God Almighty - Taking His Name in Vain

[MrsSonchild196]

Your a bit jibbering

[oinei]

truly you are a teacher of things that prove you are a loser. What a waste of words, time and life listening to your drivel so I will move on and let you deal with your sin in your own foolish way.

[manasseh41]

you will be held accountable for every time you take His name in vain.

Even if just joking around

[kalsolarUK]

@manasseh41 fortunately the god of the bible is fictional - you forgot that!

[manasseh41]

@kalsolarUK , Unfortunately for you He is very real.

[kalsolarUK]

@manasseh41 Its OK, I've smoothed it over with him now, he came down and spoke with me this morning. We had breakfast together....well, I say together - I had cereal and he had sacrificial lamb. Apparently he hates cornflakes.

[ladivadivala]

@kalsolarUK Did you know that the order in which the Genesis account gives of the way Life on this planet came to be Matches the Scientific Account? well it does and it is something that Most scientists quietly Chose not to talk about. They don't address the fact that somehow a man that long ago without our scientific knowledge somehow got the Order of the events Right.

[claptonstratgreen1]

you reap what you sow. i pray that you one day see your err

[AwaitsHell]

Satan's Sausage! :D

[gloverage]

actually, the reason why he let us know his name is far greater than anyone can imagine that is not faithful, and he gave us freewill so we have the choice whether or not to say those things. it is kind of like a test of faith, how would he know you were faithful if there was no tests in life and all was just wonderfully great and we did not have a reason to make choices. I pray for you friend. God bless you.

[cmoleon]

you might be on to something there. people generally don't use the devil's name in vain because that is the psychopathologically transsubstantiated eminence grise behind the god figure they purportedly revere - essentially their own self-detached bloated schizoid ego drifting aimlessly through time and space...; even self- professed 'atheists' religiously compete in using profanity all day long (annoying when it comes together with bashful apologies, eg 'for god's (haha) bloody sake'.)

[avipoje]

I'm going to use "satany devil bastard-pants" from now on!

[TheApatheticDespot]

Lucifer's Laundrybasket has potential too.

[ltzippy2]

How's about Beelzebub's Balls?

[spookysaurus]

Oh, this one is terrific, kalsolarUK! Brilliant, sharp as a tack, and oh-so to the point. 5 *s, of course, but you could also add the rider: "Jesus fucking H. Christ with brass knobs on!" Works for me (although I always did wonder what the 'H' stood for. 'Holy'? 'Harold'? 'Henry'? 'His Godfulness'? Ah, who knows?).

[Rystefn]

Smote. The word you're looking for is "Smote." Not "Smited."

[Munkatten]

Smitten, actually.

[Rystefn]

Actually, no. Is it "Yesterday I smitten you"? No. Yesterday I smote you, you have been smitten.

[Munkatten]

Oh, yeah you're right. I guess that's what I get when I don't read what people reply to :p.

[a0eoj]

Munkatten - You were actually right the first time; smitten would've been the proper usage of the verb. Listen carefully how kalsolarUK used it in the sentence at the end of his video.

[a0eoj]

Rystefn - I agree with Munkatten; smitten would've been correct. KalsolarUK said, "Before I get magically smited, I'm out of here." You wouldn't say, "Before I get magically smote..."

[whade62000]

I think the answer to both of these is rooted in the belief thatif you cite something's name, it might just cause that thing to appear. (That's a really old idea actually but has still has plenty of it in modern Christianity, for example I consider prayers a variant of that.) Thus you would never ever spell the Devil's name (part because you don't want to be seen in the same league as him) and while you might say God's name just drawing his attention for no good reason could be impolite.

[DisforDubby]

i literally had cunvulsive laughter when u got to the beezlebub part!!! lmao

[ddpl365]

Newfies Have the best Jesus curses:

Jumping Roary eye'd Jesus, Jesus Jumpin' a Bald Headed Hudson.... Jesus jumps a lot in Newfoundland I don't know why

[trixapete]

haha ace! you ever thought about stand up? get your point across and earn some money while youre at it.

2 birds and all that

[RICKYMDOGG]

JESUS SUFFERING FUCK!!

JESUS TAP DANCING BASTARD!

couple of my favourites..

[ddpl365]

Once I told my dad that my teacher said "Jesus Murphy" when she was angry at the class (back in grade 7) and he said it was blasphemous... and then five minutes later he knocked over his ash tray on the floor and shouted "JESUS JUMPING CHRIST ALL FUCKING MIGHTY!"

.... I kept my mouth shut

[kalsolarUK]

lmao....that one may well come in useful one day

[Nanee715]

You are a comic genuis. I am not kidding.

[ZachValkyrie]

HELLS BELLS IS NOT SHIT!!!!

Bon Scott is going to haunt your ass for all eternity for this insult!!!

[laffer35]

Actually, in Norwegian, we use the name of the devil all the time when cursing :D

[athywren]

I quite like "by lucifer's beard!"

[gaia122333]

am sorry m8... your like a stand up comedian that is stock on one topic... it just starts to get boring.

[samuelrj]

you call this video "getting old"?

[gaia122333]

please show me where i am saying "getting old"

i hate to repeat the meaning of i said but i guess you just did not get it.

he only jokes about religion when its so much out there that can be funny... its just gets old when you just joke about one topic.

[kalsolarUK]

The main focus of this channel is currently concerned with religeon and beliefs etc - however, I will be expanding it to other things too at some point. When, or what those other topics will be I'm not sure.

[gaia122333]

goodi am looking forward to that ^^

[HKragh]

When we hit ourselves with a hammer in Denmark, we might yell "Av, for satan". Switch "Av" for "Auch", and you have what it means in english.

Or if we fumble with the pepper, and throws 1 kg into the sauce, we may say: "Satan's også". Which really can't be translated very well. "Satan's as well" maybe?

We use his name all the time. As children we learned to put in the name "Søren" instead of "Satan". Sounds crap. "Satan" has a more power to it!

[ASithTheyCalledEmo]

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!! This was a good'un, you clever devil you!

[noxoy]

In Sweden we morw commonly use "the devil" when we are looking for that energy reales thing. We use god's name not so often and never use Jesus' name!

[MartinJWillett]

Hells bells and buckets of blood. That's good. A bit of alliteration and the old pimple-popping initial B sound that works so well in bollocks, bastard, balls, bullshit, bugger and the one which blows your case out of the water: bloody hell.

Great video. Good fun.

[atomicnumber86]

And in Danish we also use hell and devil names as curse words. Helvede = hell.. Satans and Satan = guess once.. Fanden = devil...

I say "for fucking satan" in Danish. It feels nice and pleasant saying that..

[smaakjeks]

In Norway we say "faen" (from "fanden" = "the devil") which is about as bad as "fuck", and equally satisfying. Just thought I'd mention that.

[Norcator]

We also use "satans helvete" (satan's hell), "faens helvete" (the devil's hell), "faen i helvete" (the devil in hell), satan i helvete (satan in hell), "din jævel" (you devil) and "din jævla pikk" (you devil's cock). Come to think of it, there are probably more than I am going to bother mentioning.

[samuelrj]

oh thats what Lasse Gjertsen was saying. gotcha :-)

[rozeboosje]

That was rather good you rascally devil

[gagnashdiak]

Yeah, for the norse myth you got at least really cool cursewords, like "for Odin's half eye!" (= you are stupid) or "on Loki's children!" (=something terrible happened, like loosing anther half socks), or (this is my favourite) "on Vidar's boots!"

[shane14120]

great vid! "jesus titty fucking christ" or "christ on a bike" have always been my favorite things to say when im mad

[effingbastard]

Bravo! By the way, what's the 'H' stand for in Jesus H. Fucking Christ?

[yashatono]

Heathen

[samuelrj]

i thought it was hey zeus

[effingbastard]

Thanks...and all these years I thought it was Herbert...

[HappyApostate]

Thanks for the laugh. Another good one!

[JustPlaneNuts]

Lucifer's bloody laundry basket!!! LMAO! I love it!

[saxmanchiro]

Just to show me how good the brainwashing was at the hands of theists, I still find myself using swear words related to JC/God/Holy Shit etc. They did such a good job indoctrinating my mind to say and do whatever they deemed 'proper' in the xtian sense(oxymoron) and then you would hear them (hammer on the thumb is a good one) declare their theism in an angry way. I think they blame their god for their mind damage. N'est pas?

[AlmightyAtheismo]

My personal favorite is: Jesus-fucking-Christ-on-a-gril­led-cheese-sandwich!

Good vid, as always.

[RadarKat73080]

I wanted to name my son "Jesus H. Fucking Christ." Needless to say, my wife didn't like it. Remember Monty Python's Life of Brian, when Matthias son of Deuteronomy of Gath almost got stoned for saying "Jehovah?" My question is: who turned him in? And how?

[ImpudentInfidel]

613 is just the first five books, not even getting into the ones Jesus handed out.

[HonestDiscussioner]

Poingant and funny as usual.

[Eldxale]

Jesus Christ puking on a monkey!

[Archaneus]

About beating slaves, the Bible actually never says you can't beat your slaves. The commandment you are probably thinking of is where it says you can beat your slaves to a bloody pulp as long as they don't die from it for three days. If they die before that then you killed them, otherwise, you're fine.

[eequalsfb]

Now, that was a good goddamn video.

[MrKrov]

Oh, goddamn it. You took God's name in vain.

[Saukko31]

Like other people have already commented, the other guy is used as a curse word, in Scandinavia at least.

Heh, we really are heathens up here. :)

[kalsolarUK]

I did wonder how it might work in other languages, thanks for filling one of the many gaps in my heathenistic knowledge!

[robindesade]

Then you'll need one in Bulgarian:

"po diavolite!" - prounounced together with the accent on "ia", meaning "to the devils", presumably ""hell!" It's a swear expression, used in polite society to replace the real swear expressions, which can be very dirty.

I Russian "k chortam" (accent on "o") - the same thing.

[ChrisJMoor]

This made me think of the infamous night watchman's scene from MacBeth where the drunken night watchmen does actually use Beelzebub as a cuss word when someone knocks after midnight. I wonder if it was more usual to refer to Satan (or any of the other discredited gods of the semitic pantheon) in older times.

[slipcurve]

Some of the Finnish swear words are about the devil or hell.

Perkele - devil (orginally thunder god or something)

Saatana - satan

Helvetti - hell

Curiously enough one of the most powerful ones, right after "perkele", is "jumalauta" which comes from "jumala auta" (god help). I have no idea why that gets to be a swear word.

[Saukko31]

Hmm, according to wikipedia (finnish version), it was originally a quick prayer used in emergency, which later transformed to curse word, because you also use other curse words in those situations.

Plausible scenario?

[Brandt761]

"I'm a rolling thunder...

pouring rain

I'm coming on like a hurricane..."

Hells fucking Bells.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, very poetic!

[Brandt761]

Angus Young, I believe...

[Brandt761]

Great Zombie Jesus!

[Darwinsgift]

Fucking Hell! ... Your right! :)

[kalsolarUK]

lol - yep fucking hell is certainly better than hells bells! The only difference being that you can use god almighty or jesus christ in strong exclamation with added swear words as optional. In the case of the devil, adding swear word seems compulsory to give it any power. Hells bells was my best attempt at a devil related one that didnt include a swear word. although..fucking hell is better! How the satany devil bastard pants did I miss that?? lol.

[DeistPaladin]

I'm still trying to break myself of the habit of saying "Jesus!" everytime I have a moment of frustration. Exclaiming "Nature's God" or "Sweet Reason" seems more appropriate for me.

[AbbeyNormal]

I have absolutely no problem with exclaiming "Goddammit!!" in times of frustration, since curses aren't real anyway so it doesn't matter which god's name you curse in :D

[RosieDesire]

Please do... It's a real buzz kill when I'm just about ready to climax and the guy screams "Jesus!! Oh Jesus Christ! My God!" and then falls asleep to top it off! :)

[DeistPaladin]

QUOTE: "Please do... It's a real buzz kill when I'm just about ready to climax and the guy screams "Jesus!! Oh Jesus Christ! My God!" and then falls asleep to top it off! :)"

Sounds like your man needs to (1) deconvert, (2) learn to "go down" and (3) learn about a thing called "afterglow".

[RosieDesire]

LOL.. nah... The guy just needed to "shut the helvete up" and finish the job :)

[poopnoodle3000]

Doesn't work for say Buddha, Zeus, Allah, Vishnu, Isis, etc., either. "Kali damn it!" sounds like shit. LOL!

[RosieDesire]

I'm working on "FSM Damn It!"

[samuelrj]

HEY respect His Noodly Appendage

[pornoopel]

..maybe this is the time to teach you the main norwegian cursewords!? sorry to tell you they contradict your theory, but here goes..

we usually only use "gud" (=god) while having sex..

most frequently used words, (used the same way as "shit!" and "fuck!") is:

"satan!" ( = satan, obviously),

"helvete!" ( = hell) "fan!" ( -> from "fanden" = "the devil")

"dæven!" (-> from "djevelen" = "the devil")

i guess norway is really a nation of devil-worshipers..because we curse alot!..lol

[kalsolarUK]

I shall be using those words regularly now....well once you've taught me how to pronounce them!

[kalsolarUK]

erm...looking at them again....two out of the four I'm guessing are pronounced as they look.....just helvete and dæven to work out.

[pornoopel]

hmm.. you dont have an old commodore64 laying around?..lol

i remember trying out different ways to spell so it sounded right..those words were the first ones "converted to speech"

[Paxmax]

"another visitor.... stay a while... STAY FOREVER!"

C64 FTW (until '89 or something...)

C64 music (still FTW)

[kalsolarUK]

as sad as it sounds...I actually have two commodore64s laying around...although only one of them works.

[Norcator]

Unlike English Norwegian is pronounced more or less the way it is spelled. Make sure you get all the vowels. "Æ" is pronounced like the first "a" in Adam or in atom. "Satan" should be said with an "a"-sound on both vowels like in "ark." "Fan" or "faen" should be said with a long "a" or with two "a"s in a row.

[kalsolarUK]

this has become quite an education! Thanks!

[CousinoMacul]

3 more and you'd have 616 commandments. Hmmm...

[PluralOfEverything]

God isn't even his name. It's his title. Most christians don't even know his name, so how can they take it in vain?

[DeletedDelusion]

Actually, I recently came across some jewish guy, who wrote g-d instead of god, just to avoid tasking it in vain.

[PluralOfEverything]

I've seen that done as well. These are the kinds of people who believe out of fear.

[RosieDesire]

It's the whole Lord Voldemort thing.

[DblOSmith]

Best names for gerbils ever.

[Killdozer6006]

You seriously should do an audiobook.

[mindwis3]

+1.

God is not great was done by Hitchens himself, but any other, yeah, you're an Orator ;p

[kalsolarUK]

I'm currently considering writing one...I hadent thought about an audio book...interesting idea!

[RosieDesire]

You might have to release an alternative one as well where you speak v-e-r-y slowly so the believers can grasp it ;)

[Killdozer6006]

You should, hell, you can probably make some money of of it, like, $1 per audiobook, gives you alittle extra cash.