Louis C.K. - Nympho

[themortarandpestle]

0:25 soundin' like the Joker.

[kaakatin]

She sounds like the girl in the Exorcist.

[Ultranothing]

Why are the top comments always verbatim recitations of what was actually said in the video itself? HAHAH! I laughed at that part, but it wasn't enough to just laugh and move on. I have to also thumbs-up the guy who transcribed the particular audio segment that I enjoyed. "You're gonna rip my dick off you fucking lunatic!" Thanks, TheHouseOffice, for clarifying that for us all. I must thumbs-up your redundant, pointless secretarial work sixty-six times.

[fuzzylogic218]

Why are all the top comments shit that was just said in the video you just watched? You unoriginal bastard!

[Yaxez]

Sounds like TJ dressed as a woman

[dewsplash]

LOL I love this conversation! Are there people who actually scroll down first before they watch the video? Baahahahahahah!!!

[rhombusskullvsteal]

BANG BANG BANG!

[SirMalker]

Stop commenting on videos alltogether! - Live life in silence! - Die alone!

[Maddolis]

To say "stop posting funniest lines" implies that you've seen it done in many videos, and been spoiled many times.

A hamster would stop scrolling down before the end of the video sooner than some of these people would.

[mattycooke]

*insert joke from video* expect thumbs

[M4TTBURKE]

Dont scroll down then to read the fucking comments........

[redknight4641]

STOP LIKING THE FUNNIEST LINES IN THE COMMENTS!

[retrospectroverted]

STOP POSTING THE FUNNIEST LINES IN THE COMMENTS! Ruins it for the other watchers

[McGeezle]

@retrospectroverted IF SOMEONE SCOLLS DOWN FIRST THEN THEY FUCKING DESERVE IT SO STFU

[KaritKtana]

he's so young-sounding here, like in the restaurant clip. His voice changed, and for the better! here it just reminds me of Seth Rogen

[josh18230]

This didnt convince me. I want to find a nymph even more now.

[axelsaulean]

@josh18230 true that man, true that \m/

[charliepossenriede]

@josh18230 me too

[Kochopsticks11]

there is no 1:31 

[bigpyro1618]

@Kochopsticks11 Forever alone.

[PkersWork]

@Kochopsticks11 False.

[UtopiaMinor666]

he reminds me so much of Robert Schimmel, now that guy was funny too!

[CodyRicheson]

I'm sitting here in tears. Thanks, Louis, as always.

[mnypwrrspkt]

I say calm down 

[thSubliminalCriminal]

What special is this from? I think I GOT it but I'm not sure. Any help would be dug like a garden ya DIG!?

[Vajrayana514]

@thSubliminalCriminal Live in houston, it's a CD from 2001

[TheHouseOffice]

You're gonna rip my dick off you fucking lunatic!

[rendros88]

@TheHouseOffice Die.

[KriegerBR29]

I don't wanna fuck you anymore...I wanna go home...HAHAHAHA

[rendros88]

@KriegerBR29 Die.

[PahPutin]

This is actually pretty old material. From around 2000-1, I think.

[TsumeSlash335]

you wanna take it from here, Bambam?

BAM! BAM BAM!! BAM!

[Rocky183]

This is his testing process, he's testing out his material, you can tell 'cause the jokes aren't so well structured, but he still manages to be fucking AMAZING at it!

[YoungBrave2006]

At eighteen I could totally have fucked a woman all night long. These days I can maybe go two times or three, and then I'd probably pass out.

[Beausinklear]

@YoungBrave2006 we get it Ron ur a dude

[SislerPianoPlaya]

This guy is hogging all my favorites, every fucking time I see a vid of his I want to add him.

[KrfNYC2]

I thought I heard/saw all Louis CK stand-up...but I don't remember this. What is it from?

[jmr1021]

@KrfNYC2 louis constantly changes his standup.

[Mastersteef123]

what show is this?

[ZauXz]

@Mastersteef123 Live in houston, I believe.

[Shargrailar]

My story of relations with a true nymphomaniac are very similiar to louis.

This girl could not get enough sex. I was a soldier at the time so I would have to get up to run at 0630 and she would wake me up at 1am, 3am,5am for another go at it....It was killing me!

[Kyocera234]

the only "nympho" this shitbag has ever had was his mother and his sheep, no women would fuck this bald headed ugly assface queer.

[Frankay615]

@Kyocera234 hey hey hey, he wasn't always bald, lay off. ...just like no one fucks you.

[Kyocera234]

this guys face looks like it has dog shit smeared on it. he is obviously the offspring of a woman and a donkey.

[SuperDylanGraham]

i love louise

[MajesticMK]

Which show is this from?

[CoolerKing37]

@MajesticMK His CD "Live in Houston"

[Bakazuraz]

@RPBiohazard Especially when you can tell the comedian makes a face or does some physical comedy like: "So I was all like this!" *Audience laughs and applauds* and you just sit there like this D=

[05brassmonkey]

@RPBiohazard what's worse is if there is a different video over the standup. Animation over standup is just retarded.

[alwayzAngry]

@RPBiohazard hey its better than reading a newspaper!

[welldonefromhereon]

@RPBiohazard ummmm, its not that bad

[unopinionated]

@RPBiohazard means you can do stupid stuff like read your dumb email in a crappy internet cafe

[xJuicyfer]

@RPBiohazard Not when its this guy your listening to!

[mrgrinch09]

@RPBiohazard Not really. I grew up listening to stand up on cassettes.

[cthunishere14]

@RPBiohazard anyone else maybe but not louie

[passiveMenis]

@RPBiohazard

Lie down on a bed or sofa. If you have a laptop, put it on something that isn't your lap

[no1d]

@RPBiohazard no

[lanser87]

@RPBiohazard 136 people are retarded.

[mutedmakequiet]

@RPBiohazard

You should check out the audio-tape of George Carlin's books. Its not standup but its fuckin genius. Example: Brain Droppings by George Carlin

[hexecutioner]

@RPBiohazard not really comedy has always come out on tapes and cd's even mp3 format now.. its a standard thing... comedians do hundreds of shows and most of them are not video taped...

[antmayfield]

@RPBiohazard

nope

[demonhunterC]

@RPBiohazard it's true, you don't get the physical delivery as well when it's just audio. stand up comedy cd's are typically longer than 1 hour specials though.

[jefffawcett]

@RPBiohazard of course not. Bill Cosby, George Carlin, Bob Newhart, Steve Martin - they sold millions of albums with no video. Not to mention all the funny stuff on radio. Certain hack comedians are totally unfunny with their physical gyrations, but Louis doesn't need it. There are 42 long O&A clips with Louis on youtube, he's hysterical in all of them, no video needed.

[jefffawcett]

@RPBiohazard of course not. Bill Cosby, George Carlin, Bob Newhart, Steve Martin - they sold millions of albums with no video. Not to mention all the funny stuff on radio. Certain hack comedians are totally unfunny without their physical gyrations, but Louis doesn't need it. There are 42 long O&A clips with Louis on youtube, he's hysterical in all of them, no video needed.

[bones290]

@RPBiohazard

Try any stand-up channel on SAT radio...

[RPBiohazard]

@bones290 I meant watching a still image while listening, not just listening, my bad. Probably should have clarified.

[SmoothCollision]

@RPBiohazard

I thought i was the only one lol... His mannerisms make it all the better lol

[destined2sleep]

@RPBiohazard yes, maybe this act. But remember stand ups do release CD's, Cosby and Hicks did it, i am sure Carlin has and many more.

[RPBiohazard]

@destined2sleep I meant watching a still picture while listening. Listening through a CD or soemthing is fine.

[rissehx3]

@RPBiohazard EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE, but it seems like it really matters. :(

[tuffsy46]

@RPBiohazard no

[fishypop13]

@RPBiohazard hi

[OldMcEyeballs]

@RPBiohazard There is a long history of recorded stand-up comedy. Did you know that many of the best selling records of the 60s were live stand-up LPs? Bob Newhart, Shelly Berman, and Bill Cosby used to sell millions. Heck, more recently, Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall had multi-platinum CDs.

[cobalt100]

I knew a real nymphomaniac when I was 19. Doing it 10 times a day was not unusual. Boy I miss all that loving. I should have married her. The only thing that got in the way was that horrible thing called religion. She was Lutheran and I was not.

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@cobalt100 How Christ-like of her lol.

[thechadman1X]

@cobalt100 ur telling me you had sex with this girl all the time, and religion was the problem, that makes no sense, i mean lutheran or not, your having sex, religion was not getting in her way

[cobalt100]

@thechadman1X When it came to marriage, both my parents and her parents wouldn't budge. Either I became Lutheran or she became Catholic. It was a deadlock which ultimately prevented me from seeing her again.

[thechadman1X]

@cobalt100 well i am sorry bout the way things turned out, and i am christian i just dont like religion, but in all i hope you everythings working out for you, peace

[welldonefromhereon]

@cobalt100 humble brag

[MrMcBlue]

@cobalt100 Hey! I'm "not" too! Best religion EVER.

[cobalt100]

@MrMcBlue You might want to investigate the Freedom From Religion Foundation. They are great. They work to keep Bullshit/State separate.

[MrMcBlue]

@cobalt100 Hahaha I was actually just making a play on words/grammar/phrasing... whatever you wanna call it lol.

[MrMcBlue]

@cobalt100 But now I see that I can be interpreted in an entirely different way. Something along the lines of "GO ATHEISM!" HAHAHA Quite amusing.

[7th75thCallaghan]

@cobalt100 nice, that your opener?

[cobalt100]

@7th75thCallaghan Yes.

[yankeez99]

@cobalt100 and what about the part of religion that forbids premarital sex? lol I love how people pick and choose the shit to follow in their religion, mostly because of social pressure, should tell her that :P

[IceFried]

@cobalt100 Wow, if that's true you are retarded. Honestly. Different religion? So fucking what?

If i had a nymph girlfriend whose religion states that she must eat newborns every day, i'd still keep her as my fucking girlfriend, but you're obviously lying through your teeth just to bash on religion... fucktard.

[cobalt100]

@IceFried No, I'm not lying just to bash religion. It's absolutely true. Her name was Bonnie and she had that doe-eyed look. I couldn't keep my hands off of her. As I said she was Lutheran and I was Catholic and the Catholic Church, at that time (1965) forbade marriage to someone of another religion. We argued and her parents were adamant. They would not allow Bonnie to change her religion. The whole thing ended on a very sour note. I think about her every day.

[IceFried]

@cobalt100 Well that sucks.. i know i'd be more murderiously pissed off than sad...

[ninjajesus81]

@IceFried You don't have to lie to bash religion. Religion bashes itself.

[pseudogenesis]

@IceFried Really. So staying with a woman that eats babies is better than slandering religion? Go fuck yourself.

[IceFried]

@pseudogenesis Only if she's a nympho.

[DJstagen]

@pseudogenesis Religion is a horrible reason for anything really. I mean read the old testament and look how pissed off god is most of the time. and he supposedly loves us. Screw it. Least religious person in the family, so I'll just sit here trying to figure out why the Christians and Muslims and Islamics hate each other when their religions are SO GODDAMN SIMILAR. Seriously, they all focus on a guy who goes around and sets good examples.

And what comes of it I ask you???

Name 1 good thing.

[pseudogenesis]

@DJstagen I'm atheist, bro. I know what you're saying.

[asannder]

@DJstagen Muslims are Islamic. Islam is the religion of Muslims. There are no "Islamics" per se.... It's actually not even a word.

[DJstagen]

@asannder Yeah, I shouldn't still be on the computer at 4AM, but sleep does not come easy.

[furvert101]

@cobalt100 she was also a slut, and you would get bored with her and she would fuck other men and your relationship would get over quickly... also one reason women get fat after they're married is cause they dont need to look good for anyone else. ;) dont count on it lasting long.

[antmayfield]

@cobalt100

Nah man. You shouldn't have married her. Just keep her on speed dial haha.

[cobalt100]

@antmayfield Oh, that's hilarious. However, that was 45 years ago and there was no such thing as a speed dial.

[antmayfield]

@cobalt100 Haha a tad bit impossible to tell your tone in the first three words, which would ultimately have decided how I reply to this. All I can say in return is, should have kept a speedy carrier pidgeon for that one then.

[xomiakas]

@cobalt100 You should have converted. Religion is bullshit, so why not use it for fucking purposes?

[cobalt100]

@xomiakas Yes, you are so right. I didn't realize it at the time that religion was just a giant lie. It is amazing all the hurdles that a guy must overcome in order to soften his throbbing genitals.

[radiusxdYT]

@cobalt100 if religion was the problem and you were willing to change/be done with it, then why so urgent to marry (it is a religiously indigenous institution after all). Could have let the parents think what they want and live happy.

[cobalt100]

@radiusxdYT Neither of us were willing to change. I might add that Bonnie lived on a farm far from the city. She wanted to get away from farm life and the chores that must be done daily. Yea, I should have just ignored the religion side and married her. Haven't we all made mistakes? I kept her picture in my wallet for a long time, until one day, the woman that I was married to, found it and tore it up.

[xomiakas]

@cobalt100 Amen.

[Tetrahedragon2]

@cobalt100 SAME thing happened to m my friend, religion and all, so sad. She was otherwise perfect... *sigh* C'est la vie haha

[AlexPaincakes]

@cobalt100 Damn dude I had a girl who wanted to have sex for the third time in a row and I just couldn't anymore my dick just gave up. I applaud you for your stamina. 

[cobalt100]

@AlexPaincakes Thanks for the compliment, but it didn't really have much to do with stamina. It seems I always had an erection in her presence. I don't think we ever did it three times in a row. I had to wait about 15 minutes. But I have to tell you, sometimes this gift that the gods have given us, can be a curse.

[runemaster123654]

@cobalt100 I hear ya, My curse is I can maintain an erection and go like 10 times before I cant get it up anymore. But shit, you get friction burn, It isnt worth the "stamina"

[destined2sleep]

@cobalt100 i thought u were going to say "She was Lutheran and I found I was gay" ....

[wmotamedi]

@cobalt100 That is the best story I've heard all month.

[MrTickTickB00Mify]

@cobalt100 I know that feel man... my god it was awesome, but that type of thing, is great! for about a week. Having something awesome like that is never meant to last.

[scrambledpenis]

@cobalt100 ur an idiot!

[NigelMK]

69th like... how appropriate...

[spitball123]

louis got raped

[mikeroephonics]

Funniest *living* comedian. Saw him live, last Saturday.

[granthill50]

@mikeroephonics yeah i saw him last night in austin so funny

[fryfry377]

BANGG!!! BANNGG!!! BANNNGGG!!!

[TheRamsesII]

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!