Britain's Hardest Screenwipe

[SMuJ17]

I couldn't stop staring at the nipples...

[ellagrace810]

did someone hard steal charlie's shirt?

[animequeen20012003]

Why did Charlie Brooker present with his shirt off?

[Grundibular]

The hard men are going to come round and kick your back doors in.

[Albylion]

Being hard can open the back door.

[rocksygti]

shit i was looking for a vid demonstrating wipes for your computer or phone screen.

[Neonman78]

Britain's 'ardest

[geoffwoade]

the best screenwipe clip ever

[MrAnthropophagy]

Can't believe people actually watch programs like 'Britain's hardest'.

[xIIKayze]

"this ring is big enough for two hard men"

[BoyofmanyNames]

I bet Charlie is harder for watching all these hard men.

[jimmyshitbags]

the bloke who presents britains hardest is the absolute DOUBLE of my dad, slightly similar voice too.

[alanwakeish]

Britains hardest or what it should have been called Britains biggest dickheads

[DeadlyNightShade60]

Being HARD can open alot of doors for you he he he

Proving your HARD can open alot of doors for me XD lol

[soupalex]

@DeadlyNightShade60 Ah, but there's always someone who's that little bit harder. Ahem.

Do you suppose this was aimed at men who consider themselves quite hard? Or men who thought that watching it would make them harder? *giggles uncontrollably*

[cruellordsoth]

long, hard SKY ONE thats some high class programming there

[popazz1]

Mr.Konnie.Huq!

[spursfan112]

I shat myself laughing when I saw bill mitchell!

[Sachie63]

oh no, next time someone says hard, i won't be able to stop myself from laughing

[HLecterPHD]

that program was one of the biggest (double) facepalm moments of my life.

my face felt like some 'ard men had actually smashed it in - but it was from cringing to the point of tears.

hyper-fail.

[Elastane]

ahh.



[illuminatusds]

I read both the Grauniad and The Eye. And I like both Brooker and VLS. They're both very, very funny and extremely incisive. It's not like it's an either/or thing, is it?

[graemeoliver84]

@Mrfikus1000 He said the presenter of the show (who plays Phil Mitchell in Eastenders) was wheezy (as in; often out of breath)

[t0mme1981]

Victor Lewis Smith is so much more incisive and funnier than Brooker. Oh and Brooker is also a self-absorbed cunt.

[graemeoliver84]

@t0mme1981 Is he really... so where is he now?

[t0mme1981]

@graemeoliver84: Victor Lewis Smith is a journalist for Private Eye, amongst other things. As a Heat reader, I doubt you've read any of his stuff.

[Liam0125]

I love how he just does the TV show at home in his boxers xD Rofl

[GERBOY90]

when he mentioned hard as a metaphor for erection the rest of the video was stupidly funny

[innit27]

u want some

yes

[AnishaLeahB]

This is so funny, L-O-V-E BROOKER funny as ever<3

[TheNigerianScammer]

I was on this show i came 3rd in one episode, but i won the Nigerian version.

[EbsNhexz]

@TheNigerianScammer I think you forgot to write that part about wanting to transfer a fictional amount of money into my account..

[pandadardar]

its been long and its been hard....

[Spfourl]

Watching this made me hard

[theravendemon]

Which episode is this?

[bigcherry99]

'hard' is a euphemism for erect LOL

[nomdeplume72]

There are no less than 237 dick jokes in this clip, haha...

[FrazzleAndTheWolf]

Take the rest off.

[The9thAvenger]

What they gonna do, come round and kick my door in?

RAWR SMASH!

Ah...

[Idnarmadur]

I love how Madonna goes perfectly with that show lol

[emtave2008]

@Idnarmadur It's Abba - "Gimme Gimme Gimme (a Man After Midnight)" - Madonna only sampled it.

[kendohmassif]

Didn't Thom Yorke do the drowning yourself in a helmet thing for the 'No Surprises' video? He coulda been a contender! He coulda been somebody!

[Terramax]

@kendohmassif

He also chucked himself head first off a caravan in 'Fade Out', so unless these guys can perform that stunt better, winner by default, right?

[cyborgtroy]

@kendohmassif - Instead of a bum, which is what he is.

[graemeoliver84]

About whether or not Steve McFadden (Phil Mitchell) is hard, I read somewhere that he has an unusually high alcohol tolerance.

[Larazoma]

@graemeoliver84 I would too if I had to spend as much time on East Enders as he had. :D

[FUGlitchyLogin]

I remember the first time I watched this clip, afterwards I Iooked through a few vids of this show lead by the uks most bronchial man with an imaginary mini brooker on my shoulder with a pitchfork constantly stabbing me in the head going, "see what I mean" and each scene and I could not help but giggle.

[squonkynut]

Thats it. I'm officially in love with Cahrlie Brooker! More shirtless-ness please :D

[naraic1020]

Wow, Ian Freeman, that's embarrassing for him

[CarloTheGambino]

he appears to have not one but two xbox remotes on his table - weird

[nacaaswanacas]

he hasnt got great chest ...please cover up

[ServantOfAllah0264]

weazy...loool

[ServantOfAllah0264]

this is absolutely hilarious, with all those sexual comments this programme is so unserious

[BumperSticker95]

I read about this show in his Screen Wipe column. That article is hilarious also, I recommend looking it up.

[0djin]

I can't be the only one that wants to see him take the piss out of Danny Dyer. as his "auto"biography states he's "Britians Toughest Star"

[AdzTurner]

"What are they going to do, kick my door in?

Oh..."

[iamcaesar2]

Its 3.30am, I'm in a shared house and I very nearly woke everyone up with my gaffaws. Had to reign em in.

[DidntKnowWhatToPut1]

"This ring is only big enough for 2 hard men" I LOL'D!

[lrb662003]

I hope Charlie does a new series soon.........I'm not even bothered what series, everything he does is awesome.

[SmileyGremlin]

Surprisingly yummy looking :9

[stupidintellect90]

AAAAAAHHHHHH I cannot stand Phil Mitchell the character and the guy...i want to puke all over him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Booshie321]

mhm lady boner material (and gay x)

[zionravescene]

LOL, Status Quo music.

[cloclo902003]

It could open a lot of back doors

[AnimalNitrates]

"It's been long, and it's been hard."

Haha xD

[RustiSwordz]

Charlie Brooker is a knob, however sometimes you need a knob to tell it like it is. In that respect Brooker is a legend!

[jimmyshitbags]

hahaha i was laughing at "fronted by phil mitchell"

[GimmeChoclat]

This ring is is only big enough for two hard men. I'm one.

Are you?

[Yammahoo]

"What they goona do, kick me door in?

Ah..."

[amayagab]

I am so hard right now. Soooooooooooooooo haaaard!

[MotivationFilms]

...ah

[PurushaDesa]

"I see."

LOL!

[estherfreak]

Naked Charlie. I want it.

[xtappas]

ridiculous show...

[paulbottomley42]

This looks like one of the worst shows ever made. Or it would be if it weren't for Eastenders.

I have to find it.

[tenseman08]

proving your hard could open a lot of doors for me..loooooooooooooooooooooooll­llllll

[yellowcougar18]

Wow, this show is really, truly overly gay. Funny commentary by brooker.

[steph895]

i laughed so hard!  'this ring is only big enough for two hard men. I'm one!' lol

[SeungYeonLove]

Can somebody please explain to me why he's presenting this without his top?? who wants to see his hairy giant man boobs?

[Blacknarcissa]

@SeungYeonLove He doesn't do it often that I can remember. He's just supposed to be a guy making hilarious comments on tv programs. Doesn't bother me.

[SubconsciousAlive]

@SeungYeonLove I can't remember why, but he decided that he was going to do an episode topless. There was a reason, a funny reason, but I can't remember it.

[SoylentGreeeen]

@SeungYeonLove Because he's HARD.

[tuleo554]

the bouncers are my dad and uncle lol

[culturalimperialist]

Which ep was this?

[simpsonsdiva]

Agreed on more shirtless Charlie *drools into the keyboard*

[DODODADATUMTEETAAA]

@simpsonsdiva You gals are weird! lol! Love Charlie B though he's so funny

[shamblestonite]

Haha spot on Charlie! I've always thought these programmes are for men who desire to prove their gender type to the extreme as they're insecure about their sexuality, funnily they're also the stereotypical gaybashers, nevertheless my gay mates love Ross kemp an al the 'ard programmes lol

[MrVoxvires]

Lol @ at the hard is a euphanisim for erect!

[OneAndForAll]

What are they gunna do? Come round and kick my door in?

*montage of door kicking lessons*

Oh

[LuaFantastic]

I rather like shirtless Charlie ... More please ...

[Reneelawrence666]

@LuaFantastic hell yeah!

[coruscantplanet]

"There's only room on here for two hard men. I'm one." "Are you?"

[gazlethem]

It's satire you shitfuck.

[andywaggott]

Are you a real person? I hope you're taking the piss.

[contheawesome]

im gonna senselessly point out that u spelt Britain wrong :D

anyway, absolutely love charlie Brooker cheers for uploading ^^

[fragiledog]

Bleh, I was drunk when I posted this, drunk off stella, cause i'm "hard"!

[contheawesome]

XD not stella :P that stuff's for football nutters and the mentally insane

[Probablyacowtbh]

@fragiledog Cor, that 'is 'ard.... *blinks* 'arrrrrr

[perky596]

@contheawesome I'm gonna point out that you spelled 'spelled' wrong. Spelt is a type of wheat. PEDANT FAIL.

[PurushaDesa]

@perky596

Well I don't know how they used it, but 'spelt' is a word I use all the time. A small double tap over it, brings up an Oxford American Dictionary with the definition :

'Chiefly British. Past and past participle of 'spell'.' Didn't know the wheat thing though.

[1step2far4now]

@perky596 It's only a wheat if you use the noun form, otherwise it has the same meaning as 'spelled', much like 'tire', 'tyre'. Try again.

[barrieboy58]

Yeh the song is madonna

[CinematicallyUnhappy]

the song? it's an abba song. not entirely sure on the title. gimme gimme gimme I think.

[fragiledog]

Its a madonna song, can't remeber the title.

[thesimplesimon]

It is that Madonna song that's got a sample from the Abba song gimme, gimme, gimme.

[TorchicLCM]

Nope, it's Abba's " gimme a man after midnight" I don't know if that's the title but it is the chorus :3

[ericunderscores]

Hung Up by Madonna from Confessions on a Dance Floor. I used SoundHound on my Android phone to ID this song by holding my phone up to my speaker.

[p3rs0nan0ngrata]

@ericunderscores

That's nothing like sitting at your Apple in Starbucks telling your mate on the iphone that you're jumping between your first novel and the end of year company report in a loud voice

[TheWinterFactory]

@fragiledog madonna sampled it from abba... 'ARDDDDDD

[pw3uk]

@fragiledog Madonna sampled it. OP is correct

[haku8645]

@fragiledog The Abba song was the original. However you're right, this version is "Hung Up" by Madonna

[RikiTikiTavi91]

@fragiledog I know it's really gay to know this but it is abba and Madona sampled it. there I hate myself...

[medwaystudios]

@fragiledog madonna sampled abba

[MrPoundNote]

@fragiledog That melody is from Gimme Gimme Gimme though, Madonna sampled it for Hung Up on You

[TheCoffee195]

@fragiledog it's definitely Gimme Gimme Gimme from Abba :) maybe Madonna covered it?

[SunStridar]

@TheCoffee195 I'm not sure about covering it, but she definitely used the tune on one of her songs.

[Sesquipedaliantique]

@fragiledog Hung Up by Madonna. I used to work in a music shop where we'd be subjected to it at least five times a day :(

[fieldfane]

Anyone know the name of the song at 0:41?

[AlanRickmanFan1122]

Hung Up by Madonna. :)

[garethac81]

"It's been long...and it's been hard."

*titter*

[wrongheadedfool]

Great video. What was the song starting around 0:38?

[fragiledog]

Madonna - Hung up :X

[Raditzize]

@wrongheadedfool ABBA Gimme Gimme Gimme

[boukill]

This ring is only big enough for two hard men, I'm one!

[Nogli]

Are you?

[Delexo]

"It's been long and it's been hard"

I couldn't stop laughing.

[ScarlariaTV]

"I'm not really scared of these men.. What are they gonna do? Kick my door in?!"

...

"Oh..."

[PurushaDesa]

"It's been long. An it's been aaard."

I nearly died at that! Do you know what you're saying Phil?!

[dontleademsomuch]

the guy who made britain's hardest is a genius on chris morris' level. it's a comedy right??

[specopsangheili]

Haha go Charlie!

[01Vortex]

ahahahahaha phil mitchell?? what a cunt Charlie Brooker FTW

[Rachmanomaniac]

Fucking hilarious! I want Charlie Brooker not that tosser Clarkson!

[soulofshiver]

I like how Phil Mitchell's real name is never given.

[Oronare]

The sad thing is, none of them could put a scratch on a 5foot 4 skinny chinese man who is over double their age. Real HARD :D

[waheiki]

What!

[Oronare]

None of these so called "hard men" could get anywhere near certain people - such as an 80yr gung fu master in China :) or a lot of other older people in such countries. These guys arent "hard" at all, they're posers.

[JonathanBloggs]

lmao - you actually believe that? I guess the reason MMA isn't dominated by old kung fu masters is because they are above it or they are afraid of killing them or somesuch bullshit right?

Find me proof of any living old kung fu guy ever winning a fight, go on, i challenge you. I'm laying down the gauntlet, bring me proof.

Just search youtube and you'll find dozens of vids of kung fu masters getting their asses kicked.

[JonathanBloggs]

what did he ever win?

[JonathanBloggs]

Uhu, except he's dead, and he never fought anybody of note, and his movies all sucked....but yeah good example.

Also note that bruce lee was buff as hell and not some crusty old man like the guy above was talking about

[JonathanBloggs]

A common tactic of people who don't have a good argument is trying to look like you're above it all by being dismissive and condescending without actually addressing any points.

[JonathanBloggs]

I do respect large element of what bruce lee did, but unlike you fucking true believer fanboys I'm not too busy sucking a corpse's cock to criticise him either

[boiledelephant]

Oh, but Bloggs, he was in FILMS! And he had PECS and stuff, and went HYYAA really, really loud while doing manly things!

CLEARLY HE IS A HERO

[JonathanBloggs]

Oh yeah, those mythical street fights that there are no record of. I'm undefeated at street fighting with a record of 5935-0-0 all of them by heart explosion. Prove me wrong.

Fucking Tank Abbot was a street fighter. Kimbo Slice was a street fighter. Street fighting means jack shit.

[carbonstixdrummer]

he doesnt rele seem hard at all just... wheazy

[joepickard]

hahaha, phil mitchell.

[AdzTurner]

The end bit is fucking awesome! "What are they going to do, come round and kick my foor in?... Uh!"

[ddpl365]

as soon as he mentioned the sexual innuendo thing, I could help but giggle every time that bald guy said 'hard'

[Hellotheres]

this ring is only big enough for two hard men...

OH GOD

[bobzilla211]

phil mitchell was beaten by his wife

[TheAnxiousMan]

Smashing cars...? Jesus Christ.

[JyginsGreenBird]

Oh god. So gay.

[CssAfc]

"theres only room for two hard men in this ring, and im one of them"

he's the giver then...

[evansn79]

whats the song playing when there in the ring.

[balderk42]

The Doors - The End from their first album: The Doors

[raymondo212]

'The End' by the Doors. Fantastic song, best known for featuring in Apocalypse Now!

[knockabout86]

"What are they gonna do, come round and kick my door in?... ah."

Legend.

[esthersarah1987]

Why is he naked?

[fragiledog]

He's showing off his hard body.

[esthersarah1987]

Ohh..yes of course..thanks :)

[gonepishing]

Britain's hardest body apparently

[SR1EARL]

"It's been long and it's been 'ard, but not as 'ard as our winner"

- Hilarious! Long live Brooker!

[hentaimaid]

agreed!!

[TJis16]

Hahaha im almost in tears 'replace the word hard with erect'

Worked so so so well 'its been long and its been hard'

Too easy

[Pwnagemerchant]

"Being hard can open a lot of doors for you.."

[HITpadawan]

This is true - Ive found that when I'm feeling 'hard', doors literally seem to open on their own as I approach, thus saving me alot of wear and tear on my hands and wrists.

Though it does give me a sore bell end.