the last several years. It is unfortunate, but DADT was probably the necessary first step. It would be nice if we could all get along and be nice, but we do not. I hope one day this country figures out that equal rights means everyone. We do better than most, but need more work. We haven't gotten it right yet

  • Would you rather be living under McCain/Palin right now? Honestly, the man has been in office since January, he was handed a nation that happens to be at war, in severe financial problems, and in the midst of a healthcare problem which is compounded by all the exotic strains of Flu the third world seems to always invent. Beyond that, he's had to deal with the racist professor and he sighing cop, and whiny republicans. YOU reform gay rights while simultaneously dealing with that.

  • I'm all for gay rights, I have lots and lots of gay friends, but I think there's more important things to deal with right now, wars, healthcare, poverty, disease, education, etc.

    all these things effect the entire country not simply a small minority of it.

  • and why are you a Christian anyway, the bible says you should be stoned to death, or maybe it was burned to death, just for... well... living.

  • I always remeber Sodom and Gomorrah from the part of the bible I read.

    But then a city with closed walls where a mob of orgaistic revellers run about town randomly raping anything that breathes, whatever the sex or species... that deserves some smiting.

    But you're right.. it's in there - stoning fags.

    And I think stoning people is BAD.

    Just like raping them.

    Or lying to them.

    Be nice people. We are small people. We likee no rapee or stonee.

  • remember my fellow gay superstitious, once you go barack no never going back.

    you should know this better than anybody.

  • Didn't the Singing Senators do a version of this song?

  • Acr08807,

    I don't think the Singing Senators would do a cover of this song. If they did, I would eat a hat.

  • Comment removed

  • I want to love who I am

  • Roy! you are freakin awesome!! Zimmerman for president!! maybe finally we could get a white man into office!!

  • lol its called sarcasm man.. dont pop a blood vessel..

  • My favorite line is

    "Choose to be a hetero and seven-foot-two"

    You know, because gay people "choose" to be that way, Hah! Silly dumb conservatives....

  • Comment removed

  • this guy is hilarious!!!!!

  • Roy. You rock. Thanks for this video...and the bit at the end is almost as good as your song;)

  • 'He tried to deny it, but he had us all confused--

    'Cause he denied it in such detail and before he'd been accused!'

    Best line!

  • I like the Ted Haggard version better.  This one isn't bad though.

  • Yeah that tops this one. xD

  • "I like the Ted Haggard version better. This one isn't bad though."-

    Maybe that's because Haggard and Coke went so well together - It's the re-al thing.

  • A Tom Lehrer for this generation. 'Nuff said.

  • You can tell Roy loves singing this song. A good old bit of bawdy innuendo, but with a point.

  • The bit at the end is fantastic.

  • I love him, he's so awesome

  • I love this guy.

  • roy is great, he is like a new age tom lehrer.

  • bigflatfish

    i hate to admit this, roy is BETTER than tom lehrer. both great with lyrics, but roy is a much better musician.

  • lushlars, I think "standing on the shoulders of giants" can also be applied here.

  • cafeeine, fair enough. i still love tom lehrer. he was revolutionary to my mind.

  • No argument there.

  • Fan-effen-tastic! Thank you very much.

  • He should bring all the versions of this song together and make a super-song! I'd listen to it! VOTE DEM!!!

  • absoultely brilliant.

  • Hello from Idaho! Great song. At least Larry Craig landed the state on the map. Another conservative politician in ID recently said in an interview that he'd disguised himself and gone to a secret communist meeting and communists are taking over the US via feminism and the gay agenda. BEWARE!! Yeah, ID politicians are nutcases.

  • It IS the same song as "Ted Haggard is comepleetly heteroseksual", this is the last song of a series (I think). They all sound alike, and you can see the list in the end of this video.

  • You, sir, are a genius.

  • wow... what a list of self hate. way to zing it to them Roy!

  • Gay or 'strait' should be a non issue ,But it sure makes a funny song.

  • You're a genius.

  • Roy Zimmerman is completely brilliant.

  • Hey, this sounds alot like your Ted Haggard song! :)

  • It's a different take on the same idea of self hating Republicans whom speak out against gays and yet commit homosexual acts. Larry Craig is just still in the stall as opposed to the closet

  • love your work, I haaatteee so much how someone could stand so strongly versus anything that's not heterosexual (when it's natural for everyone to have feelings for both sexes in one way or another)... then turn around and be a pervert to the same sex

  • Roy is da bomb!

  • Larry Craig is Completely Heterosexual but his penis is gay.

  • Up until his former lovers came forward, I thought maybe Larry Craig was just a very desperate pleasure-seeking straight guy, not a closet case. But yeah, obviously this is not the first time this has happened.

    As for how these people often fight gay rights, it's baffling to see how superhomophobic self-hating closet cases act.

  • recycled tune, but still very witty! Good job Roy!

  • Fuck you people who take this seriosly it's comedy and you should just take it as that instead of being all worked up over it, if anyone wants to argue, come fight!

  • Sweetie -- Comedy is a very important tool to help us all put life in perspective. Roy's very funny helps me laugh.

    Like comedian/Playwright Mel Brooks, said: "I was never crazy about Hitler ... If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win ... But if you ridicule them, bring them down with laughter, they can't win. You show how crazy they are."

  • Wow, great vocie and lyrics!! I can't stop watching your videos, too funny!

  • As one who enjoys writing satirical parodies, I am in awe of your skills, bravissimo! *bows down*

  • Glory-hole-lay-lu-ya! LOL. excellent.

  • I don't mind him soliciting gay sex. It is the hypocrisy that disturbs me. These republican politicians act like being gay is unnatural, and they deny gays their rights, and it turns out they're in the closet themselves.

  • That pisses me off really, because if they are gay Republicans in the closet, voting against things that are important to gay people, then they are betraying their own people and shooting themselves in the foot. I dont want them to be gay if they are self-hating assholes.

  • as often as necessary haha I love it

  • I liked "Glory hole-eeelluuyah!" ... perfection in sature.

  • I mean satire. Why is there not an edit button :|

  • Greetings from Idaho. Great song and lyrics!

    Sadly the people of Idaho can not deal with this issue -- they are all in denial. By doing nothing, Idaho leaves in the US Senate a pathological lying sex pervent until 2009.

    As far as Craig's wife as a prop: Well Larry will use anybody to vindicate himself. I am ashamed of my state and my fellow citizens.

  • Don't be ashamed of people that chose to trust someone. Be ashamed of Larry Craig. Yes, continuing to support him is a form of denial. But denial is the way some people protect themselves from hurt. Larry Craig is a liar and he hurt people that believed in him. Shame on you Larry Craig.

  • Now he just needs to add richard curtis to the list.

  • I feel sorry for Craig's wife--he's just used her as a prop.

  • maybe she used him, maybe she agreed .... maybe he does love her very much .... we don't really know the answers to these personal things, do we? I don't think so.

  • I wouldn't doubt for a second that she latched on to him as a "sugardaddy". She was a single mom and saw the chance for a "better" life for herself and her kids. Funny how this kind of materialism, and status seeking can come back to bite one in one's ass.

  • If there is mutual respect and an understanding to provide for the children and to provide a home for them, then I have no objection for people marrying for that reason. It is a better reason to marry than, "I know he beats me, but I love him"! Its a terrible mess for all of them now, and all because he taps his toe when he poops.

  • I loved it

  • OH man. I knew it was coming!! Watching "The Daily Show" joke about it, I seriously thought, "I betcha Roy's got him something cooking". I don't think the guy was wrong in waht he did, but it's still funny. :]

  • theres not enough space to type all the things gays are denied...if you dont know...well ...find out on your own...too many to list!

  • "Gays aren't denied anything. "

    When was gay marriage legalized in Texas?

  • "You mean that SPECIAL RIGHT they seek which does not exist? "

    My, my, my you are a clever one. By the same -ahem- "philosophy" I deny you the right to use the internet. Afterall, the internet is only intended for use by those who aren't from Texas and have more sense than a trashcan.

    Just because that right isn't given in the bible doesn't mean that right doesn't exist. Regardless, marriage is legally certified by the state, not the church.

  • "The reason for marriage has more to do with biology than the Bible. "

    What rubbish. Marriage has nothing to do with biology, other than the physiological responses to attraction, love, and devotion.

  • I see no biological event or act in a marriage ceremony or in signing a piece of paper. You dont even know the difference between biology and theology! I dont want or need YOUR approval of who I love, but it would be nice if you would stop trying to stick your dick in my vagina, since I don't have one, and stop supporting legislation that suppresses other people.

  • My name is Scott and I was born in Texas, and I am not an ignorant asshole who plays with words to be in my favor so as to deny equality and fair treatment to others.

    Your ignorance is what creates your irrational fear- just like the KKK hates out of fear because they know they are ignorant, whereas minorities are capable of passing them by if they are not suppressed. Like you, they hvae a "phobia."

  • I'm not sure which of those responses was intended for me.

  • We have the right to become "normal", sure, but what we lack is the medical technology. I tried to "become straight" for 3 years before I embraced myself. It ended in no progress and suicidal depression. I accepted myself, and I've never been happier. So don't tote "becoming normal". Unless you've "gone straight from gay", you have no room to assume you know why gays are gay.

  • Are you joking? If 2 gay men are together for 20 yrs, one dies, the family of the deceased can take everything, including the body... homeland security wants to set criteria impossible to pass for ppl w/hiv & ban them from amnesty, employment & services. In most states, gays cannot adopt, have civil unions, can be barred from property & the deathbed of a loved one, can be fired from their job. My sexuality does not affect you, yet the prejudices/ignorance of others does affect me.

  • I resent that. homophobic much. those people are awsome

  • OK to say all gays are awesome, but not that they are all bad? Hypocricy much?

  • No. I like all the gay people i hav ever met.

  • just like all people there are good and bad though

  • Well of course, if you're gay you're just as likely to be a moron as you would be otherwise. It's nothing to do with personality or ethics.

  • Are you a retard? Gay marriage isn't specail rights, it's equal rights. I'm sorry that you can't live in Nazi Germany anymore, but there's always Iran; I hear that homosexuality is a capital offense. And don't try to cite Jesus, he never addressed the subject at all.

  • I live in Utah, so I'm familiar with Mormonism, and I wholeheartedly disagree with the concept of polygamy (which is undisputedly a choice), but just because the public doens't like it doesn't NECESSARILY give government the right to restrict it. I find it quite unconstitutional to deny the right to polygamy. In and of itself, it harms no one, and it is not an economic matter.

  • Marriage may be piece of paper to some, it's everything to others, and there are a lot of rights that come with that piece of paper that are denied. Also I know of people who are gay being discriminated against in real estate deals and in the work place. Imagine not being able to mention your wife or husband at work. Not getting a house you love. Gay people come in all colors so maybe that makes it harder to imagine. Since it's sex not a color, it seems to make tolerance harder for some.

  • srry! i accidentaly pushed thumbs down and now i cant change it! i think that that was sooo deep and i love that you put it like that