Relationship Advice : How to Stop Being Clingy

[laaspen]

my ex boyfriend told me I was clingy just because I liked to hold his hand in public and show affection. I think he hand the wrong sense of what clingy was. Should I call him clingy when he wants sex?

[TheErvinjackson]

Relationships are challenged by circumstances and social influences. They fail if they are not managed with care and consideration of the other person's feelings. The mismanagement of these relationships ultimately bring grief and pain to all the people involved. Seek to manage your relationships with care and consideration of the other person's needs. Recognize that sometimes you cannot repair the errors of your past; however today is the first day of the rest of your life.~Ervin Jackson, PhD

[scsqueezy234]

just wondering is being clingy at times okay?

[lawshorizon]

The Doc is talking about different types of clingyness. Some varieties are fine - others are too much!

[lawshorizon]

Being clingy is tollerable with someone you love. But, if you ask your belov'ed to cool it with the cling - then do they really love you back if they don't or do they just selfishly want the attention? I wonder what happens when both people are clingy? - disaster!

[AmandaS1974]

Girls - stop being so clingy! :)

[King31395]

Worthless.

Are you KIDDING ME???? "Be clingy with a person who wants to have someone like that"???

Tell me...how is it that you should go about finding a particular someone that wants a clingy relationship?

This is ridiculous...

There is NEVER any point that you should be clingy with ANYONE. You will be dumped! Guys or girls.

And people can absolutely change their behavior. If you're doing something wrong, stop doing it.

This is some of the most irresponsible dating advice I've ever heard...

[hannah2999]

Thanks. Im clingy ad my bf is not ad iv been trying to stop but i just cant help it ad i really love him so iv been trying to stop for awhile but this really opened my eyes

[TheOneAndOnlyMichel]

@hannah2999 everybody needs "me-space", that is healthy. Being emotionally dependent means a deep attachment, which will eventually bring suffering. In my experience people do change. And, in my experience, some people like "clinginess" while with others it creates resentment towards the partner because they feel angry about the always-having-to-be-there and no longer having time to be with one's own thoughts, to reflect. Clinginess, to me, is not healthy. Your opinion is yours, that is ok too.

[King31395]

@hannah2999

Please do not try and be clingy with anyone...this "you can't change who you are" nonsense is ridiculous. You clearly see that being clingy is "turning off" the guy you love? You're going to have the exact same problem with anyone else you date.

Being clingy comes from "fear of loss".

Now that you know that you're like this, loosen your grip on him.

The tighter you lay your grip on anyone, the more they'll try to escape it.

[Thescreensaverr]

Hey Dr. Paul Hugh Hefner called he wants his robe back, oh yea and my 4 yr old sister called she wants her apple juice back

[SuperDrumsforever]

He is relaxed and does not have a bunch of games. He also seems to speak from wisdom rather than giving out manipulation strategies like some of the young guys who lack life experience.

[King31395]

@SuperDrumsforever

The young guys actually teach how "not" to manipulate...just because this guy's older doesn't mean he knows what he's talking about. He's probably been with one woman most of his life.

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[relationshipebooks]

Thanks for sharing! -Relationship Ebooks

[tvandale21]

Sad, in a sense, but true. 

[oXxSuperNovaxXo]

people are saying that this advice is bad...what you dont understand is you only want to hear you can do it but in real life thats not how things work...a tiger doesnt change its stripes just cuz he wants to!...ok people get deppressed when they cant be who they are..theres a night for every day why take someones night away?

[Necroman666]

genious. now i had just found out that i can be clingy only to those who like it

[shaunny1992]

i wonder how many chicks this player has banged on that couch

[User5973]

He actually gives good advice but the tital of this video should be ..."modified."

[StrangerNReality]

This guy definitely knows what he's talking about.

How to stop being clingy? Why should you stop being clingy? It's who you are.

Even if it was possible to stop, you'd be unhappy and your relationship would ultimately be fake. A mockery to your integrity and an insult to the other person involved.

In other words, find someone who can accept your flaws and return the favor when you do.

[DreamsMelody]

This is bad advice. Building your whole life around another person is unhealthy not only for you as a person, but to your partner as well. If you want to stop being "clingy" then you need to form a strong, independent self. It's fine to depend on people but you need to be able to live your life if someting was to happen that caused that relationship to end.

P.S. did anyone else laugh when they saw the stereotypical outfit, wine, and background?

[transilvanianson]

is it just me or does he sound kind of robotic..like hes reading a script begind the camera thats going very slowly...

[DimaRakesah]

This is horrible advice. If someone is clingy because they have issues with insecurity this will only enable them. I am amazed at how bad this advice is.

[smdarkknight]

He didn't actually explain how to stop being clingy, he just said find someone else. That doesn't help.You can change some people.

[whatinthewerld]

cheers to you for being one of the first "advice-givers" on here that speak as if there is another person involved and that everyone is different.

[RescueRelationship01]

I personally like your video. Very informative and direct to the point! thanks for sharing your thoughts to us..

[LoveGTV]

I agree with you totally

[Jayla101006]

rity. When a woman or man doesnt want thier spouse to go out w/o them at all, it interferes with your relationship. I dont care what your attachment style, you have to have an identity outside of your relationship. I believe people can and will change depending on how they see it. If they don't like the behavior and seek to consciously modify or control the behavior then with dedication and perseverance they have the ability to change. If we could not change, people wouldnt be able to lose weigh

[Jayla101006]

Unfortunately people rarely find people that are 100% compatible with. If they like "clingy" partners then likely there is some other incompatibility (i.e. narcissistic types).There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend alot of time with your partner. This is not clingy in my opinion, its a sign that you actually LIKE the person but not having a social life outside of your partner is unhealthy and definitely a problem. when your world is centered around your spouse it is more an issue of insecu

[isr6059]

You rock! Dr. P!

[mommyimhungry]

i love that he's got a drink in his hand during this.

[3mmerz]

I think he really knows his stuff :)

[MrXSpeaks]

this has been proven with research, he is totally right. people have different attachment styles and some are not compatible at all. I still think you must consider why you act the way that you do. Really obsessive clinginess is caused by deep insecurities. Women can get away with that, but for men it is a problem because insecurity kills attraction.

[TvoyPoopsik]

People DO change if they want to!

[Bibazavr]

@TvoyPoopsik Dr Pault sais you fail, so you fail.

[0MissElizabeth0]

heh , I feel like I'm tuning into an episode of Masterpiece Theater . .

[feettherapy]

is your wife still tied up in the bedroom i tried wiping the poo off her but i know you like a bit of scat now and then

[crazylacey1616]

HEY ARE YOU THE PLAYBOY BUNNY GUY OR WHAT

[redredcrayon]

BAHAJHAHAHAHHAA

[eelakh]

Youtube can convert your speaking 100% correctly to text. Perfect pronunciation!

[ragefan420]

Is this guy really weird or reading from a teleprompter?

[angemala]

I was told by a friend that I was clingy and that the guy I was dating didn't want that. He was a busy guy, always working. Saw him maybe once a fortnight. Now I'm a bit scared of being clingy with a new guy, so I'm just taking things slow, being a friend and a lover; have realised that I still have some residual pain, but I can talk it out.

[XxBertFacexX]

"Clingy" is just when somebody actually appreciates the blessing of having someone that they can always go to for a long comforting hug or a kiss that makes the day better and wanting to give just as much of that to their partner. People need to start appreciating affection more. It's far from unimportant to relationships and marriages.

[Miffani]

@XxBertFacexX I agree :( My girlfriend called me too clingy; I just love her so much :(

[lilsweeti13]

I like clingy IF that person is attractive to me. If not, then it's a little upsetting.

So it's nothing personal.

[Richard19706]

lmao i love watching this, this is common sense.... for the people that dont have it.. hope u learn.. lol

[mralanv]

May your fantasies of today be your reality of tomorrow .... i like that .. THUMBS UP DOC.

[IMMUNEHUMAN]

@mralanv If it applied to everyone we would be in serious trouble.

[mcduffels]

that's right -" this is dr. paul saying you cant change"

[Zeldarules4ever]

the clingingness- levels are different for different people as is the toleranse for clingingness are different, but the problem is that you don't know how people is going to react there for the saying less is more are better in my opinion.

[THEPROJECTRANT]

Okay one stop taking advice from videos because EVERYBODY has there own opinions and relationship advice some like being clingy some don't and that my Fellows Is A FACT because if we all thought everything the SAME we would be robots there now everybody who disagrees LMAO your just stupid

[NeverMind88888]

The reason why so many people object to his idea of "If the person you're with thinks you're too clingy, then maybe it's not the right person for you" is because he only had a few minutes of recording time. This guy always has good, simple, straight-to-the-point advice, so I'm guessing he has a pretty open mind/perspective, but felt the need to defend his opinion due to the fact that many people would disagree with this video, it being too short to fully express himself.

[visionimagify]

disagree Paul. Clingyness is good when you're married, but if you're not married and she/he is always calling, wants to be around you ALL THE TIME. There's a problem there. Clinginess shows insecurity and neediness to the opposite sex.

[hydrolito]

clingyness overdone is not good in a relationship most people like to have time to themselves. Who wants to always have someone watching your every move? Not a good way to have a relationship. People sometimes need their space. Guy doesn't always have to take wife to visit his friends or woman always take husband to visit her friends, etc. or even to just be alone and not be bothered sometimes is necessary.

[916WHITEBOY1987]

u didnt acually drink that drink!

[danielleann1114]

if he or she really loves u and ur clingy theyd respect u for who u r not for some1 ur not

[gammypage]

Nope, it's phsiologically unattractive, as in, both women and men are wired to find it unnattractive.

[1wayward9]

@AthenaRage i beg to differ

[weeza19]

ur right, it's true

[GaaraxRose91]

Umm not helping really. Most people need some well time to their selves!! Cause too much can get on their nerves.

[KillswitchEngage090]

this didnt help, im not with the wrong person, i know that

[akathetruthteller]

you know what, i think this guy makes sense, if you need someone to share deep emotion with and not just hanging out every now and then, find the right one with you. there is a lot of girls out there. let girls come to you not you cling to some loser bitch

[chrisredfield3636]

well this told me a bit about being clingly but this dosnt help me and my GF out cause i am not leaveing her so... thanks

[Irish111o]

hes an arse hole dis video didnt help one bit

[Zerox3001]

yo buddy.. thats not teaching us how to not be clingy... ur just telling us to find someone els and leave your clinginess alone

[JBthree24]

I was single for 6 years and during those years I often casually dated, flings and hook ups till i met a girl that i could finally picture myself with. we've been dating and its GFREAT but...I find myself to be a bit clingy to her as well (e.g asking and acknowledging for reassurence etc) i was always against that idea and relationships but now that im in one and VERY happy i also find myself a little insecure without her on days we dont hang out. I need advice

[Zerox3001]

dude i have the same problem

[patfellover]

I am like this, and its quite normal. If you feel for a women so much that reassurance keeps you comfortable then so be it. I don't know if you fancy taking my advice, I am only 16 years old I have been dating my girlfriend for half a year now. Just remember that she is with you for a reason/reasons. I see my girlfriend only on weekends because we aren't at the same schools, its tough. Just communicate, text, call etc. When you hang out, prove that you are the right guy. I'm sure that you are.

[shockandhorror]

8 months in, 17 years old...

Means a lot. :)

[thatkrazyguyukno]

Dude looks like a pimp with those robes and rings.

[jolly113]

"you know what? that doesn't bother a me a bit." heehhe, what a badass

[Konstantine2626]

LMAO

[shimenga1]

amen to that sir.

[deadat50]

lol

[MarcusKiner]

This guy lol, ladies man here. He's like that old guy who doesn't need to do anything to be cool, it just associates with him haha.

[stiggovicho]

i dont even know what clingy is in my language (danish) xD

[tariaso5]

This video may well sound controversial, but far from trying to be pure and/or absolute, it's practical and suggestive. I like this guy.

[notcoolagain]

awesome. i completely agree.

on a somewhat related note, i often notice relativity comes into play when someone calls someone "clingy." e.g. a woman who calls one man's behavior clingy would not call the same behavior clingy if it came from, say, brad pitt.

[jaeT2]

@notcoolagain lol, good answer but, u know i had a very attractive guy act really clingy and it drove me nuts!! he wanted me to call at all hours of the day and just totally gave up on his own interests and life and any chance he had to be with me he was and i felt sooo smothered!!! i wanted him to be his own person and to have likes and passions, not just focus on me, it took something away from the relationship when he became like that. not cool. :(

[alpenjon]

I strongly disagree with people not being able to change anything other than their behavior... I believe that's a very limited behavioral type of perspective.

[Chokula99]

the best Advice yet.

[floresi1179]

I agree, I wear a fancy robe on a fancy couch, surrounded by candles, talking like a robot as I read cue cards all while holding a glass of wine.

[Chokula99]

ur clingy,,,,,lol!!!

[bigupid]

I like this dude, he keeps it real