ED Update: Back from Treatment...Already...

[weaveamyweave08]

Ok...So, I'll keep this short as I will probably make a video in a couple of hours....

I'm screwed! I WANTED help. I WANTED treatment.

I AM FED UP! I CANNOT FIGHT ANYMORE ON MY OWN! I AM TOO DAMN TIRED!!!

TGH won't take me back until I do "trauma work". THAT wait is a good 4 mo away. Homewood=5mo wait IF I have Insurance for ED, 9mo Wait for Trauma and 1+ year for an OHIP Spot! WTF! I NEED IT NOW! I can't afford this & I DONT WANT TO WAIT! (YES...I wish I could just disappear....)

[sugarfreejello]

Amy - I am so sorry treatment did not work out for you. I was really hoping this would be a breakthrough treatment for you. Where were you? TGH? Credit Valley? NYGH? I got into Homewood a few years ago but did not go. It might be worth getting on their list. At least find out if you are eliglible to go. Thinking of you and sending *hugs*

[paledreams]

gosh girl, good luck. I am so sorry about everything!

and I've also heard great things about center for change. it's like, commonly known as the best treatment facility in the US. I mean obviously this is debatable but in general, yeah it has a great reputation.

HANG IN THERE! <3

[pocomotto]

Center for change is such a good program. I know many girls that went there and they are all well in recovery! I hope you can go there!

[weaveamyweave08]

Thanks. I figure that if I am meant to go there, the opportunity will come. I have done as much as I can from my end. Now I just wait.

[GrowingandHealing]

I am so sorry you are having such a horrible week! I can't even begin to understand why they released you. Obviously you went there to get help and that is so hard. I will be praying that you are able to find the support and help you need asap!

On another note... I saw that red bracelet on your arm. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't using it to show pride in "ana". Little things like that can hinder recovery so easily...

Good luck with everything!!

[weaveamyweave08]

Thanks and no. The bracelet is a bracelet that my hubby got me when we were living in Cozumel, MX. It's actually from Playa del Carmen. Before heading to Treatment, I cleaned out a bunch of stuff and found it. Put it on and havent't taken it off since.

I do not, nore would I EVER have "ana pride" or whatever. This illness is BS! I just want MY life back...or at least FIND a LIFE.

[GrowingandHealing]

So glad to hear that... I just am hyper sensitive to things and noticed that the bracelet was the color of "ana pride" bracelets. I know exactly what you mean... I am still working to get my life back from this disease! I hate it!!!

Again, good luck with everything!

[weaveamyweave08]

Thanks. Just keep in mind that just because something is "RED" does not mean that it is "Ana Pride"...whatever the "F*ck" that is suppose to be!?! Who ever chooses to be "pro-ED" has a messed up mind! I am anything BUT "pro"! Well, with the exception is "PRO-HEALING" and "PRO-RECOVERY"!.

Glad to hear thatyou are still working on getting your life back. It's a really hard road to be on...isn't it!?!

xo~a

[GrowingandHealing]

So true... I actually sport a lot of red in support of AIDS survivors. I was just worried because I know you struggle so strongly with this horrible disease. I hope everything is going better and will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

[weaveamyweave08]

Yes...Very true.

Thank you for your concern.

The ED thoughts and "mind-set" are getting worse (I'm starting to question my need for treatment again). So I guess things are not going better for me. I'm less "emotionally" upset I suppose. I'm more grounded for sure. But htat's about it. I have so much trouble thinking & living life. It's hell... it really is.

[lostlittlegirlygirl]

ive been in a similiar position.and i really DO think its the way u look at the situation.u say about wasting yout ime at a couple of points in this video.try to view it as an OPPORTUNITY.a learning opportunity,a time to reflect and get to know yourself and life and all else.its a learning experience that these 7 years can give u!its not all doom and gloom,it IS positive!

[weaveamyweave08]

You are right...it's NOT all doom and gloom. At the same time...I showed them on many different occasions and different ways how morivated I was and I NEED their help. I REFUSE to spend the next 7 damn years being admitted there "medically" and then back out to do "trauma work" and being treated like a Yo-Yo! I'm going to be 36 in Janurary...I don't have kids and WANT kids! I am NOT wasting my life the way Dr. W. wants me to. That's just BS!!!

[Joy05cf]

Sorry to hear about your treatment experience. Please don't give up the right treatment is out there! I hope the Center for Change works out - Ive never heard of Trauma being a separate treatment issue from ED. Congrats on being Ephedra free :-)

Always here if you need to chat - joy -

[tommax26]

Love you too, Amy. I'm so thankful that Tara was helpful. She has great insights and compassion. Yes, it is confusing that these "experts" want to ignore the emotional victimization source of your issues. I believe that somehow all this jumble of bureaucracy will unravel into helpfulness. Please keep hopeful and take care.

Tom