How To Write a Joke

[AqworldLancer621]

Joke:Hey were ur girlfriend wearing makeup last night......

Cuse last night she look'ed like a bitCH

[falloutseriesftw]

A cop walks up to a house and knocks. A woman answers. "I have to deliver you some bad news." Says the cop. "Oh my goodness what is it?" she asks.

"Your son, Ben, died at a farm party last night after being raped by a horse." " That's impossible,"she says, "he is here now." "Oh, well that's strange. Then what other Ben could it be?"

he asks, "There are only 2 Bens in town. One was your son, and, who was that other one?" Then,she says,"Officer Marshall... don't you have a son named Ben?

[THGsyndromet]

is this how white people tell jokes? no racial.



[TheChineseGirl1]

too much work

[83happyme]

lol when he highfived his reflection

[CJFRANKS7]

I can't make jokes, but at least i can be goofy..

[IhateYouFag1]

"You'll need a Sens of humor" - Well, no shit sherlock!

[brima1997]

@IhateYouFag1 *sense* :)

[ItsAisheeBitch]

lmao right socks

[Jivencheez]

I got a joke.. Women's rights.

[L0ve4Cookies]

@Jivencheez SHUT UP! * tear of joy for women everywhere*

[kenbear2725]

@Jivencheez BOOOO!

[jthen75]

my nips got all hard for some odd reason. They feel like diamonds

[16purplerocks]

Really all this just to tell one stupid joke???

[cocacola1645]

the world is not even 1 million years old! its about 6,000 years old! if ur gonna fight with me about it then, WERE YOU THERE???

[NaveenSwati]

@cocacola1645 dude, the earth is at least 4 billion years old and life started approximately 3.5 billion. humans evolved approximately 3.55 million years ago.

[cocacola1645]

@NaveenSwati were you there? also humans didn't evolve we were made from God. get your facts straight

[Luxverus]

@cocacola1645

were you there 6k years ago when god created earth?

thought so... oh boy

[cocacola1645]

@Luxverus No, but it says in the Bible the date it was created. Don't believe me? TRY READING IT

[NaveenSwati]

@cocacola1645 get MY facts start? you just told me that GOD made us. that's an opinion. and were you there? i don't think so. there's countless scientific evidence on evolution and the approximate age of the earth.

[cocacola1645]

@NaveenSwati Yes get YOUR facts straight God DID make us and its not an opinion its a fact. I wasn't there but the Bible says He did. There's countless scientific evidence THAT THE BIBLE IS TRUE AND THE BIBLE SAYS OUR APPROXIMATE AGE ON EARTH idiot

[NaveenSwati]

@cocacola1645 i'm not trying to say that your religion is wrong, but i am entitled to my own opinion. religion is an OPINION. stop acting immature.

[judgedbookcover]

@cocacola1645 what you just said is completely an opinion.

[cocacola1645]

@judgedbookcover what YOU just said is completely an opinion

[judgedbookcover]

@cocacola1645 the bible is a not non-fiction book. it's a religious book. you choose to believe it because its based on your religion. people choose to not to believe it because WE choose OUR beliefs. you can't go around telling people that their beliefs are wrong because THAT is wrong.

[cocacola1645]

@judgedbookcover The Bible is completely true. Every sentence. Not even an apostrophe is wrong in it. YOUR beliefs ARE wrong because God is the only God who made everything. God didn't want us all to be robots, so He didn't make us all Christians from the start, but he hopes people will bring them to Christ.

[judgedbookcover]

@cocacola1645 you know what? i'm not going to even waste my time arguing with you. i didn't ask for a lesson on religion. i'm not trying to ridicule your religion or your beliefs. but you can't change my beliefs with your contentious comments.

[cocacola1645]

@judgedbookcover Ha so that means I win! Oh and I bet sometime in your life (Because I bet your still young- maybe 5 years old?) someone will also teach you about God and then someone else then you will end up being Christian. You'll see. Its freaky how it works.

[judgedbookcover]

@cocacola1645 if thinking that "you won" really makes you feel good about yourself, then you should really get a life. i bet you go around telling everyone how you love God and how everyone should be Christian but in reality, you do sinful acts yourself. for example, your 'pride'.

and FYI, i DO believe in God, but i also believe in evolution and science.

[cocacola1645]

@judgedbookcover First I have a life and thinking that I won doesnt make me feel good about myself I was just saying it so we could keep talking so I can plant the seed farther (Seed that will sprout). Second no one NO ONE is perfect. Not even Christians. We do sinful acts but Jesus who IS perfect because he's God died for us so we ask forgivness, God cleans up the sin. I'm not prideful I dont go up to strangers and say "I Christian your not ha" If you believe evolution you don't believe in God

[judgedbookcover]

@cocacola1645

*forgiveness, *you're

First of all, you have no right telling me what I believe in and don't believe in. Just like you can't tell me that my beliefs are wrong. If I believe in evolution and God, that shouldn't be your problem.

Second of all, I wasn't referring to your pride as that, but rather the fact that you you said "Ha so that means I win!"

[judgedbookcover]

@cocacola1645 I certainly know that no one is perfect. But there is a difference between being perfect and having self control. If you think that you can just do something sinful and get away with it by asking for forgiveness, then that is clearly wrong.

[judgedbookcover]

@cocacola1645 If you really think you can convince me into becoming a Christian, or anyone, then criticizing me is absolutely unnecessary. Lastly, I'd like to end this conversation by saying that you can't change by opinion and I obviously can't change yours. This conversation is a complete waste of my time.

[cocacola1645]

@judgedbookcover I temporarily cannot read your messages because I've been very dizzy lately. As soon as I feel good enough to read it I will

[spiked200]

what does a tornado have in common with lance bass?

they both blow!

[BaileyCute370]

2:01- 2:02 WRONG! The earth is only about 6,000 years old. In the Bible it says the date the world was made and it was only 6,000.

[Luxverus]

@BaileyCute370

WOW that was easily THE BEST joke from all comments in this vid, u really got a natural talent for humor, i envy you

[BaileyCute370]

@Luxverus You'll be sorry when JESUS proves you wrong and sends you to hell. I can help if you want, or no am I just joking?

[SourBerry4129]

@BaileyCute370

wtf stfu

SOme people dont beleive in god.

[redefiningsk8ing]

@BaileyCute370 the bible never states the exact day the earth was made but through rational calculations one can say its about 6,000 years old. but then again i wouldn't trust a 2,000 year old mythical book over modern science.

[7oeman]

@BaileyCute370 just a question why are you such an idiot  answer because their is conclusive evidence to prove you wrong

[aquaprin]

i'm goin to all this trouble for a joke?

[lemoncouch1]

You will need a sense of humor.

[mw2niko876]

What do you call an old man with a lifetime supply of adult diapers?

A SUGAR DADDY!

[brutaka359]

You will need: The ability to be sexist and mean

Optional: Really go for it!

Why didn't a woman land on the moon? Because it doesn't need cleaning.

Why can't women drive? Becuase there isn't a road from the kithen to the bedroom.

A husband runs over his wife, who's blame is it? The husbands becuase it isn't alowed to drive in the kitchen.

The plane is going to crash and a girl takes of all of her clothes and sais "I wanna die like a woman" a man takes of his shirt and sais "Iron this!"

[camgere]

A particularly easy type of setup/punch line to write is the pattern recognition/pattern recognition misfire. Who knows your friends cultural identity better than you? In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean sadly. A pattern everyone recognizes followed by the misfire (surely you can come up with a funnier one). What's nu? E/h. No pattern recognition = no misfire. Often jokes aren't funny the second time because there is no misfire.

[primetimetdw]

maybe mike tyson should stick to boxing

[jordofthejungle2]

im kinda stuck

im writing jokes jst now. there is one that im not sure about because ive taken a joke written by another stand-up but ive changed around alot of it but i dunno if its stealing or not

[Katantunoro]

The other day I was being so annoying.

I almost choked on my vuvezuela

[Beatnick79]

This is fucking stupid, I come up with punchlines first and then write the set up, and then smoke some more pot and the masterbate until my penis looks like its been pushed up of an moving car, and then beat it some more until it needs a skin graft.

[Vegiwoman]

Hostage situation?!?!

[RUPAKARIES]

hey, you guys wanna hear the funniest joke in the world, that will make you die laughing? I am ,not going to say it because i dont wanna kill anybody.

[PubertyAftermath]

HOw the fuck did they find out where laughter came from?

[slayton007]

@PubertyAftermath Time Machine

[Callumseven]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, . The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

[justdrinkkoolaid]

Hahahaha, callumseven you are hilarious.

[killerdodo1234]

hillarious!!! great joke!!

What do you get when you cross a lake and a leaky boat?

About half way

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

[Gredran]

this is where the phrase, "did you spend all night writing that?" comes into play

[ANGELO13111]

hahaha

[nanotech71]

dude,

he's gay

[CrazyMovieMaker900]

0:55 his life is fucked... he looks gay in that position and 1:15 ....WOW.....

[JexL92]

this video is a joke in itself

[CrazyMovieMaker900]

0:32 I'M HAVIN' AN ORGASM!!!

[shtzua]

LMAO high fives himself in the mirror! AWESOME

[DIVENTNA]

i don't get the joke

[Dmaj87]

I didn't get it either..

[satanrocks668]

this is a course on how to be stupid.

[crazy650c]

Evolution is BS. 2 million years ago...what a crock.

[fifafootball2005]

mate , evolution is a fact!!

[crazy650c]

I have two words for you, mate.......irreducible complexity. Look it up....study it....then admit your "fact" is not so much a fact as a religion. If you have an open mind....you'll be quite surprised and pleased that you now know the truth.

[fifafootball2005]

thanks but don't worry about me mate . but i asure evolution is a fact. i'm not trying to disrespect what u believe in nor am i being mean about.first type of humans were the ne-an-ther-tawl

[RJHEllis]

oh another point, don't laugh when telling the joke.

[Pawsz]

i made that up <:)

[juanski11]

o really

[Pawsz]

yo dawg i herd yo and yo dawg like yo yo's so we put yo dawg in a yo yo so yo can yo yo yo dawg while yo dawg yo yo's, dawg

[csullivan102]

humans didnt exist 2 million years ago

[fifafootball2005]

well maybe not humans but homo sapiens or neanthrtawls!!

[DeadiestCatch]

A dead girl heh? SEXY!

[magicman205]

If you need THIS much time to write and tell a joke than you need to be shot because you dumbasses are wasting our air

[atafies]

lmao he high-fived himself in the mirror

[pcker9000]

i got one wot do michael jackson and the xbox360 have in common.......there both made out of plastic and they both get turn on by little kids

[xqueensexii]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa great one

[L0ve4Cookies]

@pcker9000 Not cool man...not cool. WHat did MJ do to you, huh?

[w32x]

@pcker9000 fuck you

[glitterbear27]

Thats not funny

[eliamimi14]

lmfao sugga dady xD x3

[18yerold]

a sugar daddy?

[tba4l]

lol the narrater is so funny lol

[Blackberry476]

he looks so gay when he is laying on the bed!!!!!

[RyzzboRuffRyder]

if i repeat this toritual on every time when i am make joke...

[KingzCrownX]

ROFL hostage situation

LMFAOO FOAJOSGJASG

[okonh0wp]

actually, this is 100% true

[XxBerixX]

lmao i love howcast, they put everything that people need, ncie job howcast! you are the greatest

[lovncountry]

Ok the view of that diaper at the end was just too much. Blech. lol

[BeDJasus]

bull

[nanathenai]

How to write a comeback:

Observe: awfull done video

Setup: You know whats a joke?

Punchline: This video !

So did i get it?

[bboyrookie]

is this meant to be a joke...

[jeezeycreezey]

is that meant to be serious?

[dioxviad]

howcast just stop making videos

[MeLoveMiley]

who ever made this is a dedede... God!!!

[bguster08]

you listen to ned mencia... diaf

[liljake27]

kool

[guigaguiga]

second! durrrrr