Thanks, I don't think I can ever let you know how much you've helped me. I didn't feel so alone in that dark place. I know this is your past, and you've come a long way. Your videos helped me to get to where I am, I just cant thank you enough.
it is amazing how you open yourself to everybody. i usually hide myself when i feel bad and i don't have any serious problems. i admire that from you, i hope you'll be alright...
I am extremely curious about the effects of this dissociation. I have used recreational doses of DXM to achieve a sort of synthetic dissociation, and I wonder, is it anything like this? Does everything seem foreign and strange? Do you understand the concept of "self" while dissociated; or do you feel more like an observant form of consciousness?
i am going to guess you have not seen my recent videos. i am sorry you think my past videos were 'horrible'. reality can be horrible yes, but it is part of my truth, my story, and no matter how horrible things i have said may make you feel, i have helped thousands of people to not feel alone in their struggle. who else can say THAT.
I'm not quite sure... I think many people have helped you not to feel alone in your struggle. Do you think this is the way? I not a few women who are doing it that way, and they all fail because they focus on getting emotional support whenever they can...
others have helped me and i have helped them. there is nothing wrong with getting/needing emotional support at times. relying on others, no, isn't how it should be..which is how people learn to rely on themselves, but when they need a little extra support, why should that be a bad thing? again, watch my videos from this year..i am not the same as i was in 2006-2007. don't base your opinion of me solely on these videos either. i am more than what you see in any of them.
you are helping me, I feel I am not alone... keep up your great work and ignore those who try and bring you down... that is ALL they are good at doing!! You are MUCH better than that.... thank you x
sometimes you have to express the bad first and then you can face the future... please becareful what you say to people as you do not know what stage they are at.....
Beautiful, Ashley! I've only just discovered this video, although I've been watching your other ones for a while. Your writing is so powerful. I hope you'll find it within you to write again someday. Talent like that never disappears, it just gets lost.
who are you to tell me what the world needs and doesn't need? you don't even know me and how i've actually helped people by sharing my experiences. take your crap somewhere else.
Yes, God forbid someone write lovely, moving poetry that just so happens to be about something they're living with and which may help others realize they're not completely alone in this world. How dare she.
Sometimes you need to be just a touch self-pitying because a lot of the time, other people don't pay a lick of attention to you. I'm anorexic, so I know what I'm talking about. People like us are ISOLATED and we need to deal with our issues in this way.
To softballxlove4, why do you feel the need to bring someone down who is obviuosly all ready in pain but is trying to reach out to others? How many decent Poets do you know who don't write about painful things. You just be applauding her for her strength to try to make a change. Honesty is not self pity.
Ashley , your poems and vidoes put me to tears because i tried to get an ED . I'll never know how it feels to be you but i do know how it feels to feel lost , hopeless and to want to die.
i really almost cried in this when i saw you crying.
just remember you've got all us youtubers out here for you. you are such an increadibly brave person to go out her and do this. i realy admire you for it
Hugs Ashley,,,Hang in there hun/... Man you made me cry watching you. I know how it feels Ashley.. Wish I could reach through the screen and give u a hug....
*hugs* i know this is old but i just watched random old ones when i started to watch you....you made me cry...and the funny thing is, i needed to cry right now...but i could feel your pain, and i could see your strength. You Will be ok one day.
I've been down that road before. You are the only one holding yourself back. You can't keep blaming other people for the way you are now. You'll never get better if you don't. I used to blame someone for what they did to me, and that got me no where.
I really wanted to cry after this... I want you to know that your not alone... I'm only 15 but I really do think I know how you feel.. No I don't know what your going through but that's alot differant then knowing how you feel... Life is cruel, life is pointless, but that doesn't mean your not more powerful than life..
I just couldn't stop crying after seeing this video...
Made me so sad... The sadness in your life is so overwhelming!
You must be in the Top 10 most Hardcore persons in the world, to be able to barer all that sadness. If you can barer that, you surly have the power to get better...
Hey, this video truely made me cry...I know how you feel. I honestly do, and I know a lot of people probably tell you that, but I think I honestly do....
Wow.. Good video. You have talent for these videos. Im so sorry you have to go through what your going through. You dont deserve it at all. Just stay strong, Stay positive, and keep ur focus on the future not the past. You can make it through this ashley.. we all have faith in you.
grrr i wish i could help you... just hold on, please don't ever let go. if you need to come to the states for treatment, you should find a way, do whatever you can... i wasa in a program for EDs but the director also runs the anxiety/ panic disorders program. take care ashley... XOXO
not to forget about the point of the video... but the picture at 1:43 is from one of my favorite anime's....LAIN.... its amazing.... anyways.... i wish there was something i could do to help you!
hello miss. I am from the internet. I saw now all the videos from you. They are very sad and they make me sad. Your doctor from your video previous sounds very ill and I understand your feeling. Our doctors are bad like your doctors. Too, I have suggestions. Please to use a notepad to write down your ideas. You will not forget your ideas as easy during the videos you make. Too, obtain a hobby. Thank you. -Ludwig
Ashley ... Please read my messages to you ... I know you must be overwhelmed by comments ... but I have a lot to share with you with respect to your struggles ...
hey I just saw all ur videos keep ur head up I`ve been down that depression raod before altho I dont act like it if u ever need someone to talk to I always here and if u watch my videos hopefully they will get to cheer up take care :-D
I was just wondering how much of your life is tied up in being anorexic? I am asking simply because videoblogging - as any form of diary-making, is supposed to be a life representation, and yet your videos (although you are by no means alone in this) simply focus on your life as a manifestation of your disease. Is this because anorexia is an all-consuming feature of your life, or is vide-blogging simply self-serving?
omg i love u, i just love u , its good to see whats inside me (or us, we all share this to extent) described by some one else,this so real, thank u, message me plz if u want to talk..plz
I know exactly how you feel. Because I've been through the same thing. I can tell by looking at you. There's no way of turning back time. And there's no way of changing what's happened. And that's one of the things i hate about myself. If only i'd bee in control back then. But you are the one who is holding the light at the end of the tunnel. Because in the future, you are in control. And you can always look back at yourself and know you've made it this far. It gets easier. I promise. Z
Ashley, if I could help you pick up the pieces of glass as you put on the slide I would. I understand that you are the only one who can make the journey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will make it there. Derek
I was going to do i video response but Im crying.I want to tell you that You are so pretty n lovely. i feel as if a know you, mabe this is bcoz i feel the same. feel free to contact me angorabunnies@msn.com i hope you chose too.
what song is that? Awe Hugs you actually made me tear up and I don't cry. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you are ridden from this disease soon. I also hope that you can cheer up. Was that your poem? Your really talented when it comes to writting.
My heart goes out to you Ash... very moving vide. It says alot about how much you are hurting inside. I wish it didnt happen to you. I pray that you can escape all of this. keep your chin up Ashley...you're wonderful!
Absolutely incredible music choice. And yes, that is Plumb. The song is called "I Can't Do This" off the Chaotic Resolve disc. Great GREAT track. I love all of Plumb's stuff. She's a Christian artist that looks at Christianity from a real life point of view. And, I love her for that.
Just hold on. You will make it through this. I know you can do it!
Thanks, I don't think I can ever let you know how much you've helped me. I didn't feel so alone in that dark place. I know this is your past, and you've come a long way. Your videos helped me to get to where I am, I just cant thank you enough.
Phillip1220 9 months ago
@Phillip1220 i'm glad i can help people somehow.
justagurl23 9 months ago
it is amazing how you open yourself to everybody. i usually hide myself when i feel bad and i don't have any serious problems. i admire that from you, i hope you'll be alright...
luvladanz 2 years ago 5
I am extremely curious about the effects of this dissociation. I have used recreational doses of DXM to achieve a sort of synthetic dissociation, and I wonder, is it anything like this? Does everything seem foreign and strange? Do you understand the concept of "self" while dissociated; or do you feel more like an observant form of consciousness?
DeusEbrius 2 years ago
channel the pain into positivity.
think of all the lives you can impact and change.
all the good you can do is never ending.
helping others and the amazing way it makes you feel can balance out the pain.
dayshaa 2 years ago
You're videos are not beautiful. They are horrible.
Go the other way! Face your feelings, thoughts and behaviours. Stand up. Don't think, wait and be stuck anymore!!!!
Get all the shit away from you. Where is your life? It's close!
Stingerfyle 2 years ago
i am going to guess you have not seen my recent videos. i am sorry you think my past videos were 'horrible'. reality can be horrible yes, but it is part of my truth, my story, and no matter how horrible things i have said may make you feel, i have helped thousands of people to not feel alone in their struggle. who else can say THAT.
justagurl23 2 years ago
I'm not quite sure... I think many people have helped you not to feel alone in your struggle. Do you think this is the way? I not a few women who are doing it that way, and they all fail because they focus on getting emotional support whenever they can...
Stingerfyle 2 years ago
others have helped me and i have helped them. there is nothing wrong with getting/needing emotional support at times. relying on others, no, isn't how it should be..which is how people learn to rely on themselves, but when they need a little extra support, why should that be a bad thing? again, watch my videos from this year..i am not the same as i was in 2006-2007. don't base your opinion of me solely on these videos either. i am more than what you see in any of them.
justagurl23 2 years ago
you are helping me, I feel I am not alone... keep up your great work and ignore those who try and bring you down... that is ALL they are good at doing!! You are MUCH better than that.... thank you x
Totothemonkey 2 years ago
sometimes you have to express the bad first and then you can face the future... please becareful what you say to people as you do not know what stage they are at.....
Totothemonkey 2 years ago
beautiful awesome XD
SwissBajee 2 years ago
Beautiful, Ashley! I've only just discovered this video, although I've been watching your other ones for a while. Your writing is so powerful. I hope you'll find it within you to write again someday. Talent like that never disappears, it just gets lost.
Sociology88 2 years ago
what is this song?
CrystallineLustre 3 years ago
dramatic
Laurenan69 3 years ago
Thanks for sharing hun' Your in my thoughts. A sister survivor {{{snuggles}}}
godsteddy 3 years ago
Man this is a seriously beautful video. Its so awesome when you see a video where someone has tatally encapsulated what you feel. Thanks mate.
BTW you are really beautiful :-)
xxx
kasiapixie 3 years ago
BEAUTIFUL
ItWasntMeAgain 3 years ago
yea dont cry; i hope u get better and healthier
Chickenalfreado 3 years ago
Wow. I've been watching your videos for about a year now, but I never saw this one until today. Very powerful. Well done. Your words speak volumes.
canadianchick74 3 years ago 4
PLUMB IS MY FAVORITE
I was unaware that anyone else actually knew this music!
I loved the slideshow with the song, it was great.
Sderoz07 3 years ago
You are a wonderful, beautiful, amazing person. I am weak, and it's stregthening to see your videos.
jassenll 3 years ago
you are a very talented poet.... but i don't think the world needs more self pitying people like you.
softballxlove4 4 years ago
who are you to tell me what the world needs and doesn't need? you don't even know me and how i've actually helped people by sharing my experiences. take your crap somewhere else.
justagurl23 4 years ago
Yes, God forbid someone write lovely, moving poetry that just so happens to be about something they're living with and which may help others realize they're not completely alone in this world. How dare she.
Sometimes you need to be just a touch self-pitying because a lot of the time, other people don't pay a lick of attention to you. I'm anorexic, so I know what I'm talking about. People like us are ISOLATED and we need to deal with our issues in this way.
Myaneexperience 3 years ago
To softballxlove4, why do you feel the need to bring someone down who is obviuosly all ready in pain but is trying to reach out to others? How many decent Poets do you know who don't write about painful things. You just be applauding her for her strength to try to make a change. Honesty is not self pity.
kasiapixie 3 years ago
no- the world doesn't need arrogant assholes like you.. open your fucking eyes
jaybridget 3 years ago
i feel for u
rally
I DO
queenbie3 4 years ago
What's this song??
izek666 4 years ago
'I can't do this' by Plumb
justagurl23 4 years ago
you're very beautiful and deep, very talented, hang in there..the world needs people like you...you make others feel alive...feel it!
regina5959 4 years ago 2
Hun your beautiful,amazing!
No matter what you will have help.
WickedThoughts666 4 years ago
Stunning. Talented you are.
777divine 4 years ago
We're all here for yah Hang in there
stuffysteph3 4 years ago
Ashley , your poems and vidoes put me to tears because i tried to get an ED . I'll never know how it feels to be you but i do know how it feels to feel lost , hopeless and to want to die.
tinagiuta 4 years ago
I know how you feel. I go through it every single day. SI, ED, feeling lost...
I love your poems.
Take care.
avpd85 4 years ago
i really almost cried in this when i saw you crying.
just remember you've got all us youtubers out here for you. you are such an increadibly brave person to go out her and do this. i realy admire you for it
CaeliCelina 4 years ago
how do you favorite a video?
owenbigpinekey 4 years ago
you will feel again my sweet
slimsavvy7 5 years ago
Thats a path I have trodden. Tim xxx
tryuk 5 years ago
Pssstttt wanna know a secret?
You Can Do This !!!
After all , aint no one gonna doit for you ;)
AussieBloke67 5 years ago
Hugs Ashley,,,Hang in there hun/... Man you made me cry watching you. I know how it feels Ashley.. Wish I could reach through the screen and give u a hug....
skinney4life 5 years ago
Beneath the tears I see a very strong and determined woman and someone who is fearfully and wonderfully made. Shalom;) Much Luv
amistrongenough 5 years ago
*hugs* i know this is old but i just watched random old ones when i started to watch you....you made me cry...and the funny thing is, i needed to cry right now...but i could feel your pain, and i could see your strength. You Will be ok one day.
xXParadoXx 5 years ago
I've been down that road before. You are the only one holding yourself back. You can't keep blaming other people for the way you are now. You'll never get better if you don't. I used to blame someone for what they did to me, and that got me no where.
AlmostAlive502 5 years ago
I really wanted to cry after this... I want you to know that your not alone... I'm only 15 but I really do think I know how you feel.. No I don't know what your going through but that's alot differant then knowing how you feel... Life is cruel, life is pointless, but that doesn't mean your not more powerful than life..
ZEBDER 5 years ago
Oh, oh, and who was the song by?
LittleLissette 5 years ago
That was intense, Ash. Took my breath away. My heart ached when I saw you upset. Heartbreakingly beautiful.
LittleLissette 5 years ago
So sad... yet so amazing...
alwaysxnever 5 years ago
:( Hits very close to home..i cried.
nayomee77 5 years ago
I just couldn't stop crying after seeing this video...
Made me so sad... The sadness in your life is so overwhelming!
You must be in the Top 10 most Hardcore persons in the world, to be able to barer all that sadness. If you can barer that, you surly have the power to get better...
GoldenGnu 5 years ago
Hey, this video truely made me cry...I know how you feel. I honestly do, and I know a lot of people probably tell you that, but I think I honestly do....
tripurity 5 years ago
That was sad...you make good movies...=)
CellThePeacefull 5 years ago
Wow.. Good video. You have talent for these videos. Im so sorry you have to go through what your going through. You dont deserve it at all. Just stay strong, Stay positive, and keep ur focus on the future not the past. You can make it through this ashley.. we all have faith in you.
adorableklutz 5 years ago
grrr i wish i could help you... just hold on, please don't ever let go. if you need to come to the states for treatment, you should find a way, do whatever you can... i wasa in a program for EDs but the director also runs the anxiety/ panic disorders program. take care ashley... XOXO
twiggypiggy84 5 years ago
This is a perfect example of taking a raw emotion that
feels like it sucks into something wonderfully creative!
WELL DONE!!! And thank you for sharing YOUR Art! *S*
dyahna 5 years ago
not to forget about the point of the video... but the picture at 1:43 is from one of my favorite anime's....LAIN.... its amazing.... anyways.... i wish there was something i could do to help you!
XOblivion6X 5 years ago
hello miss. I am from the internet. I saw now all the videos from you. They are very sad and they make me sad. Your doctor from your video previous sounds very ill and I understand your feeling. Our doctors are bad like your doctors. Too, I have suggestions. Please to use a notepad to write down your ideas. You will not forget your ideas as easy during the videos you make. Too, obtain a hobby. Thank you. -Ludwig
ludwigious 5 years ago
don' t cry. i can't see that you cry and feel sad and or lonely. everything will change and then things will become better
TramausF 5 years ago
Great video, Ashley. Best wishes, -Mike
Psychd77 5 years ago
Ashley ... Please read my messages to you ... I know you must be overwhelmed by comments ... but I have a lot to share with you with respect to your struggles ...
Patrick
pob706 5 years ago
hey I just saw all ur videos keep ur head up I`ve been down that depression raod before altho I dont act like it if u ever need someone to talk to I always here and if u watch my videos hopefully they will get to cheer up take care :-D
thedemonicjester13 5 years ago
Ashley,
I was just wondering how much of your life is tied up in being anorexic? I am asking simply because videoblogging - as any form of diary-making, is supposed to be a life representation, and yet your videos (although you are by no means alone in this) simply focus on your life as a manifestation of your disease. Is this because anorexia is an all-consuming feature of your life, or is vide-blogging simply self-serving?
kawamie 5 years ago
Is your judgemental attitude an all-consuming feature of your life, or is your comment simply self serving?
oncehopeless 5 years ago
omg i love u, i just love u , its good to see whats inside me (or us, we all share this to extent) described by some one else,this so real, thank u, message me plz if u want to talk..plz
josmuse 5 years ago
I know exactly how you feel. Because I've been through the same thing. I can tell by looking at you. There's no way of turning back time. And there's no way of changing what's happened. And that's one of the things i hate about myself. If only i'd bee in control back then. But you are the one who is holding the light at the end of the tunnel. Because in the future, you are in control. And you can always look back at yourself and know you've made it this far. It gets easier. I promise. Z
zephyrsonus 5 years ago
cheers Ashley... you're awesome. Great video hun. Keep your chin up.
pongman 5 years ago
u just have to find way to express ypur sely ;) hold on :)
LUKAvac 5 years ago
Ashley, if I could help you pick up the pieces of glass as you put on the slide I would. I understand that you are the only one who can make the journey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will make it there. Derek
drcoz 5 years ago
great slideshow!
gemma30 5 years ago
Beautiful. Your talent is outstanding, even if you can't see it right now. I really hope you are able to break free from all this pain. ~hugs~
BeeBoo311 5 years ago
I was going to do i video response but Im crying.I want to tell you that You are so pretty n lovely. i feel as if a know you, mabe this is bcoz i feel the same. feel free to contact me angorabunnies@msn.com i hope you chose too.
jessieleef 5 years ago
Wow this made me cry i share ur pain and i hope u can get through it and finally be happy.
fontario4 5 years ago
wow-that was very good. very real and emotional.
catalina84 5 years ago
Wow, Ash that was so raw. Thanks for being open, hopefully this can be some sort of outlet for you
blessed923 5 years ago
what song is that? Awe Hugs you actually made me tear up and I don't cry. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you are ridden from this disease soon. I also hope that you can cheer up. Was that your poem? Your really talented when it comes to writting.
<3
jaz0188 5 years ago
Plumb - I Can't Do This
It's off the Chaotic Resolve disc
CatchFlipsidE 5 years ago
thanks!
jaz0188 5 years ago
you're beautiful, take care of yourself.. you are needed in this life...
kyloobie 5 years ago
My heart goes out to you Ash... very moving vide. It says alot about how much you are hurting inside. I wish it didnt happen to you. I pray that you can escape all of this. keep your chin up Ashley...you're wonderful!
pongman 5 years ago
Absolutely incredible music choice. And yes, that is Plumb. The song is called "I Can't Do This" off the Chaotic Resolve disc. Great GREAT track. I love all of Plumb's stuff. She's a Christian artist that looks at Christianity from a real life point of view. And, I love her for that.
Just hold on. You will make it through this. I know you can do it!
CatchFlipsidE 5 years ago
You're an amazing artist. Your work is so expressive and moving. Incidentally, is your soundtrack recorded by a group called Plumb?
courtneyblair 5 years ago
Hugs - Sorry you have suffered so much! - it is good though you can do these videos :-) best of luck XxX
superchickybabe 5 years ago