Portal 2 - Cave Johnson's Lemon Rant

[ThexWildx0ne]

This is why Cave Johnson is the shit.

[926Bren]

When MTV gives you Jersey Shore, don’t watch it! Make MTV take the show off! Get mad! I don’t want your damn guidos, how are they supposed to be entertaining? Demand to see MTV’s manager! Make them rue the day it thought it could give America Guidos! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn their house down! With my TV! I’m gonna get the mob to to make a combustible TV that burns their house down!

[Berserkenstein1]

You did what‽

[zoraxbrooks]

I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN RATINGS, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE(trippple innterobang)!?!?!?

[MrShinyCadilackness]

@zoraxbrooks +1 for using the word "interrobang". -1 for spelling it incorrectly.

[zoraxbrooks]

@MrShinyCadilackness dammit, it was on the fly...

[Axitica]

Yes! Take the lemons!!

[Bonovasitch]

So this is why the Earl of Lemongarb always finds everything in UNACCEPTABLE CONDITIOOOOON!

[GONMART1998]

NADA DE ´PONERLE BUENA CARA PONLE CARA DE ASCO CABREATE

[MerlinAmbrosius17]

This kicks the holy living crap outta "Arrow in the knee" as memes go, but then again the Cave Johnson stuff is deliberate, witty, calculate comedy, not just something bored, unwashed, stoned-out-of-their-gourd teenagers and lifeless 4chan enthusiasts find funny.

[TwiIight0ne]

@MerlinAmbrosius17 How would this even work as a meme?

[woopa2121]

@MerlinAmbrosius17 Put this into a meme. note all meme has short quotes. THis is fuckin long but funny.

[LWSrocks2]

@woopa2121 The phrase "combustible lemons" is already a meme.

[ExpelliarmusMe]

‎"I'm gonna get my ENGINEERS...." hint, hint, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

[Wingweaver09]

This is what wakes me up every morning.

[chaostitanium]

Picture all the way on the right? Voldemort

[KiWeeKW]

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE A LEMON PARTY

[CthulhuDarkLord]

This is seriously rather profound, this is how people should be, dont sit back and eat those lemons, GIVE THEM BACK! Seriously!

[GoombaGuy814]

If I get 50 likes I will shout GET MAD in the middle of a huge mall

[cloverkong]

@GoombaGuy814 Dude if i get 25 I'll shout "I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!"

[GoombaGuy814]

Cave johnson after watching "The Power Within" from Spongebob

[TheRancor44]

Ok then... make Jarate and give it to Cave *trollface*

[grevious437]

lemon ragequit

[mmaier2112]

WTF?

[ryanell666]

J.Jonah Jameson is mad as hell and he's not gonna take it anymore.

[WereBeNzO]

@immadrunkpimp COMBUSTIBLE LEMON!!!!!!!!!!! *Burning sounds*

[W3R3W00F]

This deserves a Drumstep remix.

Oh wait, YAY!!! :D

[Kdunkham]

That was the best chocolate milkshake ad EVER

[tricksterhuaun]

He seems to have a past with lemons

[BioniKyle]

"When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Make life hand the lemons back! Get happy! I want your darn lemons! Imagine what I can do with these! Ask to talk with Life's manager, make Life LOVE the day it gave Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna fix your house up! With the lemons! I'm going to have my engineers invent a construcable lemon to FIX YOUR HOUSE UP!"- Cave Johnson Misquote

[blueragebarz1111]

@BioniKyle why do comments like these get so many thumbs...fucking dumb...

[DyGenKaiser]

You want explosive Lemons? Grow them in China.

[tricksterhuaun]

Portal always has such awesome characters.

Glados, Wheatley, Cave Johnson, even the turrets (and the defective ones)

[heydanmon]

i loved this part.

[sladikk]

Calm down, old man...

[adityaindia93]

When life gives you lemons, SHOVE THEM UP A BEAR'S ASS

[kirbyis4ever]

When life gives you lemons, BURN LIFE'S DAMN HOUSE DOWN.

[NegaZxyz]

How did black mesa ever beat this guy without getting there houses burned down by the lemons?

[OlympianLP]

I wanted him to continue his Lemon rant for SO much longer.

[guestuser2468]

"Yeah!

YEah!

YEAH!

YEAH! TAKE THE LEMONS!

YEAH!

Oh, I like this guy

BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!

Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!!!!" - GLaDoS

[darealzpimp]

alright ive been thinking when life gives you lemons, dont make lemonade make life take the lemons back GET MAD! i dont want ur damn lemons,what am i supposed to do with these!?! demand to see lifes manager! make life rue the day, it thought it could give cave johnson lemons! do u know who i am! im the man who's gonna burn your house down,with the lemons! ima get my engineers to invent a combustable lemon that burns ur house down *cough wheeze cough* R.I.P-Cave Johnson

[m777browny]

who shoved a lemon up ur butt dude??? lmao so funny

[CradleOfFilthCultist]

2 People got their house burned down.

[georgepaddon1996]

If I get 50 thumbs up i'll invent a combustable lemon and BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!

[Manonthe3up]

At 0:19 you hear him almost lose it and laugh, but he recovers like a pro.

[ebfjzfiibg]

when life gives you lemons, take them and squirt them back in lifes eyes because life is a cunt

[grandestmarquis]

2 people had their houses burned down with combustible lemons

[theothercrackb0ne]

When valve gives you crates dont buy keys, GET MAD, MAKE VALVE TAKE THOSE CRATES BACK, IM THE MAN THATS GONNA BURN GABES HOUSE DOWN, WITH A CRATE, A COMBUSTIBLE CRATE

[russianspy52]

best motivational speech ever

[DawnsAvarice]

Dont make lemonade! Make a lemon-nade!

[toystorybullseye16]

so, I've been thinking when life gives you lemons,Don't make lemonade!!!!!make life take the lemons back,I DON'T WANT YOUR DANG LEMONS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE!?!?!?!,demand to see life's manager,make life rue the day that it thought that it could give Cave Johnson lemons,DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!??!I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN,with the lemons i'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna burn your house down!!!!!!!!!!!

[Napoleonwolflikia]

lol at the end with his coughing fit. XD

[7pulford]

YEAH! BURN PEOPLE! - He says what we're all THINKING

[immadrunkpimp]

Lemon + Grenade = LEMONADE :D

[WereBeNzO]

@immadrunkpimp COMBUSTIBLE LEMON!!!!! *Burning Sounds*

[DietPepsi19970]

@immadrunkpimp grenades dont burn things though :(

[s4muraib3b0p]

@immadrunkpimp If that's a gmod item reference then I love you.

[ComGenSolDieR]

@immadrunkpimp Combustible Lemonade: technabob . com/blog/2011/06/02/combustibl­e-lemon-props-portal-2-cave-jo­hnson/

[TheSunCaughtFire]

combustible lemons! yeah!

[LightArrow35]

FOR LIFE!

[LightArrow35]

When Life gives you lemons MAKE LEMONADE! You are going to enjoy these lemons! Be happy we even gave you these lemons! YOU WANT MY DAMN LEMONS! Life's Manager? LIFE'S MANAGER? Who ever said YOU got to even THINK about Life's Manager! Life will make you rue the day you tried to give the Lemon's back! Do you know who I am!? I'm the entity that's going to burn your Laboratory to the ground! WITH THE LEMONS! MY ENGINEERS WILL INVENT A COMBUSTIBLE CAVEJOHNSON, TO TEACH WHELPS LIKE YOU, RESPECT.

[TheLanimation]

Who is even saying this in the game?

[1shadowfan]

@TheLanimation Cave Johnson, founder and (dead) owner of Aperture.

[morrin22]

Thank You

[DEMSMLP]

EVERY

VILLAIN

IS

LEMONS!!!

[monochromidxliquid]

Oh yes mustard! That'll do... Mustard? Don't let's be silly. Now lemon, that's different...

[LegoMovieMan44]

Not get mad, get EVEN.

Like how "Black Mesa" did!

[LegoMovieMan44]

Not get mad, get EVEN.

[Scweeb64]

HE SAID WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!

[Metadragon142]

What a great lesson to live by. " I DONT WANT YOUR DAMN LEMMONS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?!" lol

[PizzaVideos555]

Every year, millions of people die due to combustable lemons that burn their house down. Join aperture science and help use make a safe combustable lemon at aperturescience(dot)com

[JesseUscot]

The Turret purchases have been decreased due to the release of Combustible Lemons.

[unkwonstudios]

Turret:  Get Mad....Dont Make Lemonade

[NerdyLlamaFarmer]

CAVE JOHSON FOR PRESIDENT

[garrysmodmoviemaker1]

This will now be my life motto.

[Artardism]

2 people had their houses burned down :P

[AbsolutelyCharged]

I don't want your lemons! I want pictures! Pictures of Spiderman eating lemons!

[AdmiralZhao007]

PAAAAARKERRR!

(He's voiced by J.K. Simmons)

[mickiblay1]

@AdmiralZhao007 I THOUGHT he sounded familiar! For a second, I thought he also voiced Bill (L4D) 'cause he had that older husky tone to his voice..... But, alas, I fail at telling who is who....

*Clap. Clap. Clap*

GLaDOS! WTF?!  No slow clapping! DX

[immortal4hm]

DX

CUTE! n.n

[mickiblay1]

@immortal4hm lol

[DarKnightofCydonia]

When God gives you lemons, you FIND A NEW GOD

[thatonefish]

tell GLaDOS to stop saying yeah

it scares me, just saying

[vampiredestroyer321]

2 people made lemonade...

[SRMTHFGLover1]

Cave Johnson Rules 8D

[johnjobf]

LEMO'NADE™

[mrVault34]

It was much better with that horror background music.

[Pokeblox45]

YEAH

[Jalozyin]

Hey's saying what we're all thinking!

[MrEriklenn]

he's saying what we're all thinking!

[RossWyatt]

Combustible lemons here, $0.50 a lemon!!!!

[RubberDuckCrazy]

2 people had their houses burnt down by the lemons.

[MrCatbat62]

Then Glados had an potatorgasm

[ShinySilverBullet]

2 people had their houses burned down..........with the lemons!

[majordave33]

Little known fact: Cave Johnson is an actual person. He was a Democratic U.S. Congressman from Tennessee.

[Bianaryexistance]

Come on people! He's saying what we're all thinking!

[dethmatal22]

I love Glados' reactions

[IanEduardoMeneses]

"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! *COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH*"

―Cave Johnson

[invaderzimfan97]

@IanEduardoMeneses

potaDOS: YEAH

YEAH

i like this guy

[VitaumM22]

GET MAD!!

[cloner8o]

I'll invest in this product. I've got somethings that need burning...

[TheGreatMightyPoo1]

I love how the "Different Turret" quotes this guy.

"GET MAD" and "Don't make lemonade" sounds so good with that innocent voice they have.

[NoobTheMuncher]

Combustable lemons=new pyro weapon

[lostinpowers]

I don't want your damn lemons, I want Spider-Man!!!!

[airbendingavatar1]

@SairCowbell Or maybe he'll end up knocking over a stand of lemons with airbending!

[FTAization]

press 7 for the lemons

press 6 then 8 for "im the man whos gonna invent a combustable lemon"

[TheHumanspartan]

Oh I like this guy

[Kittykatkiddo101]

OKAY GUYS!

NO MATTER WHAT...

DO NOT GIVE CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS...

cause i like my house..

and you should too

[BPTARO]

Can we get this as a ringtone for the cellphone?

[CHOSENMARINE]

"I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMD LEMONS!" That's my new catch phrase...

[Neocrater]

Confirmed for boss of Portal 3.

It'd be totally easy to add him in, his mind was half added to a personality core, and he died midway, and he takes all the other cores for extra brain, and BAM crazy robo Cave Johnson.

[weshouldhaveshotguns]

"Erectin' a combustible lemon!" - Cave's Engineers.

[SairCowbell]

Just think...for anyone who's a fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender *Spoilers*

This guy is gonna be playing the son of Aang and Katara.

I expect a rant on cactus juice and I wanna GET MAD!

[PyroSirBrad]

@SairCowbell Daughter*

[helghastnl]

I DONT WANT LEMONS I WANT PIC PIC OF SPIDER MAN!

[Grebnedlog55]

All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade, make life take the lemons back. Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down. With the lemons. I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

[Davealapoo]

is this the same guy who played J Jonah Jamison?

[Marsuvee]

@Davealapoo From Spiderman? If so. Yes. Also for future reference. IMDB works amazingly for finding out who actors/voice actors are. :3

[MrTato99]

2 people suffered the consequences of giving lemons to Cave Johnson

[mabiniss2]

Don't make lemonade.

[fredfredfredburger44]

" I don't want your damn lemons! what am I supposed to do with these?" is now my new tone for whenever I get a text.

[Wolvster007]

One person actually likes Lemonade ^^

[Spiritplumber]

1 person is Wheatley.

[Reshiram643]

1 person is Life. And his house is about to get burnt down. By Cave Johnson. With lemons.

[GracefullyExpensiveK]

@Reshiram643 The other person is Wheatley.

[Craziness714]

I'm listening to this before my cycling race Saturday cuz it gets me pumped.

[dannzo29]

0 people are.. wait, there are no dislikes!

[dannzo29]

O people are.. wait, there are no dislikes!

[supersaxophone1]

I want this guy to be my High School's principal.

[GoneDead3]

Glados orgasm

[TonyMan4Ever]

i watched it in 1080p

[hosepumpchao]

Well, at least the dislike bar hasn't been burned by combustible lemons.

[96crisadi]

Lemon + Grenade = Lemonade

[mafiamanj15]

"Burning people, he's saying what we're all thinking!"

[DiamorsX]

I love how the first picture of him looks like Andy Griffith.

[Talanuel]

"Demand to see life's manager!" - I'm sorry, but that would be you, Mr. Johnson.

[Canama139]

Lemons = SERIOUS BUSINESS

[Rikushix]

Maybe it was just me but when this played during Portal 2 I thought it sounded really sad. As you progress upwards chronologically through the test spheres and Cave gets sicker and sicker, this just sounded like a desperate cry for help with a failing organization. Really powerful.

[MrRyanNovak]

@Rikushix I thought the same thing. It kind of felt like he was using the lemons as a metaphor for his Moonrock Poisoning. When he says things like..."Make life give the lemons back!", "What am I supposed to do with these?!" and "Make life rue the day it gave Cave Johnson lemons!". I just felt so bad for him. Sure, he was a partially insane son-of-a-bitch; but he was a smart guy. And he didn't deserve to die from Moon Rocks. No one does. :'(

[XLrLNoOdLE]

@Rikushix Yeah, while it is pretty funny, and that is how most people will see it, it also shows how sick hes getting, and the amount of dementia he is experiencing. Although... He did turn peoples blood into peanut water... And sold shower curtains... Hmm...

[spacehelmetforacow]

@XLrLNoOdLE And he has mercury poisoning from trying to make poisonous shower curtains to kill the head of the US Navy (as revenge for the Navy being the only part of the military that didn't buy shower curtains from Aperture).

I think he was crazy long before then, though.

Although considering the fact that Aperture created an interdimensional gate gun (while trying to make a better *shower curtain*, no less!), I think Cave could probably actually get Incendiary Lemons if he really wanted to.

[AJK200001]

BURNING PEOPLE! HE SAYS WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!

[M30W3R]

I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA TAKE PICTURES OF SPIDER MAN

WITH THE LEMONS

[PolarityArt]

It sounds like he laughs at 0:20.

[M30W3R]

This man should be president of the United States.

[ElectroAde]

@M30W3R If he wasn't dead he would be.

[superconor13]

umadcave? lol

[Anonomous0C]

Ooo I like this guy.

[WOLOwner1]

I DONT WANT YA DAMN LEMONS!!

[seckel06]

Where is the god damn remix?? There should be hundreds of it online now :<

[AgentUsajr]

LEMONS....I DON'T WANT LEMONS I WANT PICTURES....PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!!!

[TheZomgStuff]

EP3 Spoiler: Borealis' secret weapon is actually a strategical pack on Cave Johnson's combustible lemons, that can be used against the combine to burn down the citadels!

[donttouchmycar]

HE MAD!

[mafiamanj15]

"Burning people! He says what were all thinking!"

[ursacoop]

love how it's the exact size to be a ringtone

[dragonmekill]

@ursacoop This IS my ringtone, and when I get a text "BECAUSE IM A POTATO" -- thought you should know.

[ShinChan56798]

@ursacoop I made it my ringtone.

[TheBlazzer12]

@ursacoop Wish it could be =D

[Shoes742]

@ursacoop pls tell me how to make this into a ring tone

[Marsuvee]

@Shoes742 If you got a smart phone just figure out how to get a mp3 of this. If not get the mp3 and try phonezoo.

[charlietherealcat]

@ursacoop you can look on google and find a site where you can turn youtube audio into a ring tone

[MrCreatordude]

I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN, WITH THE LEMONS!

[starwars96]

A friend at school came up to me and said 'lemons'

As I burst into laughter, he said this entire rant. XD

[VaativonRagnas]

Burning People! he say what we're all thinking

[roxasora888]

Erectin' a combustible lemon capable of burning a house down.

Spy sappin' mah lemon

[superspy6]

Its nice to see him though the years, nice image

[Iceindra]

YEA! TAKE THOSE LEMONS! BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!

[peepeevagi]

@Iceindra TAKE THE LEMONS! UNF UNF UNF UNF.

[zachi033]

@Iceindra Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!