Added: 4 years ago
From: FauxClaud
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  • Usually we hear from adoptees not the mothers. I'm sorry for the way you were treated. You all obviously have good hearts.

  • BARF at Jacquelyn Norman, who is actually an adoption social worker? "I just hope that one day HE REALIZES WHAT I WENT THROUGH (in doing something that I thought would be better for him" "the way that they treated me...that my uterus was used"..."I feel like the decision I made hasn't been validated because they've written me off" "something that oftentimes people don't know unless I share with them, BUT I KNOW..." What a victim. She wants her kid to validate her pain? GROW UP.

  • You People Have No Clue What its Like to go threw this Listin to these woman, This will be a Life time affect for them, Kudos to all Of you Ive been there too, almost 30 years for me, Just talk Via txt and email, No words yet, no reunion yet, But maybe someday.

  • Stacie Turner, the black woman on the housewives of DC was adopted at birth by a black family who loves her,& looks like her. When her mom died, she told her father she wanted to meet her birther. She found the birther, who is white, & told her that she t wan't to meet Stacie or tell her family; 4 children & husband. Stacie is a Howard grad w/a Harvard MBA & is very succesfull with a loving husband & 2 sons. Stacie's family is the adopted family not the birther & her offspring.

  • Many women keep their kids and go on wellfare. Those kids suffer for the selfishness of their mothers. I wonder if that woman would have gotten a PHd if she had to take care of a baby and work multiple jobs. Wellfare, federal housing and foodstamps is always an option for any unwed19 yr old with a baby. BUt it is a cycle that you will never be released from. Abortion or Adoption are great choices. Putting a kid through a life of suffering, is not worth living.

  • @alecniles Thats crap. 100% of the birthmothers I know are goal based, educated intelligent women. There is NOTHING that guarentees that ANYONE of us would have spent a life on welfare with or without a child in tow. Would a Phd take longer? Perhaps, but one also has the additional motivation of wanting to provide for their child. I don;t know how many mothers I know liost the WILL to even life much less prosper after losing their chiuldren to adoption.

  • @FauxClaud what? i dont have a pet goat!!!

  • @FauxClaud You did not LOSE a child. You GAVE a child away. Incubating does not make you the mother. My words are in good faith, & not ment to be hurtful. We have the CHOICE to birth, parent or not too. CHOICE, is a god given right of every woman in america. We all have regrets. It is better for the birther to bare the regret of her CHOICE, than to burder a child with her selfishness. Women don't birth & give the child away for no reason. The Agency places the child,not raises the birther.

  • @alecniles Just out of curiosity, why does a woman need a PHd? Many people get through life just fine with a basic bachelor's degree, or even a GED or high school diploma.

  • @MrWomanpower The PHd referred to the student who put child up for adoption, and finished school, obtaining a PHd in the video. Now she is one of the women crying about the affects on the "birth mother". A birther is an incubator. not a mother.  We carry pain and regret with what ever mistake we make that conflicts with our indoctrination. That is fine. Because We should bare the pain of our decisions, not IMPOSE the pain on others. Ones offspring should not be burdened with our mistakes.

  • @FauxClaud: Seperation is pain you must deal with for bearing a child. When we get pregnant, we are bound by the decisions we make. It is better to bear the suffering in hopes of the many possibiliies your child having a better life than you could have given them. It is SO SELFISH to drag a child through your hardship. Blame your family, Blame the Catholic church for making you birth a child. Blame yourself for getting pregnant. But blaming adoption system for your pain is irrational.

  • @alecniles Actually they way i see it it was SELFISH of the agency, the industry to ASK me to be separated from my child fro their purposes. It was SELFSIH that they asked my child be separated form HI S FAMILY for unnecessary reasons. My son did not have a BETTER life, he had a DIFFERENT life... and it had no guarentee of actually being BETTER. the minute I signed those papers, I lost any contriol I had to keep it BEST.

    Don't tell me how my story went.

  • @FauxClaud I don't need the government to council me on my CHOICE; abortion, giving up for adoption or parenting. I am troubled that you blame the agency for your decision. Blame your family not the agency. I don't need an agency to tell me to birth, abort, put up for adoption or parent. It is ONLY my CHOICE. If I need coucil I will seek a therapist or an attorney. If I knock on an agency's door then I've decided. We all have regrets. I hope you get therapy to learn to deal with yours.

  • Birthing a child does not make you a mother. Adoption can be ideal for many people that are loved. A mother has little to do wit birth. It has everythiing to do with loveing and being responsible for a childs development and building a connection of the heart. Many women have birthed a child that commit suicide. Thesee women are BLAMING everyone for their decision. The wound will never heal. Deal w/it. You are not the MOTHER. BIRTH does not make a mother.

  • @alecniles Actually BIRTH is the single action that makes someone become a MOTHER. Simple fact.

    Adoption removes the mother and is only the legal transfer of parent rights. The fact that people were NOT warned of the liong term affect of their decisions by the angencies that they truest is unetchical and fraud. And no the wond will never heal.. but thanks for your kind wiords and undestanding "deal with it" . Lots of compassion there.. 

  • @FauxClaud You gave your child to his family. This is not China. You could have gone on wellfare, foodstamps, medicade, & federal housing. You could have kept that baby. You had @ least 4 months to research & plan it, not 5 minutes. Adoption  to a family is a better life than struggling in the projects w/a vulnerable teenage mom. A woman decides who the father will be of a child birthed,& their fate. You did. Adoption was the best decision then. We all have painful regrets. Get therapy.

  • @alecniles Yes.. you are 100% right i could have used the services available, but I also strongly feel that the agency whom I TRUSTED should have had an obligation to provide a much more reaslitic picture of life as a bitrthmother besides a happy rainbow fart story. They did not.

    And, FYI, I would never have BEEN in the projects NOR would we have struggled.. that's one of the main reasons why it was unnecessary. And I don't need therapy.. Activism is much more healthy!

  • Omg all these woman have good jobs and PHD's and thye live in America and they give their kid up i mean i understand in russia bc everyone is poor but in fucking america omg i would pray if i was givin up i would walk to my birth mother and fuck the shit outa her and tell burn in hell slut!

  • @DjPetrov You are an idiot! Clearly your parents are knuckle heads for raising you to be an idiot. Women give children to adoption for the wellbeing of the child. The possibility of a better life is hell of alot better than the probability of a life of struggle & vulnerability. It is not fair to the child to bank on hope. When the birther CHOSE it. BTW, If you ever came to me talking that shit, I would make you wish you were never born. Recognize that adoption is a gift bitch!

  • @alecniles You can not even spell right lol....Wow and calling me an idiot.....Just because you gave up yours don't give your bitch style talking to me like that.

  • @DjPetrov Clearly, the spelling wasn't so bad for you to understand that if you ever showed up at my doorstep talking that bullshit, I would do more than bitch slap you. Moreover, your spelling and grammar is worse that mine. No wonder you responded so fast, I typed it just so would understand it. Adoption is a gift to be celebrated, NOT cried over. If you ever came to my door with your threats I would give you something to cry about.

  • I was born 12/23/1984 in Rochester, NY and my birthmother named me Mary Theresa. If you know any more contact me.

  • I think that this video is awful. I am a birth mother and you should review the paperwork before you sign, understand your rights. Everyone here is blaming someone else. I love my childs birth parents.

  • @mlkf072108 Yeah, it's awful becasue it's true. Maybe your agency didn;t lie and screw you over, but many mnay adoption agencies do. Just because you had a good experince, does not negate other people personal stories.

    And.. are you a birthparent and you love your child's birthparents?? Confusing.

  • I'm looking for them both! I can't go one night with out thinking about the. PLEASE give my a way to find them!!

  • My Open Adoption is wonderful and I could sit here and go through the multitude of reasons why adoption was a beautiful option for All involved but im not going to waste my breath. I can tell the people in this video had very different experiences and my heart goes out to those in closed adoption situations. Please. For those families out there that Do benefit from adoption. Stop the madness. Forgive yourself and all involved. Only then can real change be made.

  • Thank you.

  • My adopted mother couldn't concieve a child. Instead she adopted. She choose me as second rate to her "better" option of having her own. Real women might think about this.

  • Please don't put the oneness of being treated as lesser on the natural mothers. We were told how "wonderful" adioption would be for our babies. We were told how "perfect" all the adoptive parents were and how they were "better".

    If we had been told the truth..not been sold a bill of lies to break us down and get our babies, then we could have avoided all the heartbreak for everyone.

    I'm sorry you did not have what you deserved. I bet your mother would be horrified.

  • I'm sorry you feel I am putting this on the natural mother alone. Responsibility needs to be somewhere.

  • Yes it does, but the real issue is the adoption industry. They are the ones who profit off of the separation and they are the ones who perpetuate it.

  • I am an adoptee, I think is a beautiful idea,

    I was adopted back in the early 50's & have been told how it was for the birth mothers.

    I also want to coment on the states trying to play GOD with our lives & our rights to know who we are. I have a hole in my heart that will never be filled until I find my Birth Mother.

    I also want to say that I saw 1 comment from karbar that is the meanist thing I have ever heard.

    How Prudish.

  • I too was promised it would be better, it wasn't. it was worse then I could have done myself at 16. We are reunited over 10, the reunion is great.

  • karbar1127. Pregnancies occur, not all of them with planning and true love. What about rape? What about failed contraception? Thousands of women were drugged and coerced into signing adoption papers. They were given no options. Without a partner and/or financial security, women are still not fully supported in keeping their babies And many adoptees suffer identity and abandonment issues. If we lived in a more humane society, all mothers would be honored and supported.

  • I am a birth mother and can tell you from experience that what you wrote is definitely not true! Many birth mothers were forced to relinquish their child by their parents & financial problems. Some companies and the government encourage adoption by offering bonuses, tax cuts, etc. to couples that adopt a child. Why don't they give financial help to the mother and child to keep the family together!? So, most of us birth mothers never were able to make the decision;the decision was made for us!

  • My reply was in responce to the post from karbar1127

  • I agree that nobody forces these women to give away their kids.

  • Karbar 1127. There was no birth control years ago.. Other families didn't just take us in , we were taken from our natural moms, when they wanted to keep us, they had no choice, no money, and no family support.. We did our dutie to the women who were infertile.. Greatful pleasing adoptees that's us. Do not insult the women or men who have been scarred from adoption !!

  • Sex outside marriage is not the issue. Treatment of mothers is. You are woefully ignorant and naive if you don't think someone can make you give up your children. Educate yourself. YouTube is not place for your education.

  • Thank you for putting this together and sharing your experiences honestly. Let's hope we can make things better for the expectant mothers of the future.

    Gina

    AP/PEAR

  • LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

  • I could have spoken every word of this video! TRUTH!!!

    I hope this gets more viewing time.

    BH, Adoptee 1965, First Mother, 1984, Reunited, 2006-07

  • Oh wow.

    It's beautiful.

    Thank you for speaking for us.

    Nicole, mom of adoption loss 2001

  • Finally the silence is broken rather than our hearts! Real women should never be silenced for the sake of their children. Great job!

  • wonderful video. thank you. mother of loss 1984.

  • I'm a 1984 lost mother as well

  • Thanks for making this video. It may help to bring about a more honest discussion about adoption.

  • Thank you for making this video. Another mother of adoption loss.

  • Good to see some of the REAL TRUTH about adoption getting out during "National Adoption Awareness Month." This is exactly the kind of awareness that is needed to kickstart meaningful reform in the U.S.

  • Beautiful, heartfelt, honest.

    (((((hugs)))))

    To all of you, and to all of us that endure this (adoption mess) together.

  • Thanks Claud for putting this together. It's only a snap shot of our loss, but it's enough to get the word out that we never forget and our loss stays with us through our lifetime until the very end.

  • This is such a strong video. The grief so real on these women, the youngest one showing her very real pain, and the older women, still grieving but have learned to cope with it a little better. No, it never gets better, even when whe meet our lost children as adults, because we never can find the child we lost, they are gone.

    You are all so very brave to do this.

  • Wonderful, ladies, congratulations on a great job! Many good thoughts coming your way as you continue the important work you are doing!

  • way to go ladies. this is amazing. thank you.

  • I am so proud to be working women like the four of you! Our loss was real, it is painful and it needs be stopped.. I love how brave you all are, it gives me courage and the strength to keep fighting the good fight!

    Mary

  • Love it!

    "For the first time in his life he felt like he wasnt the odd ball"

    That hit real close to home.

  • Thank you Suz, Claud, Bernadette, Mirah and Jacqueline.

  • Yeah, this is all too familiar to me. Very good, Suz,keep up the hard work, Bernadette,I think your story is most like mine, Mirah,God Bless You, Lady, Claudia, I think your story is how we all hope ours to end, and Jacqueline, stay strong girl.

  • awesome video.

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