How do parents cope when a child Comes Out?

[hanksnow82]

If you have a son and he tells you he is gay the best thing is to take him to a strip bar and show him some nice tits good pussy . Give the dancer a few bucks so she will let the kid sniff that poon and explain this is good . Next take the kid into the mens washroom and have him smell the toilet and explain that it is bad .

[RobNorthampton]

@hanksnow82 Good plan. And also if your son grows taller than you and makes you feel insecure, just hack his legs off at the knees and let him walk around on the stumps. That'd show 'im.

[bobby472]

that was a very good vid. thank you for making it. when i came out to my parents(not by choice, i ended up in the hospital) my mom said she knew i was gay for along time. so she was fine with it, my dad on the other hand wasnt at first. he took a few days to finaly start talking to me. but as you said "if we come out willingly it bring us closer together". iagree with that, but i didnt want to come out. ive been out for over a year now and im still in denile. but things like this do help. TY

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks Kevin! I like the way you have been stirring up the theists on your channel. I think it takes everyone different lengths of time to truly accept themselves for what they are, but like it or not, we're stuck with it :-)

At your age, I came out and lost a lot of 'friends', but then realised that I really hadn't lost anything. The people who mattered stuck around, and having my parents support me was the best I could hope for...

[RobNorthampton]

After a period of clubbing and dating, I found a guy with whom I spent 21 years in a monogamous relationship. That went sour, but I'm now happy with Piers who has stuck by me for the last 7 years and counting. If you haven't already found that special someone, I hope it happens for you soon. I can't imagine that you will have much trouble attracting them with your good looks. My best wishes go with you for a long and happy life! - Rob

[bobby472]

but see that another thing for me. the city im living in isnt very pro gay. even online i havent found any other gay guys here. i think that is another reason why im still in denile. my mom wants me to move back home, that way i can get out in the gay scene and make some friends. ones that i would feel comfortable around. i have been giving it alot of thought. i'll talk some more with my mom about it. Thanks, i hope you and Piers have a long and happy relationship together.

[goodstreaker33]

Hey Rob, just thought id give u an update on how things have gone since. All my close friends now and theyre all fine about it. I also told my parents and although my dad reacted angrily and my mam grieved for the first few weeks, theyve accepted it, even if they dont talk about it. So tanks again, I owe a great deal to you and your videos

[RobNorthampton]

Hi Chris! Thanks for the message, and I'm so pleased that things are working out for you! You deserve a good slap on the back, mate! I'm betting that although you managed to come through the roughest part, that you now feel a lot better about yourself. It's a good boost to one's self-esteem to know that you are still loved just for being you, and no longer have to dodge those 'awkward' questions! Great news! :-) x

[goodstreaker33]

Thanks again. Once more you've been loads of help

[goodstreaker33]

The religious aspect of coming out is by no means the hardest part of it. In fact i dont even consider that a problem coz in my eyes ill still be accepted into heaven and thats all that matters, its just the whole gays in sport problem i havent a clue what to do about. Im extremely sporty but i feel its holding me back from coming out fully coz it doesnt seem u can be gay in sport. Any additional advice?

[RobNorthampton]

I am about as sporting as a brick, so not really in a position to say, but the point is that once you are out to all the people that matter in your life, you can then be selective about whoever of your sporting buddies you tell. You don't have to make a public proclamation, or take out a page in the paper :-)...

[RobNorthampton]

There are lots of professional sports people who are forging the way forward regarding homophobia in sport, and times are changing, albeit slowly. Take a look at gaygames . com and see the links to worldwide gay sports news and blogs. Good luck!

[goodstreaker33]

Robert u have been an absolute inspiration tome. Im still in the process of coming out, and ive only told two people bt im getting closer to telling my parents and its tanks to u.

[RobNorthampton]

The fact that you have already told two people shows that you are at least ready to be yourself. It can sometimes be difficult, and I have had one or two messages from people in Ireland who have the added burden of religion to overcome. Saying that, everyone is different, and that includes parents...

[RobNorthampton]

...If you already have a strong, loving relationship with them, they will hopefully not want to damage that by allowing outside prejudices to sway them. Be ready to answer any questions that may worry them, in order to reassure them. Most of all, good luck with it, and may I wish you and your parents an even stronger bond in the future. - Rob

[brittanyhud90]

omgosh....when this video hits about 4:00min, my dad basically said the same thing, how basically he had set such high expectations for his kids then he finds out its not going to happen quite like that, its a shocker and he was a little hurt.

but my question is, my parents know im gay..how can i help them become more comfortable w/it?

they have created this wall like, "we know but dont ever want to talk about it unless we are forced to." and i feel really uncomfortable around them =S

[RobNorthampton]

Hi Brittany. As I say in a couple of vids, you have to reassure them that you haven't changed as a person, and that the only thing that *has* changed are their dreams, their expectations. It takes some time to get used to, as some parents go through what can only be likened to a grieving process...

[RobNorthampton]

..The wall of silence is their fear of the unknown. Try to get them to talk openly and ask any questions, so that you can put their minds at ease. Hopefully, in time, they'll realise that it's not just a 'phase' and you're not going to suddenly 'turn' straight.

Most of my 'Coming Out' vids are aimed mainly at parents. Maybe you could get them to watch with you. They are not alone, and many more parents have the same struggle coming to terms with a child's same gender sexuality...

[RobNorthampton]

..You have shown great trust and love in coming out to them. If they truly love you too, their main wish should be for you to be happy. Given time and understanding on both sides should ease the situation. I wish you all the very best! :-) Rob

[davidbrown2008uk]

Well said Rob.

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks for watching, David :-)

[lonelyboy03]

Rob methinks that some of the first things that run through parents mind is how their kid will be treated and their lack of grandchildren(?). I would adopt, so that takes care of that.

[RobNorthampton]

I bought a labrador, but I guess it's not quite the same :-)

[lonelyboy03]

Well, to some people I guess! LOL! :)!

[Jakemmx]

Yea ... my mom cried for like 3 days because she would not have grandchildren. Government willing, adoption would be a great option though. There are plenty of children who need good homes.

[korkyackland1969]

Hi Rob, another great informative video, I can understand that for many parents when their son or daughter comes out it might cause thr hetrosexual dreams to shatter ('hetrosexual dreams' Love that BTW) But for me it was a sigh of relief! I knew for a long time that my son was gay, possibly before he did! and thankfully his coming out was the catalyst for me to accept my own orientation after being a closet lesbian for 20 years when I came to my parents they just said about time!

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks again Rachael. We were a product of the society that we grew up in. When the only images and opinions of gay people were always negative, it makes it difficult to stand up and be counted. I completely understand.

[Arneneithel]

thanks for this!! when i come out to my parents, i think i might suggest they watch this. :)

[RobNorthampton]

Thanks Helena. I hope it helps a little

:-) Rob

[hitkker]

Evolution teaches the survival of the fittest. Since homosexuals cannot reproduce offspring, they cannot continue in the fight for survival, and thus are an inferior "species." I'm sure that no homosexual would like to think of himself/herself in this manner, but their own philosophies would lead them to that conclusion. There is no denying it that their lifestyle contradicts the natural order of things.

[Arneneithel]

oh, sure, thanks for the introduction to fachism. i might have actually stayed in the closet and got really depressed if you had posted that a little while ago. as it is, i have already come out to my parents, and as it turns out, they aren't neo-nazis like you. but thanks anyway.

[Jakemmx]

There are many animals that have large parts of their population as non-reproductive. Humans, if anything, should be doing more of this. It is, in many ways, just as natural to not have children as it is to have children.

There is a hell of a lot more to the survival of a species, humans most of all, than popping out as much babies as physically possible. This argument is pure crap.

[ChristianJBJ]

Dude, you are one of the most inspirational people I've watched on Youtube. Thanks.

[RobNorthampton]

Thank you for watching and commenting :-)

[DreamlandPhoenix]

Sorry to be abrupt, but there shouldn't be any kind of coping when a child comes out. Acceptance is more important. Do you wonder about "coping" when you lose a job? No, you get up and keep moving.

Learn to accept, and many of the invisible barriers LGBT's face today would not exist.

[Jessyca423]

I am being helped by your videos and I am sure I am not the only one. You are so clear in your knowledge and the way you give out the imformation is so non theatening, just being there to help others. Thankyou x x x

[RobNorthampton]

Aw thanks Jessyca. What a lovely comment :-)

[whistonlass]

Thank you so much for your compassion and truthfulness regarding accepting a gay child. Our son came out 3 yrs. ago and although I had no inkling he was gay it hasn't changed our close relationship at all. He is still our son and much loved. I too quickly realized my ambitions/dreams for him were not paramount...to see his happy smile and his delight at our response was wonderful. Blessings. Jacquie

[RobNorthampton]

Thank you so much for commenting Jacquie. You're a lovely Mum, and I'm so pleased that you can appreciate and value your son for the person he is. Rob x

[twish1999]

It was an affirmation of what i already knew, didn't need an organisation, it's not a problem xxx hugs xxx

[RobNorthampton]

You have a gay child? Cool. Maybe if there were more people like you, the world would be an easier place for people to grow up in. Thanks again. Rob x

[twish1999]

My daughter went to pride in Manchester last weekend, i'm just editing her video of it for her xxx hugs xxx

[BeatBuddy]

Whenever I hear a reference to Manchester, what automatically comes to mind is Manchester in NEW Hampshire, which is just a few miles from where I live.  I keep forgetting that there's a Manchester in Great Britain. However, I keep getting the impression that Brits are less homophobic than we Americans are, albeit those of us in NEW England are quite advanced on the topic.

[twish1999]

I just don't understand homophobia, what's the problem people have. How is it anyones business what someones sexual preferance is anyway?

:-)

xxx hugs xxx

[BeatBuddy]

American men are told, overtly and covertly, that in order to be "real" men, they must be tough. Needless to say, homosexuality doesn't fit into this definition. I'll send you an interesting video.

To paraphrase George Bernard Shaw: "I define the 100% real man as 99% idiot."