Added: 3 years ago
From: femaleanimal
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  • reminds me what a naturally funny, dignified & classy guy Mr Allen really was..

  • gang-bang XD

  • why the fuck didn't you boost the sound before uploading??

  • @supremeon1 And a Merry Christmas to you too! As you should be able to see, I uploaded this more than three and a half years ago and I didn`t have the technical know-how. I probably still don`t, actually. But thanks for you input...

  • @supremeon1 Having listened to it again, it sounds quite loud enough to me. Are you aware that your computer has volume control?

  • Lovely trip down memory lane. Many thanks indeed for uploading.

  • Great, but I have to disagree on paying with the exact change. If you have it exact, why not? Plus, if you keep paying with a single note and getting lots of change in return, you'll eventually be unable to pick up your wallet! I was in a shop last week buying a book for £1.99 and I had exactly £1.99 in the coins section of my wallet, so I paid with that. Admittedly, I knew in advance that I had that much, but still, it beats paying with a £10 note and getting lots of shingle in my wallet!

  • @LABCall Well, you are that "annoying guy" then, aren't you able to take all your change at home, and just go down with it all ready and exchange it for notes in the shop later on?

    It's quite annoying when you have a big queue, and some guy (mostly women though) have to pay with the exact change, and they don't even know in which pocket they keep their change.

    Since, it's not only you, it's you and 50 other people, that adds up a lot of time in a day.

  • @Daazbee well, I always keep my cash in my wallet, and so fishing for the exact change is not very time-consuming for me. Especially if I *know* I have the exact change.

  • The best comic performer in the British World! The deepest analysis of human behaviour, and particularly of the Brit's behaviour. Soooo true!

    Shows how ridicule, superficial and stupid we can be...

    And it is true for EVERY single sketch he has made...

    Rest in peace.

    And in our hearts.

  • So, those 5 idiots work in a supermarket

  • "Do you know what these people have got me doing? I am counting the items in other peoples baskets!" Would love to know what he would thought of the self checkouts.

  • This is just so true. I get trolly rage in the supermarket! I would love to have had Dave next to me.

  • The man that make us laugh at ourselves.... Dave Allen was great both in comedy sketches and live on stage, he had a great accent and voice, Peter Kay is not a match for him in terms of comedy.

  • why don't we repeat them on TV. He beats the pants of a lot of people around today.

    R.I.P. We miss you.

  • genius a great comedian out of this world loved dave allen

  • 5 people disliked this?! Are they brain dead or something!

  • Funny because it's true.

  • Forgot how good this man was , brilliant

  • R.I.P. Dave...You were the best!

  • jajajaj he made me remember when I worked on a supermarket and I had to put the food on those fukin plastic bags it was just like he describes it jajajaaj fukin supermarkets ¬¬

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  • the exact change thing happened to me the other day

  • the gang-bang part made me cry XD priceless!

  • @hipp6y me too, my chest ached!

  • Thank you Sooo much for putting this particular Dave Allen clip on here! I remember vividly watching this when it first aired years ago; I was watching it at home with me mam and it was the very first time that I laughed SO hard that it panicked me! I was in so much physical pain - beyond tears and fits, just a quivering, silent mess of a lad, I actually thought I was going to die, it was so intense!!! Never laughed like it before - or, sadly, since!! Dave Allen was a TRUE comedy genius.. RIP

  • Unless you're going to get a bulky item, using a basket to carry one item is retarded.

  • @opentuning beer in supermarkets is 3.2%alcohol here, because god prefers fat drunks that buy twice as much to get drunk, since they close the liquor stores on Sunday here. Yes. We hate supermarkets. At least in the godforsaken bible belt we do.

  • these bring back great memories of dave. thanks for posting

  • I work in a supermarket so this made me laugh a whole lot =) The old bags with the currect amount of change is so true! "I see you've got a 20 there, give that to him"! hahaha.

    Hadn't heard of Dave Allen before but I've seen two things now and he seems great, and it's true coming in for a loaf of bread and walking out with pretty much everything in the store ha.

    This was great, thanks for uploading, the crowd should've stood up I think at the end.

  • Dave Allen is the only comedian who causes me to simultaneously cry with laughter, get stomach cramps and wet myself!

  • What is this show name ?

  • Pure genius. Huge thanks for this post. I saw DA live once & laughed so hard I cried. So poignant, though, at the end; "And so, for the last time, may your god go with you."

  • Bong, bong, BONG!

  • he is great .....i am so glad that i found his vids i have a week that i watch him on youtube i cant stop laughing even if i watchh for a thousend times the same video.....im so glad internet exist!

  • 5 people are either catholics or women

  • @lufc4lifem894 Nah. I love Dave Allen. :)

  • The self checkout always finds something that needs an attendant and you can't cancel it there isn't an attendant within five aisles and no way calling one.

  • its so sad to me when he says that, cos we can't see him any more its not fair all the nice ppl gone too soon. :-(........

  • What is this show name mates? How can i find dvds?

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  • one thing all supermarkets have in commoni s everythign they sell is very small and puny which guarantes people will be forced to return again to buy more small amounts of food at con prices

  • WHY DO THEY KEEP ON CHANGING IT AROUND

    LOL

  • Bloody Tickets at the dellcatecent , that is so f ing anoying.WHY . WHY????

  • Probably the funniest stand-up routine I have ever seen, with the ones about the bank and the post office coming in a VERY close second. Considering the age of his routines (compared to more recent material from say, Bernie Mac, Chris Tucker, or Richard Jeni), to come across routines such as these that make one laugh out loud over and over again is saying something.

    RIP Mr. Allen. I never knew you and you were gone before I saw any of your material. Rest assured u are sorely missed ...

  • Its funny cause its so true.

  • Genius!

  • Didn't know about him until a couple of days ago (from Norway), but a friend of mine sent the sperm video on facebook and I've been watching alot lately. Thinking about buying some DVDs from play.com.

    Got anyone you can recomend?

  • The store I use tends to move everything 3 feet to the left every 6 months or so, so you never know QUITE where everything is.

  • funny funny funny, class A.

    I think many new comedians have been borrowing/ripping his material.

  • Dave Allen was a genius, simple as!

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  • nice if you can afford it you middle class twat

  • @shortandbald What in heavens was that in response to?

  • he makes me feel sane

  • CLASS!!!!

  • thank u so much :)

  • Comedic genius.

  • I am usually the person who gets the only one item which doesn't have a price tag :|

  • In the early days they used to pack your bags for you.

  • straight from the Philippines....cant stop laughing!!!

  • why can't there be an isle just for alcoholics? all the better at an ungodly hour of the day or night,only normal people like supermarkets!!!

  • Apparently, some in the audience didn't know that "series" in England is the same thing as a "season" in the States.

  • i know for a fact that alcoholics hate shopping in supermarkets...

  • @opendtuning And of course you are trying to be facetious. However, taking your comment at face value, it`s rubbish. Alcoholics love supermarkets. Cheap booze that they don`t have to ask for and they can go to a different anonymous check-out girl/boy on each visit.

  • @femaleanimal And, annoy the crap out of them while drunk and stupid.

  • @femaleanimal .............and may your God go with you too Mr. Dave Allen. R.I.P. thanx for uploading

  • @femaleanimal i drink constantly, i like cheap booze - but dave is unbelievably right!

  • @opendtuning do you work as a check out girl/boy?a slave of tesco/sainsburys thinking your better than the people you serve?or are u an ex alcholic that has "bettered" themselves by getting a job. if so good for you,but never forget that life is not as simple as people that have not lived life think it is!i do'nt like you,just keep on serving the likes of me!

  • @galleybox From the way you talk to people and look down upon them, I wouldn't be surprised if they purposely sent you to the sh5tiest cash register boy/girl available to show you that mutual respect is a two way street. You don't have to be anything to be able to reason about it and form a working hypothesis like opendtuning did, but clearly you can't see that due to your lack of respect for any opinion other than your own. I wouldn't serve you for my life, and I don't even work in that area.

  • @Croogix hey,hi croogix,or wot ever ya name is,i would never ask anyone to do anything i would not be prepared to do myself.

    are we one the same page?let me expand,i have done some of the shitties jobs known 2 man/woman/kind,because i have,i belive i have a comment,if u think i should be censorsed,thats your right too,u know know nothing about me,but hey,if u got anything to talk about,except whining on bout check out boys/girls,keep in touch......mother fucker,(soz,could not resist it),

  • @Croogix are u a pisshead waster aswell?

  • @galleybox Sorry, I try not to associate with people who can't take the time to type properly so that their sentences actually make some sense.

  • @Croogix touche! unfortunately i feel the need to call your attention to your ,and i quote,"sh5tiest" comment made earler.hee hee

  • @galleybox Have you forgotten forum rules? Common decency? I guess not. I replace letters with numbers so that they are not direct curse words on the page. That doesn't make my sentences hard to understand, and they are still properly typed with proper grammar and punctuation. I'd like to see you take a few seconds to try that before I take you seriously, because if you don't even take that time to type, you can't be taking this situation seriously either. Work on that laugh too.

  • Dave was brilliant as a stand up - few can match him. His later work was probably his finest, and this is him at his irascible best :)

  • This reminds me of an incident that obviously still grates a little.

    I love meat pies, and the store usually has a six pack of frozen meat pies.

    I would grab two six packs. So that's two items that I could take down the 8 items, or less, lane.

    One day they didn't have them as a 6 pack , only as singles.

    I lined up in the 8 items lane with only my 1 item x 12, only to be scorned by the clerk, in front of others, that I didn't belong there.

    That moment was, sadly, well revived through this.

  • @naganokumas Should've gone to ASDA(Walmart). Usually they don't care whether you have more items than you're supposed to in your cart.

    Of course, if ASDAs there are like Walmarts here, they're invariably out of the items you want and have bought there in the past.

  • Dave you were the best!

  • they should teach grocery shopping in school

  • @lowaces What aspects? Making out the check before you get in a long line, not being a rude asshole to the cashier, not taking the electric carts unless you are truly incapable of walking under your own power(not if you're just fat and lazy), or...I could go on, but I only have 200-odd characters remaining.....

  • @williamskidfears how to push a shopping cart down an aisle, don't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle, how to pay at the register without wasting everyone elses time, the best time to go shopping, just simple basic stuff

  • @lowaces The best time to go shopping: @ Walmart, never! My ex used to always complain about how crowded it was, as if it were some revelation or something.

  • @williamskidfears sorry i didn't know the conversation was about walmart-- i thought it was about regular grocery stores-- best time to go-- early in the morning or late at night-- never on the weekends. I try to never go go walmart, its just icky !!! But if you can get there first thing in the morning and get out as soon as possible its done with-- i don't understand why people go when its crowded

  • @lowaces The fault is mine entirely.

    Y'see, in my little redneck corner of Oklahoma, Walmart IS the only grocery store in town. But, concerning regular grocery stores, the best time is either early in the morning or late at night.

    I agree, Walmart is icky. It so makes me miss my grocery store back in my (former)hometown(best meat in the area, especially on Wednedays).

  • class.........

  • The late great Dave Allen describing so well how shopping missions evolve in-store

  • WHY DO THEY KEEP ON CHANGING IT AROUND.

  • @charliesmillton My local Walmart just underwent a remodel...I'm still trying to find where they put the peanut butter. :-D

  • @williamskidfears When I was about 12 my mom use to act like that when they moved the alcohol section about...!

  • im having a hart attacl lol here

    lmAO

  • What an absolute genius...someone please put this out on DVD!

  • Brilliant. Sorely missed.

    Thanks for posting these.

  • So true...Brilliant Dave Allen..

    Great share M..

  • Certainly had his finger on the pulse of comic timing,.

  • @stupidjunk978 Yawn

  • @femaleanimal haven't seen Dave Allen's sketches for years and years.

    remember my father and i watching him in the seventies and laughing

    our heads off.  then i left England......Now - thanks to you and Youtube- have spent the last two evenings laughing, with tears pouring down my cheeks, till

    my face ached!!! he was one of the very best. thanks so much.

  • @stupidjunk978 Your name suits you. Especially the first part.

  • @stupidjunk978

    Fuck off you cunt.

  • @stupidjunk978 why watch the video then? personally i think he is amazing

  • @stupidjunk978

    Well then ..here is an idea..... go away ;)

  • I'm looking for the short sketch he did with the Pope and the Cardinal doing the "As much as you can fit in your trolly in a minute" competition in the supermarket. Very very funny: with the pope cramming the trolly with whiskey and slapping the Cardinal for not grabbing stuff fast enough.

  • omgomgomg gangbang, i think i burst into tears. :D

  • hilarious:))))

  • i love the way he ends it.. what a gentlemen

  • Was this his last show?

    There's only one Dave Allen.

  • @hellocarnatic No. I think he was having a bit of fun with the audience members who thought "series" meant the same thing in UK as it did in the States.

    He meant it was the last show of the season.

  • Dave Allen is absolutelly genious...Rip...

  • diamond geezer

  • Everybody recognizes themselves in these situations. Just think about this sketch while queued up in the supermarket, it puts a smile on your face and makes it more bearable.

  • this guy is a genius

  • @ragnakim well, was, cause he isnt with us anymore :]

    peace

  • The stand up shows he did in the 90s need to come out on dvd. His best of dvd was good but had too many hit and miss sketches. This stuff however was fantastic, Dave Allen a bit more aggressive than on the dvd and a lot more funnier. Legend.

  • This guy is hoot! Too bad I missed the boat.. RIP, sir..

  • With much love Dave in memorium, you have made us laugh at our faults and find humour in adversity. You made us realize that life is a game and he who plays with understanding receives joy as the prize.

  • "Yes, you have, you silly old bitch!" ROFL!

  • so funny.

  • Why the heck don't they release this on DVD? It's absolute genius.

  • The only thing on DVD currently last time I checked was the Best Of Dave Allen.

  • @hinkyponky They have... its named Best of Dave Allen

  • @hinkyponky because their too busy releaseing everything unfunny hacks like Jason Manford,milton jones, chris addison, lee evans (sorry but hes the most unfunniest stand up ive ever seen IMO) joe brand and frankie Boyle do. While alot of people like them... they are nothing compared to the likes of dave allen. While dave allen swears at leats he uses it as part of a joke compared to adding the odd 'f**k. c**t, and tw*t in to get added laughs And b4 any one starts saying you OLD GIT..im 25 lol

  • Everything he said is true, evan today. Thanks for the upload.

  • Especially today.

  • I -LOVE- old VHS tape conversions like this. I don't know, there's just something charming about VHS quality and buzz.

  • I'm crying with laughter please download more Dave Allen

  • "WHY DO THEY KEEP ON CHANGING IT AROUND?!?!" lol, that's how i feel evry time i stop in at best buy

  • @bookworm12424 Or Walmart,

  • always liked Dave Allen.

  • I'd love to get my hands on this DVD. Lets hope Carlton(Thames) or who ever has it releases it one day soon.

    You could say he was one of the first real stand-up comics.

  • i remember him from my early days being able to stop up late and watch tv, with mum and dad,,,, memories!!! giggle a min !!!

  • He's just always brilliant, the Bill hicks of my fathers generation.

  • " behind the person who found the one thing without a price tag" OMG! I was there yesterday...in my lunch break grrrrrrr

  • @GiftDWF And, it takes years for the CSM to show up, and you can't switch registers, because you have thirty people behind you, and the other four registers Wally World has open on the FIRST OF THE FRIGGIN' MONTH are similarly jammed up.

  • brilliant clip!

  • comedy genius

  • 3.05 i luv it

  • Dave's show was the highlight of the week on tv. My Dad (Irish himself) used to let us stay up to watch the show. You simply do not get such good comedy today. God bless you, Dave!!

  • I grew up watching this man and he still cracks me up . He was a true comic genius, such a rare talent and I miss him. Thanks for posting this :)

  • "may your god go with you"

    best way to say goodbye ever.

  • I was watching this at 3:00 in the morning and laughed so hard I started to cry. Than my kids woke up and wondered why I was crying and began to cry themselves. Wow even after his death this great comedian has everyone in tears. Thank you so much for posting this. May your God bless you!!

  • hahahahah

    "8 people standing behind eachother. What do you think it is? a gangbang?"

  • thanx for upload female animal, its a brilliant clip. HILARIOUS

  • a bit past his best , but thats just age & frustration setting in.preferd the les manic dave allen .cool & dry.

  • There's a video on here somewhere during one of his sketches i think where he explains how and why he changed his routine.

  • well your not a spring chicken

  • when was this recorded? it's absolute quality!!

  • It was for Carlton Television in 1993.

    Pure, sublime genius.

  • "u go into a supermarket and its all changed!!" FUCKIN ASDA!!! they never stick to one lay out per month!!!!

  • @creeball Walmart is notorious for that. Especially after remodel.

  • Dave Allen, one of the best ever, thanks for uploading this.

  • nah he's the best ever :)

  • class

  • The one item without a price tag

    BING BING BING ARGHH ILL PAY FOR IT!!

    LOL!

  • 3:00-3:35 pmsfl how true is that loool

  • LOL! ...I thought that only happened to me.

  • lol i love the sketch where hes the priest and he goes.

    "HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!!!"

    And the a giant rock crushes him!

  • If I'm not quite wrong that's in The Life of Brian with the Monthy Python's. The priest is played by John Cleese.

  • o.m.g femaleanimal this is also a brilliant sketch dave allen at his best eh! i have just comented on your telling the time sketch i am 38yrs old now an remember all these first time round but have not seen them for years an years once again thank you xx

  • Hello. I think practically the entire `93 series can be found scattered over You Tube.

  • superb stuff

  • The psychology for changing the supermarket layout is so you'll wander all over and be enticed to pick up stuff you didn't come in for -- Dave's nailed everyone's frustration.

  • Our supermarket has just changed everything around yet again and has caused mass confusion. A man walked past me yesterday grumbling about why they have to change things all the time! I thought of this clip straight away.

  • Lekker.

  • I don't often comment, but I had to say thanks soo much for uploading this clip. It's one of our faves! I'm still hoping he'll have more DVDs released soon. It's both understandable and frustrating that he was always so protective of his work...

  • I was in the coop the other day and bought some chicken and got to the till and it didn't have a barcode..I couldnt stop laughing thinking back to Dave's comments. The poor checkout woman couldnt grasp why I was laughing....

  • femaleanimal is baaaaaack! (I'm one of those who waited for over a year for this *wink*)

  • 9 items or less!!

    Thanks for the laughter ...

  • I think the funniest part was at the end where he says piss off..I saw you in the post office!!!!

    That just highlights his earlier jokes about the aged

  • OMFG femaleanimal I could kiss you!!! I've been wanting to see this clip again since 1993. This was his finest moment as its all sooooo true.

    I think this influenced me as a child as I shop like Dave does and get so wound up with all he has described.

    By any chance do you have the whole episode where he rants about the post office as well...no worries if not thanks for uploading this has had me in stiches

  • Thanks so much for this one. He shopped like I still do! I think he also stood behind my mum at the supermarket as well!

  • This was also the first routine that came to my mind too when I heard that he'd died.

    Thanks!

  • Not just me then! When he did that bit about women counting out change, I was convinced he must have been standing behind my mother in a check-out queue at some point!

  • @femaleanimal Suprised tho he never mentioned standing in line behind women with reams of frickin' coupons. Or is that just an American thing?

  • What a great clip to come back with, thanks.

  • Thanks. Sorry it`s edted so badly at the end!