If Religions Were Real: Elisha and the She-Bears of DEATH

[Katalyzt]

Interesting... I just saw the movie "Freezer Burn" which featured: Boomer Tibbs(Elisha). ;O)

Katalyzt

[sbowman1983]

fucking hilarious!

[DackIsBack]

2:15 Wilhelm Scream! fuck yeah!

[doktorzoom]

This is pretty good, but I have to doubt the historical accuracy of this story. The Wilhelm Scream was almost certainly not available to Bronze Age sound mixers.

[punksachoo]

!WARNING! God once killed everyone on earth except 8 people because he was fed up with them. It's His world so it's better to give Him some respect!

[sarahtolkien]

This was amazing. I offhandedly commented that I should use this as a "scare tactic" to teach my pre-schoolers not to call names...it turned into a hot bed of what I should and shouldn't do as a teacher. Um I'm sorry, I wasn't going to show them this video. I was going to read them teh Bible and maybe make a silly story about a tickle bear. Srsly

[Buntzums]

man, God really has no sense of humour - does this work for blonde jokes?

[FactsBeforeFaith]

@Buntzums No it doesn't work for blonde jokes! Blond jokes are female specific. Have you read the Bible? You can say whatever you want about women. God's cool with it.

[Buntzums]

god bless the little children... unless they call you bald... then may bears tear them limb from limb! ah hahahahha

[Jimboman300]

FUNY AS HELL

[dangerouslytalented]

@lov32s331t Why would you assume that?

[barbararuth85]

I have to admit, you were able to interpret what the bible says pretty good. I agree with most of the previous comments too. God is all powerful and He could just vanished those kids, and the fact that Elisha was bold should not be a big deal, but lets look behind what was going on here. 1. Kids or youth making fun of a prophet of God. 2. What the prophet said back then, was done. 3. God backed up His prophet by sending bears to eat them. Why? Well, just because they were disrespectful of God

[Frenious]

@barbararuth85

...or you know, they could just be MYTHICAL STORIES TOLD BY PRIMITIVE MEN.

[IamtheMADman24]

This just might be the greatest video I've ever seen.

[gupsphoo]

This is the greatest Biblical story of them all! I don't see many Christians coming here trying to defend their religion. I totally understand why. It's completely indefensible.

[eat666shit]

amazing video

:D

[doktorzoom]

Everybody knows the Wilhelm Scream is an ACTUAL RECORDING a Lost Soul being claimed by Satan.

[shirondarkdragon]

what the name of the song when the bear attack?

[MtlRedAtheist]

Awesome!

[physed888]

idle hands are the devils bullshit like this video

[metalninja626]

lol. 42.

[BerriesAndCreamLad01]

That was fantastic.

[ThwartedVillainy]

lol, christianity is funny.

[bitcloud1]

shhwwwaaaaaa

[miketealy]

This is old testament, and thus not Christian writings, but Judaic

and despite the origins of the faith, the two have largely different beliefs

[whirlwindbliss]

@miketealy Oh yeah, I forgot Christians didn't believe in the old testament.

[macman851]

Don't fuck with God's prophets, son!

[MonkeyWithKnives]

its ok for the whole world to hate jews, red heads and fat people tho, doesnt do shit about that.. but baldness! AVAST!

[gjms]

Bethel... the Harlem of Israel

[blazereef]

lol reminds me of "bloody roar" video game

[yermomsboxx]

Haha...wouldn't it have been more effective if God had just regrown Elisha's hair instead?

[TrollN3m3s1s]

1:19 i declare it .....

1:32 this seems....

what do they say?? anyone? PLEASE??

[jinitron]

@TrollN3m3s1s

1:19 God says "I Declare It ON."

1:32 The slaughtered youth says "This seems a disproportionate response....."

[DuchessPrecious]

Check out "The Holy Foreskin" on YouTube...

[FromyColdeadHands]

This is great.

[RHYMEMAIDEN1]

A deep secret: It was Ewoks what done it! They are evil little fuckers, and they brought down an empire.

[FractalHelix777]

For true poetic justice they should've been mauled by Fuzzy Wuzzy.

[shanelejts]

Christianity is not the only religion, but sadly this is the only religion most people in the Western world know of. Take a moment to expand your knowledge, with sincerity, before claiming certainty over anything. Thanks.

[Akatam0t0ma]

Where is this video from?

[Bonobo3D]

Wonderful production. Good to see smart interpretations squeezing the bullshit out of the bible.

[BrightRaven0]

if you squeeze all the bull shit out, there would be nothing left.

[ReverendAtomSmasher]

A class 3 smiting.

[Jimb0can]

She bears for the win!!

[TheDrunkard1]

The 11th commandment: Do not ye make fun of people's hair (or lack of). For in that day, you will surely DIE.

Along this line, I wonder if the kids in the story had time to repent before they were mauled to death? I guess they get to suffer eternal damnation as well. I'll bet Elisha is feeling pretty good about that, while he's up there kissing ass and drinking mojitos! hehe

[Zlibservacratican]

God is sooo merciful.

[Tuzioya]

Curb stomp for jesus! This video is too good.

[boonw]

lol at the wilhelm scream at 2:15

[dangerouslytalented]

So if any youtube christian troll makes fun of my bald head I should sick the bears on them?

Sweeeeet.

[dangerouslytalented]

@dangerouslytalented ... btw, shockofgod did exactly that.

[dangerouslytalented]

Did you produce this?

If you didnt I would love to subscribe to their channel...

[KillcrazeWoW]

That's some crazy shit up in here.

[TheOmniNerd]

That was AWSOME!

Damn, Colbert was right.

[someotherguy560]

Cannibal Corpse? Lamb of god?

[freethinker3161]

i love that fucking vid, so funny, yet shows gods true nature.

[nekotenma]

If he's so ticked about being bald why not just pray for hair.

[Ravindra9689]

@nekotenma

Indeed, but that would look too easy, not as impressive, that's like me letting carbon monoxide seep into your ventilation system while you sleep...anticlimactic..you know?

[saxmanchiro]

Why summon the bears? Couldn't gawd just blink, like Jeannie, and cap their asses?

[Ravindra9689]

@saxmanchiro

That was actually for you. Lol "Indeed...."

[Krensharpaw]

Remeber, as ukchristian28 says, they deserved to die for the greater good.

[ReligionIsOverrated]

is that sh*t really in the bible?

[Krensharpaw]

Yes, yes it is and ppl defend this.

[HailCthulhu]

"And these children were just right".

[GriffinPilgrim]

Also, how crap a town must Bethel have been if the best thing 42 kids could decide to do was go call someone bald?

[TheShwaNerd]

@GriffinPilgrim

Remember, the bible has been altered a lot to make the word "youths" instead of children. Apparently the story is supposed to be about little kids as opposed to big scary teenagers.

[GriffinPilgrim]

Yeah, I know. Still one crappy, boring town though! Even when I was a kid I found more interesting things to do with my time!

[geminyo]

Heh. tell that to nephilim free. I tried. Saw his verbal acrobatics in action. Somehow, the word "children" was ment to refer to "boys between 12 and 16 years of age"

I couldn't get him to be more spefific on where exactly that interpretation came from.

[damasta00138]

They also altered Judges 1:19. Apparently they changed it to make it seem the army could not stop the chariots from god being unable to stop the chariots.

[direx]

Lol one of the bears did a hadouken! This video definitely gets favorited.

[deconverts]

5* and faved. Creative stuff - you'll not find this in any children's bible.

[thunderpants10]

wicked cool

5/5 and faved

[SliceA1A]

Of course it's faved and five starred, I could do no more and no less

[CuriousMoth]

I have to say, I'm really warming to this God character. I never realised he was this cool.

[ArandurKing909]

He killed little kids....That's coool...

[CuriousMoth]

You know, it's not that he killed the kids that makes him cool, it's that he did it with two enraged bears. I mean, that's pretty hardcore in anyone's book.

[ArandurKing909]

SHE-bears!

[CuriousMoth]

Right! So not only do they kick ass, but they're also sexy.

[Ma2the2WR]

That was a great video!, but when you actually are a young child like the boy in the video, and are told how "God" is all powerful, all knowing, all present. "God" allows Elisha's curse to be fulfilled and the slaughter fest begins. It makes you question "Why did "God" have to kill them, why not make their hair fall out, or something equivalent." If "God" is that angry for a "prophet" being called bald, what will he do to me if I don't do his "will". It feeds the fear and submission to "God".

[lackin124]

Epic lulz

[Katalyzt]

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! That is the fictional judeochristian god for you... It has no understanding. ;O)

Katalyzt

[CyanideSovereign]

Yahwehs Hit-Bears seem so fucking Metal \m/

[BespokeGroupUK]

brilliant

[marc137]

rofl

[Baltican]

Epic.

[NilDesperandum1998]

Brilliant, but I wonder how soon the Fundie fucktards will take to flag this down?!

[CollateralSandwich]

Awesome!

Did you do this, ShwaNerd?

[timbobos]

That. Was. Awesome.

[clawdfrawg]

creeeeepeeey.