Self-Help Tips : How to Deal With Loneliness as a Single Person

[heyboy93]

first of all this advice you have just given does not require a ph.d

second of all, im a very shy person and i suffer keeping up with social interactions. i cant look a person in the eye, and i never got anyone's attention when i spoke out loud because, as i concluded, im a very dull person.

your video is a fail.

excuse me for writing about my situation i just felt like i need to express it somehow

[BabyKieransParty]

Yes great advice... Haaahaa please tell me this is a piss take...

[danielkirk1]

Having nothing to talk about is my number one problem. With the internet, nothing is new to anybody anymore. The want to see other people is diminishing in everybody, and i'm suffering alot for it. I find also if i relax and talk about mellow things, i'm shortly after given excuse why they can't talk much longer etc...

Of course, this doesn't stop asking for my charity. Or it doesn't stop people from getting things off me with ease. It's a very hard life, but at least I have the lord.

[Coastlinewalks]

That is great advice .. its amazing that when you feel at rock bottom as I am right now .. you feel worthless and powerless and without friends .. but as you said those things .. I thought yes, I could do that, thank you.

[MsDbaugh]

This truly isnt bad advice. It just doesnt help with being lonely.

[SirAlfredSourcock]

Is this a joke?

[ElegeantFencer]

I am a lonely teenager and this advice doesn't sound good at all.

[MrPhishdix]

lol if this guy can make 100 k a year illlll become a physciatrist 

[Lone1Wolf8]

who gave this guy a degree. How does this help me...

[FlamebergeDuster]

Loneliness can even strike when you're surrounded by people... it's the little things like when someone stops listening, cuts your off while talking, doesn't make eye contact--ceasing communication and making you feel less than... it's when they basically shun you.

[BarbaraFreedom]

Reading all these comments helps my loneliness. A little. It's good to know you're not the only one, and that it feels like hell for many of us. This man groups "coupled' with "single" people. Truth is, it's ALOT more difficult for a single person. I've been single for 16 years after my divorce and been through several counselors. It hurts like hell to always have to take care of yourself, on your own, not have another person to bounce ideas off of or share your average day with.

[NewEnglandMike]

i feel lonley because i dont have a girlfriend and ive moved 3000 miles away from all of my friends due to forces out of my controll :/

[Mystrymeat]

@PainfulLover219 Why the frig would that person enlist in the military?

[NewEnglandMike]

@Mystrymeat

im doing it because i need a job

[Mystrymeat]

@NewEnglandMike Ah, now that makes sense. Damn recessions!

[NewEnglandMike]

@Mystrymeat

en effet (indeed)

[mohammadshukri]

Can constantly worrying about your face, change your normal facial expression and your normal face.

[YousefNjjr]

he's on the right track, but needs to mention that its the quality of a relationship that negates loneliness and not the quantity.

watch?v=flLMLzCJ5Wg&feature=re­lated

[WORLD8NSH5KNIGHT1]

I appreciate your good intentions doctor, but really, simply communicating with other people isn't enough. It can ease the emotional pain a little, temporarilly, but for many single people, the intense desire for an intimate relationship far transends what can be gained in friendship. I am fortunate to get on with many people and I have many female friends. Im grateful for that. But it simply doesn't ease this agonising feeling that penetrates my entire life.

[mari777here]

@mayopubesandwich That's funny! Just added some more girls night outs to my life. It's working wonders. Except now the hubby thinks I don't spend enough time with him. You just can't win. Can ya?

[claudelebel55]

Very poor advice for the more conscious among us. This is what almost everyone is already doing and it generally adds up to an avoidance strategy. The only way out is to dive deep into it and discover our aloneness. Check out 'Loneliness and Pain' and "Adyashanti - Aloneness and fear" on youtube for some conscious advice as opposed to a coping strategy.

[TheSeeker008]

has the whole world turned gay? WTF is going on?

[Truth118]

I feel lonely because I feel that there isn't another person out there that I can talk to about deeper, personal things without feeling uncomfortable. I'm in high school and the pickings are slim :/

[delio28]

THANK DR.BAREBACK!



[mari777here]

Can you do one on "How to deal with loneliness as a married woman"?

[MrFunnyvids20]

docter, you need to expirience what lonleyness is to understand the feelings, depth and magnitude if it.

[MrFunnyvids20]

that didnt help a single bit -.-

[jerryaltman]

Better lonely than anNoyed !!!

[LaDork621]

Oprah does not own.

[jazzmanzoot]

Idiot !

[perrydasavage]

His advice is B.S. One can't be around people all the time ... the lonliness a person experiences during times when alone can be crushing. Also you can't force yourself on people ... when my wife ended our 22 year marriage, most of friends (who were "our" mutual friends) abandoned me as well ... the lonliness I have experienced every day since can't be cured by joining a Club ...

[iscrca]

@perrydasavage I have been there. When my husband told me he wanted a divorce I felt my world came crushing down. I moved out of state so that I wouldn't have a constant daily reminder of him. I cried and cried and I even ended up on anti-depressants. However, I don't cry anymore but the loneliness is still there especially at night when I go to bed alone or I see other couples. It's hard during the holidays. I know what you are going through. I wish you luck, Isabel

[solitajre222]

@perrydasavage Man, i really feel that, even though i havent gone through the exact same thing...

I've been alone alot of my so far short life. It was like, i had "friends" and people around, but i didnt really like their company, i was diffrent from them. So we never really did anything, just some "kids in my school" I know you didnt ask for my little story, but oh well.

But yeah, i can sort of feel you. in a diffrent way.

I can say that playing an instrument helped me a shit load.

[KiDFRANKKK]

Not only is this guy an obvious queer, hes wrong. And his advice is shit.

[Hostie17]

this doesn't help me. what do i do if i am lonely but also socially inept plus i have social anxiety.

[ChooseMyFamily]

Staying open 2the many ways of making meaningful connections is essential 4effectively dealing w/loneliness. Thanks!

[iggypot]

d-bag.

[BILLINGHAM36]

this blokes just promoting his business, imagine having a consultation with him. probably just end up telling me things i already know. psychiatrists and social workers etc have a simplistic view on life. just get out their amongst people and that will solve all your problems. however some find it hard to get past the door, nevermind amongst people.

[BILLINGHAM36]

what a basic view on things, not that simple.

[VinceNoir11]

The more I get involved with people, the lonelier I get, I look at them and realise I'll never have what they have, each other. Everytime I get close to someone I fuck it up and end up worse than I was before, just getting out and about and meeting people wont change a fucking thing, It's not as simple as that, If it were.....

[faridjabba]

@VinceNoir11 somtiemes hapen to me like this man

[EliteDoomer]

No one else is needed, only desired. Strength through solitude.

[RlGrl1]

@EliteDoomer too much solitude is like death. at least it is for me.

[EliteDoomer]

@RlGrl1 You have never nor will you experience death. It is the freedom from existence on all levels. Solitude produces feelings both positive and negative.

[thegriggspaul]

@EliteDoomer good point..i think the same if you can stay with aloneness which is not needing people is there a freeing in that..too know to let go..enjoy all.nothing to escape from.you cant go anywhere you allready here..

[ahexteh]

hey, I am Hex. The truth is, I am a lonely guy as well.. anyone out there, who is reading this, please send me a message if u r the same as me.

[WhiteNationalist1000]

@ahexteh Me too

[VinceNoir11]

@ahexteh Me three

[cheetahlikescheese]

i love who i am :3 im jsut practining this so i can get a better aspect of life not to be a selfish ass XD

[sneakybutler]

as much as people say "suicide isn t the way out, some1 will come along 1 day" it never works i have tried so many things to help myself and other people and no - one cares enough to listen on one side i have ppl telling me to act truthful & on the other side i have ppl telling me i need to fake it. i just dnt know anymore and its tearing me up its like i cant be around my friends anymore because whenever i see happiness it triggers jealousy and hatred in my brain my life is fucked

[luffyhiei]

I feel the same way. In my case, everyone around me seems happy. It makes me feel jealous and I begin to hate them along with everyone I know. Because I don't have friends, It's even more painful for me. I'm already certain that there is no reason for me to continue living.

[daenumen]

?? communication and social interaction have very little to do with loneliness. are you sure you are educated enough in this regard?

[Pentazoid111]

Thank you Dr. Obvious for your sound and well thought out advice for dealing with loneliness. I could not drawn that conclusion myself because the problem is so foggy that you need a shrink with a pHD and a shelf of books behind him while he is saying lonely people need to go out more to make friends. What a genius...NOT!

[xgfdx]

Thanks for nothing.

[luffyhiei]

Loneliness is not something that can be healed by meeting/communicating with other people. If that was the solution to loneliness, then I wouldn't be suffering through this hell now. It really pisses me off when someone thinks they understand loneliness when they haven't experienced it themselves. The only people who can truly understand loneliness are the people who have lived through it or experienced it

[DropDeadCouture]

@luffyhiei listen to some janis joplin she really knows what it is.

[iscrca]

@luffyhiei I totally agree with you which is why I am visiting this site. I am not talking about being with people, I want to share my life with someone. I hate it when people tell me to get out or get over it. It's like saying oh I understand the death of your child when they have never had a child die on them. Please give me a break. It is a living hell and sometimes I just want to die. I wish there were clubs out there for those of us who suffer from loneliness. Best wishes.

[jtking2504]

@iscrca, I agree, it can feel very painful and difficult to overcome. You can't just snap out of loneliness! The worst thing is to not feel understood when you're feeling that way, it makes it even worse. It feels as if you are the only person in the world who feels these painful feelings but it's comforting to know that these are very human and very normal feelings that are silently shared by many others, but they just won't tell you about it!

[Vojife]

@luffyhiei Exactly! Finally someone who thinks the same.

[isiah29sixteen]

ok NOW i feel lonely.

[strongyang]

I'm having a culture shock. I wish I could get back to the States. I'm lonely.;(

[01loosenut]

Wear are you? I was in Korea for three years and overcame my culture shock. I now have a profound love of there culture. I would love to converse with you on this matter.

[stormtrooper405]

where are you now?

[DA12IUS2]

can anyone tell me why these post don't go under the specific comments I've commented on?! it's starting to get annoying!

2 previous comments were for "Thelloveyou15"

[mathias7777777777777]

I have hundreds of people around me. I get on really well with them. I'm still lonely. I am looking for a real connection with people. That takes time and can be dangerous because it requires that people open up and risk getting hurt.

[RlGrl1]

@mathias7777777777777 yes. and risk being discarded if u don't measure up.

[Luten2012]

Sorry Doctor....that wasn't very good advise

[DropDeadCouture]

@Luten2012 he is not a doctor!!! he is a narcissistic fagster.

[perfumistaful]

This is very standard advice, and it assumes that everyone is basically the same and that loneliness is a problem of logistics. It;s not always that. Sometimes you have to connect with and appreciate what is unique in yourself so you can find others you can relate to.

This type of advice can make people feel even lonelier if they think that just going to any old cooking class or whatever is supposed to help and it doesn't...

[gunshot134]

im not sure if I'm really all that lonely, but i just got out of school and i was so used to always being around my friends that the sudden solitude just hit me like a brick. i had a crush on this girl and i didn't start getting to know until the end of the year so im pissed i never had the chance to act on that. im alone for about half of the day and it just gets tiresome, it feels great when im with my friends but i feel like this solitude is starting to screw with me. im hoping time will help

[cheetahlikescheese]

@gunshot134 time wont help dude find some freinds fast dont become like me XD not a good path to walk on

[TheIloveyou15]

I am 13 years old and i have a hard time talking and ascotiating with other kids in my community. I always feel inferior when i hang out with other girls, so in turn, i tend to iscolate myself from the crowd. I try to make conversation but i feel so uncomfortable and it causes me to feel horriible.I cant explain the feeling because it is so bad. Any advice?

[godlessKnowledge]

Anger creates confidence so get angry.

[DA12IUS2]

anger creates a false sense of confidence. often times you just come off looking like a jerk. cultivate positive self confidence. show you value yourself w/o being the bad guy (causing other people pain)

[pfccaleb]

earlier in my life when i went out into public wheni heard someone laughing i would think they were laughing at me.I dont knoe if thats how u feel but if it is just think to your self who cares.People are mean any person who makes fun of someone else, needs to look at them selves 1st.Its usually the people who think they are better than anyone else.I know people probably say this alot but the right one will come along one day.

[DA12IUS2]

1st off U must understand that this is SOOoo normal. EVERYONE goes thru this at some point in their life wether they admit it or not. U just have 2 learn 2 shrug off these "failures". we all say things & later ask ourselves "man what was I thinking?!". avoid negative self talk. EVERYTHING gets easier w/ practice (especially social). care more bout own self perception then others' judgment. love yourself 1st, then love others. positive perception inward & out. hope this helped...

[mpoet21]

I know you say to stop negative self talk but what if all you can hear are the negative things people say, including your parents my father died last year an dhe never told me that he loved me and i saw him a month before he died sense 20 years i am 25 years old and i didn't say anything to him i spent my time ebing angry and now he is gone an di am still angry and i still have no relationmship with my mother i can't bare to talk to her for more then 5 mins and this hurts.

[mpoet21]

I feel like all i do is attract bad realtionships and get hurt friends and lovers and i am scared every day an dtrust no one recently a guy hurt me and its been 3 months an di am still stuck on this hurt. i hate being lonely but every time i reach out i get hurt and rejected and i am a nice girl i don't know what else to do. thanks

[smellydee]

maybe u are talking to the wrong people. why not join a club u are interested in? do u have any hobbies that are important to u? if so u could join a club and meet people who have the same interests as you. remember u shouldnt try to be friends with someone, it should happen naturally. dont try to change urself, just be sincere and u will make lasting friendships with like minded people.

[Alucardthedeadone]

yeah but it can be harder then that.

[cheetahlikescheese]

@TheIloveyou15 im going thro what you are and deppresion lonliness i feel uncomforatble around others so i go on my own i do things by myself i am selfish in the end but i do better solo if you dont get help youll experince so cold that even the artic wind wont make you shiver

[guiding3your3abyss]

anonimity is luxury

[imtangent]

The complexities of loneliness can go very deep, from an individual and a sociological perspective. Research has shown that one in three people between 25-50yo experience loneliness (at sometime) to a degree that it negatively affects their everyday lives. How do deal with loneliness in 1 minute and 12 secondshmm.I cant speak for this 33% but from someone who has poor social skills and is very lonely themselves, despite your good intentions, I find this patronising. sorry

[Terrigm45]

If you can't speak constructively then get lost.

[skunkpit07]

you're an imbecile

[7Row7enn7]

I have not had any friends for well over 2 years now. I'm considering suicide.

[blazevoX]

try growing plants if you can. Lay off the alcohol if you drink, it can cause suicidal tendencies even more. Drink lots of water and exercise, grow some herbs that make u happy. find hobbies keep busy. Like james may from top gear says "Work sets you free!"

[7Row7enn7]

Arbeit macht frei?

[djromeouk]

mate...be strong...find hobbies...what are your interests? what kind of friends do you want?

[Terrigm45]

Be your own best friend and you will draw others to you more often. Suicide isn't the answer. Hang on.

[cheetahlikescheese]

@7Row7enn7 dude i have no freinds at all except one i dont see him anymore for about 5 years this has been goin on and i havent even considered suicide.

[mu86neer]

i used to have hundards of friends ,in my teenagerhood but now as i reached 22 i hated friends ,i just like to be on my own doing what i'm doing.

[Scudsy101]

I'm lonely,have friends...but im afraid to leave the house :P

summer is coming,im going to be at home all the time being LONELY.

ARRGH!

[mathias7777777777777]

I interact with people all of the time and get on well. The real problem is the depth and meaning of the interaction. It's this lack of meaningful interaction that i crave most.

[Shannaro18]

Hmm. That's a pretty good statement. if you or anyone else can figure that out, tell me.

[7Row7enn7]

I feel the exact same way. Absolutely no one connects with me on a personal level.

[TheGreatSaltini]

i experience loneliness yet I usually don't like interacting with people at the same time. So you can see my predicament....

[12woodsan]

you gay!!!!!!!!!!!!

[peachesgreenxiltyone]

thank you. good stuff. Dorothy, Georgia