It would seem more logical to see if you can get everyone to work together rather than asking someone to leave. I commend you for changing therapists.
Sophie ~ what I am learning is to take care of myself, how to love myself, be MY best friend. How do I do that? Inner messages to me. I am my best advocate or my worst enemy. I am really okay. I just need to remember that. I grew up in a Christian church, but found too much hypocrisy in the organization. I remain a "believer" but only within my own heart. I know that God loves us even when it doesn't feel like it. I have been helped so many times I know this is so. Whatever it takes to protect.
I was a "Sophie". I'm now 62. I've had a life of sorrow. I should have left way early on, but felt I HAD to protect - just not protect myself. I helped the torture go on and on and on, but couldn't leave. What is "love"?
I think all your parts are helpful and serve a purpose and have different talents and ways of expressing things. I think perhaps they should just all learn to work together and that is just my opinion. I have parts and believe me they wouldn't be happy if one of them was asked to leave and may make the chaos even worse and more destructive. I hope everything works out for you.
if you chose... how did you? i am in a similar situation but or core, dionne, is only 15 years of age. they want x or pleaser to leave but we cant just ask some one to go. it should betheir choise to go dormant, right? can you help us?
@thepeoplearecrazy101, no we didn't chose who should leave. In our case we decided to change therapists. Without knowing all of the issues involved I wouldn't want to offer any advice beyond getting all the information you need to make a decision that is right for you and your system. You can always ask for a second opinion or ask why they are suggesting that this happen. If this is not something you are all comfortable with, I don't know how it could happen. It has to be something you want.
Looks like you got some good comments on this one. It isn't the therapists decision to demand someone to go. If integration happens, it happens naturally when parts are ready to go. Sounds like the therapist wasn't honoring all your parts and that is an indication that maybe it wasn't the right therapist. Glad to see you came to that conclusion for yourself. There is no right or wrong way to heal- it is what it is. Honor all your parts and go at your own pace that is right 4 U.~ Bear Hugs!
I don't think I agree with getting rid of one. When things got crowded for us, we built a bigger house. We got more organized. And through that, we slowly started to integrate. But the house is still standing they way we built it.
I do understand however this is a delicate decision and should never be taken lightly. I know I couldn't pick one to go.
thats good - now lets hope the provider knows a good therapist! I can understand why you might not have "liked" the book - the therapist was a trained psychoanalyst who blended traditional psychoanalysis with a bit of directive talking therapy but most therapist today are not psychoanalysts - they can be very expensive and their techniques are rather "old fashioned" - which doesn't mean it doesn't work - i think one factor in its favor is the amount of time it takes.
have you ever read Switching Time by Dr. Richard Baer? Excellent book about the integration of a woman with seventeen alters. I believe the whole therapeutic process took nearly sixteen years.
Sometimes I almost think its the luck of the draw - finding a therapist who can help. A little over 3 decades ago I was lucky finding one. The therapist must be able to spend an inordinate amount of time with a DID
client. Haven't seen him in years, but we keep in touch here and there via email.
We've read Switching Time and we didn't really "like" it. I'm not sure why, maybe it was too close or too far away from us. But yes, the therapist was trying to do in weeks what takes most therapists years to do.
I'm glad you were able to find the help you needed to heal. The therapist is going to write recommendations to the insurance provider that we need long term therapy with a trauma or dissociative specialist. She was really nice about it all really.
I have read that book, and my gosh this is the best book i ever read about DID. I recommend this book. But the book is very graphic. But it is excellent book to read.
OMG Castorgirl?????????? Wattup w/this T? This freaked me. This is wrong wrong wrong. ALL parts are needed and obvo you know this. Ya, it is night and day to have an actual DID therapist. I found mine thru ISSTD. If you can't find a local DID T, then maybe you can find a good trauma T and she/he can do phone consults w/a good DD T. You ever hear of TWHJ, you can get some input from the boards there. BTW, I enjoyed your vids, you are talented. Thanks for posting them here.
We had our last session with this therapist earlier in the week. She is a highly recommended therapist, but was trying to rush change due to the funding contract she was on. She also didn't really believe in DID or what it meant for us.
We live in a small city in a small country, so finding a trauma specialist is hard enough - let alone a DD specialist...
We're now looking for someone who can help us.
Thank you, we're glad that you enjoy our clips :)
I am stunned and disgusted that this therapist would recommend such a thing. From my perspective, that's not only bad therapy, that's equivelant to murder.
Our response was "interesting" in that one of the male protectors talked to her for an entire session. Asking her how this could be done, why should it be done, how impossible and insulting it was to us etc.
We think this direction in therapy showed that either she doesn't believe in DID, or doesn't believe we experience DID.
We're now in the process of finding another therapist, which is quite difficult as we live in a fairly small city with very few therapists.
you dont need to change if you do it will be a huge mistake. when it was just Jack and I he took over and got help. and left for a long time. big mistake. depression suicide etc. i cant live with out my "others" their like my brothers learn to live in harmony. you seem to already do that quit well. this is just me though you may have different views on this so its your lives.
Thanks for letting us know what happened for you. It's happened like that for us too. We hide more and its like we disappear, but the ones left don't know how to do it all. We don't want anyone gone, but we want to be able to work together better.
We have our moments of it all going sweet, and some of it going downhill real fast!
My therapist wants me to let the little girl go. How can I let the most innocent, purist, and unmarked part of me go? I would much rather the angry one goes. She has all the pain and anger; she is pure evil.
Could you ask your therapist why they want you to let go of the little girl?
Can you tell the therapist why you're worried and concerned about the concept?
I know (from experience) that it's hard to ask these questions, but it can be amazing the response you get - at one point our therapist said she was glad some of us could get angry on our own behalf :)
We're really not sure what she thinks or expects. We tried to get some answers from her via email, but she's refusing to answer questions outside of sessions.
Really hoping that we didn't have to try and find another therapist at this time of year.
Asking a part to "leave"...that's really strange. As I understand it, the only way to recover from the trauma is to have input and internal cooperation/negotiation among all parts of the system. All parts are important. All memories are important. You can't put the puzzle together if you're missing pieces... From what you've said, this therapist sounds really unqualified to deal with DID. If you can, start looking for someone who accepts and supports you, not asks parts of you to go away.
We're not really sure to do. She came so highly recommended that this has really thrown us. We're still not sure what her motivations are. She acknowledged 3 ways of moving forwards, but heavily favoured evicting a part. Because it's been such a rough month we're scared of making decisions as we're worried they will be the wrong ones.
Ya know, we have big trouble expressing ourselves in therapy. Perhaps you could journal or write a letter to your therapist explaining your confusion/questions/thoughts/concerns on the subject.
I have a feeling that it's coming from her either not believing in DID, or not believing that we're DID. Unfortunately a part did a knee jerk reaction to the whole thing, so its all becoming very messy and complicated.
We've got an appointment with her on Friday so will see how we go.
We saw her last Monday and got clarification about "leaving" - she meant eviction. Yes she used that word. She did say we could have a going away party, but it was an eviction. We're still stunned.
We're going to write down our roles and see what she says then. We see her again on Friday, but there's a major anniversary on Tuesday so we're going to see how we go this week. She arranged respite for us but we couldn't handle it, so she's going to be unimpressed with us anyway.
I don't know sweetie.. a friend of mine tonight told me i should ask them to leave but easier said than done!! i havent had any therapy for my did so i dont know what to suggest.. do u know your therapist well?
We've only been seeing this therapist for about three months (with one month of that being the one we just had). So we're all just starting to get to know each other. Thankfully she allows us to text her, so we've got to the point where we're going to see her tomorrow to sort it all out - what she meant, how we can try and ask questions safely etc.
As a system we are not that good at communication (internally or externally). So when she mentioned the word "leave" we were unable to ask her what she meant by that. She also didn't realise that she was talking to a 9 yr old part. So the chances for misunderstandings were high.
We're comfortable with looking at our different roles and their place in this life. It will help her learn about us, and us about ourselves.
Thank you for the messages that we've been left. Unfortunately our therapist did mean "leave" and not an "integration". We got clarification from her this morning.
She now wants us to think about who's role is redundant.
We haven't been seeing her all that long, so she doesn't yet know the potential implications of what she says and how she says it.
Integration is what shes talking about surely? You know you need to do this. Its the only way that you will ever find true happiness and learn to live. It will be painful but you need to start somewhere. DOnt put it off, go for it.
Maybe the crowded parts should all stay and you should leave.
smokeldogg 6 months ago
@smokeldogg no one left. Well, I left that clinical psychologist, as I didn't agree with their methods or techniques.
Take care,
CG
castorgirl 6 months ago
It would seem more logical to see if you can get everyone to work together rather than asking someone to leave. I commend you for changing therapists.
kashmirpage 1 year ago
Sophie ~ what I am learning is to take care of myself, how to love myself, be MY best friend. How do I do that? Inner messages to me. I am my best advocate or my worst enemy. I am really okay. I just need to remember that. I grew up in a Christian church, but found too much hypocrisy in the organization. I remain a "believer" but only within my own heart. I know that God loves us even when it doesn't feel like it. I have been helped so many times I know this is so. Whatever it takes to protect.
wingsong1 1 year ago
I was a "Sophie". I'm now 62. I've had a life of sorrow. I should have left way early on, but felt I HAD to protect - just not protect myself. I helped the torture go on and on and on, but couldn't leave. What is "love"?
wingsong1 1 year ago
@wingsong1 I'm sorry you've also struggled, and are struggling.
I wish I knew what love is.
Take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 1 year ago
I think all your parts are helpful and serve a purpose and have different talents and ways of expressing things. I think perhaps they should just all learn to work together and that is just my opinion. I have parts and believe me they wouldn't be happy if one of them was asked to leave and may make the chaos even worse and more destructive. I hope everything works out for you.
skittles835 1 year ago
if you chose... how did you? i am in a similar situation but or core, dionne, is only 15 years of age. they want x or pleaser to leave but we cant just ask some one to go. it should betheir choise to go dormant, right? can you help us?
thepeoplearecrazy101 2 years ago
@thepeoplearecrazy101, no we didn't chose who should leave. In our case we decided to change therapists. Without knowing all of the issues involved I wouldn't want to offer any advice beyond getting all the information you need to make a decision that is right for you and your system. You can always ask for a second opinion or ask why they are suggesting that this happen. If this is not something you are all comfortable with, I don't know how it could happen. It has to be something you want.
castorgirl 2 years ago
Looks like you got some good comments on this one. It isn't the therapists decision to demand someone to go. If integration happens, it happens naturally when parts are ready to go. Sounds like the therapist wasn't honoring all your parts and that is an indication that maybe it wasn't the right therapist. Glad to see you came to that conclusion for yourself. There is no right or wrong way to heal- it is what it is. Honor all your parts and go at your own pace that is right 4 U.~ Bear Hugs!
PolarB36 2 years ago
Thank you PolarB :)
We've just started sessions with a new therapist who has other DID clients. Here's hoping it's a better experience!
Take care
Sophie
castorgirl 2 years ago
Thank you again.
ihopeyouwilldance 3 years ago
I don't think I agree with getting rid of one. When things got crowded for us, we built a bigger house. We got more organized. And through that, we slowly started to integrate. But the house is still standing they way we built it.
I do understand however this is a delicate decision and should never be taken lightly. I know I couldn't pick one to go.
sidian3 3 years ago
No it didn't work out all that well :)
We're no longer seeing this therapist, and she's going to write to ACC to ensure we continue to get assistance.
Our internal house is actually big enough, it was just how she was perceiving it based on a comment we made that was mis-understood.
Thank you and take care :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
thats good - now lets hope the provider knows a good therapist! I can understand why you might not have "liked" the book - the therapist was a trained psychoanalyst who blended traditional psychoanalysis with a bit of directive talking therapy but most therapist today are not psychoanalysts - they can be very expensive and their techniques are rather "old fashioned" - which doesn't mean it doesn't work - i think one factor in its favor is the amount of time it takes.
anyway, good luck.
jeanne
timetravel21217 3 years ago
have you ever read Switching Time by Dr. Richard Baer? Excellent book about the integration of a woman with seventeen alters. I believe the whole therapeutic process took nearly sixteen years.
Sometimes I almost think its the luck of the draw - finding a therapist who can help. A little over 3 decades ago I was lucky finding one. The therapist must be able to spend an inordinate amount of time with a DID
client. Haven't seen him in years, but we keep in touch here and there via email.
timetravel21217 3 years ago
Hi timetravel,
We've read Switching Time and we didn't really "like" it. I'm not sure why, maybe it was too close or too far away from us. But yes, the therapist was trying to do in weeks what takes most therapists years to do.
I'm glad you were able to find the help you needed to heal. The therapist is going to write recommendations to the insurance provider that we need long term therapy with a trauma or dissociative specialist. She was really nice about it all really.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
I have read that book, and my gosh this is the best book i ever read about DID. I recommend this book. But the book is very graphic. But it is excellent book to read.
TashaRichardsonFan 2 years ago
toomuffled 3 years ago
Hi toomuffled,
We had our last session with this therapist earlier in the week. She is a highly recommended therapist, but was trying to rush change due to the funding contract she was on. She also didn't really believe in DID or what it meant for us.
We live in a small city in a small country, so finding a trauma specialist is hard enough - let alone a DD specialist...
We're now looking for someone who can help us.
Thank you, we're glad that you enjoy our clips :)
Take care...
castorgirl 3 years ago
How do you know if you have "boy" yous or not? I don't like boys, or men. They do bad things.
Elysium3006 3 years ago
Hi Elysium,
We have some boys and some of them are really nice and help us by protecting us from other people that might hurt us. So not all boys do bad things.
You might have boys, you might not. There's no rules or anything about what happens in your system. Each persons system is different.
Take care...
castorgirl 3 years ago
I am stunned and disgusted that this therapist would recommend such a thing. From my perspective, that's not only bad therapy, that's equivelant to murder.
How did you respond to your therapist?
Ian
theroyalus 3 years ago
Hi Ian,
Our response was "interesting" in that one of the male protectors talked to her for an entire session. Asking her how this could be done, why should it be done, how impossible and insulting it was to us etc.
We think this direction in therapy showed that either she doesn't believe in DID, or doesn't believe we experience DID.
We're now in the process of finding another therapist, which is quite difficult as we live in a fairly small city with very few therapists.
Take care
M.
castorgirl 3 years ago
I'm glad you stood up for yourselves. Remember, no therapy is better than bad therapy.
Good luck finding a new therapist. We also live in a small city, so we know how difficult it can be.
Ian
theroyalus 3 years ago
@theroyalus yea
narutosgirl565 1 year ago
you dont need to change if you do it will be a huge mistake. when it was just Jack and I he took over and got help. and left for a long time. big mistake. depression suicide etc. i cant live with out my "others" their like my brothers learn to live in harmony. you seem to already do that quit well. this is just me though you may have different views on this so its your lives.
uberman460 3 years ago
Hi,
Thanks for letting us know what happened for you. It's happened like that for us too. We hide more and its like we disappear, but the ones left don't know how to do it all. We don't want anyone gone, but we want to be able to work together better.
We have our moments of it all going sweet, and some of it going downhill real fast!
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
My therapist wants me to let the little girl go. How can I let the most innocent, purist, and unmarked part of me go? I would much rather the angry one goes. She has all the pain and anger; she is pure evil.
bigcatwins 3 years ago
Hi,
Sorry I wish we could help in some way...
Could you ask your therapist why they want you to let go of the little girl?
Can you tell the therapist why you're worried and concerned about the concept?
I know (from experience) that it's hard to ask these questions, but it can be amazing the response you get - at one point our therapist said she was glad some of us could get angry on our own behalf :)
So even questioning is therapeutic!
Take care and wishing you all the best...
castorgirl 3 years ago
maybe your therapist needs to see a therapist- or at least seek supervision!
Do they have any idea about the reality of DID or are they playing games with textbooks and making the rest up ?!
please take care in all of this and know that everyone here is here for you all
thoughts with you
becciliz 3 years ago
Hi,
We're really not sure what she thinks or expects. We tried to get some answers from her via email, but she's refusing to answer questions outside of sessions.
Really hoping that we didn't have to try and find another therapist at this time of year.
Take care... :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Ask that therapist to amputate her leg and see what she thinks of that!?!
iraqidolphin 3 years ago
Asking a part to "leave"...that's really strange. As I understand it, the only way to recover from the trauma is to have input and internal cooperation/negotiation among all parts of the system. All parts are important. All memories are important. You can't put the puzzle together if you're missing pieces... From what you've said, this therapist sounds really unqualified to deal with DID. If you can, start looking for someone who accepts and supports you, not asks parts of you to go away.
fiddler32 3 years ago
Hi and thanks for the advice.
We're not really sure to do. She came so highly recommended that this has really thrown us. We're still not sure what her motivations are. She acknowledged 3 ways of moving forwards, but heavily favoured evicting a part. Because it's been such a rough month we're scared of making decisions as we're worried they will be the wrong ones.
Thanks again...
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Ya know, we have big trouble expressing ourselves in therapy. Perhaps you could journal or write a letter to your therapist explaining your confusion/questions/thoughts/concerns on the subject.
Hope it works out.
Draug & Too
fiddler32 3 years ago
Hi Jen,
I have a feeling that it's coming from her either not believing in DID, or not believing that we're DID. Unfortunately a part did a knee jerk reaction to the whole thing, so its all becoming very messy and complicated.
We've got an appointment with her on Friday so will see how we go.
M
castorgirl 3 years ago
Hi Jen,
We saw her last Monday and got clarification about "leaving" - she meant eviction. Yes she used that word. She did say we could have a going away party, but it was an eviction. We're still stunned.
We're going to write down our roles and see what she says then. We see her again on Friday, but there's a major anniversary on Tuesday so we're going to see how we go this week. She arranged respite for us but we couldn't handle it, so she's going to be unimpressed with us anyway.
M.
castorgirl 3 years ago
I don't know sweetie.. a friend of mine tonight told me i should ask them to leave but easier said than done!! i havent had any therapy for my did so i dont know what to suggest.. do u know your therapist well?
hugs, blue and crew x
landofhealth 3 years ago
Hi,
We've only been seeing this therapist for about three months (with one month of that being the one we just had). So we're all just starting to get to know each other. Thankfully she allows us to text her, so we've got to the point where we're going to see her tomorrow to sort it all out - what she meant, how we can try and ask questions safely etc.
Just hearing you all respond helped :) Thank you!
(((warm safe hugs))) back
Sophie and the others
castorgirl 3 years ago
Thanks for this reasoned response Jen.
As a system we are not that good at communication (internally or externally). So when she mentioned the word "leave" we were unable to ask her what she meant by that. She also didn't realise that she was talking to a 9 yr old part. So the chances for misunderstandings were high.
We're comfortable with looking at our different roles and their place in this life. It will help her learn about us, and us about ourselves.
Thank you
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Hi everyone...
Thank you for the messages that we've been left. Unfortunately our therapist did mean "leave" and not an "integration". We got clarification from her this morning.
She now wants us to think about who's role is redundant.
We haven't been seeing her all that long, so she doesn't yet know the potential implications of what she says and how she says it.
We've calmed down a little bit with some help :)
Thank you to those that listened and cared...
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
YOu need to do this. Integration is what you need to aim for. You will lose nothing. In the end you will have all the good bits all of the time.
Take Care. :-)
cheekyleopard 3 years ago
Integration is what shes talking about surely? You know you need to do this. Its the only way that you will ever find true happiness and learn to live. It will be painful but you need to start somewhere. DOnt put it off, go for it.
Sorry if sounds pushy. :-)
cheekyleopard 3 years ago
Hi,
Integration wasn't mentioned. She was talking about a part leaving.
Thank you for your advice.
Take care :)
castorgirl 3 years ago