Easter; Hershey's Chocolate; JESUS; Texas House Bill HB02454I

[nicanicabad]

This is a great video!!

[LictorCrotch]

Vfx said you couldn't have the chocolate. He was even wrong about that.

[emancoy]

if that bill gets passed, then there's a new to make fun of texans

[emancoy]

ROFL!

[dumdan1988]

Hope it's NOT fish flavored

[AnnaMayEyes]

At our WalMart, they have the chocolate crosses on a display table right in the entrance. I couldn't decide if it was funny or just plain weird.

[metalsusa1]

Walmart should sell a chocolate Mohammad with a bonus strap on bomb for the holiday season to punish the infidels.

[metalsusa1]

Why doesn't Texas just get it over with already and sussed from the U.S.

[chaogenus]

@metalsusa1 Considering that the land that is Texas was paid for by the United States government when $15 million was paid to Mexico in the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo in 1848 the religious nut jobs have no grounds on which to secede.

Perhaps they can buy some land in Guyana and leave the rest of us alone. :)

Of course I'm joking, on the Guyana part, maybe some day the children of these morons will set Texas right.

[DerSchnurrbart]

That Texas law is a good one. Hopefully a law banning discrimination against flat earth and geocentric researchers will pass shortly after this. Then we will have true justice.

[blazemama82]

Hilarious....jesus chocolate fish!!! Lol

[blazemama82]

I fucking love it!!! Lol

[geffel]

Choclate Jesus on the cross with speared date palms and shrivelled walnuts...

[SlideRulePirate]

"Chocolate-Jesus_Fish", they really know their market don't they.

I wonder if they are working up to little rock-candy hammers and nails so people can indulge in little confectionary lynchings in the comfort of their own homes.

[skeletonmom]

Its cool. I think you would absolutely love it. Take the chocolate tasting workshop. You get to try all of their Hershey flavors and then take a big milk chocolate bar home.

When you have a whole day to kill, the Hershey Park Amusement is fun! Water parks, rides and coasters.

[geffel]

You only get to eat dead jew flesh at Catholic mass.

[Paxmax]

Jesus fish? Chocolate with a hint of anchovies?

[Puchicas9]

Chocolate fish? Barf!

[luccaskunk]

I suggest that if this bill passes, we send a bunch of people to Texas universities to study cosmology or biology and have them do things like apply for funding to throw rocks over their shoulders to study the Ancient Greek "alternative theory" regarding the rebirth of the Earth. Also similar stunts can be pulled for the thesis.

[anmoose]

Texas is hopeless. My brother lives there, and he's part of what's wrong with it.

Next year we'll probably get a milk chocolate Jesus ghost, complete with its own edible sarcophagus.

[rusle]

Will this bill stop a University from require a knowledge of certain scientific theories in order to be accepted?

a scientific theory is not just a theory.

[Tridhos]

I recall the story of the person phoning a local jeweller's shop asking if they stocked a small crucifix to hang around the neck. The girl assistant trying to be helpful asked if they wanted the one with the little guy attached to the crucifix.

[commanderkruge]

Do they chocolate Chtulhus too? :)

[PluralOfEverything]

First they attack Pearl Harbor, and now they manufacture inferior electronics? That's it. I'm going to pray for a huge earthquake to hit them.

[bamboo4tameshigiri]

Texas is one of the MOST backwards states in the union and it is one of the most regressive states. Alabama used to the butt of the back woods jokes, but there is a new contender.

[bamboo4tameshigiri]

That's nothing. I've seen a crucifix dildo!

[connerjd]

@bamboo4tameshigiri That would certainly be interesting.

[bowlsallbroken]

@bamboo4tameshigiri

Ever seen the Baby Jesus buttplug?

It's disturbing... not because it's Jesus, mind you, but because it really resembles a baby.

[TheCurmudgen]

Considering Texas wants to rewrite history books and the fact G.W. Bush is from Texas....does it really surprise you? Nice intro singing. Kind of reminds me of when I sing along to Sheryl Crow's "Are you strong enough to be my man?"

[bdf2718]

Attach a chocolate easter bunny to the chocolate cross. Celebrate two myths at once!

[PluralOfEverything]

@bdf2718 It takes more faith not to believe in the easter bunny than to believe.

[bdf2718]

@PluralOfEverything

You bunnyists keep saying that to all us abunnyists, even though it's not true.

[0609jean]

"100% Jesus chocolate"

Uh.... OK. I won't tell you what my girlfriends and I used to joke about finding in our kids' diapers 40 years ago. Cripes, it's even sort of the right shape.

[luc59457]

I can only imagine how many of those chocolate Jesus fish sold.

[NotSoOldHippy]

@shatterspider

Step #1: Purchase a claw hammer at Home Depot

Step #2: Step out in to the parking lot

Step #3: While chanting "Jesus" club your head with the claw end repeatedly

Step #4: Rape some kids for Jesus

Step #5: Create a web site spewing frothingly insane cult lunacy

[shotgunlo]

If the chocolate Jesus fish worked, it'd be enough candy to sate the masses.

[NotSoOldHippy]

ROFL!!! Fucking insane cultists!

[SiriusMined]

So on the one hand, they want businesses to be able to discriminate on race, but not to discriminate against the scientifically illiterate..IN SCIENCE CLASSES.

[NotSoOldHippy]

@SiriusMined Nobody ever accused cultists of being even remotely sane.

[SiriusMined]

Your own, personal, chocolate Jesus.....

[NotSoOldHippy]

@SiriusMined LOL! And that personal Jesus melts in the fucking Sun, how fucking insane is that? LOL!

[TheAnniepies]

The chocolate cross really is just as absurd as a chocolate guilotine.

Great subliminal guilt indoctrination for the kiddies.

[rtottenc]

Chocolate Jesus Fish? Holy Mackerel!

[NotSoOldHippy]

@rtottenc Rilly, what's next, a chocolate fucking virgin Mary? LOL! The religious are fucking insane.

[bowlsallbroken]

Don't go to church on Sunday Don't get on my knees to pray Don't memorize the books of the Bible I got my own special way I know that Jesus loves me Maybe just a little bit more I fall down on my knees every Sunday At Zerelda Lee's candy store Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus Make me feel good inside Got to be a chocolate Jesus Keep me satisfied

[NotSoOldHippy]

@bowlsallbroken Can I get a Jesus with rice crispies?

[bowlsallbroken]

@NotSoOldHippy

This is a personal and deeply spiritual matter. I suggest you pray on it.

[macnutz]

I suppose universities with astronomy courses should also fund astrology 'research'. They think it is unfair that the money earmarked for scientific research can't be used to finance their political and religious intentions.

I'm with Tom Waits on the chocolate, it's Gotta be a Chocolate Jesus to satisfy my soul.

[Pigdowndog]

The great Tom Waits got in first with the "Chocolate Jesus"

[DonSSanders]

Texas...PLEASE SUCCEED FROM THE UNION....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!

[TheJudoKevin]

I'm moving to Texas. I'll research creationism all day for government money. A 10 million$, 10 year study sounds about right.

Press conference at my mansion . . .

Reporter: So, after 10 million dollarsof taxpayer money and 10 years of intensive research, what did you find?

Me: Jack shit. Thanks for coming everybody . . . my butler will show you out. Watch your shoes on the marble and please don't talk to my snake - he's a bit tired from debating my donkey about the vapor canopy.

[NotSoOldHippy]

@TheJudoKevin Do it, dude! Don't forget to print a newsletter for $20 a year subscription. :) The fucking insane cultists will be climbing over each other to throw money at you.

[Hannsfeld]

Didn't you read the fine print? Chocolate Jesus(tm) is sold separately (hard candy nails and crown of thorns not included).

[NotSoOldHippy]

@Hannsfeld

"Serving suggestion only. Does not resurrect."

[richardmoz]

Oh jesus that's all i can say about the jesus fish. Give me a break. 

[Brascofarian]

You're looking fully recovered now mate, good to see.(must be a miracle! ;) )

[NotSoOldHippy]

@Brascofarian Desertphile should take that chocolate Jesus to some child-molesting Christanic priest and have it "blessed" on camera so it could be posted to YouTube.

[Brascofarian]

@NotSoOldHippy That would be great XD

[SEThatered]

Hey how about jesus-pinata, crucifix-guitar, crucifix-hammer or crucifix-pogo-stick!

[gingergreek]

So I guess Jesus H Christ stands for Jesus Hershey Christ? I knew it!!

So this Creationist wants the Tax payer to waste millions on nothing? Sums America up pretty well :D

[phenixwryter]

Haha-yeah, I've seen the chocolate easter crosses at Wallyworld. Kind of macabre when you think about it.  : D

[pilgrimpater]

The reason why there was no dead jew on the cross is because chocolate nails are crap.

[tmafkap]

Now I gotta listen to that certain song by Tom Waits...

[8809aj]

Careful now u don't wanna piss off the Texas tank

[TheLivingDinosaur]

Did these people think about what their religious confectionery will be converted to after consumption? As PPSimmons would say - "Oh, the irony of it all."

[isisdron]

@TheLivingDinosaur hilarious!! glad someone pointed that out, mate

[coldshot5555]

ya got me smiling...thx my friend!

[pigwigpa]

died chocolate jew?....You mean Sammy Davis jr

[Desertphile]

@pigwigpa ; "died chocolate jew?....You mean Sammy Davis jr"

ROTFL! He was "The Chocolate Monk" in the movie "Cannonball Run." Great movie. "Because you're small! SMALL! S, M, ALL!"

[SiriusMined]

@Desertphile " He was "The Chocolate Monk" in the movie "Cannonball Run." Great movie. "Because you're small! SMALL! S, M, ALL!""

I love that movie! And that part in particular

[pigwigpa]

@Desertphile The funny part is I used the wrong tense. It should be dead ansd not died. Remember Sammy Davis Jr's cameo on "all in the family"

[metalsusa1]

@pigwigpa That's just wrong!! LOL!

[Rettequetette]

So funny... the people in the Dutch Bible Belt would find that chocolate utterly blasphemous and offensive. It would probably be forbidden over here.

[NotSoOldHippy]

@Rettequetette No fooling? Hell, we should look at what it would take to flood the Dutch Bible Belt with them then, see if they'll go on a killing rampage! That would be awesome. :)

[Rettequetette]

@NotSoOldHippy I like the thought of that. If I was some big shot in the candy business, I would definitely import them and take them into all the supermarkets. Just to see what happens. And for teh lulz, of course ;-)

[nekedemus]

Jehbus heist !

[WildwoodClaire1]

No Mary?!

[GluteusIlluminatus]

What? No dead jew on the chocolate easter cross? What a rip-off.

[toppledgod]

Maybe some Tsunami water got in it ;-)

[lamnaa]

100% Jesus Chocolate. May contain traces of Mohammed and nuts.

[NotSoOldHippy]

@lamnaa Contains traces of Mohammed's nuts.

[billythefifer]

I want a chocolate darwin fish.............. yummy

[Sadochrist]

I love that song at the beginning if I were a song I'd have sex with that song and make awesome song babies :D I also wish we had these chocolate icons here so I could feel more blasphemous at easter, mmm sacrilicious.

[hgryphon]

Let's be real, Desertphile, if it was made in the USA it'd be a white chocolate Jew on that cross.

[rozeboosje]

Of course there is something wrong with Texas ..

[ClockworkChristmas]

''Then Texas might have some problems'' Nice to see you joined us Mr.Phile.

[johncrwarner]

When it comes to bad taste in the form of chocolate for Easter - I think a chocolate cross and a chocolate "Jesus" fish rank pretty high - there is no "Jesus" on the cross as you are in ultra-protestant land - where the cross is empty as "Jesus" is risen. It would definitely be too catholic to have a "Jesus" on there.

Is that piece of legislation - like a lot of laws proposed - a bit of grandstanding by a moron for his constituents - you know morons.

[smashbeans]

i want a choclet easter iron maiden :P

[lazyperfectionist1]

“Damn Japanese technology.”

You mean your camera wasn’t made in China?

Well putting a dead Jesus on there would make it a crucifix, which would probably be too Catholic. How about putting the fish on the cross?

The day an institute of higher learning stops “discriminating” against creationism, it stops being an institute of higher learning.

[6stringbadger]

What would a chocolate Jesus be filled with? Probably peanuts and nougat.

[NotSoOldHippy]

@6stringbadger More likely filled with stupidity and hydrogen. }:-}

[hollyspry]

I wondered myself about a chocolate Darwin fish as soon as you took out the Jesus fish. I'd love to find some Darwins to pass out on Easter Sunday. Also, an institution wanting funds to research creationism should no longer be considered a "higher education" facility. What an embarrassing proposition of a bill for the state of Texas.

[wakeangel2001]

you never heard of Russel Stover? "Nothing comes closer to home" I can't believe you never heard of them!

[Kargoneth]

A chocolate Darwin fish would be awesome.

[debbieomi]

I am SO writing up a little sign to add to the chocolate cross display at my local Walmart, asking "where's the bloody jew?"

[lazyperfectionist1]

@debbieomi That's not blood. It's caramel.

[debbieomi]

@lazyperfectionist1 HAHAHA...where's the caramel filled jew? Brilliant!

[lazyperfectionist1]

@debbieomi "Take this chocolate and eat it, for it is my body. Take the butterscotch and drink it, for it is my blood." Much better.

[figmenttt]

at least they didn't make them out of dark chocolate.

[creativeinsult]

choclit jeezis fish!!

[billygutter01]

At least the dead skunk wasn't in the middle of the road.

[1tofallen]

I'm glad that Oklahoma and New Mexico make nice buffers between Texas and Colorado.

[AnonaThetan]

They should make a new candy bar and call it "GRAVITY Bar" and put your screaming face on the wrapper

[mobiltec]

My favorite easter treat is the hollow chocolate easter bunny. Can't beat it! In order to be fair, they must also fund the research of scientology right?

[floydstinkyboy]

as amended:

An institution of higher education must discriminate against and penalize in every possible manner, especially with regard to employment and academic support, all faculty members or students who conduct theology in the name of research relating  to the theory of intelligent design, or other silly creationist theories of the origination and development of organisms.

[jetmanisme]

Count Chocula: The power of Chocolate Jesus compels you.

[cal50m2]

Eating the flesh of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is both fun and easy. Yet another reason to convert.

[Scarletpooky]

Am I the only one disturbed by him singing "I'm just a girl"?

[keithrockerboblewis]

Let us know how is when you eat it. I guessing it's heavenly.

[connerjd]

No matter what, hershey chocolate is still chocolate!

[skeletonmom]

@connerjd -  Yeah...now with an industrial stabilizer additive called TBHQ that is a by product of the oil industry...yum!

[connerjd]

@skeletonmom I still like chocolate and probably will until the day that I die.

[skeletonmom]

@connerjd - Chocolate is great. Try the brand called "Green & Blacks"-it comes in all different flavors (contains, nuts, fruits, ginger, white chocolate, 70% dark, etc) and it doesnt have all the weirdo preservatives and "Natural Flavoring" crapola, either. If you like Hersheys, you will enjoy Green & Blacks Milk Chocolate. Dagobah is also another good, preservative free chocolate brand, too. Lots o' yummy stuff to try!

[connerjd]

@skeletonmom I appreciate the info. I have never been to Hershey, Pennsylvania, but hope to go there some day.