Louis CK Saddest Handjob in America

[Deanovo1]

i love the subtle hint he just dropped to his wife. hahaha

[MrCuntyballs2U]

I'm not gay but it just occurred to me how superior gay must be .......bugger

[KaosRainsDown]

109 people got the saddest handjob ever

[Vinivin]

109 people got the same handjob...

[MrDJ525]

is it strange i was watching this on the toilet... yeah awkward

[Figgy2Socks]

I don't get how some women can be that lame when it comes to sex :/, especially Louis CK, he seems like such a funny nice guy, that's really sad. I don't get why women think sex as a chore, it's fun :P

[TheLast2nd]

How does his wife leave him? He's the funniest fuckin guy on the planet! I'd go gay for him I don't give a shit.

[Pastor9764]

He describes what a handjob is like when the guy is circumcised. Handjobs are delicious and easy for intact men.

[lathesius]

"My wife and I are on the couch, just sitting there, just fucking married on the couch." could not stop laughing at that part. xD

[Fobanicco]

oh god this is the funniest bit ever. i couldn't stop laughing LOL

[ousooners5193]

"She might as well be dead at that point" HAHAHAHA louis ck is the best.

[Pottan23]

marriage sounds fun...

[patjah]

Been there, got out of that, thank fuck.

[cb7pwn]

this is so wrong! LMFAO

[reekodo]

Hot.

[TempestAmethyst]

Does that mean that the members of Death Row are all Virgins? ALL OF THEM?

[pnoidd]

One of, if not the best stand up segment I've ever seen.

[avicutez]

I'm laughing so fucking hard.

[rottmist]

I can't tell if he's funny and creative or if he's just honest about how shitty his life is...

[Laurabeth777]

@rottmist both.

[jmfnews]

@rottmist Why can't he be both?

[kingston6191]

what special is this from??

[unclebanana]

He probably should have gone with intercrural sex. That would've likely gone better

[Fhrag161]

Still a better love story than Twilight.

[peanutsnoopy11]

@Fhrag161 9GAG!

[redzer06]

I knew my relationship was over when my girl was more interested in beating that level on angry birds at the same time she was giving me a dry, sore and pathetic handjob.

[profilescythe]

Still not as bad as what Walter White got.

[shatwood]

@profilescythe

Skylar???

[B17shoota]

hmmm its sad i totally relate 100% TO THIS

[hatealldayhabit]

i like handjobs :(

[RagnarokSharu]

honestly though....i can actually relate to CK about this.... A lot of woman seriously do think of it as a 'chore'.

[mechainsanity]

@RagnarokSharu which is why we call it a handjob not a handjoy

[RagnarokSharu]

@mechainsanity im fucking calling it a handjoy now lol. No more confusion.

[Rafaella3074]

Hahahahahaha a monument where you can throw coins.. lmao

[jscianna09]

you look like your mom!!! XD

I'm crying over here! this is so fucking funny!!!

[21PrincessGanja]

hahahahahahaha

[Cvasir]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I recognize this like fuck as well. That whole jerking oneself off with her hand. Hahahahahaha.

[tinkernator]

I laughed, despite this being awkwardly familiar.

[XweXcollideX]

@Stillcho2 yeah, comic relief is better than depressing psyhological, serious, waste of time worrying to death kind of shit. I love laughter and enjoy comedy a lot.

[Nayruuk]

hahahahahahhahahahahahahah



[sikminesta]

hahahahahahhaahhahahahahaha amazzzzzzzzzzzzing hahahahahahahhahaha

[parkwoodlounge]

Louis CK is obviously circumcised. Sad. Sick American circumcising culture ruins handjobs.

[choochoogoesit]

@parkwoodlounge you sad?

[amazingjakeo]

He's catholic.

[DivusJuIius]

Jew comedians suck.

[slut4berniesanders]

I love this guy. If I ever had the opportunity to give Louis CK a handjob, I would put my whole heart and soul (and mouth, probably) into it.

[49redskies]

Gee I wonder why they got divorced.....

[LAnonHubbard]

Excellent. I wish I couldn't identify with this.

[WuHa105]

Funny but just sad it shows how most guys are so sex obsessed and don't really care about anything else

[DraykonVokelda]

@WuHa105 You're not seriously judging 'most guys' from a comedy routine are you?

[WuHa105]

@DraykonVokelda No no but it kind of rings true in a way

[MusicFatality]

Like your palm =  You look like your mom LMFAO PRICELESS

[georgesjeandenis]

I love this man

[stilicho2]

democracy: a society in which comedians, sport stars and actors are more highly valued than philosophers, scientists and scholars

[punkmusicmetal]

@stilicho2 shutup. Dave Chappelle. Word.

[0neamongthefence]

@stilicho2 You mad bro?

[Cropduster777]

Louis CK has convinced me not to get married ever

[Emceeh123]

lick your palm!

[aahmadiii]

SO FUNNNY made my day always

[DaBoel]

This was sad

[velocity246]

This makes me happy that I'm a gay man lol.

[MrSHAnaNEgans]

a handjob is a man's job

[PinkFloydrulez]

breaking bad much ahahahhaa

[8jessboo8]

maybe if men didnt let themselves go after they got married theyd get laid more.

[TCoyneJr]

@8jessboo8 Maybe if women didn't keep eating like they were pregnant, married men wouldn't look for other women.

[ninjaswordtothehead]

@TCoyneJr Hey now, cut the women slack. If you were in a kitchen all day it would be hard to not eat.

[ninjaturtle205]

some times i just feel like distributing thumbs up

[bahrainTVchannel]

حيوان كامل

[MGSROCKS1]

@bahrainTVchannel What is wrong with you cussing him out?

[icbeirut]

@bahrainTVchannel the fuck is your problem sand nigger

[bahrainTVchannel]

@icbeirut If I wanted your opinion, I'd take my dick out of your mouth bitch

[oren1neu1dag]

saddest thing ever!

[troubles47]

2:17

EPIC EYEBROWS!!!

[ANTIANTHROPOCENTRISM]

i love the misogyny/misandry goin on in these comments

it's like nobody realizes that both men and women are human and humans are diverse fuckin creatures and therefore retarded generalizations are pretty much just that - fuckin retarded

[pfalky2k]

@ANTIANTHROPOCENTRISM true. unless you're talking about all those fucking retarded generalisers

[brotherjules]

comedy gold



[Kris10MichelleRoss]

The reverse is true too. A dude tries to get a girl off with his hand, it's all... "a little to the left.. down a bit... too fast... ok faster... left 3 millimeters... right 1 millimeter... ARGHHH JUST LET ME DO IT"

[NIHILISZT]

FUCK IT..IM GETTING ONE MORE BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!!

[guidomith]

What kind of gutless man stays with a woman that only gives handjobs??? If my GF ever offered me a handjob I would boot her out immeadiatly

[FrontFocal]

@guidomith A man with children that said woman gave birth to.

[SovereignStatesman]

@guidomith

"What kind of gutless man stays with a woman that only gives handjobs?"

One that REALLY likes his house... i.e. about 90% of married American men.

[MylesCalebRyder]

@guidomith Well they did get divorced :P haha

[whitekinekt]

95 people have never had/given a handjob

[Kris10MichelleRoss]

Lol.. so true! This is why I hate giving hand jobs. How could I do it better than him?

[scrambledpenis]

@Kris10MichelleRoss guys hate hand jobs. no woman can ever be as good as your own hand.

[DeeleLV]

I stopped clip at 5:57 cause I couldn't breathe... I'm crying... When I imagine all of that situation... ROFLMAO So true... :P

[aseglkj]

looks like he reinvented the dutch rudder.

[MelonCiego]

I am banging a girl that gives the best BJ's ever! Lucky me :D

[scrambledpenis]

@MelonCiego come on dude that is so insensitive. there are alot of guys who are not getting any!

[MelonCiego]

@scrambledpenis yeh I know mate, I was one of those for quite some time! My luck can be quick also :( so I'll just enjoy while it lasts.

[DoubleTastyMcBacon]

Women fake orgasms to have relationships.

Men fake relationships to have orgasms.

[djlawney]

@DoubleTastyMcBacon women have relationships to make their friends jealous

[jjoe0990]

@DoubleTastyMcBacon That's probably the most truthful thing I have ever heard in my 38 years!!!

[SovereignStatesman]

This is why men should NEVER get married, NEVER have kids, and NEVER let a chick move in with you!

Because if you do ANY of the above, you can say BYE-BYE TO SEX!

She'll MOVE IN, she'll NEST, and she'll RULE THE ROOST.

It's just how women are, that damn nesting mother-hen instinct.

[TheRevJonnyNemo]

@SovereignStatesman ...not to mention several other distinct disadvantages...

[SovereignStatesman]

@TheRevJonnyNemo

Marriage is good for only ONE THING: to make men realize the value of being SINGLE!

Fortunately, it's completely UNNECESSARY for that purpose... one only needs to fucking LISTEN.

[TheRevJonnyNemo]

@SovereignStatesman It is only a theory, but I think I believe monogamy is the anomaly

[SovereignStatesman]

@TheRevJonnyNemo @TheRevJonnyNemo

No, it's NOT a theory. It's a FACT that marriage actually increases a man's CHANCES of getting laid outside the relationship, while DECREASING them inside of it.

Likewise, MOST men are disappointed in their marriages nowadays, since it falls short of their expectations.

So it's just a matter of time for almost ANY man-- and probably most women, too.

[plushpuppy32]

@DoubleTastyMcBacon

Women also fake orgasms to just get it finished and over with.

[Cdimond]

@DoubleTastyMcBacon i can only give you thumbs up once... im sorry

[thegov08]

This is why he's the best.

[m4w5]

so funny mann!! hahaaa

[extremesowhat]

girls suck

[XionYazuka]

Took four minutes for me to even crack a smile.

[BardiaD]

@XionYazuka Good thing no one gives a shit about you then :)

[psychomannen]

This is so funny, but sad at the same time. It is true, thats how some girls are. My ex was like this. Good in the bed, but when i came to handjobs and blowjobs it was just like this, almost all the time. Like it didnt matter how often or how much i gave her oral sex or used my hands on her. So i dumped her sorry ass.

[psychomannen]

This is so funny, but sad at the same time. It is true, thats how some girls are. My ex was like this. Good in the bed, but when i came to handjobs and blowjobs it was just like this, almost all the time. Like it didnt matter how often or how much i gave her oral sex or used my hands on her. So i dumped her sorry ass.

[TheSilyeah]

@psychomannen Hahahahahah omg, du ass! Tøff på internett liksom:P

[Kadda67]

holy shit this guy has to be the most sexist comedian i've ever seen

I like it

[BlowfishShorts]

@andrejkvasnica He was married. He got divorced a few years ago.

[andrejkvasnica]

is he married?

[HASKHD]

@andrejkvasnica of course he is .... he said he is many t imes

[andrejkvasnica]

@HASKHD as well as the Colombo said so ;) but he wears the ring so it seems that he is married.

[shirubiu]

JESUS CHRIST, THE RATIO!

[Imyournewpeppep]

the sad thing is i did that grabbing her hand and jerkin it off for her with my ex.

[scrambledpenis]

why cant women just freaking understand how hard it is for a guy to climax when they get impatient. it is like you are heading towards a target and being picked up and put a mile away. actually anytime a woman talks it is so unsexy!

[thekeithchannel]

Holy shit. 1,000,000th viewer

[nazisucksass]

that sounds really familiar...

[ASaxonAtHeart]

It should make me sad that I've had to do that before...

[Diavolo222]

this man is a genius I love him!!!!

[muggleborn001]

we just need it so we won't murder people...oh my god too funny

[Casarzino]

that wasn't sad, it was tragic

[BrokenLifestyleFilms]

89 wives give lousy handjobs.

[Firelord375]

NEVER FORGET

[008abdullah]

LMAO i gotta download this shit!

[kokothemonkeyy]

the dutch rudder

[coolguy209111]

the city should put a red tag on the dick that has a psi level lmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaao !!

[nayumi303]

I AM DYING OF LAUGHTER

[fdr100100]

there is no point to the handjob

[Dayoldsushy]

@fdr100100 Seconded. It's like if you went to Wendy's and ordered a cheeseburger and they gave you two buns with lettuce in the middle. You want the whole thing not just the shitty parts of it. You want the meat and cheese dammit.

[ChristopherDone]

… they later got divorced in 2008. Now he can jerk off whenever he wants!

[UrSoMeanBoss]

LOL

[lilithxinsanity]

I wonder how humiliated his wife must be

[stonedragon313]

87 people give sad hand jobs!

[Sieist23Jahrealt]

why does Louis CK's name pop up as a suggestion when i type in "goodbye jews"? seriously, check it out. cuz i was just watching Schindler's list and...4get it nvrmnd.

[danielhrocko]

"Hey, you know what? F*ck you, I paid the rent....I can sh*t in my daughter's bedroom if I want to..."

[robertbutler714]

fuck it, im getting one more before i call the police

[buddhastalin]

I love everything he does but this was the first joke where I said "this guy is a genius" and then I gave myself a handjob

[stuckmojo666]

Press 1 for jack off motion Press 2 For smacking ass solid Press 3 for smacking tits Press 4 for finger in ass Press 5 for blowing the mic Press 6 for jack off Press 7 for dick stroke Press 8 for fanning hot cock while blowing it Press 9 to jack off to finish Press 0 for more options!

[ogredm]

So, you say these two are divorced now? Truly, you must be joking...

[AaaBbbiiii91]

poor dude xD

[sonicfanatic4949]

3:22-3:38

SO

FUCKING

TRUE

GODDAMMIT

[hotpants69]

I've had to do that just about every time. Hold the girls hand. As if it's hard, try to get a girl off, now that's effort. Women really don't give a damn if we enjoy sex. They only feel bad when they fail but they don't try to get better. That's why marriage seems so scary- because it will be like he says.

[ChristopherDone]

@hotpants69 IME getting girls off is easy… but they were into it. For these women I think it IS hard, because they're so dull, the guy can't get off. ;-D

[hotpants69]

@ChristopherDone Yeah, getting girl's off is awesome. From the girls who start working up into an orgasm from the first moment (the best girls- they think you are the best- and I feel great too, 100% orgasm success really makes it free and fun and you can just let loose and not have to worry with things like- did I stop for a second and now have to start over?) to girls who take longer and take more effort- it's all awesome just to be with another person and be so close.

[hotpants69]

@ChristopherDone Women, on the other hand, most don't give a damn about if we feel good. Do they practice and get better? Not at all. Are they good at anything? Not really. It is mostly good because they are born with a body I happen to really like and I am so used to lowering the bar for how lame I expect them to be. They (and lotss of women I am speaking of here) don't learn how the penis works/what feels good or on other areas like the chest or neck how to kiss, nibble, stroke. It's all myjob

[hotpants69]

@ChristopherDone I think they just don't have a desire to get better or an awareness that there is a need to. They don't have this reverence for our parts like we do theirs. Anytime it is suggested that they do something that makes us feel good and doesn't happen to please them down below it is like telling a girl to go out and fix the car. No matter how much pleasure I get out of pleasing her in the same way, they have no finesse- like a robot, no passion to bring joy to another person.

[1upgraphix]

Favorite part is 2:20. I just about pissed my pants. "I'll shit on her bed if I want to!" God I love Louis CK.

[epic1element]

imagine how akward would be for his daughter to watch this

[mick0maticNL]

Could be worse, /watch?v=i_QAvXG0gkI :P

[Rick132500]

His wife sees this.

[Chefsloveshack08]

80 people must have had their wives going "come on" into their dicks



[MsNumba1twilightfan]

"hey fuck you i pay the rent ill shit on her bed if i want to".....there..i quoted the video now wheres my 100 likes!

[jayden141494]

"fuck you! i pay the rent! I'll shit on the bed if I want!" Best line

[GunnarSavage]

I *hate* it when they aim it back at me.

[ChickenAreGoodLol]

i love this man

[thegov08]

Louie Louie Louie Louieee. Louie Louie Louie Louaaah...

[RussianDiva]

lmfao



[InEXII]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! roflmao!!!!

[brightlights456X]

"Make it go back in there. Can it go back in?"

lol PRICELESS

[Donovyn3]

hahahaha ill call 911 shes not getting any better

[glowgadgets]

So funny. My eyes, I can't see...

[HARDOOS]

he wanted her to lick what ?

what is a "pom"

i'm not an native english speaker

[sprinkleOtea]

@HARDOOS palm

[Kales0815]

@HARDOOS he says "lick my palm" which translates to lick my hand since the palm is the inner part of your hand

[enjoiiii]

@HARDOOS

He said "palm", the front part of her hand.

[Jsm000007]

Man, I wonder why they got divorced...... haha

[pfive]

This remains the funniest bit of comedy from anything ever

[dajman15]

How the actual fuck have I not seen this guy before?!

HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS!!!

[iknowme]

Right before he said "She might as well be dead at that point", that was exactly what I was thinking he was going to or should say. He says all this shit every man thinks and it's like WHY. But it's so fucking funny.

[ActaNonVerba71]

"Who's it hurtin, I ain't hurtin' no one" funny

[Chris53456]

Transcribe the audio on this!