Noah's Ark - The Directors Cut

[InternetDarkLord]

Noah was told to bring 1 pair of each unclean animal, 4 pairs of people, and 7 pairs of clean animals.

1. Why aren't unclean animals 7 times more inbred than clean ones today?

2. Why aren't people more inbred than their (clean) pets?

[alexgrimmaster1]

the funniest vid i saw in a wile great work haha

[Heffsta02]

LMFAO "well shut the fuck up"

"did you just call me gay lord?"

[Cootabux]

I'm curious. Why did you say "never again" after making this video?

[kalsolarUK]

@Cootabux probably just for the time consuming element of making an animation and timing words to mouth movements. Especially as I did it all with windows movie maker. Although, I did do a longer adam and eve one sometime later. lol. Thats was much more time consuming!

[Cootabux]

Cootabux

Sorry for taking this long to respond, bcuz I really wanted to, since you took the time to answer my question & explain.

Anyway, I can appreciate what you're saying. I've never done animation but can appreciate what you said about matching the conversation in with the animation. I'm sure there's more to it than most of us aren't familiar with.

As an atheist, I especially enjoy your videos & your humor in general. Hope you'll do much more.

[lardo444]

THIS JUST IN,,, moses invented bowling. he was the first to pick up a 7-10 split, and when he did they partied like it was .0099. everyone knows moses said, "let my people go." but what he really said was, "let my people go BOWLING."

so know you know.

peace, lardo.

[RadarKat73080]

King Heathen proved in one of his vids that God, assuming he exists, could not be both all-knowing and all-powerful.

[Swenglish]

Amusing video! Thumbs up.

[Eye2Eye44]

This is a VERY misleading video. The story was much more like this:

/watch?v=FlPdk4j5R1Y

[helikaon864]

that is a load of shit...

[WillSKB88]

This really made me laugh, brilliant!

[brown1259]

quick sum tells us that, on average, 100 new species of beetle have evolved (or been Created) every year from those two original parents. That's two new species of beetle a week! In order to explain the current diversity of life, creationists need to conjure up a form of evolution that proceeds at a rate which would make any biologist fall off her stool in astonishment!

[kalsolarUK]

I'm just hoping that some litereal genesis believers read what you've written here...should give them a few headaches to deal with. Will they ever see the light and the error of their ways? lol. Who am I kidding?

[WillSKB88]

They would say.... have faith!! Sort of like using the force or using a magic wand.

[RadarKat73080]

Actually, the Force or magic makes more sense then faith.

[brown1259]

Creationists object to the idea of "species" aboard the Ark, preferring to use "kind" instead. Thus, instead of having nearly a million beetles running around it (beetles not being known for sitting patiently in their pens), Noah simply had a male and female of one "kind" of beetle from which all the others known today have "diversified" (or "evolved", but let's not mention that word). Now, let's say the Flood happened 4,000 years ago, and there are 400,000 known species of beetle. A

[brown1259]

IM SURE BLEVINS BL HAS A MAGIC ANSWER FOR ALL MY QUESTIONS lets not even start on the2 vegetarian non violent T-REXES they had on the ark or the peaceful vegetarian crocodiles....................­...............

[brown1259]

yeah hehe sorry kalsolar got a bit carried away so easy to take the pis out of noahs ark what did the anteaters eat for 40 days and nights? grass? and better still what did they eat when they got back off the ark all the ants except 2 were dead did they just wait till theyd breeded enough so it didnt wipe them out and eat dirt until that time? got me fucked

[brown1259]

i think the forst couple of episodes of the brilliant comedy program on the BBC red dwarf explains religion to a tee...........how the two different factions of cats (the ones that thought the donut diner hats should be green) and the ones that thought the donut diner hats should be blue when their god(lister)explains that they both had it wrong and they were supposed to be green it just reminds ne of the christians and the muslims killing each other over allah or god

[kalsolarUK]

wow, quite a rant there! But I know exactly what you mean.... its a subject that is so full of absurdity that it can easily get the inner fires of frustration burning!

[brown1259]

BLEVIND NL you would have to be the dumbest of all bible bashing dumbfucks i have ever seen ITS A BOOK OF FAIRY TALES i especially love the one about NOAHS ARK especially the part about how he dropped off all the animals in the right place on the way home as the water receded (the kangaroos and koalas in australia)(marsupials) the lions and zebras in africa and the three toed sloths in south america,like a taxi service

[HappyApostate]

Funny stuff this! I've always wondered if Noah and his family were vegetarians, or did they take extra chickens along?

[BlevinsBI]

I have a question where do you get it took Noah 120 years to build the ark? And Noah did not have a grandson at the time of the flood.

[kalsolarUK]

there are various claims for how long it took Noah to build his fictional ark. Google it and you'll find a variety of scholarly guesses.. 120 years being one of them, but 100years + is generally the norm. As for the grandson...I took artistic license there for comedy purposes..but it is true that Noah was said to be around 500 when he had his first son. (ridiculous I know..but some people believe such nonsense).

[BlevinsBI]

One you have to do research to find the truth and this is what I did. For Noah told in the Bible was 500 years old when he started to build the ark and the flood was in the 600 years of his life. And that is 100 years. Now if you do a time line as told in the Bible you will see the age of Noah going on are time is different then it was in his time. Now if we go on our time line today it only took 58 years to build the ark. Do the research. I did.

[BlevinsBI]

And one other thing you think it has to do with Money. No it have to do with bring out the truth. The truth is more than money.

[Hahayoureretarded]

Thanks BlevinsBI, here we were all just laughing merrily at KalsolarUK cartoon taking the piss out of a preposterous story, but you found out the truth, didn't you? You discovered on your own what no scientist was able to. Come on ladies and gentlemen, give this guy a round of applause. He may not be able to construct proper sentences, but he knows the Noah's ark story is true and isn't just plagiarised bum fluff of the Gilgamesh epic.

[Bfdidc]

Very funny.

[ticobassie]

You should do more of these Bible animation projects, truly funny. How much hours is there in this one?

[kalsolarUK]

thanks. The Noah animation probably took about a month to make. My Adam and Eve one took about 3 months.

[califoniania]

God: "Noah, I want you to build me a boat."

Noah: "Oh? Where are you going?"

God: "I'm going to...I'm not going anywhere!"

I love that little exchange, cracks me up every time XD

[julzabro]

LOL! Cute! Bravo!

[shashi13m]

mate, this is soo damn funny, specially the swearing part ..klord etc.

[JohnLArmstrong]

Actually, it probably wouldn't have floated. The Ark was 450 feet long. The largest ocean-worthy wood vessels ever constructed were 300 feet long and these were made possible only with iron strapping. Even these ships leaked constantly and had to be pumped (add this duty to the 8 crew members who had to care for 16,000 animals).

[kalsolarUK]

Quote "Actually, it probably wouldn't have floated. The Ark was 450 feet long"

Quite true..annoyingly this is no problem for the believers who will simply resort to the supernatural by saying god probably used his magic to protect it from any big leaks or whatever. That is the problem with having a sensible discussion with the faithful. God can use his magic to answer almost anything that they can't explain without an ounce of proof that he did anything at all.

[califoniania]

Then why didn't God just use his magic to put them all in a giant bubble or a force field of some sort? Or how about just *poof* all the sinners disappear off the face of the Earth and reappear on the Moon? Does everything God does have to be so damn ass backwards?

[BlevinsBI]

Where did you come up with these answers? For the ark was bigger then you tell. And the funny thing about your answers is they are not true. For as the ark it is at rest on Mt. Ararat at 14,563ft locked in the rocks. And I can say this is I have real photos of the ark in that location. And I am sorry but I believe in real photos then a cartoon.

[kalsolarUK]

prooh huh? real photos? well...maybe you should sell them to the news networks for lots of money? You can donate it to your ministry. Oh...let me guess - they won't believe your photo's either? (Along with most of the rest of the world). Well..thats a pity...at least my cartoon ark is real (ish). lol.

[BlevinsBI]

Yes they are real a real joke.

[FaithConviction]

@BlevinsBI One word: HOAX

[bonangusacdc]

Great job sir!

[KimLachelle]

Shanks for sharing that video with me dude. Laughed so much I got hiccups. lol

[kalsolarUK]

lol, glad to be of service! Its not that difficult make the bible stories funny... they pretty much parody themselves most of the time.

[trixapete]

very true.. and big of you to admit that. great stuff though, think ill subscribe!

[trixapete]

actually.. now i think about it, thats the single biggest thing about religious people..

They cant be honest with themselves.

they cant admit they could be wrong and wont concede on any point no matter how ridiculous.

[FinnHawk]

this brings up a good point... how come no one who talks to God in the Bible asks him the really hard or interesting questions... you'd think if someone actually got to speak with God they'd ask all sorts of crazy questions.

[kalsolarUK]

Quite right, they seem to ask very mundane questions most of the time or stuff that just helps propel the stories forward.

[nxzo2]

Hilarious!

[Guardian0487]

XD more more!

[ANDR3W1848]

LMFAO! This just made me spit out my beverage. Good shit, keep it up!

[kalsolarUK]

lol, thanks...I hope it wasn't expensive beverage!

[MaikUniversum]

hahaha :D nice

[Kallaye1]

Yes that's very funny!

=)

[stevieu83]

Ah, that was great! :)

[AntiCitizenX]

ROFLMAO.  Nicely done.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, thanks - am currently making another one..although could be a few weeks before I get it finished.

[daveheet]

lol I still dont understand what he means when he says, "go for wood?"

it must be the English way of expression... Can u tell me?

[kalsolarUK]

in the bible noah uses gopher wood. When god says, "yes, I'd go for wood" its just another way of saying, "yes I would choose wood"

[daveheet]

LOL haha awesome man

[godlesswonder]

Epic boat. Epic comedy. Really, very well done!

[otakujhp]

This needs more views badly. Great stuff.

[LeafInTheStream]

Almost as fantastic as the original story was ridiculous!

[SuperiorSavior]

This pleased me no end... EPIC!

[Skep155]

Spectacular :-] it pains me to say though that i don't think this will get through to creationists, but then again is there any hope? can anyone get through to them?

[andytoz]

Brilliant ^^

[ChrisJMoor]

That was brilliant. Unless you were using some sort of super-duper animation software I bet this did drive you insane. What were you using, btw?

[kalsolarUK]

I just used a paint package to make the pictures and windows movie maker for the animation. Nothing fancy, but it worked out OK.

[ChrisJMoor]

a-ha. Thats what I thought you used. Very simple but probably very time consuming. Nice work!

[daveheet]

hahaha dude I watched this about 6 more times and I keep loosing it every time. I hope you make some more cartoons.

[mikevalla]

Absolutely brilliant mate. Only your mind could conceive of the story of Noah and the Ark happening in this quite this manner. Kudos, and I hope you didn't go too nuts making it.

[fuckmook22]

haha thats so feckin good

[Blake97201]

epic proportions portions portions... lol

[majorvoltage]

lol

[Jimbo8012]

This is absolutely outstanding! Keep up the great work!

[kalsolarUK]

most kind of you sir! I'm hoping to tackle another animated one over the next few weeks..fingers crossed!

[QualiaSoup]

Lol! Brilliant! ;^>

[ArchMageZeratuL]

You know, kalsolarUK, I have to say that I love you in a completely heterosexual way. Keep up with your work!!

[kalsolarUK]

Thank goodness for that! lol. Thanks for the comment, hope to have more videos up fairly soon.

[otakujhp]

Man, you are a comic legend.

[lamnaa]

Fantastic! hope you get round to another some time soon.

[kalsolarUK]

I have actually written a script for that very thing..could be a while before I get time to make it though as they are a bit time consuming.

[lordtalon69]

I'm glad i subscribed really on par stuff here, funny and honest heh.

[BryanAJParry]

Absolutely fantastic, Kal. Really, just deliteful!! :D

[LatinYoung20]

HAHAHAHAHAHA, funniest shit ever!

Great great job Kalsolar! you are the man!

[joeyoap]

Ahahahahahahahahahah!If we're wrong you're gonna fry for a fucking long time and I'll probably be on the next toasting rack still laughing at this video.

[hairyreasoner]

Speechless.

[illuminator83]

Good one!

[RosieDesire]

"K lord"

CLASSIC!!

I love how such an omni-everything deity is so clueless, is governed by time, has irrational emotions, AND can't seem to do that work himself by simply waving his magic wand ;) But most of all, I am amazed, amused, and frightened that many people belief that story as the literal truth.

I blame it on a pair of talking donkeys...

[ToddGates]

Great work. My favorite exchange starts at 0.45 sec:

NOAH: "Yeah, I see what you mean [about needing to destroy mankind]. I mean, you never can tell with these projects how they're going to work out, can you?

GOD: "No, you ca . . ."

[EternalFire00]

lol

[msginca]

Too freekin Hysterical!!!

[RedXIIIx]

Fantastic! You need to make more of these, unless that will lead you to suicide.

[Solarees]

xD lol

[kalsolarUK]

I do have an idea for another one at some point... I'll probably wait until I've finished the psycotherapy though. lol.

[subach]

You doing animation with these stories, you're going to be the next southpark.

[pantherinbrazil]

animation on top of your story-telling?? My favorite youtuber!!

[Danmill23]

Good one KS. lol! as usual!

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks everyone for the comments so far - much appreciated! Its nice to try and do something out of my comfort zone now and again.

[twelve121]

lol minted a very good ending

[CousinoMacul]

That god character sure is moody.

[kalsolarUK]

what can I say... trying to keep him accurate to the old testament portrayal.

[pankracm]

This and Edward Current's "Atheist meets God" animations are possibly the best animations on the subject on Youtube. Thank you, sir, for the effort you put into this.

[kalsolarUK]

yes, I really like the edward current "Atheist meets god" animation too. Thanks for your comment, most kind!

[ExSaint1379]

I hope this video makes you alot more famous among the youtube community; this is hilarious.

[mib2259]

Excellent stuff as always! Love the animation, never been brave enough to try myself, very impressive.

[EvilZoe]

I understand COMPLETELY the way animating this could make one absolutely nuts....lol

Been there, done that, would be doing that right now if my computer and life weren't so insanely out of whack.

Nice job!

[kalsolarUK]

thanks..I did another one quite sometime ago, which was much shorter and less involved. I have to take my hat off to those like yourself who do it regularly (well..when your computer is working anyway!) Hope you get that fixed soon!

[Paxmax]

LOL! green prints!!

That was hilarious kalsolarUK!!!

I was told to shut down my loud laughter so the family can watch TV.

I'm glad you completed the cartoon and it didn't erase to many neuron couplings.

High 5! you ace'd this one!

[davidproper]

lol Great vid. 5 epic stars. hehe

[feral2k]

100% agreed.

[kirafan68]

Hilarious! I laughed so hard that my dogs came running to me barking louldly.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, watch that blood pressure, - the last thing I want to do is to inadvertantly kill off a subscriber.

[philhellenes]

Excellent skillz. The only downer is that millions actually think it happened. :(

[riversonthemoon]

The animation works perfectly. Good stuff!

[THEoldy]

Some of those lines were classic. "FROM ALL CORNERS OF THE GLOBE... wait no, FROM ALL CORNERS OF THe circle... that is.. are fuck it, just put a lot of animals on there."

[rozeboosje]

Finally someone tells it in a way that makes sense.

[lazymornings]

that was great,good job, though somehow it seemed believable.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, believable huh? Thats only because I didnt show all the millions of species of animals boarding the ark..my animation has its limits!

[lazymornings]

you could have shown the dna in test tubes.lol.

I thought you did a great job on the animation,anybody thats ever tried knows it's a nightmare, must have took you ages,I'm not gonna knock it in any way, a very big effort that payed off,great job.

[IdoloR]

lol brilliant

[Darwinsgift]

A great work on an epic scale! 5 stars again!!!!!!! - (Irritating sod!) - lol

[OccamKant]

Great work! 5 stars.

[Avatra1]

haha "Gay Lord"

Good one!

(well the entire clip is good)

[niceonetom]

inspired.

[agnosticman77]

Monty Python would br proud. Great stuff. Laughed a lot.

[kalsolarUK]

thanks for that..although a video of me trying to make the animation work would have been equally amusing.

[agnosticman77]

Fantastic!!

[freddypharkas]

Great stuff. We don't mind if you lose your sanity if you keep putting out vids as good and this.

[Nagrobek78]

sir, you are a genius :)

[ElbowGig]

Yeah, there's no way around it. That's just utterly brilliant. Loved it. Many thanks. And I'm so stealing the gopherwood gag.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, corny gag really - but seemd apt at the time. lol.

[ScottishAtheist]

LOL! Fucking brilliant mate!!

[ReligionIsNeurotic]

fantastic!

[otakursed]

lol-some, man, definitely lol-some ^^

[echthroi9]

Worth waiting for.  :D

[Crosisborg]

I laughed so hard I think I shit myself

[saxmanchiro]

Oh shit!

Made my morning. Thanks for the laugh once again, kalsolarUK.

Looking forward to the next installment. 5**

[DaxterFan]

Hehe it's nice. I liked the animation idea, it contributes to the video and jokes. although it seems like you wrote the jokes for the video instead of making the video for the jokes. I'd suggest you next time just do what you usually do in your video, and animate it later. the K lord joke is the main reason.

[kalsolarUK]

Originally it was going to be done in my usual style, but the script in that case would have been quite different. The whole thing came from the thought that, what if after 120years of building the ark, God had changed his mind. One thing not mentioned here is how come that after 120years of weathering and baking in the sun that none of the early constructed parts hadn't rotted or warped? Oh..hang on..god probably used his magic on it. Silly me.

[Philosophobia]

fantastic! XD

[AzmodanKijur]

EPIC!!

Awesome work, Kalsolar!

[kalsolarUK]

thanks for that, at least now its finished I can stop pulling my hair out now. lol.

[TheLovePizza]

Worth every second you put into it ;)