Added: 1 year ago
From: davidmitchellsoapbox
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  • Sign not in use

  • I suddenly realize in none of these can I recall David Mitchell saying "fuck."

  • @IoEstasCedonta I know, it's fucking bullshit! I reckon it's cause they want to maintain a 15+ or whatever it is in the UK rating

  • Sounds like someone has an overwhelming appetite for fecal discharge.

  • Mitchell's Law: objects do not automatically become whatever you label them.

  • I really want to go into my "local" pharmacy now and say "bottle of the usual" in front of the whole store :)

  • @aragornthebrave And hope the smart ass pharmacist doesn't toss you a tube of jock itch cream!

  • Lol this is hilarious

  • A few years ago, I saw the front cover of a magazine that informed me of something Jennifer Aniston was doing. It said, "Jen pops the question: marry me!"

    My first thought was: "That's not a question".

    My second thought was: "I don't care who she's saying that to or why she's saying it."

  • I saw a sign in a supermarket that said, "Together we're using less bags". I grabbed a passing manager by the tie, yanked his face into my knee and said, "It's 'fewer' bags, not 'less' bags". Had the sign-makers opted to be more accusatory, I think they would have thought the phrase, "We're using too much bags" sounded wrong, and yet it fits perfectly with their original choice of grammar.

    I didn't really assault the manager. The sign probably wasn't his fault.

  • Mitchell does what Dawkins does to religion to absolutely everything, it is magnificent.

  • "I have a local pub, and a couple of local restaraunts."

    Anyone else think that this is a very telling statement about David Mitchell?

  • Ah, David's adorable anger...

  • "I object to the whole idea of 'my local boots.'"

    "...have that sort of relationship with 'MY' chemist."

  • If you notice this notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

  • "Advanced warning" will be added to my list of Carlinisms, along with "Emergency situation" and "Final Destination".

    It's also funny how David says he doesn't know what a retrospective warning is, and the proceeds to describe one 2 paragraphs later.

  • I'm embaressed to say I do actually have a 'local' chemist and that I do actually have a tab and refer to the establishment by the first name of the proprieter.

  • Oddly enough, I think those 'local pharmacy' signs are geared not towards the casual customer but to the 'power users': the elderly. Those folk who ARE generationally-inclined toward brand loyalty in all things, and who visit frequently enough (to keep themselves alive) to become familiar with the staff. Garaunteed they're spending more than those of us who simply go in for the odd throat-lozenge or headache tablets.

  • Aspergers Syndrome humour... Not one of his best.

  • @DragoonBoom why apsergers? that was a typical mitchell rant taking things too serious and being overly critical

  • @DragoonBoom Isn't all his stuff kind of "aspergers" humour? (rhetorical)

  • anglo saxon mentalité

  • I went into a shop in Wales that told everyone to "Support your local shops"

    I askedthe shopkeeper if that meant I wasn't meant to buy anything from him, since my local shops are in Hampshire.

  • Is the audio very low for anyone else?

  • @tomatohodson speak up

  • retrospectiveWarning

  • Aren't all warnings advance? If you get a warning after the fact, it's called a taunt.

  • OH MY GAWD!!! :') Brilliant! haha

  • No such thing as retrospective warning. I'd never thought of that before. Thanks for uploading.

  • I always had a problem with the Kelloggs slogan "we dont make cereal for anyone else" WTF??

  • @Tossphate

    I used think exactly the same until I realised that they mean they don't make cereal for any other companies/supermarkets. Like how Heinz will make cheaper version of their baked beans for supermarkets etc. I think.

  • The thing I love about this is that I work for Lloyds Pharmacy!

  • What's that ugly building in the background?

  • talk about running out of material, dear oh dear.

  • i love this guy... so angry at everything, but in a funny way... yeah

  • It's a bit like Dr Farnsworth's catchphrase, "Good news everyone!"

  • I think I'm going to start sneaking into places and putting up signs that say "Polite Notice: Shit You!"

  • @RincewindsHat66

    Hehe, when he said that I just cracked up. It's not even an expression. It's just an absurd and needlessly vicious statement following the prudent header.

    This is why I love British comedy.

  • @smaakjeks no offence, but FUCK YOU !

    lol

  • @machete97

    I'm no generalising bigot, but you people from the UK are all morons!

  • @smaakjeks it wasn't directed at you, its just something i say alot that happened to fit in the parameters of what you explained, but also the harsh delivery juxtaposed your longwinded explanation of humour.

    wasn't this all adequately explained by the "lol"

  • @machete97

    Oh no, sorry, I was following your lead (insult prefixed by an ironic notice). I.e. it's offensive to say fuck you, and it's generalising bigotry to say that everyone from the UK are morons.

    I'm the one who should have made myself clearer, by adding a "lol" like you did.

  • @smaakjeks and the endless dance of misunderstandings continues.....

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

    not really appropriate there....

  • My local pharmacy has adopted the slogan "With Us It's Personal," which I take to be vaguely threatening.

  • "this is where the Boots, which is here, is" hahaha

  • @rigragtag He said the word tautology about 5 seconds before he said that :P

  • @deek0146 lol I wasn't being pedantic, I was just doing one of those annoying real-time quotes. But anyway, that was 9 months ago, I've moved on.

  • David's got sand in his vagina on this one

  • Can anyone recommend some ad blockers? I'm tired of seeing Eminem and Dr. Dre come up with some dickhead narrator saying "The Batman and Robin of Hip-Hop"

  • @AdiG1 Yeah, try AdBlock... -_-

  • The reason for the wording "polite notice" is the hope that dick-heads don't see it as a challenge immediately do whatever they are being asked not to upon reading the sign. As David Mitchell is not a dick-head he doesn't realize this. Morons are easily offended. 

  • He mist out the sign you get at farmers markets. Declaring farm potatoes, carrots or what not. Like potatoes are made in factories!  :-)

  • hilarious, i could listen to this all day.

  • "Shit you." Couldn't help but laugh out loud.

  • hey i found a twitter user called realdmitchell but im not sure if its really u.

    found a robert webb called realrwebb i think 2

  • Oh yes, my own personal bugbear.

  • lol, this was a pretty complicated one, I was only just following it.

  • My favourite is "watch out for falling rocks" as a road sign... as if you could do anything when you see a great big rock plummeting towards you!

  • @HenryLavelle74

    You Spelt poof wrong you twat

  • I've always assumed it was just a nervous sign writer, the sort that always adds extra adjectives in the desperate hope that he will be able to communicate a level of meaning so precise and persuasive that all who gaze upon it cannot but cry aloud. "I never saw it like that before. Come, let us all do as this earnest and forthright sign commands; praise be its writer."

  • Shut up u stupid gay puff

  • @HenryLavelle74

    puff? you tit!

  • @pipweed sakars right, you don't even understand an insult. Therefore, your ass has been handed.

  • @Darkylollol and who the fucks talking to u kid. i understand how to insult but u gay ppl cleary dont. u think that correcting someones grammar is a insult wen it only proves one of my points and it means u fail and have no life.

  • I once saw a sign that said (seriously) don't touch the edges of this sign they are sharp and I was like wth why is there a sign there then!?!?!

  • why

  • No such thing as a retrospective warning? Someone's never seen 'The Nazis: A Warning from History'.

  • lol who is this faggot in the red shirt. such a homo voice i wonder is he really gay? hes certainly nerdy an poofy like a gay person. and has a gay voice. but the videos boring anyways. dunno what hes on about tbh. its for nerd people

  • @Pipweed lol in an ever increasingly meritocratic society, you've just earned yourself a lifetime of toil...

  • @morgman43 yeh... i dont even know what u just said. get a life u gay prick.

  • @Pipweed The world must be a baffling place to you. Do you look behind the TV to see where the little people are? Or do you just burn it, proclaiming it witchcraft?

  • @morgman43

    ROFL...brilliant!  :)

  • @morgman43 get a life mate ur clearly just a gay or a nerd or something. havent got time for ur kind tbh.

  • @Pipweed

    You do know that you can use the internet [the thing your on right now] to 'search' for the 'definitions' of words. Words are those things that you type....and that tend to mean stuff. Or, perhaps in your case, words are those things your keeper types for you on the other side of the locked door of your padded cell. Either way, what he said [translated into cretinous blather] is: you are barely worth the air you consume.

  • @sakar181 lool.its funny how a video about a gay man is full of the gays and the nerds. i dont think thats a coincidence. i would say the same to u as i said to the other twat. get a life u poor bastard.

  • @Pipweed

    You can think whatever you want, but face it, morgman burned you so very bad that you dont even understand it. Grow a brainstem, you pathetic excuse for a sentient being.

  • @sakar181 lol wat? yeh ok mate i have no clue wat ur on about ur cleary spasticated. ur mums probably got cancer or somethin so thats why ur gettin all pissy

  • @ColonSemi that is totally hilarious. Oh my life, why on earth has someone bothered making that function; it's only possible use is to provide amusement for those who can hear :)

  • He is so fabulously articulate :) '...and irritating to everyone else, as it insinuates with the very fact that it's being read by you, that you are exactly the sort of spitty, littery, skate-boardy lout, down to who's level of impoliteness the notice is rather self-righteously proclaiming itself not to have stooped'. Why can't we have more of these first-rate comedians in the public eye, and less of Big Brother and general inanity.

  • I agree, in Newcastle there is a sainsburys that says "Sainsbury's Local", it is at least a mile and a half away from my house.

  • this is great

  • Wantonly, lol

  • "there's no such thing as retroactive warning."

    lol, it's actually one of my habits to say "watch out" after someone's already tripped. Or if they pick up something hot, I'll say "careful, that's hot."

  • @MysteriousC polite comment

    maybe your just an annoying person

  • @255ad ouch. Um, yeah, I happen the think I'm annoying. But I do say it sarcastically, as a joke among friends.

  • Bill Cosby has theoretically proven the concept of retroactive signage. You're driving along, *WHAM* and then you see a sign reading: "You have just hit a dip."

  • love the sign he is sitting on...Please keep shirts done up!

  • I just watched Ed Byrne's video on Alanis Morissette's song 'Ironic', "Written by a woman who doesn't know what irony is." Anyway, he exemplified how you could make what Alanis sings about ironic, including: "It's like a 'No smoking' sign on your cigarette break", and then clarifies how they could have been ironic. For example, such a sign in a cigarette factory, or: "You know those signs saying 'Thank you for not smoking', and you are?"

    I think David should rant about those signs, too. Cheers!

  • i love how at the end it goes "bulldog, available at your local boots"

  • @MrSammywow11 I think it's deliberate. This Bulldog crowd seem open to a bit of a slagging anyway considering they stuck with him as a long as they did.

  • @MrSammywow11 why?

    it aint that amazing

  • @MrSammywow11 im undecided whether it was intentionally put there haha

  • @MrSammywow11 Boots is a chain of pharmacies

  • @MrSammywow11 I'll 'ave a Bulldog with my Aspirin.

  • haha, I love Boots! Of course, I'm American so I have to get it at the cosmetics area of Target.

  • lmfao. "This is where the boots which is here is."

  • I particularly dislike the signs my employers have decided were necessary "designated smoking area"

  • @alexdwsn Love that one. "This is the smoking area which, had we not put up this sign you're reading, would not have been designated."

  • I always thought the 'POLITE NOTICE' signs were nothing to do with politeness at all - I think they're hoping you misread it as 'POLICE NOTICE' and give it more importance than it actually deserves.

  • @SueMoseley makes sense

  • Comment removed

  • @mikegotteri Too bad all these are just read by him. And also the fact that you can't spell genius.

  • If I ever became a sign-producer, or maybe just a sign-maker, I would be sure to make one that appealed to David. :D

  • I'm wondering which came first, Mitchell choosing "your local Boots" as part of the bit, or the sponsor message?

  • I think that these Soapboxes are a bit hit & miss, but this one is fantastic!!

    Well done Mr Mitchell!!

  • RETROSPECTIVE WARNING

    This video is not quite as funny as some other videos from David, and nowhere near as funny as the one that made me wet myself with laughter last week. But it is quite funny, so seeing as you're here... you might as well watch it.

  • Oh England and your governmental niceties! I wonder now David Cameron is PM whether your signs will all sign off with "Jesus loves you", a few exes and ohs and a cheeky lipstick kiss... hhhm. Perhaps that's a second term policy.

  • @MissFotini Considering that most people in the UK don't believe in Jesus, that would be rather odd anyway.

  • @do0wop i dont think he is tbh because he always improvises rants on panel shows i think he thinks it through and says it aloud so it has proper emotion.

  • @garyiskoolable yeah but his eyes are moving side to side.

  • not as good material, but still delayed my wank for 4 mins

  • Is he reading off a teleprompter?

  • @do0wop

    Whether he is or not rest assured he writes it all himself. The fact that he changes cameras (3 or four times) would indicate they have many teleprompters or he just does it himself

  • @do0wop He must be.....

  • You'll need to attach the ebola virus to this clip if you want this shite to go viral

  • I went into boots and found they didnt sell boots,damn them

  • He's run out of ideas. Which is a shame, because he's a fantastic comdian.

  • Polite notice: Shit you!

  • "'Polite Notice'... I'll be the judge of that."

    But I say this all the time!

  • 4 people don't like bulldog.

  • Ive just been completly mind fucked O.o

  • I always thought that the "Slow Children" sign was a little harsh.

  • @jacksawild So did Jimmy Carr.

  • hi im david michell and i hate life.

  • David how did you get up on that wall?

  • What I find annoying is "Thank you for not putting your feet on the seats/thank you for not smoking here". Being the sort of person who just wants do the opposite, I do precisely that - the opposite. I consciously put my feet on the seats, so I can be smug and say "What an ironic sign". Idiots.

  • how "do" keep off the grass signs get there?

  • this never showed up in my sub box :(

  • Sign, sign.

    Everywhere a sign.

    Blockin' out the scenery.

    Breakin' my mind.

    Do this. Don't do that.

    Can't you read the sign?

  • I work at boots ¬_¬

  • @Inverted333 can you get me 2 for 1 shoe deoderisers?

  • Arrrggghh! The red shirt is so red!

  • well, i like the written rants and the spontaneous panel show rants all the same. no need to choose one or the other, in fact, i appreciate the subtle differences betwixt the two. another great video , thanks kindly for sharing , cheers from san diego, -we here in san diego throw a "G" on the "no skateboarding" signs as to encourage a bit of cardio for the ever increasing population of rotund residents

  • Yeah, not one of the better ones he's done... he could probably gurgle incoherently and I'd still watch him, though.

  • A little pedantic for my tastes... Still, it's David Mitchell...

  • Hmmm... Guess you need to be a Brit for this one.

  • Not the best of DM, but no shame in that.

  • POLITE NOTICE:

    SHIT YOU!

  • Hes running low on material

  • @bladelinger my thoughts exactly.

  • @bladelinger

    I really doubt he'll run out of things to complain about...

    I think the sponcer is limiting ( censoring?) what he is able to talk about...

  • Comment removed

  • @jasemccormick i'm in retail and i couldn't agree more. Some are lovely and some are bloody irritating!

  • This is your local youtube.

    Yes yours!

  • @Ganjamule - it's just a way of pointing out what people found funny about the clip. If you're so aggravated about this, please do not read the comments and do keep your cunts and fucks all to yourself.

  • @hopeathlete Clearly an utter Cunt!

  • @Ganjamule me? Oh I am. I even have one, can you believe it!

  • @hopeathlete yawn!!! Next!!!

  • @Ganjamule I agree.

  • hahahahaha

  • Sonny Jim!

  • Please change your shirt David...

  • @CelluloidGrrl or at least take it off...

  • @spongiebungie I second that ;)

  • what a babe.

  • Will people when posting comments please stop quoting what i have just heard for fucks sake. It's not "even funnier" when you just repeat it here on You Tube..........Cunts!

  • @Ganjamule I love you :L

  • @Ganjamule I've never understood it. It would make more sense if they said "I liked the bit where....", but they don't, they just write a line from the video, I wonder why?

  • This channel is better than half of the Mitchell & Webb TV sketches.

    REMAIN ON YOUTUBE ¦:¬]

  • I work at Boots, in the airside part of an airport. I'm past security, so where is that local to?

  • @YouGluben my arse. no wait im not a troll what am i doing? im sorry :)

  • @YouGluben where you are.

  • @Ganjamule Except it isn't, since it's not the nearest one to where I live!

  • @YouGluben ok if you want to be pedantic. Well let me help you then the Boots nearest to you is your local one. The one in the Airport is local to that location. How the fuck do you function in life?