Your approach is terribly refreshing... You're taking all my preconceived notions on the topic of death and standing them on end. Maybe it's something that I need...
Thank you. I think the whole notion of death needs looking at quite differently and more realistically. I hope what Ishare is helpful for others, that would add to it for me, and my mother too, I know.
Though you think that you have not been enough precise, the part about the letting go of them, so not to bring back any useless emotions which I may add can also in many way bring back their own fear of death, is a very important reflection.
As I look back at my past experiences of last Swan song of my mother and oldest brother, a lot to learn remain's. Though I find it hard to fallow you on your journey I do have so much still to learn. Merci...
'can also in many way bring back their own fear of death, is a very important reflection.'
That's a really important point, thank you for sharing it.
Please, only come as far as you wish with me on this journey. I have no desire to torture anyone with it, or make friends accompany me to places they do not wish to go. You know I appreciate your friendship and no obligation is included. I think we all have much to learn on this topic, but it must still be an active choice.
Well yes, and no. Of course it's painful, and I agree there is a far more intense pain when it's sudden, but for me at least it also reminds me of the reason for that feeling. My father died suddenly a long time ago, and while I would love to see him and know I never will which is sad, I can consult him, feel close to him, have a sense of him, not from any belief, but because he's so much part of me, so well known.
My experience is that regrets I have heard expressed have been around what what not said, rather than what was. I guess there is a lesson in that. With kind regards, Mark.
It is sad, and rather peculiar. The whole 'I want to remember them as they were' justification is a rather odd one, as if the person died long before they did. What about what they need? That's hardly the nature of true friendship. I guess it's fear in reality, as if coming close to death may somehow taint or infect you.
My mum told me she had had enough and that she wanted to go. We had many conversations over the next several months and I completely understood how she felt. My wife and I nursed her for several months and it was only when she went into hospital (to build up her strength) that she went down hill very fast. We got an urgent call at 2am one morning to 'come in'. We held her hand and it was my wife who said " You've done a great job, you can go now". Which she quietly did.
it is the selfishness that most focus on to much.I Agree, i spent the last day telling my mother who couldn't speak anymore it was time to let go and be with dad again, her work on earth was done. she lived for her kids after he died in 82 she change a lot back then to keep us on the right track in life. the only thing we wanted to do let her do it her way ( well most of us ).
There are some wonderful memories I will have of this time, I have seen aspects of my mother I have never seen before, her essence, which is quite beautiful.
Yes, I told my mother some time ago it was alright for her to go when she needed to, but I think letting go can prove difficult for those who have spent a lifetime caring for others.
:) I've heard quite a few stories of the dying reassuring others. Whatever their reasons it seems more often than not to feel alright, a sort of homecoming.
You're quite right at the end about the pressure some people put on those who are dying.
On a more humorous note though, when my grandmother was dying my aunts and uncles were gathered around her bed. At one point they thought the moment had come, and as she closed her eyes (she was lucid till the end) some spoke up and said "goodbye mum".
Upon which she opened her eyes and said "You're leaving already?"
OK - before I get into the real message of this video, I'll pause it to tell you:
I'm currently using a voice recorder (on loan but I might buy one eventually) and it's great for recording voice. It means that in the editing software I need to match sound to video manually, and that is a bit of a nuisance, but the quality is so much better. Anyway. The sound on this is good enough; I couldn't hear you on the bus earlier but here at home the sound is fine. Now for what you're telling us [play]
I'll bear that in mind, though I'm not sure I'd want to be fiddling and trying to marry up sound and image. I think you can get an extending sound thing for my camcorder, but then I'd like an HD widescreen one as well, unfortunately funds will not presently allow.
It's impossible to say what one would do if it arose. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't take an overdose, for all sorts of reasons, but then I can't say for sure. There are so many possible circumstances.
Your journey, The Lady Mary's journey can only help...even though there does not seem to be a "groundswell" of comments or support for this topic - people are afraid..
Cathy, THIS MESSAGE IS TOO IMPORTANT to be swept under the rug.
I will and I agree. I realise it's not that easy to break down such a powerful taboo and also that there is no need for all my subscribers and friends to feel they have to immerse themselves in death just because that's what I'm having to do right now. I'm happy to carry on with these knowing that they will be there when others need them, and hopefully begin to change the hidden nature of death. I really do value your encouragement and support though, a great deal. Thank you. :)
Your approach is terribly refreshing... You're taking all my preconceived notions on the topic of death and standing them on end. Maybe it's something that I need...
fehquig 3 years ago
Thank you. I think the whole notion of death needs looking at quite differently and more realistically. I hope what Ishare is helpful for others, that would add to it for me, and my mother too, I know.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
Though you think that you have not been enough precise, the part about the letting go of them, so not to bring back any useless emotions which I may add can also in many way bring back their own fear of death, is a very important reflection.
As I look back at my past experiences of last Swan song of my mother and oldest brother, a lot to learn remain's. Though I find it hard to fallow you on your journey I do have so much still to learn. Merci...
Boucrate 3 years ago
'can also in many way bring back their own fear of death, is a very important reflection.'
That's a really important point, thank you for sharing it.
Please, only come as far as you wish with me on this journey. I have no desire to torture anyone with it, or make friends accompany me to places they do not wish to go. You know I appreciate your friendship and no obligation is included. I think we all have much to learn on this topic, but it must still be an active choice.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
Well yes, and no. Of course it's painful, and I agree there is a far more intense pain when it's sudden, but for me at least it also reminds me of the reason for that feeling. My father died suddenly a long time ago, and while I would love to see him and know I never will which is sad, I can consult him, feel close to him, have a sense of him, not from any belief, but because he's so much part of me, so well known.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
My experience is that regrets I have heard expressed have been around what what not said, rather than what was. I guess there is a lesson in that. With kind regards, Mark.
dashpoet 3 years ago
Indeed. Thank you Mark.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
It is sad, and rather peculiar. The whole 'I want to remember them as they were' justification is a rather odd one, as if the person died long before they did. What about what they need? That's hardly the nature of true friendship. I guess it's fear in reality, as if coming close to death may somehow taint or infect you.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
My mum told me she had had enough and that she wanted to go. We had many conversations over the next several months and I completely understood how she felt. My wife and I nursed her for several months and it was only when she went into hospital (to build up her strength) that she went down hill very fast. We got an urgent call at 2am one morning to 'come in'. We held her hand and it was my wife who said " You've done a great job, you can go now". Which she quietly did.
spider.
araneus1 3 years ago
That sounds a really healthy and loving way to have been with her. Thank you for sharing it. :)
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
" talking to the dying"..........this is some bleak stuff.
LimpLoser 3 years ago
It is intense, bizarre, emotional, surreal, loving, extraordinary. But not bleak, no.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
it is the selfishness that most focus on to much.I Agree, i spent the last day telling my mother who couldn't speak anymore it was time to let go and be with dad again, her work on earth was done. she lived for her kids after he died in 82 she change a lot back then to keep us on the right track in life. the only thing we wanted to do let her do it her way ( well most of us ).
czarwright 3 years ago
after the chemo i was glad she could taste food again before she went, that big smile will be one of the last memoirs i wish to hold on too.
to share is to care ;o)
czarwright 3 years ago
There are some wonderful memories I will have of this time, I have seen aspects of my mother I have never seen before, her essence, which is quite beautiful.
'to share is to care ;o)'
Yes indeed. :)
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
Yes, I told my mother some time ago it was alright for her to go when she needed to, but I think letting go can prove difficult for those who have spent a lifetime caring for others.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
After Mommy Slipped into coma.The crowds came and went.
In her final hours ,a quiet time Just Rose and I sat there
Rose was holding her hand and crying.
Mom opened her eyes
Looked at us
Asked Rose
Why are you crying
Don't cry .Its OK
I'm going to be with him.
After a short time Mom closed her eyes.Her organs shut down a few hours later.
michaelispan 3 years ago
:) I've heard quite a few stories of the dying reassuring others. Whatever their reasons it seems more often than not to feel alright, a sort of homecoming.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
You're quite right at the end about the pressure some people put on those who are dying.
On a more humorous note though, when my grandmother was dying my aunts and uncles were gathered around her bed. At one point they thought the moment had come, and as she closed her eyes (she was lucid till the end) some spoke up and said "goodbye mum".
Upon which she opened her eyes and said "You're leaving already?"
She was still able to crack a joke.
rozeboosje 3 years ago
You've just identified my next video topic. It's one I've hesitated to do since it may seem even more bizarre and irreverant: death and laughter.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
It sure is
rozeboosje 3 years ago
And if you really can't say it, SHOW it.
rozeboosje 3 years ago
Indeed.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
OK - before I get into the real message of this video, I'll pause it to tell you:
I'm currently using a voice recorder (on loan but I might buy one eventually) and it's great for recording voice. It means that in the editing software I need to match sound to video manually, and that is a bit of a nuisance, but the quality is so much better. Anyway. The sound on this is good enough; I couldn't hear you on the bus earlier but here at home the sound is fine. Now for what you're telling us [play]
rozeboosje 3 years ago
I'll bear that in mind, though I'm not sure I'd want to be fiddling and trying to marry up sound and image. I think you can get an extending sound thing for my camcorder, but then I'd like an HD widescreen one as well, unfortunately funds will not presently allow.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
Very interesting, perceptive video...
2bsirius 3 years ago
Thanks Karen.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
ive often thought that maybe i would take an overdose if i was told i was dying.dont know if i would thoo?
popebenadict16 3 years ago
It's impossible to say what one would do if it arose. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't take an overdose, for all sorts of reasons, but then I can't say for sure. There are so many possible circumstances.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
but isnt it the same as going to a swiss clinic and ending it there while you can, with some dignity?
popebenadict16 3 years ago
I think everyone should have that choice, and that it should be available in this country.
FinalTaboo 3 years ago
Please continue.
Your journey, The Lady Mary's journey can only help...even though there does not seem to be a "groundswell" of comments or support for this topic - people are afraid..
Cathy, THIS MESSAGE IS TOO IMPORTANT to be swept under the rug.
VedekDrew 3 years ago
I will and I agree. I realise it's not that easy to break down such a powerful taboo and also that there is no need for all my subscribers and friends to feel they have to immerse themselves in death just because that's what I'm having to do right now. I'm happy to carry on with these knowing that they will be there when others need them, and hopefully begin to change the hidden nature of death. I really do value your encouragement and support though, a great deal. Thank you. :)
FinalTaboo 3 years ago