hello:) my name is marlana and im only 12 and i have bulimia anorexia and binge. also i cut myself and ive already been to the phase of passing out several times. do have have any advice or tips on how to hold off on SI, binging, and puging?
i have a problem. it lies at work. hmmm my work moved me to a cubicle to the back corner away from everyone. they dont want me interacting with anyone i work with. some people are scared of me i guess. im not allowed to go into the office i used to work in anymore. and i dont know what to do anymore. i have a psychotic way of thinking where i say think and do things that are not of sound mind. at the moment it seems normal but i dont know anymore please help.
stay strong. all of your subscribers on YouTube, your family and friends, we're all behind you. everybody falls off the wagon, just be sure to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. I've been SI free for a month now and the urge still comes, but I fight back. you inspire me. :)
I think that you are a really great person putting yourself out there to help others! Sorry to hear that you are struggling a bit but you were doing so well and that tells me that eventually you will conquer your illnesses.
You have shown an amazing strength by a) admitting that your ED has relapsed to yourself and us b) you took the step to admit yourself to hospital........81 days you are AMAZING.....you will be ok I 'know' it x x x
melissa there are many things in the world some good some bad most are somewhere in between. i just dont know how we ever make it through our lives this long but believe me when i say this. fun and exciting things come our way at random times in our lives just like the bad is random. there are patterns we can follow but not all are prepared. nor are they always easy. do me a favor and youtube research excentrix he wrote a song called sweetest pirncess and was on american idol. thank you.
I'm proud of you! I'm currently at over 135 days without cutting, but I can't say the same for all methods of self-injury. Partly, it was you that helped me with this fight. I will keep you posted, even though you don't know me, really. But I wanna let my motivation know their work :)
I have constant thoughts about how I shouldn't eat, even though I've not really had a lot of issues with EDs before... But seeing how strong you are... It helps. Thanks, for being here.
honey!!!! i feel sad for you that you are struggling, but i know that you can and you WILL pick yourself up cuz you always do!!!!! i love you!!!!! and i hope your mom is doing ok. is she?
@Bloodygeek1 i think it depends on how old you are. if you are at least 16, you can be deemed capable of living on your own, but this may not be what you want. if she forces you in a way that can be considered abuse, than it is illegal, but i would check with your local law enforcement to check the laws. hope you see this and it helps.
@Bloodygeek1 my mom use to make me wear a little tank top, and short shorts, i do believe that the whole stripping is going to far. I agree with everyone whose saying to tell a school counseler or something, or tell you'r mom you wont, unless you'll talk to a counseler at school.
Melissa, I'm so proud of you. <3 You had a fantastic run of no EDs and you went to get help straight away, which shows tremendous strength and courage. Everyone falls; don't beat yourself up about this one time. You'll get up again and no matter what you think or feel now, the urges will go away. Stay strong. You've helped so many others, myself included. Take all the time you need to help yourself. I'll be praying for you. = ) <3
Refer back to your video of Oct 2009 when you were home for the weekend before returning to the hospital. You said you don't want worse - you want to get better. You encouraged everyone to FIGHT! I do not have the same disorders as you - I do have my own demons though. 1 John 3:19, 20...Remember, God is greater than our hearts. It's when are hearts are deeply troubled by our "defects" that God draws ever closer to us. Isaiah 57:15 Psalm 34:17, 18. Much love to you dear...keep FIGHTING!!!
your so strong you keep holding on i want to give you a hug sooo bad so here it is ( 1 million hugs) i love you your an awesome person and im so gonna read your book
You absolutely deserve to win the battle and wear whatever you want with confidence! Bulimia is such a monster and it's really hard to get a grip, but it can happen. I hope it happens for you really soon. You're in my thoughts, and since I've been offline awhile, I gotta say, nice hair! Take care and happy long weekend. I also am waiting for proper therapy and cannot afford private. Very frustrating, I'm hoping you get yours soon.
Hi, I'm a new viewer. Sorry to hear about your relapse. I'm glad you went back into the hospital to try to help yourself. I like your hair brown, is that your natural hair color? I know I saw your video about your book and it was bleach blonde. Sorry the hospital didn't help. *hugs* I don't know how I'm going to hide my scars. :/ I thought I could wear a band-aid, but I really don't want to do that because I have a scar from wearing those. Makeup doesn't work that well either--rubs off.
good job on the 81 days! that's wonderful sweetie. proud of you! I'm sorry to hear that Bulimia is gotten so bad again -hugs- you can beat this love xxx
I'v been cut free for 31 days, I been out of the hospital for 17 days and it's been hard of me every day. And you been cut free for 81days that just amazing you can do it you can beat this don't let that stupid pice of what of whatever you use to cut control you. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT. You are a great person. If you need a reason not to cut just look at all the people you helped by making all of thees videos I know that you helped me so much with me cutting you have no idea how much you chan
dont give up dude! ur doing so good for having gone 81 days without SI-ing! thats amazing! just remember that if u keep it up then u'll b able to wear those fishnet leggings or whatever u called them lol. and im glad to hear ur workin on the video :) cant wait to see it! hope u feel better soon <3
You are an amazingly strong woman and one of my true friends :) I wondered y I did not get a myspace message back from you. I hope ur doing ok Hun. Rememeber every day u don't slip up is a day u win. Don't let the days u slip take u down! You can do it. Read the verus u gave me before I know they will help some. I got ur back too just message me when u need to talk. -3
Aww honey! You genuinely seem sad and that makes me sad. You're usually a happy person, so when you're sad it's more of a big deal. I hope you're feeling better soon. Also...I heard somewhere that soaking your scars (old ones, nothing fresh!) in lemon juice fades the redness. Haven't tried it yet but I'm hoping it works. Anyway BIG HUGS for you!
You're fighting so hard, and everyone here is proud of you for that. We're sending you support and strength in your recovery- fingers crossed for you :)
I know it's hard girly, but, you are doing awesome! 81 days is wow! This relapse is just a knockdown, but, your getting right back up, stronger than before ♥
I want to say its kind of funny that only a self-injurer would get so much excitement out of being able to wear shorts and stockings, and skirts. Ha, which is not a bad thing, because I totally understand you on that one. I have too been struggling quite a bit these past couple weeks but I have been trying to stay strong. I know you can do the same. I hope things start getting better for ya! Sending lots of love your way. :) P.S. I ordered your book off of Amazon, it should be here anyday! :)
Good for you for taking the initiative to seek help, even if it wasn't particularly helpful. Keep trying until you get the help you need. Congratulations on your progress. :) Hang in there, love. You can beat this. <3
Lots of love, you have an awesome goal with the fishnet thing, I was like that for softball season, I wanted to wear shorts to practice so I set a goal of not having any fresh cuts by a certain week. Then I lost count, but i think It was about a month I went w/ out cutting. 81 days is amazing, stay strong!
*hugs* I hope you feel better soon, and congrats on the 81 days! That is really good! Stay strong and keep fighting! I am glad you were able to make a video and talk about your struggles and it is good to see that you are out of hospital and back at home! It is really great that you realized fairly quickly that you needed to go into the hospital and get this back under control, that really shows a lot of strength of character!
81 days is wonderful melissa. Ive gone about 2 months without cutting and ended up scratching my leg earlier yesterday ,almost broke thru the skin twice, therapy tomorrow not looking forward to it but i know you have the strength bcs you made it that long without failing, just remember it matter how many times you et back up, not how many times you fall down
First of all, I just want to say that I've been watching your videos for awhile, and I think you're awesome. The fact that you are able to admit it when you fall and work hard to get back up is truly an inspiration. I am dealing with the urge to cut right now, too. I cut for 9 years and just recently finished DBT for BPD, and it changed my life. I haven't cut in 6 months. I don't want to go back to that. So I can relate to you. Have you ever tried DBT?
I'm really proud of you Melissa. Keep up the good work. Remember that addiction I told you I have? Guess what??? Its almost gone, but I do have my bad days.
Its sad to see you like this. I wish you the best of luck with all of this. You seem so much from happy and bubbly when you are ED and SI free. I understand the SI. The last time I did was a week ago. I had it. Im so ashamed but i need it. 81 days is great! you can do it!!!
I understand your mental deliberation with thinking about cutting. For me I told myself I needed to stop and got support from my boyfriend (talking things out and generally calming myself down and reanalyzing matters). I have not cut or hit myself since about October and although some days are really hard, I keep my willpower going. I know it may take more work for you (different things causing and such), but hopefully you keep your streak...it gives me a sense of pride knowing what I can do.
You should watch your videos about eating and self harm. Watch some of your mini movies, remind yourself of what you can do, what you have done and what you will do. I went like 6-8 months without cutting and then BANG a couple weeks in February and that time sort of felt lost. You've only fallen partway down the hill, these are hard things to get over. Don't feel like you screwed up, I mean yeah it was a slip up, but that is life and you gotta roll with it.
Honey, you don't need me to tell you it's not worth it. *hug*
If you cut now, you'll get a short term release, but if you push through these urges, you'll feel so good about yourself in the long run. Release is short term, but scaring is long term.
You're strong, I know you can get through this.
Push through it, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't care how cheesy that is, it's true!
I know you can get through this, just keep fighting. <3
Keep fighting, love! I know you CAN and WILL get thru this! you're sooooo entirely strong! i'm always here for you, 100%. I'm just a mssge away! i've been clean of si/ed for almost 2 weeks. I fight for you and anyone else struggling. You're my biggest hero and constantly in my prayers! II wish i cld hold you and take away your pain! Maybe one day i'll finally meet you and we can hang <3.
i read the descrpition and honey,cutting it NOT worth it. I have been in your place and have self harmed for a number of years and im ahppy to say I dont anymore. If you cut yourself, your not helping anyone. When you cut yourself, your problems are still there. NO CUT OR SCAR IS WORTH BEING ON YOUR SKIN! Your better than that! You can get through your cutting fi your mind is set on it and you have hope. Trust me.Please try. Cutting doesn't solve anything. It never did and never will for anyone.
@alittledeadbirdtold SHE'S FIGHTING SHE'S FIGHTING!!!! she's battled cutting for 20 years I think *she looks 23 to me* but I think she's realised that it's not worth it but it's addictive so she's getting better 81 days!! YAYY!!! :) <3 Stay Strong Melissa!!! xx
You got a whole lot on your plate ,dont be so down ,life is tough,and you will pull through this.It maybe another rainy day,even as the sun beams,the clouds are rolling by.
Been there,such a bummer you are going through another one.I think we will all go through it with you.Besides it is raining here !
Hoy,don`t let the clouds get ya down,they are allways moving,taking their weight with them.
Tomorrow the sun will break through the clouds and"How a you doing "will bounce back.
I know you will be able to survive this because we all know how strong you are, how your positive attitude in your videos rubs off on us all. I'm sure that every single subscriber is here to support you and has total and utter faith in you and your recovery. Good luck and please don't ever give up :D <3 xx
i know you can do it, i know you can get better. I have faith in you, and you're so strong, and i want to see you be happy again! because even though i don't really know you, it is very sad to see you this way. good luck,it is a very tough battle and i hope to hear about your steps to recovery very soon.
Hi Melissa 81 days is very good, you should be proud of it. I hope you keep it up as you are a good person and are helping a lot of good people help themselves.
Melissa! My name is Millie, I'm halfway through your book and I also am a self injurer, bulimic, recently addictded to my medication, seroquel, valium, rambling ocd ect. I think it was cruel of the nurses and such to take your arm warmers + other stuff! I really feel for you, you seem such a warm hearted person I wish I could meet you! I live in Australia so far away and yet I feel we can relate. Your book is amazing and I cant wait to finish! Congrats on 81 days keep it up & good luck!!!
This makes me sad because I can see that you're clearly not feeling good. You do seem in a bad place and that sucks... but you know you can get through it as you have before. Keep strong and keep getting yourself help if you need it (btw, I was very impressed at you taking yourself to hospital, I could never do that even when I knew I needed help so that's something to be proud of!).
You'll get through it Melissa =] try and keep positive! =D
Awe honey :( I'm sorry! You're so strong, though.. don't give up! So proud of you! Not cutting or having anything to do with ED's for that long is really great <3
I'am sending you good vibrations from Brazil, hopefuly this kind of stuff doesn't need the mail service to be sent, so its up to you to grab it and feel it, even if its only for a tiny amount of time, like right now !
please search this term on you tube jessie j who you are boom box series. this is my hand reaching down to help you get back on your feet. here's to 82,83,84,85,86,87,88,89,90,91,92,93,94,95,96,97,98,99,100,102,103,104,105,106,107,108,109,110,111,112,113,114,115,116,117,118,119,120 to infinity. please get on the computer and do some editing to take your mind off the building pressure. (;(;melissa;);) this is my virtual hug, hope it helps honey.
If you haven't read 'Life without Ed' by Jenni Schaefer/Thom Rutledge, you may want to. My therapist pushed me for months to read it. I'm finally making my way through it. That book alone has inspired me to try to leave Ed behind. He was two years strong 24/7 and it's been a week. It's unbelievable. :)
Ugh... I hate Ed. Congrats on the 98 days! I'm on 7 days and can't imagine making it that long. :)
And 81 days... beautiful. I hope you can make it through this episode. When you're able to wear those fishnets, you'll be wearing them proud because of the accomplishment. Stay strong, girlie!
The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but when it comes to Ed and Si, the grass is always greener no matter which fence you jump over just as long as you're not in their yard anymore.
Oh, love! I almost want to dislike this video, 'cause this is not a likeable thing. :) But you know what, I'm not scared. I'm not scared for you. I have utter and total faith in you. Just seeing how long you went without the eating disorders and the cutting, I know you can get back to that. Everyone has relapses and the fact that you went straight to the hospital just shows me how strong you are and that you will definitely defeat this. I'm not worried. You're going to be okay. Hang in there.
Stay strong Stay strong please stay strong that's all I'm thinking right now I'm thinking about you and how I live so far that I can only hope to help with words. You are a beautiful person. And lol just think scince you have been on YouTube there are a thousand + more people who care about how YOU are! -3 -3 -3
I'm sorry about your relapse I know that you will get over this. Don't cut!. I think it's good you have a positive incentive not to. I'm thinking about purchasing and reading your book because of sullengirls review. I wish you the best of luck right now.
Find something to distrackt the mind. (Cognitive restructuring) easier said then done but if you get the hang of it it really helps. I wish you strength! :)
Super well done on the 98 days, that's amazing! What kind of signs does your body show that it's lacking in what it needs? Dry skin, hair loss etc? xxxx
It's so good you went to the hospital to get help, I'm sure you will over come this relapse soon. 81 days without self injury is amazing, hang in there!
Aww, *hugs Melissa* Im sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. I believe you can make it through this - you've come so far, and in time you'll be able to get back on your feet again <3 81 days is amazing - you are so inspiring, I hope you can find the strength to keep going. Fishnet pantyhose is a really good, Inspirtation to refrain from cutting :D I hope the 'how did you quit' collab video will be on soon - its an awesome idea :) Stay strong! <3.
Aww, *hugs Melissa* Im sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. I believe you can make it through this - you've come so far, and in time you'll be able to get back on your feet again <3 81 days is amazing - you are so inspiring, I hope you can find the strength to keep going. Fishnet pantyhose is a really good, Inspirtation to refrain from cutting :D I hope the 'how did you quit' collab video will be on soon - its an awesome idea :) Stay strong! <3
you'll get back on track soon. 98 days is amazing without any ED acts. slip ups are part of the process. they're just making you stronger so you're better equipped for when you're able to stop for good. and 81 days is so good! i'm currently at 116 days without SI'ing (longest i've ever gone) and it's so hard sometimes. but the fact i've held out for so long gives me a lot of incentive to keep going. i know you can do it too <3
:( I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. It's so frustrating how we can make it for months and then just fall back into things. Stay strong.
oh nooo!! I dont know if you will ever read this...but be strong, your videos helped me so much in getting better, but please dont self injure, you are my inspiration!! Have hope, you can do this!! I'm sorry that so much people might go to you for help with their struggle in self injuring and other problems, that might not help with your urges ;__;
And you've gotten so thin, please keep your hope!! Your a beautiful, strong-willed, caring person. please take care <3
im in a place were i wont to cut to and my god its hard not to like i that i was the only one that would thank about different places to cut but yah hop things get better for you :) im not bulimic but i have days were i will starve myself an days were im scared to eat but yah fill better :)
hello:) my name is marlana and im only 12 and i have bulimia anorexia and binge. also i cut myself and ive already been to the phase of passing out several times. do have have any advice or tips on how to hold off on SI, binging, and puging?
therealmarlana 3 months ago
@therealmarlana
I have several vids on that
you can find a thread of them in the option on my channel page
idranktheseawater 3 months ago
what happened to the touretts did they leave.
SavageHmr 3 months ago
@SavageHmr
No, it didnt leave
I have them a lot every day, butI dont have my tics constantly in the day. I get breaks from it.
idranktheseawater 3 months ago
i have a problem. it lies at work. hmmm my work moved me to a cubicle to the back corner away from everyone. they dont want me interacting with anyone i work with. some people are scared of me i guess. im not allowed to go into the office i used to work in anymore. and i dont know what to do anymore. i have a psychotic way of thinking where i say think and do things that are not of sound mind. at the moment it seems normal but i dont know anymore please help.
tboy221 8 months ago
sorry hun been 2 years no ed n now starting to relapse i know how dissapointing it can be but you are a trong girl i know you can beat this
katiejaysafe 8 months ago
stay strong. all of your subscribers on YouTube, your family and friends, we're all behind you. everybody falls off the wagon, just be sure to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. I've been SI free for a month now and the urge still comes, but I fight back. you inspire me. :)
iKillTheLights3 9 months ago
I think that you are a really great person putting yourself out there to help others! Sorry to hear that you are struggling a bit but you were doing so well and that tells me that eventually you will conquer your illnesses.
Stay strong!
LaPlaztique 9 months ago
You have shown an amazing strength by a) admitting that your ED has relapsed to yourself and us b) you took the step to admit yourself to hospital........81 days you are AMAZING.....you will be ok I 'know' it x x x
justlotte82 9 months ago
I'm proud you made it so long for both.
gewulentus 9 months ago
melissa there are many things in the world some good some bad most are somewhere in between. i just dont know how we ever make it through our lives this long but believe me when i say this. fun and exciting things come our way at random times in our lives just like the bad is random. there are patterns we can follow but not all are prepared. nor are they always easy. do me a favor and youtube research excentrix he wrote a song called sweetest pirncess and was on american idol. thank you.
tboy221 9 months ago
Thinking of you Mel, you're not alone! Lots of hugs coming your way! Stay strong!
starfieldrock101 9 months ago
I'm proud of you! I'm currently at over 135 days without cutting, but I can't say the same for all methods of self-injury. Partly, it was you that helped me with this fight. I will keep you posted, even though you don't know me, really. But I wanna let my motivation know their work :)
I have constant thoughts about how I shouldn't eat, even though I've not really had a lot of issues with EDs before... But seeing how strong you are... It helps. Thanks, for being here.
~Bri
yaoikawaii123 9 months ago
I know how you feel i was just recently in the hospital for attemted suicide and cutting and they both naw at my mind all the time
Onthebrightside4ever 9 months ago
you're not alone either Melissa! Hugs to you
BlueRoseCrimson 9 months ago
can i give you a huge hug? I hope you get better soon!
catostrophix 9 months ago
I had to lie my face off to NOT get admitted... I really admire you for wanting to get better enough to go on your own!
popsensationjanna 9 months ago
Have you been better?
kenny48326 9 months ago
honey!!!! i feel sad for you that you are struggling, but i know that you can and you WILL pick yourself up cuz you always do!!!!! i love you!!!!! and i hope your mom is doing ok. is she?
rebexjay 9 months ago
I too just got out of the hospital for bulimia umong other things. Just take things 5 minutes at a time :) and I hope the very best for you
rudysees 9 months ago
Yea, time for an update M.
MonacoBlast 9 months ago
@MonacoBlast
I will soon ;)
idranktheseawater 9 months ago
@idranktheseawater
my mum wants me to undress in front of her every Monday so she can see if i hae cut or not,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Can she do this??
should i allow it.......please help
Bloodygeek1 9 months ago
@Bloodygeek1
Really?
That's awful
I think she should get some advice from a professional.
I would certainly advise against it.
idranktheseawater 9 months ago
@idranktheseawater
Can she make me........im freaked out
Bloodygeek1 9 months ago
@Bloodygeek1
I dont know the law for that
I hope not
idranktheseawater 9 months ago
@Bloodygeek1 i think it depends on how old you are. if you are at least 16, you can be deemed capable of living on your own, but this may not be what you want. if she forces you in a way that can be considered abuse, than it is illegal, but i would check with your local law enforcement to check the laws. hope you see this and it helps.
MrProphetofdoom 7 months ago
@Bloodygeek1 my mom use to make me wear a little tank top, and short shorts, i do believe that the whole stripping is going to far. I agree with everyone whose saying to tell a school counseler or something, or tell you'r mom you wont, unless you'll talk to a counseler at school.
whiteXcloud 7 months ago
Melissa! I truly wish you the best! <3
vanityandveins 9 months ago
80+ and 90+ days is very good!
And very good too, with a setback or slip-up, that you want to work to get back on track.
MichaelPaoli 9 months ago
Be strong hun :) sorry about the relapse. Im kinda in the same situation now. Take care and be strong :)
Left4Fail 9 months ago
Melissa, I'm so proud of you. <3 You had a fantastic run of no EDs and you went to get help straight away, which shows tremendous strength and courage. Everyone falls; don't beat yourself up about this one time. You'll get up again and no matter what you think or feel now, the urges will go away. Stay strong. You've helped so many others, myself included. Take all the time you need to help yourself. I'll be praying for you. = ) <3
patchworkbreath 9 months ago
Refer back to your video of Oct 2009 when you were home for the weekend before returning to the hospital. You said you don't want worse - you want to get better. You encouraged everyone to FIGHT! I do not have the same disorders as you - I do have my own demons though. 1 John 3:19, 20...Remember, God is greater than our hearts. It's when are hearts are deeply troubled by our "defects" that God draws ever closer to us. Isaiah 57:15 Psalm 34:17, 18. Much love to you dear...keep FIGHTING!!!
jennyGray2005x 9 months ago
your so strong you keep holding on i want to give you a hug sooo bad so here it is ( 1 million hugs) i love you your an awesome person and im so gonna read your book
happysun995 9 months ago
awwww
dftmmwgitd 9 months ago
You absolutely deserve to win the battle and wear whatever you want with confidence! Bulimia is such a monster and it's really hard to get a grip, but it can happen. I hope it happens for you really soon. You're in my thoughts, and since I've been offline awhile, I gotta say, nice hair! Take care and happy long weekend. I also am waiting for proper therapy and cannot afford private. Very frustrating, I'm hoping you get yours soon.
eluvzmokie 9 months ago
Hi, I'm a new viewer. Sorry to hear about your relapse. I'm glad you went back into the hospital to try to help yourself. I like your hair brown, is that your natural hair color? I know I saw your video about your book and it was bleach blonde. Sorry the hospital didn't help. *hugs* I don't know how I'm going to hide my scars. :/ I thought I could wear a band-aid, but I really don't want to do that because I have a scar from wearing those. Makeup doesn't work that well either--rubs off.
jlt1984 9 months ago
That's great the longest in the past 7 months for me has been 3 weeks and 2 days
Purpleandblackrawsom 9 months ago
good job on the 81 days! that's wonderful sweetie. proud of you! I'm sorry to hear that Bulimia is gotten so bad again -hugs- you can beat this love xxx
anaxgoth 9 months ago
Please don't cut you helped me so much with cutting I can't thank you enuf
(I know I have bad spelling :)
kenny48326 9 months ago
You are a great person just don't cut your better than that please don't cut because your a amazing person
kenny48326 9 months ago
I'v been cut free for 31 days, I been out of the hospital for 17 days and it's been hard of me every day. And you been cut free for 81days that just amazing you can do it you can beat this don't let that stupid pice of what of whatever you use to cut control you. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT. You are a great person. If you need a reason not to cut just look at all the people you helped by making all of thees videos I know that you helped me so much with me cutting you have no idea how much you chan
kenny48326 9 months ago
dont give up dude! ur doing so good for having gone 81 days without SI-ing! thats amazing! just remember that if u keep it up then u'll b able to wear those fishnet leggings or whatever u called them lol. and im glad to hear ur workin on the video :) cant wait to see it! hope u feel better soon <3
XFallsxApartX 9 months ago
@idranktheseawater im in the hospital right now being treated under watched gaurds in my room all night any ideas on how to pass time
TheWhiteRapper13 9 months ago
You are an amazingly strong woman and one of my true friends :) I wondered y I did not get a myspace message back from you. I hope ur doing ok Hun. Rememeber every day u don't slip up is a day u win. Don't let the days u slip take u down! You can do it. Read the verus u gave me before I know they will help some. I got ur back too just message me when u need to talk. -3
winterskiss1991 9 months ago
Aww honey! You genuinely seem sad and that makes me sad. You're usually a happy person, so when you're sad it's more of a big deal. I hope you're feeling better soon. Also...I heard somewhere that soaking your scars (old ones, nothing fresh!) in lemon juice fades the redness. Haven't tried it yet but I'm hoping it works. Anyway BIG HUGS for you!
leighannenoelle 9 months ago
You're fighting so hard, and everyone here is proud of you for that. We're sending you support and strength in your recovery- fingers crossed for you :)
mentalhealthhelpUK 9 months ago
Keep trying remember all the days you went without!
TheKatSpaz 9 months ago
I was having an anxiety attack just before i went on youtube, then i watched this video and im nice and calm. :) thank you.
pacowillrocko 9 months ago
stay strong! you can beat this, i know sometimes it just feels hopeless... sometimes i feel that way with my cutting, but you can do this!
trinketzx77 9 months ago
WELL DONE!!!!!!!POSITIVITY PLUS PLUS TO THINK U TOOK IMMEDIATE ACTIONA ND TRUSTED THE NON-ED PART OF U!THATS HUGE PROGRESS!!
lostlittlegurlygurl 9 months ago
I know it's hard girly, but, you are doing awesome! 81 days is wow! This relapse is just a knockdown, but, your getting right back up, stronger than before ♥
EMOCiiONAL82 9 months ago
I want to say its kind of funny that only a self-injurer would get so much excitement out of being able to wear shorts and stockings, and skirts. Ha, which is not a bad thing, because I totally understand you on that one. I have too been struggling quite a bit these past couple weeks but I have been trying to stay strong. I know you can do the same. I hope things start getting better for ya! Sending lots of love your way. :) P.S. I ordered your book off of Amazon, it should be here anyday! :)
joysoflife7 9 months ago
Ugh I mixed up the days without bulimia and the days without cutting
sorry D:
ElmoWritesLove18 9 months ago
81 days is so amazing <3. I'm so proud of you. I hope you make it back to 81 days and even farther, I believe in you.
ElmoWritesLove18 9 months ago
Good for you for taking the initiative to seek help, even if it wasn't particularly helpful. Keep trying until you get the help you need. Congratulations on your progress. :) Hang in there, love. You can beat this. <3
xxashleyRxx 9 months ago
my hopes are with you try and stay strong
nakedsadist 9 months ago
Lots of love, you have an awesome goal with the fishnet thing, I was like that for softball season, I wanted to wear shorts to practice so I set a goal of not having any fresh cuts by a certain week. Then I lost count, but i think It was about a month I went w/ out cutting. 81 days is amazing, stay strong!
conoriginal 9 months ago
*hugs* I hope you feel better soon, and congrats on the 81 days! That is really good! Stay strong and keep fighting! I am glad you were able to make a video and talk about your struggles and it is good to see that you are out of hospital and back at home! It is really great that you realized fairly quickly that you needed to go into the hospital and get this back under control, that really shows a lot of strength of character!
TheEmmyR 9 months ago
81 days is wonderful melissa. Ive gone about 2 months without cutting and ended up scratching my leg earlier yesterday ,almost broke thru the skin twice, therapy tomorrow not looking forward to it but i know you have the strength bcs you made it that long without failing, just remember it matter how many times you et back up, not how many times you fall down
FairyChesirePirate 9 months ago
thats wat i keep saying cuz i want to wear shorts and be able to go swimming at my lake this summer
Bandit5897 9 months ago
You're awesome. Never let anyone EVER convince you differently.
LeaveHerAloneMusic 9 months ago
Keep fighting dont give in to your temptations ive been going through the same thing and i reqlly dont want to relapse
TheWhiteRapper13 9 months ago
Keep fight i
TheWhiteRapper13 9 months ago
First of all, I just want to say that I've been watching your videos for awhile, and I think you're awesome. The fact that you are able to admit it when you fall and work hard to get back up is truly an inspiration. I am dealing with the urge to cut right now, too. I cut for 9 years and just recently finished DBT for BPD, and it changed my life. I haven't cut in 6 months. I don't want to go back to that. So I can relate to you. Have you ever tried DBT?
jmcochran410 9 months ago
Please stay strong! I know you can! Take a deep breath(: it's all going to be okay. By the way you and your hair are really pretty(: much love!
ClandestineGirl16X 9 months ago
Btw Melissa....hows your lizard doing and your farretts?
TheSkaters1631 9 months ago
I'm really proud of you Melissa. Keep up the good work. Remember that addiction I told you I have? Guess what??? Its almost gone, but I do have my bad days.
TheSkaters1631 9 months ago
Its sad to see you like this. I wish you the best of luck with all of this. You seem so much from happy and bubbly when you are ED and SI free. I understand the SI. The last time I did was a week ago. I had it. Im so ashamed but i need it. 81 days is great! you can do it!!!
mhs2007 9 months ago
I understand your mental deliberation with thinking about cutting. For me I told myself I needed to stop and got support from my boyfriend (talking things out and generally calming myself down and reanalyzing matters). I have not cut or hit myself since about October and although some days are really hard, I keep my willpower going. I know it may take more work for you (different things causing and such), but hopefully you keep your streak...it gives me a sense of pride knowing what I can do.
darkestnight128 9 months ago
81 days is so awesome! That takes a lot of strength to accomplish, and you are such a strong and positive role model for me and countless others.
bayareastisti 9 months ago
You should watch your videos about eating and self harm. Watch some of your mini movies, remind yourself of what you can do, what you have done and what you will do. I went like 6-8 months without cutting and then BANG a couple weeks in February and that time sort of felt lost. You've only fallen partway down the hill, these are hard things to get over. Don't feel like you screwed up, I mean yeah it was a slip up, but that is life and you gotta roll with it.
Scissorhands64 9 months ago
noooo....dont give in, we're rooting for you to get better :)
horsesandmusic247 9 months ago
Honey, you don't need me to tell you it's not worth it. *hug*
If you cut now, you'll get a short term release, but if you push through these urges, you'll feel so good about yourself in the long run. Release is short term, but scaring is long term.
You're strong, I know you can get through this.
Push through it, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't care how cheesy that is, it's true!
I know you can get through this, just keep fighting. <3
georgiamay8413 9 months ago
Keep fighting, love! I know you CAN and WILL get thru this! you're sooooo entirely strong! i'm always here for you, 100%. I'm just a mssge away! i've been clean of si/ed for almost 2 weeks. I fight for you and anyone else struggling. You're my biggest hero and constantly in my prayers! II wish i cld hold you and take away your pain! Maybe one day i'll finally meet you and we can hang <3.
lyssatwirler 9 months ago
i read the descrpition and honey,cutting it NOT worth it. I have been in your place and have self harmed for a number of years and im ahppy to say I dont anymore. If you cut yourself, your not helping anyone. When you cut yourself, your problems are still there. NO CUT OR SCAR IS WORTH BEING ON YOUR SKIN! Your better than that! You can get through your cutting fi your mind is set on it and you have hope. Trust me.Please try. Cutting doesn't solve anything. It never did and never will for anyone.
alittledeadbirdtold 9 months ago
@alittledeadbirdtold SHE'S FIGHTING SHE'S FIGHTING!!!! she's battled cutting for 20 years I think *she looks 23 to me* but I think she's realised that it's not worth it but it's addictive so she's getting better 81 days!! YAYY!!! :) <3 Stay Strong Melissa!!! xx
paperwhiterose 9 months ago
You got a whole lot on your plate ,dont be so down ,life is tough,and you will pull through this.It maybe another rainy day,even as the sun beams,the clouds are rolling by.
Been there,such a bummer you are going through another one.I think we will all go through it with you.Besides it is raining here !
Hoy,don`t let the clouds get ya down,they are allways moving,taking their weight with them.
Tomorrow the sun will break through the clouds and"How a you doing "will bounce back.
gringoboy9 9 months ago
sorry to see that you are struggling right now.
i hope you feel better and can wear your fishnets. <3
leggsXinXaXtopXhat 9 months ago
I know you will be able to survive this because we all know how strong you are, how your positive attitude in your videos rubs off on us all. I'm sure that every single subscriber is here to support you and has total and utter faith in you and your recovery. Good luck and please don't ever give up :D <3 xx
DaughterOfVampire 9 months ago
i know you can do it, i know you can get better. I have faith in you, and you're so strong, and i want to see you be happy again! because even though i don't really know you, it is very sad to see you this way. good luck,it is a very tough battle and i hope to hear about your steps to recovery very soon.
reiasukayui 9 months ago
You should try getting weekly therapy. It's a bit tiring, but I've found that I got the best results with it.
Bulimia free for two years now :)
Ebvardh 9 months ago
Hi Melissa 81 days is very good, you should be proud of it. I hope you keep it up as you are a good person and are helping a lot of good people help themselves.
awesome1est93 9 months ago 10
Please don't hurt yourself, Melissa. You wouldn't do it to someone else. Hugs.
jjaack08 9 months ago
Melissa! My name is Millie, I'm halfway through your book and I also am a self injurer, bulimic, recently addictded to my medication, seroquel, valium, rambling ocd ect. I think it was cruel of the nurses and such to take your arm warmers + other stuff! I really feel for you, you seem such a warm hearted person I wish I could meet you! I live in Australia so far away and yet I feel we can relate. Your book is amazing and I cant wait to finish! Congrats on 81 days keep it up & good luck!!!
millieeek 9 months ago
=[
This makes me sad because I can see that you're clearly not feeling good. You do seem in a bad place and that sucks... but you know you can get through it as you have before. Keep strong and keep getting yourself help if you need it (btw, I was very impressed at you taking yourself to hospital, I could never do that even when I knew I needed help so that's something to be proud of!).
You'll get through it Melissa =] try and keep positive! =D
Jade x
SinfulHymn 9 months ago
Im dealing with anorexia. I feel ya about the cutting too. Hope you get better. You are free to message me.
angelofbluefire13 9 months ago
Awe honey :( I'm sorry! You're so strong, though.. don't give up! So proud of you! Not cutting or having anything to do with ED's for that long is really great <3
Tink0714 9 months ago
Please stay stong not for us but for you! We love you and we have complete faith in you!
HappyIsFleeting 9 months ago
I'am sending you good vibrations from Brazil, hopefuly this kind of stuff doesn't need the mail service to be sent, so its up to you to grab it and feel it, even if its only for a tiny amount of time, like right now !
=)
ivanovisk 9 months ago
please search this term on you tube jessie j who you are boom box series. this is my hand reaching down to help you get back on your feet. here's to 82,83,84,85,86,87,88,89,90,91,92,93,94,95,96,97,98,99,100,102,103,104,105,106,107,108,109,110,111,112,113,114,115,116,117,118,119,120 to infinity. please get on the computer and do some editing to take your mind off the building pressure. (;(;melissa;);) this is my virtual hug, hope it helps honey.
xxxlbrock 9 months ago
If you haven't read 'Life without Ed' by Jenni Schaefer/Thom Rutledge, you may want to. My therapist pushed me for months to read it. I'm finally making my way through it. That book alone has inspired me to try to leave Ed behind. He was two years strong 24/7 and it's been a week. It's unbelievable. :)
adrienne317 9 months ago
Ugh... I hate Ed. Congrats on the 98 days! I'm on 7 days and can't imagine making it that long. :)
And 81 days... beautiful. I hope you can make it through this episode. When you're able to wear those fishnets, you'll be wearing them proud because of the accomplishment. Stay strong, girlie!
The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but when it comes to Ed and Si, the grass is always greener no matter which fence you jump over just as long as you're not in their yard anymore.
<3
adrienne317 9 months ago
you can do it! :D
somekindamillie 9 months ago
81 days without cutting? you're my hero. stay strong, because if you can then it kinda gives me hope that I might be able to. <3
sammiGxx 9 months ago
Oh, love! I almost want to dislike this video, 'cause this is not a likeable thing. :) But you know what, I'm not scared. I'm not scared for you. I have utter and total faith in you. Just seeing how long you went without the eating disorders and the cutting, I know you can get back to that. Everyone has relapses and the fact that you went straight to the hospital just shows me how strong you are and that you will definitely defeat this. I'm not worried. You're going to be okay. Hang in there.
citinsummikk 9 months ago 34
Well you should be proud you made it that long ^^ you just need to stay strong and never give up! im rooting for you to get better X)
kessen100 9 months ago
Stay strong Stay strong please stay strong that's all I'm thinking right now I'm thinking about you and how I live so far that I can only hope to help with words. You are a beautiful person. And lol just think scince you have been on YouTube there are a thousand + more people who care about how YOU are! -3 -3 -3
tazsta10 9 months ago
you're soo strong and you inspire so many people to be like you... keep fighting! we all love you:)
schmiedsterrr 9 months ago
We wish you strength.
We send our love.
MonacoBlast 9 months ago
I'm sorry about your relapse I know that you will get over this. Don't cut!. I think it's good you have a positive incentive not to. I'm thinking about purchasing and reading your book because of sullengirls review. I wish you the best of luck right now.
TransmissionFilms 9 months ago
Im really sorry to hear about your relapse, you're such a lovely person and I hope you feel better in yourself soon <3
thespectrebride 9 months ago
Find something to distrackt the mind. (Cognitive restructuring) easier said then done but if you get the hang of it it really helps. I wish you strength! :)
EdEditz 9 months ago
Super well done on the 98 days, that's amazing! What kind of signs does your body show that it's lacking in what it needs? Dry skin, hair loss etc? xxxx
contractkisses 9 months ago
It's so good you went to the hospital to get help, I'm sure you will over come this relapse soon. 81 days without self injury is amazing, hang in there!
take care x
0yellowcat0 9 months ago
Dont give up. Remember how amazing you are :) xx
keetahbabee 9 months ago
Feel better <3 best wishes.
Bazingannie 9 months ago
Are you in therapy? x
FamilyTree89 9 months ago
@FamilyTree89
Yes, but only once a month
I'm supposed to get more soon
idranktheseawater 9 months ago
@idranktheseawater
do you think mental health wards/hospitals are good places??
Bloodygeek11 9 months ago
@Bloodygeek11
That depends on the situation and on the ward
often what they can do is limited
but a good thing is they can monitor us during changes in meds and connect us to help like therapists and psychiatrists.
They can keep us from hurting ourselves or from purging our meals....etc
idranktheseawater 9 months ago
Aww, *hugs Melissa* Im sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. I believe you can make it through this - you've come so far, and in time you'll be able to get back on your feet again <3 81 days is amazing - you are so inspiring, I hope you can find the strength to keep going. Fishnet pantyhose is a really good, Inspirtation to refrain from cutting :D I hope the 'how did you quit' collab video will be on soon - its an awesome idea :) Stay strong! <3.
CheyGXo 9 months ago
Aww, *hugs Melissa* Im sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. I believe you can make it through this - you've come so far, and in time you'll be able to get back on your feet again <3 81 days is amazing - you are so inspiring, I hope you can find the strength to keep going. Fishnet pantyhose is a really good, Inspirtation to refrain from cutting :D I hope the 'how did you quit' collab video will be on soon - its an awesome idea :) Stay strong! <3
CheyGXo 9 months ago
Just posting to show some love, sending hugs your direction. Be kind, warm and loving toward yourself as you are worth every bit. :) Samantha
SatansHam 9 months ago
you'll get back on track soon. 98 days is amazing without any ED acts. slip ups are part of the process. they're just making you stronger so you're better equipped for when you're able to stop for good. and 81 days is so good! i'm currently at 116 days without SI'ing (longest i've ever gone) and it's so hard sometimes. but the fact i've held out for so long gives me a lot of incentive to keep going. i know you can do it too <3
Loves2Sing86 9 months ago
I just want to hug you and make you better xx
amy1bacon 9 months ago
What happened? You went such a time
xmoroseguyx 9 months ago
I hope you feel better Mellisa *huggles*
A few steps, or even leaps backwards can be difficult, but you are a strong person, and can get past it all. :) I believe in you *huggles*
RhayvenBlood 9 months ago
:( I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. It's so frustrating how we can make it for months and then just fall back into things. Stay strong.
stoneman851 9 months ago
i really hope you can get through this hun.
youre so much stronger than you think.
xo.
molly497 9 months ago
Everyone relapses but I hope you get through it as unscathed as possible. =]
TKDrocks15 9 months ago
get better Melissa...
craigdavid00 9 months ago
im so sorry that you relapsed :( but stay strong you are a truely amazing person and your videos have helped me alot :)
kjandu100 9 months ago
keep yourself togeather!
BelialHexed 9 months ago
I feel for you, psychiatric wards are NOT fun :/
i wish they had a self harm patch for self harmers like smokers get nicotine patches.
Oh well, thats life :/
hope you feel a little better
*hugs* <3
dario8needshelpio8 9 months ago
oh nooo!! I dont know if you will ever read this...but be strong, your videos helped me so much in getting better, but please dont self injure, you are my inspiration!! Have hope, you can do this!! I'm sorry that so much people might go to you for help with their struggle in self injuring and other problems, that might not help with your urges ;__;
And you've gotten so thin, please keep your hope!! Your a beautiful, strong-willed, caring person. please take care <3
nos0323 9 months ago
im in a place were i wont to cut to and my god its hard not to like i that i was the only one that would thank about different places to cut but yah hop things get better for you :) im not bulimic but i have days were i will starve myself an days were im scared to eat but yah fill better :)
Alexisqueertube 9 months ago
I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so good...Hope you feel better(ish) soon Melissa...I've been where you've been. You'll be in my thoughts.
jessiebelle623 9 months ago
How has your week been? I mean since you came out of hospital? I mean, I can see its not been great, but you know. I hope you feel better soon <3
You're my insperation. You're so strong and I love you videos, you're an amazing person <3
bellsy1234 9 months ago