Vengeance-Minded Glacier Just Biding Time Until Next Ice Age

[lzrlightshow]

truth was spoken when they said "the 2011 babies are the ugliest" what a wise and sofisticated observation.

[salvo711]

That historian guy is awesome. Great beard.

[michastph]

It is good to know that the Republicans and Democrats CAN work together on occasion.

[googlerization]

demanding 12 trillion dollars in CASH LOOOOL

[guitarmatt94]

Damn my only source of good satire has gone to shit.

[guitarmatt94]

Does anybody know what the hell happened to the onion? It used to be they had longer and way more funny videos. Now they just have these short lame ones. What happened?

[from212]

@guitarmatt94 they have a real TV show now.

[drumdust]

Thankfully in todays topsy turvy world we have The Onion to tell us how it really is.

God bless you Onion!

[flyersphan111]

I can picture Toomy saying that...

[davitodude]

Those are some ugly babies.

[ThePistolero909]

i want to live in the onions america, seems like fun

[RichoRosai]

@ThePistolero909 Head's up: you do. Well, if you live in America, that is.

[TNTLotLP]

0:13 is actually really really sad :(

[MrFingersniffer]

deep steamed onion at its best

[hawke525]

Gotta love this voiceover.

[VicViper001]

This kids got a phone.... *BOOM!* O.O

[ITHEREONETHATHASNT]

The onion has just gone to shit. Every video is a dumb week in review and they are now CHARGING for access. I would never pay for this. They should be able to survive off advertising info. Goodbye onion.

[tenshi240]

dora the explora birthday cake. lol.

[mansarin]

@1:00

"As there is no telling what this Congress might do"

EPIC. :D

[unoffended]

Holy fat flying fuck! These are always hilarious. Truly the best videos they put out.

[Savaniel]

For some reason, 0:12 made me really sad...

[Ivan951]

Yeah... im getting USED to this new Onion but it still doesnt compare to the old ones.

[BigSean1992]

the whole hostage thing for 12 trillion seems like more of a democrat thing, but instead of calling it a ransom they call it a "stimulus package" and its the children's future they are holding hostage by putting them trillions into debt, COME ON ONION GET IT RIGHT

[BoxNinjaProductions]

lolololololol

[CasualVader]

The look of the fries made me gag.

[Jimbogf]

@CasualVader  that's Burger King for yah....

[Rickardius]

1:14 If only everyone did that.

[kalo96792]

The biden bit made me laugh.

[jacobbielarski]

1:02 - 1:38 is incredibly poignant...

[SteveSpieldberg360]

Biden was chillin' in the roof while things were going down in Congress...

[ChadOzzy101]

Bring back "In The Know!!"

[mmmcheese1]

youtube.com/watch?v=Ej25Q2VXqt­U

[sebcde]

"this trick" haha

[hajameelne]

As a journalist, I once reported an Onion news item. I was really so naive I thought everyone would understand 'twas a joke. After all, I included the link to the Onion. Results? Not a single one of the commenting readers believed I, a constant follower and fan of The Onion, would know that this site was not serious. Well, everyone judges the others by oneself. Indeed, I was harshly chided on a weekly meeting, because journalism is SEEEERIOUS. I'm glad nobody ever told this to The Onion staff.

[Horus515]

Looks like Biden also stashed a bag of what looks like mushrooms and a bong up there.

[simaaiwen]

@MeMyselfAndI42424

. I suggest the three of you go back to school, enhance your English language comprehension, read some books and watch some real news. No, I am not trolling. I am putting you in your place.

[simaaiwen]

@MeMyselfAndI42424

IS THAT MORE CLEAR NOW? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? So, how am I trolling? And is watching CNN stupid? However I was making fun of FOX, because since they reported satire from the Onion as real news ("Obama writes a rambling 75000 word e-mail to the UN") I have lost all respect for them as a reliable news source.

[simaaiwen]

@MeMyselfAndI42424

I am niether trolling nor am I stupid. The story ran on CNN. I saw it. Go to their website and you can see it, too. CNN understood it was FAKE news--i.e. SATIRE and were reporting the fact that some dipshits were following the Onion on Twitter and took the piece of HUMOR as REAL and it all went up to Capitol Hill police. Congress then said the news was in bad taste.

[postmanjoesfriend]

To be fair those are some UGLY babies

[NUGNESS123]

Onion, you guys are KILLING it right now, damn!

[howdougetoutofhere]

@ CardingtonLZF you sound like a poor sap who believed everything you saw on TV. Calling something names doesnt prove a point. Oh and stop hating on everything you disagree with, it makes for bad character.

[aug3600]

hey boehner this kids got a phone.. *bang* lmao

[CardingtonLZF]

@MeMyselfAndI42424 You don't realize how utterly moronic FOX News is...and since when does CNN have fanboys?

[CardingtonLZF]

@MeMyselfAndI42424 How is he trolling? As hard as it is to believe, some idiots did take the Congress "news" seriously. Leave it to FOX News to once again assert their place as the biggest dumbasses on the planet.

[zoso682]

Those were Buds, not Coors. A rare miss by the Onion.

[alfredoking14]

not usually the biggest fan of the reviews but this one was great hahah.

[kafcin]

The history thing is so true. Applies to all nations!

[ForceSmart]

Wow...this one was pretty chock full lol

[dmnjt2]

I qounder when the onion will run out of jokes

[secundadonna]

@dmnjt2 I don't think they ever will!

[millertas]

1:36 So True

[419Films]

Most of it was amusing. The "2011 newborns are the ugliest babies in 30 years" just killed me, though. XD

[roflschofel]

I love how The Onion news has more accurate news than the actual news.

[Last0neStand1ng]

"Pretty fucking cool up there"

[gulllars]

1:02 epic WIN story!

(paraphrase:) "Let's see what decitions in the past were bad, and then don't make those decitions again. Because if a bad thing happened again, that would be bad." LOL

[1schwererziehbar1]

the history bit was a good idea but the historian actor was so-so.

[lpbiatch]

Oh, Joe Biden. 

[AlreadyBarcoded]

How do you say this.. hist oryee? his torie? hish turney?

Damn you letters that make words! DAMN YOU!

[lewdvalor]

Damn the Onion sounds so legit...

[ch19079]

"Hey Boehner, this kid has a phone... Bang!!"

Awsome.

[dangolo]

SOON.

[iceseekers]

keeps getting better

[Lathyris]

"Cracking open a Coors tallboy" MY ASS! That was BUD, damnit! Don't insult the kind of beers!

[MrRiggyRiggs]

i like women with hairy armpits!

[aaronpolitical]

Oh I could totally fuck up that Dora....birthday cake. Mmmmmm

[MalcolmElisha]

I don't know if I should like or not?

[murf69]

The historian informing us that we should be looking to the past for answers was a CLASSIC! "...because if a bad thing happened again you see, that would be very bad indeed, wouldn't it?"

[Naddig74]

The bit about the Dora the Explorer cake has actually made me cry :(

[TheFartoholic]

@Naddig74 I laughed guiltily. Even though it wasn't true.

[Naddig74]

@TheFartoholic It 'didn't happen' but it is true :P



[Javimonotheism]

Looking back in the past as is a relevent thing that might prevent future errors. Who has been keeping this secret!

[votumseparatum1]

@Javimonotheism Apparently, not your momma and her ugly children. lol.

[UnderlordZ]

Not something about Boehner that I'd say I find surprising...

[nightkraawler]

replace those kids with some country that is connected to oil production -being thrashed by war, and you have Real News.

[simaaiwen]

I saw the report about congress taking children hostage on CNN---really made my day! Apparently people following The Onion on twitter thought it was real news! CNN reported it and the congress was angry because they thought it was in bad taste. I guess they thought that a report implied that they would do something like that. I detect guilty consciences. Hahaha. How could anyone but FOX news follow The Onion on Twitter or anywhere else and think it was real news? Brilliant!

[HwoarangtheBoomerang]

@simaaiwen

Really? On CNN?

[andyandymax]

@simaaiwen - So was it FOX or CNN?

[simaaiwen]

@andyandymax

It was on CNN. I was making fun of FOX.

[TutGadol]

@simaaiwen The Fox nation once reported an onion report as real news, it was something against Obama, I don't remember what exactly but you could probably find it on google.

[has2cats]

Biden is the MAN!!!

[lazyperfectionist1]

15 people wish they could hang out on the roof with Biden.

[OnlyKoolaid]

2011 babies are soooo ugly..........

[NobodysOffTheHook]

Rofl! Especially at the babies.

[TheHardout2005]

The part on Joe Biden probably wasn't made up. I reckon that's how he is in real life.

[andrespereyda]

god bless funny people. satan is behind all boring people

[gojira931]

Hey Boehner, this kid's got a phone.

[Mattmc777777]

@LeksServices dirty communist. It hasnt fucking worked anytime in the past and its not ganna work now

[VicViper001]

See what decisions turned out to be bad and once you've pinpointed them, simply don't make them again? It's genius! So simple and yet genius!

[tuseroni]

i love the historian "just pick up any book with the word history in it, skim the contents and see what decisions in the past turned out to be bad, and then once you've pinpointed them simply dont make those same decisions again":

"they wish people had told them about this trick sooner"

its a great trick and i recommend it to anyone voting on important political decisions.

[janenba352]

@tuseroni scary how this suggestion is actually true. sadly our politicians are idiots who apparently cant read the documents they are signing into law.

[mariellejh]

As a Pennsylvanian, that was an accurate representation of Pat Toomey.



[SageofCancer]

@Changewasalie looks more like a firework than a bong

[RELIGIONmustDIE]

Mmmmm... Deep steamed french fries!

[FakeAccountIsFake]

All year I've been thinking babies were uglier than usual, it's nice to finally get some confirmation.

[ChangeWasALie]

1:51 Biden has a bong

[vanderman128]

that father thing was actually kinda depressing

[zzyzx0788]

@vanderman128 Kind of. Unless you actually picture him stuffing a Dora the Explorer cake in his mouth. Then its hilarious

[neomp5]

nice of the republicans to cut to the chase and start actually taking americans hostage

[Ravengaurd6]

@neomp5 The guy who shot the kid in the vid was a Democrat

[FaultYesteryear]

more 'in the know!'

[DasGreenCow]

Very dark. I love it.

[eerereps]

I really miss "in the know" and "news room"

[LEFT4BASS]

@eerereps Seriously,those were so much better than these weekend reviews.

[LEFT4BASS]

@eerereps Seriously,those were so much better than these weekend reviews.

[XgokkunX]

@eerereps me too!!!!

[ronnsama]

@eerereps you and me both

[omgtkseth]

lol

[LikeANinja64]

I kinda wish that historian thing was taken more seriously lol.

[Thirsty4Jizz]

That's not Coor's, that's Budweiser! It's not even the tall cans!

[AmericanPride1234]

kids i mean. sorry. typing from my Phone.

[AmericanPride1234]

hard to laugh at congress holding kida hostage at gun point until they give them 12 trillion dollars because that what congress is actually doing.

[Chucktanium]

Do the guys at The Onion read the news? Berlosconi has called the german prime minister "an unfuckable hag". That's a real thing.

[culwin]

Whoa, someone should report Congress to the authorities.

[voyeurdug]

Biden is serving American beer to Europeans? What a rascal!!!

[WakeEntry]

Every time I see Merkel my pee-pee swells.

[anticliche321]

it's funny cause congress is mostly white

[The1Sherwin]

"if a bad thing thing happend again, that would be really bad wouldn't it?"

[Hieagandaus]

You better give that Glacier tht 12ml after you steal it from those 3rd graders.The the Glacier will give 1/4 of the 12ml to those ugly newborns

[Snowflake70]

Well Done or at the very least medium well done.

[CurtHowland]

Isn't debt, paid for by future taxes (at gunpoint, of course), holding children hostage in trade for money?

[LeksServices]

@CurtHowland - Your language indicates you've been brainwashed. Isn't rent taken from you (at gunpoint, of course)? What are your choices when it comes to rent? Pay rent or die! So isn't that a threat of violence against your person for not paying rent? And you must admit: As 98% of the worlds resources are controlled by 2% of the people, even under your dogma that would not change. So the only difference is it's the 2% who own everything threatening to kill you instead of a "government."

[CurtHowland]

@LeksServices "Isn't rent taken from you (at gunpoint, of course)?"

Nope. It's a voluntary contract, with price agreed to before occupation.

"even under your dogma that would not change"

Normal attrition, competition and markets take care of that just fine. Rags to riches to rags in three generations, remember?

[LeksServices]

@CurtHowland - Of course, to continue, we all know that as soon as government is eliminated, all those people who own everything will of course suddenly grow a heart and give it all up because you ask them to. Just asking them to give you things works every time. Go and ask them for money. The Koch Brothers will be more than happy to give you anything you ask, just because it's the nice and right thing to do. All voluntary, and sweet, and kind. Aren't they nice?

[CurtHowland]

@LeksServices "all those people who own everything will of course suddenly grow a heart and give it all up"

No, that's the argument of the Utopian Socialists who think that if everyone gives up money and private property, everything with be happy with the world.

In a free market, rather than a political one, the only way to get rich is to serve your customers better than the competition.

Which means anyone can get rich, and wealth is not guaranteed for anyone.

That is the point of a free market.

[oIBBEo]

2:20 lol

[jessemaurais]

Gibbon's "Decline and Fall"

Nice.

[Brewhahh]

That wasn't a tall boy, it was a 12 oz :(

[tacka02]

that is the best one in a long time.

[J88Wolf]

I feel really sorry for the father at the start. {:(

[TheKILLSMASH]

This network fails! That was Budweiser. I'm hurt Onion :( Lol

[DemoraX]

noooo fergie in pants! what's this world coming too!

[deathcanproductions]

HEY IM 30 AND IM NOT ... ugh ill sit back down.....

[thebestpantar]

thank you the Onion, for giving it to me straight and not curvey like some news programs would.

[greekperson0305]

Biden had Budweiser, not Coors... I question the journalistic integrity of this network!

[GoatseObama]

the biden bit got a good laugh out of me

[2skullscrushing]

@GoatseObama  That part is probably true too. ha ha

[thomaserossi]

How fucking pathetic!

The Onion is still a bunch of pathetic Obamunists. They can't even mention Obama in their Joke. It HAS to be Biden.

Fucking losers!

[smiledammit24]

@thomaserossi You never saw the "Obama is Manic Depressive Bipolar" one?

[Clawdragoons]

@thomaserossi Are you an idiot, incredibly stupid, braindamaged, a moron, or simply retarded?

[expIorer5148]

glad i wasn't born in 2011.

[canuckleful]

@expIorer5148 I was.

[archivesbc]

The Onion posted a minute by minute twits of the "Congress Hostage Situation" - they got a lot of flack for it.

[RavagingTerror]

That poor Dora cake...

[startreking2007]

This video is proving that finally Fox is starting to do some actual investigative journalism. Your improving Fox. Keep it up, someday you may be a real news channel again.

[METALMAN4Wii]

"Never Stop Pressing Like"..!

[Cytacon]

Biden is Silvio Berlusconis illegitimate love child.

[richie2101]

GO GLACIER GO!!!

[Fancysymbol]

This makes Biden seem awesome -- all the time

[TheJunkieBox]

Are these what's going on in the papers?

[XxTheHybridxX]

this kids got a phone lol

[ScientificExploits]

"If A Bad Thing Happens Again You See, That Would Be Very Bad Indeed." lmao, All American's can understand Dr. Seuss at least.

[TheJoeDean]

I think Congress taking kids hostage implies they actually did something, which is impossible.

[METALMAN4Wii]

@TheJoeDean That Money's going for the war don't you get it....?

[Emidretrauqe]

@TheJoeDean Congress does plenty of little things all the time. It's just usually laden with corruption that does more harm than good.

[ParadoxPerspective]

@TheJoeDean with the way they handle things, do you really WANT them to do anything? xD

I mean... besides passing god knows how many laws a day to bear down on us forever.

[CarnegieFelon]

@TheJoeDean When you look at it that way, do you think this might actually improve their approval rating?

[thesameidiot]

@TheJoeDean

The first serious flaw of the Onion.

[live2laf]

history part was so funny and so true. loved it

[Theroha]

The history part: Reality, what a concept?

[ACANOFSODA]

That father one, at the beginning, was actually quiet depressing..

[fastedu1]

8 people watch too much FoxNews

[Doan84]

I always wondered. Is Fox News a parody of The Onion?

[guyofred]

@Doan84 yes, what else?

[Truthiness231]

@Doan84 I'd be less surprised if it turns out they both have the same comedy writers.

[OtherGonzo]

@Doan84 The Onion stories are more believable

[Doan84]

@Doan84 some ppl don't get my joke :(