Eddie Izzard - Machines That Lie

[choperchic24]

GLOVE DEATH

[nmegz31]

4 years and 4 dislikes...does this not prove the epicness of eddie izzard?! :D

[heterogeneoushuman]

What is wrong with this person???

[SmilyDemon13]

2 positions in the shower.

"What the Hell!"

[12seagulls]

@SmilyDemon13 -2 positions as in hot or cold - must this be explained ?

[curtdammit]

@12seagulls apparently, he's never dealt with a shower.

[BtwAwkward]

@curtdammit I think he was quoting.

[jukejuk]

izzard is a fucking genuis

[LoverofLiszt]

4 people got a ticket for double parking their arks in a puddle.

[saphirewater1]

Ronald Knox from kuroshitsuji has a lawnmower sythe. XD

[HNAxHolynovaangyl15]

@saphirewater1 Fuck yea. Kuroshitsuji respect! *hi5*

[saphirewater1]

@HNAxHolynovaangyl15 Yea!

[AkatsukiMember709]

@saphirewater1 OMG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[YuukiHyouketsu]

any one know what show this is from? i wanted to see if it was on netflix haha.

[BlueThunderFlik]

@YuukiHyouketsu Pretty sure this is Glorious.

[YuukiHyouketsu]

@BlueThunderFlik thank you! i think Glorious is on Netflix...i can watch the whole thing! yay!

[DaduBeaPau]

GENIUS!!!!

[JetLiJNR]

Oooh, Glove Death

[weinmj]

"The same people who makes toasters make showers. For they have a turny botton too that lies."

[kazekagefan]

The toast is a lie!

[tayross97]

GLOVE DEATH !

[wahinesurfergirl]

Why the fuck is there a "censored cartoons" video clip on the right-hand side? It's got no relation - at all, to Eddie Izzard's stand-up comedy in the first place. @DrShaym should sod the hell off!

[aforcevids]

2:50

Oh, for fuck's sake...

[cylobaby27]

So true, toasters LIE

[PeteWentzRocks96]

I just love Eddie's use of the phrase " turn-y button". I find him just so freakin' adorable sometimes. : )

[JyeSherwell]

"GLOVE DEATH"!

[superwout]

HEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN , " A MAP OF BELGIUM " ?

[myihc]

"All the dead people get in the bin where the grass grows"

I love his randomness!

[JackSparrow131999]

Holy crap Eddie is just f***in' amazing

[119fatty]

FUCK THREE TOAST! FOUR TOAST IS WHERE ITS AT!

[LittleInkJunkie]

When I clean out my car I get something similar to 'glove death' but with bounty bar wrappers

[RSktch]

"one nananananana no" looool

[darkharmonyjustice]

"he's your granddad too? You're my sister?" Haha!! This guy is awesome!!

[DigitalMasacrer]

"of for fuck sake..."

[LuvChocolate513]

RONALD KNOX from kuroshitsuji lol

[19Caleb90]

@LuvChocolate513 I won't lie, I was waiting for him to say chainsaw xD Lawnmower, even better!

[SorakuFett]

@snorlax42 No. Dress to Kill was made after Glorious...

[SorakuFett]

@ablaze42

[KATIEthePANDAmonkey]

Showers are made by the same people who make toasters. For they have a turney button too that lies.

XD

[DarkGothGirl3212]

first the cake is a lie and now MACHINES?!

[TheIKAT11]

3 people have wooden scissors

[Starrlett20]

Utter legend.

[snorlax42]

I just realized, the "map of Belgium" bit when he talks about glove compartments is either reused or a callback to his "Dressed to Kill" show when he's talking about the European Union. "There's a map of Belgium in here."

[alexdejong1234]

ONE Na na na na na na na na na....no

[fenturner]

Glove death

[SnareDrummer26]

I watched this while sober and i didn't really get all of it, only parts were funny, I'm watching this same video now high, and i know get everything, and it is fucking hilarious! so many hidden jokes within his jokes, so fucking genius!

[SpidersAreNotScary]

Grim Reaper? Lawnmower? .....Eddie, what are you talking about Knox for?! And Undertaker! LOL (Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler)

[DoesAngelsHaveWings]

@SpidersAreNotScary Wow, i thought i was the only one to remember Knox when he said that xP

Kuroshitsuji :D

[ZiggyZamfir]

"He's your grandad too? Are you my sister? and you're my fathers mother....?WHAT THE FUCK WENT ON IN THIS FAMILY?!?!?" lol XD

[Tinker13ee]

Yesterday I put in bread in at like 3 and it came out like 5. So then I put it back in at like half and it came out fine :S stupid toaster.....

[zutetmerde]

3 people died watching this video ---> glove death!!!

[billtangney]

Mr.Izzard has a great talent for child-like observation and is one of the few comedians who consistently can make me laugh.

[DENNNNIS1]

It's true! It is in the Bible! ... anyway, the British might have no idea on how to cook proper food, but on the other hand Italians have no idea of how to laugh at proper humor. Eddie Izzard! A round of applause ...

[Morgana0x]

I love Eddie!  I do the exact same thing with my toast as Eddie did!

[Pandorum4000]

glove death

[iloveyou9876543210]

ahhh glove death..hahahaha

[TheAkulaclass]

Toasters aaaah like toasters, they have a turny button nob thing .... And it lies to us XD

[packardian]

One position is this...andtheotherpositionisTH­IS!

[brigeisabella]

NO GRASS NO GRASS NO GRASS

[VictorianPorcelain]

WA-nanananananana... no.

[HodmoxTheCritic]

@VictorianPorcelain WA-nanananananana... don't think so!

[Readna]

Ahh... glove death.

[killerkid2005]

which concert of his is this??????... please i need to know asap!

[OriginAtrocity]

@killerkid2005 Seeing as he says: "The Grim Reaper should update! It's 1997!", it's likely that this is from his Glorious tour.

[TheJam1192]

I glove this guy!

[colleenboye]

3 people are drowning in gloves

[Cricketrugby1999]

What the fucks wrong with this family

[MadameElly]

LMAO. this guy is so funny. he can talk about the crack in the wall and it will be freaking funny. but the thing I like about him is that he is so smart. just pay attention to the details..

[starrybee10]

Toasters! Ahh, toasters are good. Like them. Like toast. Mmm.

[lordcmrlas]

@DevenDDD123 So this comment.. we meet again.

[mythmanjay]

Can't believe he didn't go on to talk about 'the portable safe - so thieves can take it home and break it at their leisure, The Portable Safe, by RONCO' (a Jeff Foxworthy bit, but 'no better flattery than imitation,' no?)

[ladywolfblood99]

how did we get from lawn-mowers to toast??

[DDRBoi02]

@ladywolfblood99 Question is how did you not follow? :P

[ladywolfblood99]

@DDRBoi02 true true ;)

[GravityGrave]

GLOVE DEATH!

[Breyerpony10]

I do the same in the shower!

[ChildOfDarkness12]

you've got a SCYTHE? what the hell is that? we've just got wooden scissors...

hahaha

[imdeaftypelouder]

It's true, it's in the bible

[scav234]

i invent a helicopter that went underwater, it was a bit of a death trap ><

[BrunetteNinja12]

In the Bath! The turney button that lies! The nano-millimeter between FANTASTICALLY HOT and FUCKING FREEZING. LOL!

[Foorythegreat]

@piggygurl44 Thx :)

[bananaman325]

black butler.

its an anime.

look it up.

[69Fujoshi69]

@bananaman325 That's exactly what I thought when he said lawn mower

[Foorythegreat]

anybody know what show this is?

[lamontlewis]

As funny as the shower scenario is, I go through it every day. It ain't funny then. That nanmillimeter is my pariah.

[dgmontrose]

Stewart Lee has ruined this for me :-(

[TinyTinyDog]

To anyone who knows Kuroshitsuji. This must be where the author got the inspiration for Ronald's lawn mower death scythe XD

[KingZydrate]

@TinyTinyDog oh christ, ddid you notic that eddie is in all red?......i wonder if he has a chainsaw....

[TinyTinyDog]

@KingZydrate XDD He probably does somewhere >w< 

[skatiedid11]

@TinyTinyDog

Exactly what i though XD

[The666dev666]

5:30

[urielover1]

glove death...

[chance437]

Lol, Wunununnunununo. Wununununun don't think so.

[doubleAAbattery7]

eating grass eating grass NO GRASS NO GRASS!

[tokifrie]

@ButterflyXSoul Holy hell that's the first thing I thought XD

[sammiecutie1]

Eddie Izzard is the only person I can watch who can say the most randomest thing that anyone can say, some random person could say "Pudding" and no one would laugh, but Eddie Izzard speaks of "Jam and radiators" and makes a whole crowd laugh...I think he has powers of some sort

[kalasnavic]

@sammiecutie1 Hes a true legend with a vivid random imagination. xD

[sammiecutie1]

@kalasnavic That he is, that he is, and I just ADORE his impressians and when he acts out the things he does XD

[DigitalMasacrer]

@sammiecutie1 He's the only superhero in the world :)

[DigitalMasacrer]

@sammiecutie1 and that is because he is a sort of "visual" stand-up comedian. He adds visual to the wordsd he mumbles, utters or screams. He's a real genius.

[AsheeshAnand]

"The ark's double parked in a puddle" love it.

[JetLiJNR]

2 people dont know the position between there...and there...

[LadyOfPurple89]

"It's got a turny-dial-knob-thing on the side... AND IT LIES TO US."

That part had me literally rolling around laughing.

[emanuelle17576]

"One position is this and the other position is THIS."

Died laughing. So true XD

[Insanitycoffee]

ButterflyXsoul@

True that. Grell always was a bit weird . . . :)

[Poppy0109]

Ahhh, glove death! xD

[TheSparrowsRevenge]

glove death XD

[kyle77792]

Gloves, death!

[Sakkura1]

Haha, "it's just an air raid, stay down"

[MrEulerRocks]

Thank you Eddie Izzard, I haven't laughed this hard in years, seriously.

[mrglemrgle10]

THE TAZOR OF DEATH screw the scythe!!

[captainkid1]

Sound is broken and so on other Izzard videos :(

[WhoOnEarthAreYou]

If the toast has already been in on 4 but is actually 3 and then is toasted again but turned up to 6 shouldn't it then come out as a 9?

[SophieandHowl4Ever]

@WhoOnEarthAreYou possibly referring to a new piece of toast and not the original 3 toast being re-toasted?

[GOPLAID]

@WhoOnEarthAreYou Are we really doing maths for toast now?

[MerchantOfMenace1]

Hmmmm, glove death? I think I found one of the greatest ways to die!

[Gribeling]

whananananananano..

whananananananadontthinkso..

[BelladonnaRLGK]

ah, no, in THE BIN. i can quote this almost totally i've watched it so many times :P

[Katw76]

@BelladonnaRLGK I'm with you, I have Glorious, Definite Article and Unrepeatable on playback in my head!!

[qrrbrbirbel2]

I laughed when he was jamming all the cutlery into the toaster, then went into hysterical laughter at "Take it and do it the bath! in the bath!" he delivers that line so well.

[securisyo]

haha, best part of eddie izzard, easylie.

[2cvsrule]

I just spat tea all over my keyboard...! HILARIOUS! :D

[Hakkai87]

Glove death!

[GOPLAID]

Death by glove!

[naturluvr15]

oh my goodness, when he was like get a lawn mower i was like OMG kuroshitsuji XD Ronald, so you listen to eddie izzard? somehow that suprises me...

[dunespeak]

@naturluvr15 XD To be honest, when he said scythes were outdated, I was expecting him to say a chainsaw for some weird reason... then I was like "Nooo... That would be ridiculous... Death using a chainsaw?" No, no, a lawn mower works much better. XD

[HikariInSuicideland]

@dunespeak

Yes that would be awesome

"Hello I'm death I have come to take your soul *starts up chainsaw*" XD

[ElveeKaye]

@dunespeak How about one of those big fuckin' harvesting combines they use in the fields? "Greetings, I am Death! Please line up in orderly rows. Hurry up! There's, like, a million of you and I don't have all bloody day, you know!"

[dunespeak]

@ElveeKaye XD OH goodness... Now, THAT'S scary. XD

[McCormickAnimation]

Normally I watch standup and do that little "heh" chuckle when somethings funny, but I literally had to press pause just to start breathing again!

[GANJAxxTHExxCURE]

Between there....and there (no movement)

1 nanomilimeter between FANTASTICLY HOT and Fuking freezing.. LMAO XD

[wrestlingdog]

The thing with the showers is so, so true. Also the thing with crazy turns on the lawn mower. I do think everyone's dad did that.

[dexdex1560]

FIFTY SIXTY PARS OF GLOVES!!!

[TheFantomRogue]

Superb

[KaraResuFox]

2 people need to get in the bin. 

[TheBlueorigami]

He's absolutely right about the shower. So true. xD

[lyamainu]

Hard to believe this is ten years old. :D

[sme1ems]

HA NA NA NA NA noo

[harrytwood]

lolzez

[Minty210]

The lawnmower bit, the granddad bit, the toaster bit and the shower bit: all too true o.o (Have I left any bits out? ^^)

[CelticCellist]

he likes women, he just likes their clothes, too

[FireSinger]

Do it in the BATH IN THE BATH IN THE BATH

[cbrandom]

Is he gay? Or just fabulous?

[vazette]

@cbrandom Just fabulous. Or self-described "male lesbian".

[VicariouslyCurious]

@cbrandom Both.

[krantz0808]

@cbrandom He's an "executive transvestite". He's straight and just likes to wear whatever he wants. And he is FABULOUS. And AWESOME.

[Copper4head]

"Ugh! Glove death."

[TrojanPridee]

haha omg this is so true!

"toasters have a knoby thing too, and it LIES!"

[rlm4evr]

glovedeath!!! I actually went up to my math teacher said GLOVEDEATH!!!!........then ran like HELL!!!!

[xXBloodyRomance96Xx]

@rlm4evr lol i've done that too! And my teacher actually knew what i was talking about!!

[Ahni17]

i just about died of laughter at the shower bit :D

[akiga12]

One nanomillimeter between FANTASTICALLY HOT and FUCKING FREEZING.

[TheZorgon42]

glove death!

[Draggo548]

this made me lol so hard XDDD

[Namaechan]

I think you'll find death HAS upgraded. Death notes xD

[greyeyeblindmind]

But who disliked this ? .. 1 on 221.

[JackyRowe]

@greyeyeblindmind seriously, my mouse slipped!!! i'm so bloody sorry, but there's no way of getting it back!

IT'S MY FAULT, EVERYONE!! can't believe i fucked up what would have been an immaculate record!

[greyeyeblindmind]

@JackyRowe I am sorry for you, I really am. ... or was that just a series of typos, a series of horrible typos...Oh, and my mouse slipped. (just as I was gonna press cancel before posting).

[JackyRowe]

@greyeyeblindmind shit, ain't it? i feel really bad too!!

[greyeyeblindmind]

But who disliked this ? ..

[ultamentgear183]

WUNNunununununununo

[MediasNotFoolingMe]

one person died a glove death

[The2Captains]

GLOVE DEATH!!! <3

[midnightblackfire]

one person has never made toast.

[PrincessKiara2811]

Soo funny. One micro metre is the difference between fantastically hot and f$&king freezing ....... Lol

[CharmedFreak1329]

the lawn's even bigger grandad!!

[Goingwiththewind]

One person was laughing too hard and missed the like button on this. :3

[blink1821986]

The best part is the part where he goes the only part of the shower we want is between there and there not even a micro millimeter between fantastically hot and fooking freezing I seen it about 3 years ago for the first time and I still lmao when I see it

[RainyDayzHD]

AHHH glove death XD

[AzeyAze]

1 nununununnun no