Anorexia. Struggling with restriction & exercise. Part 1

[xWillowTheBlueFairyx]

Hugs and loves for you hun x

[painfulsoulbleeding]

Thank you.

*hugs* for you too

[Sia118]

I am so glad to see you and I will do my best to support you. I am sorry things are still so difficult, and I know the whole weight issue is so painful and difficult. I have been there, and I have come through it. You can do honey. Have faith and keep talking. Muchly love xoxo

[PeerieGemzi]

Just wanted to let you know that i totally empathise with you.  i live in scotland and so know how rubbish the eating disorders services are. Priory and HUntercombe are the only clinics and you have to have a bmi of something rediculous like 13 to be admitted-or theres ANITT and all that bull.Ugh.

sorry i'm not very positive,just wanted you to know i am thinking of you.xx

[dredlockshadow]

your so veyr brave to post this i know how hard it feels to make vids but your doing a good job hope all is well xoxo

[painfulsoulbleeding]

Thank you. I find it really hard to see myself on film due to the body dysmorphic disorder. I can't bear to hear my voice so I have to mute it! But I'll keep on trying!

Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.

[Nettylouise]

Nice to see you. Please don't think you don't deserve treatment, everyone does. Especialy you. We all do. And we all hate hospitals.... Take care of yourself. Good to see you....

[painfulsoulbleeding]

Aww, thanks. Remember that YOU deserve treatment too!

[misstiggykins]

Hi Claire, first of all it's lovely to see and hear you again. I can identify with almost everything you say in this video. The main reason why I restricted and over-exercised for so many years was to feel numb. These behaviours also seemed to instil me with a sense of 'power' and 'control'. With regard to the weight (and no, I'm not triggered by others' weights), I am the same height as you and am about 13 pounds heavier. I'm still underweight. Please don't try to lose weight (CONT...)

[misstiggykins]

I guess you know all this already - and yes, it's really hard, but you need to try to find ways of coping with feelings and with life that don't involve self destruction. This is the hardest part of recovery and is where I'm at now. Do you have a therapist who you feel you can really talk to about your suicide attempts? Sometimes it's up to us to raise the question. Good therapists will recognise that suicide attempts in EDs/BPD are not attention seeking, but reflect real emotional pain....

[painfulsoulbleeding]

Thank you Cathy. Once again you seem to understand exactly what I'm going through. It helps to know that my rambling is at least making sense to you!

I do have a really good therapist, but it's difficult to have only 50 minutes a week to talk about all the things that are going on - I'm trying to deal with so much at the moment, and it's like juggling 7 balls, trying hard not to let them all come crashing down around my feet.