yeap. that's human relations for you. when it's about themselves, they will interfere. when it's about you, they won't want to get involved. and of course there is the possibility of getting involved with someone who is brutal enough to do this to a loved one, imagine what he will do to the person interrupting. what I don't feel comfortable is, why won't anybody call the cops?
Wow really makes you think. Easy to say I would've done something, but don't know if I would've had the guts. Guess I'm part of the problem. Major something to think about.
wow...i was pretty aware about how bad woman abuse was...but THIS was shocking. who WOULDN'T help? or just call the cops??? i know if my father were there he would have done BOTH. so would my brother. he'd be gatherin people up poundin on the door. ANYONE i know really, would have called the police. what's wrong with people??
I agree with livinglegend1187 it is proven that women like the bad boys, so dont come crying when they beat you up. In fact many of those women still defend them. For example in a nighclub who do you think women go for, the guy that starts trouble or the guy that avoids them? The guy that threats them nice or the guy that threats them like shít? 9 ou of 10 its the bad boy that gets the girl...
@TugaStyle17 Oh look another strawman. Typical isn't it, yes it has been proven by pseudo science and hollywood so it must be true. Funny that I am yet to meet one woman who finds neantherals attractive.
PS.. I live in a complex like this.. and it's something like this, noise, no, woman screaming are ignored, not even the guards wants to do anything when I bring it to their attention..
so when an unfairness is a straightforward, simple thing like hitting one's body, its wrong and i must do smtg about it, but if its a more delicate, more intricate evil, its none of anyones business. people, unfairness is unfairness. and youre going to react as far as your brain's complexity allows. if you oppose this but don't care about that, youre an average, simple human being. there are far more advanced and intelligent ways of torturing your spouse, without even touching his/her body.
@livinglegend1187 Listen, no one deserves to get beaten. Yes, there are stupid women just like there are stupid man but the reality is that not all those who beat their partners are uneducated pricks who behave like that in public. They put on an act of civility in public and when they are behind closed doors that's when they act out..
@mlo75 This can occur even later in the relationship when they've lulled their partners into a state of trust..so it's all very calculating and deceptive...those people groom their victims like predators so it's more than just physical abuse. It's psychological, verbal and the scars are deeper than just what's visible on the outside. This issue a case by case analysis but it's also an example of where our values are.
@livinglegend1187 I get what you're trying to say here. Yes, many girls do date assholes BUT nobody deserves to be beaten and there's really no way to know if someone will beat their partner until you're actually dating that person and stuck in that situation.
Maybe your lack of girls shouldn't be expressed through idiot statements via YouTube comments on POWA videos? Maybe you can't get girls because you say things like this? Maybe you're ugly? Just a guesses though. I have no idea.
@livinglegend1187 perhaps you should read up on what makes the "Bad Boys" so attractive to women. Things like self-confidence, independence, spontaneousness and aggressiveness (not violent mind you) come to mind. I doubt that the negative things you see in "Bad Boys" are the things that do it for the girls that you know.
Just from this post alone you come across as self-conscious, timid with a lot of inner anger.
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Very disturbing. It's like women are not worth the effort to help yet it's more important to stop annoying music. Why do we look away from things that we should do something about? Even when it comes to just hearing or seeing something out in the street in broad daylight often goes on without being questioned, often towards woman that some people may laugh at . Why are women looked at as so unworthy of help? All I could think of while watching this was the case of Kitty Genovese.
Oh yeah - you sound like a REALLY great guy! if you were as good a person as you say you are then you would know that no one wants or deserves to get beaten up like that. No one should ever do that to anyone else. There are many psychological reasons why women stay with abusive men but I cannot go into them all here and you are not intelligent enough to understand them anyway.
To all the women who are giving you a wide berth...WELL DONE! Good judgement
@katoblue I'm not sure why you are upset with what I said. I in no way meant to imply that anyone wants or deserves to be beat up, also I'm not a guy. I was just wondering why society continues to let abuse towards others, especially women, to continue almost unquestioned. Based on what some other people said I think you meant to reply to livinglegend1187. It seems to me all he can think about is himself and why he can't find a date, if that is how he thinks he is not a "nice guy".
@TheFenceandtheJug In what country? Certainly not in South Africa. Certainly not in the U.S. Why don't you take a gander at Bureau of Justice statistics before you blathering that rubbish?
Furthermore, this video doesn't say anything about who is bad or good; it simply makes the commentary that ppl in SA wouldn't do anythg about intimate partner violence, even after the experiment proved that they aren't shy about lodging complaints regarding their neighbor's other activites.
@SincereConcern Um... did you watch the video? Try watching it until the end next time.
Would you like me to send you my sources? Please send me yours as well.
Also, you should know that they are only telling a half truth. The effect they are exploiting in the video is well known and is not exclusive to IPV.
Lastly, I don't really know that much about South Africa. But if it is anything like the developed countries on earth then I can be relatively sure in my statements.
@TheFenceandtheJug The ending says '1400 fems are killed by their partners' (presumably in S Afr), NOT 'all men are bad.' If you read the latter rather than the actual text, then that is just you being a whiny anti-feminist.
And what "effect" are they exploiting? Their experiment demonstrates that ppl will complain about noise but not the suffering of another human. It implicitly says that ppl in that community were unwilling to speak out against gendered violence, but accepted it as a norm.
@TheFenceandtheJug Also, what part of US Bur. of Justice stats didn’t you understand as my source? For instance, on US intimate partner murder victims: “In 1998 women were nearly 3 out of 4 victims of the 1,830 murders attributable to intimate partners. In 1976 women were just over half the approx. 3,000 victims.” (Rennison, C.M. and Sarah Welchans. 2000. “Intimate Partner Violence.” Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report. May: 1-11.)
@TheFenceandtheJug You need smthg else? Fine: Jewkes, R., J. Levin, and L. Penn-Kekana. 2002. "Risk Factors for Domestic Violence: Findings from a South African Cross-Sectional Study". Social Science and Medicine. 55, no. 9: 1603-1617. (“The findings suggest that domestic violence is most strongly related to the status of women in a society and to the normative use of violence in conflict situations or as part of the exercise of power.”)
@TheFenceandtheJug While we’re at it: Johnson, Michael. 2005. “Domestic Violence: It’s not about gender, or is it?” Journal of Marriage and Family. 67, no.5: 1126-1130. "Thus, although situational couple violence is nearly gender symmetric and not strongly related to gender attitudes, intimate terrorism (domestic violence) is almost entirely male perpetrated and is strongly related to gender attitudes."
@SincereConcern Wow, shotgun approach. I deal with this from creationists all the time, I guess I should have expected it to come from feminists. But I can one up you. The Fiebert bibliography(look it up or I can send you a link).
It is a proven fact that men are victims of domestic violence. Yet this add only mentions women. And the implication is that men are killing these women. Therefore "men are bad". If you can't see it it is only because you are being a sexist feminist.
@TheFenceandtheJug Fiebert has explicitly said he didnt want his biblio to be used to minimize the effects on women AND used feminist theory (i.e. the categorization of patriarchy as a system of privilege & cultural phenomenon) when he spoke in an 2002 LA Times. Feminists like men, but dislike patriarchy.
FYI: This ad only mentions women b/c of an extremely high rate of violence against women in S Afr. You said you didn’t know much about the country & having admitted ignorance: STOP TROLLING
@SincereConcern Okay fine, instead of actually refuting anything I say you use an argument from authority. And then you try to shame me into being quiet by telling me that expressing my opinion is trolling. Did you know that Charles Darwin actually recanted evolution on his deathbed? Therefore evolution is totally incorrect.
As for the effect they are exploiting, it is the volunteers dilemma. It is pretty well known that people won't help in this sort of situation. Look up Kitty Genovese.
I have no idea why you are arguing this. It is easy to see that men are victims of domestic violence. This ad at best ignores a large percentage of the people it is supposed to be for and at worst encourages people to ignore domestic violence against 1/2 the population. Why do you feel these things are worth fighting for?
@TheFenceandtheJug Once again, the point of this ad was to call attn to ppl not acting w/i their community—an attempt to overcome the bystander effect.
I have not said that men aren’t ever victims of domestic violence. And nonetheless, if you had actually looked at the BJS source, then you would have seen that women suffer greater rates of IPV and that the decline in male victims has been much steeper.
And, feminists and creationists could not be farther apart.
You try to use an ad hominem to claim that I claimed you claimed that there are no male victims of domestic violence. Also a red herring. If the point of this video was actually calling attention to people not acting then why did they only mention female victims?
Combine this with the previous argument from authority and the similarities between feminists and creationists are becoming more and more apparent.
@Morfakis8 maybe they dont "like" the truth that this video is revealing. Perhaps they don't like the sick feeling in their stomach when they realize they'd do nothing as well. Perhaps if there were upvotes and downvotes like on reddit, it'd be easier to express appreciation for the message and not the violence.
@RealityHurts923 sounds like you're fighting off quite a few antagonists here. Like BookishBeamer says, it's not as easy as a counsellor (although of course this is a helpful offer in her situation) but what victims need immediately before any long-term help is safety. There's no point in her going home that night, is there? The same fear exists and more dangerously, the man. I speak here from a lot of personal experience with physical abuse (myself) and [next comment]
Such a pretty little gated community. Something tells me that places like this are not where women in South Africa are being killed. Hey POWA, I think maybe you're appealing to the wrong crowd. But it's not really about women's safety, it's about the victim industrial complex generating more cash.
Really what does one expect from South Africa? It's a place where rape, murder and even genocide goes completely unchecked. No one cares that 3,000 white farmers have been murdered in the past few years because of their race, I don't think it's realistic to expect that they will care about domestic abuse.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
And then she condones it by staying in a relationship with him. And if she doesn't call the cops, she's condoning it more. The people in the community are wrong and he's a douchebag, but she can bring an end to it easily.
Thanks for the video & using technology to make us all THINK - what we would do? We all have responsibility to end VAW. What can each one of us do as individuals & in our communities? get informed about root causes, support local shelters and hotlines, make sure our neighbors, daughters, cousins, the press, our representatives know that violence against women is NOT normal & we need better solutions, better police response. Take back the tech to end violence against women!
@autopilotfootprints Gotcha on the Kitty thing. You do realize though that her tragedy inspired many people to look at themselves and question what it means to protect their fellow man...right?
I don´t know how is it other countries but i´m damn sure about two things: 1) i will be the first calling 911 to report it, and make sure someone is sent there to help the woman, and 2) i would never go and try to confront someone who i suspect is violent and might have a gun.
I would like to know if people in that neighborhood reported the incident, how many ppl did it, and how quickly.
Observation: Study done in S.Africa, Social Taboo, police present, or even how the local authorities handle domestic abuse is not know to us. So we can't really pass judgment on them without knowing some facts about their society.
Would love to see this experiment done in a US neighborhood. Chances are, our folks wouldn't care about the drumming, but the moment we hear a woman scream, we're knocking on your door with our shotguns at the ready.
@Chaosga I doubt it would be any different in the United States. It's just...the bystander effect. In most situations when stuff like this is happening and there's a lot of people witnessing it, everyone thinks someone else will call the cops or do something. It's diffusion of responsibility. Which is why things like the murder of Kitty Genovese happened. She was a woman living in NYC killed in the middle of the street and 38 people later claimed to have witnessed it but didn't call the cops.
@autopilotfootprints Apparently you haven't heard of the Guardian Angels Alliance Here in NYC. Kitty Genovese is an example, but one that triggered a lot of social awareness groups such as the one that made this video. Being doubtful, doesn't necessarily make it so. You just have to stop being pessimistic about it and look around. Yeah, there are people that do nothing, but there are also us. Give credit where credit due, ya know?
I am not advocating you do nothing...but i consider an abuse in progress similar to hostage in progress. I am sure the lady(in most cases) isnt just sitting there enjoying being abused so the man(In most cases) must be restricting her via force. What would Cops do? They wont go knocking on the door in a hostage situation unless they are armed and will try alternatives like speaking loud and negotiating. The abuser might have a gun/knife. Hes mindful of Jail so i prefer to heed on side of caution
A lot of people here say what probably neighbors would think, with obvious fear for their own physical integrity: The drummer is less likely to shoot you than the angry husband.
If you call the cops, when they finally get there the abuse might be over or the person already badly hurt or worse.
Knock on the door and just talk about something else while the cops arrive, bring some food, ask for sugar, whatever. Don't confront the abuser, just distract him. He won't shoot you that way (I think).
@otas32 you think...you knock on the door...he opens the door,visibly upset and shoots right away...you wont have time to ask for sugar. I say call the cops and maybe scream from a distance...the closer you get to the incident, the more vulnerable you are and trust me, he is in NO MOOD to chat or get you SUGAR.
@touskinhouskin hmmm... don't know. Remember, abusers are basically cowards, and they will more easily direct aggression towards cowering prey they already know and over whom they have a sense of power.
If someone knocks at the door, the first thing that will happen is that they will pause the aggression. That's one temporary task accomplished.
If you yell from a distance, you establish you are in fear of them. If instead your nonchalant about the noise, it's a stance they're not ready for.
@touskinhouskin The reason why I suggest the "sugar" thing is that the aggressor will walk to the door on the defensive, he will associate the knocking with someone taking notice of his violence, so he will be all fired up to deny accusations. Like a kid who knows he did something wrong.
You can't stand there apologetic or timid, you have to be friendly but looking into his eyes, bringing up a non-related subject, like beers and a game.
Remember, it's all about stalling until the cops arrive!
@otas32 I have nothing against South Africa cops or South African people but i grew up in that continents...and you cant approach these stuff from a US system point of view. You cant subject yourself to danger...you can definitely plan to deal with it as a GROUP before it gets to that point of abuse, during the point if you know its SAFE enough or after unfortunately to SAVE the Woman. Praying does HELP...some of us serve a MERCIFUL God that answers Prayer. He might just KILL himself instead.
It's all theory of course, and it takes balls to do it. But maybe if you keep in mind that aggressors are cowards, and they will be afraid of who's knocking at the door.
If you're accusatory or demanding, you will probably get a backlash of his anger (even in the shape of a bullet maybe - though he's not going to walk up to the door with a gun, specially if he fears it's a cop), a neutral nonchalant attitude just might do it... an expert negotiator would be the one to know nevertheless.
@otas32 I doubt that going to the door looking for sugar will turn out well. What if that woman you went over to protect takes the side of their abuser and jumps up in your face over getting involved? Or you get into a fight with her "Man" and when the cops show up she says you came over to fight with him? That kinda shit happens everyday..
@otas32 I doubt that going to the door looking for sugar will turn out well.
What if that woman you went over to protect takes the side of their abuser, and then jumps up in your face over getting involved? Or you get into a fight with her "Man" and when the cops show up she says you came over and instigated a fight with him?
I commend the makers of this video for attempting to raise awareness. Having been in an abusive relationship I am fully aware of the safety implications of intervening, as with any violent crime witnessed. I really believe that it is down to police/equivalent to protect a community, but these can be influenced by society's views. The more awareness and public outcry to incedents can be enough to change how things are run! Good Luck! Survivor UK
@a123454979 I completely agree...unfortunately the Cops are not fully capable in handling most crimes in say SOUTH AFRICA. Robbers for example tend to be more arms and well prepared. Mexico's Drug War is a good example with Police corruption. Raising awareness, empowering the women in self-defense are things i would advocate for. I am glad you made it through and we are all VERY PROUD OF YOU.
No one is saying IGNORE the matter...why aint everyone here not thinking straight...i am referring to the VIDEO in the MIDDLE of the NIGHT in a country where the COPS is not responsive...WHAT WILL YOU DO? Go in and fight the Raving DOG...with a GUN or without? what if he has a GUN? Use common sense...use rational thinking...we are all against domestic violence.
I'm glad I have scars from being cut, punched and beat for helping abused women. Saw that shit go down with my mom, be damned if I'm gonna see some nucklehead that shit to a chick.
@mabans I am happy for you, but that was not thought to me by a top NYPD security officer who said dont turn to VICTIM from trying to be a HERO...seek help, but never take it into your hands...you might just be killed and thats not so smart. Of course if its a family member, you have an idea of how safe the situation is and you can intervene. Use common sense people...i wont walk into a rural farm with screams of violence...i have ONLY one life.
@tousk Easy, show up at the door be ready for anything. Something I have done in the past, something I've been stabbed, punched, scratched, etc over. It's the fucking right thing to do, but according to you we should all just avoid contacting any authority, do anything and pray to the invisible man in the sky. I'm not saying go over there with a gun or machete but as someone who saw that shit go down with my mom growing up only cowards do that shit and cowards stand by and let it happen.
@mabans I applaud you for doing the fucking right thing and subjecting urself to stabbing and scratching. Thats not what i was told by a Cop... and instead of being stabbed, you got shot...you wont be here arguing for the right thing. I say..let the Cops deal with it, Prevent it or help the woman get away after the facts...i'm sorry but those are my options. An Ex once called me from a diff state...i looked up and called shelters in that area and passed the information to her. I'm HUMAN too
@touskinhouskin What does it matter? Most people are of religious faith and you dying may just end up bringing you to heaven, 1st class. Oh wait.. How strong is your faith then.. I know I'm ragging on your whole pray thing but every argument you have given has been standing idling by doing nothing more than wishful thinking and as someone who had the unfortune to experience this as a child. Doing nothing is just as bad as smacking that chick around, you know it's wrong because you feel it in you
I would never get involved in an abuse situation.Why,so I can possibly get killed for a stupid ass bitch who chose the BAD BOY over the NICE GUY and would stay with him and keep f'ing him even after a he beat her?GTFO
@RealityHurts923 So how does it put your life in danger by calling the cops? What are you a fucking moron somehow justifying it? If you saw someone drowning would you be like "If he knew he couldn't swim why he jump in the water?" What's wrong with your brain?
@mabans Your a stupid ass idiot troll, you know that?Im not talking about calling the cops.Of course you can do that (Even though the chick will still stay with the guy).I meant getting directly involved.Are you really that stupid to not know that? And if someone almost drowned after jumping in the water, I doubt they would make that mistake again. That is the difference you moron.Whats wrong with your brain?Now go jump into some water if you cant swim troll.
@RealityHurts923 You know, voicing concern, or stepping into a violent situation is not for everyone. Its takes a level of courage and a willingness to sacrifice yourself to harm for doing the right thing. So if you want to call the cops, then shoot that better then nothing. Good for you. But from what I see here, they did Nothing, and that's not good ether.
Quoting Edmund Burke: "All that is required for the triumph of evil is to have good people sit back and do nothing."
@Chaosga Its simply the way we react and doesn't have anything necessarily to do with courage.There are 3 kinds of people: Those who run from a problem,those who run to a problem and those who just freeze.I'm the typed who has ran to problems to help and even been stabbed and shot at myself but at least it wasn't in vain.And whats RIGHT or WRONG is debatable.I just think women need to chose there men better or at least know when to leave.Thats really my bottom line.
@RealityHurts923 That's like stating, "If a woman gets raped for wearing that hot red dress, then its her fault, she should of choose the turtleneck"
Courage has a lot to do with it man. Courage is knowing that you're scared and still going in there. If you have ran to help someone, then that's great., keep it up. Not every battle that needs to be fault can be easily defined as Right and Wrong. Sometimes, just proving a break in the situation is enough for change.
@Chaosga Well, I dont think any woman that dresses a certain way deserves to be beat or raped so in my opinion, its not like saying the same thing at all but if thats the way you think, thats your opinion.I know what courage is but I also know what an idiot is.If you dont get in the middle of a situation that you managed to think through and realize its not worth potentially loosing your life over, if not for you but for your kids or other friends and family, I wouldnt call you a coward.
@Chaosga Is it not possible that some people dont step into violent situations because they are smart? Would you call a man a coward for not going to war if he doesn't believe the cause is right, like say, invading a country for its oil and claiming there are Weapons of Mass Destruction as the excuse?Wouldn't he be less of a man for not standing by what he belives?As far as your quote,nothing can stop evil.Not even Heaven could satisfy Satan and his followers.
@RealityHurts923 Dude, are you normally this verbally abusive with people when you debate with them face to face? (Your comments to mabans) If you feel passionately about your views, great...but cyberbulling someone just because they take a more proactive choice then you shouldn't warrant that kind of barrage.
Its kinda cowardly when it comes down to it cause you know that there is no way they can ever retaliate. But by all means, if it makes you feel better, who am I to complain.
@RealityHurts923 Have you ever had a crush on someone that treats you poorly? Or done anything that you know is wrong yet somehow persist in the behavior? There are a lot of emotional issues that plague a victim of domestic violence, and its almost always something that grows throughout the years of the relationship. (not a sudden thing) Its almost like the cycle of drug addiction. Its hard to break and those victims need a lot of therapy to get over. No need to be so callous man.
@Chaosga Yes I have been in that situation.I know all about love and pain and weakness but I also know about strength, courage and wisdom and making better choices in life because of what I have been through.Everyone has there "last straw" and physical abuse would definitely be it for me.I can feel bad if she got beat once and got her heart broken because she left but they always seem to stay.Lots of Women choose men with these traits even before it happens. I guess I just cant comprehend that.
@RealityHurts923 "I guess I just cant comprehend that." no, you can't. So stop acting like these women are in any way worse than you are for staying with someone abusive. The person being abused is NOT IN THE WRONG AT ALL. You are heartless.
@pantolime No I cant comprehend being an idiot. And After being stabbed and shot at to help others in my life, Im far from heartless. Im not the one coming on youtube talking shit to anyone commenting and giving their opinion, so you are the heartless troll you scumbag.Now go away.
@RealityHurts923 I think you'll find I'm not talking shit to anyone giving their opinion, I'm giving shit to YOU. You have NO IDEA the situations women might be in - they might be financially dependent, they might be emotionally blackmailed, they might be threatened with worse violence if anything is attempted. Saying a woman is an idiot for staying with someone abusive is misogynistic bullshit, no matter what you personally done in the past.
@pantolime "Im not talking shit to anyone,"Im talking shit to YOU" FAIL. I am someone genius. And I have more of an idea of the situation than probably you. Do you know me? Have we met?Just cause you don't like my opinion doesn't determine anything about me.And ANYONE, not just women who stay in ANY situation that makes them miserable is an idiot.If nothing good someone has done in there past matters to you then clearly there is no winning with someone as stubborn as you so why waist my time?
@RealityHurts923 I think you are showing a complete lack of empathy by saying that women are dumb for staying with their abusers. In many cases, those womens' lives are being threatened by their partners, or their childrens' lives, or even their pets' lives. They might also have no family or relatives to turn to, or they might not realize that there are resources out there for battered women.
@erikakharada Look, When my cousin came to me about her BF beating her. I helped get her counseling.I even did jail time for getting in a fight with him and she still stayed with him.She stole money from me to give to HIM. Im just saying, I could do so much.If they dont really want help, Im not gonna waist my time and or possibly give my life in vain.Im just not.Not all of us gotta put up with someones bullshit even from the people we love.Im sorry, thats just how I feel.
@RealityHurts923 Do you not think that her abuser didn't beat the crap out of her for you standing up to him? When abusers get caught, the abused get punished. You can't just throw the victims into counseling and expect things to be okay. Did she have a safe place to live away from him? Financial and emotional support? He probably beat into her that no one cares about her but him. And you just proved him right.
@BookishBeemer He was already beating her so me stepping in has nothing to do with anything and if it did, then even more reason for someone to not get personally involved correct?How did I prove him right when I took care of her financially and my place was the SAFE PLACE.You have no idea.You view it as GIVING UP, but I view it as TIRED OF THE BULLSHIT. Im stronger than that and I could only do so much to help but Im cannot keep risking myself and my family to help the helpless.
@RealityHurts923 experience of being in your shoes (my mother's boyfriend beats her daily, steals all her money for booze and basically locks her up) and yes, she had some opportunity to get away. But also as bookishbeamer said, victims often suffer much more from emotional abuse. It doesn't take much to erode someone's self-esteem to the point that they think no one will care, or even that it's their fault.
@RealityHurt I feel the same way you do on this issue. I too have tried tried to help the "victims" only to have them do everything they can to keep themselves in danger. If you don't care enough about yourself why should anyone else. It is the same thing with drug-abuse. I will always try to help anyone I can, but if you don't want to help yourself I am done with it.
@RealityHurts923 You not heartless? Yet you've become bitter for your "Good deed" so you respond with (you are the heartless troll you scumbag, Now go away) Dude? Really? You sound like an Abuser who doesn't like being contested and so you spew this hate? Why? When you know there is no retribution for that kind of treatment? That's verbal abuse man. THE WHOLE POINT that we're trying to discuss here and you're guilty of it. Dude, no offense, but gain some insight from that behavior.
@Chaosga You dont even know anything about me and based on a comment I shared on my point of view, your trying to call me HEARTLESS? Do you know me?Have we met? Do you have any idea what I've been through,What I've seen and my experiences in life to have that opinion about me? Your interpretation of HATE does not make it so.Who are you to say what HATE is?Seriously DUDE, THINK!
@RealityHurts923 You're right I don't know anything about you. But what I do know is from what you right and how you respond to people. Yes you have an opinion, and its a valid one. I respect that. The fact that you were willing to put yourself on the line AND the fact that you got hurt for it is not lost to me. I commend you on that as well. I don't think you're heartless at all. I'm pretty sure you're one hell of a guy. Just think before you write angry messages. Ppl will judge you for that.
@Chaosga I appreciate the commet. Im just gonna call it how I see it and stand by what I believe.Its not like I just sit and contemplate on a belief system just to piss people off,You know what Im saying?I didnt come on here attacking anyone based on there comment. If its taken "Negatively" then that goes to show how that person views the world and Its always those people who are the judgmental ones because they cant except reality.Of course that's just my opinion but I hope at least a valid one
@RealityHurts923 Granted, I wouldn't want it any way, neither you nor anyone else for that matter should be harassed, abused or insulted for their opinion. It helps us think and resolve. In the end, I'm sure you and everyone else would love to see domestic abuse come to an end. Thanks for commenting man.
@RealityHurts923 Ok, I respect that u can't comprehend it. Its not easy. 4 example, u stated that physical abuse would be the last straw for you, so by that rational, emotional abuse U would put up with. With abused ppl, the physical abuse doesn't really come up that quickly. There is so much emotional trauma to over come that the human mind finds ways to cope or accept it for what it is because of fear, low self esteem, etc. There is a lot that I can explain, but there isn't enough spapce.
@Chaosga I understand exactly everything you just mentioned. Like I said, you have NO IDEA the things Ive seen. DO you think people just sit around and think of ways to piss people off? Most people have there point of veiw for there own valid reason based on their experiences in life. There really is no RIGHT or WRONG about anything in life only OPINIONS. And anything religious doesn't determine anything and Laws very and are man made.
@touskinhouskin - In South Africa there is an emergency response number you can call - 10111 however you are right, the response is not always as fast as 911 is in the States. Violent gun crime is an epidemic in South Africa and people live in fear of getting involved and getting hurt in the process. Why die by being a good samaritan? That of course does not excuse complete apathy. Tell someone, call the cops, anybody. But don't ignore it. Too much violence ends in silence.
@moondino good luck calling that number to the rescue. I am not advocating for apathy...you can only empower the women and work to prevent it, but i wont trust the cops to come to the rescue and i wont knock on the door of a raving dog. I grew up in that part of the world where robbers rob the cops first before headed to the bank.
Everything seem staged to me including the folks that appeared during the drumming, but the point was well received. Keep in mind that unlike US, theres no 911 and no one wants to be the collateral damage. To be honest, if i was in South Africa, i wont go to someone's door...i will probably pray for them.
@touskinhouskin You're kidding right? Prayers have been proven to only comfort the prayer it does nothing man, and i ain't gonna argue religion here, i just think that if you ain't gonna take action don't come out with something as useless as prayer to mask you unwillingness to really act. I'm sorry, it may provide consolation and make you feel like you're helping but it's nothing but intentions, if you really wanna help, create awareness talk to your friends or just SHARE THE VIDEO, that'l work
@AndreSiraSebastian you made no sense with your attack. I am talking about an abuse in progress in the middle of the night. Thats not the time to talk to friends or share the damn video. I can assure you most people wont walk to another person's house in the USA. They will call the cops because thats the logical thing to do. In a country where the cops are useless or unresponsive, you cant take law into your hands lest you become the victim. First law in security, dont go from HERO to VICTIM.
@touskinhouskin ¬¬ You know i didn't adress that situation at the end...i said if wanted to HELP, and in that i meant NOW, OFFCOURSE NOT WHEN THE SHIT IS IN PROGRESS!...and i really don't see how you got that from whats written above. And it ain't an attack, don't be so goddamn sensitive
@AndreSiraSebastian The video was implying that no one got involved while the attack was in progress...and that everyone got involved while the drumming is in progress. If theres anyone thats drank too much, its you. I am glad you have come to my position that getting involved while the attack is in progress is a DUMB and STUPID thing to do unfortunately. Dont ever go from HERO to a VICTIM...all your family gets is a Medal and lots of grief.
@AndreSiraSebastian Thank you...we all have one life and some people just dont value taking the lives of others. Even as an armed officer, i was told if robbery is in progress and you dont feel capable, stay safe and wait for help...dont try to be in a movie...Even Cops call for BACKUPS. You learn these stuff from EXPERTS. I will take their advice over the LOONS who just want to act on instincts. Instincts get you KILLED. I think i made my POINT.
@touskinhouskin Really dude? Of course this is staged, everything about it is fake to me, but does that make the message and waht should be done any less important because people are LIKELY to do that like yourself, not call the police, just sit down and pray.. Do you even know your local police precinct number? What's wrong with you? Pray, fuck you, stupid asshole..
@mabans I am in the USA...the police number is 911...i am not from south africa and i said you can call the number if you want, but i doubt the police will show up...then what? you take a gun or machete and take laws into your own hands in South Africa...good luck with that. Most of you here aint being rational....you think you are in a god damn European country.
yeap. that's human relations for you. when it's about themselves, they will interfere. when it's about you, they won't want to get involved. and of course there is the possibility of getting involved with someone who is brutal enough to do this to a loved one, imagine what he will do to the person interrupting. what I don't feel comfortable is, why won't anybody call the cops?
SokSa 1 month ago
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5GAPcom 2 months ago
I thought this video was sent to me because I play my guitar really loudly, instead, I walked away from my PC shocked and inspired...stunning!!!
ca5k 3 months ago
omg...
LucyRockprincess 4 months ago
A good video for a good cause...support this group.
sevensecondsdeep 6 months ago 4
Yeah!! Premier drums rule...LOL
sevensecondsdeep 6 months ago
I would have complained .... that guy really can't plays drums for $#@!
robertdejasse 7 months ago
What pisses me off the most is that douche at 1:34 who just turned off his fucking light instead of complaining.
HistoiresdeGars 7 months ago
Maybe the people disliking the video have already beat a woman. Fuck those bastards.
HistoiresdeGars 8 months ago
wow, that was powerful.
Shimmerwave 8 months ago
What kind of person dislikes a vid like this? Really?
MareyJanes 8 months ago
Wow really makes you think. Easy to say I would've done something, but don't know if I would've had the guts. Guess I'm part of the problem. Major something to think about.
frankymjd 8 months ago
bloody disinterestedness
hydroxyzyna 9 months ago
Nice vídeo ! !
Jozekivsky 9 months ago
wow...i was pretty aware about how bad woman abuse was...but THIS was shocking. who WOULDN'T help? or just call the cops??? i know if my father were there he would have done BOTH. so would my brother. he'd be gatherin people up poundin on the door. ANYONE i know really, would have called the police. what's wrong with people??
MadamDirtBag 11 months ago
1:40 The cat tried to complain, but it didnt speak english.
intrasonic 1 year ago 46
Fucking people are stupid.............
LatentRecognition 1 year ago
It's a darn shame that such an inspirational video ends with a blatant mistake. "Every year 1400 womEn are killed by their partners"
JendaHrbac 1 year ago
@JendaHrbac i know, i would say this is video isn't worth to watch because of that mistake -.-
ilGenio90 10 months ago
@ilGenio90 Right? My thoughts exactly.
JendaHrbac 10 months ago
best video! ty
mickaelgameiro69 1 year ago
I agree with livinglegend1187 it is proven that women like the bad boys, so dont come crying when they beat you up. In fact many of those women still defend them. For example in a nighclub who do you think women go for, the guy that starts trouble or the guy that avoids them? The guy that threats them nice or the guy that threats them like shít? 9 ou of 10 its the bad boy that gets the girl...
TugaStyle17 1 year ago
@TugaStyle17 Oh look another strawman. Typical isn't it, yes it has been proven by pseudo science and hollywood so it must be true. Funny that I am yet to meet one woman who finds neantherals attractive.
MarilynFilth 1 year ago
Maybe if the guy was a better drummer, his girlfriend would not have had to start any shit!
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siththee 1 year ago
Wow add.. This is now on my blog as well...
lookyhere.co.za
PS.. I live in a complex like this.. and it's something like this, noise, no, woman screaming are ignored, not even the guards wants to do anything when I bring it to their attention..
Blooper1980 1 year ago
so when an unfairness is a straightforward, simple thing like hitting one's body, its wrong and i must do smtg about it, but if its a more delicate, more intricate evil, its none of anyones business. people, unfairness is unfairness. and youre going to react as far as your brain's complexity allows. if you oppose this but don't care about that, youre an average, simple human being. there are far more advanced and intelligent ways of torturing your spouse, without even touching his/her body.
nlty2000 1 year ago
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livinglegend1187 1 year ago 3
@livinglegend1187 sadly to damn true
internecineTurbine 1 year ago
@livinglegend1187 Listen, no one deserves to get beaten. Yes, there are stupid women just like there are stupid man but the reality is that not all those who beat their partners are uneducated pricks who behave like that in public. They put on an act of civility in public and when they are behind closed doors that's when they act out..
mlo75 1 year ago
@mlo75 This can occur even later in the relationship when they've lulled their partners into a state of trust..so it's all very calculating and deceptive...those people groom their victims like predators so it's more than just physical abuse. It's psychological, verbal and the scars are deeper than just what's visible on the outside. This issue a case by case analysis but it's also an example of where our values are.
mlo75 1 year ago 6
@livinglegend1187
Dude. It's a systemic problem. The fact that you would say that explains why you are not getting girls.
peppermintwolfman 1 year ago 2
@livinglegend1187 What? A nice, sympathetic guy like you? That's a damn shame.
spediesteban422 1 year ago
@livinglegend1187 I get what you're trying to say here. Yes, many girls do date assholes BUT nobody deserves to be beaten and there's really no way to know if someone will beat their partner until you're actually dating that person and stuck in that situation.
Maybe your lack of girls shouldn't be expressed through idiot statements via YouTube comments on POWA videos? Maybe you can't get girls because you say things like this? Maybe you're ugly? Just a guesses though. I have no idea.
freakygirl567 1 year ago
@livinglegend1187 No one deserves to get beaten in a relationship.
foreversapphire 1 year ago
@livinglegend1187 perhaps you should read up on what makes the "Bad Boys" so attractive to women. Things like self-confidence, independence, spontaneousness and aggressiveness (not violent mind you) come to mind. I doubt that the negative things you see in "Bad Boys" are the things that do it for the girls that you know.
Just from this post alone you come across as self-conscious, timid with a lot of inner anger.
welser1 1 year ago 2
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livinglegend1187 1 year ago
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livinglegend1187 1 year ago
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livinglegend1187 1 year ago
I would have hated too if a drummer had lived in my neighborhood.
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graywackeknifebdr 1 year ago
Very disturbing. It's like women are not worth the effort to help yet it's more important to stop annoying music. Why do we look away from things that we should do something about? Even when it comes to just hearing or seeing something out in the street in broad daylight often goes on without being questioned, often towards woman that some people may laugh at . Why are women looked at as so unworthy of help? All I could think of while watching this was the case of Kitty Genovese.
gypsyqueen85 1 year ago
@gypsyqueen85
Oh yeah - you sound like a REALLY great guy! if you were as good a person as you say you are then you would know that no one wants or deserves to get beaten up like that. No one should ever do that to anyone else. There are many psychological reasons why women stay with abusive men but I cannot go into them all here and you are not intelligent enough to understand them anyway.
To all the women who are giving you a wide berth...WELL DONE! Good judgement
katoblue 1 year ago
@katoblue I'm not sure why you are upset with what I said. I in no way meant to imply that anyone wants or deserves to be beat up, also I'm not a guy. I was just wondering why society continues to let abuse towards others, especially women, to continue almost unquestioned. Based on what some other people said I think you meant to reply to livinglegend1187. It seems to me all he can think about is himself and why he can't find a date, if that is how he thinks he is not a "nice guy".
gypsyqueen85 1 year ago
@gypsyqueen85
I'm sorry. Yes, the comment is directed at the ridiculous livinglegend1187. Apologies
katoblue 1 year ago
Chilling
wakingwallaby 1 year ago
Love this. Is there any way to get a copy of it to use in our trainings?
mendezm100 1 year ago
Yup, same ol' "man bad, woman good" rhetoric that we keep hearing.
This totally ignores the fact that domestic violence against men is more common or that it is even celebrated by some women.
TheFenceandtheJug 1 year ago
@TheFenceandtheJug In what country? Certainly not in South Africa. Certainly not in the U.S. Why don't you take a gander at Bureau of Justice statistics before you blathering that rubbish?
Furthermore, this video doesn't say anything about who is bad or good; it simply makes the commentary that ppl in SA wouldn't do anythg about intimate partner violence, even after the experiment proved that they aren't shy about lodging complaints regarding their neighbor's other activites.
SincereConcern 1 year ago
@SincereConcern Um... did you watch the video? Try watching it until the end next time.
Would you like me to send you my sources? Please send me yours as well.
Also, you should know that they are only telling a half truth. The effect they are exploiting in the video is well known and is not exclusive to IPV.
Lastly, I don't really know that much about South Africa. But if it is anything like the developed countries on earth then I can be relatively sure in my statements.
TheFenceandtheJug 1 year ago
@TheFenceandtheJug The ending says '1400 fems are killed by their partners' (presumably in S Afr), NOT 'all men are bad.' If you read the latter rather than the actual text, then that is just you being a whiny anti-feminist.
And what "effect" are they exploiting? Their experiment demonstrates that ppl will complain about noise but not the suffering of another human. It implicitly says that ppl in that community were unwilling to speak out against gendered violence, but accepted it as a norm.
SincereConcern 1 year ago
@TheFenceandtheJug Also, what part of US Bur. of Justice stats didn’t you understand as my source? For instance, on US intimate partner murder victims: “In 1998 women were nearly 3 out of 4 victims of the 1,830 murders attributable to intimate partners. In 1976 women were just over half the approx. 3,000 victims.” (Rennison, C.M. and Sarah Welchans. 2000. “Intimate Partner Violence.” Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report. May: 1-11.)
SincereConcern 1 year ago
@TheFenceandtheJug You need smthg else? Fine: Jewkes, R., J. Levin, and L. Penn-Kekana. 2002. "Risk Factors for Domestic Violence: Findings from a South African Cross-Sectional Study". Social Science and Medicine. 55, no. 9: 1603-1617. (“The findings suggest that domestic violence is most strongly related to the status of women in a society and to the normative use of violence in conflict situations or as part of the exercise of power.”)
SincereConcern 1 year ago
@TheFenceandtheJug While we’re at it: Johnson, Michael. 2005. “Domestic Violence: It’s not about gender, or is it?” Journal of Marriage and Family. 67, no.5: 1126-1130. "Thus, although situational couple violence is nearly gender symmetric and not strongly related to gender attitudes, intimate terrorism (domestic violence) is almost entirely male perpetrated and is strongly related to gender attitudes."
SincereConcern 1 year ago
@SincereConcern Wow, shotgun approach. I deal with this from creationists all the time, I guess I should have expected it to come from feminists. But I can one up you. The Fiebert bibliography(look it up or I can send you a link).
It is a proven fact that men are victims of domestic violence. Yet this add only mentions women. And the implication is that men are killing these women. Therefore "men are bad". If you can't see it it is only because you are being a sexist feminist.
TheFenceandtheJug 1 year ago
@TheFenceandtheJug Fiebert has explicitly said he didnt want his biblio to be used to minimize the effects on women AND used feminist theory (i.e. the categorization of patriarchy as a system of privilege & cultural phenomenon) when he spoke in an 2002 LA Times. Feminists like men, but dislike patriarchy.
FYI: This ad only mentions women b/c of an extremely high rate of violence against women in S Afr. You said you didn’t know much about the country & having admitted ignorance: STOP TROLLING
SincereConcern 1 year ago
@SincereConcern Okay fine, instead of actually refuting anything I say you use an argument from authority. And then you try to shame me into being quiet by telling me that expressing my opinion is trolling. Did you know that Charles Darwin actually recanted evolution on his deathbed? Therefore evolution is totally incorrect.
TheFenceandtheJug 1 year ago
As for the effect they are exploiting, it is the volunteers dilemma. It is pretty well known that people won't help in this sort of situation. Look up Kitty Genovese.
I have no idea why you are arguing this. It is easy to see that men are victims of domestic violence. This ad at best ignores a large percentage of the people it is supposed to be for and at worst encourages people to ignore domestic violence against 1/2 the population. Why do you feel these things are worth fighting for?
TheFenceandtheJug 1 year ago
@TheFenceandtheJug Once again, the point of this ad was to call attn to ppl not acting w/i their community—an attempt to overcome the bystander effect.
I have not said that men aren’t ever victims of domestic violence. And nonetheless, if you had actually looked at the BJS source, then you would have seen that women suffer greater rates of IPV and that the decline in male victims has been much steeper.
And, feminists and creationists could not be farther apart.
SincereConcern 1 year ago
@SincereConcern
You try to use an ad hominem to claim that I claimed you claimed that there are no male victims of domestic violence. Also a red herring. If the point of this video was actually calling attention to people not acting then why did they only mention female victims?
Combine this with the previous argument from authority and the similarities between feminists and creationists are becoming more and more apparent.
TheFenceandtheJug 1 year ago
Love this. Is there any way to get a copy of it to use in our trainings?
mendezm100 1 year ago
i don't "like" it, but i'll bump it with a comment.
POWA to the people.
jafroninja 1 year ago
Great experiment the hypocrisy of the sheeple
BlazeApe 1 year ago 2
Let's say that 36 people accidentally clicked the dislike button.
Morfakis8 1 year ago
@Morfakis8 maybe they dont "like" the truth that this video is revealing. Perhaps they don't like the sick feeling in their stomach when they realize they'd do nothing as well. Perhaps if there were upvotes and downvotes like on reddit, it'd be easier to express appreciation for the message and not the violence.
jafroninja 1 year ago
thats horrible :/
SKiTTL3L0V3r 1 year ago
right on
dirtyprojectpat 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 sounds like you're fighting off quite a few antagonists here. Like BookishBeamer says, it's not as easy as a counsellor (although of course this is a helpful offer in her situation) but what victims need immediately before any long-term help is safety. There's no point in her going home that night, is there? The same fear exists and more dangerously, the man. I speak here from a lot of personal experience with physical abuse (myself) and [next comment]
lostonmainst 1 year ago
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lostonmainst 1 year ago
Great experiment! Thank you for your courage and committment to Domestic Violence!
Lavendre9productions 1 year ago
Such a pretty little gated community. Something tells me that places like this are not where women in South Africa are being killed. Hey POWA, I think maybe you're appealing to the wrong crowd. But it's not really about women's safety, it's about the victim industrial complex generating more cash.
TruTV 1 year ago
@TruTV Domestic violence affects all communities.
RosemaryAmey 1 year ago 12
Really what does one expect from South Africa? It's a place where rape, murder and even genocide goes completely unchecked. No one cares that 3,000 white farmers have been murdered in the past few years because of their race, I don't think it's realistic to expect that they will care about domestic abuse.
HektorAnasthainomai 1 year ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
And then she condones it by staying in a relationship with him. And if she doesn't call the cops, she's condoning it more. The people in the community are wrong and he's a douchebag, but she can bring an end to it easily.
SoulWolff 1 year ago
@SoulWolff
Yep. You tell yourself that.
Bet makes you sleep just fine at night. Victim blaming is the sweetest lullaby, after all.
comiclover788998 1 year ago
@comiclover788998 "Go to sleep, little one, she shouldn't have been looking at him like that..." Yep, that's a good lullaby.
pinkorpurple432 1 year ago
@SoulWolff Maybe you should read more about the emotional and physical dependency involved in abusive relationships before you blame the victim.
siriuslynow 1 year ago 3
@SoulWolff Because there's no such thing as fearing for your life.
pinkorpurple432 1 year ago
@SoulWolff It's so much more complicated than that...
weallshineon704 1 year ago
Moral of the story: Don't buy a drumset.
Amputate 1 year ago
Hopefully everyone in the community has seen this YouTube video. lolz
xzerpolix 1 year ago
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Is it wrong that I got turned on by this? I wish my boyfriend would slap me around.
signaturehamsandwich 1 year ago
@signaturehamsandwich It would be less weird if you weren't a guy pretending he's a girl just to validate his brutalizing fetish.
Dipstikk 1 year ago 3
thats pretty fucked up
ShitList2010 1 year ago
woah..
forevermorphingari 1 year ago
What a "community". That's a damn good video and it gets a damn good message across.
It also comes with a lesson for musicians.
jaymaster007 1 year ago 37
@jaymaster007 If only the drum kit sounded like domestic abuse, he could practice in the middle of the night.
jclaine 11 months ago
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I would have waltzed over there and told the bitch to shit the fuck up.
9000proofvodka 1 year ago
@9000proofvodka Funny!
You know what else is funny?
Popping dickless chicken-shits like you in the teeth.
Dipstikk 1 year ago
Thanks for the video & using technology to make us all THINK - what we would do? We all have responsibility to end VAW. What can each one of us do as individuals & in our communities? get informed about root causes, support local shelters and hotlines, make sure our neighbors, daughters, cousins, the press, our representatives know that violence against women is NOT normal & we need better solutions, better police response. Take back the tech to end violence against women!
takebackthetech 1 year ago 2
Damn... just..damn..
MotorWorldHype 1 year ago
Well, that message was clear :|
rionhunter 1 year ago
oh man. that was powerfull
tehfrog 1 year ago
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h ttp://en.wikiped ia.org/wiki/Kitty_Genovese
autopilotfootprints 1 year ago
@autopilotfootprints Gotcha on the Kitty thing. You do realize though that her tragedy inspired many people to look at themselves and question what it means to protect their fellow man...right?
Chaosga 1 year ago
I don´t know how is it other countries but i´m damn sure about two things: 1) i will be the first calling 911 to report it, and make sure someone is sent there to help the woman, and 2) i would never go and try to confront someone who i suspect is violent and might have a gun.
I would like to know if people in that neighborhood reported the incident, how many ppl did it, and how quickly.
Yhoah 1 year ago
Observation: Study done in S.Africa, Social Taboo, police present, or even how the local authorities handle domestic abuse is not know to us. So we can't really pass judgment on them without knowing some facts about their society.
Would love to see this experiment done in a US neighborhood. Chances are, our folks wouldn't care about the drumming, but the moment we hear a woman scream, we're knocking on your door with our shotguns at the ready.
Chaosga 1 year ago
@Chaosga I doubt it would be any different in the United States. It's just...the bystander effect. In most situations when stuff like this is happening and there's a lot of people witnessing it, everyone thinks someone else will call the cops or do something. It's diffusion of responsibility. Which is why things like the murder of Kitty Genovese happened. She was a woman living in NYC killed in the middle of the street and 38 people later claimed to have witnessed it but didn't call the cops.
autopilotfootprints 1 year ago 2
@autopilotfootprints Apparently you haven't heard of the Guardian Angels Alliance Here in NYC. Kitty Genovese is an example, but one that triggered a lot of social awareness groups such as the one that made this video. Being doubtful, doesn't necessarily make it so. You just have to stop being pessimistic about it and look around. Yeah, there are people that do nothing, but there are also us. Give credit where credit due, ya know?
Chaosga 1 year ago
I am not advocating you do nothing...but i consider an abuse in progress similar to hostage in progress. I am sure the lady(in most cases) isnt just sitting there enjoying being abused so the man(In most cases) must be restricting her via force. What would Cops do? They wont go knocking on the door in a hostage situation unless they are armed and will try alternatives like speaking loud and negotiating. The abuser might have a gun/knife. Hes mindful of Jail so i prefer to heed on side of caution
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
A lot of people here say what probably neighbors would think, with obvious fear for their own physical integrity: The drummer is less likely to shoot you than the angry husband.
If you call the cops, when they finally get there the abuse might be over or the person already badly hurt or worse.
Knock on the door and just talk about something else while the cops arrive, bring some food, ask for sugar, whatever. Don't confront the abuser, just distract him. He won't shoot you that way (I think).
otas32 1 year ago
@otas32 you think...you knock on the door...he opens the door,visibly upset and shoots right away...you wont have time to ask for sugar. I say call the cops and maybe scream from a distance...the closer you get to the incident, the more vulnerable you are and trust me, he is in NO MOOD to chat or get you SUGAR.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin hmmm... don't know. Remember, abusers are basically cowards, and they will more easily direct aggression towards cowering prey they already know and over whom they have a sense of power.
If someone knocks at the door, the first thing that will happen is that they will pause the aggression. That's one temporary task accomplished.
If you yell from a distance, you establish you are in fear of them. If instead your nonchalant about the noise, it's a stance they're not ready for.
otas32 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin The reason why I suggest the "sugar" thing is that the aggressor will walk to the door on the defensive, he will associate the knocking with someone taking notice of his violence, so he will be all fired up to deny accusations. Like a kid who knows he did something wrong.
You can't stand there apologetic or timid, you have to be friendly but looking into his eyes, bringing up a non-related subject, like beers and a game.
Remember, it's all about stalling until the cops arrive!
otas32 1 year ago
@otas32 I have nothing against South Africa cops or South African people but i grew up in that continents...and you cant approach these stuff from a US system point of view. You cant subject yourself to danger...you can definitely plan to deal with it as a GROUP before it gets to that point of abuse, during the point if you know its SAFE enough or after unfortunately to SAVE the Woman. Praying does HELP...some of us serve a MERCIFUL God that answers Prayer. He might just KILL himself instead.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
It's all theory of course, and it takes balls to do it. But maybe if you keep in mind that aggressors are cowards, and they will be afraid of who's knocking at the door.
If you're accusatory or demanding, you will probably get a backlash of his anger (even in the shape of a bullet maybe - though he's not going to walk up to the door with a gun, specially if he fears it's a cop), a neutral nonchalant attitude just might do it... an expert negotiator would be the one to know nevertheless.
otas32 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin
exactly. Do something, but be safe.
Yhoah 1 year ago
@otas32 I doubt that going to the door looking for sugar will turn out well. What if that woman you went over to protect takes the side of their abuser and jumps up in your face over getting involved? Or you get into a fight with her "Man" and when the cops show up she says you came over to fight with him? That kinda shit happens everyday..
welser1 1 year ago
@otas32 I doubt that going to the door looking for sugar will turn out well.
What if that woman you went over to protect takes the side of their abuser, and then jumps up in your face over getting involved? Or you get into a fight with her "Man" and when the cops show up she says you came over and instigated a fight with him?
That kinda shit happens everyday..
welser1 1 year ago
I commend the makers of this video for attempting to raise awareness. Having been in an abusive relationship I am fully aware of the safety implications of intervening, as with any violent crime witnessed. I really believe that it is down to police/equivalent to protect a community, but these can be influenced by society's views. The more awareness and public outcry to incedents can be enough to change how things are run! Good Luck! Survivor UK
a123454979 1 year ago
@a123454979 I completely agree...unfortunately the Cops are not fully capable in handling most crimes in say SOUTH AFRICA. Robbers for example tend to be more arms and well prepared. Mexico's Drug War is a good example with Police corruption. Raising awareness, empowering the women in self-defense are things i would advocate for. I am glad you made it through and we are all VERY PROUD OF YOU.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
wow.......
Supajin1 1 year ago
i think that this is a case of people not knowing how to react to such things. so they do nothing about it.
TheY2T 1 year ago
No one is saying IGNORE the matter...why aint everyone here not thinking straight...i am referring to the VIDEO in the MIDDLE of the NIGHT in a country where the COPS is not responsive...WHAT WILL YOU DO? Go in and fight the Raving DOG...with a GUN or without? what if he has a GUN? Use common sense...use rational thinking...we are all against domestic violence.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
I'm glad I have scars from being cut, punched and beat for helping abused women. Saw that shit go down with my mom, be damned if I'm gonna see some nucklehead that shit to a chick.
mabans 1 year ago 3
@mabans I am happy for you, but that was not thought to me by a top NYPD security officer who said dont turn to VICTIM from trying to be a HERO...seek help, but never take it into your hands...you might just be killed and thats not so smart. Of course if its a family member, you have an idea of how safe the situation is and you can intervene. Use common sense people...i wont walk into a rural farm with screams of violence...i have ONLY one life.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin taught* to me by NYPD top officer in my security class
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin You're right, just ignore it and hope that big man in the sky comes down and helps. A lot more sensible, sure why not..
mabans 1 year ago
@mabans what will you do?
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@tousk Easy, show up at the door be ready for anything. Something I have done in the past, something I've been stabbed, punched, scratched, etc over. It's the fucking right thing to do, but according to you we should all just avoid contacting any authority, do anything and pray to the invisible man in the sky. I'm not saying go over there with a gun or machete but as someone who saw that shit go down with my mom growing up only cowards do that shit and cowards stand by and let it happen.
mabans 1 year ago
@mabans I applaud you for doing the fucking right thing and subjecting urself to stabbing and scratching. Thats not what i was told by a Cop... and instead of being stabbed, you got shot...you wont be here arguing for the right thing. I say..let the Cops deal with it, Prevent it or help the woman get away after the facts...i'm sorry but those are my options. An Ex once called me from a diff state...i looked up and called shelters in that area and passed the information to her. I'm HUMAN too
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin What does it matter? Most people are of religious faith and you dying may just end up bringing you to heaven, 1st class. Oh wait.. How strong is your faith then.. I know I'm ragging on your whole pray thing but every argument you have given has been standing idling by doing nothing more than wishful thinking and as someone who had the unfortune to experience this as a child. Doing nothing is just as bad as smacking that chick around, you know it's wrong because you feel it in you
mabans 1 year ago
I would never get involved in an abuse situation.Why,so I can possibly get killed for a stupid ass bitch who chose the BAD BOY over the NICE GUY and would stay with him and keep f'ing him even after a he beat her?GTFO
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 So how does it put your life in danger by calling the cops? What are you a fucking moron somehow justifying it? If you saw someone drowning would you be like "If he knew he couldn't swim why he jump in the water?" What's wrong with your brain?
mabans 1 year ago
@mabans Your a stupid ass idiot troll, you know that?Im not talking about calling the cops.Of course you can do that (Even though the chick will still stay with the guy).I meant getting directly involved.Are you really that stupid to not know that? And if someone almost drowned after jumping in the water, I doubt they would make that mistake again. That is the difference you moron.Whats wrong with your brain?Now go jump into some water if you cant swim troll.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 You know, voicing concern, or stepping into a violent situation is not for everyone. Its takes a level of courage and a willingness to sacrifice yourself to harm for doing the right thing. So if you want to call the cops, then shoot that better then nothing. Good for you. But from what I see here, they did Nothing, and that's not good ether.
Quoting Edmund Burke: "All that is required for the triumph of evil is to have good people sit back and do nothing."
Chaosga 1 year ago
@Chaosga Its simply the way we react and doesn't have anything necessarily to do with courage.There are 3 kinds of people: Those who run from a problem,those who run to a problem and those who just freeze.I'm the typed who has ran to problems to help and even been stabbed and shot at myself but at least it wasn't in vain.And whats RIGHT or WRONG is debatable.I just think women need to chose there men better or at least know when to leave.Thats really my bottom line.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 That's like stating, "If a woman gets raped for wearing that hot red dress, then its her fault, she should of choose the turtleneck"
Courage has a lot to do with it man. Courage is knowing that you're scared and still going in there. If you have ran to help someone, then that's great., keep it up. Not every battle that needs to be fault can be easily defined as Right and Wrong. Sometimes, just proving a break in the situation is enough for change.
Chaosga 1 year ago
@Chaosga Well, I dont think any woman that dresses a certain way deserves to be beat or raped so in my opinion, its not like saying the same thing at all but if thats the way you think, thats your opinion.I know what courage is but I also know what an idiot is.If you dont get in the middle of a situation that you managed to think through and realize its not worth potentially loosing your life over, if not for you but for your kids or other friends and family, I wouldnt call you a coward.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@Chaosga Is it not possible that some people dont step into violent situations because they are smart? Would you call a man a coward for not going to war if he doesn't believe the cause is right, like say, invading a country for its oil and claiming there are Weapons of Mass Destruction as the excuse?Wouldn't he be less of a man for not standing by what he belives?As far as your quote,nothing can stop evil.Not even Heaven could satisfy Satan and his followers.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 Dude, are you normally this verbally abusive with people when you debate with them face to face? (Your comments to mabans) If you feel passionately about your views, great...but cyberbulling someone just because they take a more proactive choice then you shouldn't warrant that kind of barrage.
Its kinda cowardly when it comes down to it cause you know that there is no way they can ever retaliate. But by all means, if it makes you feel better, who am I to complain.
Chaosga 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 Have you ever had a crush on someone that treats you poorly? Or done anything that you know is wrong yet somehow persist in the behavior? There are a lot of emotional issues that plague a victim of domestic violence, and its almost always something that grows throughout the years of the relationship. (not a sudden thing) Its almost like the cycle of drug addiction. Its hard to break and those victims need a lot of therapy to get over. No need to be so callous man.
Chaosga 1 year ago 2
@Chaosga Yes I have been in that situation.I know all about love and pain and weakness but I also know about strength, courage and wisdom and making better choices in life because of what I have been through.Everyone has there "last straw" and physical abuse would definitely be it for me.I can feel bad if she got beat once and got her heart broken because she left but they always seem to stay.Lots of Women choose men with these traits even before it happens. I guess I just cant comprehend that.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 "I guess I just cant comprehend that." no, you can't. So stop acting like these women are in any way worse than you are for staying with someone abusive. The person being abused is NOT IN THE WRONG AT ALL. You are heartless.
pantolime 1 year ago
@pantolime No I cant comprehend being an idiot. And After being stabbed and shot at to help others in my life, Im far from heartless. Im not the one coming on youtube talking shit to anyone commenting and giving their opinion, so you are the heartless troll you scumbag.Now go away.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 I think you'll find I'm not talking shit to anyone giving their opinion, I'm giving shit to YOU. You have NO IDEA the situations women might be in - they might be financially dependent, they might be emotionally blackmailed, they might be threatened with worse violence if anything is attempted. Saying a woman is an idiot for staying with someone abusive is misogynistic bullshit, no matter what you personally done in the past.
pantolime 1 year ago
@pantolime "Im not talking shit to anyone,"Im talking shit to YOU" FAIL. I am someone genius. And I have more of an idea of the situation than probably you. Do you know me? Have we met?Just cause you don't like my opinion doesn't determine anything about me.And ANYONE, not just women who stay in ANY situation that makes them miserable is an idiot.If nothing good someone has done in there past matters to you then clearly there is no winning with someone as stubborn as you so why waist my time?
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 I think you are showing a complete lack of empathy by saying that women are dumb for staying with their abusers. In many cases, those womens' lives are being threatened by their partners, or their childrens' lives, or even their pets' lives. They might also have no family or relatives to turn to, or they might not realize that there are resources out there for battered women.
erikakharada 1 year ago 2
@erikakharada Look, When my cousin came to me about her BF beating her. I helped get her counseling.I even did jail time for getting in a fight with him and she still stayed with him.She stole money from me to give to HIM. Im just saying, I could do so much.If they dont really want help, Im not gonna waist my time and or possibly give my life in vain.Im just not.Not all of us gotta put up with someones bullshit even from the people we love.Im sorry, thats just how I feel.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 Do you not think that her abuser didn't beat the crap out of her for you standing up to him? When abusers get caught, the abused get punished. You can't just throw the victims into counseling and expect things to be okay. Did she have a safe place to live away from him? Financial and emotional support? He probably beat into her that no one cares about her but him. And you just proved him right.
BookishBeemer 1 year ago
@BookishBeemer He was already beating her so me stepping in has nothing to do with anything and if it did, then even more reason for someone to not get personally involved correct?How did I prove him right when I took care of her financially and my place was the SAFE PLACE.You have no idea.You view it as GIVING UP, but I view it as TIRED OF THE BULLSHIT. Im stronger than that and I could only do so much to help but Im cannot keep risking myself and my family to help the helpless.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
Comment removed
lostonmainst 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 experience of being in your shoes (my mother's boyfriend beats her daily, steals all her money for booze and basically locks her up) and yes, she had some opportunity to get away. But also as bookishbeamer said, victims often suffer much more from emotional abuse. It doesn't take much to erode someone's self-esteem to the point that they think no one will care, or even that it's their fault.
lostonmainst 1 year ago
@RealityHurt I feel the same way you do on this issue. I too have tried tried to help the "victims" only to have them do everything they can to keep themselves in danger. If you don't care enough about yourself why should anyone else. It is the same thing with drug-abuse. I will always try to help anyone I can, but if you don't want to help yourself I am done with it.
welser1 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 You not heartless? Yet you've become bitter for your "Good deed" so you respond with (you are the heartless troll you scumbag, Now go away) Dude? Really? You sound like an Abuser who doesn't like being contested and so you spew this hate? Why? When you know there is no retribution for that kind of treatment? That's verbal abuse man. THE WHOLE POINT that we're trying to discuss here and you're guilty of it. Dude, no offense, but gain some insight from that behavior.
Chaosga 1 year ago
@Chaosga You dont even know anything about me and based on a comment I shared on my point of view, your trying to call me HEARTLESS? Do you know me?Have we met? Do you have any idea what I've been through,What I've seen and my experiences in life to have that opinion about me? Your interpretation of HATE does not make it so.Who are you to say what HATE is?Seriously DUDE, THINK!
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 You're right I don't know anything about you. But what I do know is from what you right and how you respond to people. Yes you have an opinion, and its a valid one. I respect that. The fact that you were willing to put yourself on the line AND the fact that you got hurt for it is not lost to me. I commend you on that as well. I don't think you're heartless at all. I'm pretty sure you're one hell of a guy. Just think before you write angry messages. Ppl will judge you for that.
Chaosga 1 year ago
@Chaosga I appreciate the commet. Im just gonna call it how I see it and stand by what I believe.Its not like I just sit and contemplate on a belief system just to piss people off,You know what Im saying?I didnt come on here attacking anyone based on there comment. If its taken "Negatively" then that goes to show how that person views the world and Its always those people who are the judgmental ones because they cant except reality.Of course that's just my opinion but I hope at least a valid one
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 Granted, I wouldn't want it any way, neither you nor anyone else for that matter should be harassed, abused or insulted for their opinion. It helps us think and resolve. In the end, I'm sure you and everyone else would love to see domestic abuse come to an end. Thanks for commenting man.
Chaosga 1 year ago
@RealityHurts923 Ok, I respect that u can't comprehend it. Its not easy. 4 example, u stated that physical abuse would be the last straw for you, so by that rational, emotional abuse U would put up with. With abused ppl, the physical abuse doesn't really come up that quickly. There is so much emotional trauma to over come that the human mind finds ways to cope or accept it for what it is because of fear, low self esteem, etc. There is a lot that I can explain, but there isn't enough spapce.
Chaosga 1 year ago
@Chaosga I understand exactly everything you just mentioned. Like I said, you have NO IDEA the things Ive seen. DO you think people just sit around and think of ways to piss people off? Most people have there point of veiw for there own valid reason based on their experiences in life. There really is no RIGHT or WRONG about anything in life only OPINIONS. And anything religious doesn't determine anything and Laws very and are man made.
RealityHurts923 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin - In South Africa there is an emergency response number you can call - 10111 however you are right, the response is not always as fast as 911 is in the States. Violent gun crime is an epidemic in South Africa and people live in fear of getting involved and getting hurt in the process. Why die by being a good samaritan? That of course does not excuse complete apathy. Tell someone, call the cops, anybody. But don't ignore it. Too much violence ends in silence.
moondino 1 year ago
@moondino good luck calling that number to the rescue. I am not advocating for apathy...you can only empower the women and work to prevent it, but i wont trust the cops to come to the rescue and i wont knock on the door of a raving dog. I grew up in that part of the world where robbers rob the cops first before headed to the bank.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
Everything seem staged to me including the folks that appeared during the drumming, but the point was well received. Keep in mind that unlike US, theres no 911 and no one wants to be the collateral damage. To be honest, if i was in South Africa, i wont go to someone's door...i will probably pray for them.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin You're kidding right? Prayers have been proven to only comfort the prayer it does nothing man, and i ain't gonna argue religion here, i just think that if you ain't gonna take action don't come out with something as useless as prayer to mask you unwillingness to really act. I'm sorry, it may provide consolation and make you feel like you're helping but it's nothing but intentions, if you really wanna help, create awareness talk to your friends or just SHARE THE VIDEO, that'l work
AndreSiraSebastian 1 year ago
@AndreSiraSebastian you made no sense with your attack. I am talking about an abuse in progress in the middle of the night. Thats not the time to talk to friends or share the damn video. I can assure you most people wont walk to another person's house in the USA. They will call the cops because thats the logical thing to do. In a country where the cops are useless or unresponsive, you cant take law into your hands lest you become the victim. First law in security, dont go from HERO to VICTIM.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin ¬¬ You know i didn't adress that situation at the end...i said if wanted to HELP, and in that i meant NOW, OFFCOURSE NOT WHEN THE SHIT IS IN PROGRESS!...and i really don't see how you got that from whats written above. And it ain't an attack, don't be so goddamn sensitive
AndreSiraSebastian 1 year ago
@AndreSiraSebastian The video was implying that no one got involved while the attack was in progress...and that everyone got involved while the drumming is in progress. If theres anyone thats drank too much, its you. I am glad you have come to my position that getting involved while the attack is in progress is a DUMB and STUPID thing to do unfortunately. Dont ever go from HERO to a VICTIM...all your family gets is a Medal and lots of grief.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin In that you do make some sense, if you ain't truly capable of stoping something like that you shouldn't try
AndreSiraSebastian 1 year ago
@AndreSiraSebastian Thank you...we all have one life and some people just dont value taking the lives of others. Even as an armed officer, i was told if robbery is in progress and you dont feel capable, stay safe and wait for help...dont try to be in a movie...Even Cops call for BACKUPS. You learn these stuff from EXPERTS. I will take their advice over the LOONS who just want to act on instincts. Instincts get you KILLED. I think i made my POINT.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
@touskinhouskin Really dude? Of course this is staged, everything about it is fake to me, but does that make the message and waht should be done any less important because people are LIKELY to do that like yourself, not call the police, just sit down and pray.. Do you even know your local police precinct number? What's wrong with you? Pray, fuck you, stupid asshole..
mabans 1 year ago
@mabans I am in the USA...the police number is 911...i am not from south africa and i said you can call the number if you want, but i doubt the police will show up...then what? you take a gun or machete and take laws into your own hands in South Africa...good luck with that. Most of you here aint being rational....you think you are in a god damn European country.
touskinhouskin 1 year ago
Respond to this video...
mabans