Americans Observing 911 By Trying Not To Masturbate

[fuglypump]

"there's literally nothing in this world that will keep me from masturbating"

LOL

[Mustaklaki]

I feel like jerking off now

[ilovemesomechicken]

This video is fucking retarded

[MARIOFREAK821]

The kid at the end is the same one from the "Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish" video.

[jfooza]

the old guy at 0:22 made me wanna throw up...he gave me chills and gave me an image

[Darusdei]

@HitlerJugend95 i'm from finland and the police can't stop a public intercourse, they have to wait till the end of the act.

[Wutwut1n1]

@HitlerJugend95 Holy shit I was thinking about the legality of public masturbation today and look what I find

[CrimsonNdClover]

I found this hard to masturbate to XD

[jclems8940]

this is wayyyyyy to realistic lol...didn't completely know it was fake till the obama text at the bottom popped up XD

[XSasuken22X]

...wtf

[DemonicSoulify]

This made my day!!! xD

[nintendofool]

I masturbated to this

[redefiningsk8ing]

omg they make this seem so real.

[iloveyoumrfrodo]

the people who dont like this and didnt notice the text on the bottom saying "REPORT: TOTAL FUCKING MEATHEAD DRESSED REMARKABLY SIMILARLY TO YOU" deserved to get upset. use your heads people! context! notice the little things! and try laughing sometime, you might enjoy it! :)

[MegaMufti]

huh................?

[SxJerSonxS]

All I can say about this is . WHAT THE FUCK

[ugasziz]

wow americans are crazy

[NickyAmerica]

If you don't fap, The terrorists win.

FREEDOM FAP

[TheYouwontgetit]

i don't care... ...no amnout of human suffering and/or death will keep me from masturbating...

[Qwertyqazqwert112233]

1:11 that's the kid who refused to learn Spanish and has the same jacket as me

[theHaxprocessor]

@Qwertyqazqwert112233

Awww damn you I was just about to say that!!

[gamerxavier8]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL DOES ANYONE REMEMBER LOUIS C.K MAKING THIS JOKE? TROLOLOLLOOOOO

[TheWhiteOp]

i find this extremely easy to masturbate to this

[PGnumbaONE]

LMFAO!!! dis shit funny as fuck

[StickyIky]

whack one out with a big bang!!! What mre can they ask for!????

[BahamutEternal]

1:15 Its the kid who refused to learn spanish in high school

[earwaxxxx44]

@BahamutEternal LOL onion fan right here

[POdPatriot]

I don't know what is wrong with you people, you akt like this is funny. Well let me tell you something. I have a very rare disorder called Xsirsizyurnuts (EYN) and if I don't masturbate 14 - 18 times every day my nads will fall off. So hold on a few minutes I'll be back....................... Ok, I feel better now but that was a close one. See ya later I need a cigarette and a nap.

[EuchridEucrow1]

I masturbated on the actual day so of course I'm gonna masturbate on the anniversary of the day...

[TheYouwontgetit]

no fucking 911 bullshit will keep me from masturbating...

[TheKaiTetley]

A whole day without flogging the bishop? 24 hours without bashing the one eyed trouser snake?  NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

[willk27]

Shame on you, it's 911.  LOL

[mandaltby]

GREAT CHANNEL MAN, IT TOOK US A SEC TO GET IT LOL

[fatfolk225]

0:21 thats my guy im with him

[IIzNotATrollz]

I find this akward to masturbate to.

[virgilio539]

fisrt its natural second its like sneeze and its somthink to start on puberty and its something is gonnabe with you all your life so... you diside

[painsey]

hey this kid at 1:15 didnt go to French class

[alacar91]

everyday is masturbation day

[PerchickSpore]

xDD OMG I lol'd so hard at "Masturbation Day" :D

[DAN5675able]

@PerchickSpore theres a masturbation day? what day is it? I HAVE TO KNOW!

[PerchickSpore]

@DAN5675able The 12th of September, because everyone has to amount twice as much... you know, 9/11 is the day were you shouldn't masturbate ;)

[ajgurung7]

wtf? is this for real? what kind of news asks people if they masterbait??? woah america

[PerchickSpore]

@ajgurung7 It's a parody -.-

[camlind12]

@ajgurung7 Of course it's real. The Onion is as reputable as Fox News.

[bromixsr]

@ajgurung7 It is totally real. I remember having to plan to actually spend time with my family talking and stuff like that. It was hard, yet I realized it is during times like this you discover how much we take for granted our constitutional right to jerk off.

[TheYouwontgetit]

9/11 is fun

[XxRushx]

This should have more DISLIKES!

[mattrc2]

is that

Toby kid the same one from patriotic teen?!

Repeated actors?!?!

[D4rQW4v3]

LOL

[bombindahcity]

...dah fuck?

[ndthe1]

I just watch this and it's talking about people not masturbating on the day of 9/11. Wtf this is so weird to even talk about it.

[watanabe757]

My friend died on the south Tower 107th floor that day.

[SteezySkater72]

@watanabe757 Was he masturbating at the time?

[LittlePikachu]

@watanabe757 Then try not to masturbate

[sanchoblade1983]

The guy in 1:13 is actually Kyle Johnson in "Patriotic teen fails Spanish".......lmao

[TheWanderingInkstar]

LMAO!!



[gigaguy101]

Thumbs up if you tried to watch this on 9/11.

[gredangeo]

September 12th - FAPATHON

(make up for lost time)

[ISAxFCKINxRIOS]

Just realized I traded nudes with 2 different people and jerked morning and night on the 10th anniversary of 9/11...

[xB3rker]

In sovjet russia...

[Spindry96]

I find this video offensive to the art of self love

[deniro1289]

Can someone explain me that? I´m from Portugal I understand what the people say but that looks like stupid!! The black woman saying "I was masturbating", isn´t this too personal for people to speak so openly.

At the beginning i thought this was a joke but now i think it´s really.

But one thing i have to say, if this is real Portugal is too different from the US!

Thanks!

[RedTygerRT]

@deniro1289 Its not real. Nothing on the onion is real

[deniro1289]

@RedTygerRT Ok thanks a lot, but this really looks like real, look at the woman crying...

[danielwhitman]

@deniro1289 Troll.

[WillandAnishFilms]

@deniro1289 IT IS FAKE IT'S THE ONION I RECOGNIZE THE PRESENTER FROM OTHER FAKE VIDS

[spacezoid88]

@deniro1289 Im from the US, and we are very open people, everyone masturbates, and we have a sick sense of humor

[lylatfox4]

@deniro1289

this is fake, man

[NickyAmerica]

@deniro1289

No, it's fake, satire, funny humor.

[DancinSteve]

@deniro1289 its the onion.......... are you fucking retarded

[Gilbertopuppy]

@deniro1289 HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH­AHHAHAH

[bronzepwnsu5]

@deniro1289 trolol its a fake news channel that makes shit look real

[scottg4520]

I thought it was just me that didn't masturbate on bad anniversaries.

[will9630]

fuck yea 9 12 national jerk off day lol

[mariahcarey50]

Finally I can masterbate!!! I've been holding it in all day to show respect!

[SiIkroad]

I came.

[CheckAnon]

I can fap to this

[guitardedboy]

Only a few more hours and we're home free to masturbate!

[OohCullen]

Thumbs up if your hanging tough until tomorrow!!

[0wnij]

I masturbated first thing in the morning, shit

[driverx241]

UNNNNNNGGHHHH

[ImAllFact]

aw shit i didnt look at the calendar first

[darklordsigara]

Woops jacky :P

[Steve7508]

I'm not American so I can fap as much as I want! 

[Fitzybabe65]

Done it twice and working on the third! \o/

[HugeHeroesFan]

I masturbated today ):

[Alicaint]

I've already whacked off three times today. Am sat in front of the internet... knar worra mean? Tits and fannys everywhere.

[idiotboyization]

the things americans say on tv...

[butterscotchagain]

fapping here

[sanshuri]

I'm Starting It Up!

[megaelliott]

I may do so tomorrow

[megaelliott]

I may masturbate tomorrow

[adraim69]

If you don't masturbate on 9/11, the terrorists win.

FREEDOM FAP.

[gredangeo]

@adraim69 I cummed on a Muslim woman once. An unwanted facial. TERRORIST LOSE.

-INSANITY WOLF!!

[antonine426]

@adraim69 Jerk-off for freedom!!!

[Kg277]

I'm slapp'n the flapper right now. Other youtube porn channels going!!

[benos]

Only fap when bin laden is now dead.

[MrCoffeedrinker1000]

@benos Bin Laden has been dead for a long time

[benos]

@MrCoffeedrinker1000 I know that.

[benos]

Until the title said masturbate, yeah, I did know it was the onion.

[calllmejimmy]

i jacked off to this video

[Coffeeisnecessary]

@calllmejimmy 0:30 So was Obama! "OBAMA: RUBBING SELF AGAINST SOFA OR OTHER FURNITURE COUNTS"

[Beejeification]

Aside from the stupid arguments polluting this blog, this video is some of the funniest shit I have ever seen.

[sonicgold25]

What the Fuck more Political Arguments!

[DoinkTonberry]

In the southern states, the day the picture of osama's dead body winds up on the internet is the day that will be known as "Masturbation day"

[gibril4]

I find this hard to masturbate on..

[Killur10]

Wait, you aren't supposed to masturbate on 9/11?  Fuck that.

[ETWFTW345]

@Killur10 you have the most common sense i've ever seen

[BrokenCross88]

I find this video difficult to masturbate to

[idkwutscape]

@BrokenCross88 I didn't

[giantblue]

1:18 isnt that the same boy from the onion video of boy refusing to learn spanish because it's unamerican?

[ukgreaterlondon]

WOMENS DAY

i'll not masturbate on that superior day

because ladies are all sexy ladies are superior and they deserve equal freedom .

who created womans day i want to buy an ornament of that hero and put it nicely in my living room and i kneel infront of that womans day hero and i put one hand on my mind and the other hand on my soul and say what the hero said on womens day then i'll go to my future sexy lady partner and i'll get her to masturbate me because i am not allowed .

[Clawscape13]

FAKE AND GAY!

[vjm3]

"There's literally nothing in this world that'll keep me from masturbating."

Yeah, not even a girl willing to down on you, you weird-shape headed loser.

[manna912]

9/12 my birthday lol!!

[Pillowflame]

I like how the faggots who don't understand why we went into Iraq are making comments. We didn't go there to kill sand niggers or get oil. We went there to destabilize Iran.. It's pretty apparent to anyone who understand what life is like in the middle east. You can't argue with muslims. There are hundreds of millions of muslims that support jihad against the west. Just because only a small handful are actually fighting, doesn't mean others aren't contributing to propaganda.

[DrSwNemo]

@Pillowflame No. You went there for oil.

[marvesmarves]

Lol wtf is this

[RsAssassin9754]

so funny



[TheSnowyice]

Um, LOL some people can't go ONE FREAKING DAY without masturbating!? Wow, that's weak! xD Heheh, what's gonna happen? Are you going to explode? omg Hahahaha! Oh man that's funny, well unless it's a serious addiction then it's not funny.

[TheSnowyice]

@TheSnowyice Oh and how is masturbating or having sex being disrespectful anyway? That in my opinion has absolutely nothing to do with respecting the dead on a certain day what so ever. How did they even make that connection? :P

[TheSnowyice]

@TheSnowyice Hey wait this is fake. Whoops my bad! ;-D It's still really weird though. :P

[DogWeed91]

unsexy slideshow of the attacks

[ProductionsHabby]

Yea.........this is the stupidest thing iv ever seen in my life.

[pat5168]

I find this easy to masturbate to.

[TheOkami1113]

605 people could not discreetly masturbate

[NomadCarbon]

LOLCHRISTFAGS

JEWS DID WTC

[moshpotpaul]

I masturbated while this video was playing :3

[HOLIMOUNT]

take your bitching elsewhere nobody gives a fuck if you got offended.....this is the onion news motherfuckers.....

[megatajikistan2]

@SolidGhost101 Clearly he's taking the piss you moron, the joke is on you

[joelavalo]

lmao!

[hamster3467]

605 people died masturbating 

[nujabeez]

Lol @solidghost101, well said

[rageagaintstheNWO]

And for those who think this isn't something to joke about. Since America invaded Afghanistan and Iraq, hundreds of thousands died, but you guys still make fun of that, but when it comes to 9/11 its like some big taboo. OMG 3000 people died..We should take revenge and kill 500.000, they are sandnigger anyway, right? Third world country, we are superrior, right? RIght?....Right?

[mesohorny360]

@rageagaintstheNWO i know many people are hypocrites and and shows a lot of ignorance, but so the fuck what we lost 3,000 they lost much more. You're neither one of the casualties from 9\11 nor from the war so why do you care what they make jokes that shouldn't insult you.

[rabidsquirrelfur]

@rageagaintstheNWO we dont let japanese and indian computer nerds kill our people... lets alone citizens

[TaleOfValors]

@rageagaintstheNWO At least we freed Afghanistan from random stoning of women, hanging of homosexuals and beheading of foreigners by the radical Taliban who occupied the country themselves in 1996. There are things worth dying for and also things worth killing for. Americans killed at least 500,000 Wehrmacht soldiers during WW2 and I still think it is alright to make fun of Nazis. And I´m from Austria myself. Also I do believe that our Ideology is superior to the one of radical Muslims...

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

YOu mean the Taliban that were put in place by America?

Ooooooh....

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 So because we helped them fight against the Sovjets during the cold war era before they turned into radical dictators themselves we should have let them go on with what they did? If you were in charge they would still be allowed to prohibit music, deprive women of their rights and kill people in public just because they are gay or do not believe in their religion? Is that what you say? Thats disgusting.

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

Yeah, too bad it's taken ten years to get rid of the Taliban (oh wait, they're still there), and now the Afghans hate America anyway.

It's like Vietnam, the more soldiers you put in there, the more locals that run to the Taliban and join their ranks.

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 Just to clear things up: If you were in charge they would still be allowed to prohibit music, deprive women of their rights and kill people in public just because they are gay or do not believe in their religion?

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

It's not like America even gives a shit about the Afghan people, or at least, the government. Let's be honest, the Bush regime went in there to finish off an organisation that betrayed them.

Oh, they're basically there to exert their influence in the Middle East. Oh, and for the Heroine.

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 Frankly I don´t give a shit why they are here. Fact is, they got rid of the Taliban regime and concerning the adherence of human rights thats a good thing.

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

Yeah, but they haven't gotten rid of the Taliban.

And let me just say, the U.S. and the coalition has violated PLENTY of human rights in Iraq and Afghanistan.

But you just go on not giving a shit.

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 Its called collateral damage. You can´t compare the mistakes that have been made during war time with the genocides, the public mass executions and the political repression of the opposition during the reign of the Taliban and Saddam Hussein. America is a state of justice, the U.S. soldiers who committed crimes were brought in front of a legal court and often received draconic penalties. Stop being so hypocritical.

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

Ha! "Collateral Damage". Try telling that to a man who's family were killed in an airstrike. "Oh, we're sorry your family were collateral damage. Believe me, we only killed your family by accident because we care about liberating your country."

Do me a favor and look up the Granai Massacre. Rarely are the wrongdoers of wartime slaughter brought to justice. Was George W. Bush brought to justice? I don't think so.

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 Was Roosevelt brought to justice for bombing Dresden and Hamburg, Nagasaki or Hiroshima? He won the war, why should they bring him to justice? The winner writes the history and thank God the U.S. won the war because neither do I or the Japanese people want to live under a national socialist or fascist system of repression. I support Democracy and the moral values that come with it. Maybe its not the political "mainstream" nowadays but I am glad that the U.S. won and still win wars.

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

Don't even bother discussing World War II, an event so significant and huge that it encompassed the globe in a monstrous war and consumed an entire continent, with this chickenshit conflict that was designed to fatten the pockets of the rich white men that reside in the seat of power.

Japan instigated a military attack on a U.S. Naval base. "Al Qaeda" flew a couple of planes into some skyscrapers. If it was Al Qaeda. We have yet to get rid of Al Qaeda. Like the Vietcong.

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 White men? Why are they supposed to be white? What about Obama, Rice, Powell? They were and still are in charge of the whole operation of liberating Afghanistan. This is not about race. And yes, we have to get rid of Al Qaeda. But that doesn´t mean we don´t have to get rid of totalitarian regimes such as the one of the Taliban, of Saddam Hussein, of Kim Yong Il or of Achmadinejad. Not only to secure our own safety but also to help and free the people living in those countries.

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

Obama = Oreo

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 Now thats just inappropriate.

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

Isn't it just?

[ryanplaysbass182]

@TaleOfValors Truman bombed Nagasaki and Hiroshima

[degree7]

@TaleOfValors

Oh, and Saddam Hussein's WMDs! The same ones that the U.S. sold to him to fight the Iranians! Of course!

[TaleOfValors]

@degree7 Still doesn´t justify the Genocide he committed on the Kurdish people and all the other crimes he is responsible for. You start to run out of arguments

[SeverdSeouL]

@TaleOfValors Collateral damage? The U.S justice state? Bahahaha!!!! Wow hotshot, your ignorance is beyond comprehension! Saddam Hussein was put in power by America, did you forget that? And the CIA trained Bin Laden, and probably funds the Taliban too. So in reality, those 3000 deaths were just "collateral damage" to the CIA, the cost of making money and getting more oil. Wake up you moron, you live in a fantasy world void of logic and common sense.

[TaleOfValors]

@SeverdSeouL Why would I discuss the exact same stuff over and over again. You just wrote to me what degree7 tried to argue with two weeks ago. Read my answers to his comments, don´t rewrite everything so I constantly have to repeat myself. Did you ever think about the slight chance that you are the one who tends to believe everything they tell him and lives in a fantasy world? That maybe the U.S. aren´t that bad and imperialistic? That your teachers, friends, parents and medias lied to you? No?

[GhOsTF141]

@degree7 We havn't gotten rid of all tge Taliban yet because their whole country is filled with terrorist. And no we have not violated any human rights there either. Just admit it the U.S is the best country.

[channelochonews]

@degree7 they have no rights. There camel jockeys lol.

[G3org3Master]

@degree7 I agree. It's like, OMG there are evil Taliban, I know how to kill them, Carpet bomb the country they are in!!!

[StapleGunMS]

@degree7 Yes, accidentally killing the women and children being used as human shields is just horrible.

[degree7]

@StapleGunMS

Haha, more like negligence on their part.

[RichardGrantV]

@rageagaintstheNWO Fuck you. Our people were innocent and all murdered. The people in Afghanistan were human shields or terrorists, we never kill civis on purpose. Go back to fucking mexico.

[gnitiwrdrawkcab]

@rageagaintstheNWO didnt hurricane katrina kill like 3x as many people?

[HOLIMOUNT]

@rageagaintstheNWO cool story bro

[sbtg728]

@rageagaintstheNWO Sand Nigger??....wait...wait...you mean to tell me that theres other species of Niggers? And their made of sand? Wow scientists have a lot of explaining to do. SMH..white people and their dumb ass names. I cant even take you guys seriously when you say nigger. It just makes me laugh because it reminds me of Dave Chapelle and his black white supermacist episode. HHAHAHAHHA.

[drcleanmachine]

@sbtg728 Get the nigger! Dave Chapelle for life!

[uiruu]

@sbtg728 Lol, as a nonracist white person, I approve.