Mark Kermode's review of Pirates of the Caribbean 3

[zombofreakazoid]

I disagree with everything he said, but this is hilarious! He has a great approach to ranting, entertaining!

[frogtastic1000]

its amazing how much shit comes out of hollywood and people can't seem to get enough of it

[Mazthoril]

I think this guy is just trying to be the Yahtzee of film reviewing..... but failing.

[filmmichael]

I think it's fair to say, the greatest line in this video is: "You should see Keith Richards trying to be Keith Richards". Epic criticism from Dr. K

[SuperLUKEISBACK]

@filmmichael I thin positively teaky wins

[SuperLUKEISBACK]

@filmmichael I think positively teaky wins

[HillDueceua]

HaHa the guy just leaves for 3 minutes right in the middle of the rant

[benjaminbroekaert]

"It's like watching two chairs mating." :D

[sparkyinbath]

Funny because it's true.

[fr0st2k5]

this guy is a fucking idiot

[terratrema]

@fr0st2k5

Why? Because he hates a terrible, terrible, boring, embarrassing movie? No, that makes him at least smart.

You are a f*cking idiot for being a douche bag with no taste who likes any expensive trash that's served up to him.

Stop being an idiot, please. Just stop it! You're ruining things for the rest of us.

[joneswe01]

This man is very angry. To say his opinion as fact is just plain wrong. I don't think he said "I think" at any point during this, he just states things as fact. I don't particularly like the third film but the way he presents this review is awful. Also I think it is unfair to say that the first film was awful. It was commercially and critically regarded as being really quite good.

And wow, to say that these films are responsible for the collapse of western society is just plain idiotic.

[bodieofci5]

Pirates of the Caribbean is like sitting in a petshop watching the animals. Some are sleepy, some run around in circles, some just laze around doing nothing, which in the end adds up to wasting your time.

[Shalkore]

The cutaways to Simon are fucking priceless. Also, Kermode nails it as usual.

[ec123456789able]

i think ''OBLANDO GLOOM'' sounds better.

[CleoCaesar]

"Keira Knightley’s acting has always been wooden, but this time it’s like a petrified forest of woodenness. I mean you really feel like you could build a nice piece of IKEA furniture out of her performance. It’s that bad. And when she and Orlando Bland are on screen together, it’s like watching two chairs mating."

This man is a genuis.

[JamesOhGoodie]

Orloondo Bland! Ha!

[ec123456789able]

if it was up to mark kermode we would all be watching intellectual yarnfests about the human condition, hope, tolerance, and redemption..... most of us just want to see a good film that makes us laugh, cry, or say wow. does that make us mindless zombies or just normal human beings.

[ThePokeyPictures]

HAHAHAHHAAAA!!!! ORBLOONDO LAND

[xeractus]

I would LOVE to see his reaction on hearing that there is going to be a 4th film.

[Peadar2000]

The first film was a decent watch, the sequels were appalling. Mark Kermode is dead right.

[TreyRoque]

'They finished filming without a completed script'. LOL.

[Casarzino]

@TreyRoque that's not completely unusual. Happened with Gladiator too.

[MadJohnEscapes]

6:01 had me in stitches.

[TheSwanheart]

I love PotC, not because of the actors or anything. I think PotC is a great movie with funny characters and a good plot. But I do understand people that doesn't like the third film (even though I love it), the end is a bit too long.

[evesapple]

I never used to believe Johnny Depp's assertion that he never watched any of his films, but as he thought making Pirates 3 was a good idea after 2, and now seems to think a fourth one would be a good idea after 3, I tend to think he mustn't be aware of just how bad they are. I respect his past catalogue of work, and he is an excellent actor, but I really do think he should take a peek at his films- at least the ones he is planning to go back to.

[googoogagafoo]

"went on for 150 minutes .. nothing happened.. a bunch of stuff happened" Well, what is it?

"it was rubbish.. took a billion dollars worldwide" Uh huh..

"johnny depp" Yes, that's why he got all those nominations..

"including an underage person". Yes, that was england for you at the time.

Why are we listening to a moron who clearly knows nothing about the time it is based on, nothing about the characters.. I mean damn, who is this tit?

[19nimrod93]

@googoogagafoo 1. Nothing substantial/significant happened.

2. Just because something makes money does not mean it is good - it means it has something to sell.

3. His opinion. I happen to disagree too.

4. His point is how hideously inappropriate this is in a family/children's film. It's not meant to be a realistic representation of the 17th and18th centuries e.g. the films also make continual references to Singapore - a country which did not exist (as Singapore) until 1819 at the earliest.

[MrKris2407]

The movie is not ridiculous, YOU are! And why does you call him Orlando blend?

[sfocata]

@MrKris2407 No, it's Orloondo Bland... because he's so bland. I don't always agree with Dr Kermode's reviews (I actually quite enjoyed the first POTC film) but he's always a delight to listen to.

[ryanstiles]

@MrKris2407 - he called him "Orloondo Bland" a pun on his name. because O.B. has the same expression on his face in every scene of every movie and it seems he should be hired as a fulltime calvin klein model and quit the profession/ vocation formally known as "acting".

[gammerguy1995]

um i like this movie.

so what's that mean i a idiot? :S

this is probally the most negative review i have ever heard =(

Mark Kermode is got talendt. wow i must be a potc fanboy :D

[wackerwedge]

Wow, that was quite weird. I stuck this on while wearing the same brand of headphones. That's all.

[bluesrockfanatic]

At World's End was fucking horrible and way too long. Just a bunch of Stupid shit happened. Nothing good, just stupid. Dialogue sucked, action sucked, stunts were fucking ridiculous, and acting was just wooden. It was that terrible. To hear there might be a 4th Pirates movie- No absolutely No. Big mistake. Worst series ever seen.

[partyhat3]

The greates rant of all

[TedShatner10]

Simon Mayo's reactions on the other end are priceless.

[reservoirdog666]

too long, and shit acting...why is orlando bloom and kiera knightley still appearing in films :/ johnny depp is ok in it, but his worst performance by far.

[aderussell455]

My Good Lord Mark... that is just incredible. I forgot just how long and amazing that rant is. Truely fantastic!!

[BigOrang10]

Funny review, but I still liked the first two PotC movies.

[CaptJack88]

I love the guy reading the paper and texting. LMAO!!!

[CaptJack88]

A bunch of of stuff happened but nothing actually happened? wtf does that mean? lol

[BillyIsATwat23]

@CaptJack88

He means nothing of interest or consequence happens, and he was right.

An awful movie, just terrible.

[byte19]

wow... I thought Waterworld was the most successful flop.... oh well that's the BBC for ya... Because Blokes Care.....

[travischelgren]

huh, I though Keira Knightley was good in At World's End.

[akayplayer]

highly entertaining review, albeit its overlength (which makes it ironic opposed to the overlength of the reviewed movie..).

[ryanstiles]

It's awful that they're trying to write a fourth film at the moment. I don't want that to happen, especially if Zac Efron, the worst actor in hollywood actually plays Jack's brother.

I back 95% of what this guy says. POTC 1 was fine, but the sequels are excrutiating.

[stevieandthemagicpie]

hey, it's funny AND true!

[shortguy1994]

I didnt think it was so true, or funny for that matter

[ayguitarist]

this guy knows abosolutly nothing about these movies.

[shortguy1994]

that guy was a fag! there are so many things wrong with his review!

1.that crackheads bitchen about how the kid getting hung is too dark for a family friendly film but the movie is rated pg-13 last time i checked that wasnt family friendly!

2. that guys yellin about the film being so long and all that shit saying they never cut anything out but they did cut things out if that retard bought the dvd he'd know that!

3. he sad he was sooo right but im saying hes sooo WRONG!

[verbaluk1]

Wow! You almost had a genuine argument there!

OK, I may have overstated somewhat, you didn't have anything approaching a valid point.

PG-13 is a rating suggesting that parents themselves should decide whether children under 13 should see it - exactly what family friendly should mean.

The film is quite patently too long - the fact that it could have been even longer works against your argument, not for it.

Your third point - quite apart from being barely intelligible - was completely partial.

[haloforlife003]

omg! "Orbloondo-land" XD XD XD

thats great!!

[snubbies1111]

i am sory where dose this dum ass live iam going to kill this basterd

[shortguy1994]

i dont know why you got 4 minuses i guess people around here are just stupid

[snubbies1111]

ovisly he had not seen the secand one because he was lost to the locker. dum ass

[snubbies1111]

this guy is dum!

[shortguy1994]

i know! i dont know why ppl and giving minuses to the ppl with good comments!

[alexanderthompson]

And that is why Kermode is the best film critic around today!

Anyone who has an inch of knowlege about film, or intelligence for that matter KNOWS he is right about all his reviews. Apart from a few.

[NelsonWiddle]

Mr.Thompson.....I actually have 3.6 metres of film knowledge .

In venerating this plank I assume you are unfortunately lumbered with your angry inch.

Ever the proverbial pub-bore, he talks utterly banal twaddle about a twaddlesome movie for TEN minutes.

Hardly a rant......more a cocaine-induced resentful bitch-up on a sitting duck of a transient piece of Hollywood bum-fluff. Compared to Kael and Rosenbaum he's a straight-to-video third rate journalist.

A mean-spirited and loathsome chap.

[sameel3]

At least he SUBSTANTIATES his opinions, as opposed to your ad hominem 'twaddle'.

[NelsonWiddle]

"oh god. you're british. no wonder you're pretentious and judgemental."

[sameel3]

And yet you still respond with an AD HOMINEM. LOL.

[NelsonWiddle]

Sam..sorry for the delay in replying.

My comments on Mr.Commode are due to an insatiable desire to express my heartfelt opinion that he is Truly Odious.

I have no argument against his review of this film so take it from me that my petty and embittered petulance is not an "ad hominem" diversion but a rather direct and specific insult. And since my post was a cathartic purge of my irrational feelings towards Mr.Kermit, any substantiation would seem superfluous.

Hope this clarifies...xx

[bossman103]

This is so right on I saw Pirates on a summer holiday with kids behind me. It had an intermission, Orlando needs an actor's director and Depp is doing a cockney little bit better than Dick van dyke

[bossman103]

This is so right on I saw Pirates on a summer holiday with kids behind me. It had an intermission, Orlando needs an actor's director and Depp is doing a cockney little bit better than Dick van dyke

[markhillary]

just great - love the radio 5 show on fridays!

[xjrs315]

Great rant.

[pirateprincess1213]

wow. this guy is sooo off. if pirates is stupid, why is it one of the best selling movies of all time(DMC)? anyway, with his line of "nine pieces of eight" A PIECE OF EIGHT IS THE ACTUAL NAME ON THE COIN!! IF YOU ONLY HAD 1 PIECE OF EIGHT, I'D STILL BE CALLED A PIECE OF EIGHT!! uhhhh!

[moistandwanting]

best-selling does not equal good. look at any best-of list (AFI top 100, maybe) and try to match it up against a list of the top-selling movies of all time and you'll see that you're a moron.

[fish231uk]

He said "ninth piece of eight". Your inability to listen is matched only by your idiocy.

[kinkyuploader]

princess1213, i'd really like to hear a brief list of the best films you've seen in your life? i imagine all 3 pirates movies would be there. feel free to msg me with the list.

[markhillary]

lol - since when did best selling mean best?

[snotbag1234]

this guys an idiot and all you ppl who agree with him are idiots as well, if u dnt like the film fine but stop bitching cos its sooooo popular for a reason. this guy is the worst critic i've heard of he needs a career change he's missed the mark by 10,000 miles with that shit review

[shortguy1994]

you took the words right outta my mouth

[Garfler]

yay! finally a review of p3!

[stinkinape]

spot on

[PaddyGoo]

Hilarious! And as usual Mark was pretty much spot on. Only braindead Sun readers would get enjoy films like this, so depressing. But at least it's not as terrible like as The Fast and The Furious parts 1 - 68 thicko tripe.

[Garfler]

haha

[CarpetGerbil]

I loved the first Pirates film, found the 2nd one mildly entertaining in places. But Kermode is spot-on about the 3rd instalment! Maybe I'm not in a position to judge as it's the first time I have EVER walked out of a film before it finished. It's not the worst film I've ever seen; at least with bad films you can derive some sort of entertainment. The problem was that the multiple plotlines and HORRENDOUS editing pissed me off so much that I no longer cared at all what was going to happen.

[withoutspace]

As with all movies, this had problems, but Mark Kermode is an arrogant tosser. Had he but one bone in his body that could review a movie objectively, rather than from his narrow minded subjectivity, then I might have actually agreed with some points here. However, his negativity is so dire that it has put me off completely.

Still, it was amusing to see Simon bored of his rant.

[wayzotoichi]

DO watch this..it's funny ^ _ ^ ..VERY

LOL, Simon Mayo looks so ...haggard

like Mark is weathering Mayo's face away with his critique.

Mark Kermode's tongue is is like cat o' 9 tails casually lashing the cast with the sharpest, most toxic criticisms heard...maybe rightly.

2 chairs mating HAHAHAHA

[CitizenGeek]

Mark Kermode is such an asshole - that 'critique' was terrible and based ENTIRELY on his opinion and his refusal to the view film from another perspective.

[tommyhall12]

I think it's impossible to view such an abysmal film from any other point of view

[noname1209]

Isn't that the point of reviews?

[Depplover123]

Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 Was fucking awsome as hell! Mark or what ever is fucking annoying!!!! im gonna shot myself if i hear this guy talk any longer! how does someone talk 11 min stright!

[PaddyGoo]

Ha ha what's up, can't admit to enjoying brain dead bollocks? That's what Hollywood excels at!

[njh3890]

hahahaha. you do realise mayo was joking don't you???

[jelly1967]

The 'Good Doctor' rocks.

[TheJ27]

The movie did suck as I see it, but the analysis provided here is naught but arrogant and subjective drivel. Moving along...

[groovidoodle]

hahaha 'if u pay money to go see Pirates of the Caribean 3 you are bringing down western civilisation' Classic

[Linsert]

Kermode is spot on; Mayo is a tosser.