I am going to whip out my XV-601 Industrial Capacity Quarkifier and quarkify you into a bunch of quarks, Phil. There, tally up a death threat from an atheist. What's that? We're still behind? Stunning.
Dear Phil, you make me laugh and you make me proud of myself. Not too long ago I came up with a simular question I asked a Jehovas Witness.
God can hear, speak, see etc. so he has ears, mouth, eyes. We are made as his image so he must look human like. And being a "he" does God have a penis???
Hilariously ridiculous stuff, but not in any way less ridiculous than the notion of the anthropomorphic Abrahamic Gods. I'm wondering if God has one ball larger than the other, and if He has ginger pubes. Perhaps God jacked off as he rested on the seventh day? (He must at least know how good it feels to jack off.) Sheesh, these religions do produce a lot of such silly unanswerable questions.
Also in Genesis it says that God created Adam in his own image. That tells us that God must have a penis even though I can´t understand what he uses it for. Is there a Mrs God?
Same go for most other of the human features that are depictured in man. Why would God need a nose? etc.
Actually male gender does not mean he has a dick - that means he produces smaller gametes (sperm). Large gametes (eggs) are always produced by the female. That's what biological gender is about - it's not about body structure or behavior or all that other stuff that varies so much between species and individuals. It's how we can tell if an organism is a male, female, both or genderless - what are the gametes lie ?
Depends on the deity. I'm Finnish, so I call the christian God "se" - that means it. Though it's common in spoken language to call even people "it" instead of "hän" (him/her ).
Xtian god seems to have a specified gender (which is odd if it really is omni-everything). Some gods have genders, like many ancient gods, so I use him or her accordingly. That's why I do call Yahweh "him" (notice, no capital H) though lately I started to prefer it simply because the gender issue.
Phil, I've been to the Vatican and the Pope himself showed me the missing chapter which is called 'The Book of Phallus'. Phallis chapter 4, verse 8: "Thou shalt not use the lord's divine pubic hair to strengthen earthly materials lest thou be quarkified." So there you go... you weren't the first to use 'quarkified'; it's in the Bible. But, sorry, there was no mention of fingernail length.
Forget the balls ... I want to know if God is HUNG. Man, that would be one DIVINE penis. And I'd have to be the one to check it out and give it my seal of approval because I have HAD some divine cocks, so I know one when I taste one.
Ha ha ha! Perfect. There are some very good points in the movie. Now, since Christians do not think that sex is holy, they will just say that this is wrong, but they don't have any proof otherwise.
See. This is one of the main questions I used to ask that my parents could never answer. Also one of the main reasons for me to keep probing the bible for these dumbass human based crap, which led to my atheism. The more you read the stuff in there the more you get to realise it's all utter wank. And childish too.
I suppose He is. I pose a question to you. Do you believe that there is a God or there is not a God? I answered your question, now please honestly answer mine.
Thank you for your open and honest answer. I shall do likewise as long as you do. I believe nothing is supernatural. Miracles are supernatural by definition. Gods are said by all to work miracles. No, I do not believe there are gods, singular or plural.
My turn. So your God is a "He". Now, what's your God doing with a penis and a pair of presumably hairy testicles?
Remember, you assume that God has these things but you don't know so you ask the question however we were made in God's image. An image does not mean a direct reflection. An image means representation. So we are representative of what God looks like.
So your God DOES have balls and penis. He MUST have to be a "He". I repeat my question (you must have forgotten to answer it), WHY does your God have a penis? What does HE need it for? What does HE do with it?
I know that was 3 questions but you missed it when I asked just one.
dsbigelow, you have to remember that one thing that defines a male is Adam's apple, and other one are balls and a penis. So, yes, your god must have those things. Now, please answer philhellenes' question without further delay.
I think they refer to God as he, because "he" creates, women create also... maybe, this is IF they are right, our brains can't comprehend anytthing further than what we associate with masculine activity.
on a side note, you have an invisible, undetectable vagina that sucks logic out of arguments by placing limits on possibilities then taking away the essence of the arguement.
having discourse with anyone who wants to be arguementative is fruitless.
My question was appeared to be too much for their theology to handle. It's almost as if they haven't thought about the ramifications of God being a "He". Odd. :)
God is omnipresent which means his balls are also omnipresent which means his balls are in your and my mouth right now. Glory to THE LORD'S transcendental divine balls!
Horrible? HORRIBLE?!! You blasphemer! The LORD graced you with his blessed balls and you say it's horrible??? LORD I am truly unworthy of your divine testicles, why hast thou blessed me, wretched sinner, with the opportunity of tasting your godly ellipses? The LORD's work truly is mysterious but also beautiful!
and if you go back a bit further, some were taken into gods Bosoms, which in contemporary American english refers to a womans chest, however actually refers to a mans or womans chest, I have seen no effeminate portrayals of God nor feminine. There are no references to Gods "junk" perhaps being a diety and not a human, and needing nothing other than word to produce what "He" wants, there would be no need for sexually reproductive organs either male or female.
if you would like you may count this post as a death threat from athiests christians and islamics. kidding aside. How does one field such a question as "does God have a pair" taking literal translations from the Bible, it does appear that Jesus referrs to God as Father.
I think it goes a little deeper than that. It's not REALLY about a literal interpretation of the bible so much as the idea that a god would be anything like us, and the revealing fact that, with VERY few exceptions, believers cannot HELP calling their god a "He". It is a psychological observation rather than a theological question.
Still chuckling here with the fireproof thing. My guess is that God did observe effective safety precautions prior to creation of the universe. My question to the astrophysics folks: what happened at t=0 ? Have they determined the mechanism for symmetry breaking ? Curious stuff.
lol, I am a Christian, just laughing here with the questions you have managed to find. please feel free to send funding, and I will have the theologians, philosophers, scientists work these questions out for you.
I am inclined to believe that God made man in his image, and God is generally comfortably groomed, unless He is incognito visiting folks. I have read that he does that on occasion.
Well, I've spoken to a few philosophers and scientists and the consensus is that the Big G (if "He" exists) has NO balls or penis. So the "in His image" line may not apply to the pants-department. Never heard a theologian make any guesses on the topic. :)
I had a fascinating world civ course a few years back, with a very good teacher. It's interesting to note that the first religions seem to (based on idols and early artwork) have focused on female goddeses - that is, the worship of fertility and birth. It makes sense, since we went from being dependent upon nature (hunter/gatherers) to bending nature to our will (civilization/irrigation/domestication) and we became more warlike (shifting the focus from creation to destruction).
I noticed that after 1000 viewings not a single Christian has offered me any theological insight concerning the greatness of God's "danglies". I'm beginning to think I may have thought of a question that not ONE theologian in history has EVER asked? I don't think those guys were really trying.
Ok guys...Jesus wouldnt want us to put a death threat on him. Sir, may God bless you and draw you near Him. May He heal your soul and make you a warrior for Christ in Jesus name amen.
suddenly.. Zeus gives birth to a goddess from the top of his head. A MALE PRODUCED A FEMALE.. the tables had turned. Zeus became the ruling god.. which then.. slowly wrapped into the image of our monotheist god... sigh.. I don't care about the gender personally.. i wish we just still prayed to stars lol.. i know i do.. funny how we started off on the right track.. silly homosapiens. (youtube really needs to change this 500 bullshit limit)
maybe.. but when i tracked back, i basically saw that.. we went from sun and star worship, which had feminine characteristics mind u, to a complex line up of gods and goddess.. each controlling their own parts of the universe.. still at that point, the goddess was the creator, and the god her companion.. or lover.. the womb was eden, and basically the god watered it for her..
I think it might be deeper than that. Seems to me that fear is a large motivator of "belief", so belief has to offer protection from/against these fears. The PROTECTING icon of the family (the basic human "experience") is the father. God is a man because it is harder to imagine an unbeatable female protector - maybe.
Yes. Belief is a means. Not an end. I would expect more from my god... "Ti" for lack of a better word would not depend on my belief or faith. It as if with out this fanatisism it is worried that thier "God"
would somehow ceas to exist..? That would make for a
The subconscious can be kinda sneaky huh? I agree. Can't see a od having sexual organs somehow (though I have no evidence for this). I find it ever so slightly easier to conceive of a "They". Why SHOULD it HAVE to be Creator/singular?
This stuff is hilarious. I am definitely subscribing. And eventually I might even get around to making a death threat or two. Is there any particular manner of death you might perfer? IF no I can be creative:) 5 stars.
A knife at my throat seems to be in vogue with the muslims. Christians seem to prefer flames. But I'm always open to innovation, and I give points for creativity. :D
Was God circomcised and who performed the operation?
plus you are correct, the Muslims say Allah has no gender but the quran says he, not it, not God, HE... and they do it in conversation too, I may believe in God, but not one that can be contained like that, might as well say God is a fruit fly or a bunny rabbit.
I suppose this begs the question, If god has a set of balls and a penis, what exactly does he do with them? Where does he stick his godly penis? Where does the sperm from his godly testicles go? Is there a Mrs. we weren't told about?? O perhaps god is the eternal bachelor ladies man?
I hope you die a long death that begins once you are born and slowly causes you to age till eventually when you are 100+ years old you finally collapse while having sex with two 20 year old playboy models.
Question: Was this video specifically designed to piss off theists?
That would explain a lot then. For instance, that would explain why we never see god. I know that if I could lick my own balls, I'd never leave my room either.
Disgusting blasphemy; you're working from erroneous assumptions, Phil. God is a Woman; Mother Nature is a man. The problem arose while translating scripture for King James--stupid English court jesters-- It was intended to be ''God made woman in her own image''. As for Father Nature, remember, he created ALL living things EVER. Those rocks are HUGE, though as of late, species extinction suggests some type of Peter Sellers/bodily fluid problems. Old age maybe? Fluoride??
God came to me in a dream last week. He told me he wished for me to give birth to the messiah. Looks like the Jews were right, after all. His balls were incredibly hairy and big, grossly so.
Of course, I aborted the fetus shortly afterward. If god is god, he must have known that I would. Which leads to the conclusion that god is really just a hairy balled sexual maniac who used me for sex.
Oh Phil ... I'm glad that are still alive and kicking. You do surprise us all every now and then - humor. Who would have guessed - Big Hairy Balls LLH...
nice... you know, if i were god, and was making something in my own image, i would make sure that the size of my cock and balls could never be genetically matched... so, to answer your question, god's balls are probably slightly bigger than the largest pair ever in human existence, and i would wager slightly hairier too.
Great one Phil. Not too many people can get everyone to think about the great invisible man's Third Arm of Justice, his Abdullah (the Tent Maker), his Thor's Hammer, his Scepter of Sordidness, his King Ohyeah, his Naughtiest Cardinal, his True Cross, his <post more penis nicknames here>.
It's ALWAYS the left one. It's like the right one is the smarter of the two. It knows how to get out of the way, whereas, the second one is a little bit on the slow side...Intelligently Designed my ass.
I've had a lot of compliments but 'divine scrotum' takes the gold.
2eelShmeal 1 month ago
u need more balls too
motherqueen9655 11 months ago
I am going to whip out my XV-601 Industrial Capacity Quarkifier and quarkify you into a bunch of quarks, Phil. There, tally up a death threat from an atheist. What's that? We're still behind? Stunning.
alabamamanable 11 months ago
Then try to imagine God shaping Adam out of clay.
What was it like when he was shaping Adam's dingdong?
His hand delicatly shaping the Adam's nuts. His divine fingers gently forming the rod with his godly fingers wrapped around it..
Did God have an erection just then? Is this why God is so angry with homosexuals?
Could it be that God really is a latent homosexual?
henriktor 1 year ago 5
too fuckin funny
iluvemmanuel 1 year ago
Curious, how many death threats are you at now? And whats the score board looking like?(Muslim's still leading?)
pogibija 1 year ago
Obviously, God has a penis long enough to fuck everyones mind over :). Great video Phil.
PinkYui16 1 year ago
Dear Phil, you make me laugh and you make me proud of myself. Not too long ago I came up with a simular question I asked a Jehovas Witness.
God can hear, speak, see etc. so he has ears, mouth, eyes. We are made as his image so he must look human like. And being a "he" does God have a penis???
I love the way you think!
uniroyal 1 year ago
Hilariously ridiculous stuff, but not in any way less ridiculous than the notion of the anthropomorphic Abrahamic Gods. I'm wondering if God has one ball larger than the other, and if He has ginger pubes. Perhaps God jacked off as he rested on the seventh day? (He must at least know how good it feels to jack off.) Sheesh, these religions do produce a lot of such silly unanswerable questions.
C0C0nutFace 1 year ago
I belive U ca say cock even.. Penis is just so.... haha Small sounding! I hae truely enoyed yer videos!!! Make me laugh so hard...
I can threaten you if ya like? *thinks* grrr...
Hows this Ill link ya around and make sure some Bible thumpers and Other equally finatical Weakling hoomans get it....
God was invented to control and Enslave other humans...
akashafuhr 1 year ago
Also in Genesis it says that God created Adam in his own image. That tells us that God must have a penis even though I can´t understand what he uses it for. Is there a Mrs God?
Same go for most other of the human features that are depictured in man. Why would God need a nose? etc.
Faidros62 2 years ago
God needs a dick to please Mrs. God.
WarmWeatherGuy 2 years ago 2
You are ugly :)
Roni404 2 years ago
because of the holy trinity god has four bollocks and a cloaca
bovigor 2 years ago
LOLOLLOL !excellent !!...I haven't lauughed like that in awhile !!!!*****Cheers bro!!!!
Eddie629 2 years ago
I bet the monotheistic gods have tiny, flaccid, mutilated genitals.
TheMetalHeadTed 2 years ago
Actually male gender does not mean he has a dick - that means he produces smaller gametes (sperm). Large gametes (eggs) are always produced by the female. That's what biological gender is about - it's not about body structure or behavior or all that other stuff that varies so much between species and individuals. It's how we can tell if an organism is a male, female, both or genderless - what are the gametes lie ?
Nice when things can be unified.
A deity like xtian God should be beyond gender.
pienipaha 2 years ago
So you ALWAYS call God "It" then, if God is "beyond gender"?
I'm betting you say "Him", just like everybody else (including myself).
:)
philhellenes 2 years ago
Depends on the deity. I'm Finnish, so I call the christian God "se" - that means it. Though it's common in spoken language to call even people "it" instead of "hän" (him/her ).
Xtian god seems to have a specified gender (which is odd if it really is omni-everything). Some gods have genders, like many ancient gods, so I use him or her accordingly. That's why I do call Yahweh "him" (notice, no capital H) though lately I started to prefer it simply because the gender issue.
pienipaha 2 years ago
hahahaha, Phil, you're a comic.
rangedkid 2 years ago
Phil, I've been to the Vatican and the Pope himself showed me the missing chapter which is called 'The Book of Phallus'. Phallis chapter 4, verse 8: "Thou shalt not use the lord's divine pubic hair to strengthen earthly materials lest thou be quarkified." So there you go... you weren't the first to use 'quarkified'; it's in the Bible. But, sorry, there was no mention of fingernail length.
HealthySkeptic 2 years ago
That was hilarious! I will have to ask my hubby which ball he sits on....lol
CrankyCrone 2 years ago 2
Glowing "Divine spherical places..."
Too funny.
hairyreasoner 2 years ago
Yet, in a way, no funnier than the actual scripture itself. ;)
philhellenes 2 years ago
I guess it's a Man thing. We like to invent and to create, even exaggerate...Right down to our BIG BALLS!!
flips300021 2 years ago
Thanks, I feel smarter already.
TucsonDave111 2 years ago
Shit. It's all just so much shit.
hairyreasoner 2 years ago
Those words, Hairy, could well be the most efficient summation of the situation that I've ever heard.
philhellenes 2 years ago
Yeah someone else is grey besides me !
ComradeAgopian 2 years ago
oh wonderful. thanks for the video.
styxway 2 years ago
If you look at God's balls, do you turn gay?
Omnywrench 2 years ago
I think "Divine Scrotum" would be a good name for a band. What kind of band would have that name is still up for debate.
Omnywrench 2 years ago 3
"Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions." —Thomas Jefferson
It's interesting that every question you ask here could be put forward seriously.
LeafInTheStream 3 years ago 14
Well i know god would be uncircumsized. Ponder this, my friend. What would the flabby fore-skin on the dick of god look like?
Malecaust666 3 years ago
Forget the balls ... I want to know if God is HUNG. Man, that would be one DIVINE penis. And I'd have to be the one to check it out and give it my seal of approval because I have HAD some divine cocks, so I know one when I taste one.
bvscfanatic 3 years ago 4
So your response TO DEATH THREATS was an extensive discussion about God's genitalia? ∞ respect Mr. Hellenes.
PurushaDesa 3 years ago 16
Oh I mean on the group of seven channel. My hairy balls video.
onemon22 3 years ago
I can't believe we are related in our videos.
onemon22 3 years ago
I don't follow, Onemon, what do you mean?
philhellenes 3 years ago
I don't belive in God either. But aren't you being a little harsh on their God's balls?
They only say that he is a he because the men with 2-inch penis' thought they were superior to women.
I noticed a lot of these religious bashing videos have been becoming popular >;0 Did patcondell inspire you?
Maxlordfergo 3 years ago
Ah, the mother of all questions that has kept many a philosopher awake at night, but alas no answer has been found.
Itslvle 3 years ago
ROTFLMAO!!!
akylae101 4 years ago 2
quirkified rocks!!
cozmikzen 4 years ago
Leftie's the one I always sit on also!
MisterMolecule 4 years ago
All the real men sit on "Leftie".
philhellenes 4 years ago
Ha ha ha! Perfect. There are some very good points in the movie. Now, since Christians do not think that sex is holy, they will just say that this is wrong, but they don't have any proof otherwise.
NewSpartan99 4 years ago
AHAHAHA XD probably smooth :P
MistressDracona 4 years ago
omg, god if fireproof! that one cracked me up ^^
TheBaschtl 4 years ago
You have an interesting personality..you would look better with grey hair. Trying to assume the physical looks of God is pretty silly though :P
Jaynagurl 4 years ago
I didn't start it. I'm not the one who calls God "He".
Why don't people call God "It"?
philhellenes 4 years ago
Lol, maybe to be able to identify
Jaynagurl 4 years ago
See. This is one of the main questions I used to ask that my parents could never answer. Also one of the main reasons for me to keep probing the bible for these dumbass human based crap, which led to my atheism. The more you read the stuff in there the more you get to realise it's all utter wank. And childish too.
Domzdream 4 years ago 3
With this video and the subject, i can tell that you don't pride yourself as an intellectual and yes, i believe in God.
dsbigelow 4 years ago
Is your God male?
philhellenes 4 years ago
I suppose He is. I pose a question to you. Do you believe that there is a God or there is not a God? I answered your question, now please honestly answer mine.
dsbigelow 4 years ago
Thank you for your open and honest answer. I shall do likewise as long as you do. I believe nothing is supernatural. Miracles are supernatural by definition. Gods are said by all to work miracles. No, I do not believe there are gods, singular or plural.
My turn. So your God is a "He". Now, what's your God doing with a penis and a pair of presumably hairy testicles?
philhellenes 4 years ago
Remember, you assume that God has these things but you don't know so you ask the question however we were made in God's image. An image does not mean a direct reflection. An image means representation. So we are representative of what God looks like.
dsbigelow 4 years ago
So your God DOES have balls and penis. He MUST have to be a "He". I repeat my question (you must have forgotten to answer it), WHY does your God have a penis? What does HE need it for? What does HE do with it?
I know that was 3 questions but you missed it when I asked just one.
philhellenes 4 years ago
dsbigelow, you have to remember that one thing that defines a male is Adam's apple, and other one are balls and a penis. So, yes, your god must have those things. Now, please answer philhellenes' question without further delay.
NewSpartan99 4 years ago
I believe God made ME in HIS image so in that case he's packing a 10" love pump in his 501's!
pos777 4 years ago
haha that vid cracked me up. thanks for reppin bmore.
merks91 4 years ago
lol, i wonder... is he circumcised?
BlueShiftedOblivion 4 years ago
...and if He is, did HE do it himself? :)
philhellenes 4 years ago
of coarse, with his divine teeth.
frobro7791 4 years ago
Virgin Mary My ASS... She was totally raped by god!!
weumumaway 4 years ago
He must have. He knocked up Mary with somthing.
tonypata 4 years ago
LOL! fun stuff. And you don't have to dye your hair. Jesus died for you...
(lame joke, i know)
ivarbt 4 years ago
this becomes even more funny because it shows how ludicrous the idea of religion is in the first place. bravo!
NerdFury 4 years ago
Strange, I never did get a single reply from a believer as to whether God has balls and penis.
Yet they ALL call him "Father" or "He", never "It". And THAT is proof they just don't think anymore. :)
philhellenes 4 years ago
You know, now that I think about it... God is essentially 3 people at once, right? Does that mean he has three penis' and six balls?
NerdFury 4 years ago 2
I think they refer to God as he, because "he" creates, women create also... maybe, this is IF they are right, our brains can't comprehend anytthing further than what we associate with masculine activity.
on a side note, you have an invisible, undetectable vagina that sucks logic out of arguments by placing limits on possibilities then taking away the essence of the arguement.
having discourse with anyone who wants to be arguementative is fruitless.
eskimofat 3 years ago
this was very funny; I can't find any theist response anywhere unfortunately
earfetish 4 years ago
My question was appeared to be too much for their theology to handle. It's almost as if they haven't thought about the ramifications of God being a "He". Odd. :)
philhellenes 4 years ago
God is omnipresent which means his balls are also omnipresent which means his balls are in your and my mouth right now. Glory to THE LORD'S transcendental divine balls!
Jacnas 4 years ago 3
What a horrible, HORRIBLE thought! :)
philhellenes 4 years ago
Horrible? HORRIBLE?!! You blasphemer! The LORD graced you with his blessed balls and you say it's horrible??? LORD I am truly unworthy of your divine testicles, why hast thou blessed me, wretched sinner, with the opportunity of tasting your godly ellipses? The LORD's work truly is mysterious but also beautiful!
Jacnas 4 years ago
i am a Pastafarian and my god it the fsm and he has two large meaty balls in the middle of his boddy!
daysyroks 4 years ago 3
God is Love and Love is the only religion we need.
17001303 4 years ago
Don't agree with the first part, totally agree with the second. :)
philhellenes 4 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
You son of a bitch...who the fuck you are? give me you icq number.
Assasin406 4 years ago
and if you go back a bit further, some were taken into gods Bosoms, which in contemporary American english refers to a womans chest, however actually refers to a mans or womans chest, I have seen no effeminate portrayals of God nor feminine. There are no references to Gods "junk" perhaps being a diety and not a human, and needing nothing other than word to produce what "He" wants, there would be no need for sexually reproductive organs either male or female.
eskimofat 4 years ago
So God is NOT a He?
philhellenes 4 years ago
if you would like you may count this post as a death threat from athiests christians and islamics. kidding aside. How does one field such a question as "does God have a pair" taking literal translations from the Bible, it does appear that Jesus referrs to God as Father.
eskimofat 4 years ago
Either God has balls or the Bible is not meant to be taken literally. Amazing!!!!
trueuniverse2100 4 years ago
I think it goes a little deeper than that. It's not REALLY about a literal interpretation of the bible so much as the idea that a god would be anything like us, and the revealing fact that, with VERY few exceptions, believers cannot HELP calling their god a "He". It is a psychological observation rather than a theological question.
philhellenes 4 years ago
Still chuckling here with the fireproof thing. My guess is that God did observe effective safety precautions prior to creation of the universe. My question to the astrophysics folks: what happened at t=0 ? Have they determined the mechanism for symmetry breaking ? Curious stuff.
seneca67 4 years ago
T=0 = No Answers yet, and I dare say for a LONG time to come.
philhellenes 4 years ago
lol, I am a Christian, just laughing here with the questions you have managed to find. please feel free to send funding, and I will have the theologians, philosophers, scientists work these questions out for you.
I am inclined to believe that God made man in his image, and God is generally comfortably groomed, unless He is incognito visiting folks. I have read that he does that on occasion.
May God's love be with you.
seneca67 4 years ago
Well, I've spoken to a few philosophers and scientists and the consensus is that the Big G (if "He" exists) has NO balls or penis. So the "in His image" line may not apply to the pants-department. Never heard a theologian make any guesses on the topic. :)
philhellenes 4 years ago
Have I missed out on the option for a research grant?
seneca67 4 years ago
I similar question comes to mind: Did Adam have a belly button? Is that question cliche'?
seneca67 4 years ago
I don't think fundamentally important and basic questions CAN be cliche for they MUST be repeated out of necessity. EVERYONE must ask that question.
philhellenes 4 years ago
by the way - a gray beard looks very "god like" - go for it
cavejourney 4 years ago
Too late. Shaved it off. Not enough stress. When you ask for death threats they never come. Sigh. ;)
philhellenes 4 years ago
Just to be nice Phil, I am going to kill you ;). I guess you can give that point to the Atheists. Remember tho, you asked for it.
TorishRSisko 4 years ago
Much appreciated. Good threatening skillz you have there! :)
philhellenes 4 years ago
I've never written lol before cause I don't actually laugh out loud. I did several times for this so ..... lol
cavejourney 4 years ago
I had a fascinating world civ course a few years back, with a very good teacher. It's interesting to note that the first religions seem to (based on idols and early artwork) have focused on female goddeses - that is, the worship of fertility and birth. It makes sense, since we went from being dependent upon nature (hunter/gatherers) to bending nature to our will (civilization/irrigation/domestication) and we became more warlike (shifting the focus from creation to destruction).
AtheistAaron 4 years ago
I noticed that after 1000 viewings not a single Christian has offered me any theological insight concerning the greatness of God's "danglies". I'm beginning to think I may have thought of a question that not ONE theologian in history has EVER asked? I don't think those guys were really trying.
philhellenes 4 years ago
LOL - personally, I think God shaves his bush.
AtheistAaron 4 years ago
Ok guys...Jesus wouldnt want us to put a death threat on him. Sir, may God bless you and draw you near Him. May He heal your soul and make you a warrior for Christ in Jesus name amen.
JesusTickles777 4 years ago
suddenly.. Zeus gives birth to a goddess from the top of his head. A MALE PRODUCED A FEMALE.. the tables had turned. Zeus became the ruling god.. which then.. slowly wrapped into the image of our monotheist god... sigh.. I don't care about the gender personally.. i wish we just still prayed to stars lol.. i know i do.. funny how we started off on the right track.. silly homosapiens. (youtube really needs to change this 500 bullshit limit)
dalo0l 4 years ago
maybe.. but when i tracked back, i basically saw that.. we went from sun and star worship, which had feminine characteristics mind u, to a complex line up of gods and goddess.. each controlling their own parts of the universe.. still at that point, the goddess was the creator, and the god her companion.. or lover.. the womb was eden, and basically the god watered it for her..
dalo0l 4 years ago
holy sperm lol.. yummy :P
god's male because he was created by men. (once he evolved from zeus, who evolved from the later etc etc.)
dalo0l 4 years ago
I think it might be deeper than that. Seems to me that fear is a large motivator of "belief", so belief has to offer protection from/against these fears. The PROTECTING icon of the family (the basic human "experience") is the father. God is a man because it is harder to imagine an unbeatable female protector - maybe.
philhellenes 4 years ago
Yes. Belief is a means. Not an end. I would expect more from my god... "Ti" for lack of a better word would not depend on my belief or faith. It as if with out this fanatisism it is worried that thier "God"
would somehow ceas to exist..? That would make for a
shabby sort of lord if you ask me.
PHIre11 4 years ago
Ya know I just notched I called god a He in my video and I don't even think god has a gender. More like an it.
sharpie443 4 years ago
The subconscious can be kinda sneaky huh? I agree. Can't see a od having sexual organs somehow (though I have no evidence for this). I find it ever so slightly easier to conceive of a "They". Why SHOULD it HAVE to be Creator/singular?
philhellenes 4 years ago
"Would it radiate light?" Whahahaha!!! 5 stars!
pmarie2003 4 years ago
This stuff is hilarious. I am definitely subscribing. And eventually I might even get around to making a death threat or two. Is there any particular manner of death you might perfer? IF no I can be creative:) 5 stars.
squitmaa 4 years ago
A knife at my throat seems to be in vogue with the muslims. Christians seem to prefer flames. But I'm always open to innovation, and I give points for creativity. :D
philhellenes 4 years ago
Was God circomcised and who performed the operation?
plus you are correct, the Muslims say Allah has no gender but the quran says he, not it, not God, HE... and they do it in conversation too, I may believe in God, but not one that can be contained like that, might as well say God is a fruit fly or a bunny rabbit.
ummahofone 4 years ago
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...
"God" save the woman the "God" mounts!
God is a NEUTER or a SheMale...this is the only solution to the gender question, I would think ROTFLMFAO!!!
Aegialeus 4 years ago
ROFL Note the lack of video responces
Meloco2007 4 years ago
I have heard there are vats full of genitalia removed from statues stored in the Vaticans bowels
grenangle 4 years ago
I think a lot of it has to do with the grammar of hebrew, and the rest has to do with male-centrism.
kalin666 4 years ago
You are talented my friend. How do you manage to keep a straight face through all this?
kalin666 4 years ago
If god's a he, damn, I'd like to see a mrs she-god.
Domzdream 4 years ago
I know angels had nuts. They went into the daughters of men. There were giants in those days! LOL.
Brainmold 4 years ago
I suppose this begs the question, If god has a set of balls and a penis, what exactly does he do with them? Where does he stick his godly penis? Where does the sperm from his godly testicles go? Is there a Mrs. we weren't told about?? O perhaps god is the eternal bachelor ladies man?
JaboCelt 4 years ago
GO ORIOLES! I got you that shirt. Simply adorable...even with the beard. :+)
mdeborger 4 years ago
Hilarious.
FreeThinker333 4 years ago
GoD licking his own balls?? Ahhh - now I see, dislexia is a terrible thing Phil.
As for the microphone, I've an idea you'll have a new one soon ;-)
VOETSEK111 4 years ago
I hope you die a long death that begins once you are born and slowly causes you to age till eventually when you are 100+ years old you finally collapse while having sex with two 20 year old playboy models.
Question: Was this video specifically designed to piss off theists?
Mjhavok 4 years ago
That would explain a lot then. For instance, that would explain why we never see god. I know that if I could lick my own balls, I'd never leave my room either.
DoubTinT 4 years ago
Disgusting blasphemy; you're working from erroneous assumptions, Phil. God is a Woman; Mother Nature is a man. The problem arose while translating scripture for King James--stupid English court jesters-- It was intended to be ''God made woman in her own image''. As for Father Nature, remember, he created ALL living things EVER. Those rocks are HUGE, though as of late, species extinction suggests some type of Peter Sellers/bodily fluid problems. Old age maybe? Fluoride??
emmigree 4 years ago
You have got to boost the volume...I can't hear you in this at all..
weeeezzll 4 years ago
Pure gold: you're my favorite you-tuber philhellenes.
"Save me, O God, for thy nectar have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deepness; the floods engulf me." - palms 69 (they must be large indeed)
phlarmf 4 years ago
ha. anytime. :)
MistahJ77 4 years ago
To know the balls of god is to know madness.
theinquisitor 4 years ago
wow phil, when you say you're going to grow a pair, you mean business. you're not going to grow just any pair, on no! you're doing your research.
snowfeet 4 years ago
God came to me in a dream last week. He told me he wished for me to give birth to the messiah. Looks like the Jews were right, after all. His balls were incredibly hairy and big, grossly so.
Of course, I aborted the fetus shortly afterward. If god is god, he must have known that I would. Which leads to the conclusion that god is really just a hairy balled sexual maniac who used me for sex.
Thank you for your time.
:-)
froggie43 4 years ago
Oh Phil ... I'm glad that are still alive and kicking. You do surprise us all every now and then - humor. Who would have guessed - Big Hairy Balls LLH...
PackratCND 4 years ago
Wonderful Phil!! LMAO
xJediHowieX 4 years ago
nice... you know, if i were god, and was making something in my own image, i would make sure that the size of my cock and balls could never be genetically matched... so, to answer your question, god's balls are probably slightly bigger than the largest pair ever in human existence, and i would wager slightly hairier too.
MistahJ77 4 years ago
LOL, If I were god, I'd have the biggest cock and balls on the planet. Have you ever seen a Whale dick? Ginormous!
DoubTinT 4 years ago
"You call Him a He, that means He's got a dick, and that's just stupid. But it all is, isn't it?"
Word.
blackcat131 4 years ago
death threat from someone who is not addicted to meaning.
JohnnyCreepy 4 years ago
You also got me wondering. . . If god is all, well, everything, he should be all ambidexterous enough to lick his own. You think?
DoubTinT 4 years ago 2
Great one Phil. Not too many people can get everyone to think about the great invisible man's Third Arm of Justice, his Abdullah (the Tent Maker), his Thor's Hammer, his Scepter of Sordidness, his King Ohyeah, his Naughtiest Cardinal, his True Cross, his <post more penis nicknames here>.
DoubTinT 4 years ago
"I need more death threats" lmfao. Rock on
KillTrend 4 years ago
It's ALWAYS the left one. It's like the right one is the smarter of the two. It knows how to get out of the way, whereas, the second one is a little bit on the slow side...Intelligently Designed my ass.
dragon2wolf 4 years ago
deep fried and quarkified!
moorerandi 4 years ago
To be honest, that was really more of a promise than a threat. (Unless you plan to live forever, of course.)
Consider yourself death-promised!
kvaks3000 4 years ago
Definitely a hug. A man-hug, of course. Because I'm a man. Not that I disagree with it -- you know, do what you gotta do.
Nah. If I had to hug you, it'd be a very tight embrace. I need to send you a pm.
azrienoch 4 years ago
I wouldn't kill you, phil. I love you. Like Jesus. And his balls.
azrienoch 4 years ago
My sides actually hurt ... that was great!
sckoowadiddleywahoo2 4 years ago
I nearly burst my stiches laughing.
Proteus6666 4 years ago
Heh, that was exactly what I needed.
trondreitan 4 years ago
Yay! A new PhilHellenes Video! Oh, and I'm going to Kill you! COME ON FELLOW ATHEISTS, LET'S GET OUR SCORE UP!
howtofoldsoup 4 years ago
Wow, a fellow Orioles fan and a fellow non-believer.
(But I went to the same high school in Baltimore that H. L. Mencken went to.)
IntellAGent2o71828 4 years ago
No, I have been having exposure therapy from Ben who is even more vulgar but I am not shocked at all :D
Judelicious1971 4 years ago
hahahah oh gosh I can´t stop laughing.
Maybe its like a star wars light saber.
Judelicious1971 4 years ago
haha brilliant. Missed your stuff. Glad you're back.
Balphaus 4 years ago
I think George Bush said "quarkified" in a speech, but he probably meant to say something entirely different.
Also: YOU SHALL DIE!
kvaks3000 4 years ago
I'm going to kill you, Phil. You're dead meat.
Glad to help.
eightfootmanchild 4 years ago
ROFLMAO!!!!
siciliano29 4 years ago
Maybe hes had a "divine accident" and thats why we havent heard from him in a while:D
vegrin 4 years ago
ME DAMN IT!
joekarim87 4 years ago 2
that would be what I imagine God to say when he happens to slip up and sit on one of his balls.
joekarim87 4 years ago