Great video. Perhaps the discomfort comes from people's uncertainty when choosing potential mates. I imagine that most people, consciously or not, prefer to know exactly what gender sits across the table from them to minimize confusion. If you've ever seen a really "masculine" man mistake another man for an attractive woman, and the frustration that follows, you will catch my drift.
Short of religious dogma I think the reasons people feel thrown off by it are insecurity in their own gender identity and/or some degree of homophobia.
I am very open and accepting of gender variance for the most part, and have dated trans women and one of my previous business partners changed from female to male. I am also attracted somewhat to androgyny. However I occasionally get thrown off by it myself depending on circumstances.
I guess two things can crawl under my skin. The first is people who are really pushy in their gender expression, Where they're crossing gender lines not as personal expression but in an effort to make a statement for the express purpose of causing people to feel uncomfortable. This is also why I'm uncomfortable with gay pride parades when people waltz around in bondage gear. These people drive pop culture making fun of gender variance, and they cause people to be less accepting.
The second thing that bothers me is that I feel uncomfortable when my gender identity gets questioned simply because I'm willing to date and be friends with trans people. I identify as bi but really I am pansexual and don't buy into the whole binary gender thing. I believe it mostly has to do with childhood trauma because I was born intersexed and so am somewhat less secure in my femininity than "normal' girls, yet I certainly have never felt "masculine" just less feminine.
So I guess to clarify the second part I get anxious when I'm out and about with someone who is gender variant because then if someone figures out something about the person I'm with it can make me really uncomfortable because I feel like my gender identity is also being put up for scrutiny.
I'm perfectly comfortable with people being the opposite of what their "supposed" to be. Or dressing in drag etc. I did not know that there were people who were in between however. Not against it. Just unaware.
(2/2) I myself am attracted to people not because of their gender identity but because of their personality etc. I agree with you that people seem to be more comfortable with my referring to myself as being gay than as being someone who sometimes feels like neither a man nor a woman. However I have learned to accept that it is difficult for many people who have been brought up in households where gender IS binary I don't blame these people (or their parents) but I do try to educate them.
I have never felt attracted to a man but though it would surprise me if it happened it wouldn't shock me.
Of course the main reason for feeling attracted to someone is because of their personality, etc. It is just that I have only ever felt physically attracted to women with a certain amount of 'boyishness' in their behaviour and interests.
My current partner is bi-sexual and I have never thought of that as threatening or awkward, inspite of the common preconceptions about bi-sexuals.
(1/2) I think that gender identity in the western world is a lot better than in some of the rest of the world. It may not be accepted everywhere but I reckon there to be more acceptance of non-binary gender identities in the western world. In overly religious countries/cultures I imagine there to be many individuals who are scared to be their true selves for fear of the discrimination they would face.
I myself am completely comfortable with people of any gender identity.
For a notable exception look into the concept of Two-Spirit AKA Berdache among indigenous cultures of the Americas. The Wikipedia entry for "Two-Spirit" gives a nice overview.
I am sure there are more examples of recent or historical "non-western" non-binary attitudes towards gender but this one is particularly well-known.
EXCELLENT video , and i mean it's so true. there are physical differences/trends between sexes, but i don't think there are objectively genders it's just what we create and therefore there can be more. i mean, even with those tribes in africa there are tribes there where all the males wear makeup, act emotional, even have beauty contests and the females are dominant , propose to them, gather the food etc...
Great video. Perhaps the discomfort comes from people's uncertainty when choosing potential mates. I imagine that most people, consciously or not, prefer to know exactly what gender sits across the table from them to minimize confusion. If you've ever seen a really "masculine" man mistake another man for an attractive woman, and the frustration that follows, you will catch my drift.
DirtyBriefcase 2 years ago
Thanks for posting this video. I favorited it.
Short of religious dogma I think the reasons people feel thrown off by it are insecurity in their own gender identity and/or some degree of homophobia.
I am very open and accepting of gender variance for the most part, and have dated trans women and one of my previous business partners changed from female to male. I am also attracted somewhat to androgyny. However I occasionally get thrown off by it myself depending on circumstances.
enigmatically 2 years ago
I guess two things can crawl under my skin. The first is people who are really pushy in their gender expression, Where they're crossing gender lines not as personal expression but in an effort to make a statement for the express purpose of causing people to feel uncomfortable. This is also why I'm uncomfortable with gay pride parades when people waltz around in bondage gear. These people drive pop culture making fun of gender variance, and they cause people to be less accepting.
enigmatically 2 years ago
The second thing that bothers me is that I feel uncomfortable when my gender identity gets questioned simply because I'm willing to date and be friends with trans people. I identify as bi but really I am pansexual and don't buy into the whole binary gender thing. I believe it mostly has to do with childhood trauma because I was born intersexed and so am somewhat less secure in my femininity than "normal' girls, yet I certainly have never felt "masculine" just less feminine.
enigmatically 2 years ago
So I guess to clarify the second part I get anxious when I'm out and about with someone who is gender variant because then if someone figures out something about the person I'm with it can make me really uncomfortable because I feel like my gender identity is also being put up for scrutiny.
enigmatically 2 years ago
Thank you for sharing this Dear. I know it wasn't an easy topic.
tetsubo57 2 years ago
Well I'm glad everyone commenting here is so accepting but they didn't really answer your question so I tried to :)
enigmatically 2 years ago
I'm perfectly comfortable with people being the opposite of what their "supposed" to be. Or dressing in drag etc. I did not know that there were people who were in between however. Not against it. Just unaware.
Alakov 2 years ago
(2/2) I myself am attracted to people not because of their gender identity but because of their personality etc. I agree with you that people seem to be more comfortable with my referring to myself as being gay than as being someone who sometimes feels like neither a man nor a woman. However I have learned to accept that it is difficult for many people who have been brought up in households where gender IS binary I don't blame these people (or their parents) but I do try to educate them.
AlexDarko1991 2 years ago
I once knew a lesbian that said she had on occasion taken men as lovers. Not because they were men, but because she was attracted to them as *people*.
Regardless of who you pick Dear, they should consider themselves lucky. :)
tetsubo57 2 years ago
I have never felt attracted to a man but though it would surprise me if it happened it wouldn't shock me.
Of course the main reason for feeling attracted to someone is because of their personality, etc. It is just that I have only ever felt physically attracted to women with a certain amount of 'boyishness' in their behaviour and interests.
My current partner is bi-sexual and I have never thought of that as threatening or awkward, inspite of the common preconceptions about bi-sexuals.
VoraxTranstellaris 2 years ago
(1/2) I think that gender identity in the western world is a lot better than in some of the rest of the world. It may not be accepted everywhere but I reckon there to be more acceptance of non-binary gender identities in the western world. In overly religious countries/cultures I imagine there to be many individuals who are scared to be their true selves for fear of the discrimination they would face.
I myself am completely comfortable with people of any gender identity.
AlexDarko1991 2 years ago
For a notable exception look into the concept of Two-Spirit AKA Berdache among indigenous cultures of the Americas. The Wikipedia entry for "Two-Spirit" gives a nice overview.
I am sure there are more examples of recent or historical "non-western" non-binary attitudes towards gender but this one is particularly well-known.
VoraxTranstellaris 2 years ago
Comment removed
VoraxTranstellaris 2 years ago
EXCELLENT video , and i mean it's so true. there are physical differences/trends between sexes, but i don't think there are objectively genders it's just what we create and therefore there can be more. i mean, even with those tribes in africa there are tribes there where all the males wear makeup, act emotional, even have beauty contests and the females are dominant , propose to them, gather the food etc...
devaloki 2 years ago