a villanelle - Imagine

[DoorsChick1967]

This piece is somber without being overwhelming. I like the word arrangement, one can see that each word was picked carefully to convey the strength of the piece, great work!

[dashpoet]

@DoorsChick1967 Thank you! I think this is my favourite of the villanelles I have written, the repeated lines are strong enough to carry through the poem.

[DjABBlends]

wow, what an awaking poem, i was working on a vilanelle poem about a week ago, and it took me about 2 hours to write it down, but it was not good, but your is quite picturable, i can picture the words in my mind, keep up the great work

[dashpoet]

Great comment to receive, thank you. This was the first villanelle I wrote. I enjoyed fitting my thoughts into such a tight framework: it made me think! I have written a few more since, a couple finished recently that I will probably post soon as spoken-word. If you start with a pair of lines that say enough, have lots of rhymes, then the poem can fall into place. With eight syllables per line, once you get into the rhythm, you can find the best words to shape. It does take time though to tweak!

[DrStrangelove346]

An example of exaggeration is in the line "emerging from the depths of war"

[dashpoet]

Thanks again for such detailed comment! Season's greetings to you..

[DrStrangelove346]

The poem itself is very elegant. Your delivery, however, does not do it justice. A poem should not be read line for line or foot for foot. There is too much emphasis on the individual iambs; it must be read with a natural pace rythm rather than an overexaggerated duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH.

[dashpoet]

Such criticism is refreshing, helpful - thanks for taking the time to comment DrStrangelove. I'm glad you appear to like the poem, regardless of my mangling ways!

[scavengermouseful]

well its interesting to note that some poets that forego mixing up the rhyme scheme on the verses when they have the option to on a villanelle can still make a good villanelle, I suppose mixing up the rhyme scheme might throw a villanelle off course, I will hope to produce good villanelles, your villanelle was great,

I mean speaking from a poets perspective it was inspiring

[dashpoet]

Great to hear from you, glad you found something here to inspire! Thank you for letting me know.

[xxxild]

Never heard of a villanelle. Really enjoyed and glad I found your channel.

[dashpoet]

I only came across them recently, through another poet on YouTube. This was my first attempt, I've written a few now, most of them are now on YouTube. Thanks xxxild.

[keanghiero]

well done.

A Villanelle is a very difficult form.

I have wrote a few knowing it should rhyme.

5*

all the best.

Kean

[dashpoet]

Thanks again Kean. This was my second attempt at writing a villanelle. I have to say I enjoyed the discipline of writing to the tight form, it's something I'm sure I'll return to. Cheers for now, Mark.

[keanghiero]

we can have a long debate on the Villanelle Form. I've a LOVE-Hate affair with my villanelles...

5* again

all the best

Kean

[NewBrazdolph]

love rhymes...

[dashpoet]

You're in the right place then! Cheers Braz, good to hear from you.

[andrewnorris1]

Excellent example of a villanelle, not an easy form but one you pulled off with great dexterity, great!

[dashpoet]

Terrific positive comment, thank you andrewnorris, it's good to hear from you.

[quodlibette]

This is such a comforting poem, for those who find themselves sick of humanity from time to time.

What a beautiful form the villanelle is, and you've filled it with rich matter. Thank you.

[dashpoet]

I'm glad whenever there is comfort to be taken from my words. I am an optimist by nature, but even so struggle sometimes to retain a positive outlook, overwhelmed as we are by gushings of grim tidings. Ultimately, though, I do believe that love is stronger than hate, I do believe we have a future worth living for, worth the struggle. It will be different, but that is only natural! Thanks, quodlibette.

[AntaresInScorpius]

I love the words you came up with for this piece and the imagery of it.. I am not familiar with the "traditional" forms of poetry(or maybe have just forgotten them from my school days), so it is nice to hear this from you!!

[dashpoet]

Thank you. I have only just come across this form of poetry, as I noted in the 'info' box. I have never been a student of poetry, but always one who enjoys learning. I look forwards to exploring more over time, and sharing what I can.

[DoorsChick1967]

Brilliant, if I could only master the form as well as you do. Every word flows together, the mood is constant and even.

[dashpoet]

Perhaps we can learn from each other. I am very taken with what I have heard of your poetry, the way you combine your experience with such variety of styles. Thanks, DoorsChick.

[PoetLina]

Thank you for this villanelle. Just got back from a weekend in Belgium. It would be wonderful to imagine that each of those flowering poppies represented a smile.

[dashpoet]

Hard, if not impossible. The horror of war is too much for too many. Yet still...

[ExaggeratedElegy]

Hey Mark,

A villanelle! Monstrously ambitious poetic form; I always find myself somewhat intimidated by it :) You've managed it beautifully, however. It reminds me a great deal of the famous war poet pieces (Dulce Et Decorum Est, etc), but with a subtle hint of hope that, understandably, many of those lack. Beautiful work, favourited.

George

[dashpoet]

Somehow though, it seems to suit me to write to a fixed form. I know when to stop! I have only just discovered this, the villanelle. Usually I develop and employ my own structures, usually simply from the initial thoughts, the first lines. I'm sure that exploring more of the traditions of poetry will play a part of how I approach writing in future. Thanks George.

[personalimagery]

I was already dizzy when I saw "metamorphic allegory", just now. now now, I'm thinking of language visualization. and I will sleep now, 'cause I have to find a few guiding images... love the poems. thank you.

[dashpoet]

Ah yes, Metamorphic Allegory! That was fun to write... got a lot out of me, that otherwise might have simmered! Thanks so much for letting me know your thoughts on what I do.

[BahenaD]

"a ravaged face that yet does smile"

I love how you repeated this line.

I see myself in this piece.

Deep & beautiful!

The tranquility in your voice always works with your spoken Words. Where do you get it from?(=

[dashpoet]

From my mum and dad?! From life. From the focus that poetry brings to me, in a frenzied world. Who knows... I am simply glad that, in sharing what I do, I can give something that seems to be appreciated. Thanks Bahena.

[nafisaahmedidotcom]

From life, yes indeed that's the starting point for fundamental inspiration, I was talking to my friend about this the other day.

Another excellent poem Mark, great rhythm, expression I love the rhyme too, lovely too hear, 5*.

[BahenaD]

That i'll do it to you. Thank you Dash, you always bring a smile to my face...

[ASAngelo]

Well done Dashpoet!! Though the form is more traditional, you sustain your own originality, vitality and colour. Love the ending line "a ravaged face yet does smile."

I have been attempting to smile more lately. So here's a smile for ya!

=)

you inspire sir!

Angelo

[dashpoet]

:>) :-) :¬)

Now you've got me at it! Happy happy, to receive such positive reaction to my poetry. Thanks Angelo.

[longhairred]

Very powerful imagery!

[dashpoet]

From an intense session of writing, trying to condense thought into such rigid form. Best wishes to you, Mark.

[santiagodevill]

I like the way you rime :)

and I like the poem :) 5* and one extra smilely face :) lol.

[dashpoet]

Thanks for that Santiago...

five high...

five low...

too slow!

[TheRavenOfPoe]

My first introduction to the villanelle form and my love for the sound and combining of different words means it appealed to me greatly! I look forward to checking out some of TheDisexists work too :)

[dashpoet]

Glad to be a part of it, thanks Raven. I look forwards to seeing if you write some yourself...

[ozjthomas]

a ravaged face that yet does smile

well done, Mark

[dashpoet]

I am tempted to use the shorthand ;-) here for the first time! Thanks oz

[EllyMcCormack]

This is really wonderful. Good meter.

[dashpoet]

Thanks Elly, I'm pleased with how it turned out. I'm glad I posted it.

[EdMuirton]

Dark images come to mind! Strong stuff Dash! Most enjoyed Sir! Cheers Mark!

[dashpoet]

Thanks Ed. As ever, it's good to hear what you have to say. Cheers!

[TheDisexists]

wow! glad to be of inspiration & thank you for the exposure. I find strict verse forms immensely pleasurable to work with because they constrain and distill the essence of thought, while providing that all important quality of rhythm.

As I said before, this is your glass half full poem, two fingers in the face 'of those who would destroy my brothers'. cheers

[dashpoet]

Thanks... and thank you. I hope more people will find and enjoy your work. Cheers!

[violetparme]

very powerful, slightly perturbing.Please write more, Dashpoet!

[dashpoet]

Thanks Violet. I think war is always perturbing, but there seems no getting away from it...

[charlottepoet]

mark, i have written a lot of villanelles, or attempts at them, and yours actually works :) the way you use repetition and rhyme feels very natural and as other posters were saying, you show why forms have a place still :)

[dashpoet]

Thanks Charlotte, I'm glad you think so. I'm afraid I am no student of poetry, more an instinctive writer with a love of language. I only discovered the form yesterday. Writing this, though, has intrigued me enough to look further at traditional forms. I wonder whether you have posted any on your channel?

[charlottepoet]

i haven't posted any of the formal poems i have done, but maybe for my video next week i'll try to do one :)

you should pick up writing metrical poetry by baer sometime. some fun exercises in there..what form to pick for next week..hmmm

[dashpoet]

I look forwards to it... poetry and learning both. Thanks for getting back - cheers!

[harleynanda]

Another wonderful composition, Mark. Your subtleties of craft are refined; your wordage both concise and excellent to the meter, and creating vivid imagery (lines 7 and 9 the fine examples) and compound depth. Your first refrain invites the casual, the second takes its advantage to stark counterpoint. Your first and second stanzas taken together imply not the noble survivor, but the twisted and paradoxical death mask on the face of a corpse in macabre irony, a wonderful ...

[harleynanda]

(cont'd) ... subliminal emotional support to the piece. This is fine poetry my good friend, and a great example of why forms such as this took shape and remain important. The more of your work I become familiar with, the more am I impressed and the more I learn. And on that point, thank for pointing out yet another poet in your sidebar.

[dashpoet]

I am greatly touched that you should go to such length in critique of my poem. Until I started posting pieces on YouTube, I had worked essentially in isolation as a poet. I can learn a lot from comments such as yours, and I appreciate you taking the time, giving the thought you clearly have. Thank you. I tend to try to create layers of meaning in my poetry, and am thrilled to find that people are discovering the range of what is there.

[PaulBradford13]

I don't know who this is about, if anyone, other than me. Why do I relate to every word? maybe because I have "a ravaged face that yet does smile". I don't know.

5 *****

[dashpoet]

Ha! Although it is about no one in particular, simply a face of humanity, I confess I caught a look at myself in the video, saw some of the ravages of time! Being the type of person I am, I had to laugh! I see us all as the survivors, the ones who have got away with 'it'... so far.. we are the lucky ones.

[PaulBradford13]

I agree. Even if I get "caught" now, it was a good run.

love your writings Mark!

[dashpoet]

Thanks Paul - cheers to you.

[PuppyZwolle]

Reading a poem with a dictionary in hand is kinda spoiling the sleight of words of sultry swooshing sounds

in sweet sad sonnets or villanelles .

It is like a song on the radio

where I never really understood the lyrics

but still can taste the quality.

This is a robust red wine I yet have to fully appreciate.

[dashpoet]

Thanks for giving it a go! I hope that the words give enough of a flavour, without needing to know all their names. I always try to find words that can give pleasure simply from their sound, the shapes they form together. I hope you got a sense of what I tried to express through this, anyway. (The text is in the info panel, if a time comes when you want to check up on any of it.) I appreciate your comment, thanks again.

[PuppyZwolle]

You bet I did get a sense. The tune is unmistakable.

[dashpoet]

Great! Thanks for getting back to me.

[ninapoetry]

Ome of your best.. and I agree with marycigarettes. Favourited :)

[dashpoet]

Thanks Nina. I never know when I will be able to write poetry, so it is always something of a surprise, a relief even, when something decent comes out. As long as they do, I'll keep posting them! Good to hear from you - cheers!

[tinySpectacle]

What an excellent pome. And you did a wonderful job with this form. You make the form work FOR you while form usually makes me her bitch. :)

[dashpoet]

A comment that made me laugh... thanks for that! I think perhaps, because a lot of what I write follows quite a tight form, albeit unconventional, that I take to this sort of thing fairly readily. I guess in a hectic life it can be a relief to have some order - perhaps this is mine!

[janeczka]

Great rhythm. I'll check that form out!

[dashpoet]

I just googled 'villanelle' and, as you can imagine, immediately had the form defined for me. I enjoyed working to it, there is scope for all sorts of word play. My first try ended up more of a nonsense poem, although I have to say I like it none-the-less! I'll post it sometime. I look forwards to hearing what you come up with, as and when you decide to give it a go. Cheers!

[liz1060]

Very well done, Mark -- the structure is unstrained, the subject meditative -- "the ravaged face that yet doth smile" seems a poem all on its own!

[dashpoet]

Thanks Liz. It is an evocative image I think, certainly as soon as it came to me I thought there was a poem in it. Lovely to hear from you - cheers!

[twohawksfucking]

This is a tremendous poem, Mark. My advice--for what it's worth--find a print magazine to send this one to. It deserves much attention. Gorgeous poem.

Gave me chills...

Roy

[dashpoet]

Thank you Roy - that is a very generous and encouraging comment. I have just received an email from United Press (who have published several of my poems in anthologies), inviting entry into this years National Poetry Anthology Competition. I think I'll stick this one in, and see what happens. Your comment is always appreciated - I know you as an exceptionally able poet - so again, thank you.

[marycigarettes]

i love the main thrust of the thing...'the ravaged face that yet doth smile'....that's a very strong picture mark

[dashpoet]

Thanks mary. The two principle lines came to me quite quickly, the time was taken stitching them into the overall pattern!

[RowanFortuneWood]

An impressive use of the villanelle form, the refrain is excellent. 5*/Fav

[dashpoet]

Thanks Rowan. This is my first proper bash at it, I can see myself writing more, perhaps exploring some other forms. I enjoy the process of condensing ideas into poems. Usually I develop my own patterns, often quite rigid in themselves. The added discipline of writing to the villanelle form was, I found, stimulating.

[DavidRandallCurtis]

Blew me away... 5*/faved

[dashpoet]

Extraordinary what words can do, put in the right order. Thanks David.

[bigeeezy]

Well done Mark. A verse form that should be used more often methinks

[dashpoet]

Thank you. I have only just come across it, having viewed TheDisexists video. Good to hear from you, thanks again.