Added: 2 years ago
From: offplanetfilms
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  • And while you stick that finger up your bum , you may as well relax and enjoy the moment. 2 birds 1 stone. WINNING!

  • Uhm, I have a monthly ticket, should i shit only once a month?

  • 10 minutes a perdre ?

    

  • just use your underwear, throw the underwear away, and walk around free-balling for the rest of the day.

  • @luvintheatre99 ...Yea, I'm okay, thanks! ...How are you?

  • Remind me never to share a bag of popcorn with you!

  • Do not want to your hands

  • Thank you for this video, one of the more tactful explanations I have seen. People make fun of it but it is what our soldiers have to put up with when out in the field and the nearest grocery store is not in sight. If you don't want your finger smelling like your bum then stock up on toilet paper, put some in your attic, buy it on sale and keep some in your car. But, as long as you eat to stay alive you'll have to prepare for taking care of the rest of the natural process.

  • @palmbaylou Remind me never to share a bag of popcorn with you!

  • this video is inspiering

  • these have to be some of the funniest comments ever :P

  • Yeah i used to tell this joke in like second grade...

  • nice technique.but one problem...i dont wana walk around wit my fingr smelin like my ass

  • @thegenerall916 ...that's easily fixed! ...you just pee on it, then you can walk around with your finger smelling like your winkie! (Chicks will dig it.)

  • this is the best video i have ever watched.

  • ahahha, this is just awesome =D

  • I dunno about you, but whenever i take a shit, my ass isnt covered all in poo.

  • @Intrets ...you should eat less plasticine, and more vegetable roughage.

  • @offplanetfilms vegetable roughage is the problem. Eat an all meat diet and your movements won't be messy at all and you won't have a problem with urgency. Eliminate carbs and fiber. Both carbs and fiber lead to fermentation, and Humans aren't cows and our digestive systems are NOT built for fermentation. For people who eat carbs and fiber, the majority of the bulk of their movements is BACTERIA. A mostly meat and hard cheese diet reduces bulk substantially and therefore frequency

  • @Indygoguy ...I'm lactose intolerant, but everything in moderation is wise (except for fat, sugar, potato & wheat). I have to disagree on the cheese though.... I consider it the worst possible thing you could eat. Condensed body fat of a larger animal. May as well scrape sweat of elephants & eat that too!)

  • @offplanetfilms Cheese is actaully healthy for you though, proven fact, as it contains protien. Milk also helps to prevent colon cancer.

  • @3dd656 ...All other animals wean themselves for a reason. Humans just keep repeating the bizarre activity of the first kinky guy who milked a cow!

  • @offplanetfilms I find the people who use that argument to be rather odd. Because it's a logical fallacy. At first you say all other animals are weaned, that's just from their milk. But then you go onto say that humans keep drinking other animals' milk, OTHER ANIMALS'. Human babies are generally weaned off of their mothers' milk or formula at an early age, generally when the enzymes are no longer beneficial to their digestive system. Cow and goat milk has proven to be beneficial to our diets.

  • @3dd656 ...Rather odd? ...I love milk and milk products (too damn much like the rest of us)... but the ugly fact that murders a beautiful truth is simply this.... When I %100 weaned myself from all dairy products, my health improved ridiculously. I breathe easier, skin cleared up & I lost all trace of pinkeye. I wish so hard that wasn't the case.... but it is. For me, I'm better off weaned! (I just turn to calcium soy products instead.... I do miss cheese.... but my body seriously does not!)

  • @offplanetfilms And yet, chances are, there is a better explanation. You should remember. Everything in moderation.

  • @3dd656 ...I'm a Government Agricultural scientist by day. (true) ...I've eliminated all the variables, repeated the experiment several times, and there isn't other explanation. Dairy simply doesn't agree with me. (I do wish that wasn't the case). Its probably just the lactose, but its definitely something in the milk. I've weaned myself & returned to it several times to see if the symptoms return (over years) and surely they do, like clockwork. For me, the cost just outweighs the benefits.

  • @offplanetfilms Saying "I breathe easier" makes it sound like you're out of breath more often than not, which is probably more of a general health issue than a dairy product issue. Same with pink eye, whatever that is.

  • @ChainsawGutsFuck ...in your case,Mr Chansawco*k, just take a few "get over it pills" and pray for a lapse of sociopathic tendencies by the morning. If all else fails, just fall on your chainsaw & we'll all breathe a little easier!

  • i wonder if it's a wet one lol!

  • Nice 1984 reference :)

  • @MrPahjay11 ...Very well spotted !! ...Oceania would be proud !!

  • this shit won't work for me

  • @StefanoBlanca ...speaking from experience?

  • @offplanetfilms well, never tried this method but i mean, with normal toilet paper i wouldn't be able to use just one square...

  • @StefanoBlanca ...ah, you'd have to go for a "double-ticket" experience in that case!

  • @offplanetfilms haha yeah a return journey ticket

  • whats this for bullshit ?

  • @3000tomas ...I don't think that's even a proper sentence? This is for HUMOR purposes, not to be taken seriously (I guess some need it spelling out.)

  • Is it disgusting?

  • @Bighead123320 ...Not half as disgusting as what some of these big heads get up to these days!

  • Or, you take your pocket knife, cut off your boxer shorts and wipe your stinking ass with that. No way I'd ever use my finger

  • loooool

  • lmfao...

  • stinky pinky!

  • @lolgetup ...Too Pooey True!

  • when ever u get on a bus just walk on by

  • dont u just hate when people give u thumbs up?

  • @nbuckel02 (pretty much!)

  • this is actually not a bad idea for the times you are out of tp, problem is, I am more likely to have toilet paper around rather then a bus ticket, lol

  • After I see you lick that finger can we say "clean as a whistle"

  • Oh dear god... o.O

  • stick you finger up you ass, got it!

  • @bdockfan ...The Liberace tuning method

  • i swear one day i will use this method lol............seriously

  • @sweetnoey313 ...Give me a warning after the fact... just in case you pass me a sandwich one day!

  • HAHAAAAA hilarious

  • I should have used this the day that i had no toilet paper and was stuck at home.....

  • @worldofmatttv ...It's comedy. Some people get it. Some just stare at the screen and mouth-breathe.

  • @tamiyaboy100 ...this whiner has an atrophied sense of humor.... thumbs up is you agree!

  • Some marine was describing to me how they had to do that in basic training.

  • jeeza i wouldnt want to touch the buis ticket that ur handeling. u probley do this all the time for fun and you are nasty and if im taking a poop there is toilet paper and most people check if there is toilet paper and if there is not you check for some common sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @acre221 ...Possibly, but be warned not to take comedy too serious.... or one day some VERY serious people in white coats will catch you with a big butterfly net & place you in a rubber room!

  • @offplanetfilms o im a person that dosent take stuff serious i thought u were serious llol so yea i don t take stuff serious unless u were:)

  • psh, tourists...

  • @bae296 ...you should settle down somewhere then!

  • ewwwwww

  • that's disgusting.

  • omg thts is like soooooooo grooossss!!,who wipes with their finger??,wtf,are you mental ! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWww

  • @KaitlynPoling ...It's a fictional joke video intended to provoke humorous reactions out of excitable people! ...(Nothing more, nothing less)

  • ....

  • uh... ewww!!

  • Baha Gotta Love Being a Bogan XD

  • @unsightlyHORROR True... (Although I must confess that I'm only acting Bogan to please the Bogonic Masses!)

  • Awe that's . . . perfect.

  • that's not a really good solution...TP was invented so you wouldn't make contact with feces, just use a sock or sumthn

  • this will come in very usefull. always tuck in that situation

  • stupid

  • @norsewarrior77

    Congratulations! ...you spelled it correctly!

  • Now what about the smell LMAO!!!! I know good and darn well that no one in their right mind would be dumb enough to do that and then they have to go to a job interview and shake their employer's hand and the employer notices the smell and goes "so you did the ol' bus ticket thing huh?" and they go "yeah...hehe (nervously)" and the employer goes "well.this is gonna make your day even....SHITTER...but...you dont have the job, I have all my spots filled"

    is that a bad day or what? haha :)

  • Neither your finger nor your bum will be clean with this method.

  • @PositiveNature

    One would hope that one would not seriously attempt this in the real world anyway! (It's purely a comedic video)

  • ... erm... OR! I'll use my socks and throw them away.

  • @govmarshmellows

    Yarp... except its nowhere near as interesting a concept to base a video around!

  • hehehe you went to prison yeah? ... anyway this is the only situation i could ever use that hahahah and even so maybe not !

  • @DanJonesKing

    Hell, I've never been to the place where it's unsafe to drop soap in the showers! ...It's an old WW2 bomb shelter joke!

  • @offplanetfilms oh lollll that would be really digusting in a shelter or in prison it's all the same hahaha

  • Not everyone has the same sense of humor, you know?

    Lol, but whatever, at least this video is out there to catch the attention of those who share it with you. x)

  • @NobleRoyalty

    I had absolutely no idea that everyone doesn't have the same sense of humor!

    My mind boggles with the painful revelation, and I'm off to go curl in a feotal position for several hours.

  • @offplanetfilms - Haha! Oh, come now! Try not to take it too hard!

    *tries to lure you from underneath the table with some chips* ;)

  • what the fuck is with this shit u sick twat get a fucking life

  • @andreaissocoollike

    Shhhh... keep it down... people can see how atrophied your sense of humor is!

  • hahaha....is this from personal experience?

  • dude you sicken me so much btw this is the worst video i have ever seen you jerk

  • @192gm

    Whats it like spending life wandering in the mind of a mental midget?

    ...I guess you're going to find out first hand, "dude"!

  • When in my am I gonna wipe my shit off my ass when waiting for a bus. This is by far the gayest video I have ever seen. Great job you prick

  • @192gm

    I think the real question is... When are you going to cool your little head & cease writing barely illegible gibberish on others videos? Why am I not surprised to find your channel completely devoid of any uploads of your own? My professional guess is that your video ideas would probably be as talentless as your comments!

  • When in my fucking life am I gonna take a shit when waiting for a bus then wipe my ass with my ticket. Yeah great video your stupied prick

  • "do a poo" : amazing!

  • thats fucking sick

  • well isent that just dandy

  • Yarp.

  • but i dont want to finger my ass....

  • ...You think that's bad? ...Just wait until the day when the doctor checks your prostate!

  • oh shit, i didn't think about dat! AHHHHHHH!

  • His australian accent cracks me up.

  • I use 3 shells.

  • Ah, the Stallone technique!

  • Demolition MAN!

  • what do you mean 'wipe your bum'? never heard of this before

  • What do you use to clean your anus with after defecating? ...Coloured stones?

  • @offplanetfilms...clean my anus after defecating... what an interesting concept! you aussies sure are ahead of the pack

  • Haha who would think of this.

  • Good thinking

  • This seems like a good idea till the inspector comes and asks for your ticket...

  • well, you give it to him.....der /sarcasm lol

  • ew...

  • stupid vid....

  • Congratulations! ...You are the intellectual astute giant of the day!

  • hahaha classic, I'll remember this next time I'm in a sticky situation.

  • It really comes in "handy" !!!

  • it's a pun! teehee

  • LOL

    too bad it would smell bad, bahhaha

  • xD this is by far the funniest thing i've seen today :D

  • i tried this! it doesnt work! poo gets all over my finger and it wont come off! Even if i get it off it smelt like shit!

  • It's only a band-aid until you can get to an appropriate wash station! ...Just hold back on picking your nose till you get there!

  • lolol quality

  • LMAO , wow this made my day.

    5 stars fo dirty mother fuckers.

  • Why won't you people just go with water?

    Dirty fuckers.

  • Because this video is specifically about being stuck with only a bust ticket available. "Wipe your Bum with Water" would hardly make a humorous video!

  • Your video caught my attention because our Provincial transit system (in Ontario, Canada) is called the 'GO" train or "GO' bus, I thought that was what you were referring to. LOL

    The Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) is our local transit system but they use tokens to avoid counterfeiting, Any suggestions?

    BTW, wouldn't it be easier to wipe your butt WITH the bus ticket?

  • I don't think you get enough of a "smear to surface" ratio on one bus ticket to adequately wipe properly (even using both sides) Use the finger & scrape it off with the ticket (just don't pick your nose immediately afterwards!)

    Now, wiping your bum with a token? ...It's time to probably sacrifice your underwear for the purpose instead!

  • bahah aussie humours the best we can pay our selves out n no 1 cares fukn funny shit

  • SHIT! That made my day! That was soosososososoososo funny! :D

    5/5*

    Im Auzzie so i like it heaps

  • Always refreshing to hear from someone with the intelligence & ability to get a joke ...without resorting to "wtf"'s!!

  • awesome! keep up teh great work! :D

  • O.O

  • ..Does that represent two buttholes fighting over a raisin?

  • You silly Aussies you!

  • ... what was that

  • ....a video posted on you tube.

  • I would rather sh\t my pantz

  • You can't argue with that logic!

  • did ya kno that the main reason pets became pets...yes i am going there... was to lik ones ars clean!!onc finhsd defacatng one wud simply whistl wheeew wit bend over and fido wud com runnin and proceed ta lik entirly clean onz ars.Woman usd cats this is wea the term hea puss puss came from they found that dogs wud often want a bit mor then cleanin so wman rarely usd em.farmrs usd sheep ta clean thea willys. I herd camels were gud 4 ths as well.oh saint bernards hav bg tungs.thts america folks.

  • I'm truly lost for words!

  • If i could read horid and ruined english i would be like ahh but at the moment i am like what the fuck!

  • my life is now wasted

  • Were you doing much with it anyway?

  • then suck your finger XD. Aww that was disgusting lol

  • ...but only if you've had all your hepatitis shots!

  • i think i would rather use my socks and flush them down.

  • Thats taking it all too darn seriously!

  • ah ha ha lol love all the comments here almost as funny as the video keep them coming

  • Absolutely! (This is a public service announcement)

  • hey this is how i clean my bum when i go camping and can only use one square of toilet paper! you put the little piece behind your ear!

  • it dosnt tell u how 2 wipe ur ass but it does show u how 2 clean ur fingernails

  • It TELLS you precisely how to wipe your ass... you just have to use your imagination on the tomato!

  • such...horror

  • what if I find myself in such situation without having been on a bus prior to that? (which seems far more likely) :)

  • Very true... but I guess any desperate scrap of card or paper you find would apply the same!

  • r000000fl

  • awesome shyt LOL

  • hahahah!!

    u should tell 'em about drop bears! LOL!

  • I need to google that one! (I can't recall what a "drop bear" is!!??)

  • Awesome! Im so trying that!

    Love Ur Vid~!

  • LMAO! Love it.

  • ROFL

  • this is disgusting

  • this is a harmless joke... I guess its a big old scary world for you then, huh?

  • ahaa i thought this vid was serious lol

  • I think it would be better to use your socks, or underwear. Than you don't need to touch your crap. :@

  • True, ...but a video called "Wipe your Bum on your underwear or socks" wouldn't have as much potential as a comedic video that was never meant to be taken seriously!

  • haha dude i love your sense of humour! XD!

  • És ha kérik a jegyet?

    Nem egyszerűbb hosszabb útra eltenni pár pzs-t?

    Vagy aki fosós, egy kis tekercs wc-papírt.

  • Seen it before :(

  • Press "PLAY" & see it all again !!!! :)

  • what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

  • Aw, ...I thought you had something ORIGINAL to say!

  • wtf

  • ..."White Trouser Frog"?

  • That's an old trick... My father showed me that 2 years ago /

    Régi trükk... Apa kb 2 éve mutatta nekem.