Causing Pain: Real Stories of Dating Abuse and Violence

[FirstRival24]

I was lucky; my mother was a social worker for many years, and when my sisters and I were young, she taught us the dangers of abusive relationships while we were growing up. A few years ago, I'd entered into a relationship that was beginning to become abusive; because of my mother, I recognized the signs and ended the relationship. However, for the next three years he'd continue to stalk and harrass me; but I got past that with the help of friends & family and became a stronger person for it.

[xmanlover1978]

i am so sorry to all those people in the video.... i know what some types of abuse feels like.

[Micheal007omega]

What am I doing in this part of youtube?? Like seriously just leave the assholes, is that so hard? Christ people are so weak nowadays

[1616bluekoala1616]

@Micheal007omega Unless you've been in a abusive relationship, you don't know how it feels. Show a little compassion.

[Micheal007omega]

@1616bluekoala1616 People act like they are owed something for the wrong decisions they make, and because of the results of those decisions. They can just leave if they really feel unsafe or w/e. The beauty of being a human being is if you dont like something, you can be somewhere else tomorrow. Don't ride it out until you're unhappy with your life, people who do demean themselves like that should be ashamed.

[Micheal007omega]

@1616bluekoala1616 And of course I haven't been in a abusive relationship lol, Cause I'm wise about who I choose and for what reasons I choose them. Compassion for ppl like this is the last thing on my mind. Call it heartless or whatever you'd like but even the nicest people get annoyed with sob stories every once in a while. It's not like abuse happens over night, the first time you are abused you should do what's necessary to bring it to a stop asap. Not whine about it

[Micheal007omega]

@1616bluekoala1616 The closest thing to compassion they'd get form me is "I'm very sorry to hear that" then my day continues. I don't blame you for whatever you feel towards me after reading this. I just learned to deal with life being unfair and grew up

[1616bluekoala1616]

@Micheal007omega What you don't realize is why people don't leave an abusive relationship. In my case, I had nowhere else to go. For alot of people in abusive relationships their married or have children that they have to think about. In your mind, your children growing up without a dad, or mom, is worse then taking a punch. And sometimes, emotional abuse isn't as easy to see so you don't realize it's actually abuse until you get out of that relationship and see how controling they really are.

[TheRockabillyDoll1]

Its always ganna be stuck in your head , You will always have that bad memory :(

and be tormented that another guy might be the same way towards you

[TheRockabillyDoll1]

:'( This is Sad , You do kidd yourself that its ganna get better but in reality it doesnt

[teenagestatistic]

I was never a girl to end up in a relationship that was abusive..I never let anyone tell me what to do or step on me. I'm in far over my head and the saddest part is realizing you're in the exact position you never thought you'd end up in and you don't even have the strength to get out of it.

[ItachiRakuenByEris]

I think what we really need to see is more psa and advocacy for same-sex domestic abuse. it happens, but people just say "Oh boys fight..." or "Ooh cat fight.." I should know, I'm a lesbian, and my partner abused me.

[jajabinks1611]

man why white kids abuse thier girlfriends so much these days lol thank god us black floks have her hoes on lock and they dont even think they getting abused for 1 bit

[jayc342009]

@jajabinks1611 Wow you idiot lol. Black people are the worst for violence and crimes, just piss off and leave your racist comments to yourself.

[jajabinks1611]

@jayc342009 i was kidding dumbshit every race is just bad as the others

[jayc342009]

@jajabinks1611 Yes because i can detect sarcasm over the internet, YEAH OKAY!!!

[jajabinks1611]

@jayc342009 aw shutup that last comment was so uneccsary

[angelgirl7473]

and to the 9 DISLIKES.. i hope NON of YOU are Ever in an Abusive relationship!!!

[Morrocanprincess]

My sister almost got into a really abusive relationship, I could tell from the beginning he would have gotten way WORSE. He would text her over 70 times during the day, call the house and get really really angry if she wouldn't pick up. I was the one who put a STOP to it ! Great thing me and my sister are best friends and she listened to me, I could see the guy would have been REALLY REALLY violent to the point of fatal !

[codybe2cool]

omfg call the cops FUCK simple number 911

[un3pical]

My best friend is in an abusive relationship. She doesn't want to admit it though and keeps claiming he has changed and she gets mad at me for trying to get her out of it. Most of these stories match stories she has told me. I don't want anything happening to her...

[SCATTas]

it took me abit over 1 year to leave my abusive boyfriend, and glad i did

[o0POSH0o]

that is what you get with a feminist society..... men are angry. You reap what you sew femi nazi's

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o Just because they're angry it doesn't mean they can beat people, control what they do and/or kill them. You know, women abuse men too sometimes. Just not as often.

Stop being a douchehole.

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 you're right...... prevention is better than cure. Best to join a monastary and leave women in their own feminist religion. That way men don't have to try and rationalize and reason with women. They'll just wait for women's menopause and that'll be the time when women might come down out of their neurosis and start wanting to think the way men feel.

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o DUDE. Jesus, overreacting much? A man isn't allowed to beat a woman, or ANYBODY. Beating up people when you're angry is not a good reaction regardless of who it is! Just like you can't punch your child in the face for misbehaving, you can't punch a girl for not doing what you want them to do. It's just not a good thing to do in ANY situation!

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 Violence will always be...... because some relationships are corrosive and some relationships are mellow..... it's like hippies saying "peace not war" but in reality war is inevitable because there are ideological differences that strain other people interests. Women have been given a religion of feminism, a religion of entitlement; a religion female superiority..... just like zionism, the philosphy is corrosive against life-experience and so therefore violence in the by product.

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o No, not necessarily. War should be fought in boardrooms, with heavy discussion instead of heavy artillery.

Beating a woman (which, by the way, not all of us feel superior to men- just equal) is not right no matter what sex you are. Stop being a shit hole. I bet you abuse children and animals too, you jerk.

Oh, and by the way, how are we given "a religion of feminism?" I don't get that. So we have voting rights and we're allowed to be equal. That's not religion.

Stop trolling.

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 The underlying causes of conflict are sub conscious. It is like Christians in India. Christians think that they are doing the work of god. Hindu's hate them and kill them. Christians will interpret this as Satan persecuting them and therefore it is approved of god. Hindu's get more and more annoyed with Christians. Feminism is exactly the same principle. Feminist think they are right and they are superior and that men need to be transformed and corrected. This fuels the war.

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o ...I have never met a feminist who thinks like that. Sounds like you're talking about RADICAL feminism.

Remember that the people in this video aren't radical feminists? These are teenage girls who feel subservient to their boyfriends. Who get hit and mistreated and they aren't doing anything to deserve it.

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 Firstly all feminism is the notion that women are infinitely superior to men. Feminism is about herd culture in which the feminists become the surrogate husband. Men should raise their standards and stop being so needy. If men were more in control of their own situation and stop caring about women then men will be far better off. All those Heather Mills and Paris Hilton types out there can be left on the shelf. Therefore the subconscious war will actually stop.

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o Feminism was only brought around because men were treating us like crap. We couldn't vote, then we couldn't get jobs, then we were sexually harassed and discriminated in the workplace. Feminism is the belief that women are EQUAL to men. I'm a feminist, and I know that we're equal/. I don't know where you're getting YOUR facts, but you're talking about the radical feminists.

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 All feminism is radical.... if we had a philosophy called "menism" that would radical.... there is no such thing as a little bit NAZI.... Feminism was brought about in order to tax the other half of the population. CIA funded Radicals such as Gloria Steinem and the only real reason feminism took off was because technology could enable women to do what men could only do before. As far as feminism went, it only enabled women to live off the hard work of men and whine all the time.

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o No it isn't. Look at this quote from Betty Friedan:

“A girl should not expect special privileges because of her sex but neither should she adjust to prejudice and discrimination.”

She is the MOTHER OF FEMINISM saying that we shouldn't act like we're better than men, and we shouldn't be treated lower than men. Learn your facts, dipwad, I did an A+ report on Feminism.

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 Stop strawmanning all my arguments and avoiding to argue that the most prominent bra burning men hating feminists is all that mattered. I'm not talking about the bleeding heart throbs at the margins of society. I'm talking about the systemic erosion of mens dignity and rights by distorting history and telling lying statistics. Feminist only have a women's perspective... where as in reality blacks, Jews, Latino, Chinese, white Caucasians were oppressed. Eg: not given the vote.

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o Dude. We were talking about dating abuse and you started blasting all females based on radical feminists.

U mad? *troll face*

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 Which brings back to the beginning, nearly all of the abuse is cause by a subconcious ideology to control men. Men used to protect and respect women, because men had high regard for women... that... is the reality, not the feminist one. But these days men have poor respect for women because women's demands are high, they feel entitled and they are driven by a sense superiority. They deny men's contributions and they live in a world that men built. watch?v=RstTouZ5H4E

[DarthJackson2]

@o0POSH0o High regard? Exactly how is there any high regard for women? Maybe in AFRICA before we settled it, but in Western culture women were treated like crap. Men didn't have to wear whale-bone corsets that mushed their guts in and messed up their bodies. Men didn't get shunned from all society if they were abused. Men weren't supposed to be quiet and prim and proper. Men were allowed to own land and vote and work long before women were. There is NO WAY women were held in high regard.

[o0POSH0o]

@DarthJackson2 The world back then was made of simple axioms, "work or die" the more productive the more useful. Women could and did not compete with that because it was hard manual labour. The world was very different and everyone was oppressed. And women did not HAVE to wear anything just like didn't have to today. They just do things to make the,selves pretty. Its all about trying to stay young. Ever since the world got better technology... ALL PEOPLE... were free including black people.

[o0POSH0o]

violence is a complex system. I think the best way for men to stop being violent is to stay away from women altogether. I think men care to much and are entangled in the affairs of living together and being in a relationship. So men should stop being so needy to begin with. Then men should have a private life in which non of his life depends on women or is even affected by women in order for him to feel more in control of his own affairs.

[amberl0995]

yeap and im pressing charges

[makethatall]

Wonderful short Movie

[amberl0995]

Why would somebody do this i'm going through a relationship now were the boy bits me hit me n chokes me n its hard to leave him n i still with him but we were only together for a month now 

[kiera791]

@amberl0995 it will get worse honey leave him!

[ocsurf12]

this is a fantastic video. I plan to show portions of it as a part of my project about teen dating abuse. Also for anyone who is interested in raising awareness about teen dating abuse go to facebook and like my page called End Teen Dating Abuse.

[toda9008]

8 ppl must be in denial and are the ones who do the abusing for disliking this video.

[Gendo3s2k]

lolol The ballooning of the DV definition is ridiculous. just making demands is hardly "Violence" or "Abuse" if you don't want to do it, then leave! YOU are responsible for YOURSELF and if you don't like the way someone is talking to you or asking of you then LEAVE

[XDestinyHeartsX]

Wow this was a big wake up call, just a little over a month ago I got out of a relationship like this cause a guy who really cared about me noticed these signs and told me to leave when I couldn't see it for myself until now

[MsSarah729]

STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. Why do women stay in an abusive relationship and call it love? I want my own experience to help even ONE other person to gain support to break the cycle of abuse and end the nightmare. Please be that person. Go to Amazon.com for my book HONEYMOON AND HELL: A Memoir of Abuse ($2.99)

[angelgirl7473]

does being told.. "Your not leaving, i wont let you" fit in here somewhere?

[abbeecadabby]

@angelgirl7473 definitely.

[jlj426]

I was in a relation ship for over a year and a half with a girl who didnt let me go to dances, delted all the girls out of my phone and didnt let me talk to girls, didnt let me see my friends, made me put her over my mother, hit me, talked down to me and wished me dead, she made fun of me for being molested and stuff. She made me sleep over her house and only demanded affection or sex when she wanted.. She blackmailed me it was awful and I had to try so many times to break up with her

[CallieUnderwood]

I seen this video on a site, can anyone send me that link to it?

[CallieUnderwood]

my class watched this today.

just to tell you all know.

[myADDkid]

@packoftwenty would you break up with someone if they threatened to beat you up or kill you? It's not like they want to be with them. You're sexist and you're probably an abuser yourself. btw a lot of girls ask guys out. The fact that you think all women are scared little assholes says a whole lot about the way you treat them. Just cuz you're stronger than a woman or supposedly smarter than a woman, or in control of a woman, doesn't mean you're manly. It just means you're a fag.

[MiaMonique]

Excellent film! Should be palyed in every school system.

[wdtony]

When you get a little older you realize you just have to break up with people that aren't your cup of tea. Walk away... Problem solved.

You stay in an abusive relationship, you should shoulder some of the responsibility for staying.

It doesn't matter if you are male or female, abuse is wrong and instigating abuse is wrong. If you stay in something that isn't working, it's also your fault for staying.

[kiera791]

@wdtony I disagree no fault should ever be put on the victim. If you are a victim of this kind of abuse you know that it is very hard to leave an get out of for many different reason such as, hopelessness, a child with that person or maybe fear of what they will do to you if you leave. Abuser are very controlling and you have to be careful when ending a relationship cuz it wont be easy. so yes it is easy to say to a person why not just leave but in reality for any victim its not so simple.

[vegetarianmonster2]

I was 14 at the time, I dated a guy for one week before he dumped me for someone else.

He constantly teased me and put me down, ..then one night he wouldnt let me go and i had to kiss him, twice, it still disgusts me and he hasn't threatened me in 2 months now.

After everything, he'd apologize, then go back to saying i didnt deserve to live..etc. One time he said "I wish you weren't a girl so I could beat you" but i know he would of beat me either way. I used to live in fear but not anymore

[packoftwenty]

Why don't women/girls just stop dating violent scumbags? It's hardly rocket science.

Most women LIKE scummy men, it's pathetic.

You CHOOSE to spend time with scum like this, and then moan about it. This is your choice, you chose to stay with these idiots, stop complaining. Nobody is forcing you to allow scumbags into your life.

Perhaps if women had the guts to actually approach men and ask them out (big laugh, it will never happen) you wouldn't be so 'attracted' to violent, pushy men...

[addvoc8]

Women are shown to be the sole perps of dating violence 2X more than men...

Why silence?

What about MORE prevalent domestic violence against men, BY women?

Leading predictor/determiner of DV injuries to women: women who attack first or repeatedly.

More mothers abuse and murder their children than fathers do @ 2:1 ratio

The CDC BIG study showed women being the sole partener abuser at over that rate - 71%

Search: Dr. Martin Fiebert domestic violence

KNOW THE TRUTH ON DV !

[Seansgurl4life]

WE had to watch this video in our health class. and I myself at the age of 14 was in this situation. and i can relate to almost all of these kids, it is hard and im still trying to handle myself after almost 6 months. and it still has effects on me. and it hurts

[yetistillrise]

Whatever their environment was they have become and are now acting it out and taking it out on the wrong person.

[jaynaw4rv]

I know it's tough....but just stay far away from them! Meaning the abusive bf/gf. They aren't worth it. The first blip of abuse?....the first step far away from them.

[JenniMystic]

Same rules of respect apply to girls, just because you are dating him doesn't mean he's 'yours' and 'yours only.'

[PantherBabe90]

Have that Mantality, Who the are you to control me!?! HAhahaha You ant God!!!! It will hurt to leave them but Nothing last forever even if its the abuse!!!!

[kfb0526]

I believe those involved in violent relationships should seek professional help.

[zohedasmoeilijk]

Better improve the quality of life then to expand misery. everyone is going to die anyhow the question is when. Don´t let fear lead your life if you dont want it to you control your actions! Make up your mind indepenently

[JustMasa]

Great Job!

[jebswallower]

i felt miserable for two days because i threw a remote control against the wall while having an argument with my girlfriend... and she started trembling

[Johnsonfam22]

nobody would know what they would do inless they were in that situation. its not that easy to just up and leave and its hard because this is someone you love.

so you are torn. even if yoi leave i promise you would go back. probably not for long. but you will go back.

[shuger2sweet]

whats the name of that song at the end... i love it,, it's so nice :)

[Aurongel]

I had to watch this in my Gym class today :|

[goseberries]

i was in a dating abuse 8 years ago.i was 22 years old when my ex started bullying and abusing me.he even locks me out of his house or tells me not to go to his lace unless he calls me.i couldn't stand this anymore and i had to break up with him

[thejodesta]

I was in an abusive relationship.. twice. The first time i was engaged to the guy, I almost married him but then i got accepted into uni and he said it was either him or uni (and ultimately my family) at that point i left him. the second time, the second he threw punches and stuff. I even knocked him out once in a fight after he tried to strangle me. I left soon after knowing that I couldnt go through it again

[chinolin3139]

I applaud you for taking the right direction. No one deserves that. My mother dealt with more than 20 yrs of abuse from my dad's hands. Left him when I was 12. then 1 yr passed and they got back together and then that's when my mom got pregnant with my younger brother. The cycle started again & when I was 15 my dad hit her in front of me. I took one of his shoes and hit him. He hit me so bad with a belt & caused for me to have bruises and welts all over my back. My mom left him when I was 17

[rochelle812]

if i had a boyfriend who abused me i would leave him and find a another guy who will love me and care for me

[XxDarkxShadowxWolfxX]

that's easy for you to say when you're not in an abusive relationship. :/ you don't realize it's happening really.. i had to get my friends to point it out before i realized it and then i stayed together with the guy for another 3 months later, till i REALLY realized it happened and tried to break up. :/

[YuNiiN188]

i was a abusive boyfrined myself even got sentenced for 3 year wit parole

got out in 6 months caus eof good behavior 3 years probation and was ogin to a program...all this and im just 19 years old right now...any girl who need advicce in a guys point of u and wat is going on in there head feel free to reply to me in amessage take care and let that last hit be the last

[alyssaml21]

good for you.. i hope you'll change all the way...

ive never dated anyone my whole life...

we're studying about dating abuse in health...

im really glad that at least people like you change...

[windexyes]

so im with an abusive boyfriend for about a year & a half now.

he doesn't let me do anything, im miserable.

i can't wear make up, certian clothing and friends.

i can't even do my hair! more...

im miserble and i cannot get out of it :(

i need help, this video doesn't help me either.

im confused

[RAySun21]

I don't know what your situation is exactly, but if you are able to get out of the relationship, please do it. You say you can't get out, but is there anyone you can trust who will help? You have already realized that you are in an abusive relationship, which is a big step because many people do not even want to admit that.

[AwesomeNiks]

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

That number should help. Please call!

[YuNiiN188]

ayo im a guy and i learned form my mistake i went to jail for a year caus ei was abusive...i learned and trust me leave when u can if u feel he ll do something idk i need more info of ur situation ill help out form a guys pooint of view who was them guys u talk about

[FrazzzleDazzle]

For 4 months, I stayed with an abusive guy. He hit me, threw things at me, and controlled me. He told me he was jealous when I hung out with my best friend, and I couldnt hang out with her. I didnt listen though. One day he got so fed up with me being an INDIVIUAL, he completely flipped out. Beat me up for the last time. I called the cops, filed a report, and am seeing him in court on July 27th. I saw the devil in his eyes that day... and something in me told me to get out. I'm glad I did.

[whimsicalphrase]

Good THINKING...BUT still Stay Safe. Know that a Date in court is still a Date with you to him. Also the Book "The Gift of Fear" recommended by Oprah, has Early Warning Signs of violence. It's VERY common and ALL types of women fall into this. Follow your intuition, ALWAYS. As my sister says,

"our guts have SuperBrains."

[sporksandknives44]

i hope things work out for you. Best of luck

-Yefr

[YuNiiN188]

u did a good thing because i was a abusive boyfriend and went ot jail for a year....i learned for my misatkes god bless u...

[kristeenkristeen]

wow...rly amazing =]

[sutphen3]

Nicely done

[Siin7]

why would anybody date during highschool or in such young age in the first place??? It ain't gonna get anywhere anyway...

[tailgunner2]

I didn't date during high school or even college, it left me feeling alone, miserable, and regretful.

[se7enb2]

why would you live knowing taht u are going to die? People still love and go out knowing that the realtionships will end soon.

[Krissy733]

Because some people dont give a damn

They just wanna fall in love

They want to know what it feels like to feel something for someone

But when it comes down to this stuff

They already love them too much to get out

Ive been in the situation, (happened in grade 11), im now in grade 12, and i havnt dated anyone since then. and i dont really want to for a while.

[DaTruth2024]

Many people that met/dated in High School and even sometimes Junior High and even Elelementary get married and stay married for atleast a decadee or two. It happens more than you think.

[azsizzle]

Dont say it will never happen to you because it might happen.I had a 17 year old daughter that got murdered by her ex boyfriend.please remember there is hotlines you can call for help!! NOW

[19sandiilevario76]

@azsizzle I KNOW UR PAIN BECAUSE MY 18YR OLD DAUGHTER AND HER UNBORN BABY WHERE KILLED BY HER BOYFRND ON 12-17-09 AND I HOPE AND PRAY THAT ANY1 IN A VIOLENT RELATION SHIP GET OUT OR GETS HELP PLEASE BECAUSE NO MOTHER SHOULD HAVE TO BURY THEIR CHILD...

[racergal1984]

my god... y did u let it escalate to something so serius ? did u guys see the signs

[darkness275]

thank u for posting this it will help me in the future

[l0serx0x]

i know exactly how these teens feel .. iw as in a relationship where the guy tried to kill me 4 or 5 times .. i finally left and pressed charges .. but its still with me and ive been outta the relationship for about 2 years ..my boyfriend now is amazing and is so open to talk about it .. teens really need to open their eyes .. noone deserves this kind of abuse or pain ..

[SGeekDude]

We are doing a huge segment at school "No Dating Violence" we watched this video. It is sad too see how people treat others

[chely003]

i'm writing an essay on teen relationships and this info is a great help

[SteffersG]

This is greatly filmed. Relationship abuse is a big thing and something which needs to be made an issue of more.

[emmceePRODUCTIONS]

Nice doc! Please check out my documentary on homeless youth in Phoenix AZ "The Forgotten Population"

[Monkeychicks78]

okay this is really great information!!!

excespially to all you guys you need to Respect all of us girls and we will respect you the same way you respect us.

It's not really a relationship when you boss and threaten girls or boys

[brianandrewwong1989]

Everyone needs to see this video. Let's stop dating violence.

[wokelstein]

this is good to point out:)

[sweetXblood]

thank you so much for posting.

[starbabe58]

neat

[msbonilla11]

It's really helpful!

[AnasMarionette]

Informational videos like this should be more readily available, to help people realize when they are in a bad relationship, and how to deal with it, it would save a lot of people a lot of trouble...I think its great in some ways its also aimed to help abusers

[RvBVeelaGirl]

I think that a video on abuse, all kinds of abuse, should be a topic covered in school so that anyone can recognize the warning signs.

If it had been at my high school it would have saved me 3 years of my life.

Kudos for posting this

[kbrummell]

Check out my video Hot Off The Press presents "Beaten & Bruised on youtube video. I will do a part two by next week with the same survivor. Congress really needs to toughen domestic violence laws. It's destroying families & often leading to homicide. Look at the recent national stories in Ohio & so forth. Homeland Security & Iraq isn't only issues plaguing America.

"HOT OFF THE PRESS" seen via youtube videos